cn3wton - better late than never...

[cn3wton]

Hi everybody. Its been a long time. I have a long history here on Nerd Fitness. Years ago when I joined I was striving and achieved the best level of health I had ever had.

 

And some of my fall from this has been documented here, though sparsely, as well.

 

Capturing the drive to come back and get myself back on the proper path has seemed nigh impossible. I used to love doing the challenges and have decided that, despite being late to the party, its better to start  late than the never start at all. With some very simple goals to set myself up for success.

 

GOAL # 1

Move intentionally for a minimum of 15 minutes every day.

 

Very simple. Get off my butt, and do some form of exercise with intention. I have been doing some yoga, some bodyweight work, even some short martial arts routines (thanks Dragon Ball Super for the inspiration!). The goal is to keep doing this every day. I don't have to kill myself. But I need to intentionally take this time from my day and use it to push myself forward.

 

GOAL # 2

Cook an increasing amount of meals at home.

 

Again very simple. Im going to start with 1 meal this week, so at least 2 meals next week. This may sound strange to you all. But my "Kitchen" is not my favorite place to work in right now. I love to cook, but the stove and kitchen area in my apartment is incredibly small and not conducive to how I like to cook. (All the bowls, dishes, plates, and cutting boards please). 

 

GOAL # 3

Get a new Doctor and go in for a visit.

 

This needs to be done for 3 reasons. Firstly my primary has moved away and I need  a new one. Secondly I developed some serious Acid Reflux issues since shortly after the start of COVID and need this to be addressed. And third and finally is probably the hardest one to face and admit but I think I may have ADHD. I cover it a bit more in my recent battle log post (which is my go to to post things generally) but I went down the rabbit hole and its not pretty. I'm both optimistic and terrified. 

 

That's about it for now. So lets get this!

[TrashcanCarla]

2 minutes ago, cn3wton said:

Hi everybody. Its been a long time. I have a long history here on Nerd Fitness. Years ago when I joined I was striving and achieved the best level of health I had ever had.

 

And some of my fall from this has been documented here, though sparsely, as well.

 

Capturing the drive to come back and get myself back on the proper path has seemed nigh impossible. I used to love doing the challenges and have decided that, despite being late to the party, its better to start  late than the never start at all. With some very simple goals to set myself up for success.

 

GOAL # 1

Move intentionally for a minimum of 15 minutes every day.

 

GOAL # 2

Cook an increasing amount of meals at home.

 

GOAL # 3

Get a new Doctor and go in for a visit.

 

[...]I think I may have ADHD. I cover it a bit more in my recent battle log post (which is my go to to post things generally) but I went down the rabbit hole and its not pretty. I'm both optimistic and terrified. 

 

That's about it for now. So lets get this!

 

Hey! Welcome. I just happened to log on a minute after you posted to find my own thread to update, and saw your great challenge.

I really like your intentionally incremental steps approach to building your new habits.

 

May I ask why you are terrified about possibly having ADHD? Perhaps that is too personal. Let me just say that I understand that acknowledgment of perceived impairments can be difficult in several different impactful ways. Virtual hugs to you. And yes - go get this!

[cn3wton]

1 minute ago, TrashcanCarla said:

 

Hey! Welcome. I just happened to log on a minute after you posted to find my own thread to update, and saw your great challenge.

I really like your intentionally incremental steps approach to building your new habits.

 

May I ask why you are terrified about possibly having ADHD? Perhaps that is too personal. Let me just say that I understand that acknowledgment of perceived impairments can be difficult in several different impactful ways. Virtual hugs to you. And yes - go get this!

 

I wouldn't say its too personal, or maybe it is and it doesn't bother me. So I will happily answer.

 

It's rather quite complicated. I have struggled with motivation my entire life. And though this makes me sound full of myself I have always managed due to intelligence. Last minute essays getting A+'s in school, even now where I can tidy up projects at work in minutes and thus stalling at work. But even outside of work I find motivation increasingly harder and harder to come buy. Even when I was on this forum for the first time I was forcing myself to do things. It was just easier because I was healthy and the competition in the gym kept me motivated.

 

I've always just been worried, and told, that I am lazy. Told by my parents who are amazing people but don't understand it.

 

So if I do really have ADHD it will offer me some answers. If I don't what do I do?

 

I go into a ton of examples in my battle log that stand out as things that tie into a lot of signs of ADHD. And I'm not afraid to admit that I took a test online and I checked nearly all of the boxes (which is not good).

 

I've always been wary of prescription medication and its side effects. Specifically dependence. But I'm at the point where I need to have the discussion with a doctor.

 

I hope that answers the question!

[cn3wton]

Well I scheduled an appointment with a new primary. However they are booked out until February 25th.

 

I am pursuing other options but at least something is on the books.

[TrashcanCarla]

2 hours ago, cn3wton said:

I've always just been worried, and told, that I am lazy. Told by my parents who are amazing people but don't understand it.

 

So if I do really have ADHD it will offer me some answers. If I don't what do I do?

I will certainly will check out your battle logs when I get a chance.

 

I understand what it's like to get passes for being smart and creative. I am a major procrastinator,  or at least, I have been until the past few months. I was able to get through high school, college and beyond by working in big bursts of productivity and getting my work done at the last possible moment.

 

Maybe you have ADHD. Maybe you don't. If you do, must you be medicated? Is it too late for you to build habits that would make you less "lazy"? Just food for thought.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Do you struggle with perfectionism? I know I do and that led to a lot of my lazy over the years. Not saying you don't have ADHD, just that perfectionism might be a piece of the puzzle.

[cn3wton]

18 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Do you struggle with perfectionism? I know I do and that led to a lot of my lazy over the years. Not saying you don't have ADHD, just that perfectionism might be a piece of the puzzle.

 

Perhaps. I'm not holding anything out. I just know that I need someone in a professional field to help me figure all this out because its definitely starting to impact my life in a major way. It always has I guess.

[cn3wton]

So I recently got into Dragon Ball Super.

 

I poked fun at my friend and business partner for a long time about it. After never watching it myself just casting judgement on it with no frame of reference. This is not the kind of person I am. I always say to never judge anyones hobbies and interests, and to never judge anything without real hands on experience yourself.

 

So during my last Quarantine I binged it. And I like a lot about it. There are classic Anime style tropes/parts that I don't enjoy. But I can seperate the good from the bad. But it is funny to me that I got a big inspirational moment from it. I would argue that Goku would never have gotten as strong as he is without Vegeta.

 

For anyone whose a fan of the Dragon Ball universe, this statement is obvious Vegeta. He always chases Goke (Kakarat) and wont be undone in strength. But I truly believe that it works the other way as well.

 

And it got me thinking about my own life and fitness journey. And I remembered that when I was in the best shape of my life I also had rivals whom I considered friends in the gym that I competed against. Wether it was for one more rep, a quicker time, or a heavier weight. 

 

So maybe that is something I am missing right now? So I called up a friend I met through the mens only book club I started and asked him if he would be my Vegeta. Well not exactly like that but you get the point. He agreed! We have set up a system. Every day we can earn a maximum of 100 points (those who used to participate in the Warhammer games on here might remember this). These are earned by various body weight exercises. Points are awarded on a mixture of difficulty and reps so its fair. Every week we will have a call discussing the week prior and compare totals. At the end of the month the loser buys a gift card for the winner for a nice dinner at a place of the winners choosing.

 

I am looking forward to jumping into this, and will keep a log of what I do on the battle log to kind of track myself. 

 

PS expect a bit of a revamp in my theme as I'm probably gonna transition to a DBS theme. LOL

[RES]

Welcome back! I've missed seeing you around these parts.

 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

7 hours ago, cn3wton said:

So maybe that is something I am missing right now? So I called up a friend I met through the mens only book club I started and asked him if he would be my Vegeta. Well not exactly like that but you get the point. He agreed! We have set up a system. Every day we can earn a maximum of 100 points (those who used to participate in the Warhammer games on here might remember this). These are earned by various body weight exercises. Points are awarded on a mixture of difficulty and reps so its fair. Every week we will have a call discussing the week prior and compare totals. At the end of the month the loser buys a gift card for the winner for a nice dinner at a place of the winners choosing.

Did you tell the friend how you used to cast terror into the hearts of all those who played Nerdhammer? As I recall I was only able to fight you to a draw by going suicidal and throwing all my resources into one square and taking you on with everything I had.

[Renate]

On 1/14/2021 at 5:28 PM, cn3wton said:

I used to love doing the challenges and have decided that, despite being late to the party, its better to start  late than the never start at all.

 

Truer truths have never been trued.

 

Welcome back. Hope you develop your appetite for challenges back soon, or in any case find a system that gets you back on your feet / on the path you want to be.

 

(Awesome about the Vegeta-ish friend accountability system!)

[WhiteGhost]

So great to see you around again!

[cn3wton]

On 1/15/2021 at 7:50 PM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Did you tell the friend how you used to cast terror into the hearts of all those who played Nerdhammer? As I recall I was only able to fight you to a draw by going suicidal and throwing all my resources into one square and taking you on with everything I had.

 

Those where the days! Every spare minute I had went into exercises to bulk up my forces. I remember getting weird looks when I did push ups and squats on breaks at work.

 

On 1/16/2021 at 1:48 AM, Athena said:

 

Truer truths have never been trued.

 

Welcome back. Hope you develop your appetite for challenges back soon, or in any case find a system that gets you back on your feet / on the path you want to be.

 

(Awesome about the Vegeta-ish friend accountability system!)

 

Thanks so much!

 

On 1/16/2021 at 2:30 AM, WhiteGhost said:

So great to see you around again!

 

Thanks!

[cn3wton]

PROGRESS - Week 1

While I joined in late for the week I am going to do Monday re caps, or at least this monday recap. We will see what I am feeling when I get into it after a week or two. All in all feeling good and getting things sorted. The big thing is going to be getting my health sorted out so its easier to stay motivated and keep pushing forward. For some reason I have found it easier to acknowledge when I am feeling burnt out, tired, aka lazy and consciously giving myself a second then pushing through. My business partner and I had a long discussion about this stuff and whenever something starts creeping up (Like me wanting to rush to get something done) we take a second and acknowledge it and move on. He's a lot like me so I am happy we are discussing these things as it helps to keep both of us on track! 

 

After getting home from work Friday night we worked at our own business until 2am! Not something that will become common, but we needed to get our machines up and operational and it had to be done that day. So we did it. Taking breaks when needed and choosing to do things right instead of rushing or settling for less. At around 12-1am one of the printers would not level and was giving me tons of problems. My business partner mentioned moving forward with the others and I insisted that we had to get everything done. I took a short break and acknowledged that I was rushing steps in the leveling process and it was just causing me more issues. Then started the whole process over again. At the end everything was ready to go and we had 10 printers and an industrial laser working away. Tired but worth it.

 

For those who don't know I stream, well streamed and plan on returning to streaming in the next few months or so. It was always a lifetime goal of mine to make money playing games. Right before COVID happened I siezed the opportunity. I reached affiliate and got my first check for playing and streaming games. Bucket list item complete. I continued it as a hobby for some months, but when the Kickstarter went live for my business I put it on hold. And now in the swing of production every spare minute goes to that. But I intend to return to streaming in a more creative/maker space. I have some model kits that I want to modify and repaint. Do some traditional drawing and painting, and maybe even some woodworking. I am going to renovate my grandfathers garage when the house sale goes through to make it my space and I am extremely excited. Just waiting on powers outside of my control for everything to come together and for the sale to finalize.

 

Anyways on to the goals!

 

GOAL # 1

Move intentionally for a minimum of 15 minutes every day.

 

I set up a mini challenge with a friend. Every day we can earn points, the points accumulate and whoever has the least at the end of the month has to buy the other dinner (or in this case a gift card to their requested place since COVID). We are going to speak on the phone at least once a week, with the check in day being Thursdays. We started this past Thursday and I'm sorry to report that I did not sprint out of the gate. I did nothing Thursday or Friday, but earned full points on the weekend. But that's ok, I like a challenge! He better be perfect the rest of the month or that meal is mine!

 

Luckily this will also count towards my goal on here! Its all bodyweight type exercises so I've been doing a bit of shadowboxing/kicks. With the kicks being more of a stretching thing at the moment as I want them to get used to it before I hurt myself. But jab jab jab knee/kick gets me breathing hard and the blood pumping and that's what matters right now.

 

GOAL # 2

Cook an increasing amount of meals at home.

 

So theoretically I cooked at home. It wasn't the best meal (pasta) but I did it. Since it was a short week I will call it a win. But I want to get back into making the chicken and veggie dishes like I used to. I also made the conscious decision to eat healthier while eating out over the weekend with a steak and veggie dish so its moving in the right direction!

 

 

GOAL # 3

Get a new Doctor and go in for a visit.

 

While it may seem like and easy challenge, writing this challenge down really pushed me to make some calls (the day I posted this) and get myself in to a new primary care. Sadly late February is the earliest I can get in, but I believe I can handle the acid reflux symptoms as I have been until then. As far as the ADHD talk I will keep pushing myself to have that discussion, but acknowledging the tendencies I have towards typical symptomatic behavior seems to be helping me a ton. I don't excuse myself because of them and use it as an excuse not to do things. But instead I acknowledge what's going on and take steps to push past it. Seems to be working so far!

 

Anyways that was my first short week!

[cn3wton]

So I covered in my battle log in a bit more detail my trip to get food to prep at home. I've got a plan and I think its a good one.

 

I started listening to audio books again on the drive to and from work. With 1.5 hours each way its a missed opportunity. I am ashamed to admit that I have been practicing some bad tendencies while driving due to the length of the commute. But I need to take my safety and those around me more seriously. So audio books it is.

 

Currently listening to "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F***" and am enjoying it so far. 

[TrashcanCarla]

1 hour ago, cn3wton said:

So I covered in my battle log in a bit more detail my trip to get food to prep at home. I've got a plan and I think its a good one.

 

I started listening to audio books again on the drive to and from work. With 1.5 hours each way its a missed opportunity. I am ashamed to admit that I have been practicing some bad tendencies while driving due to the length of the commute. But I need to take my safety and those around me more seriously. So audio books it is.

 

Currently listening to "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F***" and am enjoying it so far. 

 

Yes! I love audiobooks. I'm also big into podcasts. Mostly non-fiction, though. I just like to learn new things via my ears, I guess.

Good on you for having a good plan with the food. I am developing a new one, myself.

[cn3wton]

2 hours ago, TrashcanCarla said:

 

Yes! I love audiobooks. I'm also big into podcasts. Mostly non-fiction, though. I just like to learn new things via my ears, I guess.

Good on you for having a good plan with the food. I am developing a new one, myself.

 

I always preferred physical books. But I think theres a time and place for both!

 

I did my workout at work today. I plan on doing more when I get home but its good to have it completed for the day!

[cn3wton]

Yesterday I did my workout at work. In a place away from everyone on break. More shadowboxing style stuff but it got the blood flowing. So that was good.

 

Last night I made the chicken in a pan meal. Heres a simplified recipe.

 

Preheat oven to 450

Place 2 skinless chicken tenders in pan

Place 2 boneless skinless chicken thighs in pan

Pour 1/4 cup of italian dressing over chicken

Cut up 1/4 of bell pepper and place in pan

Cut up 1 long hot and place in pan

Cut up 1 jalepeno and place in pan

Peal and cut 1/4 of an onion and place in pan

Drain then pour 1 can of diced tomatoes with chiles on top

 

Bake for 20-25 minutes

 

Take pan out of oven. Cut up chicken (to ensure it cooked all the way through) 

Mix everything together thoroughly

Place 2-4 slices of cheese on top

Place back in oven until cheese is melted

 

Pull pan out of oven, drain excess liquid, and serve hot.

 

Obviously you can skip the spicy peppers if they arent your style. I used some hot sauce with it as well but it was pretty delicous. 20-25 minutes isnt enough for the tomatoes to boil down, but I might try fresh cut tomatoes later.

 

All in all it took about 5 minutes of prep and then I set a timer and forgot about it. Just the kind of meal option I am looking for at the moment. I am going to be building more meals based off this square small cake pan to add to my list of tricks. I have some ribs in the fridge right now that may be my next attempt.

 

All in all a good day yesterday on to today!

[Elastigirl]

Yum, that sounds good and easy!

[deftona]

Welcome back to the forums! 

 

On 1/19/2021 at 7:07 PM, cn3wton said:

 

I always preferred physical books. But I think theres a time and place for both!

 

I resisted audiobooks for ages because it just felt wrong. And, it still feels wrong and like I am cheating on real books when I do it, but they do definitely have merit. 

[cn3wton]

2 hours ago, Elastigirl said:

Yum, that sounds good and easy!

 

Yes if I can't make it easy and have it taste good I end up not going through with it. This managed to hit both just like I had hoped!

 

12 minutes ago, deftona said:

Welcome back to the forums! 

 

 

I resisted audiobooks for ages because it just felt wrong. And, it still feels wrong and like I am cheating on real books when I do it, but they do definitely have merit. 

 

thanks! And yes I hope physical books forgive me...

[cn3wton]

Last night was pretty sobering.

 

I want to start with the positives though. I did very well yesterday food wise. I have decided that for now a unsweet tea and a plain bagel with butter isn't going to kill me for breakfast. Often in recent past I have changed to fast and it never lasts. (Sorry I couldn't resist). Throughout the day I snacked on almonds, a banana, and an apple. I definitely have to figure out a solution for water going forward. Then on the way home I stopped and grabbed another rotisserie chicken. Ate some of that then threw the rest in the fridge. Also had some green olives and tried making green beans from a can. I put some seasoning on them that I later regretted because it was too strong. The beans themselves come out of the microwave pretty much tasteless. I  will give them another few tries before I decide whether or not they are for me.

 

Went to work at my own business. Still getting problems sorted with the printers and pushing things along. I'm hoping the time comes soon where troubleshooting isn't an everyday occurrence.

 

I returned home to prepare for bed and decided to weigh myself. I haven't gotten on the scale in the last few months. This was a sobering moment. While I had no presumptions that 2-3 days of healthy eating with 10-15 minutes of intentional exercise  was going to cause a drastic shift, I had expected to be at around the same weight I was previously. Clothes still fit the same.

 

Well the scale read 351.4 lbs that's nearly 160kg for those across the pond. My head swam and I sat down. The heaviest I have ever been I could feel disappointment creeping into the back of my mind. It answers many questions of course regarding some aspects of my life, but these answers don't come with joy. I sat there on the bed for a second thinking about everything. I started entering the same feedback loop that always happens at moments like these. "How could you let it get so bad." "The doctor said you where surprisingly healthy." "But that was a year ago" "Is that pain your chest something?" "Is there a bigger reason why I'm out of breath all the time?"

 

After laying in the dark on my bed for too long cycling through these thoughts my dog came over and licked my face. I smiled and pet him. Rubbing just before his ears which he always likes. And I said out loud "Ok, what's another 15 to 20 pounds change." The answer? Nothing. I still have to lose weight, a considerable amount. The need is still there. It wouldn't matter if I was 300 pounds. I can do scary math where I take my previous healthy weight from years ago and compare it to my current. But what good would that do? 

 

I thought back to the book "The subtle art of not giving a F***". I had been in a feedback loop. Allowed myself to stay in it for far too long. I have to accept the hard truths and the shitty aspects. So here it goes.

 

I have allowed myself to reach this point.

I turn a blind eye to mental and emotional issues in my life because I think that makes me weak.

I take false pride in things that make me feel bad to make me feel good.

There isn't going to be some magic moment that turns things around FOR me.

I lie to myself and others to avoid the truth.

I put my past me on a pedestal which cripples present me.

 

This is all extremely hard to share and makes me genuinely uncomfortable. But good. I need to focus and accept the difficulties I need to to reach a better place. I'm not going to sugar coat the path ahead. I am going to be hungry. I am going to want to quit. At the end of the day there is nothing different about this time versus all the other times. I can't sit around hoping that "This time will be different".

 

I can't sit here and say it "will be different". I can't possibly know that. And the truth is, it probably will be exactly the same in most ways. 

 

This may all sound like a defeatist attitude. But the truth can't be farther from that. I know what I know. I am going to continue to eat at home and prepare better meals. Some aren't going to taste that great. I am going to go out to eat and eat slightly worse options. Some days and nights I may be hungry and have to deal with it. I am going to miss workouts, I am also going to push myself to do more.

 

I am not perfect, but I will make progress.

[deftona]

1 hour ago, cn3wton said:

I am not perfect, but I will make progress.

 

All of this. 

 

You took a big step being so honest and laying it all out there, that was really brave and it shows you have what it takes to actually do this. I'm similar in that I lost a lot of weight and I've slowly gained a lot of it back and it's soul destroying but I tell myself it is what it is. It's not the same weight as I lost before, it's new, different weight and I did it before I can do it again and I'm going to say the same to you too. You'll have good days and bad days but keep plugging away at it and you'll get there. 

 

Let's do this! 

[cn3wton]

2 minutes ago, deftona said:

 

All of this. 

 

You took a big step being so honest and laying it all out there, that was really brave and it shows you have what it takes to actually do this. I'm similar in that I lost a lot of weight and I've slowly gained a lot of it back and it's soul destroying but I tell myself it is what it is. It's not the same weight as I lost before, it's new, different weight and I did it before I can do it again and I'm going to say the same to you too. You'll have good days and bad days but keep plugging away at it and you'll get there. 

 

Let's do this! 

 

Hell yea,

 

I especially like the idea that its not the same weight, its different weight. For some reason that is really resonating with me right now! Thanks for that.

[Shello]

Scales really are dicks.  You are absolutely right in that it doesn't change anything.  You are back here, you've set goals and made some great plans, and you are making progress.  You're already doing all the right things to get where you want to be.   All you have to do is take it one day at a time and do your best.  

 

As for the ADHD I have a few bits to share.  My son has ADHD and he is on medication.  He is not on any of the scheduled drugs that are addictive or have long term health ramifications.  So IF you have ADHD, and IF you need medication, there are lots of different options.  And there are a lot of tools to use that are not medication.  My brother was diagnosed as ADD as an adult and did decide to medicate (he had other mental health issues as well and they are treated as a package deal). But he has said finally being diagnosed and being able to manage it with medication has had a huge positive impact on his life.  He still struggles with it but has come to understand it more and himself more and can harness it better.  Just food for thought.