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Mad Hatter tries not to self destruct


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12 hours ago, juliebarkley said:

1. Because late laundry is better than digging through dirty clothes looking for something passable to wear.

2. Static cling on a shirt from being out and about somewhere?

3. Ooh, I know this one! Because leeks are delicious and your subconscious made sure you'd have one at home to eat. The poor leek's life purpose was to be eaten. Don't disappoint it.

That did not even cross my mind. 😛 I just got annoyed at the piles of stuff.

 

But how?? From whom?? Social distancing and all that 😄

 

Yes that must be the only logical explanation because I don't even remember that I forgot.

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16 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

3. What is the purpose of the leek I bought two days ago? I still can't figure it out.

 

Leek is for eat. With butter and salt.

Let cheese and oxen and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination - Harriet the Viking

Just be bold, fluid and unapologetic, not small, hairy and indecisive - Harriet the Artist

You can absorb me! - Harriet the Contextless Guru

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Today I went climbing! It was really fun and the whole gang was there. But guys. I am so unfit. And I am not enjoying how my body feels*. I believe it's finally time to do better.

 

*Partly self inflicted because I left lunch until too late, and overate before climbing as a result and gross. But that's not the point!

 

Daytime walk ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅   ✅ ❌ ✅ ❓✅   ✅ ❌ ❌ ✅ ❌ I missed it again! 🙈 Too lazy to get out of my warm bed in the morning, then some work happened, then it got dark right after I remembered.

Other self care ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅   ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅   ✅ ❌ ✅ ✅ ✅  Climbing. 

Don’t disappear ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅   ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅   ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ 

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Yay for going climbing! It can be really hard in the winter to get  a walk in, at least if you want to do it during the light. And I think you guys have even less light hours than we do.

Wisdom 22.5   Dexterity 13   Charisma 15   Strength 21  Constitution-13

"If more of us valued food and cheer and song, above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world" J.R.R.Tolkien

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10 minutes ago, Elastigirl said:

Yay for going climbing! It can be really hard in the winter to get  a walk in, at least if you want to do it during the light. And I think you guys have even less light hours than we do.

It really is! It's always worth it on the sunny days when it gets really pretty, but lately most days have been gray and dark and meh, sometimes rainy. It's hard to walk because I have to be so careful all the time and most of my walk is spent staring at the ground anyway, which is just not fun. It's a HARD sell to put on a bunch of layers to face the outside compared to staying in my pyjamas in a warm flat, just because it's supposedly good for me. :P Basically I had my few days of winter wonderland and now I'm ready for spring. :D 

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Just now, Epsilonte said:

I was just thinking the same, you are really doing hard mode with those daylight walks up in the north... But yay for climbing!! :) It comes back fast if you keep doing it. :) 

Sigh. It is a good thing though...  I should still have the local climbing gym membership that I haven't been to in months. I'm going to try to make a habit of going there again on weekdays, even if it's only for a 10 minute mini session. That way I can get both a walk in and start building up my body again. 🙂 It's not even that my climbing grades have dropped (well, even further), it's more that I don't recognize my body anymore, and it's uncomfortable how stiff and weak it is. 😕 Guess that's what happens when you neglect it for... uh.. 9 months. 🙈

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16 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

I don't recognize my body anymore, and it's uncomfortable how stiff and weak it is. 😕 Guess that's what happens when you neglect it for... uh.. 9 months. 🙈

I am in this boat with you. I'm hoping for a light at the end of the tunnel once I get some focus on actually doing things with my body instead of being plopped in front of a screen for 12+ hours a day, but in the meanwhile it is not a happy boat.

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19 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

It's not even that my climbing grades have dropped (well, even further), it's more that I don't recognize my body anymore, and it's uncomfortable how stiff and weak it is. 😕 Guess that's what happens when you neglect it for... uh.. 9 months. 🙈

 

Imagine how happy your body is to have your attention again! It's been so long since it felt the warm comfort of your active attention, and though it feels stiff and weak, your muscles and the tendons around your joints are actual doing their version of how a dog bunces and dances in place while their tail is wagging like crazy, when their favorite person finally returns after being away from home for forever. Take a break and celebrate the happy reunion!

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Reading Challenge Thread 2022

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scalyfreak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31; Ch 32; Ch 33; Ch 34; Ch 35; Ch 36; Ch 37

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6 hours ago, sylph said:

I am in this boat with you. I'm hoping for a light at the end of the tunnel once I get some focus on actually doing things with my body instead of being plopped in front of a screen for 12+ hours a day, but in the meanwhile it is not a happy boat.

Yeah I feel like this boat is taking the long way round. :) But it will get there, I'm sure! 

 

5 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

Imagine how happy your body is to have your attention again! It's been so long since it felt the warm comfort of your active attention, and though it feels stiff and weak, your muscles and the tendons around your joints are actual doing their version of how a dog bunces and dances in place while their tail is wagging like crazy, when their favorite person finally returns after being away from home for forever. Take a break and celebrate the happy reunion!

What a cute analogy. :D I think we're still in the cautiously circling each other stage, but I'm sure there will be butt sniffing soon. Umm. Yeah. Let's go with that.

 

3 hours ago, Mike Wazowski said:

Ooh, I love the plan to walk to the local climbing gym to accomplish two things at once. I'm starting to make it a habit to walk to my local coffee shop for my morning coffee, and it's a nice way to get the body moving out in the sunlight.

When I first got the membership I used to get coffee on the way. It started because I had run out of coffee beans and kept forgetting to buy them and then it became a bit of a habit. A really unnecessary and money wasting habit (for me, people can do whatever the hell they want with their money!) Then I realized that part of the reason why I even went to the gym was so that I could have my treat. 🙈 I really didn't like that realization. But hey, desperate times lead to desperate measures!

 

2 hours ago, Athena said:

I had leek à la crème yesterday, with fish :)

 

Celebrating movement with you 🥳

Wheeee 💃

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17 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

What a cute analogy. :D I think we're still in the cautiously circling each other stage, but I'm sure there will be butt sniffing soon. Umm. Yeah. Let's go with that.

 

 

You're doing a flexibility challenge anyway, aren't you?

Reading Challenge Thread 2022

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scalyfreak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31; Ch 32; Ch 33; Ch 34; Ch 35; Ch 36; Ch 37

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I had another appointment with the same therapist as last name. It turned out it wasn't a knee jerk reaction after all, he's garbage. I came in with a long list of goals, and yet he kept insisting that I needed to pick one and yammering on about "what I want", and that without a goal I'm lost. I can see where he's coming from - but the problem is that I AM completely lost, otherwise I wouldn't go to a fucking therapist. I've been trying to figure this out for a year, and all good it did me was spiralling me into a really, really scary place. I told him that last time as well, and yet I had to keep repeating myself and he kept repeating the same questions and aaggh what a waste of time and money. But at least now I know. Last time I was in a bit of a, uhmm, spicy mood so I thought maybe my mood was clouding my judgement. Nope. Today I was very chill, and yet he irritated me so much I nearly walked out. 

 

Straight after that I had a chat with my boss, who asked me if I want to lead one of the big projects in the pipeline. Uggggh. I don't know what to say. There are many red flags, and I honestly don't know if I'm even in a good enough mental state (mood and interest) that I can do the job. I've never done anything like this, and it's really difficult. On the other hand, who knows, maybe a more social role would make me less bored. Or it could completely backfire. The great irony of the conversation was when my boss said what a great job I've been doing, when for the past many months I've considered any day where I manage to code at all a successful day. I don't have to decide straight away, but ugghh.

 

After those two conversations I felt really antsy so I went out for a walk. It didn't help, but during the walk I got the genius idea to poke my new neighbour friend to hang out. :D Of course it's only after we made plans that I realized I was unshowered, couldn't bring them anything because I was in the forest, and couldn't quite remember if I was still wearing pyjamas underneath my sweater. Classy. I'm very glad they're the kind of people that don't care about stuff like that, or about having people over in moving chaos. :P So the best kind of people really! 

 

Tomorrow my friends and I are going to pretend to be visitors in Helsinki. :D We impulse bought a stay at a hotel, with a small spa, should be a nice little break! Again, desperate times, desperate measures haha.

 

Daytime walk ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅   ✅ ❌ ✅ ❓✅   ✅ ❌ ❌ ✅ ❌   ✅ Just about made it!

Other self care ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅   ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅   ✅ ❌ ✅ ✅ ✅   ✅ Friends!

Don’t disappear ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅   ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅   ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅   ✅ 

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Yeah, that therapist is definitely not for you. I'm sure it's possible that he might be good with people who have completely different issues, but it seems to my like he didn't understand you and what you wanted to get out of the therapy at all. Good riddance to him!

 

But sucky that you had another shitty experience with therapy. That is bad in every way. Maybe where you live is where all the bad ones congregate? That would be even more sucky, but it would at least explain it.

 

And you get major points for going back there an sincerely trying to give him a second chance, because that cant have been easy. Even more points for making time with good friends who have their priorities in order :) 

Reading Challenge Thread 2022

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scalyfreak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31; Ch 32; Ch 33; Ch 34; Ch 35; Ch 36; Ch 37

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Sounds like you gave the therapist a fair chance and he's just not very good. Pity. Can you get someone else?

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Let cheese and oxen and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination - Harriet the Viking

Just be bold, fluid and unapologetic, not small, hairy and indecisive - Harriet the Artist

You can absorb me! - Harriet the Contextless Guru

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18 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

After those two conversations I felt really antsy so I went out for a walk. It didn't help, but during the walk I got the genius idea to poke my new neighbour friend to hang out. :D Of course it's only after we made plans that I realized I was unshowered, couldn't bring them anything because I was in the forest, and couldn't quite remember if I was still wearing pyjamas underneath my sweater. Classy. I'm very glad they're the kind of people that don't care about stuff like that, or about having people over in moving chaos. :P So the best kind of people really! 

 

This is how I felt yesterday during my first day of work on a new job.  I rolled out of bed and headed to the district office to drop off my fingerprints.  afterwards I decided to take a walk at a park near my new school just to get a lay of the land.  during the walk the principal calls and asks if I could come in that day instead of on monday because the person I'm subbing for was available for me to shadow.  I explained that I was unshowered and may be wearing a pajama top under my sweatshirt, my hair was tied up under a ball cap...  but I that'd come in if they were fine with my very casual appearance.  They were!  Everyone was so nice and welcoming and very happy I was willing to "come as you are" and I was thrilled to discover that I'll be working with "the best kind of people."  :)  But yeah, on Monday I'm going to be clean and professional...

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Rock Gnome Assassin

Lvl 28

 

 

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22 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

I came in with a long list of goals, and yet he kept insisting that I needed to pick one and yammering on about "what I want", and that without a goal I'm lost

oh yeah, time to move on!

 

22 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Straight after that I had a chat with my boss, who asked me if I want to lead one of the big projects in the pipeline.

The 'logical' thing for this is to make a list of pros/cons, but can I make a different suggestion? Flip a coin. If you're ok with the answer, move forward. If you're disappointed in the result you also know how to move forward. :P But in this kind of state, sometimes ruminating over stuff like this is the worst part of the entire thing.

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...but I'm adorable! Ask anyone who doesn't know me...

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