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[Athenα] A Woman Who Conquers Herself is Greater


Athena

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3 hours ago, Athena said:

Yeah. "Minimalising pain in life/minimalising joint problems etc."  is less flashy than "standing upside down".

 

And this matters because...?

 

Personally, I think "minimize pain" is an awesome and very motivating goal. :) 

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Book Riot Challenge 2021

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scaly Freak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31

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1 hour ago, Scaly Freak said:

And this matters because...?

 

Personally, I think "minimize pain" is an awesome and very motivating goal. :) 

 

Because it's less good at motivating me to do the exercises when I have been doing them and I don't *feel* the pain haha. Even though I know doing them is the reason why 

Level ☆ human [uncategorizable]
STR 2 | DEX 3 | CON 2 | STA 3 | WIS 5 | CHA 5
Current challenge: Athena focuses on the physical | 
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1 minute ago, Athena said:

Because it's less good at motivating me to do the exercises when I have been doing them and I don't *feel* the pain haha. Even though I know doing them is the reason why 

I don't know, if the pain comes back as soon as you stop doing exercises then they're not very effective at fixing the root vs the symptom. 

 

That aside, shiny is a much bigger motivator for me. :D Even if it comes at the expense of more pain.

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2 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

I don't know, if the pain comes back as soon as you stop doing exercises then they're not very effective at fixing the root vs the symptom. 

 

I'm not sure this applies to all root causes though.

 

I mean... for me a strong motivator to exercise regularly is that it keeps my anxiety calm. I don't expect the exercises to cure my anxiety - I don't expect anything to cure it because it's a chronic condition. It's still effective motivation for me though.

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Book Riot Challenge 2021

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scaly Freak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31

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9 minutes ago, Scaly Freak said:

 

I'm not sure this applies to all root causes though.

 

I mean... for me a strong motivator to exercise regularly is that it keeps my anxiety calm. I don't expect the exercises to cure my anxiety - I don't expect anything to cure it because it's a chronic condition. It's still effective motivation for me though.

Very true! I was only thinking about injuries here, not chronic conditions. And sometimes you can’t get rid of the root case anyway.

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59 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

Very true! I was only thinking about injuries here, not chronic conditions. And sometimes you can’t get rid of the root case anyway.

 

Ah, but because my pain - wrist/arm/shoulders/neck - is caused by:

 

-my sedentery lifestyle

-my tendency to sit in uncomfortable ways and tense up like I am waiting to be jumped???

-holding/typing on my phone a lot

 

The cause of the pains are semi-chronic, I think.

 

Although I got myself a vertical mouse which seems to help, and I am working on figuring out a keyboard solution. Also have wrist cushions. (Giving my current keyboard one more chance with brand new batteries, otherwise I am going to look for a new one. Maybe splurge on an "ergonomic one" from Logitech, maybe just a simple one but for sure one with cable or a rechargable battery with decent life span.)

 

Really need to stop reading/watching series on phone in hand in bed.

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STR 2 | DEX 3 | CON 2 | STA 3 | WIS 5 | CHA 5
Current challenge: Athena focuses on the physical | 
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9 hours ago, Athena said:

my tendency to sit in uncomfortable ways

and lie down*

 

I forgot that... I tend to e.g. sleep with my hands folded towards me, palms facing my underarms or arms up and palms facing away from me in some way. But I cannot remember if I did that before adolescence too.

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STR 2 | DEX 3 | CON 2 | STA 3 | WIS 5 | CHA 5
Current challenge: Athena focuses on the physical | 
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I see I see. Excellent that you're trying to find solutions like better tools.

 

Those tendencies to sit funny are SO hard to break. My favourite reading position is leaning on my left elbow and then I wonder why it's always the left side that gets jacked up. :D 

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Alright, during my meditation this morning I decided that, I am going to sign up for ALL of the workshops/trainings that seem even vaguely useful this year. 

 

And I found these two on how to improve your mood and deal with stress resp. based on CBT, which will be interesting to see how they explain it.

 

If after all the workshops, incl those and mindfulness, assertivity training etc. I still feel the need for a personal therapist/coach, I will start looking into it. By then I should also have a job for more than a day a week. 

 

I need to address the quasi-bullying/rejection I felt in the first... 6 years in  the NL, (after that I simply did not allow myself to try and get close to more than a couple of people until I was 19 maybe)

 

and discrimination I denied was there for years, taking all responsibility myself for the way some people acted,

 

and get a look at the scar infections my exstepdad left on me.

Spoiler

 

I had honestly started smelling his BS even before my mother shared with me they are considering separation for the first time. They were playing happy family before that. I distinctly remember being upset he was only begrudgingly playing dad for me at one point, and in combination with numerous petty childish actions (like eating the non-fuzzy peaches and the only sandwich meat & cheese that we could afford and did not make me want to gag, which was fancier than what he had always got himself and his sons & insisted in the supermarkets he did not need. Sidenote: I did not realise at the time it was fancier because that quality meat and cheese was regular priced in my birth country.)

 

I had lost respect for him in the mean time, and did not cry bc I "did not have a daddy anymore".  Just put a brave face on for all that stuff.

 

The dude wrote ONE letter - fortunately not more - after we had sepearated, trying to say he is sorry and still wants to be dad. To this day, I really think he was trying to confuse me and get to my mother. She allowed me to choose for myself. A part of me kind of wanted to see the good in him, obviously, but then I also remembered how he had kept trying to undermine her day in day out in front of me. I was just too lawful good and perceptive to fall for it. We will never know but I am glad I did not reply.

 

Before they separated, I did feel any injustice and mean thing from kids at school etc. EXTRA HARD. Once a teacher that kept trying to say I have a problem bc I really want to understand the mistakes I am making, I acted out against her 😂 (I stuck my tongue out, stormed out and went to kick the walls in the bathroom 😂) I was 12 then I think. That was so out of character for me. Omg . I felt so stuck... I felt a bit better in the next class. We had two teachers. One was SO INCREDIBLY COOL and people skilled. The other one looked like he was from the military and kept looking at my exstepdad instead of my mom, the one with the parental rights. And seemed really bitter about us not wanting to stay in a small town high school. 

 

I acted out in this lessons by making ALL the innuendo jokes I could think of >.> (13 year old but due to lack of care by my exstepbro I knew about the birds and the bees at like... 9.) I think a few times I made the whole class laugh instead of just the peeps around me. IT WAS ALL SO BORING ANYWAY.

 

I was a really relaxed and open - albeit still very observing, analysing and such - kid before I came to the NL, guys. Acting out against teachers was also unlike me, unless they were... Well, people like those 2 super frustrating folks that has no system/honor/self-respect and projected that onto me.

 

 

EDIT:

Not saying life in my birth country would have been better for me. By the time we moved back for one year, everything had deteriorated there, though the teachers ROCKED, the school director was being weird and not supportive of them.  Last year the superbestamazing teacher quit and focused on being a grandma and self-employed tutor. And the politics and employers suuuuuck.

 

I also did NOT feel the rejection by kids tho, again I was received with open arms and integrated without any prompting from the teachers. :D but oh well!

 

An adult in the NL now, with nearly perfect Dutch and my constant interest over the years in different cultures, including those of my fellow Dutchies(*), I got used to life and people here, and have a chill home life not stained by paranoid emotionally abusive people, and dealing with everything. 

 

The only thing that prevents me from feeling full integration is the attitude towards my mom and my sis & the occassional odd questions lol

 

(*) Because I feel Dutch, but I a bicultural Dutchwoman & am always so interested to hear about how my Dutch-Dutch friends grew up :) Or my partner with a Dutch father. 

 

I have been trying to reconnect with that little girl (younger me) ever since I realised I am not this super shy and insecure person by nature... Lolll I am crying rn. I guess I needed an auto/NF venting session 😆

 

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Level ☆ human [uncategorizable]
STR 2 | DEX 3 | CON 2 | STA 3 | WIS 5 | CHA 5
Current challenge: Athena focuses on the physical | 
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5 hours ago, Athena said:

Alright, during my meditation this morning I decided that, I am going to sign up for ALL of the workshops/trainings that seem even vaguely useful this year. 

 

And I found these two on how to improve your mood and deal with stress resp. based on CBT, which will be interesting to see how they explain it.

 

That sounds great!

 

5 hours ago, Athena said:

I have been trying to reconnect with that little girl (younger me) ever since I realised I am not this super shy and insecure person by nature... Lolll I am crying rn. I guess I needed an auto/NF venting session 😆


Ah, sorry about the difficult times. I'm glad they're behind you.

adorable cat GIF

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Let cheese and bread and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination.

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Sooo I guess week 3 is where I get bored from my regularly scheduled programming, even though I spiced it up with the work-out the other day

 

& just focus on getting used to doing my new fysio exercises.

 

(I also had to watch my sis more often and for longer than usual because of circumstances.)

 

That's fine. I am sticking to my planned meals & only snacking on good whole stuff, like veggies and fruits and the occasional thin slice of ham.

 

I just spent 1,5 hours prepping my level 7 Bard for tomorrow, after spending bits here and there during the day, and I still am not done :D

 

My monk was nice and simple and effective, but I wanted variety. AND I AM GETTING IT.

 

I also wanted to make a Rogue and choose from the two before the new campaign but well. Maybe another time. Or if I am terrible with the Bard. Who knows!

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Level ☆ human [uncategorizable]
STR 2 | DEX 3 | CON 2 | STA 3 | WIS 5 | CHA 5
Current challenge: Athena focuses on the physical | 
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I also offer my virtual hugs about your childhood. Also don't get discouraged, Sometimes you have to find the honor in the drudgery!

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Level 25 Final Fantasy Rebel

My Epic Quest | My Journey | Currently on the Trial of Orthos
Str: 60 | Dex: 23 | Sta: 66 | Con: 28 | Wis: 55 | Cha: 14

Goals for 2021:

Spoiler
  • Build my brother a Destiny 2 Lamp
  • Learn how to do a Handstand
  • Play 1 song on the acoustic guitar
  • Clean up the Christmas Decorations and finish setting up my apartment (hang things up, plus some other few things that need to be organized)
  • Re-introduce Pull-ups into my routine
  • Build a shelving unit next to my Desk

"No matter what, if you can hold your head up high, you've done the right thing."

"When you stand with your family, your family stands with you."

"Write what needs to be written."

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3 hours ago, Red1263 said:

I also offer my virtual hugs about your childhood. Also don't get discouraged, Sometimes you have to find the honor in the drudgery!

 

Thank you, I appreciate the encouragement.

 

I find drudgery super honorable. I just cannot get myself to do it but under specific circumstances & with external motivations 😂

 

Granted I am getting better at it because of the external accountability here :)

 

Maybe I need fun stickers to earn too 😜

 

***

 

Oh drat I forgot to sleep in the guest room last night, so I can try separating work and play geographically. Oh well :) Sunday evening!

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Level ☆ human [uncategorizable]
STR 2 | DEX 3 | CON 2 | STA 3 | WIS 5 | CHA 5
Current challenge: Athena focuses on the physical | 
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https://www.lybrate.com/topic/benefits-of-jasmine-tea-and-its-side-effects

 

Huh, can you really get some calcium and iron from tea? There are references and everything. I know it's a minimal amount, and I know they would need some help with absorption since it's from plants, but still. Interesting

 

 

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Level ☆ human [uncategorizable]
STR 2 | DEX 3 | CON 2 | STA 3 | WIS 5 | CHA 5
Current challenge: Athena focuses on the physical | 
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Fun stickers are a great motivation. Interesting about tea having some calcium. It also has antioxidants.

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Wisdom 22.5   Dexterity 13   Charisma 15   Strength 21  Constitution-13

Elastigirl:Luck Favors The Prepared - Current Challenge: August 1 to September 4 - Nerd Fitness Rebellion

"If more of us valued food and cheer and song, above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world" J.R.R.Tolkien

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I am grateful for going on a walk while on the phone with my partner on Thursday 😊 I found a little nature with a semi-nice environment by accident. (Because the trees are bare, you can still see buildings but it is nice.) I mean, I had seen the green patch on google maps but never found where it was! I was so excited and still smile when thinking about it. Also, I got my partner to walk because the walk's goal was to make me happy 😆 

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Level ☆ human [uncategorizable]
STR 2 | DEX 3 | CON 2 | STA 3 | WIS 5 | CHA 5
Current challenge: Athena focuses on the physical | 
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3 hours ago, Athena said:

Huh, can you really get some calcium and iron from tea? There are references and everything

 

Further proof that tea is great in every way!

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Book Riot Challenge 2021

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scaly Freak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31

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Thesis win yesterday: I crossed off the first 2 things on my list :) The breaking up the tasks in the size that I did helped!
***
Oh I am so excited. I managed to leave my phone in my 'office' (bedroom) while I went en slept in the guestroom.
 
I grabbed a paper book (with buddhist tales) that is also for my reading challenge. I grabbed a book lamp, a cooking alarm for if my watch manages to wake me up and I want to sleep a bit more, and my sleeping mask.
 
It was a little awkward reading like I did but I managed - book held sideways, head resting on my arm that was holding the book lamp for proper lighting angle-   , and I had to really steady myself and relax to sleep, unused to not being able to do whatever on my phone before I do. But it was nice.
 
I also had the opportunity for a possible epiphany about my psychological stuff. I cried a little again while writing it. I cannot tell if that is because I am poking where it hurts & working through stuff, or simply because - however relatively mild shitty childhood experiences - I still wouldn't wish it on any kid and find it said little me had to go through that.
 
Anyway. It is Sunday. 1) I am flipping the switch and starting challenges on Mondays again.  Because, variety! And I started almost doing it automatically last week and this week.
 
2) It was nice giving myself a break from tracking and mostly doing nothing besides my struggles with drinking enough water this week. And because of that probably, feeling more cravings and having some less energy. Oh, shark week came yesterday evening too so that probably does not help.
 
ohh, maybe that is why the crying, too. But it does not feel... Sudden and overreacting like my usual hormonal emotionality. Ah, whatever.
 
My point is, I want to re-evaluate my challenge goals and prep to get back on the bandwagon and stay there for week 4 and 5 of the challenge. :)
 
Next 2 actions:
 
(* Maybe lay down for 10 more minutes because I can)
 
* Brush teeth, brush hair (and wash face)
 
2 actions after that:
 
Read what is today's school programme for my sister and make a check list. My sis liked me checking off things last time :)
 
Preparing the lessons is easier for me because I know a bit more "regular" Dutch words. Even when I don't have much time to actually DO the lessons like I did the other day, I should prep them e.g. by writing words on the cards.
 
My mom had e.g. no idea that the apple core is called "clockhouse" in Dutch :D Or what the 5 kinds of birds they put on the cards are called 😆
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Level ☆ human [uncategorizable]
STR 2 | DEX 3 | CON 2 | STA 3 | WIS 5 | CHA 5
Current challenge: Athena focuses on the physical | 
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16 hours ago, Athena said:

https://www.lybrate.com/topic/benefits-of-jasmine-tea-and-its-side-effects

 

Huh, can you really get some calcium and iron from tea? There are references and everything. I know it's a minimal amount, and I know they would need some help with absorption since it's from plants, but still. Interesting


Hmmmm. I'm no expert, but this doesn't seem right to me. I'm pretty sure green tea has near-zero calories, carbs, and protein. Even if it's true that green tea has 4% iron, as the link claims, you should ask 4% of what? Of the total calories? Of the total weight? Since you only use a few grams of leaves for one cup, and since you don't eat the leaves but only drink the water they're in, it seems unlikely you'll get a lot of iron from tea.  The claim that a cup of green tea could have 50 calories and 5 grams of protein seems way off.

 

Tea, however, has compounds that are known to bind to non-heme iron (plant iron), and might inhibit its absorption (it may be that green tea has less of these compounds than black tea... I am unsure). It probably isn't a problem unless you're vegetarian and drink a lot of tea near meal times, however. Green tea's main benefits, if I understand it correctly, are its low calories and abundant polyphenols, which are antioxidant.

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Let cheese and bread and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination.

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1 hour ago, Harriet said:

Even if it's true that green tea has 4% iron, as the link claims, you should ask 4% of what?

 

Yeah that's what I meant 😅 Replace minimal with miniscule. I thought by one cup they mean 1 cup of dry leaves, not "a cup of tea"?

 

Just like in MFP when you enter 100g of sweet pepper (powder herb) the first time I also was shocked. THAT MANY CALORIES? Oh, 100g.

 

1 hour ago, Harriet said:

Tea, however, has compounds that are known to bind to non-heme iron (plant iron), and might inhibit its absorption (it may be that green tea has less of these compounds than black tea... I am unsure). It probably isn't a problem unless you're vegetarian and drink a lot of tea near meal times, however. Green tea's main benefits, if I understand it correctly, are its low calories and abundant polyphenols, which are antioxidant.

 

Aha, this is what I was wondering. Thanks for sharing what you know.

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STR 2 | DEX 3 | CON 2 | STA 3 | WIS 5 | CHA 5
Current challenge: Athena focuses on the physical | 
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Podcast musings

Haha, I just listened to a podcast's episode 1 on ADHD in women (Dutch), and the speaker - who has mixed ADHD, i.e. both the "dreamy" symptoms and the hyperactive symptoms - spoke about the hunter-gatherer theory for ADHD. (In the more general introduction part) How maybe people with ADHD are evolutionarily still hunters, who needed to be a lot more hyperaware of details in their surroundings, to catch a prey or a rustling in the bushes of a predator or who knows what. And she spoke about how her husband once said, when the exited the DIY store, that she looked like a chicken, rapidly scanning her surroundings left and right :D I had a friend tell me I look like a scared rabbit, when I kept looking around me, for the first or second time visiting her student house, old house where every movement could be heard. At least I thought so.

 

That hypersensitivity for sounds in particular goes veeery far.

 

Spoiler

When I was little, and sometimes even nowadays, I did not want to put the water faucet on very hard. Even nowadays, when I am really sleepy in the morning & have had a very busy day the day before, I have a real hard time properly turning on the water for the toilet because. Well, it does not SCARE me but it does give me a feeling like the sound is drumming into my brain.

 

Financial admin done 

Anyway, I just did my financial admin for the last 2-3 weeks, while I listened to the podcast. Not much to do, but it's good to keep the habit going, not like last time put it off for 3 months... ( At least I learnt the hard way to still check my bank account and skim real quick if I haven't had large sums being taken off my account because of administrative errors...)

 the

  • I had the idea to at least add up the expenses per week/time I get back to my admin, but Idk... Shall I seperate the "balances" per categories I am giving them?
  • I want to work up to being able to summing up stuff (maybe even with pie charts) for each month, so I can start budgettng for next months, which I used to let a program do for me.
  • But the program got too complicated because I would alternatively pay with pin/cash and sometimes I would pay smth for someone else with pin and get it back in cash etc. and it was annoying to work with the tiny boxes and different tabs. (I couldn't make the font of the program bigger or so.)
  • Yes, I COULD do it with excel, buuut, I think that's a project for when I refresh my Excel skills again. I want to be able to do whatever I want, and at least know the basics again.
  • I like the idea of having a paper envolop with divisions and budget by putting cash in each part, but 1) covid, and 2) I am afraid that on an extra distracted day, I will count wrong and either give too much or take too much change back. Also, my personality is such that I feel rushed when there's a line and I'm counting coins. I found it a HUGE win sometime ago when I was composed when a lady did not follow the 1,5 meter rule and went to pay her things while I was still gathering mine. I moved, in a composed manner. (Next level = to point out that "there are DISTANCE rules, ma'am!" with a rightfully strict tone.)

 

Spoiler

I find it funny that I can discuss/even argue with very highly placed individuals on topics with full confidence, yet feel insecure to stand up to a lady or so in a shop.

 

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Level ☆ human [uncategorizable]
STR 2 | DEX 3 | CON 2 | STA 3 | WIS 5 | CHA 5
Current challenge: Athena focuses on the physical | 
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7 hours ago, Harriet said:

Green tea's main benefits, if I understand it correctly, are its low calories and abundant polyphenols, which are antioxidant.

 

Also a small amount of caffeine. 

 

The antioxidants are the reason green tea is a popular skincare ingredient.

Book Riot Challenge 2021

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scaly Freak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31

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