How to rebuild a Wolverine

[Lara]

3.1

Cold water, 1 minute. 4 breathing cycles.

Healthy lunch: salad, seabass. 

Going out: short walk in the park carrying Wolvie.

A thing I enjoy: movement. Tried (finally!) some exercises to try to fix diastasis recti. I could breath way better afterwards. 

What do I feel meditation: I can breathe. I feel love. 

[Waanie]

I'm sorry about the situation with the in-laws . Would it be a possible solution if your kid your boyfriend will visit your in-laws for a weekend, without you? Then you can have some time for yourself,  your boyfriend sees how much energy it costs to travel with a baby, and the in-laws will have some baby-time. 

[Lara]

42 minutes ago, Waanie said:

I'm sorry about the situation with the in-laws . Would it be a possible solution if your kid your boyfriend will visit your in-laws for a weekend, without you? Then you can have some time for yourself,  your boyfriend sees how much energy it costs to travel with a baby, and the in-laws will have some baby-time. 

Helloooo!

It's not possible yet. Despite the surprising amount of food she gobbles down at every opportunity , apparently she still needs to nurse two hundred times a day... And anyway she's too young to spend so much time away from me (or me from her, too! 🙂)

[Endor]

On 1/1/2021 at 3:55 AM, Lara said:

He feels he is being pushed from both sides and there is no way he can get both parts happy. What is not so fair is that the part always having to yield is me

It might be time for him  to get his priorities right.  I've dealt with this for years and years with my parents.  They pushed away every girlfriend until finally when i got married i said enough is enough and i chose my wife instead of them. A lot of ongoing conflict and upset but my wife knows I'm on her side. She has no contact with them and i understand why.  

 

It sounds complex for him with all that history. The question i ask myself sometimes is would i have these people in my life if they were not family?  Just because they are family does not mean they get to behave however they want with no consequences. Beating a child is never ever ok and trying to scare a baby to me is the equivalent when you can't hurt them physically because they are too fragile or not yours.  This is a very poor excuse for a human and i would spend as little time in his company as possible. 

 

Basically your father in law sounds like a total asshole with some serious psychological issues. I wouldn't feel bad about any controls you put in place to limit exposure to him for you or your baby.  

 

The sleep deprivation must be tough,. In time it will pass, this is not forever.  You already made it through 6 months. Your daughter is lucky to have a mother who loves her so much.  

 

You're doing all the right things. 

 

Have you played your flute recently?  It might be an outlet for you and maybe wolvie would like to hear it? Just an idea, i know next to nothing about babies!

 

Also, hello! Great to see you again

[Heidi]

1 hour ago, Lara said:

And I know this will make me very unpopular around here, but I don't like baths nor tea 😛

Whatever works for you is the right thing!

 

I'm glad you got some rest.

Breathwork helped me greatly during the months after each if the children were born.

❣️

[Endor]

1 hour ago, Lara said:

I don't like baths or tea

https://imgur.com/gallery/ySqXvJj

 

[Waanie]

18 minutes ago, Lara said:

It's not possible yet. Despite the surprising amount of food she gobbles down at every opportunity , apparently she still needs to nurse two hundred times a day... And anyway she's too young to spend so much time away from me (or me from her, too! 🙂)

Ah, okay. I know almost nothing about babies and appropriate ages and such 😅. Take good care of yourself, and good luck!

[KB Girl]

2 hours ago, Lara said:

Despite the surprising amount of food she gobbles down at every opportunity , apparently she still needs to nurse two hundred times a day... And anyway she's too young to spend so much time away from me (or me from her, too! 🙂)

I feel this one! Despite sometimes wishing she wasn’t so fully dependant on me, so I could leave for more than 2 hours in a row... I probably would go crazy if I had to miss her for more than... 3? 4?

this will all be over soon 🤷‍♀️

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

4 hours ago, Lara said:

And I know this will make me very unpopular around here, but I don't like baths nor tea 😛

We don't have to smell you and Spanish coffee is so good I can't blame you for not being interested in tea. (I thought I knew what good coffee was til I went to Spain back when I was in college).

[Lara]

14 hours ago, Endor said:

The question i ask myself sometimes is would i have these people in my life if they were not family?  Just because they are family does not mean they get to behave however they want with no consequences.

^This^

I totally agree. In my opinion there is a step he doesn't dare to take. He dislikes his father, and I'd say there is still a lot of anger against him, but for some reason he can't face it fully. I guess his father did a good job.

 

14 hours ago, Endor said:

Basically your father in law sounds like a total asshole with some serious psychological issues.

Once again, totally agree. He is one of those people who knows better than you about absolutely everything, and parenting is not an exception.

About scaring the kid, well, since it doesn't seem I can stop that behaviour, that's to him to decide which kind of relationship he wants to build.

 

14 hours ago, Endor said:

The sleep deprivation must be tough,. In time it will pass, this is not forever.  You already made it through 6 months. Your daughter is lucky to have a mother who loves her so much.

 

You're doing all the right things. 

Thank you. I'm really trying my best. Sometimes it's hard to see if I'm doing things "right".

And tonight she slept from 1 to half past 4 without waking up! 🙂

 

14 hours ago, Endor said:

Have you played your flute recently?  It might be an outlet for you and maybe wolvie would like to hear it? Just an idea, i know next to nothing about babies!

I've played the recorder for her and she liked it. She always takes it away from my hands and looks frustrated because it doesn't sound in her hands 😅 I haven't tried with the flute because it would probably be too loud. My boyfriend tried with the violin, which is not as loud, and she cried.

 

So nice to see you back here! 😍

[Lara]

13 hours ago, Endor said:

https://imgur.com/gallery/ySqXvJj

 

😛😛😛

 

13 hours ago, Waanie said:

Ah, okay. I know almost nothing about babies and appropriate ages and such 😅.

You probably know more than what I knew six months ago 😅

 

11 hours ago, KB Girl said:

Despite sometimes wishing she wasn’t so fully dependant on me, so I could leave for more than 2 hours in a row... I probably would go crazy if I had to miss her for more than... 3? 4?

Haha, mother's incoherence

 

10 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

We don't have to smell you and Spanish coffee is so good I can't blame you for not being interested in tea. (I thought I knew what good coffee was til I went to Spain back when I was in college).

I don't like coffee either 😅

I always hear this thing about coffee being so good in Spain, although spanish people have a completely different opinion.

Maybe the reason foreigners find coffee good here is because we use italian coffee pots?

 

 

[Lara]

14 hours ago, Heidi said:

Breathwork helped me greatly during the months after each if the children were born.

How something so simple can be so helpful...

[Endor]

57 minutes ago, Lara said:

looks frustrated because it doesn't sound in her hands

Aah that is sooo cute!

 

51 minutes ago, Lara said:

Maybe the reason foreigners find coffee good here is because we use italian coffee pots?

Maybe it's because it's so bad where they're from. I told myself i wouldn't weigh in on this because we tend to have strong opinions on it down here.  Australia has a massive coffee culture and yes, we believe aussies make the best coffee!

 

However the best I've ever had was in Bali...processed by a Civet. 

[Lara]

1 hour ago, Endor said:

However the best I've ever had was in Bali...processed by a Civet. 

If by civet you mean the cat I need more context here.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

5 hours ago, Lara said:

If by civet you mean the cat I need more context here.

It's a heck of a rabbit hole to go down...

https://www.theguardian.com/sustainable-business/2014/sep/19/civet-cat-coffee-worlds-most-expensive-brew-made-sustainably-kopi-luwak

[Lara]

1 hour ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

It's a heck of a rabbit hole to go down...

https://www.theguardian.com/sustainable-business/2014/sep/19/civet-cat-coffee-worlds-most-expensive-brew-made-sustainably-kopi-luwak

😮😮

[Endor]

1 hour ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

It's a heck of a rabbit hole to go down...

https://www.theguardian.com/sustainable-business/2014/sep/19/civet-cat-coffee-worlds-most-expensive-brew-made-sustainably-kopi-luwak

That's very interesting,  i had no idea about the cruelty.  I would not sample that again unless i knew it was wild and sustainable.  It was many years ago i tried it. Have to say though it was excellent. 

 

7 hours ago, Lara said:

If by civet you mean the cat I need more context here.

Yes cat poo coffee is the best! 

[Lara]

4.1

Healthy meal: kale cocido.

No cold water. 4 breathing cycles.

A thing I enjoy: movement again! 

Going out: found a sourdough bread bakery in town and went to buy some. Second short walk in the evening.

How do I feel meditation: a bit of anguish. Happiness. Cried a bit but without bad feelings, felt like a relief.

Day was easier today since Wolvie slept a bit better, and I also had the chance to sleep one hour after lunch. I am a totally different person today.

[KB Girl]

All the sleep \o/

crazy what a difference it makes hm. 

[Lara]

I knew I didn't want to go have lunch with in-laws on kings day, as we've always done, and I knew boyfriend didn't want them to come have lunch here*, so I decided to discard their tradition and invite them at mid-afternoon for kings' cake and hot chocolate. There was resistance: "you don't feel like coming here for lunch?" I had to explain, again, that more than 15-20 minutes in the car are hell for Wolvie (and therefore for us) and that it's way easier for them to come, since they don't need to take in account anything but getting themselves in the car. They accepted.

Later in the evening, mil sent a message. They are not sure about coming, it will depend on the weather since it seems we're going to have some more snow.

Boyfriend was a bit mad about this. He thinks that if it were us the ones travelling, they wouldn't have accepted snow as an excuse. He said he could hear her mom "come early in the morning and leave before the snow". And he added she would probably be glad if in the end we got trapped by the snow and had to stay there for a couple of days. My brain doesn't have energy enough to spend on that, I'll leave jouskas to him. 

 

*My boyfriend is a good cook, but his father is quite an extraordinary one. Eating at their place is like eating at a fancy restaurant. It doesn't matter if he serves a traditional dish or avant-garde cuisine, it's all excellent. So when they come eat here my boyfriend wants to prove he can do as well as him and he stresses out a lot because he knows he can't. 

[Endor]

So much Ego in his family it must be exhausting. 

 

I recommend he listens to this audio book or read it: https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.audible.com.au/pd/The-Power-of-Now-Audiobook/B00FGF9FXM&ved=2ahUKEwjstIrYkoTuAhXV4zgGHdwZCgAQoiQwA3oECCYQBw&usg=AOvVaw115HQgtyZ0Fhdy9n2UMQaB

[annyshay]

Hi Lara, sorry to hear the continuing strife with the in-laws and sleep deprivation. Hugs and support.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Good for you for setting boundaries.

[Lara]

5.1

1 minute cold shower. 3 breathing cycles.

Going outside: one hour and a half walk in the evening. 

A thing I enjoy: reading, listening to music early in the morning when Wolvie didn't let me sleep. 

Healthy meal: lunch (salad, chicken, strawberries). 

How do I feel meditation: anguish. Thrill. 

 

In-laws update. They've called today saying that past saturday they spent time at a bar having some beers with someone that was confirmed covid positive this morning. They are waiting for their own test.

[Lara]

The endless night. She's been waking up every 45 minutes. Four hours left. Somebody kill me, pretty please.