RisenPhoenix Tries to be Normal

[RisenPhoenix]

Hi, I'm RisenPhoenix.

 

I'm going to try and be normal here (*snort*) , in an attempt to be somewhat accessible to people who might drop into my thread now that we have merged the guilds.  I've been around the block here in some form or another since 2012, so I've gotten lax with how I do challenges.  For me, this challenge is definitely about becoming more Normal.  Or at least MY normal.  Which besides 2020 being 2020 I also mostly had upended in the tail end of the last year after almost nearly keeping it together.  Almost very nearly practically together.  So, here's to getting back on the normal horse that's probably some giant antlered zebra bear but whatever, it's my horse deal with it.

 

1) Normal Diet: Paleo-leaning calorie counting

 

My diet is normally pretty paleo-leaning, but the holidays and some quarantine baking turned it a bit carb heavy.  Not that it's a BAD thing, but it's hard to quantify my baking sometimes, which makes my consumption hard to track.  Ultimately I do best on a higher fat diet with counting my calories.  I'm going a slightly lower energy counting method which ignores all my veggies - they aren't calorically dense enough to make the hassle of putting them all in worth it.  Slightly will underestimate my carb counts and what not, but that's fine.  I'm looking to get into a calorie deficit again more than anything.

 

Since I went to the doctor today, we'll use their clothed, mid morning weigh in that I tried to avoid as the start point: 222 pounds (which is still lower than I was in January 2020 so I'm counting it as a win).  Goal is to get back down to closer 200-ish.  At the very least to fitting easier into my jeans again.  Calories logged should be net 2200 calories or less, when accounting for physical activity.  But really I have enough glycogen stores right now that I should be able to fuel quite a few workouts before I need to feed myself more.

 

2) Normal Body: PT Exercises as dictated, 1 yoga class a week, 1 aikido class a week

 

Part of my derailment at the end of last year was screwing up my back after doing a crappy deadlift pull.  And then not paying attention to it as much as I should.  And then having a mental breakdown where I tried to do a workout to help with the mental health because I felt physically better-ish but learned shortly thereafter that I am impatient as everything seized up on me.  A doctor's appointment today got me a referral for PT and a bottle of muscle relaxers.  So I need to 1) set up that appointment, 2) do the damn exercises, 3) I should really work on doing weekly yoga that I pay for and the aikido I don't need to pay for but do anyway.  Start small and make sure the last two things don't interfere with the PT things.

 

3) Normal Brain: Self care Journaling, reading/tech disconnect 1/day

 

I am perpetually an anxious mess, but the last year did enjoy ramping it up to 11.  After a breakdown I had late November, I decided to put myself back on some meds.  A couple weeks in and things are settling in well it seems, but I've also been on vacation for two weeks, so the rest test of work and life really hasn't taken root yet.  In addition to drugs I finally got my butt to therapy and it's.... a thing.  Not really sure it's giving me much space to benefit from, but we're still relatively early (4 or 5 sessions in).  One thing is that I have used NF for years as a journaling space, which this will probably keep being, but I do want to try and find a guided journal or series of prompts to write for my eyes only in an attempt to not have me self-censor (which I have done before - yes people who've followed me before, that was me censoring myself occasionally).  So I need to find a journal or a list of prompts to use.  Suggestions welcome.

 

I also really need a tech disconnect once a day, even if it's just reading for 30 minutes.  My brain works better having that space.  Thankfully I have three books on my kindle in queue, plus two others in hand.  So reading material is abound.  I'm also trying to get my library/study space up and functional (after a year of the room being a junk room I just tossed things into), which will include a space to do crafts/projects/puzzles/legos.  That'll help.

 

 

That's the gist.  Try to be normal, or at least as normal as I can be.  (New people will quickly see that normal for me is very much a relative scale....)

[bigm141414]

Gist is: Do cool stuff, like kicks and what not

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

It's the same gist it always was; make it up as you go along. 

[sarakingdom]

[RisenPhoenix]

Updated with challenge goals that are blindingly normal.

 

Also @sarakingdom you are allowed to yell at me if my NEXT challenge isn't Avatar themed.

[RisenPhoenix]

8 hours ago, bigm141414 said:

Gist is: Do cool stuff, like kicks and what not

 

The Ex was all Kicky, not me.

 

You are well aware I am more drunken-lock-former-admins-in-pins-on-the-floor.

[sarakingdom]

1 minute ago, RisenPhoenix said:

Also @sarakingdom you are allowed to yell at me if my NEXT challenge isn't Avatar themed.

 

With pleasure. Great pleasure.

 

[RisenPhoenix]

4 minutes ago, sarakingdom said:

 

With pleasure. Great pleasure.

 

 

I figured that would be an easy ask for you  

[RisenPhoenix]

I was going to make an update.

 

But I'm just too pissed and furious at the behavior of Trump supporters and QAnon bullshit to even make an attempt.

 

Pardon me while I go make whiskey pour three a reality.

[RisenPhoenix]

Update: had whiskey and ice cream

 

Calorie count for today is something like 3000 calories. I’d be annoyed but the two prior days were 1600 and 2000. It all balances out eventually. 
 

Back on the horse tomorrow. 

[Amazon Ninja]

On 1/4/2021 at 6:32 PM, RisenPhoenix said:

 

Also @sarakingdom you are allowed to yell at me if my NEXT challenge isn't Avatar themed.

As someone who loves Avatar: GO FOR IT!!

[RisenPhoenix]

1 minute ago, Amazon Ninja said:

As someone who loves Avatar: GO FOR IT!!

The monks have a long, long history of Avatar-themed challenges. More than a few years ago I think we had the entire guild buy in and we all had some Avatar-flavored theme. 😁

[bigm141414]

2 minutes ago, RisenPhoenix said:

The monks have a long, long history of Avatar-themed challenges

 

I am collecting all of my Avatar The Movie gifs for your next challenge.

[miss_marissa]

4 hours ago, RisenPhoenix said:

I was going to make an update.

 

But I'm just too pissed and furious at the behavior of Trump supporters and QAnon bullshit to even make an attempt.

 

Pardon me while I go make whiskey pour three a reality.

I mean.... who is to say what is normal behavior right now. But, yea same.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

2 hours ago, bigm141414 said:

 

I am collecting all of my Avatar The Movie gifs for your next challenge.

[RisenPhoenix]

Today my brain really hasn't wanted to work.  At all.  Partially from The Coup, partially from Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday also dropping massive amounts of Major Work Events on me and dramatically changing my company and job.  On one hand, it's exhausting, but on the other I'm doing substantially better with my anxiety than I would have been a month ago.  Which is fairly solid proof that it was a wise choice to put myself back on my meds.  Even my food consumption yesterday is not the nightmare it would have been, and today it's been fairly easy to not devour All The Things despite having a very low intake.

 

And speaking of wellness, I made several PT appointments.  I have the first one on Monday, with another on Wednesday.  I don't know how frequent they are going to recommend I show up (the nurse practitioner I saw only had three session as the referral so I'm going to have to clarify the process on that), but they schedule multiples ahead of time and then cull from there apparently.  But hopefully that'll work well.  Also yesterday I did yoga, with much side eye from my instructor.  She apparently is doing a low-back class starting in mid to late February and has told me to get my ass to that class.  So I will.  Won't help with this challenge, but it's probably a good follow up to whatever PT I do.

 

The tech disconnect the last few days has been hard (again, Coup), but this morning I let myself sleep and my morning coffee was mostly me sitting and sipping my drink in silence.  I tried to read, but my brain just couldn't process or enjoy the book like it had the day or two before, so I didn't force it.  It'll get back to normal soon, probably.

 

In a positive thing I found a desk that I want for my library/study from ikea, that folds and extends.  It will allow me to have a space in the room to work on project, and also expand if I need more space temporarily, or shrink if I need to have some space for guests.  The color is a natural birch, which doesn't fit in the room, but I can stain it easily enough and I found this site which has pretty much exactly what I wanted to do mapped out.  So once I get the desk I can sand it down and stain the pieces in my basement, and assemble it in the room.  IKEA seems to be currently out of stock, but there was a very fortunate Craigslist ad for the exact one I wanted that was posted yesterday in a town about 30 minutes away from me.  So Im hoping it's not a scam and that I can maybe pick this thing up this weekend.  Once that happens then all I need is some better seating for the room (some comfy-but-firm loveseat is the current plan) and my study should be somewhat complete.

 

So yea.  Eventful few days, and not totally blowing the challenge three days in.  Huzzah!

[RisenPhoenix]

Sigh. 
 

Guys this week. 
 

Just found out I’m getting a new boss tomorrow morning. 
 

Company reorg and my boss is losing me to another guy I’ve been working with a bit over the last few months. While my current boss is a pain in the ass, he and I actually have a great understanding of one another and get along well. Plus I could count on him to help me get to where I wanted to go. He is also upset at losing me, so it’s kind of like multiple people are upset. And likely my VP is not pleased given I’m one of the senior lab people in the department who could help manage this. 
 

Sigh. 
 

This is gonna suck. 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Man, I'm so sorry. I hope that transition works for you, but it still sucks you're having to make it.

[Kishi]

Wow. It would be understating to say you've had a week.

 

[RisenPhoenix]

Goal: Try to have a positive outlook for this week. Try very, very hard.

 

So as you might expect, this weekend I have mostly been a blob of blobbiness.  I bought Hades earlier in the week before everything went sideways, and I have spent many hours trying to escape Hell.  Supergiant Games does a fantastic job of making games that even with their repetition feel fresh every run and exciting, plus I love Darren Korb's soundtracks.  Highly recommend the game, even if you aren't using it as a escape.

 

Food has been relatively solid the last two days, though I have indulged a bit (mostly some small amounts of eggnog in my coffee and some licorice), but mostly have kept to cleaner eating.  Yesterday was about 2000 calories logged, and today is probably going to be 1600-1700.  I inadvertently invited myself to dinner with my downstairs neighbor (she was cooking and I asked if she wanted company while she cooked - plus I get to play with her dog).  She's currently doing Whole30, so dinner was chicken wings with compliant sauce, plus some crazy eggplant-prosciutto-tahini-pomegranate concoction.  It was delicious. Then I helped clean up (since I took her food) and we sat and talked for a bit over tea.  Both of us had rough weeks, so it was a bit of a venting session.  But it was good.

 

I skipped going to aikido this week in favor of sleep and reading and coffee.  I could have gone today (we have an outdoor class that still is meeting), but I just have felt very underwhelmed and not particularly motivated to train that way lately.  I never have been the largest fan of weapons, and given the state of things this is all we can do.  And I'm just..... meh.  Instead I went for a hike that was just under 3.5 miles.  It took a little over an hour.  Given my back issues I didn't wear my weighted ruck, so the pace FEELS slow - it's only a bit faster than I would normally have with the weight.  It shouldn't shock me.  Between the back injury and me being delicate about how I was walking plus the fact I haven't done anything physical really for the last three-plus weeks, it makes perfect sense.

 

Tomorrow is my first PT appointment.  No idea what to expect, or what to bring, so it is probably just a general orientation.  Thankfully my back hasn't been quite as bad lately, but it is still giving a relatively chronically dull ache.  Could be worse, but it certainly isn't normal, and it certainly doesn't like getting stressed.  From there I hope to have a better idea of things I can do to help it.  I may miss yoga this week for work things, but I also have a PT appointment Wednesday, so it should be okay.

 

Also Tuesday I have another therapy appointment.  Prior to last week I would have thought things would be in a holding pattern, but whoops.  I also don't know what to do in therapy at this point.  I feel most of the conversations are me just venting, but also saying thoughts and plans for how to deal with things and being told I'm right and I should do that.  Not sure why I'm paying to be told I'm right this much.  Maybe I should try digging into something else I guess?  Dunno.  Just seems a bit useless, and I don't know if it's because I'm not doing therapy right or if I don't mesh that great with my therapist.  I did try to buy a guided journal this weekend, but none I saw I particularly liked the prompts that I skimmed.  If anyone has a good guided journal let me know - I free journal here enough but some more pointed things that I don't share with the class might be good.

 

Anyway, lots of rambling.  This week is going to be weird at work, since now have two new bosses and a new department I just joined.  Hopefully some more solid plans develop so I can at least focus on something useful and not feel free floating with no direction.

[Everstorm]

Just passing through.  Totally not an alternate phoenix you would recognize from years of Nerd Fitness monkery.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

57 minutes ago, RisenPhoenix said:

Maybe I should try digging into something else I guess?  Dunno.  Just seems a bit useless, and I don't know if it's because I'm not doing therapy right or if I don't mesh that great with my therapist.

Perhaps this would be profitable to dig into. It's totally appropriate in therapy to talk about how you are doing in therapy. I'm glad you got to vent with your neighbor. 

[RisenPhoenix]

On 1/10/2021 at 7:53 PM, Everstorm said:

Just passing through.  Totally not an alternate phoenix you would recognize from years of Nerd Fitness monkery.

 

Holy crap! 

 

Totally no welcomes back since you are clearly a new person and not an alternate phoenix from long ago.

 

On 1/10/2021 at 8:19 PM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Perhaps this would be profitable to dig into. It's totally appropriate in therapy to talk about how you are doing in therapy. I'm glad you got to vent with your neighbor. 

 

True.  Things got even crazier in the last few days so maybe just having a safe venting location is good.  I dunno.

 

------------

 

My Monday morning started off with an email that my company's Chief Science Officer had resigned.

 

So much for remaining postive.

 

Okay, not entirely true.  It doesn't really impact me that much, aside from people trying to figure out what to do now and next steps, and a whole slew of junior members being very shaken.  I'm still trying to keep as positive as possible, but I'm also still feeling out how I feel about the whoe reorg thing, so it's a bit tricky.  But I have been doing my best, and I have been giving apparently rah rah speeches without realizing it.  I actually had a junior scientist (so PhD holder but newer) send me a message saying I'm really good at motivating the troops.  He and I have a meeting to talk about things this afternoon, and I'm trying to balance my cynicism with realism and positive progress, if not out and out rah rah yay us.  I feel that's more productive in the long run.  False positivity never got far with me, which is why motivational speakers almost always fall flat when I listen to them.

 

On my end, it's hard to know how to feel with the reorg because the group that was formed was new and still doesn't have an exact goal or plan behind it.  This isn't a team that I was thrown into with a specific task and it's currently just me and my New New Boss (NNB?) for now.  We did just hire another scientist, but he won't start for another few weeks.

 

So that's been a fun addition to the crazies in the last few days.

 

 

 

Challenge wise, I had the first PT appointment yesterday afternoon.  In predictable form, my back was behaving, so I had shocking my mobility than I have had for a while.  Great in general, but also terrible when you're trying to get a professional to figure out what is wrong with you.  For the most part we did some spinal traction, as well as pelvic tilts and glute bridges.  The general idea is needing to strengthen the back / core to help support the muscles, and also try to make it so my baseline of apparently  spinal extension less prevalent. So build that up and go from there.  Since I told the PT the injury was from weightlifting and I'd like to get back to it he is making everything lifting related, which I appreciate.  I need to do the tilts and bridges every day, and plan on doing that.  Right now it shouldn't be too terrible of a regimen.

 

Food wise, yesterday was a bit wonky.  I was going to do some batch cooking, but with the travel for PT, I opted to also run a few other errands.  I bought an IKEA desk off craigslist, and figured that while I was out I'd go pick it up since the seller said he would be around.  And after I did that I realized I wasn't far from AgentsSka's place, and he had been holding onto some beer for me from a weekend trip he and the ladyfriend went on.  So I swung by his place to grab that and also a venting beer.  I ended up staying for dinner and a bit later, with dinner being soup and fresh baked bread and a few more beers.  Ideal for calories?  No.  Ideal for friendship? Yes.  No regrets besides being slightly tired when I got home.

 

This morning I slept in again, which is starting to become a dangerous habit.  I slept well, but also I went to be mostly on time.  I slept mostly through the night from 10:30-7:30.  I seem to be averaging closer to 9 hours of sleep these days, and I don't know if its a side effect of medicine, apathy, injury, or literal exhaustion.  I'm trying to figure that out and I'll go from there.

 

Alrighty.  Time for a meeting where I get to be a cheerleader.

[bigm141414]

7 minutes ago, RisenPhoenix said:

Alrighty.  Time for a meeting where I get to be a cheerleader.

 

 

[Everstorm]

Sounds to me like an encouraging PT session and friends with beer were just what the doctor ordered with all the stressful others events.  Food can wait a day.