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Mad Hatter tries not to self destruct


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4 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

I don't think you guys are quite understanding of how little I'm managing right now... I manage basic hygiene, but even food is optional right now. And I don't even feel guilty about that, I'm mostly really confused because I don't understand why it's so incredibly difficult to do anything right now. My mood is fine, my energy's fine...

Does it really matter why it's hard right now? If food is optional, you can just call it fasting ;). For me the basic hygiene somehow became more optional now that I'm at home ALL the time. Showers and clean clothes happen way too little at the moment :rolleyes:.

 

6 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

Right now I can't help feeling that either there's something wrong with my brain, or I plain suck*. And I don't know which is worse. 

 

*But not in a negative thought spiral of doom kind of way! Anymore.

You don't suck! Your brain might be different from most people's, but that's okay. You have a roof over your head and enough money for basic necessities such as food; you have the time to figure out the rest. What do you want with your life? (You probably said this before, but I can't remember). Is it realistic? If so, what is especially important about that and what do you need to do for it? At some point I accepted that I would be okay with a "boring" life, and even then there is so much to be excited about. I don't aim to change the world or have the greatest adventures ever, but focus on short-term happiness instead. My QoL increased so much when I let go of my ambitions, it's great ;).

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1 minute ago, Waanie said:

Does it really matter why it's hard right now? If food is optional, you can just call it fasting ;). For me the basic hygiene somehow became more optional now that I'm at home ALL the time. Showers and clean clothes happen way too little at the moment :rolleyes:.

I don't know if it matters. But I'd really, really get out of this loop because it sucks, and knowing why might help.

 

As an aside - the main reason why showers are still happening is because they're warm and comfortable and sometimes they help as transitions. Clean clothes however are quite optional. 😛 

 

6 minutes ago, Waanie said:

You don't suck! Your brain might be different from most people's, but that's okay. You have a roof over your head and enough money for basic necessities such as food; you have the time to figure out the rest. What do you want with your life? (You probably said this before, but I can't remember). Is it realistic? If so, what is especially important about that and what do you need to do for it?

Thanks. And I know. 🙂 I would just like to understand my brain better instead of fighting it so much.

 

Heh the life question is part of what sent me spiralling last year. I have no idea. Like really no idea. Which is a biiiit of a problem and makes me feel quite stuck and lost. But I'm done with the overthinking for now, first I need to start doing anything at all and get excited about things.

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25 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

I didn't self destruct! Admittedly that episode already feels like a million years ago, but still, that's a big win! 

 

Congrats! ❤️ And I have been absent/lurking, but just wanted to say that reading through everyone's thoughts in this thread has been very helpful to me, too, so thank you for prompting them and making space for these conversations.

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Halfling Assassin

 

Current challenge:  Tei un-schedules 

Previous challenges: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12,  13, 14, 15 

"Our opponent is an alien starship packed with atomic bombs. We have a protractor." -- Fraa Erasmas

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3 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

As an aside - the main reason why showers are still happening is because they're warm and comfortable and sometimes they help as transitions.

 

Showers are the same great reset button as sleep is. 

 

Yay for not disappearing, can't wait for your next thread! :)

Previous challenges: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7

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10 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

But I'm done with the overthinking for now, first I need to start doing anything at all and get excited about things.

 

Weird question: do you want a reminder to do some  (non-over)thinking (together) when you are back on that doing and excitement?

 

That would be just another way you are stepping out of that loop. Because, fyi, if you are not already out of the loop, you are in a *different* loop since you did some hardcore badass introspection, and making sure you got some fresh air on days you might have otherwise just chilled in bed (esp if lockdown had happened in a different point of life), and throwing all sorts of things at it, and doing a little dance with the asking for help from all sorts of people irl, and and and. Yeah, by the sounds of it :)

Level ☆ human [uncategorizable]
STR 2 | DEX 3 | CON 2 | STA 3 | WIS 5 | CHA 5
Current challenge: Athena focuses on the physical | 
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11 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

But I'm done with the overthinking for now, first I need to start doing anything at all and get excited about things.

 

Sounds good! Worth a try, anyway.

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Let cheese and bread and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination.

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13 hours ago, tei_ said:

Congrats! ❤️ And I have been absent/lurking, but just wanted to say that reading through everyone's thoughts in this thread has been very helpful to me, too, so thank you for prompting them and making space for these conversations.

I'm very glad my self indulgent wallowing was useful for something. 😄

 

10 hours ago, Epsilonte said:

Showers are the same great reset button as sleep is. 

 

Yay for not disappearing, can't wait for your next thread! :)

Yeah!

 

Coming soon!

 

3 hours ago, Athena said:

Weird question: do you want a reminder to do some  (non-over)thinking (together) when you are back on that doing and excitement?

 

That would be just another way you are stepping out of that loop. Because, fyi, if you are not already out of the loop, you are in a *different* loop since you did some hardcore badass introspection, and making sure you got some fresh air on days you might have otherwise just chilled in bed (esp if lockdown had happened in a different point of life), and throwing all sorts of things at it, and doing a little dance with the asking for help from all sorts of people irl, and and and. Yeah, by the sounds of it :)

Sure! Though I suspect the over thinking won't stop for a while even if that's the aim haha. 😄

 

Good point on the walking - I did in fact do more that I set out to do! At first it was really all about surviving, but I did manage to up the ante a little bit halfway through the challenge. Now it's time to up it even more - just need to figure out test how.

 

2 hours ago, Harriet said:

Sounds good! Worth a try, anyway.

If there's one thing I'm good at it's to keep trying! 😛

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