It's been a while. . .

[Jochiemgrace]

(Disclaimer: This is a small emotion vomit.)

 

I joined the Rebellion back in 2018 and it was going well, great even. Then my grandmother had some strokes; then work had me working 50+ hours per week; then I became injured; then I was fearful; then I became hopeless; then I just stopped. 

 

This whole year has been one major cluster, I think we all can agree on that. I was starting to get back into it when the pandemic hit. Needless to say, my empathic personality went into overdrive and I turned to what I knew could keep me sane: food and sleep. I think I gained 30lbs in the matter of months. While I'm not proud of it, I can honestly say I don't regret it. As dumb as it sounds, it kept me sane and helped me to settle into this new normal we're living. 

 

Now it's time to readjust, once again. My eating habits have improved: I'm actually getting full again and am not just a bottomless pit of hunger and despair. The food choices are still very meh, but that is easier to adjust, with planning. I feel like it's the time to add back in the physical. Get moving, get stretching. Get back to active. 

 

With that...... My "why." 

 

I'll be completely honest, I wasn't being true to myself the first time around. I kept telling myself it was abut my health or my family, but, I know, it's not.

And I hate it. 

I feel so shallow and self-centered.

My "why," my big reason for losing weight is  . . . I just want to be thinner. Not "skinny" per se, just thinner than I am. 

I know I'm pretty, I want feel prettier. And, as dumb and against so much of what I believe, I think losing weight will help with that.

I think my hatred of my "why" contributed to why it's taken me so long to respawn.  

I feel like such a traitor: To myself; To other women I support; To the bucking of the BS beauty industry and its standards.

 

But, I want to be honest with myself, truly honest

 

And so, here I am. Ready to try again. 

 

Thank you for listening. 

[Elastigirl]

I've struggled with that feeling too. Looking super skinny and beautiful is so  overvalued ,while a person's actual character and worth as a human is undervalued, and we don't want that, so we think any desire to look good falls into that category..Which causes us to go way too far to the other ditch, and think looks don't matter at all. I decided I do want to look healthy, and I want to look good in my clothes. I feel like when I'm at a certain weight , I just look frumpy no matter what I wear. On the other hand, right now I weigh a bit more than I'd actually prefer, but have decided to not focus on losing weight, because I'm content enough with my looks. If we get into a trap of thinking being skinny will make us happy, than that's not a good goal. But, if we are happy, and are motivated to want to look better I think that's normal . I think a lot of people are motivated because they want to look better.