Jump to content

Salinger's fortieth challenge!

Recommended Posts

Wow 40... 


I wasnt going to do a challenge this time, mainly because im lacking enthusiasm ... im feeling a bit overwhelmed with life right now. 


I recently moved in to a gorgeous new house with my girlfriend, things on that front are amazing and wonderful. Totally in love. 


But work is ramping up again, i have a lot of writing to do for funding applications. 


Im struggling with intense grief. 


Im struggling with how much i HATE myself/the way i look. 


So .... overwhelmed. With emotions i guess, mainly. 


No real goals this time out, i feel like incorporating actual goals will make me feel even more stressed out. 

One thing though is, during this challenge i must re-join the gym. And go at least once. 


I will slowly do my best to incorporate gym going into my routine. 


I complain about my weight/how i look etc but i dont do anything about it. Depressing. 


SO ... join a gym, go to said gym. 


Cheers! x

  • Like 7
Link to comment
2 hours ago, Maggie-Miau said:

You can do it, Sal! Self-hate is a tough beast. I know you can conquer it though! ♥️


Thanks Mia, lots of love xx


1 hour ago, Dusk said:

Emotions are so overwhelming sometimes, especially when there’s a lot of things to have emotions about. Sending hugs~ 💜


Hey Dusk, thank you ❤️ 


44 minutes ago, Harriet said:

What can we do to help? We're here. We have words, gifs, and drawings.


Harriet, you and my friends here help me a lot :)


I guess...help me figure out routine?!


Maybe its the bipolar? Or the way im wired haha i just struggle with it!!


Am i fighting with myself too much? Should i accept routine doesnt work? If not then what?


Lots of Qs :P



  • Like 1
Link to comment
7 minutes ago, Salinger said:

I guess...help me figure out routine?!



Maybe its the bipolar? Or the way im wired haha i just struggle with it!!


Am i fighting with myself too much? Should i accept routine doesnt work? If not then what?


Nah, don't give up. Keep throwing things at the wall and eventually something will stick. My best tips from my own struggles are


1. don't make the routine too strenuous or it will be less likely to stick

2. don't punish yourself if something fails, just take a break and try something else next time

3. do rest and take breaks when you need them, but don't spend too long in between attempts

4. if there is something that increases your energy or motivation (for me, it's walking) prioritise it above sexier habits

By the way, a routine doesn't have to be a strict schedule. It can be based on rough rules like 'walk after lunch' and 'read after walk'.  And I have found the best place to put a new rule is earlier in the day. That's me, though.

  • Like 2

Let cheese and oxen and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination - Harriet the Viking

Just be bold, fluid and unapologetic, not small, hairy and indecisive - Harriet the Artist

You can absorb me! - Harriet the Contextless Guru

Link to comment
13 minutes ago, Harriet said:

By the way, a routine doesn't have to be a strict schedule. It can be based on rough rules like 'walk after lunch' and 'read after walk'. 


With a live-in girlfriend and the weather warming up, this might be a good time to introduce a couple's walk in the park after the end of your work day to talk about how the day's gone and look at flowers and shit. Instant daily exercise. You can add more in future challenges if you like, but this is just about starting.


On the "join a gym and go at least once" front, what about brain gym? As in, perhaps spend this challenge looking for a therapist who deals with grief and/or body image and go at least once. Neither of those are things you need to wrestle with alone if they're overwhelming you. These are common things people struggle with, you're not on your own. There are resources. (And I think it might be easier to approach things like exercise if you're working on the self-hate. There are studies about how effective shame is as a motivator  and it's not good. Teaching people to hate themselves makes it less likely they'll think they're worth making a change, despite what trolls claim on the internet. So this could also be part of your fitness goal.)


On the grief front specifically, maybe once a week, light a candle and thank your dad for something good you still carry with you, like something you learned from him or some memory that helps you out when you need it, or something that was super influential on you.

  • Like 4

I felt like I could run forever, like I could smell the wind and feel the grass under my feet, and just run forever.

Current Challenge: #24 - Mrs. Cosmopolite Challenge

Past: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6,  #7#8, #9#10, #11a & #11b, #12, #13, #14, #15, #16, #17, #18, #19, #20, #21, #22, #23

Link to comment
Just now, sarakingdom said:

look at flowers and shit. Instant daily exercise


Also, gardening counts as exercise.

  • Like 2

I felt like I could run forever, like I could smell the wind and feel the grass under my feet, and just run forever.

Current Challenge: #24 - Mrs. Cosmopolite Challenge

Past: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6,  #7#8, #9#10, #11a & #11b, #12, #13, #14, #15, #16, #17, #18, #19, #20, #21, #22, #23

Link to comment
2 hours ago, Salinger said:

Am i fighting with myself too much? Should i accept routine doesnt work? If not then what?

I've felt this shitty way before as well.  It's the idea of getting into a rut and then not being able to make a change stick.  I wish it was as easy as, "do a little bit at a time and it'll work out" but I've found I'm more of a man of extremes and need to completely reevaluate wtf I'm doing and jump in 100% and tell myself that I'm 'doing this no matter what'.  Mileage obviously may vary.

  • Like 1
Link to comment

I am in agreeance with @sarakingdom that maybe your gym efforts would be more beneficial (right now) going towards looking for a grief or body image therapist. Disclaimer about how I talk from personal experience and observances and how you know you best and I could be way off base.  Everything is coming from a place of love. I feel joining the gym right now will just end up in guilt and wasted money. Been there, done that. I felt I should be going to the gym but my heart wasn't in it 100% and once the novelty of the gym wore off it just became something I paid for and didn't do which made me feel guilty and shitty about myself. You are already in a place where you feel shitty about yourself (by the sounds of it). You have easy access to your bike and stationary bike but you haven't been able to really lock down a solid routine with them. I don't see you getting more free time to haul yourself to the gym, especially since you sound even busier than before. But all that being said, if you are revved up and you know for sure the gym is where you see yourself and it is the outlet you need to pull yourself out of your funk then I am all for it and support you. But finding someone who can help work with you about your grief and body issues.. that might be more what you need right now. Just something to think about.  Now again, grain of salt...  ❤️ And so much love. 



Ack almost forgot! Congrats on the big 4-0 challenge!

 nene leakes television GIF by RealityTVGIFs

  • Like 2

{Chase the wind and touch the sky; I will fly}


Link to comment

Thank you ALL for such thoughtful and wonderful messages. I appreciate them so much and lots to think about ❤️


This morning i drove Rox to work, then drove to my mums to walk the dogs whilst she is at work. Im knackered. 


Its almost 3pm, im working on funding app, i need to wash the dishes and i feel a little bit sicky. 


Mum gets home around 7pm, will have a cuppa together then ill drive back to Manchester at 8/9pm. 

BUSY day. 


Anyway, its fine. Need to stop complaining so much. 


Tomorrow is clean/tidy, WORK on funding application, then meet friends for a drink if the sun is out. 


Saturday a few of Rox's friends are coming over for the night .... Sunday, tattoo.....and sort a food shop to be delivered and general house chores. 


Monday a new bloody week!!!!


More later xx





  • Like 3
Link to comment
9 minutes ago, Rookie said:

Great picture! ❤️ 


You are getting a tattoo? 😮  did you say what of? 


I also need to stop complaining. I fall into a cycle where I just constantly complain and sometimes I just need to be like "Hey you... stop that". 


Thanks, pretty pleased with it hehe


Ah yes, no not said yet. I have  A LOT of tattoos already.... so i get new ones now and again. 


Its actually a couply tatt hahhahaha


Me and Rox adore this song, by a queer artist....


The first lines are 'Is it whiskey? Is it beer?'  - Rox is getting the first part and im getting is it beer?








❤️ ❤️

  • Like 2
Link to comment

Here to support your triumphant return to the gym!  One step at a time!

  • Like 1

“And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.” John Steinbeck

“Do I dare disturb the universe?” – T.S. Eliot

“You wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down.” – Toni Morrison

"All we have to do is decide what to do with the time given to us" JRR Tolkien


Human Bard: CON 2, WIS 5, INT 1, CHA 2


Current Challenge: Nova Levels Up (and maybe doesn't abandon a challenge...)

Link to comment
On 5/6/2021 at 6:16 PM, Salinger said:



This is pretty good. I'm not sure if I want it indelibly etched on my fleshy areas, but each to their own. 

Hello btw. Glad you're back after all. 


Looks like you are getting a lot of good advice up there 👆 from sensible people. There are some good people on here aren't there. 


Following mostly to hang around nagging you to ride your bike, but I'll settle for news of a gym visit or even that you've taken Sara's advice to look at some flowers and then shit. I'm not sure why that works but I guess she knows what she's doing. It's good for the soil i suppose. 

  • Like 2

Level 20 Ferret Demon Scout

STR 43 | DEX 21 | STA 49 | CON 30 | WIS 45 | CHA 21

Challenges: #1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6 #7 #8 #9 #10 #11 #12 #13 #14 #15 #16 #17 #18 #19 #20 #21 #22 #23 #24 #25

Instagram | Wordpress | Twitter | Linkedin | Goodreads | Facebook: *spits* I despise facebook!

Valeu a pena? Tudo vale a pena Se a alma não é pequena.

Link to comment

Hi Sal! Looks like I missed some life updates while I was away but I am here now! So glad things are still lovely with R ^_^ I recall before you moved in you thought you might go for bike rides together- perhaps plan a couple of those throughout this challenge period? I’m still a big fan of riding while you watch the footy if you’re able to hear enough of what it going on. It is a regular activity for you (the footy), linking the stationary bike to it might help to get in some exercise without feeling like it is taking up more of your precious time (coz you’re function stacking and using that same time already carved out for footy to also get in some gentle bike kms).

I agree with the above posters who have suggested therapy. I’ve got into therapy this year and it has been so helpful. Getting in to some of the roots of my people pleasing/problem solving/catastrophising perfectionism by mentally visiting with my child self is not something I would have been able or willing to do by myself, but with the pro guiding me through I’ve been able to offer myself kindness. I don’t know what the pricing of therapy is like where you are, but whatever money you would have put towards the gym might be better aimed at the brain gym. Do a couple YouTube workouts or a lovely ride with Rox to tick the “at least one workout” box, and fling your energy at getting a pro to help you set up a good foundation.

Here is where I try and make an analogy that may or may not make sense...

You are a canvas, and you want to be an amazing piece of art. The canvas has been in storage and at one stage it slid down onto the floor. There is dust and grime and oh-my-is-that-bird-turd? The material has come away from the frame in places, so is not as taut as it needs to be. Should the artist jump right in and start putting paint on, jumping straight to the vibrant end colours? Presumably not. First she must take the canvas up off the floor. Dust it off with care and enlist help to tighten the material and pin it down firmly. Special cleaning might be needed to dislodge the bird turd and then a little time for it to dry and settle before she starts gently with an undercoat and slowly builds the art from there. Frustrated as she may be that the dust and the turds and the loosening happened, beating on the canvas with a stick will not help, it’s not a carpet after all, no she must be gentle and know that she might have to go a little backwards before she can create the art she knows will be brilliant.


Take care of you ❤️ Here to support you in whatever way you need xXx

  • Like 2
Link to comment
13 hours ago, 18ck said:

Hi. How was your w/e? 


Was nice thanks, more below! x


10 hours ago, Maggie-Miau said:

*sends hugs* heyoo, Sal ❤️ how are you?


Im ok thanks Mia, hope you are too? x


6 hours ago, Teros said:



Thanks Teros!!! x



- And thank you @Yasha92 so good to see you around ❤️ what a wonderful post you sent me. Thanks so much....






Hey morning all. 9.30am just back from dropping of Rox at work. 


Im tired, been a great weekend. Met a couple of new friends of Rox's who i got on with SO SO well :D saw some of my mates too.... rested a lot and got tattooed :)


Went to bed early last night, slept from 9.30pm to 6am.  I could still have more rest tho hahaha


in about 30/45mins a food shop delivery will be coming. Lots of good healthy stuff !


Ill put that all away then maybe a 30 min nap, then work on funding application for the rest of the day. Then pick up Rox at 5pm 


Might make a chilli as well actually, in the slow cooker mmmmmm


I will be sitting down later and planning a couple of upcoming weeks and adding in some exercise/gym work. 




  • Like 5
Link to comment

Hey all. 2.30am. We went to bed around 9.30pm as both exhausted. But i couldnt sleep much from 12...so got up and made a tea. Rox is fast asleep of course hahah


Annoying really as i have a busy day ahead of me. 


Studio...two meetings, application to carry on writing, emails to get through and website to build. Aghhh 


Prefer the day being busy though. 


I made a lovely veggie chilli yesterday, which went down well! 


Tonight will likely be salad, with chicken perhaps mmmmmm or tuna or quiche. 


I have been trying hard not to focus on the self hate so much, but really is difficult. I am going to try to schedule a therapy session for next week. 



  • Like 3
Link to comment

Food sounds delish!


Well done on taking the first steps towards brushing off that canvas x

  • Like 2
Link to comment

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Create New...

Important Information

New here? Please check out our Privacy Policy and Community Guidelines