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Bouncer Faces the Hard Stuff


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Soundtrack: (story in purple)

 

 

 

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Looking outside of my hovel, noticing the fast moving delivery owls and  paper airplanes. Whizzing by with the many obligations that world was whisked on taking on their new year. I knew myself I needed , posts and messages she knew she needed to get her hands on for her personal quest.

 Everyone back to work in and out of the hovel. The cold and dark days that would move by quickly. 

 

Normally I would be freaking out about being back as a student, frustrated with not having had a long enough break. Now... now. I was staring at a pile of papers that I had made for previous courses that were to help me, and they were ink smudged or unreadable. The letter writing I said I would doing had barely begun, and the needed dates were quickly coming of jobs that many others wanted. I had grown so much, but understood the dread of having to request to be part of needed jobs. 

 

Looking around the papers, I noticed a golden scroll. "Oooh this!"

It has been years since I've seen thsi scroll, a long ago quest that literally had been lost in the years of growing. I sighed remembering the lengthy quest the Fairy Queen had given me. Many times I think led to me never reopening the scroll.... I swear I might have thrown it away! 

But there it was in my hands.. almost glowing in my hands. 

 

Before you knew there it was unopening in my hands, to a large written script: 

 

"Come find me again, chosen fairy!"

 

The scroll snapped closed, and quickly crinkled into a ball of feathers. 

Heavy breathing, somehow I finally realized the mission that I have been finding. 

 

Get back to seeing the Fairy Queen!

 

Okay so I've been wanting to write in "story mode" always. Never seem to wrap my brain around, so deciiding to write daily. The story will form now that I have a goal (an old story that I thought of a couple years ago, but never continued. 

 

For anyone coming through the end challenge: 

-Application to jobs in my field (bonus: get an interview, job). I have to hit 30 to find the queen.... or be lead to find the queen once more. 

-Keep track of my funds (need to find the story for this). (#YNAB) (Reseting my budget with no eating out, and watching what I buy).

-Creating the habit to workout from home and work on being mindful on what I'm eating (my budget is helping with this). (PVP 10lbs weight loss)

 

The stress of BUJO is being skipped, but I'm starting at it because my brain begs for it. 

 

Previous Challenge: 

 

 

Spoiler

 

Hmmm...... a new year. I debated on a full introduction but unsure how to write it. 

 

Bascially for 2021, a year I never thought I would write down (it just seems weird to write... a sign of my short life probably). 

 So a brief catch up!

 

I'm Female  26.

From Minnesota.

I'm an undergrad student in "Recreation Parks and Leisure Services" with a minor in American Indigenous Studies. 

No more classes needed, am currently job hunting for a Practicum (aka internship that pays) close to home. 

I have never kept weight off on NF, however have found tools that work on keeping depression out and tone down anxiety. Leveling up in many areas that I hope to help my health a bit more this year. 

 

I realize like my career what I want for my health has limited idea, until I do something. 

As the main focus of this challenge is going to be actual job hunting I have other goals....

 

Facing hard stuff... Realize the fantasy of achieving goals is not having a way to track and change them to what one needs to add to their ever changing life. 

 

I've decied to give Bullet Journaling a try once more.... Something is poking at me to give it a whirl, and try it without the stress of keeping track of dozens of assignements. 

My beutiful challenge tracker: 

 

Spoiler

20201228_181015.thumb.jpg.9a36995fc9d04002c99837ea26a70070.jpg

 

Main Goal: 

Use my BUJO 75% of the time this challenge (30 days). 

 

Other goals: 

-Practicum Hunt

-Post on the Forums

-Try to create a habit with YNAB... watch my money come and go

-Show up to do my musuem job at home (I currently have 2 jobs, 1 is at home and is a few hours a week).

-Finish up my NF Coaching until my last month ends (have to quit due realization of how small my budget is)

 

--

I'm hoping to use BUJO to track larger goals, such as job hunting. Keep my thoughts in order to avoid circling over something I'm stuck. 

A tool to face at least what the Hard Stuff is and what my next step is... 

@Scaly Freak has tried to help me figure out how get my to dos done. And remembering @MrsVan to do one thing at a time. 

Realizing that writing things out and attempting priorities might just do that for me. 

 

--

Also adding a few pics with @Teros

I for once have a beutiful bathroom to take progress pics... (Spoilered for size)

Spoiler

 

20201227_152235.thumb.jpg.ceb4497958dbbd4d8f30679e0e8e382d.jpg

(I just like this pic)

 

20201227_152333.thumb.jpg.34f279297b75c409c472ca5316b8e3b0.jpg

 

 

 

(have more pics but think this sums up my weight). 

I'm hoping to get comparison pics of before and after joining coaching, but honestly don't except changes. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • Like 6

 

 Personfied/Comissioned Druid Avatar by EzratheButt

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15 hours ago, Bouncer_the_Lovable said:

 

@Scaly Freak has tried to help me figure out how get my to dos done. And remembering @MrsVan to do one thing at a time. 

Realizing that writing things out and attempting priorities might just do that for me. 

 

I hope it does! If not, I am always happy to try and help in whatever way I can :) 

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Book Riot Challenge 2021

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scaly Freak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27

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2 hours ago, MrsVan said:

Good luck for this new year and job hunting!

I've again set up a proper schedule in which I have to do the THINGS and just get on with life. Still doing one thing at a time, just focus on the schedule and not too many rules and must's and have to's. If that makes sense :D

Thank you!

Yeah I think I'm personally not as flexible as you are with your schedule. Just read your post about having to get up and clean a mess had me at "wow". 

Wonder Woman Reaction GIF

(you able to keep moving through no matter what comes at it....)

 

But for me the little voice I made up for you, and the continous: 

just keep swimming GIF

 

1 hour ago, Scaly Freak said:

 

I hope it does! If not, I am always happy to try and help in whatever way I can :) 

Do appreciate it! I know I will be able to ask questions if I get stuck passed on "actually picking up my notebook and using it". 

take notes GIF

 

---

Used my Bujo, found a few jobs in this last week that require the "cover letter" game. I hate that game, but my coworker/friend brought up she would be willing to help me with the editing aspect. Along with my usual assistant routes I don't use enough at school. 

My plan is to find up to 10 jobs and write out deadlines and what I need to do for each application. So I can attack a bit "smartly..."

attacking run the jewels GIF by DJ Shadow

If I don't get any applications done this week, I'm working on cover letters. 

 

 

YNAB I found out is doing a "34-day reset challenge," starting on the 5th. . Something I was looking to do to keep the belt around, so I can buy things I need as time comes on. 

The biggiest deal is no dining out, which is good idea for me all around. 

paying full house GIF

 

So changing up the main goals: job hunt, bujo, and ynab. Everything else is bonuses. I'm highlighting the 3 categories in my journal. 

 

Had too much with the new gif button...

 

 

 

Also one more thing... I'm realizing I need to play around with strength training... Note where my limit is (and know it may change daily) and play with it. Wake up muscles. So will be joining the mini-challenge to see if there are other interesting exerices that don't make my neck hurt (or actually release the tension). 

Just going to go with the flow with that though. 

 

  • Like 2

 

 Personfied/Comissioned Druid Avatar by EzratheButt

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20 hours ago, Bouncer_the_Lovable said:

I'm hoping to use BUJO to track larger goals, such as job hunting. Keep my thoughts in order to avoid circling over something I'm stuck. 

A tool to face at least what the Hard Stuff is and what my next step is... 

@Scaly Freak has tried to help me figure out how get my to dos done. And remembering @MrsVan to do one thing at a time. 

Realizing that writing things out and attempting priorities might just do that for me. 

 

Yes, please have all the discussions about tracking and prioritising and planning and executing. As someone ultra ADHD, I need to keep my head in the game.

  • Like 1

I felt like I could run forever, like I could smell the wind and feel the grass under my feet, and just run forever.

Current Challenge: #24 - Mrs. Cosmopolite Challenge

Past: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6,  #7#8, #9#10, #11a & #11b, #12, #13, #14, #15, #16, #17, #18, #19, #20, #21, #22, #23

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14 hours ago, Bouncer_the_Lovable said:

But for me the little voice I made up for you, and the continous: 

 

"Just keep swimming..." that's what I keep telling myself. Some things just have to be done, even at 2am. To be honest, with this mess it was a question of, either I do it now, get rid of the stink and prevent the floors, etc. from further mess/damage/stink, or do it later, have a bigger mess, stink and what not. In the end I would still have had to clean up the mess. No one was going to come do it for me. So sometimes I have to choose the lesser of two "don't wanna's" or the lesser of two evils, as other people put it. :D

But you are right, I'm very lucky that I have a relatively flexible schedule, in that I could take an hour off to sleep later the day, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to get through the day.

 

You can do it. One thing at a time, prioritize and do what you are able to do, even if it is just a little bit, and not all.

  • Like 2

Mrs.Van Starting from Scratch 🦸  👱‍♀️

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On 12/29/2020 at 5:29 PM, sarakingdom said:

 

Yes, please have all the discussions about tracking and prioritising and planning and executing. As someone ultra ADHD, I need to keep my head in the game.

Will do! Will have fewer worries of continously talking about my goals. 

 

7 hours ago, Captainfantastic said:

excited to be following along with a fellow minnesotan!

0.0 oh dear you are even younger than me... by the look of your profile. (months...  but still). 

Which region are you from?? (Feel free to message if you are uncomfertable). 

I'm mainly  in the Mankato area and working on moving to Twin Cities. 

I survived only a month on a Gunflint job last summer, made me realized I want to be where there is bubba tea shops...

 

Look forward to following along with you also! :)

 

13 hours ago, MrsVan said:

But you are right, I'm very lucky that I have a relatively flexible schedule, in that I could take an hour off to sleep later the day, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to get through the day.

 

You can do it. One thing at a time, prioritize and do what you are able to do, even if it is just a little bit, and not all.

I could technically nap, but right now their is a passive aggressive feud happening with my upstair neighbors. They hear everything down where we are at, and they have full speakers.... 

A reason for me moving soon as I get a job.... Just ready to move on from my loud apartment. 

Having a really hard time not to complain it seems... 

 

Just glad I have an escape route for New Years. 

  • Like 1

 

 Personfied/Comissioned Druid Avatar by EzratheButt

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Yesterday I stopped after narrowing it down to 3 jobs to apply for. 

 

Right now the Mankato area has no openings outside of healthcare and side jobs. If my goal wasn't to find a full time job, I could have a few part time jobs pretty quick. 

 

But I did find job openings at a county that is a 30 min drive (but interesting job expereince) from the new house. 

A humane socieity looking for a front desk worker (pets is technically recreation...) and a children's museum that would combine my other history. 

 

After an hour of hunting I was sleepy, and decided to watch movies. Had a little nap outside of what my neighbors were doing upstairs (they can hear my phone even when its on low volume).  I felt like I got nothing done yesterday otherwise... It techincally is the holiday week of blahs. 

 

Was given a tip to go find cover letters I like on the interwebs, make a template from all of them and go with it (how the people who don't care get their foot in the door). 

 

--

In BUJO I have a page made for tracking 30 job applications to be made in the next 60 days... I feel like I will find more than option if I follow through with this difficult goal. Along wtih getting a large amount of practice. 

 

---

I'm trying not to eat out, but meal prep has been a war of keeping my focus on other duties around the apartment.

Found lasagna may just be a fall back food, especially if i get salad toppings I like. After eating ritz crackers with Ranch I realized any vegetables will be better to keep around. 

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 Personfied/Comissioned Druid Avatar by EzratheButt

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On 12/29/2020 at 3:42 AM, Bouncer_the_Lovable said:

I have never kept weight off on NF, however have found tools that work on keeping depression out and tone down anxiety. Leveling up in many areas that I hope to help my health a bit more this year.

 

Finding ways to manage depression and anxiety is a big win. May you have some more wins in 2021.

 

On 12/29/2020 at 3:42 AM, Bouncer_the_Lovable said:

Facing hard stuff... Realize the fantasy of achieving goals is not having a way to track and change them to what one needs to add to their ever changing life.

 

Ahhh, fantasizing about achieving stuff is the best bit. Then there's all this stuff you have to do in between the idea and the ending. Oh well. I just keep trying until something sticks.

Happy challenging!

  • Like 2

Let cheese and bread and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination.

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56 minutes ago, Harriet said:

Finding ways to manage depression and anxiety is a big win. May you have some more wins in 2021.

Thank you!

 

58 minutes ago, Harriet said:

Ahhh, fantasizing about achieving stuff is the best bit. Then there's all this stuff you have to do in between the idea and the ending. Oh well. I just keep trying until something sticks.

Agreed... but I have a hard time dealing with the disappointment... I realize it's hard to notice the small wins when they don't meet your expectations.

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 Personfied/Comissioned Druid Avatar by EzratheButt

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What a smile! And still rocking that hair!

 

2 hours ago, Bouncer_the_Lovable said:

Agreed... but I have a hard time dealing with the disappointment... I realize it's hard to notice the small wins when they don't meet your expectations.

 

:D I'm no expert but buddhism seems to say "expectation leads to suffering" (as well as the English translation does to deliver non-Western messages).

 

To go forward, one needs to know at least the vague direction of where they want to go, yes.

 

But as long as we are going forward, we are doing more than many. In the face of all the world's BS, we choose to have vision for the future. We manifest what was once only in our minds! Whew!

 

(Not only that but also while fighting debuffs like depression and anxiety, to say it in a light-hearted way, if I may. What a feat!)

 

Look back only to learn. Not to let disappointment drain your energy for your future awesomeness. (I am saying this as much for you as for myself 😋)

 

Looking forward to reading about your planning and prioritising and so on. 😎

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6 hours ago, Athena said:

What a smile! And still rocking that hair!

❤️ Thank you! 

It's finally getting mishappen enough my mother brought up me getting a trim... 

'

6 hours ago, Athena said:

:D I'm no expert but buddhism seems to say "expectation leads to suffering" (as well as the English translation does to deliver non-Western messages).

 

To go forward, one needs to know at least the vague direction of where they want to go, yes.

 

But as long as we are going forward, we are doing more than many. In the face of all the world's BS, we choose to have vision for the future. We manifest what was once only in our minds! Whew!

 

(Not only that but also while fighting debuffs like depression and anxiety, to say it in a light-hearted way, if I may. What a feat!)

 

Look back only to learn. Not to let disappointment drain your energy for your future awesomeness. (I am saying this as much for you as for myself 😋)

Yes exactly.... es as it did back in 20

I've been working on this... probably the most passively way possible. 

Where I show up to meeting weekly, where I'm asked to sit in the moment. 

 

6 hours ago, Athena said:

Looking forward to reading about your planning and prioritising and so on. 😎

Thanks, I feel like its adventure somedays. While others a struggle to move out of bed so I can clean my room (beds are comfiest when you have to get up). 

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 Personfied/Comissioned Druid Avatar by EzratheButt

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Hi! I'm Mezzo, relative newbie, druid and BoJo-er.  Following along! 🙂

The beautiful thing about bullet journals is you use them how ever you need them. There is not right or wrong way or reasons. (The trick for me is staying out of the comparison trap, but that's a different topic.)

Good luck with the job hunt!

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"Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good." - Voltaire

 

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Yesterday after I was given tips on Cover Letters, I did no cover letters. I did look to see my total loan number though... Even wrote the number down on YNAB to remind me of future budget plans when the time comes... 

 

Budget: 

Also finally cancled all my subscriptions... Every single one I can find... Realizing I don't need any of them anymore, and honestly can't afford them. Along with realizing why I avoid budgeting. Soon as I get mindful, life brings up the list of needs (shoes, oil change, hair cut, etc.). Taking off the subscriptions pays off the hair cut, while viewing other things as NEEDS. 

The blah of adulting. No more "extra" subscriptions until I can save 3 months of bills... 

It will be intesting to finally obsere how much I need for groceries...

 

--

 

Update on neighbors, my mom ended up having to go up at 4 am due to them blasting TV. She discovered we have new neighbors, and was able to explain that I get to bed late due to work and need to sleep in. Aka they were quiet over my room until they heard me move around (which I'm fine with). I kind of just wish we could swap sleeping schedules... 

 

---

Today's Objective: Get caught up on cleaning!

I go to work a few hours early due to them closing early on New Year's Eve. 

I have to celebrate by cleaning up the mess my mother and I struggle with (while she is battling with her own depression). 

 

Hoping to get enough stuff done today and tomorrow... Than I will decide on where I wil do Cover Letters and work stuff. 

 

List of cleaning: 

-My own laundry heap (will be hitting up the laundromat if our apartments are busy)

-Dish towers in Kitchen

-Clean out fridge with old food

-Cook something for the week...

-Clear garbage and recylcling that piled up (when the dumbster was full and I didn't want to see our stuff flyind around). 

 

Well I will be busy... 

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 Personfied/Comissioned Druid Avatar by EzratheButt

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11 hours ago, Bouncer_the_Lovable said:

Thank you!

 

Agreed... but I have a hard time dealing with the disappointment... I realize it's hard to notice the small wins when they don't meet your expectations.

 

Do you mean the small wins don't seem worthwhile enough? What sort of things were you thinking of?

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Let cheese and bread and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination.

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23 hours ago, Harriet said:

 

Do you mean the small wins don't seem worthwhile enough? What sort of things were you thinking of?

I think what I mean, is when you know you have expectations for a challenge. Then it doesn't workout or you don't see your own growth until months or years later. 

Since things don't go as expected I tend to get lost in failure thought mode, however I try to step out of it with help of the community around me (this year I thought I was failing classes, everyone in my support system was "hun you are letting the anxiety take over, take a breath and get back at it". 

 

 

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 Personfied/Comissioned Druid Avatar by EzratheButt

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Just wanted to say I'm alive and been trying to deal with my focus.

 

I think I'm going to change this challenge to more batcave setup. Since I'm trying to setup my life to allow a place to help me move through the next steps....

 

Marie Kondo technique has caught my attention and might be a thing I need for my things I go through. Along with finding what I can take to my boyfriend's house before I fully move in with him.

 

Aka becoming more available to move when needed and clean out the old.

 

  • Like 2

 

 Personfied/Comissioned Druid Avatar by EzratheButt

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On 12/29/2020 at 2:59 PM, Bouncer_the_Lovable said:

So changing up the main goals: job hunt, bujo, and ynab. Everything else is bonuses.

I like this flexibility and adjustment for focus.

Nicely done.

  • Like 1

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11 hours ago, Bouncer_the_Lovable said:

I think I'm going to change this challenge to more batcave setup. Since I'm trying to setup my life to allow a place to help me move through the next steps....

 

I am generally in favor of anything Batcave related. Especially if it is related to creating a home base and a solid foundation for future challenges and life improvements. :) 

  • Like 1

Book Riot Challenge 2021

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scaly Freak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27

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On 1/1/2021 at 8:20 PM, Bouncer_the_Lovable said:

I think what I mean, is when you know you have expectations for a challenge. Then it doesn't workout or you don't see your own growth until months or years later. 

 

Oh, yeah. I often think my challenges have gone badly, but when I look back over a longer period I've actually made some progress. It was nice doing a retrospective at the end of the year for that reason.

 

14 hours ago, Bouncer_the_Lovable said:

Just wanted to say I'm alive and been trying to deal with my focus.

 

I think I'm going to change this challenge to more batcave setup. Since I'm trying to setup my life to allow a place to help me move through the next steps....

 


Batcave sounds good. Have you been using the bujo sometimes?

Let cheese and bread and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination.

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Thank you all for your encouragement!

 Will reply personally tomorrow if I can free my desk from my mess...

 

Haven't kept up with BUJO but been using it for grocery shopping... and attempting to track my finance challenge.  YNAB reset... on trying to track and keep to the minimum.

 

Wednesday morning finally been able to get my hands on the KonMari method book digital format from my local library. Tried reading throughout the morning, while dealing with my sick mother (she is feeling well enough to talk all day, but we have to keep an eye on her low fever).

 

My clothing mountain: (category 1 of method)

Spoiler

 

20210106_192203.thumb.jpg.6bb4e8956ec88d69d726d8e1bc0c64bc.jpg

My wardrobe plus everything  I had stored. 

Am planning to go through until I am ready to crawl over tonight and crash into bed. A couple hours and I'm going through quickly. (An hour before work and now after...)

 

Didn't realize how many breaks I needed, but I personally feel this is going to be the easiest category... since I've been sifting for years, now finally able to see what I want a bit clearer.

 

 

  • Like 3

 

 Personfied/Comissioned Druid Avatar by EzratheButt

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Good for you! The KonMari method gets a lot of grief in my circles but I personally got a lot from her books. 

As part of the 'Toy Story' generation, her approach resonates with me because you treat your inanimate things with a level of respect. I also appreciate the built-in gratitude practice of thanking things you discard. ☺️

I also like the Minimalists. They have a new documentary on netflix I want to watch, just haven't gotten to it yet.

Good luck on your decluttering journey!

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"Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good." - Voltaire

 

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