Hiroro Feeds the Flame

[Hiroro]

It's been I don't even know how long since I participated in a challenge - maybe a year? I hesitated to post this, then spent a moment reflecting on the darkness of 2020, and found myself crying. So here I am. I've missed this wonderful virtual place, but this year has really knocked me on my rear - as it has for most people. 

Hiroro's 2020 in a (large) nutshell

• Parenting: my baby girl was born 12/26/19 - so she is approaching 1 year old! She started reliably sleeping through the night about a month or two ago (HALLELUJAH), which means this year has entailed several months of sleep deprivation. I am finally, sort of, feeling functional-ish again.
• Fitness: I started working out again a few months after the birth, and within  weeks strained my hip/groin. Over the next few months the pain increased and my physical capability decreased until I couldn't walk more than a few blocks without pain.  Months of physical therapy later, I've finally "graduated" from PT a few weeks ago. I can now run a few miles without pain - sometimes. I'm still doing my PT exercises and stretches on my own, though I'm not perfect about getting them in every day anymore.
• Nutrition: I definitely let this get haywire, I've been eating lactation supplementing treats all year as I struggled to keep my milk supply up while pumping at work (went back to work at the end of April). After putting a lot of pressure in the early months to try to get back to pre-baby weight, I decided to put it on hold while trying to get my hip fixed and my head on straight. So right now I'm probably sitting at about my highest pre-pregnancy weight, and it doesn't feel great. But I feel like I finally have the energy again to focus more on cooking and eating healthy - it helps that I'm planning to wean soon. A side factor is that my husband started a very extreme diet early in the year and after hitting his goal weight (and improving his BP and cholesterol) has fallen off the wagon. I'd love for us to be able to find a moderate middle ground. I've been working on buying and cooking more veggies, and preparing an actual dinner so we sit down and eat instead of the grazing we were doing before.
• Mindset: Speaking of my head, I fell pretty hard into a deep, dark, hole of postpartum depression. After trying to manage on my own for way too long, I found a new therapist who was a much better fit than the woman I'd seen before. Unfortunately she left the practice about a month ago, so I'm flailing a bit as I try to find someone new.
• Etc: My parents have been amazing support during this year, and I have no idea what we would have done without them. My husband was laid off halfway through the year, and I'm thankful that our financial position is solid enough that he was able to be selective about finding a new job - he has a tentative offer and expects to start in January. Since he's been stay at home parenting, this is going to be a big adjustment - wonderfully, my parents will provide childcare likely until some point next year when we feel safe sending the baby to daycare. Though he has enjoyed getting to spend extra time with the baby, being the SAHD has left him worn out all the time, and made it hard for me to take time for myself (and even when I do, with COVID going anywhere is anxiety-inducing). At work we've gone through two rounds of layoffs and are expecting a third early next year. While I think my job is fairly secure, we are understaffed and overloaded, and people I work with and like could be laid off - cue stress and anxiety. 

 

This challenge is well timed (even though I'm late to the party, as usual) as I feel like I'm finally seeing a small light at the end of the tunnel - to being able to be physically active, and take better care of myself, and find a new routine with both myself and my husband working. Thanks to a lot of physical and psychological therapy, I'm finally in a place where I am excited about the idea of setting new goals. At the same time, my pattern is to get overambitious and then peter out. So the plan is to start small, adding kindling to the tiny bit of fire I've found still burning within myself.

Challenge Goals

1. Sit down for dinner every day with my family
   • Usually daily goals are not the best for me - but this seems very achievable. Even if it's a frozen pizza and a salad.
2. Move my body 6 times
   • Basically anything. I just bought a set of dumbells off a coworker friend who was moving away so those are a handy option when I can't get myself out the door to run.
3. Go to bed by 10pm
   • Since the baby has started sleeping better, I find myself staying up too late because I'm so desperate to extend the few hours of free time at the end of the day. But it makes me feel pants the next day, and I know better.

 

Side Goals - just for fun

1. Finish reading In Defense of Food
2. Complete scrap yarn crochet basket
   • I'm excited to be crafting again.  I think a 2021 goal is going to be whittling down my yarn stash (it's taking up way too much of our limited storage space) so this is a head start.
3. Do something fun on my own at least 1x/week (socially-distanced friend meetups count)
   • When I'm not intentional about this, I find I stay home all the time trying to give my husband some relief, but really it just means we both end up worn out. When we each take time for ourselves it's better. Even though it's more difficult now, I can visit the library (people are pretty good about masking and it is sparse enough that I feel safe/comfortable) or meet a friend over a firepit. 

 

Looking forward to connecting and reconnecting with fellow Rebels!

[Maigs]

Good to see you back!

[Hiroro]

12/20 Update

1. Sit down for dinner every day with my family  - Yes! It is not easy, and not pretty, but it's nice to have that time together.
2. Move my body 6 times - I think I'm 4/6 on this so far. I've been better about doing at least some of my PT every day too. Yesterday I did a 30min barre workout for the first time since my hip injury took me down. I'm a bit sore today but all right - success!
3. Go to bed by 10pm - hahaha not so much.

I am happy to have time away from work but a little apprehensive about whether or night I'll actually get more rest. One benefit is that my husband and I can take turns sleeping in, while my usual work start time of ~7am means we typically get up when the baby wakes up 5-6am. BUT "sleeping in" for me still involves waking up when she wakes up to feed her, so it's not the same as uninterrupted sleep for sure.

 

[Hiroro]

On 12/11/2020 at 10:34 AM, Maigs said:

Good to see you back!

Thanks! It's been too long. I'm hoping to get back into OCR's next year  just building up basic strength and endurance for now though.

[Hiroro]

12/27 Update

1. Sit down for dinner every day with my family  - Was generally very successful with this.
2. Move my body 6 times - 6/6. My body told me not to overdo it on the running - and that right now, 3 miles is definitely my max (SIGH). I'm still deciding what I want to focus on for the next month.
3. Go to bed by 10pm - I...totally forgot this was a goal most of the time. But in general I wasn't too terrible. This will become more important again when I go back to work from vacation.