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[Athenα] A Woman Who Conquers Herself is Greater


Athena

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On 1/5/2021 at 12:59 AM, Athena said:

Woken up at 8:45 by alarm again & I had a big mental wrestle with myself but guess who won? Haha! I did!

 

Of course you did. You're badass.

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Book Riot Challenge 2021

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scaly Freak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31; Ch 32

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On 1/4/2021 at 9:44 PM, Athena said:

PS - I am really excited I can touch my right foot's big toe to my nose again. Woohoo!

 

20 hours ago, Tobbe said:

And of course I had to try too :D Right foot was easy. Left was a much bigger struggle. Interesting

 

YUP also had to pause to try this ahaha - I can touch my left really easily but my right takes a little more of a struggle, but I can do it! Interesting, my right is my dominant side....

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i am not waiting for a hero.  i saved myself long ago.

Level 50 Bardic Time-Mage; of the Furious Heart

STR.55  DEX.43 STA.48 CON.51 WIS.53 CHA.65

"Well...in the end, it boils down to two simple choices. Either you do or you don't.

You'd think with all the problems in this world, there'd be more answers. It's not fair...
...But that's the way things are. The choice is yours."

» visit me @ my BATTLE LOG~

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On 1/1/2021 at 3:31 PM, Athena said:

Ugh I just want to read what everyone else is doing & talk about / listen to nerdy things. Can't I become awesome(er) by osmosis?

 

I mean. It's sorta working. :D In a way.

But that's the thing...you are sooo awesome!

You keep being you! fabulous iron man GIF

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“The world bursts at the seams with people ready to tell you you're not good enough. On occasion, some may be correct. But do not do their work for them. Seek any job; ask anyone out; pursue any goal. Don't take it personally when they say 'no' — they may not be smart enough to say 'yes.” - Keith Olbermann

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On 1/5/2021 at 10:19 PM, Jean said:

Needing doesn't work for me, I have to actually want it. Turning around the pot doing meaningful things that build back my enjoyment of life and the world usually works. Sniff all the things!

 

You'll have to explain the difference to me! 

Since I'm one of those people that usually cannot make herself do stuff just for the sake of doing them and "being productive" :D  I'd like to hear more of this approach.

 

Sidenote: I also have to want it but just wanting it does not get me to do it when I've been out of it for a while? I don't know where to start with my brain anymore :D I was in a good rhythm of rotating different planning/focusing strategies until April but now... Hmmm, shrug.

 

Quote

And this, is awesome!

 

On 1/5/2021 at 11:36 PM, Tobbe said:

 

And of course I had to try too :D Right foot was easy. Left was a much bigger struggle. Interesting

 

On 1/6/2021 at 8:00 PM, shaar said:

YUP also had to pause to try this ahaha - I can touch my left really easily but my right takes a little more of a struggle, but I can do it! Interesting, my right is my dominant side....

 

Hehe, it's one of those things people around me have done to test their flexibility through the years, so I have to try it every so often :) I've gotten to being able to do it only once since I lost my childhood flexible bone structure hahaha

 

I cannot do it with my left leg at all, but my hip joints are notoriously inflexible, at least I thought. I've been able to get some progress with them in the past year :) And not just this toe thing, also with the butterfly stretch! I used to struggle with that one so much. Now I realise I was defeating myself by making it a goal to do lotus progression stretches without increasing my overall flexibility first...

 

On 1/6/2021 at 5:33 AM, Red1263 said:

Well I mean, we are in the middle of a Deadly Pandemic, so some stagnation is bound to happen. Don't judge yourself so harshly, ok?

 

Thank you :) 

I need a good balance between understanding & tough love to get things done, and that tough love can easily slide into judging and beating myself up counterproductively. So it's good to have outside feedback. 

 

On 1/6/2021 at 3:03 PM, Heidi said:

I love this and how you've structured your challenge around awareness and reflection. Such a great way to kick off the new year!

 

Thank you! It's honestly the only way to go with my sneaky brain, sneaking in all sorts of angles and justifications for not feeding myself in a sustainable way :D 

 

Quote

You are not alone.

🦋

 

🦸‍♀️  (Superhero emoji) ^_^

 

On 1/6/2021 at 3:05 PM, Heidi said:

This is the core of success! Good for you.

Be gentle with yourself as you continue on.

❣️

Awww yeah, I've got the core down!

I'll try <'3

 

On 1/6/2021 at 5:03 PM, Scaly Freak said:

Of course you did. You're badass.

 

😎   "I'm badass." Yeah, it has a ring to it!

 

On 1/7/2021 at 3:05 AM, Amazon Ninja said:

But that's the thing...you are sooo awesome!

You keep being you! 

 

You Betcha Anna Kendrick GIF

 

 

***

 

Updates are coming, I just keep slacking in the evening, or yesterday evening I also had a late meeting :) And I still did a daily dare & my stretches, really happy about that. And about the fact I've been remembering to make progress photos.

 

Overthinking, I am wondering how I'll get the next flexy progress to be in a similar position + distance from the camera to allow easy comparison buuut I'll figure it out... (Some I took on the ground, some in landscape, some in portret, some with my phone on the cupboard, some on my sis' little chairs... :D )

 

On a different note, today I solved the "MEH WHEN I WAKE UP IT'S DARK AND WHEN IT GETS LIGHT IT'S ALL GREY AND STILL DARK" by putting on a sunny video.

 

Usually I can only find good sunny videos from beach sides with DJs, and I wasn't in the mood for Armin or so, so I put one on on silent and  with a Spotify playlist :D 

 

Spoiler

 

 

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Level ☆ human [uncategorizable]
STR 2 | DEX 3 | CON 2 | STA 3 | WIS 5 | CHA 5
Current challenge: Athena focuses on the physical | 
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3 hours ago, Athena said:

Overthinking, I am wondering how I'll get the next flexy progress to be in a similar position + distance from the camera to allow easy comparison buuut I'll figure it out... (Some I took on the ground, some in landscape, some in portret, some with my phone on the cupboard, some on my sis' little chairs... :D )

 

I like to take my from the floor and try to at least be in the same room every time... :D It looks nicer on comparison pictures, but as long as you have a similar angle every time, you will still see progress (e.g. the distance from the ankle/knee/hip... to the floor) even if they are not perfectly in the same spot every time. I find the floor (phone leaning on the wall) easiest - it tends to be at the same height every time. :P You will find the perfect photo spots while taking more photos. :D (oh and I guess you already know the old trick of taking a video and making screenshots? :) )  

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Previous challenges: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10

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1 hour ago, Epsilonte said:

(oh and I guess you already know the old trick of taking a video and making screenshots? :)

 

Hmmm, I do but I don't know why I haven't applied it yet! I shall correct this oversight :)

 

59 minutes ago, Mr_Willes said:

Let Spandy Andy brighten up your day!

 

Some overthinky thoughts in the spoilers:

Spoiler

He kept me guessing whether he gets the concept of personal space or not :D I totally get the dude that was going to smack him in the butt with his lower arm/hand in a fist 😛

 

But it was fun! He literally brightended my day with his speedo pattern 😎 I want such body control while dancing too! Would love to do that snake thing one day.


 

Spoiler

Another overthinking thought: I've always been jelly of guys being able to be class clown that way. When I play-arrogance the way e.g. some heavy women comedians do,(*) people think I am actually arrogant because I can pass for attractive on most days.(**) But I don't feel that way when I am goofing around ;D

 

(*) I think that in 2020 I saw some attractive comedian women that made play - arrogant jokes that actually seemed to be taken as funny, which did not really happen 10 years ago afaik :) So maybe I should CHILL OUT.

 

(**) As in, once upon a time when I did similar things, people that did not know me well actually got catty/agressive, calling me ugly and attention seeking to "put me in my place" 🤔

 

Oh and, the reason I think those people secretly thought I was somewhat attractive is because there literally is no other reason why they would think I actually HAD a big ego. They understood sarcasm. I was using sarcastic voices. And I know 100% for sure they would laugh and think/get that people like Fat Amy are putting on an act. (Because "how could people like her actually have a confidence" right?)

 

While to me, they responded like I was actually being serious, despite all the tones and body language I used. 😛

 

Man, so many layers. I hope they matured since then. I should move on too but this is psychologically too fun to not try to analyse :D

 

I do admit it is possible I was simply not funny and looked attention seeking despite always being quite... With mind set & the intention of giving people a good time :) 

 

And ... after I got over my stubbornness "I WON'T LET THESE PRICKS TELL ME WHAT TO DO" 

 

I accepted that my looks did not allow me to be a joker in that way, (see now THIS is an arrogant thing to say lmao)

 

And I started to learn to read my crowd better :D

 

Okay meta analysing off before I turn into an awkward penguin again. Oops it already happened 😛

 

 

Now I am going to watch it again without overthinking haha

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Level ☆ human [uncategorizable]
STR 2 | DEX 3 | CON 2 | STA 3 | WIS 5 | CHA 5
Current challenge: Athena focuses on the physical | 
Battle log

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25 minutes ago, Mr_Willes said:

You reminded me of something.

 

Let Spandy Andy brighten up your day!

 

I don't know how you found this, but I approve. Spandy Andy has indeed brightened my day.

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Let cheese and oxen and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination - Harriet the viking

Just be bold, fluid and unapologetic, not small, hairy and indecisive - Harriet the artist

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Ana mascara videos I watched:

 

Spoiler

 

 

 

To check later:

 

 

This one was a refresher:

 

 

 

 

 

I even took notes! Now, to actually execute! Grabbing some tea and something to make email writing less meh..

Level ☆ human [uncategorizable]
STR 2 | DEX 3 | CON 2 | STA 3 | WIS 5 | CHA 5
Current challenge: Athena focuses on the physical | 
Battle log

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6 hours ago, Athena said:

I watched it again and tried to dance along and it was fun 

 

bee and puppycat wiggle GIF by Cartoon Hangover

 

And just like that Athena's challenge becomes the local dance party stop ;) 

 

Image - 81074] | Technoviking | Know Your Meme

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 [ Level ?? ] Thunderbro Maximus of the Thunderlords Legion

BRUTALITY 13 | FINESSE 12 | GRIT 13  | INSIGHT 15 | MOXIE 13

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17 minutes ago, Rurik Harrgath said:

And just like that Athena's challenge becomes the local dance party stop ;) 

 

Let NYC Dance: Repeal No-Dancing Law to Create Safe Spaces for Black NYers!  | OrganizeFor

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Book Riot Challenge 2021

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scaly Freak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31; Ch 32

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Spoiler

 

 

 

 

 

 

charlie brown dancing GIF

 

Not the best line up ever but it's what came up after I knew I wanted to start with the first one :D Feel free to "request" what you would put on for dancing/moving to the music/headbanging etc.

Level ☆ human [uncategorizable]
STR 2 | DEX 3 | CON 2 | STA 3 | WIS 5 | CHA 5
Current challenge: Athena focuses on the physical | 
Battle log

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22 minutes ago, Athena said:

Feel free to "request" what you would put on for dancing/moving to the music/headbanging etc.

 

Dancing to these:

 

Spoiler

 

 

 

 

 

 

And headbanging to these classics:

 

Spoiler

 

 

 

 

 

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Book Riot Challenge 2021

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scaly Freak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31; Ch 32

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On 1/5/2021 at 3:44 AM, Athena said:

AND... collect some underpants. I want to:

*read an article om effective goal setting

LET'S PRACTICE SOME ACCOUNTABILITY...

 

I read an NF article on it. It did not do anything for me.

 

Maybe put the seed in that I am capable of breaking up my current todos in even SMALLER chunks since the current ones look like too much of a hurdle.

 

Quote

*watch a few Ana Mascara videos on how to train my puppy mind to do thesis work after a long pause

 

The videos drove the above point home.

I need to make them smaller. To start the ole engine back up again.

 

It all feels very vague, and like I need soooo much power that I dont have.

 

That means I have not broken them up yet.

 

And even the bits I had, in my weekly planning, I STILL wrote the bigger chunks down. Smh. Going to recalibrate tomorrow.

 

Quote

*write a draft email to the financial department about my tution fee if I don't have my thesis done when I finish my other master's

 

Started this off yesterday and finished today. Now I have TWO really friggen long email drafts...

 

How to cut them down so people don't get turned off reading them...

 

Maybe instead of anticipating all the questions, I can just split the long email up in ready to go replies...

 

Quote

*figure out which dpt & where I left off this tasks string when I got lost in an Awesome Thesis Writing Rush (for the one that I have turned in already)

 

Did this today!

 

Quote

*Email the education desk about my module sign up for march-april

 

Did that the same day I wrote the list! They are working on it! 

 

Quote

*Make a plan for next 2 weeks, including prepping for association meeting, linked in workshop and first DnD sesh in ages

I  had 75+ todos to review in todoist plus my last planning to review... Took a while... Kiiinda almost did it, working on making the planning as I go...

 

Association meeting went well, made a Word file tot rack all we need to do and an excel file to track the emails we need to send / reminder emails and if we got replies... Probably should add cells for WHEN we did what/got replies...

 

Did not prep for Dnd, thats tomorrow, will do it in the afternoon :) I always need a refresher on... how things work... I plan on soon finding a way to memorise some rules dammit. Despite my shoddy memory and sometimes inability to intuit what some people find logical. I want the playing to go smoother. (Granted kid/younger me did not get to play a lot of board games... And I still don't get to often... Dunno why I never thought of taking the initiative for it. And never realised I could have found some for cheap in second-hand stores. Sad face.)

 

Tomorrow:

 

* Sis quality time. Be mindful.

* Get an hour of focused thesis work in. (Read notes, formulate Next Actions.)

* Prep Dnd

*Have fun.

*Reflect on cravings and other challenge goals. 

 

(I took today off stretching and tomorrow too probably. I overexerted on Wednesday attempting the bridge properly a few times... And almost all stretches require me to either support myself or keep a leg or foot in place or so...)

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Level ☆ human [uncategorizable]
STR 2 | DEX 3 | CON 2 | STA 3 | WIS 5 | CHA 5
Current challenge: Athena focuses on the physical | 
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16 hours ago, Athena said:

Maybe instead of anticipating all the questions, I can just split the long email up in ready to go replies...

 

How likely are they to ask all the questions? Is it in your best interest to point out to them they could be asking you all these questions?

 

My suggestion: In your first email, give them the information they asked you to provide, and give them a quick and easy way to get additional information if they decide they need it. If they haven't asked for information, ask your question and state your case succinctly, and let them know you are happy to discuss the matter further. don't hand them information they haven't asked for and may not need... that kind of information far too easily turns into ammunition.

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Book Riot Challenge 2021

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scaly Freak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31; Ch 32

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7 hours ago, Athena said:

Started this off yesterday and finished today. Now I have TWO really friggen long email drafts...

 

How to cut them down so people don't get turned off reading them...

 

Maybe instead of anticipating all the questions, I can just split the long email up in ready to go replies...

 

Also, editing. In my experience, first drafts can be cut down by anywhere between 10% and 50% without loss of meaning, depending on the writer.

 

7 hours ago, Athena said:

The videos drove the above point home.

I need to make them smaller. To start the ole engine back up again.

 

It all feels very vague, and like I need soooo much power that I dont have.

 

That means I have not broken them up yet.

 

Also no amount of reading/knowing works without practice as well. Good luck :)

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Let cheese and oxen and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination - Harriet the viking

Just be bold, fluid and unapologetic, not small, hairy and indecisive - Harriet the artist

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8 hours ago, Harriet said:

Also, editing. In my experience, first drafts can be cut down by anywhere between 10% and 50% without loss of meaning, depending on the writer.

 

Saaaame.  I have to comfort fellow students all the time when my assignment is 150%+ the allowed word count. No. Problem. Write down what's needed, we'll cut it down. Consistently got me better quality papers than most of the people who stuck "to the point" right from the get go. (Exceptions apply of course, and I'm definitely going to have to learn to be more concise on the job because time = scarcity but that will come...)

 

I'll do that first thing on Monday, treat it like an assignment, try to edit phrasing and unnecessary words out and see where that gets me THEN BITE THE FROG'S HEAD OFF... Lol. This is a todo I have been stalling so long.

 

15 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

 

How likely are they to ask all the questions? Is it in your best interest to point out to them they could be asking you all these questions.

 

My suggestion: In your first email, give them the information they asked you to provide, and give them a quick and easy way to get additional information if they decide they need it. If they haven't asked for information, ask your question and state your case succinctly, and let them know you are happy to discuss the matter further. don't hand them information they haven't asked for and may not need... that kind of information far too easily turns into ammunition.

 

Quoting so I have these things in one post to read on Monday. Yes. Thanks. I'm working on this. 

 

 

Quote

Also no amount of reading/knowing works without practice as well. Good luck :)

 

So, true. :)

 

Resuming my random dance parties to keep my happy meter up despite the weather:

 

Spoiler

 

 

 

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Level ☆ human [uncategorizable]
STR 2 | DEX 3 | CON 2 | STA 3 | WIS 5 | CHA 5
Current challenge: Athena focuses on the physical | 
Battle log

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21 hours ago, Athena said:

THEN BITE THE FROG'S HEAD OFF...

 

A friend added this to the idea list: add an overview of the sums I have paid so far so the financial dpt can figure out what I will need to pay in May.

 

I think she meant bank statements but I am not exactly sure. Will see.

 

Also some self-reflection about feels in spoiler:

 

Spoiler

Today, I woke up, had absolutely zero negotiations with myself about 10 mins meditation, did it. And I have been mindful for the last 1h 40 mins. It is nice.

 

With my lack of emotional reaction (just angry thoughts) at the events of the past week, I am/was kind of concerned that my ability to get some good flames going is only because my brain went apathic towards world events and so on again.

 

I don't want that, dammit. I want to be calm, and be able to compartementalise conciouscly, not just go back to "whatever, people are a lost cause, any emotions about them are a waste of breath, I will just focus on what is right in front of me until my hourglass is up". 🙄  I did not THINK it, but that is the thoughts I used to put my head in the sand once upon a time when I did not know what to do with all the intense self-castising sadness and frustration at how a lot of things are done.

 

So I took a shower and tried to get myself angry :D I got something going but I think that was more aimed at my inability to figure out this Life Thing with a snap of my fingers rather than actually believing that caring will make a difference.

 

So... Does caring (with the frustrated emotions behind it, not like I have no glands, not just *thinking* sorry thoughts) make a difference? I rationally think it does. It would keep my eyes open for any opportunities to do something besides just working in my *current* sphere of control & influence. 

 

OTOH, I also might be currently guilting myself in the same way some people guilt trip family members for not crying at their parents' funeral. I don't know. 

 

 

Level ☆ human [uncategorizable]
STR 2 | DEX 3 | CON 2 | STA 3 | WIS 5 | CHA 5
Current challenge: Athena focuses on the physical | 
Battle log

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1 hour ago, Athena said:

 

A friend added this to the idea list: add an overview of the sums I have paid so far so the financial dpt can figure out what I will need to pay in May.

 

I think she meant bank statements but I am not exactly sure. Will see.

 

Also some self-reflection about feels in spoiler:

 

  Hide contents

Today, I woke up, had absolutely zero negotiations with myself about 10 mins meditation, did it. And I have been mindful for the last 1h 40 mins. It is nice.

 

With my lack of emotional reaction (just angry thoughts) at the events of the past week, I am/was kind of concerned that my ability to get some good flames going is only because my brain went apathic towards world events and so on again.

 

I don't want that, dammit. I want to be calm, and be able to compartementalise conciouscly, not just go back to "whatever, people are a lost cause, any emotions about them are a waste of breath, I will just focus on what is right in front of me until my hourglass is up". 🙄  I did not THINK it, but that is the thoughts I used to put my head in the sand once upon a time when I did not know what to do with all the intense self-castising sadness and frustration at how a lot of things are done.

 

So I took a shower and tried to get myself angry :D I got something going but I think that was more aimed at my inability to figure out this Life Thing with a snap of my fingers rather than actually believing that caring will make a difference.

 

So... Does caring (with the frustrated emotions behind it, not like I have no glands, not just *thinking* sorry thoughts) make a difference? I rationally think it does. It would keep my eyes open for any opportunities to do something besides just working in my *current* sphere of control & influence. 

 

OTOH, I also might be currently guilting myself in the same way some people are guilt tripping family members for not crying at their parents' funeral. I don't know. 

 

 

about the caring: Im asking myself the same question as I feel my joy drying up while I think " this is apocalypse- a lost cause " want to find a better way of reacting to life but don't yet know how! let us know if you find a good way of reacting to all the madness. and thanks for sharing! ❤️

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be fearlessly yourself! :onthego:

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Yes, caring matters. No, we can't do anything about the pig picture and the big scheme of things. All we can do it put in effort and energy to try and make our own tiny little corner better. But to do that, we have to care.

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Book Riot Challenge 2021

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scaly Freak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31; Ch 32

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On 1/4/2021 at 10:50 PM, Athena said:
End-of-the-week nutrition reflection:
  • Stretching and mobility training went well and kept at it besides when I gave myself some rest. Must take care of my arm though. And put in more effort to still do SOME stretching /a daily dare from a different date when I am giving my wrist a rest… Maybe make a list with all the stretches that don’t require me to support myself, like the ragdoll & (star) toe touches and… Trunk rotation and related ones… Aww I could have done all the trunk rotation ones just fine. Oh well 🙂 Those are up for tonight (sunday), anyway!
    • I also need to start doing my ankle physio again… As a part of my morning warmup maybe. My feet feel good but… Maintenance is important...
    • I won’t add shoulder and wrist-targeted mobility yet… Still working out actually making the time for these things… Though it’s slowly starting to feel wrong not to do stretching or so as part of my evening winding down, so soon.
  • Had fish once a week. Boom!
  • Thought about calcium and iron. Did not always hit the goal. Thinking of iron things other than walnuts was really annoying. 
  • I kept forgetting to do the nutrition planning for the next of the day because I did not feel like I had any easy options besides milk, sardines and walnuts… Need to review those lists in my first post. And the tips given by you, awesome Nerds 🙂 
  • I did not feel tired this week like last week, so no bread + salt or ayran protocal was needed. I think? Or did I ignore some signals? Hmmm.. Not sure. Some days I just really had not slept well, like the night between Friday and Saturday.
  • I don’t know if I’m going to track how many days / the week I got an iron and calcium snack though. The cravings reflections are doing me a lot of good but they take time to write out. So I need to focus on them rather than having another box to check, I think. 

 

Updated week 1 & did my end-of the week reflection. I think my goals are working well for me, but I don't feel ready to up the difficulty. I am also using willpower points to get back on track with life goals. I feel like there is a spill-over effect from practicing mindfulness & redirecting my attention with my cravings and with discomfort in other areas. That's cool, though minimal so far.

Level ☆ human [uncategorizable]
STR 2 | DEX 3 | CON 2 | STA 3 | WIS 5 | CHA 5
Current challenge: Athena focuses on the physical | 
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53 minutes ago, Scaly Freak said:

Yes, caring matters. No, we can't do anything about e pig picture and the big scheme of things. All we can do it put in effort and energy to try and make our own tiny little corner better. But to do that, we have to care.

 

But is caring possible without feeling the care? I am used to reacting very emotionally. When I don't feel it, like this week, I don't know if I truly care or not, if that makes sense? I feel a bit robotic.

And like it would take me more effort to actually put my attention towards trying to make my little corner better, since there is no urgency. Should I try to shake that tree and see what comes down?

 

Because this time around, I am NOT having those thoughts "people are a lost cause". It's just the lack of feelings. I rationally do care. I rationally do realise caring matters.

 

Because little bits count. Individually, we don't. Collectively, we do. Although sometimes part of me still does want to go: ehhh, let's just make everything fall apart sooner, starting over sounds like a great idea. But I did finally come to the conclusion that caring matters. It's just that, beyond helping those in your immediate environment, taking 'caring' and turning it into action often requires A LOT OF INFORMATION GATHERING... But that's a worry for another day. I still have to get myself back to order.

Maybe I have emotionally matured a bit? Since emotionally caring used to put me out of the ring for hours, days, weeks. Maybe now it won't. but I have to make myself look at it. Yet now I don't have the energy to do so, I first need to pick my life back up before I can start looking for things I can do to help. BUT in the mean time I cannot be really sure if I am putting my head in the sand, or truly compartmentalising (like I hope I am doing right now).

 

I am totally overthinking this :D  And you all cannot look into my head and see some screen that says "Status: Compartmentalising" or "Status: Ostrich", I know. I'll find it out eventually. After all, if nothing else, once I am back up on my feet Scaley will 100% still be at it and I'll see you, and I'll either think: it is time for me to look how I can do something too. Or my first thought will be: uhhh let's go back to reading a fun book. And THEN I'll know if the part of me that thinks about big issues is being an ostrich or not. 

 

If it is, I'll take actions. If it is not, I'll start looking around and seeing what I can do that matters. And THEN, @fearless I'll tell you if I have figured out how to deal with it :D 

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Level ☆ human [uncategorizable]
STR 2 | DEX 3 | CON 2 | STA 3 | WIS 5 | CHA 5
Current challenge: Athena focuses on the physical | 
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