Scaly Freak tries to avoid accidental self-immolation

[Scaly Freak]

The bunker is starting to be a little boring. Self-Indulgence has started to whine about not having anything fun to do. Since she insists that the makeup and the skin care and the nail polish have stopped being entertaining, she is put in charge of bread making, which seems to calm her down. She’s also allowed to make final decisions on what kinds of food they eat in the bunker, and Scaly Freak is both pleased and relieved to see that the process of preparing ingredients causes Self-Indulgence to shrink back down to imp size, and her talons recede.

 

But it is still boring, and boring builds tension. Something needs to change, preferably before the tension starts to cause problems. For one, Self-Indulgence’s natural and fully enraged form is far too large to fit inside the bunker.

 

“Hey, room mate?”

 

Self-Indulgence looks up from the dough she is kneading and makes a questioning chirping noise.

 

“Remember when we moved down here and we had things to do every day and we weren’t bored at all?”

 

The little imp nods slowly.

 

“Do you think you can help me figure out what changed to make us bored now?” The nodding immediately stops, so Scaly Freak quickly adds, “It’ll be a fun puzzle to solve, and once we figure it out, we can make it fun to be in here again.”

 

The Self-Indulgence imp adopts a pensive stance for several minutes, then nods decisively, and begins kneading the dough on the table again. Scaly Freak breaths a quiet sigh of relief. Self-Indulgence has the potential to be a fearsome enemy, and it is worth spending some effort on keeping her at peace.

 

 

I’ve spent the weekend listening and re-listening to a podcast recommended by my therapist: Unlocking Us, with Brene Brown. Specifically, I’m listening to the episode about burnout, where she discusses the book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle.

 

Apparently our feelings of stress are separate from the reason we are stressed. This means that when the reason we are stressed is gone, the feelings still linger until we do something that tells our body it’s over now. The removal of the stressor has no impact on stress levels.

 

Which is awesome, because it means I don’t have to get rid of the reason I’m stressed in order for the stress to go away. I can simply manage the stress itself and if the reason I’m stressed is entirely outside of my control (look, a pandemic!) that suddenly isn’t a problem anymore… because I don’t have to get rid of it. I just have to work on the stress.

 

https://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-with-emily-and-amelia-nagoski-on-burnout-and-how-to-complete-the-stress-cycle/

 

I’m probably going to buy the book so I can read it and re-read it and remind myself. And the free sample I already downloaded quotes Yoda and Mr. Miyagi, so the authors are already earning points there.

 

The podcast says there are three components to burning out:

 

• Emotional exhaustion

• Decreased sense of accomplishment

• Depersonalization

 

While I am not at this point in time at risk of pandemic burnout, I have been on a never-ending emotional roller coaster, for non-pandemic reasons, and have barely managed to keep myself from being burned alive by the Flame of Anxiety. Having every cognitive function hijacked by anxiety is a form of burnout, so I’m going to use what I learned from the podcast to attempt to move my mental state away from a very high-stress anxiety level, to the even keel I was on before my kitchen flooded. The new normal is here to stay, and I had found an equilibrium, where I was at peace with my new reality and I was doing well. I want to get back to that stage.

 

Visually…

 

Today, the Flame is doing this:

 

 

We need to get back to where we were when it was doing this:

 

 

 

 

This is going to be difficult. The important political decisions in my state are made by science-denying and pandemic fatigued politicians who have reached the, “we can’t stop it anyway, so why bother trying” state of mind. Last week saw my state break the record for New Cases In a Day, with a peak of nearly 900 new cases on Friday. That same Friday, the Board of Health voted to repeal the State-wide mask mandate.

 

I know. I can’t even. I just can’t.

 

This is powerful anxiety fuel.

 

To try and get closer to my desired mental stage of being calm with The Flame instead of being consumed by it, I have built goals around the components of anti-burnout:

 

1. Emotionally recharge

This can be done by meditating in the morning or evening, or by going outside into the sunlight where I can see the sky. The important thing is that one of these things happens every day.

 

2. Create a sense of accomplishment

This will be done either by doing a workout in the evening (any kind of workout), or by making progress towards restoring something that was moved out when the floors were refinished. Volunteering also counts towards this goal.

 

3. Personal connection

Talking to anyone who is not a coworker and who is not Husband, about anything at all, counts towards this goal. Husband and I enjoy each other’s company, but we need interaction with other humans as well, and I need reminders that there are good people in the world, especially considering where I live.

 

We can do this. Soothe The Flame.

 

 

[juliebarkley]

6 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

This can be done by meditating in the morning or evening, or by going outside into the sunlight where I can see the sky. The important thing is that one of these things happens every day.

I will add, if you fail to get this done before sunset (especially since that's rapidly getting earlier), looking up at the night sky is also quite spiritually refreshing. Just dress warm.

 

Following along.

[darkfoxx]

I’m being reminded more and more often of the Serenity Prayer used by 12-steppers these days.

 

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”.

 

My brain has found good result in using this as a sort of anchor when anxiety chaos swirls. That third bit is the culprit a fair amount of time my brain reaches for this particular anchor. Makes a good transition into meditation, and a good mechanism to use to step back from the immediacy of whatever emotional situation has gotten out of control. 

 

At least in my brain. Ymmv. 

[Mad Hatter]

9 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

We can do this. Soothe The Flame.

You’ve got this. ❤️
 

Gonna go and listen to that episode now, apparently I have the ingredients for burnout myself...

[Scaly Freak]

5 hours ago, juliebarkley said:

I will add, if you fail to get this done before sunset (especially since that's rapidly getting earlier), looking up at the night sky is also quite spiritually refreshing. Just dress warm.

 

I enjoy evening walks, so this one is definitely an option. Thanks forreminding me.

 

4 hours ago, darkfoxx said:

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”.

 

My brain has found good result in using this as a sort of anchor when anxiety chaos swirls. That third bit is the culprit a fair amount of time my brain reaches for this particular anchor. Makes a good transition into meditation, and a good mechanism to use to step back from the immediacy of whatever emotional situation has gotten out of control. 

 

I have actually used that as a mantra in the past. I'm trying to remember why I stopped... I might have to start using it for work-related emergencies again.

 

2 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

You’ve got this. ❤️
 

Gonna go and listen to that episode now, apparently I have the ingredients for burnout myself...

 

I would be very interested in your thoughts on that podcast. I'm strongly considering buying the book, since the library has 21 people waiting ahead of me for their copy.

[Renate]

4 hours ago, darkfoxx said:

My brain has found good result in using this as a sort of anchor when anxiety chaos swirls.

 

8 minutes ago, Scaly Freak said:

I have actually used that as a mantra in the past.

 

It is kind of reassuring to hear this. I have too, and anyone I have told so far gave me a kind of neutral acknowledgement haha

 

I also used to listen to this song a lot when I was getting out of the-deepest-pit-I-have-been-in-so-far before HS graduation:

 

Spoiler

 

 

 

 

 

And a friend told me "I really think this is just aimed at actual drug addicts" and I had to really explain how, when self-sabotage strikes, it really can take on all sorts of forms. 

 

Nowadays, he understands what I meant back then  a lot better Life. It rarely leaves a person unscathed.

[Scaly Freak]

1 hour ago, Aθena said:

And a friend told me "I really think this is just aimed at actual drug addicts" and I had to really explain how, when self-sabotage strikes, it really can take on all sorts of forms. 

 

"And your point is...?"

 

If it works for us, it works for us. Who cares who it's aimed at?

[KB Girl]

Hey! Good to see your challenge up (even if it’s with the druids). 
Brene Brown is awesome. 
I especially like the feeling accomplished goal, that’s really my main hold on sanity. 

[Scaly Freak]

3 hours ago, KB Girl said:

Hey! Good to see your challenge up (even if it’s with the druids). 

 

I came very close to staying with the Warriors, but I remembered at the last minute that I sometimes become so fixated on lifting goals, that I ignore my mental wellbeing. Given the state of The Flame right now and at the very least until after the US election, I decided to join the Druids, to remind myself that mental health is a real medical health issue and I need to treat it with respect.

 

1. Emotionally recharge

I meditated in the morning. I also took a couple of breaks through the day just to play with Happy Sidekick, who keeps me company in my home office while I work.

 

2. Create a sense of accomplishment

Husband decided to improve our sanctuary by making it less cluttered, and in the process cleared off the items that we had placed on the mantle above the fireplace to keep them safe while the floors were being refinished. So now I have taken the tiny little crystal liqueur goblets and the matching decanter down from upstairs and washed them so they can go back to their spot on the mantle.

 

3. Personal connection

Spent a portion of the evening discussing the magnificent passing skills of Russel Wilson with one of the guys in my fantasy football league.

[Jié Xī]

Hey, glad I found you. So sorry about your sidekick. 😢 Been there myself several times.

 

On 10/25/2020 at 7:00 PM, Scaly Freak said:

The bunker is starting to be a little boring. Self-Indulgence has started to whine about not having anything fun to do. Since she insists that the makeup and the skin care and the nail polish have stopped being entertaining . . . 

 

Aww, this is sad, because I am really just starting to enjoy all that, in part, thanks to you. My sister visited from out-of-state for about a week and I showed her my style books, gave her makeup tips, etc. I even mentioned how you helped with contouring tips and stuff. She was super excited to discover her style is bohemian and she loved the foundation I used -- she said hers makes her pores look open and mine didn't so she'll probably switch. Point is, she left yesterday so don't really have anyone female (poor hubby!) to talk to about stuff like that, lol.  

 

I have a book on shame by Brene Brown but never finished it. But everything I've heard of her is good. Good luck with your challenge!

 

[Scaly Freak]

13 hours ago, Magdalena Ravenclaw said:

Aww, this is sad, because I am really just starting to enjoy all that, in part, thanks to you.

 

It's not as bad as it sounds. When Story Self-Indulgence is bored, that means that the self-care I'm doing in real life is not working, and not helping, and something needs to change. When self-care doesn't work, I revert to massive mood swings and emotional eating, with the bonus that now that I'm an adult I often replace the emotional eating with emotional drinking. And for the record, refraining from eating a pint of ice cream only to drink a pint of bourbon instead, isn't actually a healthy substitution.

 

Since Self-Indulgence must be kept happy,  I must find a way to do that. (I think I have. See challenge update below) This does not mean I will stop the skin care or makeup. Definitely not! They remain bright spots in my life, and I am having fun playing with makeup and experimenting to find what works underneath a mask.

 

1. Emotionally recharge

Morning meditation.

Lunch break walk with Happy Sidekick, with much sunlight and blue sky. One great side-benefit of day temperatures going below 45F is that no one else is out taking walks when we are.  

 

2. Create a sense of accomplishment 

 

I COLORED MY HAIR!!! 

 

 

This is making me so happy it's ridiculous. I had an appointment to get my hair done and colored for the 21st of March of this year. And on the 19th, the governor signed a state-wide Stay At Home order, and I've been stuck with quarantine hair ever since. I have had two different kinds of highlights in my hair, far too many inches of roots showing, not to mention all the gray hairs showing, and overall my hair has not at all looked like something I identify with or am happy with.

 

Yesterday, my order of color conditioners from Overtone arrived, and this evening, I brushed out my hair and sectioned it into quarters, and applied Espresso Brown conditioner to all sections equally. I let it sit for 10-15 minutes and then rinsed it off, and I am positive I've missed spots here and there because it has honestly been over a decade since I've done home coloring of my hair. But it looks great, and it feels great, and I had no idea how much my chaotic mess of hair colors had bothered me until I applied this color. 🥰

 

This has made me happy.  

 

3. Personal connection

Trade talks with one of the other owners in my fantasy football league. They want me to give up Adam Thielen for Amari Cooper and assorted others. Negotiations are at a stand-still.

[Jié Xī]

25 minutes ago, Scaly Freak said:

Yesterday, my order of color conditioners from Overtone arrived, and this evening, I brushed out my hair and sectioned it into quarters, and applied Espresso Brown conditioner to all sections equally. I let it sit for 10-15 minutes and then rinsed it off, and I am positive I've missed spots here and there because it has honestly been over a decade since I've done home coloring of my hair. But it looks great, and it feels great, and I had no idea how much my chaotic mess of hair colors had bothered me until I applied this color. 🥰

 

This has made me happy.  

 

 

Awesome!

 

Hey, do you remember when I posted pics of the girl with the partially shaved hair and I told you I loved it but hubby hated it, because it was asymmetrical and would "make my head asymmetrical"? And that even tho I told him that I could cover it, he responded that he would "know" it was asymmetrical. And I mentioned that I thought it was his autism that was making him so stuck on this? Well, I found a different hairstyle that we actually both like, and ROFL, the reason that he likes it, is because even though he knows I will always wear it in the asymmetrical style, since it is technically symmetrical, he will "know" it's symmetrical and it won't bother him. 

 

Here's a still pic (hidden because pics always come up so huge) and here's a link to a video that shows that it's the same on both sides. https://pin.it/15ic8Al

Spoiler

 

 

 

I need to grow out my bangs first, but as long as I don't change my mind between now and then, this is how I plan to cut it. This will be the first time in 17 years that my hair will be shorter than my bra strap. 

 

[darkfoxx]

Yay for a refreshed hair color! DH just cut mine after waaaaaay too long and I feel refreshed. Matches the color boost I gave myself last week

[KB Girl]

9 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

 

 

This has made me happy.  

 

[Scaly Freak]

8 hours ago, Magdalena Ravenclaw said:

Hey, do you remember when I posted pics of the girl with the partially shaved hair and I told you I loved it but hubby hated it, because it was asymmetrical and would "make my head asymmetrical"? And that even tho I told him that I could cover it, he responded that he would "know" it was asymmetrical. And I mentioned that I thought it was his autism that was making him so stuck on this? Well, I found a different hairstyle that we actually both like, and ROFL, the reason that he likes it, is because even though he knows I will always wear it in the asymmetrical style, since it is technically symmetrical, he will "know" it's symmetrical and it won't bother him. 

 

I do remember that hair style discussion.

 

As someone who cheerfully experiments with her own hair - with colors, not with cut/style - I am very familiar with the conflict of enjoying wearing something that the person I live with does not enjoy looking at. It can become very tricky, more than you'd think, to find a compromise that all involved parties are happy with. 

 

Are you planning on coloring yours similar to the frosting in the pictures you posted, or stay with the red you posted a while back?

[Mistr]

Yay for getting your hair looking how you like it!

[Scaly Freak]

1. Emotionally recharge

Meditated with the timer function of Insight Timer this morning. Also walked in the sunshine with Happy Sidekick

 

2. Create a sense of accomplishment

Get-out-the-vote phone bank with the volunteer gang.

 

3. Personal connection

The personal chit-chat before the phone bank training was really nice.

[Jié Xī]

On 10/28/2020 at 8:48 AM, Scaly Freak said:

Are you planning on coloring yours similar to the frosting in the pictures you posted, or stay with the red you posted a while back?

 

I would stay with the red as it matches my extensions, so whenever I freak out that it's short, er, would like to enjoy long hair again, I can clip them in. Why? Do you like the frosted? Do you think that style needs it?

[Scaly Freak]

7 minutes ago, Magdalena Ravenclaw said:

 

I would stay with the red as it matches my extensions, so whenever I freak out that it's short, er, would like to enjoy long hair again, I can clip them in. Why? Do you like the frosted? Do you think that style needs it?

 

I think the frosting emphasizes the asymmetrical elements, and it changes the style's personality a little bit.

 

In my head, frosting it says "rock princess". Solid light  color says "corporate power trip" and solid dark says, "valkyrie".  In someone else's head, they say something else.

[juliebarkley]

On 10/28/2020 at 1:25 AM, Scaly Freak said:

This has made me happy.  

This is excellent news.

 

20 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

Get-out-the-vote phone bank with the volunteer gang.

Asking because I'm curious but also ignorant: do get-out-the-vote efforts normally target groups that they think will support a particular party, or are they untargeted efforts to just plain get more people to vote?

[Scaly Freak]

2 hours ago, juliebarkley said:

 

Asking because I'm curious but also ignorant: do get-out-the-vote efforts normally target groups that they think will support a particular party, or are they untargeted efforts to just plain get more people to vote?

 

It depends and varies, to be honest. We focus heavily on local elections, so previous ones have targeted voters in a specific district, where a seat that for decades has belonged to one party, now is in a very close race. My group calls registered voters in that district and try to convince them to go voting for the candidate our organisation has endorsed. When we're trying to drum up support for a candidate, we call all voters. The most recent one was all about getting people to vote, period. Which means of course we only call people who are "on our side"  

 

Most of the time, GOTV efforts target whichever demographic most benefits the agenda the organisation that hosts the phonebank, is trying to advance. Since I agree with this group's agenda, I'm perfectly fine with that.  

[WhiteGhost]

Wow, so I am super late getting in here but following along for your firefight.  

[Jié Xī]

On 10/29/2020 at 4:17 PM, Scaly Freak said:

 

I think the frosting emphasizes the asymmetrical elements, and it changes the style's personality a little bit.

 

In my head, frosting it says "rock princess". Solid light  color says "corporate power trip" and solid dark says, "valkyrie".  In someone else's head, they say something else.

 

Valkyrie works for me.

 

Especially since Viking braids was the look I was originally going for to keep it long, but won't realistically do on a daily basis. 

[Scaly Freak]

1. Emotionally recharge

Thursday: Meditated in the morning and walked with Happy Sidekick on lunch break. 

Friday: Meditated in the morning and walked with Happy Sidekick on lunch break. 

 

2. Create a sense of accomplishment

Thursday: Cleaned the blades on all our ceiling fans.

Friday: Neck and hand yoga on afternoon break.

 

3. Personal connection

 Thursday: Chit-chatted with Siblings on our group chat

Friday: Sat quietly on my couch with my book, while Husband sat quietly on his couch with his book, for hours. ❤️

[Scaly Freak]

Random music. Because this song starts playing in my head whenever I see @KB Girl's challenge title, and I just can't contain it anymore.