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WolfDreamer Forges His Own Path


WolfDreamer

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Good day everyone.

 

I think for this challenge, I'm just going to be direct and keep it simple because I have so much going on. However, this challenge will be Witcher themed because I'm re-watching the Netflix series and reading the first book, so I'll be channeling some of that as my challenge progresses. I'll break it down into four categories: Physical, Mental, and Spiritual. 

 

Physical:

  • fasted morning workout daily; the specifics of this will depend on what I feel my body needs that day and/or what needs to recover
  • intermittent fasting (at least 16 hours) from pm to am next day
  • walk at least 12,000 steps daily
  • 22 push-ups per day beginning November 1st; this is to show support for Mission 22, an organization that helps veterans by offering treatment for Post-Traumatic Stress and Traumatic Brain Injury, substance abuse and all of the issues veterans face today. There is also a fundraiser for Mission 22. I will post the Facebook link for anyone interested in donating.
  • cold shower daily
  • eat whole foods
  • drink more water
  • in bed by at least 10:30 pm

Mental:

  • meditate at least 10 minutes daily
  • read at least 20 minutes daily
  • continue schoolwork (almost there; just be patient and take it one assignment at a time)
  • watch/listen to something motivational, inspirational, and/or informative daily
  • journal daily

Spiritual:

  • say a prayer every morning
  • read scripture/devotional every morning
  • express gratitude daily
  • Like 6

Who am I? -- My NF Character

Current Challenge: WolfDreamer Embraces His Wild Poet

Past Challenges: 

Spoiler

Winter is ComingWolfen Strengthens His Heart, Body, Mind, and Spirit, Wolfen Becomes One of the PeopleWolfen Strengthens His ChakrasWolfen Welcomes Summer and Gets Primal, Soulcon and Spartan, Wolfen Develops Mental ToughnessWolfen Joins the Wander SocietySoulcon, Spartan, School, and Stranger ThingsWolfen Becomes a Warrior EliteWolfen Goes Here and There and Back AgainWolfen Becomes a Soulcon Warrior EliteWolfen Returns to His RootsWolfen Wanders in Soul, Spirit, and BodyWolfen Owns the DayWolfen Searches for His Wild Heart, Wolfen Runs for His LifeWolfen Hits the TrailsWolfen Becomes an Explorer and Joins the ResistanceWolfen Goes Back to the SourceWolfen Begins the Hero's JourneyWolfDreamer Returns to the People,  WolfDreamer Pushes BackWolfDreamer PrioritizesBurpees, Books, and BrainworkBurpees, Books, Brainwork, and BodyworkWolfDreamer Masters the Four ElementsWolfDreamer Continues to Master the Four ElementsWolfDreamer Returns to SpartaWolfDreamer Returns to Middle EarthWolfDreamer Continues His Middle Earth AdventureWolfDreamer and the FallWolfDreamer Forges His Own PathWolfDreamer Has HopeWolfDreamer Returns to Middle EarthWolfDreamer Reads Harder, Breathes Harder, and Journals More

I'd rather sing one wild song and burst my heart with it, than live a thousand years watching my digestion and being afraid of the wet.” -- Jack London

“I wanted movement and not a calm course of existence. I wanted excitement and danger and the chance to sacrifice myself for my love.” -- Leo Tolstoy

"I feel love rising in my chest again
Rising like a burning sun into the day..." -- Gungor, "Hurricane"

"...wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." 2 Corinthians 3:17b

 

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6 minutes ago, Ann of Vries said:

I was thinking, “Where is Wolfdreamer’s thread?” and here you are. Good luck on your goals, and on the busy. 

 

Thank you. I was a little late to the challenge this time, but I'm here. I appreciate the encouragement and the luck wishes.

 

Just a quick fyi, I am considering today (Monday) day 1 of my challenge since I just posted (and since yesterday was not a very productive day).

 

Until later...

 

"You can't outrun destiny just because you're terrified of it."

 

 

  • Like 2

Who am I? -- My NF Character

Current Challenge: WolfDreamer Embraces His Wild Poet

Past Challenges: 

Spoiler

Winter is ComingWolfen Strengthens His Heart, Body, Mind, and Spirit, Wolfen Becomes One of the PeopleWolfen Strengthens His ChakrasWolfen Welcomes Summer and Gets Primal, Soulcon and Spartan, Wolfen Develops Mental ToughnessWolfen Joins the Wander SocietySoulcon, Spartan, School, and Stranger ThingsWolfen Becomes a Warrior EliteWolfen Goes Here and There and Back AgainWolfen Becomes a Soulcon Warrior EliteWolfen Returns to His RootsWolfen Wanders in Soul, Spirit, and BodyWolfen Owns the DayWolfen Searches for His Wild Heart, Wolfen Runs for His LifeWolfen Hits the TrailsWolfen Becomes an Explorer and Joins the ResistanceWolfen Goes Back to the SourceWolfen Begins the Hero's JourneyWolfDreamer Returns to the People,  WolfDreamer Pushes BackWolfDreamer PrioritizesBurpees, Books, and BrainworkBurpees, Books, Brainwork, and BodyworkWolfDreamer Masters the Four ElementsWolfDreamer Continues to Master the Four ElementsWolfDreamer Returns to SpartaWolfDreamer Returns to Middle EarthWolfDreamer Continues His Middle Earth AdventureWolfDreamer and the FallWolfDreamer Forges His Own PathWolfDreamer Has HopeWolfDreamer Returns to Middle EarthWolfDreamer Reads Harder, Breathes Harder, and Journals More

I'd rather sing one wild song and burst my heart with it, than live a thousand years watching my digestion and being afraid of the wet.” -- Jack London

“I wanted movement and not a calm course of existence. I wanted excitement and danger and the chance to sacrifice myself for my love.” -- Leo Tolstoy

"I feel love rising in my chest again
Rising like a burning sun into the day..." -- Gungor, "Hurricane"

"...wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." 2 Corinthians 3:17b

 

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Just updated my progress for the Walk to Mordor and Back challenge, and I am 78.57 miles away from Mordor. No wonder I can feel the heat and see the fire in the distance.

 

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  • Like 2

Who am I? -- My NF Character

Current Challenge: WolfDreamer Embraces His Wild Poet

Past Challenges: 

Spoiler

Winter is ComingWolfen Strengthens His Heart, Body, Mind, and Spirit, Wolfen Becomes One of the PeopleWolfen Strengthens His ChakrasWolfen Welcomes Summer and Gets Primal, Soulcon and Spartan, Wolfen Develops Mental ToughnessWolfen Joins the Wander SocietySoulcon, Spartan, School, and Stranger ThingsWolfen Becomes a Warrior EliteWolfen Goes Here and There and Back AgainWolfen Becomes a Soulcon Warrior EliteWolfen Returns to His RootsWolfen Wanders in Soul, Spirit, and BodyWolfen Owns the DayWolfen Searches for His Wild Heart, Wolfen Runs for His LifeWolfen Hits the TrailsWolfen Becomes an Explorer and Joins the ResistanceWolfen Goes Back to the SourceWolfen Begins the Hero's JourneyWolfDreamer Returns to the People,  WolfDreamer Pushes BackWolfDreamer PrioritizesBurpees, Books, and BrainworkBurpees, Books, Brainwork, and BodyworkWolfDreamer Masters the Four ElementsWolfDreamer Continues to Master the Four ElementsWolfDreamer Returns to SpartaWolfDreamer Returns to Middle EarthWolfDreamer Continues His Middle Earth AdventureWolfDreamer and the FallWolfDreamer Forges His Own PathWolfDreamer Has HopeWolfDreamer Returns to Middle EarthWolfDreamer Reads Harder, Breathes Harder, and Journals More

I'd rather sing one wild song and burst my heart with it, than live a thousand years watching my digestion and being afraid of the wet.” -- Jack London

“I wanted movement and not a calm course of existence. I wanted excitement and danger and the chance to sacrifice myself for my love.” -- Leo Tolstoy

"I feel love rising in my chest again
Rising like a burning sun into the day..." -- Gungor, "Hurricane"

"...wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." 2 Corinthians 3:17b

 

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Following along. Be sure to take plenty of water into Mordor.

  • Like 1

Current Challenge Original 1,2,3, R 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23,24,25,26,27,28,29,30,31,32,33,34,35,36,37,38,39,40,41,42,43,44,45,46,47,48,49,50,51

52,53

"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

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32 minutes ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

Always great to see you! 💚 

 

Thank you! It's great to see you, as well!

 

 

Week 1, Day 1 (Monday):

 

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Physical:

  • fasted from 8 pm Sunday to 12 pm Monday
  • morning stretch and warmup followed by strength workout w/ cinderblock (swings x 30, single-arm swings x 20 each arm, one-arm clean & press x 10 each arm) as well as 33 burpees (11 x 3)
  • walked 12,013 steps
  • took a cold shower (2 minutes warm, 3 minutes cold)
  • lunch: meatballs, dinner: Southwest veggie sub on wheat
  • drank more water
  • in bed at 10:00 pm, fell asleep not long after

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Mental:

  • completed a walking meditation (which I know isn't the same, but I was mindful and present, so I'm counting it)
  • read some of Becoming a King by Morgan Stanley
  • completed my first Field Experience for one of my classes but did not complete another assignment that was due
  • listened to a podcast episode of Sacred Sons
  • did not journal

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Spiritual:

  • said the Lord's prayer as well as a prayer of gratitude
  • read some scripture and a daily devotional
  • spoke aloud three things I was grateful for; expressed gratitude to my wife for supporting me as I continue to pursue my education

 

  • Like 5

Who am I? -- My NF Character

Current Challenge: WolfDreamer Embraces His Wild Poet

Past Challenges: 

Spoiler

Winter is ComingWolfen Strengthens His Heart, Body, Mind, and Spirit, Wolfen Becomes One of the PeopleWolfen Strengthens His ChakrasWolfen Welcomes Summer and Gets Primal, Soulcon and Spartan, Wolfen Develops Mental ToughnessWolfen Joins the Wander SocietySoulcon, Spartan, School, and Stranger ThingsWolfen Becomes a Warrior EliteWolfen Goes Here and There and Back AgainWolfen Becomes a Soulcon Warrior EliteWolfen Returns to His RootsWolfen Wanders in Soul, Spirit, and BodyWolfen Owns the DayWolfen Searches for His Wild Heart, Wolfen Runs for His LifeWolfen Hits the TrailsWolfen Becomes an Explorer and Joins the ResistanceWolfen Goes Back to the SourceWolfen Begins the Hero's JourneyWolfDreamer Returns to the People,  WolfDreamer Pushes BackWolfDreamer PrioritizesBurpees, Books, and BrainworkBurpees, Books, Brainwork, and BodyworkWolfDreamer Masters the Four ElementsWolfDreamer Continues to Master the Four ElementsWolfDreamer Returns to SpartaWolfDreamer Returns to Middle EarthWolfDreamer Continues His Middle Earth AdventureWolfDreamer and the FallWolfDreamer Forges His Own PathWolfDreamer Has HopeWolfDreamer Returns to Middle EarthWolfDreamer Reads Harder, Breathes Harder, and Journals More

I'd rather sing one wild song and burst my heart with it, than live a thousand years watching my digestion and being afraid of the wet.” -- Jack London

“I wanted movement and not a calm course of existence. I wanted excitement and danger and the chance to sacrifice myself for my love.” -- Leo Tolstoy

"I feel love rising in my chest again
Rising like a burning sun into the day..." -- Gungor, "Hurricane"

"...wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." 2 Corinthians 3:17b

 

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Week 1, Day 2 (Tuesday):

 

Physical:

  • fasted from 7 pm Monday to 11:00 am Tuesday
  • workout: weighted squats x 10, step-ups x 15, jump-ups x 15, goblet squat (w/ cinderblock) x 1 minute, weighted bag carry x 200 yards
  • walked 12,429 steps
  • took a cold shower (2 minutes warm, 3 minutes cold)
  • lunch: ham sandwich w/ pepper-jack cheese, spinach, mustard, mayo, guacamole on multi-grain bread, dinner: steak stir fry with bell peppers, onions, zucchini, and squash
  • drank enough water
  • went to bed at 10:00 pm but could not get to sleep; made the mistake of getting out of bed and was awake until almost midnight

Mental:

  • completed a walking meditation; again, not the same as a sitting meditation, but the goal is present mindfulness
  • read more of Becoming a King
  • looked over upcoming school assignments; completed the late assignment and made preparations for next field experience project
  • listened to an episode of the Man Uncivilized podcast
  • did not journal; I keep forgetting

Spiritual:

  • said the Lord's Prayer upon waking, as well as a more personal prayer of adoration and gratitude.
  • read scripture and my daily devotional
  • spoke gratitude during my prayer

 

 

  • Like 4

Who am I? -- My NF Character

Current Challenge: WolfDreamer Embraces His Wild Poet

Past Challenges: 

Spoiler

Winter is ComingWolfen Strengthens His Heart, Body, Mind, and Spirit, Wolfen Becomes One of the PeopleWolfen Strengthens His ChakrasWolfen Welcomes Summer and Gets Primal, Soulcon and Spartan, Wolfen Develops Mental ToughnessWolfen Joins the Wander SocietySoulcon, Spartan, School, and Stranger ThingsWolfen Becomes a Warrior EliteWolfen Goes Here and There and Back AgainWolfen Becomes a Soulcon Warrior EliteWolfen Returns to His RootsWolfen Wanders in Soul, Spirit, and BodyWolfen Owns the DayWolfen Searches for His Wild Heart, Wolfen Runs for His LifeWolfen Hits the TrailsWolfen Becomes an Explorer and Joins the ResistanceWolfen Goes Back to the SourceWolfen Begins the Hero's JourneyWolfDreamer Returns to the People,  WolfDreamer Pushes BackWolfDreamer PrioritizesBurpees, Books, and BrainworkBurpees, Books, Brainwork, and BodyworkWolfDreamer Masters the Four ElementsWolfDreamer Continues to Master the Four ElementsWolfDreamer Returns to SpartaWolfDreamer Returns to Middle EarthWolfDreamer Continues His Middle Earth AdventureWolfDreamer and the FallWolfDreamer Forges His Own PathWolfDreamer Has HopeWolfDreamer Returns to Middle EarthWolfDreamer Reads Harder, Breathes Harder, and Journals More

I'd rather sing one wild song and burst my heart with it, than live a thousand years watching my digestion and being afraid of the wet.” -- Jack London

“I wanted movement and not a calm course of existence. I wanted excitement and danger and the chance to sacrifice myself for my love.” -- Leo Tolstoy

"I feel love rising in my chest again
Rising like a burning sun into the day..." -- Gungor, "Hurricane"

"...wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." 2 Corinthians 3:17b

 

Link to post

Week 1, Day 3 (Wednesday):

 

Physical:

  • strength workout: stones -- side arm raises x 30, front arm raises x 30, bicep curls x 30, bent over reverse flyes x 25; cinderblock -- swings x 30, single-arm swings x 20 each arm
  • fasted from 7 pm Tuesday to 11 am Wednesday
  • walked 12,578 steps
  • took a cold shower (2 minutes warm, 3 minutes cold)
  • lunch: peanut butter and Simply Fruit strawberry on multi-grain bread, dinner: spaghetti with meat sauce cooked in Instant Pot
  • did not drink enough water; too busy and didn't refill my bottle after emptying it once
  • went to bed at 10:30 pm

Mental:

  • went for another mindful walk
  • read more of Becoming a King; it really is kicking me right in the heart.
  • worked on a newsletter that I need to create for Field Experience 2
  • listened to an episode of the Uncivilized Podcast
  • wrote in my journal; it felt... freeing... but not great...

Spiritual:

  • said the Lord's Prayer, as well as a more personal prayer
  • read scripture and a daily devotional
  • entered three things I'm grateful for in the Presently app
  • Like 3

Who am I? -- My NF Character

Current Challenge: WolfDreamer Embraces His Wild Poet

Past Challenges: 

Spoiler

Winter is ComingWolfen Strengthens His Heart, Body, Mind, and Spirit, Wolfen Becomes One of the PeopleWolfen Strengthens His ChakrasWolfen Welcomes Summer and Gets Primal, Soulcon and Spartan, Wolfen Develops Mental ToughnessWolfen Joins the Wander SocietySoulcon, Spartan, School, and Stranger ThingsWolfen Becomes a Warrior EliteWolfen Goes Here and There and Back AgainWolfen Becomes a Soulcon Warrior EliteWolfen Returns to His RootsWolfen Wanders in Soul, Spirit, and BodyWolfen Owns the DayWolfen Searches for His Wild Heart, Wolfen Runs for His LifeWolfen Hits the TrailsWolfen Becomes an Explorer and Joins the ResistanceWolfen Goes Back to the SourceWolfen Begins the Hero's JourneyWolfDreamer Returns to the People,  WolfDreamer Pushes BackWolfDreamer PrioritizesBurpees, Books, and BrainworkBurpees, Books, Brainwork, and BodyworkWolfDreamer Masters the Four ElementsWolfDreamer Continues to Master the Four ElementsWolfDreamer Returns to SpartaWolfDreamer Returns to Middle EarthWolfDreamer Continues His Middle Earth AdventureWolfDreamer and the FallWolfDreamer Forges His Own PathWolfDreamer Has HopeWolfDreamer Returns to Middle EarthWolfDreamer Reads Harder, Breathes Harder, and Journals More

I'd rather sing one wild song and burst my heart with it, than live a thousand years watching my digestion and being afraid of the wet.” -- Jack London

“I wanted movement and not a calm course of existence. I wanted excitement and danger and the chance to sacrifice myself for my love.” -- Leo Tolstoy

"I feel love rising in my chest again
Rising like a burning sun into the day..." -- Gungor, "Hurricane"

"...wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." 2 Corinthians 3:17b

 

Link to post

Well... yesterday was a bust... woke up with a slight headache. I stayed up just long enough to pray and read some scripture and then went back to bed until 5:30 am. At work, my headache slowly grew to a migraine until I couldn't handle the fluorescent light anymore and told my supervisor I was going home and could teach my last two classes virtually. Once home, the migraine worsened and I started feeling nauseous from the pain. I took some Advil and Tylenol and managed to make it long enough to teach my last two classes before having to run to the bathroom and vomit. It's true what they say that something you feel better after throwing up. I cleaned myself up, took a hot bath, crawled back into bed, and slept for about an hour. I felt a little better the rest of the day, but I still took it easy because I didn't want to reactivate whatever the hell caused that. It was miserable. I don't know if it was the weather change (lots of rain and a cold front moving in) or stress...?

 

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Anyway, my update today will be short and sweet.

 

Week 1, Day 4 (Thursday):

 

Physical:

  • only fasted 13 hours (7 pm to 8 am) b/c I was worried it would exacerbate my headache
  • no workout
  • only walked 4,388 steps
  • took a cold shower (2 minutes warm, 3 minutes cold)
  • drank a lot of water in hopes that it would ease my headache
  • went to bed at 10:00 pm

Mental:

  • did not meditate, unless you count sleeping as meditation
  • read more of Becoming a King: "As our souls become whole and, over time, we go through this metamorphosis into trueness, we are opened up to the greatest treasure given us by the heart of God: our true identity."
  • no schoolwork today; just didn't feel up to it.
  • listened to an episode of the Rising Man podcast
  • no journaling

Spiritual:

  • said the Lord's Prayer, as well as a more personal prayer
  • read scripture and a daily devotional
  • wrote down three things I am grateful for in the Presently app
  • Like 3

Who am I? -- My NF Character

Current Challenge: WolfDreamer Embraces His Wild Poet

Past Challenges: 

Spoiler

Winter is ComingWolfen Strengthens His Heart, Body, Mind, and Spirit, Wolfen Becomes One of the PeopleWolfen Strengthens His ChakrasWolfen Welcomes Summer and Gets Primal, Soulcon and Spartan, Wolfen Develops Mental ToughnessWolfen Joins the Wander SocietySoulcon, Spartan, School, and Stranger ThingsWolfen Becomes a Warrior EliteWolfen Goes Here and There and Back AgainWolfen Becomes a Soulcon Warrior EliteWolfen Returns to His RootsWolfen Wanders in Soul, Spirit, and BodyWolfen Owns the DayWolfen Searches for His Wild Heart, Wolfen Runs for His LifeWolfen Hits the TrailsWolfen Becomes an Explorer and Joins the ResistanceWolfen Goes Back to the SourceWolfen Begins the Hero's JourneyWolfDreamer Returns to the People,  WolfDreamer Pushes BackWolfDreamer PrioritizesBurpees, Books, and BrainworkBurpees, Books, Brainwork, and BodyworkWolfDreamer Masters the Four ElementsWolfDreamer Continues to Master the Four ElementsWolfDreamer Returns to SpartaWolfDreamer Returns to Middle EarthWolfDreamer Continues His Middle Earth AdventureWolfDreamer and the FallWolfDreamer Forges His Own PathWolfDreamer Has HopeWolfDreamer Returns to Middle EarthWolfDreamer Reads Harder, Breathes Harder, and Journals More

I'd rather sing one wild song and burst my heart with it, than live a thousand years watching my digestion and being afraid of the wet.” -- Jack London

“I wanted movement and not a calm course of existence. I wanted excitement and danger and the chance to sacrifice myself for my love.” -- Leo Tolstoy

"I feel love rising in my chest again
Rising like a burning sun into the day..." -- Gungor, "Hurricane"

"...wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." 2 Corinthians 3:17b

 

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1 hour ago, Sylvaa said:

Hopefully you are feeling better today!

 

Also, good for you recognizing that you needed to give your body a break and not just trying to power through and do more than you were ready to take on. 

 

Thank you. I do feel better today.

 

It is encouraging to look at all the green in my update and know that, while I didn't "power through," I still achieved most of my goals. I'm getting old enough that I can't afford to not be in tune with my body unless I want to risk further injury or illness. I have a pretty strong immune system, but I feel like I'm not far from the threshold on which that may no longer be true. I've also always been one of those people who, when I do get sick it hits me hard and fast and I recover pretty quickly. But again, I'm becoming aware that this isn't something I want to take for granted, and it feels more fragile than it used to.

 

  • Like 2

Who am I? -- My NF Character

Current Challenge: WolfDreamer Embraces His Wild Poet

Past Challenges: 

Spoiler

Winter is ComingWolfen Strengthens His Heart, Body, Mind, and Spirit, Wolfen Becomes One of the PeopleWolfen Strengthens His ChakrasWolfen Welcomes Summer and Gets Primal, Soulcon and Spartan, Wolfen Develops Mental ToughnessWolfen Joins the Wander SocietySoulcon, Spartan, School, and Stranger ThingsWolfen Becomes a Warrior EliteWolfen Goes Here and There and Back AgainWolfen Becomes a Soulcon Warrior EliteWolfen Returns to His RootsWolfen Wanders in Soul, Spirit, and BodyWolfen Owns the DayWolfen Searches for His Wild Heart, Wolfen Runs for His LifeWolfen Hits the TrailsWolfen Becomes an Explorer and Joins the ResistanceWolfen Goes Back to the SourceWolfen Begins the Hero's JourneyWolfDreamer Returns to the People,  WolfDreamer Pushes BackWolfDreamer PrioritizesBurpees, Books, and BrainworkBurpees, Books, Brainwork, and BodyworkWolfDreamer Masters the Four ElementsWolfDreamer Continues to Master the Four ElementsWolfDreamer Returns to SpartaWolfDreamer Returns to Middle EarthWolfDreamer Continues His Middle Earth AdventureWolfDreamer and the FallWolfDreamer Forges His Own PathWolfDreamer Has HopeWolfDreamer Returns to Middle EarthWolfDreamer Reads Harder, Breathes Harder, and Journals More

I'd rather sing one wild song and burst my heart with it, than live a thousand years watching my digestion and being afraid of the wet.” -- Jack London

“I wanted movement and not a calm course of existence. I wanted excitement and danger and the chance to sacrifice myself for my love.” -- Leo Tolstoy

"I feel love rising in my chest again
Rising like a burning sun into the day..." -- Gungor, "Hurricane"

"...wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." 2 Corinthians 3:17b

 

Link to post

Do you have meds specifically for Migraines? I get them and always thought they were something else. I finally got a doctor who convinced me they were, in fact, actual migraines and gave me a med specifically for them. It dissolves on the tongue and kicks in after about 30 minutes. It works very well. 

Current Challenge Original 1,2,3, R 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23,24,25,26,27,28,29,30,31,32,33,34,35,36,37,38,39,40,41,42,43,44,45,46,47,48,49,50,51

52,53

"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

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Y'all... I'm feeling really just... ugh...

 

Yesterday, I was hit with a deep and profound feeling of sadness and loneliness. I was at my parents' house, which (as some of you know) used to be my grandparents' house, a house I very much grew up in. I wasn't doing anything specific to invite such a feeling; I was just standing in the kitchen. I had this thought, "Papaw should be here, but he's not." And then the wave came; and honestly if my stepfather had not been in the room with me I probably would have gone to my knees and just wept. But I kept it to myself.

 

Clearly, this was not the right choice because I was not a pleasant person to be around the rest of the day. I wasn't hateful or mean, just a real bummer and bitter. Most of my comments were short and some were snide and just... negative. I had this real, "What's the point?" kind of feeling about a lot of things. My wife caught on to it pretty quickly, and I am ashamed to say I was not kind to her efforts to figure out why I was behaving this way. We're okay now because I eventually opened up to her and told her what I was feeling. But... ugh...

 

This weekend kind of derailed my routine, but it wasn't unproductive. I'm not going to post my usual full update, but I'll share some things with you.

 

Saturday I went trail running with my buddy Rick. My ankle isn't 100%, but I was able to keep a steady jog, and we managed 5 miles at a pace just over 18 minutes/mile. I helped my wife and daughters clean some parts of the house and work on laundry. Other than that, I read and relaxed most of the day.

 

Sunday I took my oldest daughter's fiance to the New River Gorge to hike some trails. He has been there before but only to Hawk's Nest, which is the most popular outlook point at the Gorge. We bypassed that and hiked the Endless Wall trail, Long Point Trail, and the Kaymoor Miner's Trail (which he will undoubtedly never do again). The trip was an opportunity for me to get to know him better and was a sort of initiation into whether he could trust me if I pushed him and if he was willing to take on a challenge that looked impossible and yet could be overcome with sheer will.

 

The Kaymoor Miner's trail is a trail that descends down a mountain. Along the way are some waterfalls and remnants of an old coal mine; at the bottom of the trail is a landing with some abandoned buildings, equipment, and structures left over from the mine, as well. Then there are wooden steps (821 of them) that descend almost to the bottom of the mountain where more remnants of the old mine still stand (although barely). The entire trail  (including the steps) is only 1.6 miles, but it is very steep (a little over 900 feet). My future son-in-law is a big boy and a bit of a couch potato. I was encouraging but not forceful and gave him several opportunities to back out if he needed to. He had a few hesitant and reluctant moments, but he continued down the trail, knowing he would have to make the strenuous climb back up. Once we reached the bottom, he rested while I walked around some of the abandoned structures. After a while, I asked him if he was ready. He said, "No, but what choice do I have? Can't stay down here forever." I laughed, and we started the very difficult climb back up. It took us a while, having to stop several times so he could rest, but we made it back to the top. I told him how proud of him I was and told him that was an exercise in trust. We spent the rest of the hike talking; I asked him some important questions about his future plans, letting him know that I did not object to him marrying my daughter but was also honest about my reservations about his plans to support her once they are married.

 

So... things are good. I'm just feeling down. I don't know if it really is just grief from missing my grandfather or if I'm really starting to sense the volatility of this election. I voted early, so I did my part a few weeks ago, but it's getting ugly. I'm taking a sabbatical from Facebook, I think, because it hurts to see how nasty some of my friends and family are being to each other (and to me).

 

Until later... stay safe out there everyone, and if you're in America...go vote!

  • Like 5

Who am I? -- My NF Character

Current Challenge: WolfDreamer Embraces His Wild Poet

Past Challenges: 

Spoiler

Winter is ComingWolfen Strengthens His Heart, Body, Mind, and Spirit, Wolfen Becomes One of the PeopleWolfen Strengthens His ChakrasWolfen Welcomes Summer and Gets Primal, Soulcon and Spartan, Wolfen Develops Mental ToughnessWolfen Joins the Wander SocietySoulcon, Spartan, School, and Stranger ThingsWolfen Becomes a Warrior EliteWolfen Goes Here and There and Back AgainWolfen Becomes a Soulcon Warrior EliteWolfen Returns to His RootsWolfen Wanders in Soul, Spirit, and BodyWolfen Owns the DayWolfen Searches for His Wild Heart, Wolfen Runs for His LifeWolfen Hits the TrailsWolfen Becomes an Explorer and Joins the ResistanceWolfen Goes Back to the SourceWolfen Begins the Hero's JourneyWolfDreamer Returns to the People,  WolfDreamer Pushes BackWolfDreamer PrioritizesBurpees, Books, and BrainworkBurpees, Books, Brainwork, and BodyworkWolfDreamer Masters the Four ElementsWolfDreamer Continues to Master the Four ElementsWolfDreamer Returns to SpartaWolfDreamer Returns to Middle EarthWolfDreamer Continues His Middle Earth AdventureWolfDreamer and the FallWolfDreamer Forges His Own PathWolfDreamer Has HopeWolfDreamer Returns to Middle EarthWolfDreamer Reads Harder, Breathes Harder, and Journals More

I'd rather sing one wild song and burst my heart with it, than live a thousand years watching my digestion and being afraid of the wet.” -- Jack London

“I wanted movement and not a calm course of existence. I wanted excitement and danger and the chance to sacrifice myself for my love.” -- Leo Tolstoy

"I feel love rising in my chest again
Rising like a burning sun into the day..." -- Gungor, "Hurricane"

"...wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." 2 Corinthians 3:17b

 

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I found myself thinking about my grandparents too. I think it’s a time of unease and uncertainty, and we naturally gravitate towards the memories of times where we felt comfortable and okay. There is something reliable about the house you grew up in and it is normal to feel the loss of a Previously constant person who is gone now, no matter how many years later it is. Especially if you had a positive relationship, it makes a lot of sense that you would suddenly wish for your grandfather because no matter how old we get, we still need that reassurance. I’m sorry it snuck up on you like though, and I’m glad you and your wife have that relationship where you can be there for each other, even when you’re not ready to talk about it yet. 

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Just wanted you all to know that I am still alive. Some days I feel like I'm drowning (not literally, of course), and other days I feel so blessed and happy. Honestly, I've just been really busy trying to stay focused and optimistic in the midst of all this chaos. I haven't had time to post my goal updates, nor do I have time right now. But I wanted to check in. Hope everyone else is doing well.

  • Like 5

Who am I? -- My NF Character

Current Challenge: WolfDreamer Embraces His Wild Poet

Past Challenges: 

Spoiler

Winter is ComingWolfen Strengthens His Heart, Body, Mind, and Spirit, Wolfen Becomes One of the PeopleWolfen Strengthens His ChakrasWolfen Welcomes Summer and Gets Primal, Soulcon and Spartan, Wolfen Develops Mental ToughnessWolfen Joins the Wander SocietySoulcon, Spartan, School, and Stranger ThingsWolfen Becomes a Warrior EliteWolfen Goes Here and There and Back AgainWolfen Becomes a Soulcon Warrior EliteWolfen Returns to His RootsWolfen Wanders in Soul, Spirit, and BodyWolfen Owns the DayWolfen Searches for His Wild Heart, Wolfen Runs for His LifeWolfen Hits the TrailsWolfen Becomes an Explorer and Joins the ResistanceWolfen Goes Back to the SourceWolfen Begins the Hero's JourneyWolfDreamer Returns to the People,  WolfDreamer Pushes BackWolfDreamer PrioritizesBurpees, Books, and BrainworkBurpees, Books, Brainwork, and BodyworkWolfDreamer Masters the Four ElementsWolfDreamer Continues to Master the Four ElementsWolfDreamer Returns to SpartaWolfDreamer Returns to Middle EarthWolfDreamer Continues His Middle Earth AdventureWolfDreamer and the FallWolfDreamer Forges His Own PathWolfDreamer Has HopeWolfDreamer Returns to Middle EarthWolfDreamer Reads Harder, Breathes Harder, and Journals More

I'd rather sing one wild song and burst my heart with it, than live a thousand years watching my digestion and being afraid of the wet.” -- Jack London

“I wanted movement and not a calm course of existence. I wanted excitement and danger and the chance to sacrifice myself for my love.” -- Leo Tolstoy

"I feel love rising in my chest again
Rising like a burning sun into the day..." -- Gungor, "Hurricane"

"...wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." 2 Corinthians 3:17b

 

Link to post
On 11/12/2020 at 1:39 PM, Snarkyfishguts said:

I’m just glad you’re around.  If you need more support, I’m here for you, but if you need the space, I’m over there for you. 

 

Thank you. That means a lot. It really does. Right now I just need to not feel so guilty for not posting updates, for not meeting every daily goal. I'm trying to give myself grace and be patient with myself.

 

Still don't have time to post a full update, but I will share a few things.

 

A Facebook friend posted this today: "Anyone else feeling the buzz today?! Feeling very excited about something but no idea what. Feeling waves of love passing through."

 

I have been feeling something, and it almost feels unnatural. Last week I felt a lot of anger mixed with anxiety, which is a really messy cocktail for me because I get irritable. But today I feel... inspired... and really loved... and like I've had some kind of revelation that I can't put into words. It's almost like... I'm hoarding positive emotions, filling up my pail, whatever metaphor works best to describe how my mind is preparing for something. With news of COVID numbers going up and shutdowns, quarantines, and lockdowns happening again this might be true. I will be more prepared to deal with the stress of another shutdown if I gather my senses now, and if I am reminded that I am loved and that I am love, if I embody the grace, patience, and kindness that I feel right now, then this will not be a catastrophic experience but rather another opportunity for transformation.

 

I don't know if caterpillars are as self-conscious as humans, but if they are I like to imagine that not all of them are thrilled about going into a cocoon. I'm sure they are frightened and concerned and feel very vulnerable and hesitant before entering the pupa stage. It's interesting to note that the term pupa is actually Latin for "doll." So it's almost like once they reach this stage they are no longer in control. They are nearly lifeless and at the mercy of nature to transform them. I also imagine they mourn the loss of the life that once was. It's hard to let go of past self even if future self will be so much better.

 

That's what I feel right now. Joy and love and trust mingled with fear and trepidation. It's an interesting dichotomy.

 

Anyways, stay safe out there.

  • Like 5

Who am I? -- My NF Character

Current Challenge: WolfDreamer Embraces His Wild Poet

Past Challenges: 

Spoiler

Winter is ComingWolfen Strengthens His Heart, Body, Mind, and Spirit, Wolfen Becomes One of the PeopleWolfen Strengthens His ChakrasWolfen Welcomes Summer and Gets Primal, Soulcon and Spartan, Wolfen Develops Mental ToughnessWolfen Joins the Wander SocietySoulcon, Spartan, School, and Stranger ThingsWolfen Becomes a Warrior EliteWolfen Goes Here and There and Back AgainWolfen Becomes a Soulcon Warrior EliteWolfen Returns to His RootsWolfen Wanders in Soul, Spirit, and BodyWolfen Owns the DayWolfen Searches for His Wild Heart, Wolfen Runs for His LifeWolfen Hits the TrailsWolfen Becomes an Explorer and Joins the ResistanceWolfen Goes Back to the SourceWolfen Begins the Hero's JourneyWolfDreamer Returns to the People,  WolfDreamer Pushes BackWolfDreamer PrioritizesBurpees, Books, and BrainworkBurpees, Books, Brainwork, and BodyworkWolfDreamer Masters the Four ElementsWolfDreamer Continues to Master the Four ElementsWolfDreamer Returns to SpartaWolfDreamer Returns to Middle EarthWolfDreamer Continues His Middle Earth AdventureWolfDreamer and the FallWolfDreamer Forges His Own PathWolfDreamer Has HopeWolfDreamer Returns to Middle EarthWolfDreamer Reads Harder, Breathes Harder, and Journals More

I'd rather sing one wild song and burst my heart with it, than live a thousand years watching my digestion and being afraid of the wet.” -- Jack London

“I wanted movement and not a calm course of existence. I wanted excitement and danger and the chance to sacrifice myself for my love.” -- Leo Tolstoy

"I feel love rising in my chest again
Rising like a burning sun into the day..." -- Gungor, "Hurricane"

"...wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." 2 Corinthians 3:17b

 

Link to post

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