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46 minutes ago, Heidi said:

Haha. Me with a personality-void underachiever with Daddy issues?

Havent I done that enough for one lifetime?

😆

Hence my momentary concern :) 

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52

"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

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1 hour ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Hence my momentary concern :) 

Holding out for a Steve-Trevor.

AcceptNoSubstitutes

a completely different steve played by a completely different chris GIF

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Homemade golden noodle soup that is a bowl of coziness and comfort during the dark chilly days of winter. Even better after it married for a day in the fridge.

IMG_20210108_162415_727.jpg
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Day 2 of Chronic Fatigue and it feels like it's settling in, getting deeper. Still can't read (comprehension is wiped) and writing seems alien. Even watching Picard is hard to track today, so that leaves sitting. And breathing. And that is enough.

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Hugs friend. May your sitting be comfortable and your breathing easy.

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52

"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

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3 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Hugs friend. May your sitting be comfortable and your breathing easy.

Thank you, Friend.

I am so glad that I already made soup and bread and tea-cake. Today me is grateful for yesterday me.

 

One of the things that comes with a Chronic Fatigue episode is body aches, in the muscles and down into the bones, especially joints, so I'm doubly grateful for yesterday me deciding to use turmeric and black pepper in the soup.

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7 hours ago, Heidi said:

One of the things that comes with a Chronic Fatigue episode is body aches, in the muscles and down into the bones, especially joints, so I'm doubly grateful for yesterday me deciding to use turmeric and black pepper in the soup.


Ah, sorry about the episode. Do turmeric and pepper help with aches? In fact, I'd be interested in everything you know about fatigue and aches, if you've learned anything. But later, obviously. Rest now.

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Trying to follow the conversation, but I have to say that it's a little difficult. I'm not familiar with martial arts, not watching Cobra-Kai, I'm not a big fan of Terry Pratchett, and I haven't watched Picard yet. lol. I'm doing my best though! 

 

I'm definitely here for the support. 

 

That golden noodle soup looks very yummy. 

 

My step mom who has RA does turmeric sometimes, but her RA is bad enough that she has to have regular infusions to control the pain and deformities. Turmeric does seem to help her out at times though. 

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17 hours ago, Harriet said:


Ah, sorry about the episode. Do turmeric and pepper help with aches? In fact, I'd be interested in everything you know about fatigue and aches, if you've learned anything. But later, obviously. Rest now.

I've learned much, so let's start a conversation about it. For starters, yes: black pepper and turmeric help. The turmeric is anti-inflammatory and a bunch of other tonic-y things; black pepper helps the body absorb and make use of what's amazing in turmeric. Beyond that though, black pepper helps propel the basic neurology and circulation,and the bark around the whole peppercorn is anti-inflammatory in the gut as it's digested, so I swallow a few whole peppercorns in the morning. I include turmeric occasionally in food, but I don't take it daily. I put fresh ginger root in my everyday tea to help address that I am in a fatigued state as a condition.

 

I have a few really delicious prescription recipes for underlying fatigue. Ginger-cardamom yams; Magic Mexican Mocha (which I don't have the ingredients for just now, but definitely need to put back into inventory).

 

Having a daily dose of things has the downside of not being able to use it as an acute remedy. When I have an episode of fatigue, it means that even with the ginger and pepper, my body isn't able to marshall the energy needed to, say, hold knitting needles or a pen; thinking is right out.

 

So there are recipes to add in (as if I have energy to cook!) but also -- importantly! -- time to be taken in reflection of WhatsGoingOnHere.

 

In Chinese Medicine terms, fatigue is related to fire chi, and either it's a case of having too much water and/or cold chi (working against fire) or of doing too much fire activity (burning too much of the fire and depleting it). Frequently both of these are going on.   What's important to know about this is that to address fatigue we have to address the whole system because it's like saying "my horse can't gallop anymore and is not even interested in coming out of the stable to go to the pasture." So we look at what's been going on with the horse: has it been running a freaking marathon at gallop speeds for the last forever long? (In my case, this was definitely true.) Has it been drinking water that is fouled? (Very often true, but not in my case.) Has it been standing in the cold and rain? (True for me, again.) Well no wonder it won't come out of its stall. 🙂

 

Grief is water and it's cold- there's a reason we say we are flooded with grief and that we feel like we are drowning in it. I have a lot of grief in my life, and many of us do now. Processing it is necessary, and it's difficult. I have been good at processing through old grief, and I look forward to the day that new grief doesn't meet me daily. Relationships that are fractured are a source of continuing grief, so some sort of resolution is needed; this is the hardest work I have ever done (upside: doing it has been the source of profound peace).

 

Creativity is fire. Inspiration is a kindling of love energy, and the poets talk about art and love equally. When we are doing creative work, work that is beyond merely physical tasks of chopping wood and carrying water, we are using fire at its source. Learning to sit and be still in my mind as well as in my body has been difficult: worry is a creative act even though it doesn't feel very artful. I know I'm "doing meditation right" when I feel in balance while I sit - balance with the breath and the mind and the body that is.

 

So when I feel fatigued, I have to look at how I've been spending my creativity and possibly overspending it. I need to give that side a rest so that the spark doesn't die, and this is difficult: my mind and my heart are wellsprings of neat ideas and interesting musings. Meditation is akin to taking the time to add an oak log to the base of the fire: it takes a lot of balance and time for it to catch, but once it does it burns slowly and for a long time. For this reason, five minutes of meditation a couple times a day yields more results than one hour-long session once a week. In developing a meditation practice, I have discovered a bed of coals that I can return to for warmth and healing, and a bank of creativity that is sustaining even in dark times; a little fuel goes a long way when my meditation practice is solid and I'm able to write or create deeper and more meaningfully. The whole thing would crash again if I went back to my bonfire days, though, and now that I'm in a fatigued state, I have to be mindful not to take on too much, and to build in flexibility for resting and reflection.

 

This may be much different of an answer than you expected, @Harriet, and I thank you for asking; I hadn't written this down and it gave me the opportunity to really look at WhatsGoingOnHere. If you want to talk more about fatigue and the conditions in your life that are fostering it, I'm happy to do so!

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48 minutes ago, Heidi said:

This may be much different of an answer than you expected, @Harriet, and I thank you for asking; I hadn't written this down and it gave me the opportunity to really look at WhatsGoingOnHere. If you want to talk more about fatigue and the conditions in your life that are fostering it, I'm happy to do so!

 

Thank you so much, Heidi. It is not exactly what I expected, but it's something to reflect on. It seems there is some evidence for several spices on chronic inflammation, and the non-empirical parts of your musings are nevertheless food for reflection. It's interesting that you describe creative work as related to fire. In my practice, fire is ambition, passion, and valour. Sometimes I beseech the fire spirits for the spark of ambition to do my work when faced with mental fog or low mood. Other times I ask the earth spirits for resilience, resolve, and persistence in the face of physical fatigue. And I have visualized the psychic injuries of past depression as a "frost-scorched" earth where ideas and passions cannot easily grow. It has taken a long time for this earth to warm up. My fatigue was worse when I did no creative work (that or I did no work when my fatigue was at its worst) so I'm sure there are causes other than overwork in my case. I don't expect any easy answers on this, though.


I had not thought of meditation in that way, but I like it. I haven't noticed much in the way of immediate benefits from  meditation, but I think when done properly it sweeps away mental clutter (neutralizing fouled water? dousing toxic fires?), and I hope it will help me reconnect my intellectual and emotional halves and create some space for intuitions and insights to arise. It's interesting that you say worry is creative work. It certainly is energy intensive generation of thoughts and solutions, and can be exhausting. Hmm.

Grief is exhausting, as is working through it. I am glad for you that the hard work  you are doing is not without reward.

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1 hour ago, Heidi said:

Magic Mexican Mocha (which I don't have the ingredients for just now, but definitely need to put back into inventory).

 

I'm guessing the chocolate is seasoned with ginger, cardamom or cinnamon, and perhaps some chili powder? Whether I am right or not, share the recipe, please?

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3 minutes ago, Harriet said:

I haven't noticed much in the way of immediate benefits from  meditation, but I think when done properly it sweeps away mental clutter (neutralizing fouled water? dousing toxic fires?)

 

I see meditation as strength training for my mind muscles. On a good day it feels amazing. On a bad day, it's exhausting and painful. Every day, it ends without any obvious immediate benefits, and after doing it for a long time now, I can most definitely see the slow long-term benefits grow. :) 

 

As for sweeping away mental clutter, I think it could do that, if the meditation is done for that purpose. For me it doesn't, because I meditate to soothe the Flame of Anxiety (a third perspective on fire!), and I do sometimes see immediate results with that.

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“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

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20 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

 

I'm guessing the chocolate is seasoned with ginger, cardamom or cinnamon, and perhaps some chili powder? Whether I am right or not, share the recipe, please?

Happily, here is the recipe.

I definitely need to have more of this in my life especially in winter.

 

Ingredients

*Very strong brewed espresso or coffee (decaf is fine, as long as it's Swiss water processed; this is about the phenols more than the caffeine, but if you can deal with caffeine medicinally, this is the time for it)

*Cinnamon -- I prefer Vietnamese for the richness if the oils, but go with what you have.

*Cocoa powder. Ugh, just typing this makes me feel guilty because the production is a bad industry. Say a prayer when you buy it, then use it in good health.

*Raw sugar - adds a depth and pulls the cocoa and cinnamon out

*Cayenne pepper - extra strength or whathaveyou. Be gentle! A little goes a long way.

*Milk - as high a fat content as you can get your hands on because the fat makes everything else bloom (and it's super creamy)

*Vanilla extract.

 

Warm the milk in a pan. Whisk in Cocoa, sugar, cinnamon and cayenne. Stir until incorporated, three to five minutes, keeping the milk just under a boil. Remove from heat. Add vanilla and let cool. Can be stored in the fridge for future use.

 

Add to the espresso or coffee, about 1:1 or to your preference, and stir to combine.

 

 

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2 minutes ago, Heidi said:

 

*Very strong brewed espresso or coffee (decaf is fine, as long as it's Swiss water processed; this is about the phenols more than the caffeine, but if you can deal with caffeine medicinally, this is the time for it)

*Cinnamon -- I prefer Vietnamese for the richness if the oils, but go with what you have.

*Cocoa powder. Ugh, just typing this makes me feel guilty because the production is a bad industry. Say a prayer when you buy it, then use it in good health.

*Raw sugar

*Cayenne pepper - extra strength or whathaveyou. Be gentle! A little goes a long way.

*Milk - as high a fat content as you can get your hands on

*Vanilla extract.

 

Warm the milk in a pan. Whisk in Cocoa, sugar, cinnamon and cayenne. Stir until incorporated, three to five minutes, keeping the milk just under a boil. Remove from heat. Add vanilla and let cool. Can be stored in the fridge for future use.

 

 

Remove the espresso and add a pinch of ginger, and this is an almost exact replica of the hot chocolate me and my friends used to have for girls' movie nights during our college years. We occasionally spiked it with kahlua. :) 

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Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scaly Freak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27

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I had a stupid morning filled with stupid problems by stupid people and I sorted it all out (because im a goddess) and now I'm having A Moment andit involves music. 🙂

 

 

So let's talk about the therapist emailing me individually to again say that I should have asked David's permission about suggesting a visitation event that is a little out of step with the usual time slot. Look, lady. I acknowledged in the request that it was out of step. I don't need his permission. If he wants to say no, that's his prerogative. My attorney asked me to quote her in saying "it seems she wants you to be submissive in communication. How does this advance co-parenting?"

Then dumb stuff with editing because everyone has something to say about Wednesday and if must be said right this very now. Yep, okay. Next?

 

There have been just so very many moments like this for the last month or more.  Aren't they tired of it yet? Whatever.

 

I have a nap to take and a book to read.

 

 

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I thought of you yesterday. We finally got to exchange gifts with Sra. Tanque's family and one of the things Little bit Got was a Tea Party playset. The tea pot makes noise and has a light-up spout which goes off whenever one "pours" the tea. After we got home she started playing with the cups and I would pour her some tea and she'd down it like she was doing shots. I had to pour a LOT of tea for her. I knew you would approve of her enthusiasm for pretend tea.

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"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

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42 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I would pour her some tea and she'd down it like she was doing shots. I had to pour a LOT of tea for her. I

This is the appropriate response!

❣️

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Srsly. Great minds. Skipping right TF past the being kissed while prepping to walk into the grocery store part (shrug - I needed to hop on the forums rightnow apparently) to say - that song has been haunting me all day/ started with the opening bar of Down With The Sickness yesterday and has morphed from there.... 

 

Brains and the cosmos. 

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15 hours ago, Heidi said:

Aren't they tired of it yet? Whatever.

 

At the end of last year I had a big break-through in a pattern of miscommunication with someone. THAT WAS SO EXILARATING.

 

I got tired of the pattern and was looking for ways to get out of it. Cannot imagine living life being a negatively predictable person 😜  At least be creative about it! Being positively predictable often surprises people even when you aren't creative. :)

 

Thanks for sharing the music, it was smoooothhh

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Current challenge: A Woman Who Conquers Herself is Greater | 
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3 hours ago, darkfoxx said:

that song has been haunting me all day/

Which one? I can bring more. . . .

1 hour ago, Athena said:

Thanks for sharing the music, it was smoooothhh

My pleasure!

 

So I had originally cleared todays calendar to look at land for a West coast friend who wants to move back, but it's now under contract, so I think I might work on a couple interviews for the job* and then knit. My brain power wasn't up to reading yesterday. Honestly, this has me a little concerned for the future of my doctoral studies. The Way will open.

 

Everything seems to be going to hell in handbaskets, but all I can do is watch. I know @Rurik Harrgath thinks we Philosophers have given up on humanity, but really it's that we're asking humanity to join us in not giving up on itself.

 

The land I was going to walk today has house, outbuildings including stables, greenhouse, outdoor pavilion with kitchen by the lake, a second lake that is more secluded where we were going to build the Philosopher's hut, 45 acres of rolling good land. The friend and I were a little (okay a lot) bummed and then he said maybe we just need to start from scratch? So I'm looking at land in Floyd, a little pocket of progressives tucked away in the mountains. He asked if I would consider running for town council if I lived there, and I was surprised that the answer is Yes, yes I would. Who knows what will come of it.

 

I haven't heard anything from the paralegal application. The Universe must have other work for me to do. I am lazy and want an iPad so that I don't have to sit at my desk to work. Okay, it's not only laziness: I have finally found a position in which I can sit that doesn't hurt or tire me out, and it involves tipping the recliner almost fully back and sitting in lotus, letting the chair back act as a support near my hips. This is great for reading or knitting or writing in my notebook,but not so much for typing in a keyboard (the mobile interface sux for the blog software). Might have to figure out a more-better solution for putting the laptop on my lotus-lap.

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&,
Amazon of the Way

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53 minutes ago, Heidi said:

Everything seems to be going to hell in handbaskets, but all I can do is watch. I know @Rurik Harrgath thinks we Philosophers have given up on humanity, but really it's that we're asking humanity to join us in not giving up on itself.

 

If I give up on certain specific groups, but remain hopeful about the rest of humanity, that still counts, right?

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Book Riot Challenge 2021

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scaly Freak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27

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40 minutes ago, Heidi said:

but really it's that we're asking humanity to join us in not giving up on itself.

 

Where did you discuss this? I am curious :)

And agreewith the whole of my amateur philosopher's heart 🙂

 

All life I have been trying to find practical ways to apply the ideas of philosophic "utopias",

 

and some might try to say "I am bypassing biological pathways", but that is what humans do all the time, anyway.

 

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Level ☆ human [uncategorizable]
STR 2 | DEX 3 | CON 2 | STA 3 | WIS 5 | CHA 5
Current challenge: A Woman Who Conquers Herself is Greater | 
Battle log

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14 minutes ago, Scaly Freak said:

If I give up on certain specific groups, but remain hopeful about the rest of humanity, that still counts, right?

 

For me that falls under being hopeful for humanity, since the idea is that the group that still has some potential + realises that potential will increase in numbers and/or strength and will keep the rest in line (HOW exactly I am not sure 😂 Are we above (the idea of) (actual not-as-covers-for-more-terrible-things) working camps (put in practice after careful deliberation)? Alongside therapy with any money saved from having bad people do useful work? People talk trash about them but I do think they are a lot more useful than prison 😁

 

What do we think about them?

 

The lesser penalty of community service ought to still be seen as lesser since you still have your freedom outside of working hours 🙃)

 

Sidenote: Did I just suggest throwing people that disagree with me in such camps? No, no, I think not. I did not MEAN it in any case. Who do *I* mean by hopeless cases then?

 

Uh-oh. Not sure. Back to the drawing board!

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Level ☆ human [uncategorizable]
STR 2 | DEX 3 | CON 2 | STA 3 | WIS 5 | CHA 5
Current challenge: A Woman Who Conquers Herself is Greater | 
Battle log

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1 hour ago, Scaly Freak said:

If I give up on certain specific groups, but remain hopeful about the rest of humanity, that still counts, right?

We are not the worst of us.

&,
Amazon of the Way

Gypsy Druid Paladin

Ranger Year 1: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 

Druid Year 2: 8 | 9 | 1011  | 12 | 13 |Year 3: 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 |Year 4: 1920 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 |Year 5: 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | 38 |Year 6: 39 | 40 | 41 | 42 | 43 | 44 | 45 | 46 |Year 7: 47 | 48 | 49 | 50 | 51 | 52 | 53| 54 | 55 | 56 | 57 | 58 | 59 | 60 |Year 8: 61 | 62 | 63 | 64 |

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