Ensi Climbs a Mountain (not really, just figuratively, you know)

[Ensi]

So, somebody developed a fixation on Mount Everest during these trying times.

 

it's me, I developed a fixation on Mount Everest during these trying times

 

I don't remember what got me into googling about the mountain, watching tons of gopro videos on Youtube and reading Jon Krakauer's Into Thin Air. Sometimes, when I'm exhausted with my life, I get fixated on stuff this way - but, in my defense, it's a pretty interesting mountain, alright?? Climbing Everest requires so much effort and resources that I will never do it (also, I'd die in 20 different ways), but rock climbing has offered me a perpective on changing habits and self-development.

 

I have this idea that changing your life is like a movie montage, where you just magically end up where you're supposed to be in a fun scene. But in reality, change takes time and effort. There are setbacks and days when you're tired. This isn't a bad thing, but the way I've been looking at my life has been kinda impatient, thinking that I should already have this and should already have accomplished that, when I simply haven't gotten there yet!

 

When climbing a big-ass mountain, you need to pace yourself, acclimatize, evaluate your decisions well and trust your team. I need to understand that I have no rush to be where I want to be (pace yourself), and if I take time to make small changes over time, I won't get overwhelmed (acclimatization). When a new situation emerges, I can think about where I'm headed and decide, where to go (evaluate your decision well). Also, spending time around like-minded people and asking for help when needed can help me reach my goals in a more pleasant way - and I can also support other people to live their best life (trust your team).

 

So, this is gonna be my way of looking at things as I keep developing habits and systems, which I started in previous challenge.

 

My three habits:

 

1) Eat a proper breakfast and lunch

 

Eating a big breakfast and lunch have proven to help me eliminate snacking and excessive cravings (some cravings are a-ok). I have been eating a big breakfast and big lunch, and now I want to focus on finding a couple of new lunch alternatives I'd like.

 

- eat a big breakfast and lunch at lest 20 times a month

- try out at least two new lunch recipes during the challenge

 

2) Journal a couple of times a day

 

I will stack the habit of journaling on my other habits to make them stick better.

 

1. When I wake up in the morning and put on the lights, I write one page worth of text in my journal.

2. When I go to bed in the evening, I write another page.

 

Small, but that's acclimatization, baby!!

 

3) Do a strength training workout twice a week

 

I bought a course that has workouts you can do at home. So, twice a week, I'll do a strength training workout

 

Bonus: Do something nice for someone else and/or ask for help at least once a day

 

I have issues with trusting people and thinking that they want to support me (I have experiences of bullying and being used), even though I have wonderful friends and family around me. I'm thinking that if I focus on making someone else's day a bit brighter, I might find a new way of looking at this issue. I tend to withdraw and suffer in silence, so I've tried to learn to ask for help when I need it and trust that I'm not a burden to others. So, I will either find a way to make someone's day a little brighter or ask for help when I need it every day.

 

I'll revise my progress at the end of each week. Let's goooooo!

 

[TheGreyJedi-Ranger]

Rock climbing is such a long game! I just started climbing rock walls (about a month and a half before I hurt myself) and it takes time to work up to scaling a wall. And I'm being badly set back by my injury.  But it's a slow process to figure out what works for you and how best to solve the problem and physically get up there!

[Ensi]

On 2/18/2021 at 6:25 PM, TheGreyJedi-Ranger said:

Rock climbing is such a long game! I just started climbing rock walls (about a month and a half before I hurt myself) and it takes time to work up to scaling a wall. And I'm being badly set back by my injury.  But it's a slow process to figure out what works for you and how best to solve the problem and physically get up there!

 

I can imagine! I'm actually thinking of looking up a climbing gym here in my home town and maybe go give it a try I hope your ankle feels better soon!!

 

***

 

I've had a tough time during the past few weeks with feelings of loneliness. Today I realized that I'm not only lonely, but also blaming myself for being lonely ("that's what you get for not being outgoing and social and having too high standards"). But it's not my fault. I can't help the circumstances, and I can't help it that I just haven't found someone I could see myself building a life with. Realizing how much I'm blaming myself helped me feel better today, and I don't feel so lonely anymore. I'm going to meet a friend today and go for a walk with her

 

As for habits, I've been journaling twice a day and I've asked for help at work. Breakfast and lunch have been good, as well. It takes some effort to start changing habits and eating enough food, but I can feel the difference already. I worked out the day before yesterday, and I'm gonna do another workout tomorrow (2/2 this week). I think the loneliness and self-guilt have made me tired, so I'm trying to eat a lot of food and start regular exercising easy. I'll probably practice yoga today to ease my nervous system and muscles, and I'm gonna study for my math exam. I've tried to establish a study routine, and I'm happy to see that I've started to feel like studying more often than before! And even if I don't feel like it, I start every now and then, and then it's quite alright

 

So, all in all, life's a mixed bag right now, but it's full of really useful things. Have a great weekend, everyone!

[Ensi]

A big intuitive eating breakthrough! During the past few weeks, I've made it my goal to eat a big breakfast and lunch in order to avoid snacking. This was a good goal and has helped me with cravings, but in this goal lies a mind trap: I'm having a big breakfast and lunch in order to avoid snacking. Which means that my goal is to control my hunger later on. Which means that I'm still worried about eating and listening to my hunger.

 

And this is when I remembered, how I did this intuitive eating thing back in 2017: When I eat, I don't think about what I've already eaten earlier in the day or what I might eat later on. I just focus on eating enough right now, one meal at the time, focusing on how I feel at the moment. My body is rooted in this moment, and it doesn't really think about the future the same way as I do. And now my body feels relaxed, as if it realized that I am going to listen to it from now on.

 

As said, my goal of eating a big breakfast and lunch has been a necessary step towards this realization, and I'm gonna keep doing that. But I will also focus on practicing the idea that I don't need to think about what I've already eaten or what I might eat later on Sure, there might be times when I do that, but if I can cultivate this approach 80% of the time, that's pretty good!

 

As for other stuff: I've done journaling daily, and I took some time during the weekend to track my finances. Turns out I spend a horrible amount of money on takeaway foods, so I deleted a food delivery app I have on my phone 🙈 Hoping to spend that money on something more useful!! I didn't exercise on Sunday, because I was feeling exhausted after a tolling week, but I went for a walk instead and did relaxing things. So, last week's total was 1/2, but I exercised yesterday and I'm aiming to get in three workouts this week. My energy levels have started to rise again, and I haven't blamed myself for being lonely anymore. I don't feel that lonely, either, so I'm doing pretty OK now Wishing you all a nice start for your week!

[Chesire]

It looks like you made some serious headway in one week; recognizing the loneliness blame, reassessing your eating,  journaling.  May your momentum continue!

 

💯on the small changes thing, too.  They just don't seem as exciting.  I feel silly when I do it, but I make a point of celebrating almost every little step intentionally.  That way they don't get lost in the bustle and I recognize the work along the way. 

 

Nice work!

[Ensi]

5 hours ago, Chesire said:

It looks like you made some serious headway in one week; recognizing the loneliness blame, reassessing your eating,  journaling.  May your momentum continue!

 

💯on the small changes thing, too.  They just don't seem as exciting.  I feel silly when I do it, but I make a point of celebrating almost every little step intentionally.  That way they don't get lost in the bustle and I recognize the work along the way. 

 

Nice work!

 

Thank you!! You're right, I'm making very small changes, but I feel like I can keep up to them. I bolded the part where you say you make a point of celebrating the little steps - that's a very good idea! I've been doing a lot better since I recognized the loneliness blame, but the eating part is hard to remember. But recognizing the control is the first step, and I'm gonna continue!

 

Also, nice to meet you!

 

 

**

 

Yesterday marked 2/2 workouts this week, and some journaling.  My body has started to feel better after I've got in a few workouts, and the workouts themselves feel challenging, but not too hard. I went to therapy today, and the reception is on the sixth floor of the building. I usually take the steps, and I think they felt a bit lighter today than usually... I'm also making sure I eat enough so that I recover, but I basically do that by eating until I'm hungry no more. I don't count macros or calories, instead I'm trying to relearn to listen to my inner cues. Small steps, as usual: This morning I had an omelette, and felt hungry afterwards. Didn't negotiate with the hunger, but instead I had some yoghurt with apple granola. Eventually the hunger subsided, and I started working. I'll have my evening snack soon, and I'll try to pay extra attention to how I feel while eating

 

As I said in an earlier post, when I saw how much money I spend on delivery foods, I deleted the delivery app and haven't spent a penny on delivery foods this week. This made me realize that maybe just seeing where your money goes helps you to be smarter about how you use it. I created an Excel sheet for myself, and I will put in all the money I spend. There are different categories (groceries, takeaway food, health&hygiene, savings, monthly bills, fun things), and I'll just jot down the total sums every day. I don't try to safe money, but just track where it goes until the end of next month. Maybe I'll find some places where I could make smarter decisions! My finances aren't a catastrophy haha, but I'd feel better if I was more aware of what I do with my money!

 

There's been a lot going on at work, but I think the weekend will start well tomorrow Have a great day, everyone!

[Ensi]

Yes!!! Lindt's chocolate bunnies are available at the store!! I love them They can be a bit tricky for me, though, because moderation is hard when it comes to this chocolate... But today, I ate about one half, and then I had my regular "should I throw the rest away so that I won't eat all of it?" bargaining. But then I just kinda looked at the remaining chocolate, put it in my cupboard, and haven't really thought about it since. I almost had some more out of habit, but then I realized that I didn't really want it any more - I had had enough. This felt really good, and shows that I've managed to eat enough food to stop the cravings from being overwhelming. I keep reminding myself that I can have the chocolate, if I want to, though. I prepared some minced meat soup for dinner with rye bread and a pear + a piece of donut for dessert, and now I'm feeling pretty good. Before I had chocolate, I walked to town (got at least an hour of walking) and had lunch with my brother. I hate a falafel + mozzarella pita, which was delicious. There was no one else at the restaurant, which had opened just a few minutes before we went there, so it was pretty covid safe. Finland is gonna have more severe limitations for the following weeks to handle the epidemic, and I hope it'll help with the situation...

 

I did some journaling earlier, and I'm starting to realize that I'm trying to live a life I don't even want to live, because I'm so scared of being left alone. My life isn't all that bad, but I'm constantly defensive about not wanting to do things the same way some of my friends and other people around me do. It's hard to explain it, and I'm not sure, what my kind of life I'd ideally want to live, but I'm starting to take small steps towards finding out I have been feeling better ever since the loneliness blame subsided, and I'm making plans for my future. I'm hoping to buy my own apartment somewhere nice and close to nature, but with good public transport to city centre. I'd like to find a new job at some point, where I could work with other IT professionals and grow (I'm currently kinda alone with my issues at work, even though I've learned to ask for help). A bigger paycheck wouldn't hurt, either, but I'm in no rush. Tracking my finances is a good compensation for now, because I hope that tracking will help me save some money...!

 

Work was a bit hard this week, but I'm happy to say that I have become better at leaving the issues at the work place. I trust that everything will sort itself out Now I'll have a nice shower and study some math. Have a great weekend, everyone!

[Ensi]

It's been a whole week since my last update, but things have been going really well I'm working through some stuff with my therapist, I've cut down my time on social media tremendously and spent more time doing things that are meaningful to me. There's been a huge shift in my mindset, and I'm starting to feel competent again. I came across a Jordan Peterson interview on Youtube, and started reading his book 12 Rules for Life. Haven't finished it yet, but even the first two rules somehow clicked for me (sure, there's a lot in his writing style that I'm put off by at times, but I filter it - there are gems there and I can see that he has a genuine wish to improve the quality of life of other people). Some of the things are in line with what I've already been doing: I started doing the dishes and keeping my kitchen clean, which has rippled to other areas of my life. I cook more at home, and I made myself an Excel sheet where I track my finances. Tracking my finances has already prevented me from making impulse purchases a couple of times I try not to stress about it too much, but I'm very happy to see that I'm gonna be able to put some more in my savings account at the end of the month than previously. All in all, I want to take responsibility of my life and work for my goals. I haven't believed in myself and made things too complicated, but I'm seeing now that things can get better!

 

Eating has been alright, and I try to focus on being aware of my eating habits for now. For example, I have a habit of having a sweet snack just before I eat (not sure why), but I try to notice it now. Just being aware of things helps to change them, as has been with my finances.

 

I've been struggling to create a portfolio for UX/UI design, and I think it's because I don't have a plan on how to do it, exactly. I also haven't been sure if that's what I most want (front-end development really interests me), but I think it's good to start somewhere. I already have a lot on my plate (work and studies), and I don't need to do everything at once! I'm gonna spend some time now to create a plan and see, which steps I need to take, exactly. I'm pretty good at getting stuff  done, as long as I have a to-do list

 

The epidemic is getting worse here in Finland, but I hope I'll be able to visit my parents up north later this month. Stay safe, and have a nice weekend! ❤️

[Chesire]

It looks like you've made some serious mindset changes!  That's is inspiring for me, especially the social media thing.  I'm trying to limit most of my social stuff to useful sites, ya know, like this one.  It helps so much!

 

Same on the clean kitchen thing.  That is one rule for myself that I've stuck with really well.  Dishes are done after dinner and a quick pick up, which led to "just take the thing with you and put it away" when I leave a room.  So much of my clean up time was about clutter before cleaning could happen.  And my brain feels better.

 

So glad to see you having success in this challenge.  Enjoy your visit and take care!

[Ensi]

4 hours ago, Chesire said:

It looks like you've made some serious mindset changes!  That's is inspiring for me, especially the social media thing.  I'm trying to limit most of my social stuff to useful sites, ya know, like this one.  It helps so much!

 

Same on the clean kitchen thing.  That is one rule for myself that I've stuck with really well.  Dishes are done after dinner and a quick pick up, which led to "just take the thing with you and put it away" when I leave a room.  So much of my clean up time was about clutter before cleaning could happen.  And my brain feels better.

 

So glad to see you having success in this challenge.  Enjoy your visit and take care!

 

Thank you!! I agree with limiting social stuff to useful sites. It's a lot more meaningful for me to engage in something like this instead of just seeing what people have been up to in a quick Instagram post, even though it's fun to check them out at times Glad to hear that the kitchen rule works for you, too! Now that you mention, I might try to do that thing with cluttering, as well. I could spend some time figuring out where everything belongs, first

 

Alas, I'm not visiting my parents quite yet, but I hope it will be possible in a couple of weeks. The epidemic is worse where I live, but I hope the current restrictions calm the situation down a bit...

 

**

I'm terrible at keeping tabs on my goals. Let's take a quick look:

 

My three habits:

 

1) Eat a proper breakfast and lunch

 

Eating a big breakfast and lunch have proven to help me eliminate snacking and excessive cravings (some cravings are a-ok). I have been eating a big breakfast and big lunch, and now I want to focus on finding a couple of new lunch alternatives I'd like.

 

- eat a big breakfast and lunch at lest 20 times a month

- try out at least two new lunch recipes during the challenge

 

I've definitely been enjoying proper breakfast and lunch every day. I've been pretty consistent with eating for years: I don't skip meals. The portion sizes have been the problem in the past, but I feel much better after increasing the amount of food I have earlier in the day. Right now I'm working on being mindful about eating sweets. I just somehow would rather have enough food during mealtimes so that I wouldn't feel the need to snack on sweets as much.

 

2) Journal a couple of times a day

 

I will stack the habit of journaling on my other habits to make them stick better.

 

1. When I wake up in the morning and put on the lights, I write one page worth of text in my journal.

2. When I go to bed in the evening, I write another page.

 

Small, but that's acclimatization, baby!!

 

Haha baby has not been journaling that much!! It's been pretty irregular, a few lines here and there, but I've been feeling OK and attended my therapy sessions. Nevertheless, I could do some journaling today.

 

3) Do a strength training workout twice a week

 

I bought a course that has workouts you can do at home. So, twice a week, I'll do a strength training workout

 

Done!!  I've been working out twice a week, and I've done my best to incorporate as much activity in my days as possible. I haven't been sure how to approach push-ups, but I saw this video on Youtube and started working on wall-pushups:

 

 

I can do 40 consecutive wall pushups at best, so I'll keep working on them. I think it's a good and more gentle way to progress towards regular push-ups than just making myself to do 10 knee-push ups (tops) in bad form... I feel like my lower abdomen touches the ground before my chest does, and I don't think that's right. I need to learn to activate my corset more.

 

 

Bonus: Do something nice for someone else and/or ask for help at least once a day

 

I have issues with trusting people and thinking that they want to support me (I have experiences of bullying and being used), even though I have wonderful friends and family around me. I'm thinking that if I focus on making someone else's day a bit brighter, I might find a new way of looking at this issue. I tend to withdraw and suffer in silence, so I've tried to learn to ask for help when I need it and trust that I'm not a burden to others. So, I will either find a way to make someone's day a little brighter or ask for help when I need it every day.

 

I wrote this just a couple of weeks ago, and I'm already feeling very, very different. A few days ago I decided to start focusing on the good in people, because believing that everyone is bad is not good for my mental health. So, I'm asking for help and doing my best to focus on the good. It's made a big difference!

 

**

 

So yeah, I'm happy with how this challenge looks. I'm also keeping food diary just for a couple of weeks. Not to track calories or anything, but just to become more aware of what I'm eating, just like with my finances.

 

Have a great day, everyone!