How to rebuild a Wolverine

[Lara]

2 minutes ago, KB Girl said:

Seriously impressed you're posting daily and doing all the things

You can imagine when do I write all my posts...

 

3 minutes ago, KB Girl said:

a friend of mine had a baby that slept through the night at 6 weeks old 

Mine used to sleep 5-6 hours without waking up for the first three months. Her bad nights she would wake up every three hours. After three months everything went to hell and now I consider myself lucky if I can sleep 2 hours in a row...

 

6 minutes ago, KB Girl said:

20 hours ago, Lara said:

 

I am happy for wolvie that she has such great parents

I don't feel such a great parent today. I slept nothing and I'm cranky and she is cranky too and this is not going to be a fun day *sigh*

[KB Girl]

2 minutes ago, Lara said:

Mine used to sleep 5-6 hours without waking up for the first three months. Her bad nights she would wake up every three hours. After three months everything went to hell and now I consider myself lucky if I can sleep 2 hours in a row...

I'm crossing all my fingers and toes it gets better soon. 

 

5 minutes ago, Lara said:

I don't feel such a great parent today. I slept nothing and I'm cranky and she is cranky too and this is not going to be a fun day *sigh*

You are though, you really are. Maybe -if you can find the will/energy somewhere- put her in the carrier and get out of the house, that always makes everyone feel better. 

 

[Lara]

25 minutes ago, KB Girl said:

Maybe -if you can find the will/energy somewhere- put her in the carrier and get out of the house, that always makes everyone feel better. 

 

Yes, I try to do that everyday, to spend sometime outside. Otherwise I would go crazy. In days like this it is not easy though.

 

One question about parental responsibility: how much of a crazy mom I'd be if instead of taking that evening stroll through the parks I'm tired of, I'd took my frontal lantern and go outside the city? On one side I feel is no big deal, on the other side I feel like I should not do such things while the baby is in the carrier, just in case. Have any of you tried? It would really improve my days if I could leave town for a little while everyday, since I usually need the morning to try to get some sleep.

 

[KB Girl]

4 minutes ago, Lara said:

One question about parental responsibility: how much of a crazy mom I'd be if instead of taking that evening stroll through the parks I'm tired of, I'd took my frontal lantern and go outside the city? On one side I feel is no big deal, on the other side I feel like I should not do such things while the baby is in the carrier, just in case. Have any of you tried? It would really improve my days if I could leave town for a little while everyday, since I usually need the morning to try to get some sleep.

 

I think I need a bit more context, why do you feel its crazy? 

I've always gone wherever I pleased. We do have good cell phone reception everywhere. 

[Lara]

8 minutes ago, KB Girl said:

I think I need a bit more context, why do you feel its crazy? 

I've always gone wherever I pleased. We do have good cell phone reception everywhere. 

Maybe because it implies going along the edge of a roundabout that has a shoulder but no sidewalk. It has barely no traffic and I cross it everyday by daylight, but I feel irresponsible about doing so at night, although it is well lit. Then, outside the city, I guess I'm scared I could stumble and fall.
I don't seem to be able to know whether these are real fears or just my foggy underslept brain being paranoid.

There are other ways, safer, to get out of town, but they are farther away.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

I'm gonna go with underslept brain. I take Little Bit anywhere I want to in a stroller, including off-roading.

[Lara]

11 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I'm gonna go with underslept brain. I take Little Bit anywhere I want to in a stroller, including off-roading.

Even when it gets dark and you'd need to use a flashlight ?

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

12 minutes ago, Lara said:

Even when it gets dark and you'd need to use a flashlight ?

It hasn't come up yet, but I'm gonna say do your thing and don't worry, you've got several other parents telling you there's nothing wrong with it, myself included.

[Lara]

23 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

It hasn't come up yet, but I'm gonna say do your thing and don't worry, you've got several other parents telling you there's nothing wrong with it, myself included.

Then I might try today ☺️

[Ann of Owlshire]

Yay you’re back! I’ve been thinking about you.

 

You’re doing great as parents. I basically had all the same things you did—people telling me I was being too soft, I should let him cry, etc. etc. And then around when he was 1 and was a happy, confident baby-transitioning to toddler, they seemed to decide I’d done fine and stopped commenting so much. But when you’re tired and emotionally vulnerable and new to it all, getting all those comments can just cause you a crisis of faith in yourself.

 

That said, now that we’re in the Terrible Twos and there are tantrums and potty training imminent and all that, I get plenty of comments again XD Unfortunately, people are always going to tell you you’re parenting wrong, it’s just a thing and it’s pretty cross-cultural. But you clearly have good instincts, follow them. You know your child better than anyone else.

[Ann of Owlshire]

4 hours ago, Lara said:

Yes, I try to do that everyday, to spend sometime outside. Otherwise I would go crazy. In days like this it is not easy though.

 

One question about parental responsibility: how much of a crazy mom I'd be if instead of taking that evening stroll through the parks I'm tired of, I'd took my frontal lantern and go outside the city? On one side I feel is no big deal, on the other side I feel like I should not do such things while the baby is in the carrier, just in case. Have any of you tried? It would really improve my days if I could leave town for a little while everyday, since I usually need the morning to try to get some sleep.

 

 

Agreeing with the other parents. Use normal night-time walking precautions, and go for a walk. You could put a “head light” on the buggy like bicycles do if you wanted to improve visibility for the buggy. 

[Lara]

15 minutes ago, Ann of Owlshire said:

 

Agreeing with the other parents. Use normal night-time walking precautions, and go for a walk. You could put a “head light” on the buggy like bicycles do if you wanted to improve visibility for the buggy. 

That is an excellent idea! Thank you. Yes, it vill probably help me feel more comfortable with night strolls.

 

21 minutes ago, Ann of Owlshire said:

But when you’re tired and emotionally vulnerable and new to it all, getting all those comments can just cause you a crisis of faith in yourself.

Yes. They repeat the same things again and again, and when the kid has a couple of bad days, because of bad sleep or because she is hungrier or whatever, you inadvertently start to wonder if they are right. I know they're not, but as you say, sometimes you feel so vulnerable and inexperienced...

[Ann of Owlshire]

Just now, Lara said:

24 minutes ago, Ann of Owlshire said:

 

Yes. They repeat the same things again and again, and when the kid has a couple of bad days, because of bad sleep or because she is hungrier or whatever, you inadvertently start to wonder if they are right. I know they're not, but as you say, sometimes you feel so vulnerable and inexperienced...

 

The point I felt freed as a parent was the point where I decide “to He** with them (people, the books, etc.) all, I’ll do this the way I think is right for him.” I mean, I can easily see how that can go badly in the wrong hands, but I wouldn’t have suggested such if I thought you weren’t capable XD 

[Mad Hatter]

6 hours ago, Lara said:

I don't seem to be able to know whether these are real fears or just my foggy underslept brain being paranoid.

Would you be concerned without the baby? If not it's probably paranoia. But I'm pretty sure it's underslept brain.  

 

Don't lose faith in yourself! You're an amazing parent, so keep sticking to your guns and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

[Lara]

5 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

Would you be concerned without the baby? If not it's probably paranoia. But I'm pretty sure it's underslept brain.  

 

Don't lose faith in yourself! You're an amazing parent, so keep sticking to your guns and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Nice to see you back! I had checked your thread but seemed abandoned.

 

No, I wouldn't be concerned on my own. In fact, is something I used to do. Just that with the kid felt "different", something people usually don't do with such small kids.

 

Thanks! I'm trying my best, only that sometimes doubts arise, and I wonder what will happen in the long run.

[Mad Hatter]

7 minutes ago, Lara said:

Nice to see you back! I had checked your thread but seemed abandoned.

 

No, I wouldn't be concerned on my own. In fact, is something I used to do. Just that with the kid felt "different", something people usually don't do with such small kids.

 

Thanks! I'm trying my best, only that sometimes doubts arise, and I wonder what will happen in the long run.

Likewise!  Not quite abandoned, but I haven't posted because of few rough days.

 

I bet it's hard! And every parent makes mistakes. but I'm 100% that with your love and support the kid will turn out juuuuust fine!  

[Lara]

28.12

One of the worst nights. I "woke up" (between brackets because I wasn't actually asleep before I left my bed) angry and frustrated. Yet another day that I have to choose between having something ressembling a life, or using my free time to take a nap so I can hold on until bed time.

Went straight to the shower and cold raised my mood for a while. I didn't stay for the whole minute though. 

The thing I enjoy was to take a walk in the dusk out of town. Many thanks to KB Girl, Tanktimus and Ann of Owlshire for their support with it this afternoon . Didn't need the flashlight since there was still some light when I was coming back and there was a full moon too. I spent the afternoon looking for excuses not to go (it's cold, I'm tired, Wolvie is so cranky today she won't want to go in the carrier, it may rain or worse, snow...) but in the end I did it and enjoyed it very much.

Healthiest meals were lunch (salad, salmon, potatos) and dinner (green beans cocido), so that makes two healthy meals today.  Meditation: could identify a bit of anxiety, nothing else.  

[Lara]

29.12

Water was painfully cold this morning (9C), and my fingers and toes were cold for a long while. The reward came later when I took a walk and it was almost 0C and my hands and feet were burning, no need for gloves or keeping my hands in my pockets.

Said walk was in the city today, since it looked like it could snow (today was a real possibility, not an excuse).

The thing I enjoy was walking silently under the rain. It was very cold so the park was empty. Also, dancing to "all of me" with Wolvie. 

No completely healthy meal. Best was lunch, but there was too much bread.

Meditation: forgotten. 

[Lara]

30.12

Three really bad nights of sleep in a row and I'm desperate again.

No cold water, healthy meals, nor going outside today, I'm too tired and have no willpower or energy to do anything.

[KB Girl]

Had to think of you this night when I couldn't get the baby back to sleep in a way that also allowed me to sleep, for four freaking hours. Those days, as long as I keep the kids alive, I'm good. 

[Ai-seimei]

5 hours ago, Lara said:

30.12

Three really bad nights of sleep in a row and I'm desperate again.

No cold water, healthy meals, nor going outside today, I'm too tired and have no willpower or energy to do anything.

You've got this! Tomorrow is a new day! If you're still super exhausted and low, just pick one of the things and do that for sure. Or, do bits (i.e. 10 seconds of cold water is better than 0 seconds, eating veggies with a meal is better than no healthy part to the meal, walking around the block (or to the mailbox and back) is better than not leaving the house at all, etc...). And regardless of anything else, you are an awesome mom every day, so you get a big win there!

[Heidi]

5 hours ago, Lara said:

too tired and have no willpower or energy to do anything.

Rest when and as you can, @Lara.

Be gentle with yourself.

You are a human being, not a human doing.

Breathing is enough.

You are enough.

❣️

[Lara]

10 hours ago, KB Girl said:

Had to think of you this night when I couldn't get the baby back to sleep in a way that also allowed me to sleep, for four freaking hours. Those days, as long as I keep the kids alive, I'm good. 

Tha sounds awful 🥺 I hope tonight was better.

 

8 hours ago, Ai-seimei said:

You've got this! Tomorrow is a new day! If you're still super exhausted and low, just pick one of the things and do that for sure. Or, do bits (i.e. 10 seconds of cold water is better than 0 seconds, eating veggies with a meal is better than no healthy part to the meal, walking around the block (or to the mailbox and back) is better than not leaving the house at all, etc...). And regardless of anything else, you are an awesome mom every day, so you get a big win there!

That's what I tried. Meals weren't that bad in the end, although I ate tons of bread.

Dinner was quite good (rice with things).

 

7 hours ago, Heidi said:

Rest when and as you can, @Lara.

Be gentle with yourself.

You are a human being, not a human doing.

Breathing is enough.

You are enough.

❣️

Thank you so much for this message, Heidi. I love the way you write.

I've been a lurker of your threads for years, but I don't think I ever commented. Maybe I should had to. I think you're brave, and the ways you've faced the challenges in your life, are really inspiring.

[Ann of Owlshire]

Give yourself some grace. Having a new little baby is a big strain and a huge shock to your world, and it’s something we’re not designed to have to do on our own (despite that’s how Western culture has made it to be). A friend of mine once described it as having a nuclear bomb detonated on her life. (And she enjoyed motherhood!) We can’t always be our best selves when we’re exhausted and hormonal and have had our life entirely shaken up by a new dependent little human. And it’s not like a bad habit that we can just choose to stop. The baby is still there, they still have needs that we have to fulfill. So we carry on, the best we can.

 

Development for babies and small children is not a straight line. It isn’t for adults either—and especially not when you’ve gone through a major life changing ordeal (like having your first baby, or living through a pandemic, or perhaps both at the same time)—but somehow we forget that.

 

❤️ 

[Lara]

Last part of the day yesterday was better. I tried to focus on the idea that these days will pass and I will miss a lot of what I have now, so I'd rather try to enjoy as much as I can (taking in account the energy I have).

Night was slightly better. Woke up and took a shower, with a very nice cold end that gave me a lot of energy.

The day was delightfully cold and sunny, so I decided to skip morning nap and take the car to go to the woods while boyfriend took care of Wolvie's nap. Then in-laws called and said they will be coming tomorrow to have lunch and spend the afternoon with us and my mood dropped. I had the idea that we would spend these days together, the three of us. It is not usual that my boyfriend gets four free days in a row and I had plenty of (limited) plans, but their call drew us to argue and I ended up frustrated and sad and crying in bed instead of taking that walk.

 I understand that with the covid restrictions they have barely seen the kid in months and want to make the most of these days, but I'm still angry from christmas (and on monday I woke up from morning nap and they were also here) and I was hoping I wouldn't see them at least until kings's day.  Now I just want to curl up in bed and cry and I don't want to do anything.

I know I'm being childish, because despite their visit I should keep my plans and enjoy holidays, instead of making things worse for myself, but I don't seem to be able to get out of this mood.