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Mad Hatter tries not to self destruct


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6 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Maybe I don't need to understand, but my science self wants otherwise. 😄

 

 

I completely understand this, since my brain works the same way. One of the things that frustrated me and made it so hard for me to deal wit my anxiety without professional help is that anxiety is so very emotional and emotion based, and emotions can't be logicked into making rational sense because they don't work that way. It was driving me metaphorically crazy for a while before the therapist I was seeing at the time helped me understand it better. My over-thinking geek brain needs to understand how things work before I can start actually doing anything at all with them... the lack of insight makes me anxious. :) 

 

6 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Unfortunately it's all out of pocket for now until I can get the public health insurance. Then that will cover only about 60% of the cost. But ok maybe I shouldn't be too hasty because of one thing. I should also explain to him that I've developed a bit of a goal aversion due to constantly failing at them. He did say we could also just talk, so maybe I can do that to see if he's willing to answer questions. 

 

Oh that is sucky and wrong! There are enough mental and emotional hurdles to overcome, against seeking mental health care. Adding a financial hurdle is just dumb.

 

With regards to the therapist and how to approach future sessions: You are running this show. Not that you can tell him how to treat you or what to prescribe (if he can do that) or anything like that, but you are entirely in charge of what to talk about. If you don't want to discuss a specific topic, it won't be discussed. If you want to just talk, to get to know the therapist better while you work on deciding if he's a good fit for what you need to get out of therapy, then that's what will happen.

 

I was very apprehensive and uncomfortable when I first started with therapy, and I think you it's impressive, and very brave, that you keep trying it despite having a couple of negative experience with therapists in the past. You've got this.

  • Like 1

Reading Challenge Thread 2022

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scaly Freak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31; Ch 32; Ch 33; Ch 34

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5 hours ago, Epsilonte said:

This is a really good question. Probably both of them are real, but maybe there is a third one in the middle that is a bit easier to live with? ^^ 

 

Love this! Yay for pole! And climbing! Sounds like you had a great day. :) 

The third one fluctuates between contentment and intense urges to set everything on fire because stable is boring. 😆

 

I really did! 

 

5 hours ago, Athena said:

Yessss 🤩👏🤘

 

Lots of useful & fun things to do since I am put on this floating space rock anyway.  Option A all the way, dammit. A+ (with zestiness) as often as possible.

Useful I don't know, but fun sure! 😄

 

34 minutes ago, Scaly Freak said:

I completely understand this, since my brain works the same way. One of the things that frustrated me and made it so hard for me to deal wit my anxiety without professional help is that anxiety is so very emotional and emotion based, and emotions can't be logicked into making rational sense because they don't work that way. It was driving me metaphorically crazy for a while before the therapist I was seeing at the time helped me understand it better. My over-thinking geek brain needs to understand how things work before I can start actually doing anything at all with them... the lack of insight makes me anxious. :) 

 

Oh that is sucky and wrong! There are enough mental and emotional hurdles to overcome, against seeking mental health care. Adding a financial hurdle is just dumb.

 

With regards to the therapist and how to approach future sessions: You are running this show. Not that you can tell him how to treat you or what to prescribe (if he can do that) or anything like that, but you are entirely in charge of what to talk about. If you don't want to discuss a specific topic, it won't be discussed. If you want to just talk, to get to know the therapist better while you work on deciding if he's a good fit for what you need to get out of therapy, then that's what will happen.

 

I was very apprehensive and uncomfortable when I first started with therapy, and I think you it's impressive, and very brave, that you keep trying it despite having a couple of negative experience with therapists in the past. You've got this.

Emotions are dumb. But it I find it comforting to understand a bit about how brains work and why they're dumb. Even if it doesn't help in logicking in your way out of emotions.

 

SO DUMB. And it becomes prohibitively expensive for so many people, it's quite upsetting! For myself I'd be ok with spending the money (sort of) if I knew it'd help, but I'm still apprehensive about it in case it's a complete waste...

 

Thank you I'll keep this in mind. 

 

Aww thanks. 🤗

  • Haha 2
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Today was one of those strange days when I was restless and bored but also couldn't get started on anything because of too many options and resistance and then I was sort of tired anyway. 

 

BUT I fixed a couple of cabinet doors that were driving me insane. 🎉  One of them hadn't been able to close properly for a year, but that was only somewhat annoying so I ignored it. The other door had its top hinge come off a few days ago and that was just unbearable because I use that cabinet all the time. It took all of 30 seconds to screw it back in.

 

I also finally sharpened my knives with the whetstones I got for christmas! I only did my two more, uhmm rustic, ones to practice on. I had no idea I'd find it sooooo relaxing, hypnotic even with the ASMR sound and the swooshing motion, particularly on the coarser stone. The only problem is that sometimes I would zone out completely and suddenly find myself sharpening at a different angle. Whatevs, they're still much sharper than before. I seriously think all of my more anxiously inclined friends should look into this in case you find it soothing too. 😄

 

Daytime walk ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅   ✅  ❌ ✅ ❓✅

Other self care ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅   ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅  See above. I also collated a list of questions, concerns and goals (the best I can do right now) for the next therapy session.

Don’t disappear ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅   ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ 

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  • That's Metal 2
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54 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

 I seriously think all of my more anxiously inclined friends should look into this in case you find it soothing too. 😄

 

Suddenly, the scenes of warriors and assassins sitting silently sharpening their knives make sense 😁

 

I noticed it even with the silly cheap knife sharpener-keyholder type thing. A whetstone one sounds awesone. And sharp knives are so satisfying. Except for cutting stuff in your hands/without a cutting board and being used to my neglected knife, and then suddenly it's sharp but I forgot I'd sharpened it. Ouch :D

  • Like 1

Level ☆ human [uncategorizable]
STR 2 | DEX 3 | CON 2 | STA 3 | WIS 5 | CHA 5
Current challenge: Athena focuses on the physical | 
Battle log

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20 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Your theorizations are super helpful! I love hearing all of your suggestions and perspectives. For example, right now it forces me to pick apart the difference between gut feeling and knee-jerk reaction. 😛 And how best to approach the next session or next therapist.

 

Ah, good to know our musings have some utility.

 

20 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Right. Same. That's why we keep trying.

 

Right on. 🤘

 

20 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Technically a beer, but to me sours are more like adult sodas. 😁

 

Mmm. Adult sodas.

  • Like 2

Let cheese and oxen and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination - Harriet the Viking

Just be bold, fluid and unapologetic, not small, hairy and indecisive - Harriet the Artist

You can absorb me! - Harriet the Contextless Guru

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31 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

I blame Monday. 😛 Tomorrow I'll do better.

 

Best Miniramp Mondays GIFs | Gfycat

Reading Challenge Thread 2022

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scaly Freak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31; Ch 32; Ch 33; Ch 34

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19 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

I blame Monday. 😛 Tomorrow I'll do better.

 

Daytime walk ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅   ✅ ❌ ✅ ❓✅   ✅ ❌

Other self care ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅   ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅   ✅ ❌

Don’t disappear ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅   ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅   ✅ ✅ 

 

They don't look so bad with the row of green behind them, though...

Let cheese and oxen and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination - Harriet the Viking

Just be bold, fluid and unapologetic, not small, hairy and indecisive - Harriet the Artist

You can absorb me! - Harriet the Contextless Guru

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1 minute ago, Harriet said:

 

They don't look so bad with the row of green behind them, though...

TRUTH

Raptron, alot assassin

67666564636261605958 575655545352515049484746454443424140393837363534333231302928272625242322212019181716151413121110987 | 6 | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 1

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21 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

I blame Monday. 😛 Tomorrow I'll do better.

 

Daytime walk ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅   ✅ ❌ ✅ ❓✅   ✅ ❌

Other self care ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅   ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅   ✅ ❌

Don’t disappear ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅   ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅   ✅ ✅ 

I had a Monday too. Today will be better

Wisdom 22.5   Dexterity 13   Charisma 15   Strength 21  Constitution-13

"If more of us valued food and cheer and song, above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world" J.R.R.Tolkien

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22 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

 

Best Miniramp Mondays GIFs | Gfycat

Badly. And the Tuesdays. Is that a thing? It's a thing now.

 

5 hours ago, Epsilonte said:

Yesterday was SUCH a Monday though, I felt it too. 

Tuesday is better. :D How are you doing today? :)

I cancelled Tuesday and now I'm counting on Wednesday. :P 

 

2 hours ago, Harriet said:

They don't look so bad with the row of green behind them, though...

 

2 hours ago, raptron said:

TRUTH

Even if the amount of red starts piling up in front?

 

1 hour ago, Elastigirl said:

I had a Monday too. Today will be better

Ahh I see. It must be a common occurrence then. 

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I did work. 😭

 

Daytime walk ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅   ✅ ❌ ✅ ❓✅   ✅ ❌ ❌ People kept distracting me, I kept distracting me and in the end I didn't manage to get out before the sun set. 

Other self care ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅   ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅   ✅ ❌ ✅ I cooked food. And I walked to the further away shop to buy garlic.

Don’t disappear ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅   ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅   ✅ ✅ ✅ These updates feel rather pointless but hey look at the green!

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24 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

I cancelled Tuesday and now I'm counting on Wednesday. :P 

GOOOO WEDNESDAY! 

 

24 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

Even if the amount of red starts piling up in front?

Even if, totally. They're not worth less bc of the company they keep. 😉

 

  • Like 1

Raptron, alot assassin

67666564636261605958 575655545352515049484746454443424140393837363534333231302928272625242322212019181716151413121110987 | 6 | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 1

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29 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

Even if the amount of red starts piling up in front?


it's a sort of buffer that causes me to overlook the red. I guess the ratios matter.

Let cheese and oxen and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination - Harriet the Viking

Just be bold, fluid and unapologetic, not small, hairy and indecisive - Harriet the Artist

You can absorb me! - Harriet the Contextless Guru

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19 minutes ago, Defining said:

Does this not count as a walk?!

Not as a day time walk, where I get to imagine there's a sun hiding somewhere. 😛 But it was a something better nothing.

 

7 minutes ago, raptron said:

GOOOO WEDNESDAY! 

 

Even if, totally. They're not worth less bc of the company they keep. 😉

 

GO WEDNESDAY GO!

 

Thank you for the most excellent reminder. 🙂

 

1 minute ago, Harriet said:

it's a sort of buffer that causes me to overlook the red. I guess the ratios matter.

The problem with red is that it's so nice and bright... But I'll try for more greens tomorrow!  

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54 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

Ahh I see. It must be a common occurrence then. 

I feel like Mondays are either one of two things. Either I'm ready to take on the world and get all the things done, or I have zero mojo and have to drag myself to do anything. Sadly, it's  usually the latter of the two

  • Like 3

Wisdom 22.5   Dexterity 13   Charisma 15   Strength 21  Constitution-13

"If more of us valued food and cheer and song, above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world" J.R.R.Tolkien

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1 hour ago, Mad Hatter said:

I cancelled Tuesday and now I'm counting on Wednesday. :P 

 

cheer GIF

 

Go Wednesday! Third time's the charm. :D 

 

1 hour ago, Mad Hatter said:

These updates feel rather pointless but hey look at the green!

 

I like them. They are important and well recieved. Keep 'em coming! :D Also: Greeeeen. ❤️ A little red just compliments it. ^^

 

Previous challenges: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12

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1. Why did I put on the laundry at 9.30 pm when I know it takes almost 3 hours?

2. Where did the mystery ear bud cover I found in the bathroom sink come from? No, it's not mine.

3. What is the purpose of the leek I bought two days ago? I still can't figure it out.

 

Daytime walk ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅   ✅ ❌ ✅ ❓✅   ✅ ❌ ❌ ✅ I skived off work.

Other self care ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅   ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅   ✅ ❌ ✅ ✅ Much adult. Cleaned the kitchen. And the bathroom. Doing laundry. 

Don’t disappear ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅   ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅   ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅

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4 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

1. Why did I put on the laundry at 9.30 pm when I know it takes almost 3 hours?

2. Where did the mystery ear bud cover I found in the bathroom sink come from? No, it's not mine.

3. What is the purpose of the leek I bought two days ago? I still can't figure it out.

1. Because late laundry is better than digging through dirty clothes looking for something passable to wear.

2. Static cling on a shirt from being out and about somewhere?

3. Ooh, I know this one! Because leeks are delicious and your subconscious made sure you'd have one at home to eat. The poor leek's life purpose was to be eaten. Don't disappoint it.

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