RhiaWolfe and the Triforce of Wisdom

[RhiaWolfe]

So, I'm doing yet another respawn. Luckily I have unlimited lives in this fitness video game, so I can respawn as many times as I want. 

 

This time instead of doing the same thing over and over again and continuing to fail over and over again, I'm going to use the Triforce of Wisdom and take another approach. 

 

 

Last challenge I tried to drink more water and walk 5 minutes every day. I was plagued by depression, stress, and anxiety and while I did awesome in the beginning, I didn't finish strong. So this time I'm going to aim to do what I know I can do. I've done this a few times in the past. I'm going to stop drinking soda. I'm going to lower my intake by increments over time. So, I will start the first week by drinking only 3 sodas a day. When I successfully do this 6 out of 7 times a week, I will go down to 2 sodas a day. When I do that 6-7 times a week, I'll drop down to 1 soda a day. Then maybe a soda every other day... until I get to the point where I'm not drinking any. I get a LOT of sugar and a LOT of calories from the soda I drink. Time to drop those empty calories!!!!

 

Goal 1 - Drink < 3 sodas a day. 

 

Next is the goal to combat my depression and self confidence issues. I'm going to try and improve my mental health here. My second goal is to list 1 positive thing about myself every day. I have trouble seeing the good because of my head telling me all the bad. I'm going to type out a positive affirmation every day to try and keep the depression demons at bay. 

 

Goal 2 - Positive Affirmations 1 per day. 

 

So, there you have it. This is going to be my challenge for the month. Simple, but doable. It's going to be hard to give up soda, but I need to do it. It's a good step forward. Let's do this! 

 

[RhiaWolfe]

Week 0 Update: 2/9/2021

 

It is cooooooold!!!!!

 

 

 

I could never live up north. I hate the cold... much prefer the heat. Today it is 18 degrees Fahrenheit, -7 degrees Celsius. One of the NF Rebels I was talking to yesterday (my friend and accountabilibuddy, Fonzico) who lives in Canada said it was -60 degrees Fahrenheit where she was!!!! Holy crap! I couldn't handle that... 

 

My stomach is also giving me trouble. I've been feeling pretty bloated since yesterday evening. Taking some medication to try and calm my stomach down. It's very distracting and makes it hard to concentrate. Meh. 

 

Last night I was pretty tired when I got home. I made it home safe with no trouble driving on the icy roads. They really weren't too bad. This morning they're not bad at all. Anyways, I was tired. I heated up a bowl of leftover chili and decided to watch some old Gabriel Iglesias comedy specials. I got a shower and went to bed. Not a very exciting day. 

 

Affirmation: I am brave. When I see something that I am afraid of, I try to face it head on. If I feel anxious about talking to someone and I know it's someone I need to talk to, I will force myself into that conversation and push through. If I feel afraid of going somewhere due to the height, I will make myself go up there and confront it (as long as it's safe). My therapist says that she thinks it was brave of me to pursue a Master's degree while working full time. I never really saw that as something 'brave' as it was just something I wanted to do, but I suppose that qualifies in a way. When my friends are anxious or afraid to do something, I will be happy to step in and either take care of it or encourage them. I think it stems from when I was young, I was afraid of everything. I finally got tired of being afraid of everything and feeling anxious all the time. Now there's not a lot that I am actually afraid of. The one exception is the dentist. I have a dentist-phobia and I can't seem to shake it. It's an involuntary anxiety reaction. Maybe someday I'll figure that one out. 

 

 

Challenge Details 2/8/2021: 

 

Drink < 3 sodas a day - 1/7 Success!!!!

I had one 12 oz soda with breakfast, one 12 oz soda with lunch, and one 12 oz soda with dinner. 

 

1 Positive affirmation/day - 1/7 Pending...

So, technically I should have put an affirmation in my post yesterday and I didn't, so this one doesn't count. I didn't do an affirmation outside of NF either. I took care of that in today's post for tomorrow's update. 

[Wild Wolf]

2 minutes ago, RhiaWolfe said:

I finally got tired of being afraid of everything and feeling anxious all the time.

You got this, Rhia!! I think you have some smart goals here without overloading yourself and know that you can conquer this challenge with all the success! Following

 

Wolf

[RhiaWolfe]

1 hour ago, Wild Wolf said:

You got this, Rhia!! I think you have some smart goals here without overloading yourself and know that you can conquer this challenge with all the success! Following

 

Wolf

 

Thank you for the support, Wolf-brother!!!! I really think I can manage this, and I'm very determined this time to make it work! Let's do this!!!! 

[Teros]

On 2/9/2021 at 8:21 AM, RhiaWolfe said:

My therapist says that she thinks it was brave of me to pursue a Master's degree while working full time. I never really saw that as something 'brave' as it was just something I wanted to do, but I suppose that qualifies in a way.

 

Similar thing.  I tend to not think of things as me being brave: just that it is something I want/need to do.  But when you take into account how many people wouldn't complete it, and then how many people wouldn't get through half of it, and then how many people wouldn't even start: it more and more impressive.

 

I remember when I posted on here with how after 4 hours of trying a spartan race and failing, I felt like I let everyone on NF down.  But when people were supportive and started breaking it down like I just wrote above, there are more people who *don't* than people who *do*.

[RhiaWolfe]

1 hour ago, Teros said:

 

Similar thing.  I tend to not think of things as me being brave: just that it is something I want/need to do.  But when you take into account how many people wouldn't complete it, and then how many people wouldn't get through half of it, and then how many people wouldn't even start: it more and more impressive.

 

I remember when I posted on here with how after 4 hours of trying a spartan race and failing, I felt like I let everyone on NF down.  But when people were supportive and started breaking it down like I just wrote above, there are more people who *don't* than people who *do*.

 

Hey Teros! How's it going, friend?

 

Yeah, I guess that's true. At least I did it. I may not be doing anything with it right now, but I did it. I can say I have a Master's degree and that's not really something to turn my nose up at. 

 

She said another few things that she thought made me brave that I didn't necessarily agree with. It was because those things didn't seem scary or hard for me. It didn't feel like something I had to push myself to do. However, I supposed I did have to overcome some fear at some point in my life to get to the point to be able to do certain things. I used to be really anxious when dealing and talking with people. Now that I've overcome that fear, talking to people doesn't seem that scary anymore. 

 

 

[RhiaWolfe]

Week 0 Update: 2/11/2021

 

So I didn't get to update my challenge yesterday. I stayed home from work due to icy roads. I'm back at work today and this is where I normally update my post. 

 

Yesterday was rough for me. I'm having trouble maintaining energy. I woke up, got up and around, played video games for a while, then got really tired and slept for another 3-4 hours. When I woke up, I debated going back to sleep. I'm not sure why I'm having trouble maintaining energy. I already know I have sleep apnea and I use a CPAP every night. So, I'm going to talk to my psychiatrist next week about possibly taking me off one of my meds and see if that helps. If that doesn't help then I'm going to try and get an appointment with my sleep doctor. I feel chronically tired all the time. It's a little better when I'm at work because I have something to keep my attention and keep me awake, but by midday I feel like I need to sleep. I've fallen asleep at my desk before. Not good. We'll see how that goes. 

 

 

I also had some depression problems too yesterday. Covid and quarantine are really getting to me. I feel so disconnected from family and friends. I feel lucky to be able to go to work and that I have my husband. Some people don't even have that and are even more isolated. It's still difficult though, especially when my husband and I don't really do a lot together these days. I decided to give the video game he's currently playing a shot so that he and I could play together and have more to talk about. 

 

Speaking of which, I've been getting into Guild Wars 2. It's an MMO kinda like World of Warcraft. I played WoW a long time back, but got bored/annoyed with it. It was too easy to level and it was just the same thing over and over again. Coming to Guild Wars 2, there's a little more strategy involved and the leveling system is different. I'm enjoying it so far. I'm not nearly as into it as my husband is, but it's still fun. 

 

I made the mistake last night of watching a pretty f***ed up movie called The Platform on Netflix. It's a horror/psychological thriller. It's pretty messed up. Probably shouldn't have watched it. I had bad dreams all night and kept waking up, so I'm still tired this morning. Ugh. 

 

Positive Affirmation - Loyal: I am loyal to my friends and family. I don't turn my back on them when they need me. I tend to be overly generous actually and have to keep myself in check. If anyone needs help I am there. 

 

 

Challenge Details 2/9/2021: 

 

Drink < 3 sodas a day - 2/7 Success!!!!

I had one 12 oz soda with breakfast, one 12 oz soda with lunch, and one 12 oz soda with dinner. 

 

1 Positive affirmation/day - 2/7 Success!

I put an affirmation on my post, so that counts! 

 

Challenge Details 2/10/2021: 

 

Drink < 3 sodas a day - 3/7 Success!!!!

I had one 12 oz soda with breakfast, one 12 oz soda with lunch, and one 12 oz soda with dinner. 

 

1 Positive affirmation/day - 2/7 Pending...

I didn't update my post, so I didn't post an affirmation. I thought about just thinking about something good about myself last night, but I was so depressed that I had trouble thinking of something. 

[Wild Wolf]

1 hour ago, RhiaWolfe said:

We'll see how that goes. 

 

Hopefully you can get the problem nailed down! It could be that you're not getting quality sleep, which could therefore lead to lack of energy and slue of other things. Keep us updated on this.

 

1 hour ago, RhiaWolfe said:

It was too easy to level and it was just the same thing over and over again.

 

I really enjoyed WoW for it's lore and other stuff, but yeah, it did get really repetitive and fairly easy to level. I never played Guild Wars, but I'm glad you're enjoying it! And it's cool that it gives you something to talk about with your hubby  

 

1 hour ago, RhiaWolfe said:

I had trouble thinking of something. 

 

You. Are. Awesome! Never forget that,

 

Wolf 

[RhiaWolfe]

21 hours ago, Wild Wolf said:

 

Hopefully you can get the problem nailed down! It could be that you're not getting quality sleep, which could therefore lead to lack of energy and slue of other things. Keep us updated on this.

 

Yeah, that's what was happening before. I had sleep apnea and it was really affecting my life. Well, now I feel like I don't even have a CPAP. I'm having the same trouble again. Going to keep trying stuff and see what sticks. Hopefully I can figure it out and get better sleep so I can better tackle the day to day! 

 

21 hours ago, Wild Wolf said:

 

I really enjoyed WoW for it's lore and other stuff, but yeah, it did get really repetitive and fairly easy to level. I never played Guild Wars, but I'm glad you're enjoying it! And it's cool that it gives you something to talk about with your hubby  

 

 

I started playing WoW during the Burning Crusade expansion and then it was really fun! I enjoyed the lore and interactions. I think my favorite expansion was Wrath of the Lich King. Then when it got to Cataclysm I just started getting bored and losing interest. I also kept getting annoyed that they kept resetting my talent points over and over again because they were tweaking things. 

 

So far Guild Wars 2 is pretty fun. I'm not as die hard into it as I was with WoW and not as much as my husband is, but it's a pretty fun game to play. I haven't gotten too far into it yet. I am excited that there's a raptor mount you can get though! 

 

21 hours ago, Wild Wolf said:

 

You. Are. Awesome! Never forget that,

 

Wolf 

 

*grins* Thanks, Wolf! 

[RhiaWolfe]

Week 0 Update: 2/12/2021

 

Yesterday was rather difficult for me. On top of my normal energy issues, I didn't sleep well the night before. I was struggle bussing it all day. 

 

I'm going to put something in the spoiler below that is causing me significant stress. It involves mental health issues, anxiety, and some other stuff that I'm not sure everyone will want to read, so it's in a spoiler. 

Spoiler

Then I got some text messages from a friend of mine. She lives in a crappy apartment, and apparently she has no heat. She's been trying to get them to fix her heat since December. This weekend we're supposed to have a blizzard and it's not supposed to get above freezing for quite a while. She asked if I could watch her cat because she worries about him getting too cold. I told her that both her and her cat are welcome to stay over this weekend. I live right around the corner from her apartment complex. 

 

So, about this friend of mine... she has some really bad mental health issues and can't afford to get professional help. By the end of the day she was in full blow anxiety attack mode. I couldn't understand her texts. A mutual friend of ours was talking to her too. She managed to go over to her house and try and calm her down. So, apparently my friend who doesn't have heat thinks that for some reason she deserves to suffer because it's her fault she's in the situation that she's in. I'm not sure what exactly that means or why she thinks her situation is her fault. So what should have been a simple thing has now turned into a stressful ball of trouble. I'm worried about her... but I've actually tried to distance myself from this friend because I just can't handle her mental health issues. However, I can't just sit by and let her freeze in that tiny apartment by herself. *sighs* 

 

We'll see what happens when I talk to her today. 

 

So, I'm pretty stressed and tired. I'm really glad it's friday. We're supposed to get a blizzard this weekend (almost unheard of where I live) so tonight after work I'm going to go to the grocery store, stock up, and then content myself with entertainment in my home. Maybe play some more Zelda: A Link To the Past. That's one of the few Zelda games I never got to play because I never has a SNES. Now I can get it on my switch. 

 

 

 

Last night after work I went and got dinner with my dad. I think I really needed that. He is very supportive and I always have a good time with him. I also feel like he's one of the few people I can really talk to who will listen to me. Like, really listen. I kinda do the same thing for him. I love him so much. We went to our favorite Korean restaurant and got Bulkokee. It was very yummy and I have leftovers. 

 

 

 

Affirmation - Generous: I have been told many times that I am a generous soul. I want to help and give to people more than I want to take care of myself. It has been a very hard road learning that I don't have to give everything and can reserve things for myself. However, I still see this as a positive trait. I want to help people and make people feel better. 

 

 

Challenge Details 2/11/2021: 

 

Drink < 3 sodas a day - 4/7 Success!!!!

I had one 12 oz soda with breakfast, one 12 oz soda with lunch, and one 12 oz soda with dinner. 

 

1 Positive affirmation/day - 3/7 Success!

I put an affirmation on my post yesterday. Yay! 

[Teros]

On 2/11/2021 at 8:47 AM, RhiaWolfe said:

Yeah, I guess that's true. At least I did it. I may not be doing anything with it right now, but I did it. I can say I have a Master's degree and that's not really something to turn my nose up at. 

I have a grandfathered A+ Hardware and Software certification for computers that I'll never use.

 

On 2/11/2021 at 8:58 AM, RhiaWolfe said:

I've been getting into Guild Wars 2

 

I never played it but I LOVED Guild Wars 1.  It's a totally different beast.  You can hybrid class anything together and make something viable.  All the gripes I had with WoW are addressed with the playstyle in GW1.  No clue about GW2 though.

 

On 2/12/2021 at 8:54 AM, RhiaWolfe said:

I just can't handle her mental health issues. However, I can't just sit by and let her freeze in that tiny apartment by herself. *sighs* 

 

That's interesting because I have the poor/free healthcare and *I've* been able to find tons of therapist that take my insurance.  There are therapists in all brackets but I don't know the specifics of your friend.  As for freezing- yes it sucks but at the same time, I used to live in a basement without heat and it would dip into the 20s and I just bundled up and threw 4 blankets on me and would stay active.  The whole 'deserves to freeze' thing that was touched upon is somewhat common: there is a huge amount of people that believe in the Just-World Hypothesis (at one point, me as well) and it def seems like they need help.  Just remember that you can't help others unless you take care of yourself *first*.

 

On 2/12/2021 at 8:54 AM, RhiaWolfe said:

never has a SNES

 

 

Tragic.  This was my youth^

[RhiaWolfe]

On 2/18/2021 at 10:50 AM, Teros said:

 

I never played it but I LOVED Guild Wars 1.  It's a totally different beast.  You can hybrid class anything together and make something viable.  All the gripes I had with WoW are addressed with the playstyle in GW1.  No clue about GW2 though.

 

 

So far I've been enjoying it. I haven't had a lot of time to play it though. I've been addicted to this other game, 7 Days to Die, that I've been playing with my friends. Right now for my mental health, I need the social aspect of playing games with my friends. 

 

On 2/18/2021 at 10:50 AM, Teros said:

 

That's interesting because I have the poor/free healthcare and *I've* been able to find tons of therapist that take my insurance.  There are therapists in all brackets but I don't know the specifics of your friend.  As for freezing- yes it sucks but at the same time, I used to live in a basement without heat and it would dip into the 20s and I just bundled up and threw 4 blankets on me and would stay active.  The whole 'deserves to freeze' thing that was touched upon is somewhat common: there is a huge amount of people that believe in the Just-World Hypothesis (at one point, me as well) and it def seems like they need help.  Just remember that you can't help others unless you take care of yourself *first*.

 

 

If it was only getting down into the 20s, I wouldn't have worried. She and her cat could get under blankets and figure it out. However, it was in the negatives for several days. 

 

I'm not entirely sure of her situation either. I'm not sure where you are from either. In Oklahoma it's very difficult to find services, especially for low income individuals. The lists are usually crazy long too. However, I also don't know how much work she's done to find some help. I do know that she gets paralyzed by her anxiety and depression. I feel really bad for her, but there's not much I can do to help her other than being there, and in the past, being there has cost me a lot because she has so few people to lean on and a lot of issues. 

 

Anyway, it became a non-issue. She managed to find a way to use blankets to pseudo-insulate her apartment so that her space heater worked enough to keep her and her cat warm enough to get through it. 

 

On 2/18/2021 at 10:50 AM, Teros said:

 

 

Tragic.  This was my youth^

 

My cousin had an SNES, but I didn't see him often enough to play much. My sister had an NES and I got to play on that quite a bit. The N64 was the first console I got that was MINE. That's where my nostalgia stems from most. 

 

[RhiaWolfe]

Week ? Update: 2/22/2021

 

Oh man... what week is it? Week 2? Week 3? I have no idea. 

 

The last week suuuuuuuuuuucked. It was so bad. I didn't go to work all week, partly because of the snow/ice storms we had... but also because of my mental health. Due to the snow storms, I couldn't get refills on my prescription medications. So I was without my antidepressant for over a week. I could barely get out of bed. I slept more than I was awake. I had mood swings from hell. It was horrible. I couldn't go anywhere, couldn't do anything, and the only thing that kept me sane was playing online video games with friends. So, I'm calling for a do-over. I'm going to start my challenge this week. Same goals... just going to start now. 

 

Oh, I did eventually get my antidepressants. Today I'm back at work and I feel a lot better than I did last week. I feel functional. Thank god... 

 

Let's see how this week goes. 

[Teros]

On 2/22/2021 at 8:15 AM, RhiaWolfe said:

In Oklahoma it's very difficult to find services, especially for low income individuals.

Pretty sure that's all of america.  When I did internships working with the homeless, the prospects are fucking awful.  There are mainly 3 'slum lords' who gobbled up all the trash properties and have garbage conditions and the lower class ping-pong between them all and get fucked over in turn.

 

On 2/22/2021 at 8:15 AM, RhiaWolfe said:

The N64 was the first console I got that was MINE.

 

OOC, SM64, Goldeneye, Perfect Dark, etc.  All classics.