How to rebuild a Wolverine

[Lara]

I'm probably starting from one of my lowest points. I don't think I've been in such a bad shape since I began my NF adventure, and it concerns all aspects of my life right now: food, movement, outdoors, mood and what else.

 

My ideal would be to get back to levels of 2017, when I was at a nice plateau but way above my usual fitness level, only that given how things are, I'll be humble and ask for the bare minimum that could be called a healthy life. 

 

Goals will be simple and easy to achieve: 

 

1. At least 1 totally healthy meal a day. 

2. Do 1 thing I enjoy everyday .

3. "How I feel" meditation when going to sleep. This might be difficult to remember. 

4. Try to go outside everyday, or at least 5 times a week. Weather doesn't really matter to me, so that's my advantage.

5. 1 minute of cold water to end shower, minimum. I can easily enjoy 3-4 minutes now that it gets out actually cold (12), but I'm starting on the lowest bar this week.

6. Breathing cycles.

 

Goals are this easy because I want to be sure I can achieve them even after a bad night.  

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Here for new parent support!

[deftona]

Glad to see you back running with us! 

[Lara]

6 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Here for new parent support!

Thanks!! 💪🏻

3 hours ago, deftona said:

Glad to see you back running with us! 

🤗

 

I've missed you all so much!!! 🥰

[KB Girl]

Hey glad you’re getting a little bit more sleep and able to feel a bit of hope. You’re doing amazing surviving this! I hope you’ll look back at it and find it completely worth it, though it’ll always be a little sad. 
My first was like yours and honestly I don’t know how I survived either. What is your sleep setup if I may ask? Sleeping together really helped me get the most out of those fragments due to ease of going back to sleep. 

[Lara]

On 12/25/2020 at 12:13 AM, KB Girl said:

What is your sleep setup if I may ask? Sleeping together really helped me get the most out of those fragments due to ease of going back to sleep. 

Hi! Nice to see you here.

Yes, I sleep with her too, otherwise it would make it even more difficult for me to sleep.  Here it is quite common anyway to do family bed, so even with a quieter kid I would have probably done the same. Of course in-laws think I should do the opposite and place her in her own room already (we've spent christmas with them and FIL got me on my nerves).

 

On the 24th we saw a couple of friends who have a baby around Wolvie's age. But he was SO different. He was sleeping in his baby buggy when we met, and when he woke up he just stayed there, looking at the ceiling. They didn't need to pay him attention during the hour and a half we spent together (which is a bit sad, to be honest) and when they finally took him out of the buggy, he was just there doing nothing. Apparently, that's how babies are? I could have three like that one and run my own circus at the same time 😅

(Wolvie has never wanted to be in the buggy, it was like putting her over hot coal. I tried at first, but after a few attempts, I was tired of having to push the buggy with one arm while carrying her in the other, so since then I only use a carrier or carry her in my arms) .

While the other kid was peacefully sleeping, Wolvie didn't stop "talking" to us, paying attention to the conversations, playing with anything at hand (was fascinated by a guy's beard), and when the other baby appeared she was amazed and since that moment there was nothing else in the world, and spent the time touching him and talking to him. 

Don't misunderstand me because of such a comparison. I really like Wolvie's character. I love that she's bright and always interested in the world around her. It's just that I felt a bit of envy, because they sleep, have a regular life, go to places (Wolvie hates the car because in her seat she can't move), and looked overall rested and happy, while I look like a crazy zombie obsessed with napping, hoping she'll be able to take a shower before new year's eve .

[Lara]

24.12

Began the day with a mango-strawberry-coconut milk smoothie and some dried meat. Not the best quality one, but I'll count it as my healthy meal of the day. Had my minute of cold water which felt amazing and then went outside. 

The thing I enjoy was going to the fields for my walk today. I had what I now consider a good night of sleep (2+3+1), so instead of taking a nap I went to walk for one hour and a half with Wolvie in her carrier. The day was foggy and rainy, and the country looked beautiful. It felt unpractical to carry an umbrella into the hills, but I don't want Wolvie to get wet. At least, it was nice to hear the drizzle of the rain tapping on it. 

Meditation was a surprise. First because I remembered. Second, because after a stressful day I thought I would experience all the anxiety coming out and instead, after a short tense moment, I felt happy and full of love for my daughter. Went to sleep with a smile on my face. 

 

25.12

No cold water. 

Healthiest meal was lunch (chicken broth, duck liver, shrimps with potatos), although dinner was good too. 

The thing to enjoy was a nice walk in the sun, and also playing in the garden with Wolvie (we were at my in-laws —I'm not going to talk about that today). She saw and touched a cat for the first time and played with the daisies. 

"How I feel" meditation brought a smile to my lips.

[annyshay]

Hi Lara!! Here for you. Hugs!

[Lara]

18 minutes ago, annyshay said:

Hi Lara!! Here for you. Hugs!

Hiii! How are you doing?

[Lara]

26.12

A day marked by lack of sleep (she woke up every hour), an awful headache, and growing nausea. Vomited lunch in the evening. 

Healthy meal was breakfast: strawberries-banana-coconut milk smoothie. Lunch was healthy too, but I ate some pastries afterwards, so it won't count. 

1 minute of cold water. It was hard today.

Walked around the fields for about 1 hour. 

The thing I enjoy was listening to some music. It backfired because I ended up crying.

Meditation: I feel grateful. 

[Ai-seimei]

Hello! I'm new here, but I'm hoping that following others on their journeys will help motivate me to stick to mine (not going to post a BattleLog thread until just before the new year, as I have too much going on this week to properly prepare my mind). Congrats on the baby, she sounds amazing! Also, while the other family may look rested now, I've known a lot of kids who were super laid back as little ones, but then ended up being absolute terrors as teenagers (not that I would wish that on anyone)! 

 

Can I ask, what is the cold shower ending about? I've never heard of it, so I am curious as to what it does for you (always looking for new tips and tricks). Also, what is paella (I ask, since you are apparently the expert... 😉

[Lara]

19 hours ago, Ai-seimei said:

Hello! I'm new here, but I'm hoping that following others on their journeys will help motivate me to stick to mine (not going to post a BattleLog thread until just before the new year, as I have too much going on this week to properly prepare my mind). Congrats on the baby, she sounds amazing! Also, while the other family may look rested now, I've known a lot of kids who were super laid back as little ones, but then ended up being absolute terrors as teenagers (not that I would wish that on anyone)! 

 

Can I ask, what is the cold shower ending about? I've never heard of it, so I am curious as to what it does for you (always looking for new tips and tricks). Also, what is paella (I ask, since you are apparently the expert... 😉

Hi and welcome!!

I hope you'll find yourself a nice place in NF 🙂

Yeah, who knows who kids will grow up to be... Maybe mine will end up a zen monk running a library😄

 

I'm definitely not an expert in anything, specially if we are talking about cooking. It was just a joke someone played on me... Paella is a dish, typical of my region, which consists of, according to the people inhabiting these ungodly forums, rice with things. For more information, you can visit @WhiteGhost 's threads, where he brags about all the rice abominations he cooks (amongst other less impressive things such as backflips, flags, and whatnot).

 

If you don't mind, since I'm always short on time these days, I'll link here a post where I summed up what cold exposure did for me in the past (it was actual cold exposure, not this wimpy thing I do now) so you can get an idea. Click on the small arrow top right to go straight to the post.

 

 

[Lara]

Family matters

Spoiler

Wolvie is six months old, and my father still hasn't seen her. My mother reported weird behaviours of him, such as being angry when she put Wolvie's picture on the family corner and taking his own picture away. My mother is behaving, and even made an attempt to apologise about how she treated me when I was a kid, although we're talking of a text message containing eleven words.  Brother is fine, but SIL, I just can't stand her. Anyway, both treat the child very well. 

On the in-laws side, they all seem to agree, mother, father, brother: Wolvie's is a mummy's baby, we're too eager to make her feel well, we should let her cry alone, she should be sleeping on her own, she should be more independent... Then they are all surprised to see she is such a nice, smiley and confident baby... Maybe because we don't listen to stupid advice...

At the base of these complaints is MIL's desire to keep the baby with her at their place for a few days. She doesn't seem to think about how it would be for such a young baby to spend two or three days without seeing her parents, that hasn't even crossed her mind. What worries her is that as long as the kid is being breastfed (we've began blw but she says we should gave her baby food) and sleeping in my company, it is impossible for her to keep her at their place without me.

FIL doesn't pay her much attention, and when he does it's to try to scare her, which he thinks is funny. Fortunately she is not easy to scare and just gives him the serious look, probably wondering what's that man trying to do. His usual comments haven't changed: we're her slaves, we sacrifice too much, you shouldn't pay her attention when she cries... The worst, a very painful comment: "hurry up and give me more grandchildren". After all the shit we have gone these past years, a comment like that one feels extremely hurting. But, of course, "it's a joke". 

 

[WhiteGhost]

1 hour ago, Lara said:

Paella is a dish, typical of my region, which consists of, according to the people inhabiting these ungodly forums, rice with things

Not just any old things, mind you, protein things.  Also some kind of flavoring like turmeric or saffron (or ketchup in a pinch).  Combine these together and it is basically a classic Spanish Paella   

 

It's really good that Wolfie is growing so quickly because pretty soon she is going to be able to punch people, and there are a lot of people around you who need that, apparently

[deftona]

40 minutes ago, WhiteGhost said:

or ketchup in a pinch

 

[Lara]

1 hour ago, WhiteGhost said:

Not just any old things, mind you, protein things.  Also some kind of flavoring like turmeric or saffron (or ketchup in a pinch).  Combine these together and it is basically a classic Spanish Paella   

Your ignorance on the subject is so huge that in your joke you mentioned an actual ingredient without knowing 😛

[WhiteGhost]

52 minutes ago, Lara said:

you mentioned an actual ingredient

It was the ketchup, wasn't it  

[Lara]

21 minutes ago, WhiteGhost said:

It was the ketchup, wasn't it  

You're right. Wolvie should start punching people soon enough.

[annyshay]

13 hours ago, Lara said:

Hiii! How are you doing?

Well, it's been quite the year, honestly. I need to catch you all up on some pretty big shifts in my life. Things have been looking up for the last few weeks though. I had a big break through during a breath work session, and I'm feeling much more hopeful since then. 

 

I'm sorry to hear that Wolvie's sleep has been such an issue. Sleep deprivation is a HUGE beast. Sending good, sleepy vibes.

 

Also, your family does deserve some punches. Just sayin'.

[Ai-seimei]

6 hours ago, Lara said:

Family matters

  Hide contents

Wolvie is six months old, and my father still hasn't seen her. My mother reported weird behaviours of him, such as being angry when she put Wolvie's picture on the family corner and taking his own picture away. My mother is behaving, and even made an attempt to apologise about how she treated me when I was a kid, although we're talking of a text message containing eleven words.  Brother is fine, but SIL, I just can't stand her. Anyway, both treat the child very well. 

On the in-laws side, they all seem to agree, mother, father, brother: Wolvie's is a mummy's baby, we're too eager to make her feel well, we should let her cry alone, she should be sleeping on her own, she should be more independent... Then they are all surprised to see she is such a nice, smiley and confident baby... Maybe because we don't listen to stupid advice...

At the base of these complaints is MIL's desire to keep the baby with her at their place for a few days. She doesn't seem to think about how it would be for such a young baby to spend two or three days without seeing her parents, that hasn't even crossed her mind. What worries her is that as long as the kid is being breastfed (we've began blw but she says we should gave her baby food) and sleeping in my company, it is impossible for her to keep her at their place without me.

FIL doesn't pay her much attention, and when he does it's to try to scare her, which he thinks is funny. Fortunately she is not easy to scare and just gives him the serious look, probably wondering what's that man trying to do. His usual comments haven't changed: we're her slaves, we sacrifice too much, you shouldn't pay her attention when she cries... The worst, a very painful comment: "hurry up and give me more grandchildren". After all the shit we have gone these past years, a comment like that one feels extremely hurting. But, of course, "it's a joke". 

 

 

As someone with multiple degrees in the field of psychology, and specializations that focus on children specifically, I would like you to know that your in-laws are wrong. The old school of thought that letting babies "cry it out" is acceptable has been shown to actually have negative impacts on young children. As she gets older, and her communication skills increase, you can add conversations about the feelings (physical and emotional) she is experiencing to help her practice processing, but letting her cry it out and ignoring her is a bad idea. I'm not sure how old your baby is, but I wouldn't recommend having her spend days away from her parents until she is old enough to have and understand a conversation about what will be happening (and even then only if the in-laws agree that she gets to speak with you guys via phone or whatnot on a daily basis). I'd be extra concerned about long visits without parents when they have those kinds of attitudes about crying it out (especially since they would likely be having her sleep by herself which is a huge change to get used to, and not comforting her when she got upset) and the trying to scare her thing would concern me as well.

 

From everything I have read, it sounds like you guys are excellent parents! Keep it up, and know that science backs up your decision to ignore your in-laws' advice!

[Lara]

1 hour ago, Ai-seimei said:

 

As someone with multiple degrees in the field of psychology, and specializations that focus on children specifically, I would like you to know that your in-laws are wrong. The old school of thought that letting babies "cry it out" is acceptable has been shown to actually have negative impacts on young children. As she gets older, and her communication skills increase, you can add conversations about the feelings (physical and emotional) she is experiencing to help her practice processing, but letting her cry it out and ignoring her is a bad idea. I'm not sure how old your baby is, but I wouldn't recommend having her spend days away from her parents until she is old enough to have and understand a conversation about what will be happening (and even then only if the in-laws agree that she gets to speak with you guys via phone or whatnot on a daily basis). I'd be extra concerned about long visits without parents when they have those kinds of attitudes about crying it out (especially since they would likely be having her sleep by herself which is a huge change to get used to, and not comforting her when she got upset) and the trying to scare her thing would concern me as well.

 

From everything I have read, it sounds like you guys are excellent parents! Keep it up, and know that science backs up your decision to ignore your in-laws' advice!

 

That's nice of you to take the time to write this. You help reassure us in our choices, and anyway I'm not listening to my in-laws nonsense.

I know that babies are not just small sized adults, but still I have a rule not to treat kids in a way I wouldn't treat any adult I'd care for. If a friend came to me crying in distress, would I think "I won't listen to her, otherwise she will get used to receive attention"? If someone at my place broke something accidentally, would I yell at him? This images help gain perspective, but some people just don't see the point of treating children with respect.

About staying alone with her grandpas, there is a lot for me to say about that. You give very good reasons, valid to any child on earth, but on top of that I have personal reasons to avoid that situation.

First, context: they assume we will do that because that's what they did. Because to them it was slavery to take care of their children. In summer, they would send them with their father's parents, +500 km away, to get rid of them. The whole summer, 3 months. So they could travel and do things.

Not only I will not allow such thing now because she is obviously too young. I won't allow it later (serious rant coming)

1) I'm in charge of raising my child, and it is definitely not slavery to me, like they want us to think. I enjoy taking care of her. 

2) I don't need to get rid of her to travel. The opposite, I'm eager that she'll be old enough to show her the world.

3) and this is the really serious one. I'm NEVER going to leave my daughter alone with someone that used to beat his children, sometimes just for fun (my boyfriend remembers one occasion when he was asleep in his room and suddenly the lights went on, his father appeared, slapped him, and laughed saying "haha, what a face he made". Other days he would come home frustrated from work and would throw him to the floor to kick him). We're talking about a man who used to hit his child and a woman who did NOTHING about it. How on earth do they think my child is ever going to spend time alone with them, it escapes me. Maybe because that happened a long time ago and everybody has "forgotten" about it?

My boyfriend thinks his father has gone "soft" as years have passed, to what I agree, and that he would never hurt her, and there I disagree. I'm sure he wouldn't hurt her if she stays with them, let's say one afternoon. Let's say the kid is older and we need help and there is no other solution. But, days? How long until he would get frustrated because she didn't let him sleep, because she was too noisy, because she broke something, or whatever? How long until he'd go back to his successful parenting style?

[Lara]

3 hours ago, annyshay said:

Well, it's been quite the year, honestly. I need to catch you all up on some pretty big shifts in my life. Things have been looking up for the last few weeks though. I had a big break through during a breath work session, and I'm feeling much more hopeful since then.

I'll try to take a look at your thread, although unfortunately I can't promise.

Thanks for the visit!

[annyshay]

2 minutes ago, Lara said:

I'll try to take a look at your thread, although unfortunately I can't promise.

Thanks for the visit!

Totally understand, love. Hugs!

[Lara]

27.12

Food was mainly fruits and veggies today. I needed to recover from yesterday. I still don't understand what happened. My boyfriend ate the same dish and he is ok.

No walk today, I was feeling pretty tired.

The thing I enjoy was taking a long shower, while listening to some music. Last minute with cold water was awesome. 

Meditation: there was a hint of anxiety, but mainly felt calm and happy. 

 

[KB Girl]

Seriously impressed you're posting daily and doing all the things

 

On 12/26/2020 at 3:24 PM, Lara said:

Hi! Nice to see you here.

Yes, I sleep with her too, otherwise it would make it even more difficult for me to sleep.  Here it is quite common anyway to do family bed, so even with a quieter kid I would have probably done the same. Of course in-laws think I should do the opposite and place her in her own room already (we've spent christmas with them and FIL got me on my nerves).

 

On the 24th we saw a couple of friends who have a baby around Wolvie's age. But he was SO different. He was sleeping in his baby buggy when we met, and when he woke up he just stayed there, looking at the ceiling. They didn't need to pay him attention during the hour and a half we spent together (which is a bit sad, to be honest) and when they finally took him out of the buggy, he was just there doing nothing. Apparently, that's how babies are? I could have three like that one and run my own circus at the same time 😅

(Wolvie has never wanted to be in the buggy, it was like putting her over hot coal. I tried at first, but after a few attempts, I was tired of having to push the buggy with one arm while carrying her in the other, so since then I only use a carrier or carry her in my arms) .

While the other kid was peacefully sleeping, Wolvie didn't stop "talking" to us, paying attention to the conversations, playing with anything at hand (was fascinated by a guy's beard), and when the other baby appeared she was amazed and since that moment there was nothing else in the world, and spent the time touching him and talking to him. 

Don't misunderstand me because of such a comparison. I really like Wolvie's character. I love that she's bright and always interested in the world around her. It's just that I felt a bit of envy, because they sleep, have a regular life, go to places (Wolvie hates the car because in her seat she can't move), and looked overall rested and happy, while I look like a crazy zombie obsessed with napping, hoping she'll be able to take a shower before new year's eve .

It can be so pleasant to wake up together, definitely more so after some actual sleep though x) 

When I had my first (really I'm getting dejavu's from your descriptions, she would start screaming as soon as the stroller came into view) a friend of mine had a baby that slept through the night at 6 weeks old and she was BORED with her maternity leave. BORED? Really?!

But like you, I love(d) her to bits with my whole sleep deprived heart. 

 

On 12/27/2020 at 9:04 AM, Lara said:

Family matters

  Hide contents

Wolvie is six months old, and my father still hasn't seen her. My mother reported weird behaviours of him, such as being angry when she put Wolvie's picture on the family corner and taking his own picture away. My mother is behaving, and even made an attempt to apologise about how she treated me when I was a kid, although we're talking of a text message containing eleven words.  Brother is fine, but SIL, I just can't stand her. Anyway, both treat the child very well. 

On the in-laws side, they all seem to agree, mother, father, brother: Wolvie's is a mummy's baby, we're too eager to make her feel well, we should let her cry alone, she should be sleeping on her own, she should be more independent... Then they are all surprised to see she is such a nice, smiley and confident baby... Maybe because we don't listen to stupid advice...

At the base of these complaints is MIL's desire to keep the baby with her at their place for a few days. She doesn't seem to think about how it would be for such a young baby to spend two or three days without seeing her parents, that hasn't even crossed her mind. What worries her is that as long as the kid is being breastfed (we've began blw but she says we should gave her baby food) and sleeping in my company, it is impossible for her to keep her at their place without me.

FIL doesn't pay her much attention, and when he does it's to try to scare her, which he thinks is funny. Fortunately she is not easy to scare and just gives him the serious look, probably wondering what's that man trying to do. His usual comments haven't changed: we're her slaves, we sacrifice too much, you shouldn't pay her attention when she cries... The worst, a very painful comment: "hurry up and give me more grandchildren". After all the shit we have gone these past years, a comment like that one feels extremely hurting. But, of course, "it's a joke". 

 

I don't even have to deal with them and my blood is already boiling. You're a saint for allowing them near your child at all. 

Oh and for what it's worth- I didn't let mine sleep over at my moms until she was at least 1,5 years old. And my mom is lovely and caring and lives 5 minutes away and my child was used to her and they slept together. And I hear ya on the surprise that she was such a happy baby from the people that had 'opinions' about the way we do things. 

 

20 hours ago, Lara said:

I have a rule not to treat kids in a way I wouldn't treat any adult I'd care for. If a friend came to me crying in distress, would I think "I won't listen to her, otherwise she will get used to receive attention"? If someone at my place broke something accidentally, would I yell at him? This images help gain perspective, but some people just don't see the point of treating children with respect.

I am happy for wolvie that she has such great parents, this right there is what I wish was a standard instead of really odd. Even just smaller things like asking questions that you know the answer to or expecting them to perform or expecting them to give hugs even though they don't want to or expecting them to share their stuff even though they don't want to.