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Mad Hatter tries not to self destruct


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22 hours ago, Athena said:

:D Cool! And so funny! Before mom told me she was pregnant with my sister, I dreamt that she was. At Christmas dinner of 2014 I told her so, and she was shocked and hushed me so my grandparents wouldn't hear and ask what I said. (They seemed not to have noticed.)

 

I cocked my head to the side and then raised my eyebrows and did not ask anything until she was ready to discuss it. 😂

 

Congrats, cool auntie Hatter 😜

Haha that's crazy! 😄

 

Ahhaha cool auntie is way too much pressure. 😛 I've held a baby all of once in my life, when a friend literally shoved his daughter in my lap. I have zero clue on how to interact with children. But I did let my friends know I'm excited for when the kid's old enough to introduce it to crayons. Their flat is filled with so many pristine white canvases... The neat freak husband was not impressed. 🤣

 

22 hours ago, Tobbe said:

I'd do that for if I were closer. No animal planet activities required. I have no problem at all with food that has turned into science experiments.

 

This made me laugh. You're funny 🙂

 

How do you eat tea? 😆

 

That's very sweet. 😄

 

Oh, is it just me taking comfort in predicting all the (other) ways civilization can implode then haha?

 

By putting it in your mouth, chewing and swallowing of course.

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 It's 10 pm and NOW I have a bunch of energy. Thanks body. 😒

 

I finally forced myself to sit down and put some todos and vague plans on paper. "Sitting down" is a very loose term which included:

 

- Reading a book

- Playing with candle wax
- Cutting my hair

- Playing on my phone

- Meditating (i.e. mostly thinking about kung fu panda)

- Hula hooping

 

I don't know what to say. Distraction/procrastination at its finest.

 

I'm sort of dreading "plans" and "goals" and "commitments" right now, as based on years of past experience it means things to fail at again. Yippee. But I guess I need to start trying again, because what else is one supposed to do?

 

Daytime walk     

Other self care      Opened my planner and put stuff down. Roped in friends to do @raptron's exscavaganza with me. 😄 (Yes a bit late but you know, brains.) Did some kitchen tidying. I'm barely even cooking - the kitchen mess is a curse. A CURSE I tell you!

Don’t disappear     

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I find playing with candle wax oddly soothing. 

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1 hour ago, Mad Hatter said:

Ahhaha cool auntie is way too much pressure. 😛 I've held a baby all of once in my life, when a friend literally shoved his daughter in my lap. I have zero clue on how to interact with children. But I did let my friends know I'm excited for when the kid's old enough to introduce it to crayons. Their flat is filled with so many pristine white canvases... The neat freak husband was not impressed. 🤣

 

Hah neat freaks who have children, not sure wether to be highly amused at their expense or sad for the kids :P

But interacting with children is easy, you just.. you know.. like they're people. 

 

4 minutes ago, Elastigirl said:

I find playing with candle wax oddly soothing. 

same! 

 

1 hour ago, Mad Hatter said:

I'm sort of dreading "plans" and "goals" and "commitments" right now, as based on years of past experience it means things to fail at again. Yippee. But I guess I need to start trying again, because what else is one supposed to do?

 

try and try and try again, in an endless loop x) 

 

1 hour ago, Mad Hatter said:

Other self care      Opened my planner and put stuff down. Roped in friends to do @raptron's exscavaganza with me. 😄 (Yes a bit late but you know, brains.) Did some kitchen tidying. I'm barely even cooking - the kitchen mess is a curse. A CURSE I tell you!

 

awesome! I'm working on it too! 

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16 minutes ago, Elastigirl said:

I find playing with candle wax oddly soothing. 

It is very nice and tactile.

 

10 minutes ago, KB Girl said:

Hah neat freaks who have children, not sure wether to be highly amused at their expense or sad for the kids :P

But interacting with children is easy, you just.. you know.. like they're people. 

Highly amused is the answer. 😂

 

All people I know are potty trained. And none of them scream. At leat not in public.

 

10 minutes ago, KB Girl said:

try and try and try again, in an endless loop x) 

Ugggh I'm just so tired of trying with nothing to show for it...

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2 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

 

All people I know are potty trained. And none of them scream. At leat not in public.

Ok- the potty thing has nothing to do with you. And the screaming.. ehh.. I have had literally zero children scream at me, but.. ehh.. how would you deal with an adult that did? 
 

4 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

Ugggh I'm just so tired of trying with nothing to show for it...

I knooow 😩😩 quite willing to bet there are things to show for it, I’m 3000% sure the last couple of years have not been wasted. I know it’s hard to see, acknowledge, think it’s good enough sometimes though. 

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Main Quest: becoming a decent kettlebell lifter and a great coach

Current challenge: KB Girl fixes the batcaves

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2 minutes ago, KB Girl said:

And the screaming.. ehh.. I have had literally zero children scream at me, but.. ehh.. how would you deal with an adult that did? 

 

A few years ago when I was in a job where that occasionally happened, I asked them to stop screaming, and if they didn't I hung up on on them and moved on to the next customer.

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7 minutes ago, KB Girl said:

Ok- the potty thing has nothing to do with you. And the screaming.. ehh.. I have had literally zero children scream at me, but.. ehh.. how would you deal with an adult that did? 
 

I knooow 😩😩 quite willing to bet there are things to show for it, I’m 3000% sure the last couple of years have not been wasted. I know it’s hard to see, acknowledge, think it’s good enough sometimes though. 

Uhhh I'd leave. Good thing it's not my child. 😂

 

I don't know man... Personally I can't see it. I feel like I ripped everything apart and don't even have anything to stand on anymore, and for any n steps I've taken forward I've taken n+5 backward.

 

3 minutes ago, Scaly Freak said:

A few years ago when I was in a job where that occasionally happened, I asked them to stop screaming, and if they didn't I hung up on on them and moved on to the next customer.

I don't believe you can return your child and replace it with a different one. 😆

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12 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Playing with candle wax

I never heard of this. You do candles yourself?

 

13 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Their flat is filled with so many pristine white canvases...

That is going to be fun...

 

10 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

I feel like I ripped everything apart and don't even have anything to stand on anymore, and for any n steps I've taken forward I've taken n+5 backward.

I'm sorry you feel like this. I feel like that sometimes too. But it is not true, and I know you know. You've got skill development skills (how redundant), plenty of brain and body changes that facilitate coming back into any of those skills you practiced. And above anything else, you had plenty of fun.

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9 hours ago, Tobbe said:

This here deserves more recognition. This is great. Just showing up is such a win!

Well it's much easier now that my mood is moving up. :) But thanks, appreciate it!

 

4 minutes ago, Lara said:

I never heard of this. You do candles yourself?

 

That is going to be fun...

 

I'm sorry you feel like this. I feel like that sometimes too. But it is not true, and I know you know. You've got skill development skills (how redundant), plenty of brain and body changes that facilitate coming back into any of those skills you practiced. And above anything else, you had plenty of fun.

No no, just lighting candles and playing with the soft wax. :D 

 

CHAOS! MAYHEM! MUAHAHA! 

 

I guess... I think it's just hard to see the benefits when they're all "hidden" for lack of a better word. Especially when put in the context of a career/existential crisis. :P But it is what it is. The only thing I can do is rebuild.

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2 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

 

I guess... I think it's just hard to see the benefits when they're all "hidden" for lack of a better word. Especially when put in the context of a career/existential crisis. :P But it is what it is. The only thing I can do is rebuild.

Yea boo for that context. You had fun. You made a difference in people’s lives. You gained experience. 
 

13 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

 

I don't know man... Personally I can't see it. I feel like I ripped everything apart and don't even have anything to stand on anymore, and for any n steps I've taken forward I've taken n+5 backward.

If it was an A to Z thing then that might matter, but maybe backwards is exactly where you need to be going. 
 

I’ll stop now before you choke on the positivity. 
 

13 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Uhhh I'd leave. Good thing it's not my child. 😂

Well yes- so you can interact perfectly well with children that are not yours ;) cool aunt it is o/ 

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Main Quest: becoming a decent kettlebell lifter and a great coach

Current challenge: KB Girl fixes the batcaves

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7 hours ago, KB Girl said:

Yea boo for that context. You had fun. You made a difference in people’s lives. You gained experience. 

Booo for that context, but it doesn't make it go away... And yes I did have fun, but I also had a lot of not fun. A lot. And EXP in what? Age? :P 

 

7 hours ago, KB Girl said:

If it was an A to Z thing then that might matter, but maybe backwards is exactly where you need to be going. 
 

I’ll stop now before you choke on the positivity. 

But that's not where I WANT to be going! :D 

 

LOL

 

Sorry. I do appreciate the positivity, I'm just being facetious. And there are a few highlights.

 

7 hours ago, KB Girl said:

Well yes- so you can interact perfectly well with children that are not yours ;) cool aunt it is o/ 

We'll see. :P 

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I meant to try really hard to do something today. But then I ended up violently throwing up last night for no apparent reason. So today was a free pass.

 

Daytime walk      

Other self care      I survived. And I made plans to meet up with a friend who just moved to my hood! He's super introverted (and ahem lazy when it comes to leaving the house) but he's made a new year's resolution of being more social, and since mine is to not disappear this might become a great thing. :D 

Don’t disappear      

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16 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

I meant to try really hard to do something today. But then I ended up violently throwing up last night for no apparent reason. So today was a free pass.

 

Oh, yikes. I hope you're feeling better now!

 

16 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

Daytime walk      

Other self care      I survived. And I made plans to meet up with a friend who just moved to my hood! He's super introverted (and ahem lazy when it comes to leaving the house) but he's made a new year's resolution of being more social, and since mine is to not disappear this might become a great thing. :D 

Don’t disappear      


Yay walk and self care!

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22 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

I meant to try really hard to do something today. But then I ended up violently throwing up last night for no apparent reason. So today was a free pass.

 

 

How vastly unfair. I hope you feel better today?

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Book Riot Challenge 2021

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scaly Freak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30

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6 minutes ago, Harriet said:

Oh, yikes. I hope you're feeling better now!


Yay walk and self care!

1 minute ago, Scaly Freak said:

How vastly unfair. I hope you feel better today?

Thanks! I’m much better now and most of the nausea is gone, though I’m still a little shaky. 🙁
 

Oh and forgot about another self care thing - I booked a therapist appointment for potential long term treatment. I’m still on the fence (partly because of monies and partly because it feels like a gamble and partly because I’m already put off by the process*) but we’ll see. 

*It turns out availability is extremely scarce right now, and even more scarce for English speaking therapists. It makes for very not fun searching. And the websites are all really, really awful. And in Finnish. It just all sucks really.

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On 1/17/2021 at 3:10 PM, Mad Hatter said:

Other self care      Opened my planner and put stuff down. Roped in friends to do @raptron's exscavaganza with me. 😄 (Yes a bit late but you know, brains.) Did some kitchen tidying. I'm barely even cooking - the kitchen mess is a curse. A CURSE I tell you!

!!! Yay yay yay!~ I'm exciting you're playing! 😁😁😁

52 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

 

Other self care      I survived. And I made plans to meet up with a friend who just moved to my hood! He's super introverted (and ahem lazy when it comes to leaving the house) but he's made a new year's resolution of being more social, and since mine is to not disappear this might become a great thing. :D 

PERFECT PAIRING! Ha! 

8 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

Thanks! I’m much better now and most of the nausea is gone, though I’m still a little shaky. 🙁

Aw boo. Good thoughts to get you back to 100%! 

8 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

Oh and forgot about another self care thing - I booked a therapist appointment for potential long term treatment. I’m still on the fence (partly because of monies and partly because it feels like a gamble and partly because I’m already put off by the process*) but we’ll see. 

🤞 it's a good fit. 

Raptron, alot assassin

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2 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Sorry. I do appreciate the positivity, I'm just being facetious. And there are a few highlights.

 

No no I get it, as I was typing even I was thinking- ehh, if someone said that to me I'd just .. argue :)

 

1 hour ago, Mad Hatter said:

*It turns out availability is extremely scarce right now, and even more scarce for English speaking therapists. It makes for very not fun searching. And the websites are all really, really awful. And in Finnish. It just all sucks really.

blargh. sad really, when you need help it's not exactly the easiest to go out and get it, so it should be really easy to go out and get it. 

but I hope all your trouble will have been worth it in the end. is it going to cost you a lot? 

 

2 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Other self care      I survived. And I made plans to meet up with a friend who just moved to my hood! He's super introverted (and ahem lazy when it comes to leaving the house) but he's made a new year's resolution of being more social, and since mine is to not disappear this might become a great thing. :D 

 

Sorry you were sick! 

this is a good friend? because that sounds pandemiccy ideal. 

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Main Quest: becoming a decent kettlebell lifter and a great coach

Current challenge: KB Girl fixes the batcaves

my instagram - my gym's instagram

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17 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Other self care      I survived. And I made plans to meet up with a friend who just moved to my hood! He's super introverted (and ahem lazy when it comes to leaving the house) but he's made a new year's resolution of being more social, and since mine is to not disappear this might become a great thing. :D 

 

Oh this sounds great, match made in heaven. :D 

 

16 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Oh and forgot about another self care thing - I booked a therapist appointment for potential long term treatment. I’m still on the fence (partly because of monies and partly because it feels like a gamble and partly because I’m already put off by the process*) but we’ll see.

 

Meh for the difficult process, but it's great that you reached out and are trying this therapy. Big step in the right direction. :)

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Oooh yes, a perfect friend pairing in your hood!

 

Sorry to hear about the nausea, and the therapist search - I don't know if I've ever enjoyed reading therapists' websites, but I'm sure it's even worse trying to find someone who speaks a less common language in the area AND is taking new patients (during what I'm pretty sure is one of the highest demand markets for therapy).

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22 hours ago, raptron said:

!!! Yay yay yay!~ I'm exciting you're playing! 😁 😁 😁

PERFECT PAIRING! Ha! 

Aw boo. Good thoughts to get you back to 100%! 

🤞 it's a good fit. 

Thanks! Back to normal now. 😄

 

20 hours ago, KB Girl said:

No no I get it, as I was typing even I was thinking- ehh, if someone said that to me I'd just .. argue :)

 

blargh. sad really, when you need help it's not exactly the easiest to go out and get it, so it should be really easy to go out and get it. 

but I hope all your trouble will have been worth it in the end. is it going to cost you a lot? 

 

Sorry you were sick! 

this is a good friend? because that sounds pandemiccy ideal. 

Haha yep! You know me so well. 😄

 

With my work insurance it was very easy to get the few included sessions. But long term, blehh. The public health insurance reimburses around 55€ for 1-3 years, and the cost of one session starts at 85€... So yeah it adds up quickly. If I knew it'd be helpful I wouldn't mind toooo much, but right now I'm very torn.

 

One of my faves! 🤗

 

6 hours ago, Epsilonte said:

Oh this sounds great, match made in heaven. :D 

 

Meh for the difficult process, but it's great that you reached out and are trying this therapy. Big step in the right direction. :)

Uggh I guess. I don't even know if it's the right direction. 

 

1 hour ago, Mike Wazowski said:

Oooh yes, a perfect friend pairing in your hood!

 

Sorry to hear about the nausea, and the therapist search - I don't know if I've ever enjoyed reading therapists' websites, but I'm sure it's even worse trying to find someone who speaks a less common language in the area AND is taking new patients (during what I'm pretty sure is one of the highest demand markets for therapy).

Yeah!

 

It's terrible. On top of that all private websites look like they're made in the 90's and of course none are translated and google translate makes it into glorified gibberish. You'd think it could at least translate the same word consistently but nope. 

 

Uggh sorry about the rants. 😅  But they really do make it difficult. I'm in a pretty functional state right now, but I'm thinking of all the people who are severely impaired or can't afford treatment. Psychiatric treatments are even more expensive (much more!) and I don't think there are additional reimbursements for those. Not impressed.

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I failed to do anything again. I don't even know why, I spent most of the day being restless and bored because of (not doing) work and then I just don't know. 🤷‍♀️

 

So because of this therapy thing I fell down the YT rabbit hole for "research", as one does, (I blame you @Scaly Freak you started it with Cinema Therapy!) and this video randomly came up and it's the most hilarious thing I've watched in a whiiiile. I felt surprisingly called out.

 

 

For reference I got 158 points*. Plus 500 points because I got over 100 points and I still don't think I have ADHD**. And a squirrel!

 

*Plus some more because I got distracted. And I only counted "do you have the number to cancel your credit card on speed dial" as 1, but it could have been 1 + 8 + 0 + 0. Or 1800. 🙈

**This is how normal people function right?

 

Daytime walk       

Other self care       I made soup!

Don’t disappear       

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8 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

So because of this therapy thing I fell down the YT rabbit hole for "research", as one does, (I blame you @Scaly Freak you started it with Cinema Therapy!)

 

Oh, I didn't start that one. That was all @Tanktimus the Encourager's fault!

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Book Riot Challenge 2021

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scaly Freak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30

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