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Hey there everyone! Your neighborhood Kishi back at it again.

 

I kind of dropped off at the end of last challenge. I have a reason for this.

 

Spoiler

One of my local friends' mom was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer. She was started on an anti-cancer regimen, and initially it looked like she was gonna make it, but it turns out that the meds have an uncommon side effect where they can attack bone marrow and cause it to stop generating red blood cells. That wound up happening here, and so she was basically given the choice of a few painful months or a week. She chose the week.

 

I just got the news about this on Friday, and what that's worked out to has been... well, a lot of extra work. Her roommate, the Traveling Nurse friend, asked for some help showing up and being there, so that's worked out to me going over there the past few days and doing extra yardwork and chores and stuff like that and neglecting myself and eating lots of junk food and... stuff.

 

And, well, life just seems to be full of hard, no-win stuff right now. Work assigned me a deadline that I couldn't meet for reasons outside of my control and I was invited to a party that my ex was also invited to and I can't go because I need to be around for my friend, but even if that wasn't happening I wouldn't want to go and I don't think I'm going to be understood and... yeah.

 

It's a sad and frustrating time to be me right now, and I don't think the space is coming any time soon for me to breathe and process and wander and let things flatten out again. And that just compounds the problem.

 

But, OTOH, without wanting to be toxically positive to myself or else to disengage from myself, at least I can breathe and separate things out and rationally understand what's feeding in to me to generate these outputs. Which is a lot more than I would have been able to say for myself a while ago.

 

So, the challenge didn't end badly, but OTOH it didn't go as great as it could have. I gotta go for now, but I'll explain more later, and I wanted to stake my place.

 

Sorry I left y'all in the lurch, and I didn't even thank people for stopping. Sorry for that too. I'll get around to you when I can. It'll be sooner rather than later.

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Man you have it rough right now. I'm here for you.

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Current Challenge Original 1,2,3, R 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23,24,25,26,27,28,29,30,31,32,33,34,35,36,37,38,39,40,41,42,43,44,45,46,47,48,49,50,51

52,53,54

"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

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Glad to see you're back even if there's a lot on the plate!

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 [ Level ?? ] Thunderbro Maximus of the Thunderlords Legion

BRUTALITY 13 | FINESSE 12 | GRIT 13  | INSIGHT 15 | MOXIE 13

Challenges1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36

 

"Rangers have to at least give up on pants. It's a special rule we enacted after Rurik became a Guild Leader.” – DarK_RaideR.

"Did I just get my ass kicked by a member of Metallica meets History Channel's Vikings?" - Wolfpool.

"By the Well-Oiled-and-Meticulously-Groomed Beard of Rurik!" - Tanktimus the Encourager.

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10 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Man you have it rough right now. I'm here for you.

 

6 hours ago, Rurik Harrgath said:

Glad to see you're back even if there's a lot on the plate!

 

1 hour ago, DarK_RaideR said:

Hey Kish. Just sending out support.

 

1 hour ago, Mistr said:

You are being there for your friends and doing lots of hard things.

 

Hugs ()()()()()()

 

We will be here when you are feeling like you can face the outside world again.

 

Thanks all for the support. Love ya.

 

Spoiler

Just got the word a few minutes ago that she died. If you're the praying/vibey sort, that'd be welcome. If you're not, tell your loved ones you love 'em. Even if everything's fine and it doesn't look like a loss is coming, I doubt you regret it.

 

So. There's a challenge coming up this Sunday. And I said this was going to be about bridging the gaps. What do I mean by that?

 

Well, a lot of what's holding me back from what I want to accomplish is a matter of transitions between various states of being. That sounds ridiculous and highfalutin, so what does it mean?

 

Best way I know to explain is to provide some concrete examples. So, like, with my nutrition, as long as I'm on my own, I can stick to a given spread of macros pretty easily. I don't generally stress eat or anything like that. But if I'm in a position where I go to do social stuff and there's food, I come back and go nuts with food. I think that pattern got ingrained because of how rare it used to be for me to see people, but as that's become increasingly common, it's made losing body fat more difficult.

 

And that's just one example. It's places in my processes where things work fine when left alone, but they hitch with interference, and that hitching causes a lot of vicious cycles rather than virtuous ones. So the overarching theme is about identifying a few places where there's either a vicious cycle or else a virtuous cycle that could be improved. To bridge the gaps between what I got and what I want.

 

Goal 1: Nutrition

As you might imagine, this is the big one. Especially after this week.

 

My goal here is to go from going nuts with food after social situations to just eating a little afterward - just enough to help me process supplements. So that'll work out to being a protein bar of some kind instead of loads of junk food. I'll allow myself a dispensation for Easter Sunday, because that's a holiday, but otherwise the goal is just to stick to my macros and only deviate but so much.

 

Goal 2: Writing

Writing has not fallen off! Which you might have expected it should, but it's like a nervous itch now and I feel wrong if I miss a day.

 

I've stuck to my daily page, but I want to jump to 2 pages, and every time I try to, it goes haywire. I want to push my writing habit a little harder on this, though. So, how to bridge the gap?

 

The thing I've noticed is that whenever I get to the end of a chapter, I consider it to be a page written, even if it's only half or a quarter or whatever. So my goal is that, when writing, if I get to a chapter end, I will enter the page break and then write the new page.

 

Goal 3: Meditation

Got to 5 minutes before I started to fall off. There's no fancy trickery on this one - bridging the gap just means showing up to do this and ingrain it as a habit before I start toward the goal of 10 minutes again.

 

Those are the goals. T-minus a few days.

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So, it appears that I misspoke earlier about the news regarding the Thing. It hasn't happened yet. I was just invited out to hang with friends at firepit. So. False alarm.

 

Still wound up going out to hang with friends last night. That was fun.  Did tinfoil dinners - classic burgers along with a curry variant. The Librarian friend was, understandably, kind of quiet. There's an ongoing sense of anticipation. Most everyone got really drunk because of the stress of the week, which makes sense. I've been working in some capacity or other since last Saturday without any real breaks for anything different, and I wanted to drink, but... I just didn't want to get drunk, so I didn't. Found myself feeling kind of alone in the crowd, if that makes sense. Not just in terms of being relatively sober, but also just feeling kind of quiet inside, and I found myself feeling kind of withdrawn and detached.

 

Still had fun, but I have to admit, there's a point in drinking where you can go past fun, and I kind of feel like most everyone else either did so or else got so caught up in it that they couldn't dial it back. Whatever. I don't regret going to be with my friends. :) Also, I didn't come back home and eat like an asshole afterward - I got to put my goal into practice already, and I felt a lot better for having done so.

 

The workweek ended and I fell short of the goals my superiors set for me, and in chasing those goals I wound up missing out on all the productivity goals they set for me previously. So it's a wreck, and I'll probably be thrown back under "Coaching" again, which TBH doesn't really bother me when I'm not in the moment of it happening. Work these days has so many obstacles to getting anything done - by design, no less! - that an arbitrary designation change doesn't actually change anything that matters. So, I'll have to act contrite come the meeting, but I'm past the point where I'm concerned.

 

Writing's kept up. Meditation hasn't. No good reason, and really a lot more reasons to sit down and be still these days. I owe myself better. And I stand to gain to boot. :D

 

Anyway, today's plans are up in the air. I'd heard about another firepit tonight with friends, but that was before drinking and, well, they might not be in a position to offer up, and that's okay. I slept in for the first time in a week and then I got up and wrote and... it's a rest day today so I think I'll go for a walk. Read some of Marx's Wage Labor and Capital, an essay which I've been told is a good primer on the basics without having to read all of freaking Das Kapital. Something I need to make a point of is reading Scripture along with Theory, because it's important to me for Reasons. Huh. Need to carve my time better. Can do, so should be done.

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I'm glad you got to relax with your friends and make decisions that support your goals at the same time.

 

I hear you on how hard it is to adjust your emotional responses when those were set in a scarcity framework. I see a lot of that in how I react to chocolate.

 

Would it be easier to increase your writing if you did it in two sessions? Maybe take a break from the words-on-the-page after one page is done to do some related work, or even go do household chores while you think about what is happening in the story. Then come back to the writing a little later. Writing two pages in one go seems like a lot of brain energy at once.

 

Sorry the management at your work continues to be stupid. Keep looking for new positions, they are starting to open up as the pandemic lets up.

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Level 58  Viking paladin

My current challenge    Battle log 

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On 3/29/2021 at 4:25 PM, Mistr said:

I'm glad you got to relax with your friends and make decisions that support your goals at the same time.

 

Yeah, come to think of it, that could have been a challenge name too. Would have been more direct, at least.

 

On 3/29/2021 at 4:25 PM, Mistr said:

I hear you on how hard it is to adjust your emotional responses when those were set in a scarcity framework. I see a lot of that in how I react to chocolate.

 

Yeah, but in your defense, chocolate's amazing, and if you go dark enough it's good for you. :P

 

On 3/29/2021 at 4:25 PM, Mistr said:

Would it be easier to increase your writing if you did it in two sessions? Maybe take a break from the words-on-the-page after one page is done to do some related work, or even go do household chores while you think about what is happening in the story. Then come back to the writing a little later. Writing two pages in one go seems like a lot of brain energy at once.

 

You know, that might not be a bad way to approach it. As it is, right now I'm writing in what's called standard manuscript format - first line indented, Courier New Font, double-spaced lines. This formatting alters the word-count per page so it comes to about 250 words or so. The "classical" amount of words is generally 1000 or so; roughly 500 words in single-spaced Times New Roman.  It's actually kind of surprising how relatively little it is when I write down, but like you say, there's something to the notion of getting up after a page and stretching my legs or else scratching the brain itch that is a set of chores or something like that.

 

Have to give it some thought. Given my set-up right now that's not going to be a thing I do consistently, but when the time comes for the next step, that'll be different.

 

On 3/29/2021 at 4:25 PM, Mistr said:

Sorry the management at your work continues to be stupid. Keep looking for new positions, they are starting to open up as the pandemic lets up.

 

I'll keep my ears to the ground. Might get lucky; fortunately, things are secure enough right now that I'm not really worried.

 

*

 

Goal 1: 2/2

 

Goal 2: 2/2

 

Goal 3: 0/2

 

Nice and simple goals are nice and simple. Very little opportunity to mess up, except for the one that I did. :P

 

Nutrition's been good the past couple of days. Writing's been good the past couple of days - got the chance to bridge a gap the very first day and I was proud of myself for that. Meditation's been iffy for no particular reason; I just keep telling myself I'll do it later and then I don't. For the moment, it works best to do so after the job's done for the day; it's a nice segue from working Kishi to resting Kishi.

 

May have caught a break at work. That productivity goal I mentioned, earlier? I was basically trying to reduce my oldest case load by a bunch, and I missed by two as of last week. Then, Monday, a bunch of my oldest cases got reassigned out of nowhere and this had the fun side-effect of knocking me into compliance. So... somehow, I'm meeting expectations in more places than not, thanks to a bunch of stuff I can't control. Lovely. No complaints here.

 

Beyond all that, things are quiet for now. No sci fi tonight since the friend who hosts is out of town with his wife. It's a rest day today and boy howdy do I need it. Sleep's been slipping on me a bit and I am feeling it. It's nice to have the chance to relax some, although I do wonder if GMB mobility would be good to do on days when I have kind of an itch to move, which I still do even after a long walk today. Might not be bad to play some at a lower intensity.

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Goal 1: 4/4

 

Goal 2: 4/4

 

Goal 3: 2/4

 

Wound up playing around with mobility and lower intensity when all was said and done. Felt good to get some stretching and mobility stuff done. Even with a long walk. I was reminded of how I think this could address my concerns of keeping up with mobilizations and such after I finish Elements.

 

Speaking of, I'm about 3/4 of the way done. Just a little more to do. Dunno what I'll do from there. I'd said at one point back at the beginning that I'd do Elements again and add flexibility, but GMB's big on switching things up and I wouldn't mind doing that too. Be a while between here and there so I can give it some thought, but refreshingly I'm in no particular hurry.

 

Meditated yesterday, and numbers are updated to today because I did all of 'em or else there's no reason to assume that I won't be in compliance. Now to walk down to the store, pick up some vittles, and back here for Elements practice.

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Goal 1: 4/4

 

Goal 2: 4/4

 

Goal 3: 2/4

 

Day 5 in the bag. Again, not much to report. Work was uneventful, which is how I like it. Did my writing, macros are on track. Everything's good. Got invited to Easter with my folks, which I want to say yes to, but haven't yet because I'm trying to stay available for in case the Thing happens. Fortunately, mom was cool about it; I have until Sunday morning to RSVP. My folks are pretty great. :) And I am pretty lucky. ❤️

 

I blew my schedule pretty badly yesterday, so I wound up getting to bed really late, and I didn't get as much sleep as I could have used - and I could have used more than I got. But, I'm lucky again in that I get a 3-day weekend starting tomorrow, so that'll be good for getting back out of the deficit. I digress, though - on to the night's business!

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3 hours ago, Kishi said:

I blew my schedule pretty badly yesterday, so I wound up getting to bed really late, and I didn't get as much sleep as I could have used - and I could have used more than I got. But, I'm lucky again in that I get a 3-day weekend starting tomorrow, so that'll be good for getting back out of the deficit. I digress, though - on to the night's business!

 

Pretty jealous... any exciting plans to take advantage?

 [ Level ?? ] Thunderbro Maximus of the Thunderlords Legion

BRUTALITY 13 | FINESSE 12 | GRIT 13  | INSIGHT 15 | MOXIE 13

Challenges1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36

 

"Rangers have to at least give up on pants. It's a special rule we enacted after Rurik became a Guild Leader.” – DarK_RaideR.

"Did I just get my ass kicked by a member of Metallica meets History Channel's Vikings?" - Wolfpool.

"By the Well-Oiled-and-Meticulously-Groomed Beard of Rurik!" - Tanktimus the Encourager.

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On 4/1/2021 at 10:00 PM, Rurik Harrgath said:

 

Pretty jealous... any exciting plans to take advantage?

 

Nope! None at all. So naturally, they were made for me. :D

 

*

 

Goal 1: 5/5

 

Goal 2: 4/5

 

Goal 3: 2/5

 

So I must have really needed sleep because I got down late and got up even later. Most of the day was shot by the time I got up, so I took that as a sign and just kind of chilled out from my goals.

 

I was hopeful that I'd have the rest of the weekend to myself, but then I got messaged yesterday that someone needed help moving house today, so I'll be going off to do that this afternoon. Then Easter tomorrow with my folks unless the Librarian friend's mom dies, in which case, I dunno what happens.

 

So much for an idle weekend. -_-

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O-kay! Time to catch these numbers up. 

 

Goal 1: 7/8

 

Goal 2: 4/8

 

Goal 3: 2/8

 

So, yeah, numbers took a hit this weekend. Nutrition-wise, I had the opportunity to bridge the gap proper but I didn't on Saturday. Sunday was a free day, so it counts. Writing didn't really happen this weekend, so no pages. Meditation didn't happen in any real way either. Apparently I'm relying a lot on external cues at this point; otherwise, I trick myself into thinking it'll come about later.

 

Or maybe not? Really, the only day in which that could meaningfully be said to have happened was Friday. Saturday I wound up going out to help a friend move house - they'd got the small stuff out of the way, so only the big stuff remained. Initially, it looked like it was going to be a nightmare job, but we figured out that we could take apart a lot of the furniture that we'd have to move and it made the work a lot easier. Wound up dropping off some extra stuff with the Traveling Nurse friend and got to check in; so far, okay.

 

Spoiler

So far, my Librarian friend's mom hasn't died yet that we've heard about. That friend has said she'd reach out to us if/when she needed people, and she hasn't yet. This is her right, and I feel no need to pressure her with the performative aspects of friendship or what have you.

 

That being said, I've had to slow down some of my other friends who had said that they were going to reach out. Because grief is a weird emotion, in my experience; there's a real gap between feeling and performance and the timing for one versus the other is really janky. I could see them reaching out and she feeling a need to respond a certain way, to acknowledge and show appreciation for a gesture that she really doesn't have the space to process, and that would make things harder.

 

Of course, it's possible that I've misread the thing and she wants us to take initiative, except that she's never liked it that I've seen when someone took initiative. Or maybe it was just me. Either way, I'm hoping that I'm making the right call in trying to give and preserve space. I suppose I'll find out soon enough.

 

Refreshingly, the day's work really wasn't that hard. Most of the time was spent helping the newly moved friend build furniture in his new space and honestly kind of restful.

 

Sunday, since I didn't hear anything, I decided to go visit my folks. My brother was there as well; we talked martial arts shop after and it was good. He might get out on the mats with us at some point; myself, I still need to get vaccinated so I can get back out there and do things.

 

Ate enough yesterday that I haven't felt the need to eat today. So I'm honoring that. Did S&S yesterday before going to visit folks and have GMB to do tonight. Reckon I'll take it easy.

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Goal 1: 9/10

 

Goal 2: 6/10

 

Goal 3: 3/10

 

Goals added up through Tuesday. Man, that meditation goal is really off to a bad start. Still winnable, but it's borderline at this point.

 

I didn't wind up eating on Monday. I never got hungry, even after doing GMB and such. I told myself I'd eat after, but I really wasn't feeling it, and I got my hands on a copy of Raya and the Last Dragon, which I'd been dying to see for a while. I got lost enough in it that by the time it was done and it was time to go to bed, I still wasn't hungry, so I just went to sleep.

 

How was it? Thoughts below!

 

Spoiler

So it's a movie about martial arts and dragons for children made by a marketing machine trying to capture the largest audience share it can manage, meaning that if you're looking for a profound statement or something, best look somewhere else. Raya banked really hard on identity marketing - Asian fantasy representation FTW! - and to the extent that it did so it appears to have been successful. Those Asian friends of mine what have seen it say they felt seen and heard, so as long as they feel that way, it's good enough in that regard.

 

The thing is, the story itself very definitely Has A Message about trusting people and the need for a broken country to reunite (Hm. That's not topical at all. /sarcasm). I broke out laughing when it showed its hand, but I have to admit, by the end, I'd really come around.

 

See, at the start, it's a very bourgeois version of people coming together. In the first act, Raya's country of Heart is trying to bring the people of the broken land back together again, but it's pretty plain that Raya's country also happens to be the best off materially. They have the best climate, they have the most food, and the notion of them trying to push a peace on everyone else seems really weird to me. When the other countrymen arrive, they rightly point out that it's easy for Heart to call for peace when it's not going to cost them anything. And it comes back to bite them in the end - the inciting incident is the loss of a sacred magical relic which was keeping everyone safe and this causes nothing short of an apocalypse in the setting.

What kind of ideology is at play here, do you think? I mean, let's look at it again - you have a rich, well-heeled minority trying to tell the poor masses what they need to do and everything goes bad when those dirty stinking poors try to manage things for themselves. It's got shades of capitalism in it - not necessarily in commodity production but in commodity accumulation without hope of redistribution. "I have the means, so I make the rules, and if you want to survive, you'll do as I say, because I know better, don't you dare try to  OH NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID, I told you, I told you you weren't capable of doing this, you need to listen to your betters always."

 

And honestly, if the film hadn't really interrogated this, I'd think a lot less of it. But here's the thing - it does. Raya, the protagonist, spends most of the film trying to go it alone and not trust people. Even when she starts making friends, she still doesn't really trust anyone to do anything except screw up. But the film keeps throwing her into situations where she really can't do it alone and she needs people to help her. And as she gathers these scarred people together - and don't kid yourself, even though half the cast are kids, they seen some shit - their bonding with one another allows them to become better people. Their helping each other relieves a burden they were each carrying, and as they each carry the other they become better versions of themselves.

 

Remarkably, this even extends to the antagonist Namaari, who is so humanized by the end that she's not really a villain. She has a profound regret over her role in the inciting incident, and while she's still an antagonist over the course of the film, you really get the sense that she's not a bad person so much as a person who's trying to make the best choices she sees when all her choices are bad.

 

And that's what makes this film so great, I think! The film says you gotta learn to trust and forgive people and then actively punishes the characters when they do it! And I think that's awesome, because it connotes a very real lesson about the nature of progress and how you can't just do the right thing and get the "right" result. Life is a series of processes, and these processes are so robust that you can't just disrupt them once and change everything for the better. You have to hit it once, and then hit it again, and again, and even then there's no guarantee that it's going to work, but you do it anyway because the world you hope for is worth the price you pay.

 

The story has a happy ending where everyone comes back together, but by the time that happens, everything is being repaired and the material conditions are such that everyone can meet on an equal footing. And that's when peace happens.

 

So, yeah. I think it's good. I think you should see it. Yes, you. It's not a perfect film - it's got some jarring transitions and I feel like in some places that it could have been padded out more - but also, it's a Kid's Movie and there are certain constraints of form that probably had to be observed, and I'm not going to hold that against the work.

 

Tuesday, got up and did my work. Bridged a nutrition gap - turns out it's actually really easy when you don't have junk food in the house. :P Wrote in the morning. Didn't meditate because I have the end of work as my 'trigger' for that and I have to get on the road as soon as work lets out in order to be on time. Ate some food and started on the Snyder Cut. Made it a couple hours. Have a couple hours more. It's a lot, although it's not bad. A lot colder than I'm used to, but I'm spoiled by Young Justice. I didn't watch the original Justice League to make a comparison, but it doesn't feel like a bad film. I've been told it's Objectivist as all hell, which, I don't know if I understand that critique enough to buy that, but so far it's a very Snyder film - lots of slow motion and Heavy Mythos. Surprisingly funny, though, not in a quippy way so much as a situational way. I find that I like it so far. Which is way better than I thought I'd be with it.

 

Anyway. Did some GMB today. Think I'm going to cut some of my kettlebell work back - I'm not getting enough from the Apple A Day program for it to be worth anything and I think I could be better-served focusing on mobility and drills rather than swinging the bell. That feels right to me by now.

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Okay, quick note to catch up at random time.

 

Thus far, everything's pretty quiet. Weekend was a quiet one for once; I slept a lot and that knocked me off of some goals. I'm knocking my nutrition out of the park, but the writing and meditation goals tend to struggle without the external triggers I've been using. The 'gap' here - the hitch - is that I'm very rigid with my wake-up times during the week, and while I think I've been getting enough sleep, I crash pretty hard most weekends. Think I may need to get stricter with myself about compliance with bedtime, even on the weekends; it's hard to maintain discipline when you wake up and half your day is gone.

 

Work was eventful in that my supervisor decided to step down from her position; we're looking for someone new to fill the role. I don't know who it's going to be. No opinion at this time.

 

Think I'm going to back to Apple A Day. Without it, I find that I don't have as much structure in my day and I don't like how that leaves me feeling.

 

As terse as I'm being here, you might think something happened. Truthfully, nothing has. Promise. :) Like I said, past few days was me catching up on sleep and such and trying to observe what was going on and how I felt about it. Life carries on otherwise.

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Hey, I am sorry I am late to the party.  Hugs for all of your prior sads.

Spoiler

  Cancer Sucks. Thank you for keeping us updated and as a part of your support community; we here for you.  Especially in the holding pattern time that accompanies hospice.  Cancer just freaking sucks.  Your method of giving space is a good idea; grief is exhausting.  Sometimes short meaningful visits are the best.  

 

It's great that you've been able to catch up on sleep recently; 

On 4/8/2021 at 12:31 AM, Kishi said:

Ate some food and started on the Snyder Cut. Made it a couple hours. Have a couple hours more. It's a lot, although it's not bad. A lot colder than I'm used to, but I'm spoiled by Young Justice.

I have watched the full snyder cut and I gotta be honest, I like it better than the original justice league cut because of the depth it gives the characters.  Although will anything be as good as Young Justice?  will it?  Doubtful.

 

Gonna have to watch Raya now, tho.  Thank you for the review! 

 

I like your idea of meditation triggers; that sounds really smart.  I am glad nothing has happened lately and you have the time to observe how you feel.  Wonderful.  

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Current Challenge

Battle Log

Breathe deep.  Seek peace.  Bring a sword.  ---Kishi

Playlist for the Zombie Apocalypse

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13 hours ago, Treva said:

Hey, I am sorry I am late to the party.  Hugs for all of your prior sads.

  Reveal hidden contents

 

 

Thanks. The sads are past, for now.

 

Spoiler

Thanks again. The support means a lot; also the endorsement of trying to give and maintain a space. That's something that I'm not great at; between my toxic positive tendencies and my genuine concern, it's hard to leave her be. Still, I've definitely caught myself thinking about her grief from a place of desiring my own fulfillment, which is so fucked up. Honestly, it's for the best if I give her space at this point, no matter what anyone else does.

 

13 hours ago, Treva said:

I have watched the full snyder cut and I gotta be honest, I like it better than the original justice league cut because of the depth it gives the characters.  Although will anything be as good as Young Justice?  will it?  Doubtful.

 

Yeah, that's what I've heard! I never watched the Whedon cut, but what little I ever saw filled me with a kind of active contempt. Here, it's passive contempt for Snyder's objectivist tendencies in film, but passive contempt is pretty high praise for me these days. :D Also, you are right, I can't see anything in the DC verse topping Young Justice.

 

13 hours ago, Treva said:

Gonna have to watch Raya now, tho.  Thank you for the review! 

 

DO IT. IT'S GOOD.

 

13 hours ago, Treva said:

I like your idea of meditation triggers; that sounds really smart.  I am glad nothing has happened lately and you have the time to observe how you feel.  Wonderful.

 

Thanks! One thing I've really picked up on in this latest attempt to study Stoicism is that the Stoics thought they had a lot less control than I thought. I used to hold my feelings against myself, but in this philosophy, feelings aren't a thing they could control. They're a kind of object, to be perceived and judged (understood), and it's the understanding of them that I've been working to dig into. I think it's worth it.

 

*

 

Goal 1: 14/15

 

Goal 2: 9/15

 

Goal 3: 6/15

 

Numbers are kind of an estimate based on what I remember? Still, meditation fell off again and it's a failing grade at this point. BoOoOoOoooooOOOoo.

 

Man, I must not be doing a very good job of carving out time for myself. Think I'd benefit if I did something about it.

 

Today was the first day of OT, and naturally it's janked up my schedule already. I'm electing to focus on rest and recovery; that just feels right at the moment. On the other hand, the kettlebells felt right after the absence. Maybe I just needed a few days there? Regardless, I feel pretty good about how much movement I did today on top of everything else, and I don't really mind some extra rest.

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On 4/12/2021 at 1:04 AM, Kishi said:

Weekend was a quiet one for once; I slept a lot and that knocked me off of some goals. I'm knocking my nutrition out of the park, but the writing and meditation goals tend to struggle without the external triggers I've been using. The 'gap' here - the hitch - is that I'm very rigid with my wake-up times during the week, and while I think I've been getting enough sleep, I crash pretty hard most weekends. Think I may need to get stricter with myself about compliance with bedtime, even on the weekends; it's hard to maintain discipline when you wake up and half your day is gone.

 

I have found that to be a problem too. By Friday night I am sick of being a responsible adult and want to do fun things. That sets me up for a bad start to the weekend. This past weekend I made a point of going to bed on time on Saturday night, and slept 9.5 hours anyway. Apparently I needed more sleep. I am with you in the struggle at bedtime.

 

Sounds like your exercise mix is working well, and so is nutrition. You just need to have backup plans for the things that throw your normal routine out of whack.

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On 4/14/2021 at 12:44 PM, Mistr said:

You just need to have backup plans for the things that throw your normal routine out of whack.

 

Yeah. Truthfully, I'm generally so chill because I've planned around whatever's going to happen. But when things come up otherwise, at least historically, it's been a major stressor for me. So I'm trying to learn how to... well, bridge the gap between planned me and unplanned me.

 

*

 

Yiiiiikes, it's been a couple weeks. 😬Not very leaderly of me to disappear like that.

 

I've got reasons, though. I don't know if I ever mentioned this but I have an Uncle dealing with lung cancer. He'd originally elected to die rather than to face chemo because he was afraid of the quality of his life, and it was a Big Deal for my family. Or it was, until they found a treatment for him that allowed him to persist, which he accepted, and so things settled down again.

 

Then he had a bad reaction to it and he's off the meds and said he's done, so, family's back to being wrecked again. It's down to a matter of time, now.

 

I'm handling it. I had a real rough week in the past week in terms of how much sleep I was getting - not sure if that's related or not - and really I've just been on autopilot for the past while or so. I've not been reaching out to anyone about this. I think everyone's kind of taken up by problems a little closer to home, and I chose not to speak up.

 

As far as the challenge goes, well, it's... fine. Believe it or not, the eating goal fell right in line as soon as I got rid of the junk food that was lying about, and writing's actually going really well. Had to force myself to tighten my scenes up a little, but they feel good. Meditation, however, is completely shot.

 

Since nutrition and writing are pretty much managed and under control, I'm gonna hit reset on this challenge and just focus on meditation for the next little while. I need to sit with myself for a while.

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Sorry you've had such a rough time.

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Current Challenge Original 1,2,3, R 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23,24,25,26,27,28,29,30,31,32,33,34,35,36,37,38,39,40,41,42,43,44,45,46,47,48,49,50,51

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"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

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It sounds like a lot of folks are going through a rough spell with sleep lately.  Maybe it's something in the air?  Or seasonal?  🤷‍♂️  I hope y'all catch up on that soon.  ZMA supplements have been saving my arse and keeping me feeling relatively human, if not quite superhuman as I'd prefer.

 

I hope all is wellish with you now, friend.  I'm sorry to hear it's been a rough spell but I'm sure you've kept your head on straight and are looking after yourself.

 

New challenge coming up soon.  Let's get our shit together, together yeah?  💪😎

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 [ Level ?? ] Thunderbro Maximus of the Thunderlords Legion

BRUTALITY 13 | FINESSE 12 | GRIT 13  | INSIGHT 15 | MOXIE 13

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"Rangers have to at least give up on pants. It's a special rule we enacted after Rurik became a Guild Leader.” – DarK_RaideR.

"Did I just get my ass kicked by a member of Metallica meets History Channel's Vikings?" - Wolfpool.

"By the Well-Oiled-and-Meticulously-Groomed Beard of Rurik!" - Tanktimus the Encourager.

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On 4/25/2021 at 8:13 PM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Sorry you've had such a rough time.

 

On 4/26/2021 at 5:25 PM, Mistr said:

You have had a lot of emotional stress to deal with this challenge. It makes sense for you to take some time to reflect and recharge.

 

On 4/27/2021 at 1:49 PM, Treva said:

I'm really sorry to hear about your uncle .  Thank you for sharing.  I hope you find the time you need for yourself.

 

On 4/28/2021 at 12:16 PM, Rurik Harrgath said:

I hope all is wellish with you now, friend.  I'm sorry to hear it's been a rough spell but I'm sure you've kept your head on straight and are looking after yourself.

 

Thanks, y'all.

 

On 4/28/2021 at 12:16 PM, Rurik Harrgath said:

It sounds like a lot of folks are going through a rough spell with sleep lately.  Maybe it's something in the air?  Or seasonal?  🤷‍♂️  I hope y'all catch up on that soon.  ZMA supplements have been saving my arse and keeping me feeling relatively human, if not quite superhuman as I'd prefer.

 

I'm working on it! I'm putting it down to a failure to be disciplined in my sleep times. Thankfully, I'm good at the lead-up to sleep, so once I'm down, I'm generally gone for the night.

 

On 4/28/2021 at 12:16 PM, Rurik Harrgath said:

New challenge coming up soon.  Let's get our shit together, together yeah?  💪😎

 

Yeah, man, I gotta figure out what I wanna do. Might rebel against rebellion (!) and only focus on one thing. It seems like enough is pulling I want now. Or maybe I should put life challenges instead of health challenges? Or maybe--

 

*

 

Goal: 6/6

 

Sitting still and being quiet has done me a lot of good this week. I've needed it.

 

The week's not been bad. I got my first vaccine dose yesterday; 24 hours on, I feel pretty good. Was pretty tired this morning, despite compliance with bedtime; not sure if it's drag at the end of the week or if it's a vaccine side-effect. Arm was pretty sore yesterday, so in lieu of that and in anticipation of side effects, I actually took yesterday off from life in general. That was a good thing to do too. Led well into today.

 

Spoiler

My friend's mom finally died last night. If you're the praying type, it's appreciated; if not, tell folks you love 'em. Because one day, it's gonna be the last time, and you don't know when that is.

 

Tomorrow, I get to go roll. Looks like it'll be a bit of a crowd. I'd back out except that everyone I'm worried about is either vaccinated or else accepts the risks of association with me.

 

Apropo of nothing, I think I might line up a reward for myself next challenge. Because in order for the reward to be a good idea, I need to make some space and do some life-challengey stuff. Which means I need to start thinking about next round. Good.

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