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Mad Hatter tries not to self destruct


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6 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

I sometimes do just listen to music, as a kind of meditation. I try to avoid naps if I can, as they can be quite dysregulating. I think naps in this phase are less about needing rest and more about not wanting to be awake, so they're less effective in this case. 

 

I'm really torn on that one. On the one hand, the dysregulation is real, especially if you don't seem to need any s-word. On the other, I'm toying with the idea that if the body can sleep, it can use the sleep, so maybe not wanting to be awake is, at its core, brain repair. Like, I wonder if maybe the thinking on depression and excess sleep is backwards; maybe it's not a symptom of, but rather a response to, mood problems. And when my mood is truly shit, maybe letting my brain have more downtime for maintenance is the better use of my time. Either it does repairs, or it just gets a break from my replaying negative thought patterns, and either way, maybe that's  not bad. (And this is even more true in winter. I think it might be normal to need more food and rest in winter.)

 

But you know you best. I'm a chronic under-sleeper, so my brain needs may look very different from yours.

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I felt like I could run forever, like I could smell the wind and feel the grass under my feet, and just run forever.

Current Challenge: #24 - Mrs. Cosmopolite Challenge

Past: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6,  #7#8, #9#10, #11a & #11b, #12, #13, #14, #15, #16, #17, #18, #19, #20, #21, #22, #23

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10 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

I sometimes do just listen to music, as a kind of meditation. I try to avoid naps if I can, as they can be quite dysregulating. I think naps in this phase are less about needing rest and more about not wanting to be awake, so they're less effective in this case.

 

I am familiar with this kind of sleeping. It is not the good kind. And naps too long or to late in the afternoon can definitely ruin the proper long nighttime nap.

 

10 minutes ago, sarakingdom said:

Trying to figure out the feels is annoying. (I should clarify, I don't mean, like, commune with your sadness and feel it extra strong. I'm anti reinforcing the mental pathways of badness. But using mindfulness to understand it and what it responds to, where your body holds stress, and so on. Find out what it is. 

 

I find noticing and labelling negative feels can give a bit of distance from them. It robs them of some of their immediacy and intensity and that sensation that they are somehow marrow-deep truth.

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Let cheese and oxen and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination - Harriet the Viking

Just be bold, fluid and unapologetic, not small, hairy and indecisive - Harriet the Artist

You can absorb me! - Harriet the Contextless Guru

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6 minutes ago, Harriet said:

I find noticing and labelling negative feels can give a bit of distance from them. It robs them of some of their immediacy and intensity and that sensation that they are somehow marrow-deep truth.

 

I often go through a little checklist, like, "Hydration and food both up to date? Okay. Now, how much of you is being caused by physical stress. Are my shoulders tight, is my breathing shallow? Right, now let's have a look and see what you are. Are you a fear, or a shame, or a sadness? What sort of thing are you?"

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I felt like I could run forever, like I could smell the wind and feel the grass under my feet, and just run forever.

Current Challenge: #24 - Mrs. Cosmopolite Challenge

Past: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6,  #7#8, #9#10, #11a & #11b, #12, #13, #14, #15, #16, #17, #18, #19, #20, #21, #22, #23

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21 minutes ago, sarakingdom said:

Yeah, I haven't been noticing mood changes, but I've been noticing a lot of focus slip and maybe some self-care slip. Or maybe not some self-care slip, it's confusing. I'm not sure if it's a bad ADHD patch, or what, but it does need some investigation. It's focus slip to a degree I consider a signal of something.

What are some things that cause focus slips for you? My focus is extremely all over the place, so I'm curious to hear how it works for you.

 

21 minutes ago, sarakingdom said:

I don't mean, like, commune with your sadness and feel it extra strong

In some cases this can be helpful too. Like if I know I have to go through the sadness to come out on the other side it can help to put on sad/dramatic music or watch sad movies. But that's more useful in the cases when I feel like I've been trying for too long to keep my shit together. But it doesn't help now.

 

10 minutes ago, sarakingdom said:

I'm really torn on that one. On the one hand, the dysregulation is real, especially if you don't seem to need any s-word. On the other, I'm toying with the idea that if the body can sleep, it can use the sleep, so maybe not wanting to be awake is, at its core, brain repair. Like, I wonder if maybe the thinking on depression and excess sleep is backwards; maybe it's not a symptom of, but rather a response to, mood problems. And when my mood is truly shit, maybe letting my brain have more downtime for maintenance is the better use of my time. Either it does repairs, or it just gets a break from my replaying negative thought patterns, and either way, maybe that's  not bad. (And this is even more true in winter. I think it might be normal to need more food and rest in winter.)

I've actually been wondering this too. But I do think it becomes excessive at some point and there's a high risk of getting into a too-tired-to-do-anything loop which can be very debilitating. Also sleep is good for learning, so it could also be that those replaying negative thought patterns get even more enforced.

 

9 minutes ago, Harriet said:

I find noticing and labelling negative feels can give a bit of distance from them. It robs them of some of their immediacy and intensity and that sensation that they are somehow marrow-deep truth.

Maybe I need more practice at it because so far it hasn't been working.

 

1 minute ago, Captainfantastic said:

We're here for you! You've got this!

Thank you! ☺️ I'm sure it will go away soon. It always does.

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3 minutes ago, sarakingdom said:

I often go through a little checklist, like, "Hydration and food both up to date? Okay. Now, how much of you is being caused by physical stress. Are my shoulders tight, is my breathing shallow? Right, now let's have a look and see what you are. Are you a fear, or a shame, or a sadness? What sort of thing are you?"

Funny you say that, I've started to run that check list in just the past few days! Almost like a "you're only allowed to feel sad after breakfast and a cup of tea" thing. :P It's very useful. This part was definitely much easier when I worked in the office!

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18 minutes ago, Harriet said:

I find noticing and labelling negative feels can give a bit of distance from them. It robs them of some of their immediacy and intensity and that sensation that they are somehow marrow-deep truth.

 

4 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

Maybe I need more practice at it because so far it hasn't been working.

 

 

Are you doing the threatening stare-down while you name the negative feelings? Sometimes bracing our feet, squaring our shoulders, and looking the negative feelings in the eye while we call them what they are, can be necessary. Extremely difficult, but for me personally, that's when it is most necessary.

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Reading Challenge Thread 2022

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scalyfreak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31; Ch 32; Ch 33; Ch 34; Ch 35; Ch 36; Ch 37

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1 minute ago, Scaly Freak said:

Are you doing the threatening stare-down while you name the negative feelings? Sometimes bracing our feet, squaring our shoulders, and looking the negative feelings in the eye while we call them what they are, can be necessary. Extremely difficult, but for me personally, that's when it is most necessary.

Not yet, but I'm adding it to my tool box. For later use. It's a little tooooo difficult right now.

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3 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

Funny you say that, I've started to run that check list in just the past few days! Almost like a "you're only allowed to feel sad after breakfast and a cup of tea" thing. :P It's very useful. This part was definitely much easier when I worked in the office!

 

Another thing, and this is purely  a lockdown thing, is that being comfortable in one's own company is all well and good, but one can have too much of a good thing. Voices in the apartment, like podcasts or background tv or whatever, can be a nice way to get us out of ourselves and and able to think about ourselves more rationally.

 

3 minutes ago, Scaly Freak said:

Are you doing the threatening stare-down while you name the negative feelings? Sometimes bracing our feet, squaring our shoulders, and looking the negative feelings in the eye while we call them what they are, can be necessary. Extremely difficult, but for me personally, that's when it is most necessary.

 

Oh, that's interesting! For me, it helps to be detached, almost scientific about it. Just observing and gathering data on a specimen. If I'm confronting it, it's forcing me into a battle to take it seriously and opens me up to more feelings. It's like giving it power to challenge me. But specimens can be put back on the shelf.

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I felt like I could run forever, like I could smell the wind and feel the grass under my feet, and just run forever.

Current Challenge: #24 - Mrs. Cosmopolite Challenge

Past: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6,  #7#8, #9#10, #11a & #11b, #12, #13, #14, #15, #16, #17, #18, #19, #20, #21, #22, #23

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Catching up!! Kinda. 

 

First off, I would like to very kindly slap the person who asked if art was going to be your thing.  Like, friend, not everything needs to be labeled, and slapped with a "life value" sticker.  Your life has value and the things you spend your time on have value because you are choosing to do them!  Exploring your options has worth. It's exciting you can take this moment and figure out what you want. Most people don't get that until they're past retirement, so you're totally way ahead of the crowd, and you can share your journey for everyone else who looks at their friend and thinks "AM I SUPPOSED TO HAVE A THING? SHIT, WHAT IS MY THING?" Or you can hoard that knowledge to yourself and eat ice cream while they figure it out.  Also, can I have some ice cream too?

 

 You have worth by just being here, and based on the responses, you have worth to others because you are kind, authentic, and a good friend :)  At least, I think you are those things. :) 

 

(turns off megaphone) 

 

It's okay to have bad days. And it's okay not to know what you want right now. And it's okay to not feel okay in these crazy times. I am appreciative that you are here and honest and sharing 💚

 

 

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15 hours ago, sarakingdom said:

 

I often go through a little checklist, like, "Hydration and food both up to date? Okay. Now, how much of you is being caused by physical stress. Are my shoulders tight, is my breathing shallow? Right, now let's have a look and see what you are. Are you a fear, or a shame, or a sadness? What sort of thing are you?"

I like this quite a lot.

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On 1/5/2021 at 9:29 PM, sarakingdom said:

Unless we can make a case for temporary modifications in neurochemistry, or changing the commonly used neural pathways... yeah, I think we've scienced that sufficiently.)

 

Microdosing on... Wintrytreats!

 

On 1/5/2021 at 10:04 PM, sarakingdom said:

Trying to figure out the feels is annoying. (I should clarify, I don't mean, like, commune with your sadness and feel it extra strong. I'm anti reinforcing the mental pathways of badness. But using mindfulness to understand it and what it responds to, where your body holds stress, and so on. Find out what it is. Which... sigh, if you say so, I will. I just can't focus long enough to remember that's what I'm doing.) :P

 

Relatable 😅 I'll start doing that and go on tangents.

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Level ☆ human [uncategorizable]
STR 2 | DEX 3 | CON 3 | STA 3 | WIS 6 | CHA 6

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On 1/5/2021 at 10:37 PM, Scaly Freak said:

Are you doing the threatening stare-down while you name the negative feelings?

 

Haha I do this 🤣 Sometimes I even stand in the mirror staring myself down since the wall isn't as effective as seeing my sad/meh self and willing myself to better my posture and breathing... :)

 

Level ☆ human [uncategorizable]
STR 2 | DEX 3 | CON 3 | STA 3 | WIS 6 | CHA 6

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I have been somewhat distracted by events this week, and didn't notice it had been so long since you were around. Please be around more!

 

(Also, Men at Arms? Feet of Clay?)

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I felt like I could run forever, like I could smell the wind and feel the grass under my feet, and just run forever.

Current Challenge: #24 - Mrs. Cosmopolite Challenge

Past: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6,  #7#8, #9#10, #11a & #11b, #12, #13, #14, #15, #16, #17, #18, #19, #20, #21, #22, #23

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On 1/5/2021 at 2:43 PM, Mad Hatter said:

Not yet, but I'm adding it to my tool box. For later use. It's a little tooooo difficult right now.

 

Still difficult? Still too much distraction for focus?

 

That's okay. We'll be here when you return. :) 

  • Like 1

Reading Challenge Thread 2022

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scalyfreak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31; Ch 32; Ch 33; Ch 34; Ch 35; Ch 36; Ch 37

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Do I need to pour a cup of Klatchian coffee down your throat? I'm not sure I totally understand the dosing, but I'm willing to try.

 

black coffee GIF

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I felt like I could run forever, like I could smell the wind and feel the grass under my feet, and just run forever.

Current Challenge: #24 - Mrs. Cosmopolite Challenge

Past: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6,  #7#8, #9#10, #11a & #11b, #12, #13, #14, #15, #16, #17, #18, #19, #20, #21, #22, #23

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Gosh my bed must have turned into a time vortex because I could've sworn I wasn't gone for more than a couple of days. 😳 Sorry about that. 

 

I think it's pretty needless to say that things have been garbage. I've been back at work for five days but I haven't even started a real task yet. 😬

 

On the plus side - I've been trying really hard to do my one self care task and go outside every day, which I've done all days but one! And I'm playing on hard mode here because it's been blizzarding for a few days and there's now more snow in Helsinki than in Lapland! I've also been climbing once (it went terribly) and had dinner and a game of Here to Slay with friends. 🥰 Alas it hasn't been enough to lift me out of the funk and the rest of the time I've literally spent in bed. 🙈 This is getting really stupid, but I'm (really, really) hoping that I'm running out of whatever this is now.

 

On 1/5/2021 at 11:47 PM, sarakingdom said:

Another thing, and this is purely  a lockdown thing, is that being comfortable in one's own company is all well and good, but one can have too much of a good thing. Voices in the apartment, like podcasts or background tv or whatever, can be a nice way to get us out of ourselves and and able to think about ourselves more rationally.

Music has been such a lifesaver! 

 

On 1/6/2021 at 12:43 AM, Snarkyfishguts said:

Catching up!! Kinda. 

 

 

Oh please don't slap my friend however kindly. 😄 It was meant in an entirely positive way and he was just happy and excited for me that I found something I could throw myself into. There's no way he could ever predict I would react funny, and it was probably just bad timing anyway. And yes you may have all the ice cream! 😄

 

❤️

 

On 1/10/2021 at 4:21 AM, mom2sjm said:

I like the one goal to start and then adding in more if you feel like it.  Nice!  That'll keep you in the game :)

 

How's it going so far?  Adding in any new goals or still sticking with the one?

 

Sometimes we gotta set the bar really, really low... But yes, I am still in the game! Thanks for reminder.

 

So far one thing has been right at my limit, but I think I'm going to try two from tomorrow. Plus not pulling more Houdinis. 😛

 

On 1/10/2021 at 3:06 PM, sarakingdom said:

I have been somewhat distracted by events this week, and didn't notice it had been so long since you were around. Please be around more!

 

(Also, Men at Arms? Feet of Clay?)

SORRY! 🙁 Will do better!  

 

Soon! But first I have to go through the pile of library books I've accumulated because I don't think the lockdown return extension will be further extended.

 

On 1/11/2021 at 7:44 PM, Harriet said:

How are all the things?

I don't even know. I think I might have forgotten how to human.

 

On 1/11/2021 at 11:26 PM, Lara said:

Sending hugs just in case they're needed... the office hug GIF by EditingAndLayout

Thank youuuu! Yes they're needed.

 

On 1/11/2021 at 11:55 PM, Snarkyfishguts said:

Cheer Up Hug GIF by Chibird

Yaaay! Thaaaank you.

 

On 1/11/2021 at 11:56 PM, Scaly Freak said:

Still difficult? Still too much distraction for focus?

 

That's okay. We'll be here when you return. :) 

Both. 

 

❤️

 

On 1/12/2021 at 4:35 AM, sarakingdom said:

Do I need to pour a cup of Klatchian coffee down your throat? I'm not sure I totally understand the dosing, but I'm willing to try.

 

black coffee GIF

I am willing to be a test subject. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?

 

On 1/12/2021 at 2:36 PM, Epsilonte said:

a15b866cf6da0d495683bb656c04be27.jpg

 

Might help as well. :) 

Sure I believe you, give it here! 😄

 

20 hours ago, Mike Wazowski said:

Hey Hatter, hope you're doing well!!

Not doing so well but thanks for being here. It helps. 🤗

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