Juliebarkley boxes up her life

[juliebarkley]

My chances of moving in the next 1-3 months have just shot through the roof, so this challenge will be a pivot into preparing for that.

 

Fortunately for me, I am not a good little consumer, so I don't tend to acquire a ton of stuff. Unfortunately for me, this means that I often have trouble getting rid of the stuff I do have, because I made a conscious choice to acquire it and have now formed an emotional bond of sorts. I may be one of the few Westerners who really took to the advice to thank your things for what they have done for you before getting rid of them. It gives me a chance to acknowledge the value of the item to me in the past, run through my memories, and give it a respectful, loving send-off. Basically, we get to have a good breakup with closure.

 

There's going to be a lot of that coming up. So while I have not abandoned my time blocks or my trusty rusty D&D structure, that's all going to have to take a back seat this challenge. (Maybe a quickie report on how it went just to keep myself somewhat accountable.) This one's going to be all about the stuff.

 

My plan is twofold: I must identify categories of stuff and commence the purging and/or packing, and I must tidy areas that are visibly messy as there will be viewings, photos, and suchlike at some point. The details of this plan are still nebulous (which means nailing them down is a good goal for today, no?)

 

As always, my challenge will be a basic summary of my goals and how I hit them (or don't) on a daily basis without a lot else. With any luck, it will be a series of boring but successful reports. So follow along if you like me (I appreciate the support!), but don't expect me to entertain you.

[Jupiter]

Following! Good luck with the decluttering and the moving.  

[Scaly Freak]

Moving is a lot of work! Following in an effort to cheer you on.  

[Harriet]

Boring but successful is fine, lol. Better than wildly entertaining and disastrous failures.

[WhiteGhost]

6 hours ago, juliebarkley said:

My chances of moving in the next 1-3 months have just shot through the roof

Are you coming over here?

[Mad Hatter]

Or are you running away to Mexico?  

[juliebarkley]

7 hours ago, Jupiter said:

Following! Good luck with the decluttering and the moving.  

Thanks! I will need it!

 

5 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

Moving is a lot of work! Following in an effort to cheer you on.  

I know; I just made a list of all my categories of stuff 😳. Thanks for being here!

 

2 hours ago, Harriet said:

Boring but successful is fine, lol. Better than wildly entertaining and disastrous failures.

The latter is fun to read about, not so much fun to live.

 

1 hour ago, WhiteGhost said:

Are you coming over here?

.......

 

Watch your doorstep?

 

1 hour ago, Mad Hatter said:

Or are you running away to Mexico?  

Sadly no. But someday in the not-so-distant future I will give it a try. You're welcome to come with when you tire of the midnight sun. To adventure!

 

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I figured out how I am going to tackle this project, with the help of my surprisingly enthusiastic child. (He loves decluttering and is very excited to finally finish the KonMari. 🤷‍♀️) We used the internet to pull up a general categorization of the stuff a house usually contains, then adapted this to our actual house situation by breaking some categories down further and combining or eliminating others. We also just removed books entirely (except for the sale books pile) because that was all of last year's project and I am not doing it again it is done. The final list has a little over 100 categories of stuff. That's a lot of categories, but most of them are small enough to be manageable in a couple of hours max. The trouble is that some of the categories are not nicely housed in one place, like tops or hair care, but scattered throughout the house in random places. Lego, in particular, seems to have learned to spread via spores and is growing in every drawer, cupboard, and random box in every room of the house. Step one will be to corral the wayward categories while clearing surfaces and sorting piles of stuff in the dreaded basement. I am tempted to work on some of the more well-behaved categories while doing this, but experience tells me that items that belong to them turn up in the weirdest of places, so it is better to be a little patient.

 

I'm planning to be overwhelmed by this sorting in the middle, panic a little, then pull myself together and finish. But my son is so damn keen that I think he may get started while I'm at work tomorrow, so perhaps I will not make it to the overwhelm stage. Time will tell.

 

Elements today had two new moves: the cross-legged bear and toe-pulling monkey. The bear variation is easy for me; the monkey variation is super hard. Tabletop to squat level hard.

 

I have only ten minutes left to eat so I must run and do that. Good night!

[Epsilonte]

Love me a good decluttering challenge.  It's great that your son is so enthusiastic about this! 

[sarakingdom]

8 hours ago, juliebarkley said:

You're welcome to come with when you tire of the midnight sun.

 

The midnight sun is fine. It's the midday moon that's more of an issue...

[Mad Hatter]

9 hours ago, juliebarkley said:

Sadly no. But someday in the not-so-distant future I will give it a try. You're welcome to come with when you tire of the midnight sun. To adventure!

If I haven't moved by then, deal!  

 

1 hour ago, sarakingdom said:

The midnight sun is fine. It's the midday moon that's more of an issue...

True, though the midnight sun (or nearly where I live) still wreaks havoc on sleep. But I love it!

[juliebarkley]

18 hours ago, Epsilonte said:

Love me a good decluttering challenge.  It's great that your son is so enthusiastic about this! 

It makes things a heck of a lot easier, that is for sure. Especially since the other household member is likely going to be very ... resistant ... to parting with things.

 

11 hours ago, sarakingdom said:

The midnight sun is fine. It's the midday moon that's more of an issue...

Either way, the offer stands.

 

10 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

If I haven't moved by then, deal!  

I will remember this.

 

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First day of decluttering did not involve actual decluttering, but the commencement of sorting. We did an hour of putting similar things in known places, sometimes labelling boxes to put them in, sometimes, just moving them to live in the same part of the shelf/room. We actually got further with this rough sort than I thought we would, which is a good sign! Still a ways to go, but I think this system will work. (I have a lot of jigsaw puzzles, it seems. And craft supplies. This last pile is a wee bit bigger than I thought. But every time I try to weed the craft supplies, nothing goes away. Help.)

[juliebarkley]

Much shifting, lifting, packing, and puzzling. Half the basement is completely done; the other half well under way. It should be completely finished by the end of next day we work on it. There likely won't be much, if anything, done on it tomorrow though, because I have other things to get done tomorrow. A handful of categories (including the aforementioned craft supplies) are completely out of control. But that is the purpose of the gathering phase - to show you just how much you have accumulated - which will hopefully help with the discarding phase later. Hopefully.

 

Exercise was the basement shifting. My back is killing me. I took a walk too, so there was that. I did almost nothing else all day though. I have to eat but I don't want to. So I shall be force-feeding myself so I don't die tomorrow, I guess. At least I get to read the book I started last night while doing so. I am dipping my toes into the romance genre, which is new to me, to see what it is like. So far, so good. Night all.

 

 

[Epsilonte]

Yay for getting half the basement done!

Not so yay on the eating stuff, hope you found something nice and enjoyable (and are still alive today ❤️ ). 

 

How is your book?

[juliebarkley]

On 5/8/2021 at 3:25 PM, Epsilonte said:

Yay for getting half the basement done!

Not so yay on the eating stuff, hope you found something nice and enjoyable (and are still alive today ❤️ ). 

 

How is your book?

I am still alive!

 

The book is good so far. The two main characters feel very real and relatable. The author is show-don't-tell regarding the character's feelings, and due to my own deficits I think I missed some things I was meant to pick up on. But I'm looking forward to going back to it tonight, so I'd call that a good sign.

 

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Yesterday was all computer stuff; no progress to report on the stuff stuff.

 

Today was more computer stuff, but will move onto basement sorting very shortly. A couple of hours should polish it off. Then all the random drawers, cupboards, and closets upstairs, and then the PURGING, mwahaha. Shifting was the closest I got to exercise, and I did sort a bunch of dumbbells into an "indoor exercise" box, so I lifted weights a little?

 

What do y'all do with random screws that you find lying about? I am finding them everywhere.

 

PS. On the off-chance that anyone is looking for a language practice partner...

S'il y a quelqu'un ici qui cherche quelqu'un avec qui tu peux bavarder en français, moi je le cherche aussi.

Se iu ĉi tie volas babili esperante sed ne trovis konversacian partneron, mi ankaux serĉas.

Mi español es muy bajo, pero quieres hablar conmigo?

[WhiteGhost]

On 5/10/2021 at 8:34 AM, juliebarkley said:

What do y'all do with random screws that you find lying about? I am finding them everywhere.

I have a small box in our tool cupboard for random screws, bolts nuts, and other paraphernalia.  Every so often it gets emptied because they are rarely ever used.

 

On 5/10/2021 at 8:34 AM, juliebarkley said:

S'il y a quelqu'un ici qui cherche quelqu'un avec qui tu peux bavarder en français, moi je le cherche aussi.

Se iu ĉi tie volas babili esperante sed ne trovis konversacian partneron, mi ankaux serĉas.

Mi español es muy bajo, pero quieres hablar conmigo?

我这几个语言的水平恐怕跟不上  

[Scaly Freak]

 

On 5/9/2021 at 6:34 PM, juliebarkley said:

PS. On the off-chance that anyone is looking for a language practice partner...

S'il y a quelqu'un ici qui cherche quelqu'un avec qui tu peux bavarder en français, moi je le cherche aussi.

Se iu ĉi tie volas babili esperante sed ne trovis konversacian partneron, mi ankaux serĉas.

Mi español es muy bajo, pero quieres hablar conmigo?

 

10 minutes ago, WhiteGhost said:

 

我这几个语言的水平恐怕跟不上  

 

Samma här...

[sarakingdom]

On 5/9/2021 at 7:34 PM, juliebarkley said:

What do y'all do with random screws that you find lying about?

 

Swipe left, usually.

 

23 minutes ago, WhiteGhost said:

I have a small box in our tool cupboard for random screws, bolts nuts, and other paraphernalia.  Every so often it gets emptied because they are rarely ever used.

 

Or this, but my dad and all the spirits of my ancestors would be disappointed if I didn't sort and organize them rather than discard them.

[juliebarkley]

3 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

我这几个语言的水平恐怕跟不上  

2 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

Samma här...

Says Mister Learned-Three-of-the-Hardest-Languages-for-English-Speakers and Mistress Speaks-English-Like-A-Native.

 

2 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

I have a small box in our tool cupboard for random screws, bolts nuts, and other paraphernalia.  Every so often it gets emptied because they are rarely ever used.

I already have more than one small box, sadly. And we did at one point have so many in the sheds that we couldn't actually lift the container. Perhaps we still do.

 

2 hours ago, sarakingdom said:

Or this, but my dad and all the spirits of my ancestors would be disappointed if I didn't sort and organize them rather than discard them.

I think my ancestors are hoarders who are hiding screws in my house.

 

2 hours ago, sarakingdom said:

Swipe left, usually.

You mean if I sign up for Tinder and offer up free screws, someone will come and relieve me of my problem? Hmmm...... Would it even be false advertising? 🤔

 

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The basement is done. The other rooms have commenced. This part is less satisfying though. The categories are now mostly created, so it's just deciding what needs to stay because it's being used, sorting through a bunch of small things, putting them away if nearby, or putting them in a basket and then trotting around delivering them like the Easter bunny when it's full. Clearing a tiny area just takes so much longer. The coffee table and the area immediately around the TV are done, and I think I broke my cat's heart collecting cat toys from all over the house. She looked so scared, poor thing. I'll have to fast track that category so that I can restore her meagre possessions to her ASAP.

[juliebarkley]

The living room is now free of random stuff on surfaces (except for the stuff categories that live here), and the dining room has begun. The top of the basement stairs are also clear of anything that's not food. I discovered that a vent in the stairs has been blocked with Easter hay so that you can't see through it from above; quality construction. The cats have had half their toys restored to them. Among the discarded ones are toys with the feathers eaten down to the cores (not a single piece of fluff; I could only identify them as feathers because I know how they looked before) and rabbit fur mice with the eyes, nose, and all the fur chewed off until it is bare skin. Vicious predators indeed.

 

There was a lot of news today, and I think I overdosed on it. I was reading because I find the subjects interesting, but one particular news topic touches me (and over 20 million other people) directly if it goes bad and I am apparently more worried about it than I thought. I have had that anxious sick feeling in my gut all evening, and I just can't shake it. I'm not generally the doomscrolling type. I know the healthy way to do news is to not worry about what you can't change: occasionally you can make some difference, but mostly you should just read enough to have some idea what's going on so that you can prepare yourself for possible outcomes. (Though I hypocrite on this and read lots about things I can't change, this is because I enjoy the topics; they might make me angry sometimes but not anxious like this.) This is not one of those issues where I could make any difference; it's a hope for the best, prepare for the worst one. I guess I just don't know how to prepare though, and although I want to say that the likelihood of the worst outcome is low, seeing the political firepower starting to line up on the opposing side is making me question that. On a psychological level I am not sure how to handle this situation.

[Mad Hatter]

On 5/11/2021 at 8:22 AM, juliebarkley said:

I already have more than one small box, sadly. And we did at one point have so many in the sheds that we couldn't actually lift the container. Perhaps we still do.

I'm going to assume that you clearly have too many and/or not used that often (otherwise they'd be organized or at least you'd know what you have 😛). My suggestion is you find all the boxes, pour out the content in a bit pile, and at random pick up a few fistfuls of screws or at most an amount to fit a small box. Discard the rest.

 

3 hours ago, juliebarkley said:

On a psychological level I am not sure how to handle this situation.

I have no clue, but fingers crossed for you. 

[Scaly Freak]

9 hours ago, juliebarkley said:

There was a lot of news today, and I think I overdosed on it. I was reading because I find the subjects interesting, but one particular news topic touches me (and over 20 million other people) directly if it goes bad and I am apparently more worried about it than I thought. I have had that anxious sick feeling in my gut all evening, and I just can't shake it.

 

I know this feeling all too well. I had to stop reading certain kinds of news for a large part of 2020. I'm slowly easing my way back, but I'm still not handling certain topics well. What seems to help me is to find someone I trust and talk it out. Vent the anxious feelings through whatever words it takes, and that's why it needs to be someone I trust and know well - it works better if I don't have to make sure I use "correct words", or have to worry about coming across as too emotional or biased on the topic in question. And then I vent how it makes me feel, and try to figure out why, and after I've had this conversation I tend to feel better. It's amazing how much the magic there is in the short phrase "I understand why you're worried"  

 

9 hours ago, juliebarkley said:

This is not one of those issues where I could make any difference; it's a hope for the best, prepare for the worst one. I guess I just don't know how to prepare though, and although I want to say that the likelihood of the worst outcome is low, seeing the political firepower starting to line up on the opposing side is making me question that. On a psychological level I am not sure how to handle this situation.

 

Yeah, these are the worst ones. Actively doing something to prepare, if you can, would most likely help you feel less powerless, and that often makes a difference. Good luck and I hope you find a way to feel better soon!

[juliebarkley]

10 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

I'm going to assume that you clearly have too many and/or not used that often (otherwise they'd be organized or at least you'd know what you have 😛). My suggestion is you find all the boxes, pour out the content in a bit pile, and at random pick up a few fistfuls of screws or at most an amount to fit a small box. Discard the rest.

You assume correctly. I personally would love to do just that. However, my family member would blow a gasket at discarding things that are "perfectly good". I think I'm going to collect them and then delegate that job to them, in the hopes that they will at least be convinced not to move them. If they want to sort and try to give them away, that's their loss of time, not mine.

 

5 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

I know this feeling all too well. I had to stop reading certain kinds of news for a large part of 2020. I'm slowly easing my way back, but I'm still not handling certain topics well. What seems to help me is to find someone I trust and talk it out. Vent the anxious feelings through whatever words it takes, and that's why it needs to be someone I trust and know well - it works better if I don't have to make sure I use "correct words", or have to worry about coming across as too emotional or biased on the topic in question. And then I vent how it makes me feel, and try to figure out why, and after I've had this conversation I tend to feel better. It's amazing how much the magic there is in the short phrase "I understand why you're worried"  

That would require having someone that meets that definition around to vent to, unfortunately. I coincidentally ended up discussing the issue elsewhere immediately after this post, in a long and winding discussion after which I did indeed feel better, but my emotions on this issue were not much more than "this makes me anxious", so there was not much vulnerability there. If I were more emotionally invested and had to really worry about my language and how the other person might take it, I don't think it would have gone down so well and I would likely have been too afraid to try. I have no one to talk to but my son, and there's a limit to how much I will throw at him because that's not his place.

 

I've never had the sorts of friends where we shared emotional vulnerabilities - that seems to me like a highly intimate thing that requires a great deal of trust. I've never understood how others seem to do this so easily (by comparison). I don't even know how you'd go about starting such a conversation. "Can I dump my brokenness out in front of you so we can pick through it together?" does not sound especially appealing from either end of the conversation. Any suggestions here would be greatly appreciated, because I actually do have a thing that I don't particularly want to talk about (because, terrifying and uncomfortable), but desperately need to talk about with someone who would understand, because self-acceptance is not coming and I don't think it will any other way. But I don't know anyone who would understand, and I've read too many stories of people going to therapy with similar issues and having the therapist do active harm to consider that as a first step (even if I could afford it). I don't know what to do.

 

Well this has been a cheery post, hasn't it.

 

5 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

Yeah, these are the worst ones. Actively doing something to prepare, if you can, would most likely help you feel less powerless, and that often makes a difference. Good luck and I hope you find a way to feel better soon!

I have no idea how to prepare for the worst case, and that is indeed the problem. Perhaps I will come up with something. Thanks for the well wishes!

[Scaly Freak]

5 hours ago, juliebarkley said:

I've never had the sorts of friends where we shared emotional vulnerabilities - that seems to me like a highly intimate thing that requires a great deal of trust. I've never understood how others seem to do this so easily (by comparison). I don't even know how you'd go about starting such a conversation. "Can I dump my brokenness out in front of you so we can pick through it together?" does not sound especially appealing from either end of the conversation. 

 

For me the conversations start with, "I need to vent!" and then I vent, and the person lets me. It's not as important to me that they understand, as long as they are willing to listen without judging, but that's me and everyone is different.

 

6 hours ago, juliebarkley said:

Any suggestions here would be greatly appreciated, because I actually do have a thing that I don't particularly want to talk about (because, terrifying and uncomfortable), but desperately need to talk about with someone who would understand, because self-acceptance is not coming and I don't think it will any other way. But I don't know anyone who would understand, and I've read too many stories of people going to therapy with similar issues and having the therapist do active harm to consider that as a first step (even if I could afford it). I don't know what to do.

 

I've been thinking about this all afternoon and half the evening, but frustratingly haven't made any progress and have no suggestions. Sorry.  I hope you find someone.

[Kishi]

7 hours ago, juliebarkley said:

I've never had the sorts of friends where we shared emotional vulnerabilities - that seems to me like a highly intimate thing that requires a great deal of trust. I've never understood how others seem to do this so easily (by comparison). I don't even know how you'd go about starting such a conversation. "Can I dump my brokenness out in front of you so we can pick through it together?" does not sound especially appealing from either end of the conversation. Any suggestions here would be greatly appreciated, because I actually do have a thing that I don't particularly want to talk about (because, terrifying and uncomfortable), but desperately need to talk about with someone who would understand, because self-acceptance is not coming and I don't think it will any other way. But I don't know anyone who would understand, and I've read too many stories of people going to therapy with similar issues and having the therapist do active harm to consider that as a first step (even if I could afford it). I don't know what to do.

 

That's a tough place to be. I don't really have any answers for you on that part, but I hope you find such a person sooner rather than later. And I hope the burden sits well on you until then.

 

On 5/7/2021 at 12:22 AM, juliebarkley said:

First day of decluttering did not involve actual decluttering, but the commencement of sorting.

 

Effing yes. This is the thing nobody talks about with cleaning up - you have to clean up before you can even start to clean up!

 

It's a pyramid scheme, I tells ya!

[juliebarkley]

2 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

For me the conversations start with, "I need to vent!" and then I vent, and the person lets me. It's not as important to me that they understand, as long as they are willing to listen without judging, but that's me and everyone is different.

I guess my emotions tend to run still but deep, and rarely to the kind of anger that requires venting.

 

2 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

I've been thinking about this all afternoon and half the evening, but frustratingly haven't made any progress and have no suggestions. Sorry.  I hope you find someone.

Wow, thanks. I was not expecting that. Thank you for caring. I am touched.

 

1 hour ago, Kishi said:

That's a tough place to be. I don't really have any answers for you on that part, but I hope you find such a person sooner rather than later. And I hope the burden sits well on you until then.

Eh, I would have to trust the person too, and that takes time. I will just keep doing what I've been doing for years - shunting it into a corner until it breaks free and sends me over the edge of self-pity/self-hate for a bit. Then round it up and stuff it back in the corner. I'm not dying or anything. I could just be living rather better and being kinder to myself is all. At least once, something that needed resolving got much worse shortly before markedly improving because it was finally being examined and wrestled with, so heck, maybe the extra misery right now is even a good sign. Or maybe I'll eventually be willing to settle for "won't judge or dismiss" instead of "understands" - that would be somewhat easier to find, though still super awkward to initiate. And thank you for the well wishes also.

 

1 hour ago, Kishi said:

Effing yes. This is the thing nobody talks about with cleaning up - you have to clean up before you can even start to clean up!

 

It's a pyramid scheme, I tells ya!

Even with decluttering, for serious. Though to be fair, Ms. Kondo is pretty up front about the gather-before-you-purge thing. She just makes the gathering process sound trivial and logical, and it most certainly is not. (Do you know how many places I had to look for cat toys? And they are still turning up in the oddest places, because cats are furry agents of chaos. And I found a screw amongst the potted plants today - since when are plants mechanical?!)

 

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Slow day that somehow disappeared without getting a lot done. But there was some outdoor sunshine time, which was lovely. And we gorged on cookies and Chinese food by way of an Eid celebration. I did polish off the dining room for sorting, and will move on to the kitchen tomorrow. It has some of the worst clutter-filled areas in the house, so I could be there for a few days. Or not. It's hard to predict the time each surface will take, I tell you.