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This is stupid. I’m going to spend the next day and a half stabbing myself repeatedly because I have no idea what my blood sugar is going to do about 48 hours without solid food. I have a bottle of apple juice so I’m not going to die, but still. I’m also trying to stay hydrated while not constantly drinking something because reflux. God I hate my body. And I’m hungry, so that’s fun. If anyone needs me I’ll just be here sulking for the next day and a half. 

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Asked my father to drive me back to the urgent care place to drop off the stuff because I don’t feel great after not eating for 24 hours and didn’t want to risk driving. I’ll spare you all the details but it was about as fun a drive as you’d expect and I probably would have been better if I’d just gone myself. 

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I gave up. I was googling what other foods are acceptable on this “brat” diet and basically all the info on it was different from what the woman told me last night. In addition to my blood sugar constantly flirting with being too low every time I’ve checked it today. So I’m eating food. I’ll call my doctor in the morning and see what they have to say or if they can give me better advice for managing my blood sugar without eating, since the woman last night was just like “don’t worry you’ll be fine.”

 

Im going to regret this. I just drank some apple juice and I can feel my stomach getting angry. Blaaaaah. 

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Messaged my doctor about the diet and also another GI issue I've been having. I was hoping the latter would resolve with getting my shit together but the internet tells me it may or not all be related so whatthefuckever. I do feel better after having eaten food and haven't developed any extra terrible symptoms so fingers crossed. 

 

I hate my brain though. Whatever is going on with me right now is probably nothing serious. And yet I'm sitting here overanalyzing every sensation in my body wondering which one is going to be the one that kills me. Oh no I feel hot, do I have a fever? No, it's just fucking summer. And similar bullshit. And I'm just so tired of it. And I love that one of the things that's supposed to help reflux and pretty much all my other issues is reducing stress. That's never going to fucking happen. blah my life is a joke.  

 

This week's appointments with my nutritionist and therapist are going to be so much fun.

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I'm looking at job postings and came across this one at Harvard. Of course it's Harvard. "Director of the Office of BGLTQ Student Life will direct all initiatives related to supporting bisexual, gay, lesbian, transgender, queer and questioning (BGLTQ)" Y'all the alphabet soup is already complicated enough, you don't need to start scrambling the letters. 😧

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18 minutes ago, fleaball said:

I'm looking at job postings and came across this one at Harvard. Of course it's Harvard. "Director of the Office of BGLTQ Student Life will direct all initiatives related to supporting bisexual, gay, lesbian, transgender, queer and questioning (BGLTQ)" Y'all the alphabet soup is already complicated enough, you don't need to start scrambling the letters. 😧

Scrambled alphabet soup is the spice of life!

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Put together enough small wins over a long enough period of time, and you’ll find yourself in high level gear fighting dragons before you know it.

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2 minutes ago, Whisper said:

Scrambled alphabet soup is the spice of life!

grumpy-cat-says-no.jpg

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Predictably, my doctor did not respond to my message. Instead I got a call from a receptionist this morning saying my doctor wanted me to make an appt with a nurse. So that’s tomorrow morning and it’s actually not with either of the nurses I hate, which is exciting. 
 

I told my nutritionist about the urgent care visit and she made some very interesting faces in response to the prescribed diet. So now I don’t feel so bad. She did tell me to try a low-fiber diet for the next week and also lowish in animal protein, so there’s that. She’s not on board with cutting out dairy yet since I’m still not comfortable with preparing my own food and cheese is an easy way to go. Makes sense, I was kinda concerned about that myself. And I also need to do two job applications before I see her next week so fml. 
 

As far as the stomach troubles, so far so good. I seem to be getting better despite having gone back to my usual garbage diet. Fingers crossed. I just put in a grocery order for some stuff that will satisfy the low fiber stuff for the week so that should work out. (Frozen veg vs raw, for example.) And now I’m going back to bed bc fuck being alive rn 

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The most disinterested-sounding robot voice I've ever heard just called to tell me my social security number has been compromised. I was sorely tempted to 'press 1 to speak to an officer' just to see what they had to say, but I haven't had coffee yet. Oh well. Next time.

 

edit: damn. now that the opportunity has passed I wish I'd just talked to them and insisted I didn't have a social security number because my parents raised me off the grid or something. That would have been sufficiently off script for these people.

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I asked my father to clean up cat barf in my room because I tried and nearly added to it instead. So he reluctantly did but then started a stream of commentary and got mad when I asked him to please stop because it was going to make me puke. 
 

Ten minutes later my brother wakes up and it turns out he has an eye infection. He’s not sure if it’s conjunctivitis or keratitis, the former being contagious af and the latter apparently not at all. Conveniently he has his annual eye exam in half an hour. But my father is currently losing his shit over it. It’s absolutely incredible how when he’s sick he gives absolutely no fucks about hygiene and not spreading it, but when anyone else is sick he’s three seconds away from having a heart attack over it and demands the sick person wear a hazmat suit with Clorox wipes for hands. 

 

(And yet on the other other hand, he wouldn’t go get the covid vaccine until he was practically embarrassed into it. He met up with a couple guys he used to work with at the house of another guy who’s dying a slow painful death thanks to throat cancer. It was more or less a say goodbye type thing. Everyone except my father and the sick guy were fully vaccinated at that point, and they were all younger and in better overall health than my father. So then he went and got it because he looked bad or something.)

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Once again I wound up on a marketing list instead of my mother. Our names aren't that similar. But this one was AMAC, the Association of Mature American Citizens, which is apparently the conservative answer to AARP. I went to the site in incognito mode to tell them to take me off their list but I still feel dirty and might need to bleach my computer. Of course before I opened the envelope and figured out what it was I asked my father if he'd heard of it, so then he went off on a rant about sneaky liberals and whatever the fuck else. New goal: get off zoloft so I can drink again. Not sure how I'm going to deal with him much longer without mind-altering substances.

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I’m going to light my brother on fire. It never fails that as soon as I think “I’m gonna go to bed now,” no matter what time it is, he beats me to the bathroom and I have to wait 45 minutes to brush my teeth and get ready for bed. It’s even better right now, because this time he texted me from the bathroom “if I go to bed soon can you feed the cats breakfast?” Breakfast is at 5:30am. So now I have to get up and do that. And then get up for a virtual appointment with a nurse at 10am. And then therapy at noon. So there is not a lot of sleep in my future and I am pissed. Could I have said no? Sure. But 9 times out of 10 Boobcat is an asshole who comes in and screams at me to let me know breakfast is due in half an hour anyway so what the fuck ever. 
 

wow I just got wicked deja vu. That’s fun. 
 

anyway. My nutritionist said no caffeine for a week to let my body heal from the chaos of this past week. Ummmmm yeah not starting that today, sorry. 

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Nurse I saw agrees with my nutritionist, low fiber diet for a while to get everything back to normal. Awesome. We also discussed the other GI issue I’d mentioned to my pcp (reflux and other associated fun) and she ordered some blood work, an endoscopy, and another fucking stool sample. I am so over this. I hate poop. T_____T

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48 minutes ago, Whisper said:

Any chance of just getting the information from the last sample sent over to you PCP?

Sadly no, they're looking for something entirely different. Good suggestion though. The urgent care I go to is part of the same system as my PCP and I do it on purpose (as opposed to more conveniently located options run by other companies) so they can access all the records and notes and stuff. So the nurse this morning was like "oh I see you did this a few days ago but yeah do it again." On the plus side, whatever tests the urgent care ordered are still running but she could see that so far nothing has developed so there's that? 

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To do list for the day:

 

- go back to sleep

- drop my night guard in denture cleaner and do whatever other cleaning it needs

- take a shower

- dinner: microwave a potato with cheese and salsa.

- change my sheets if there's ever a time where there are no cats on my bed

- post new challenge

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Fuck. Fresh salsa probably counts as raw veg. Oops. Whatever, probably less fiber-y than raw broccoli or something. 

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11 hours ago, fleaball said:

To do list for the day:

 

- go back to sleep

- drop my night guard in denture cleaner and do whatever other cleaning it needs

- take a shower

- dinner: microwave a potato with cheese and salsa.

- change my sheets if there's ever a time where there are no cats on my bed

- post new challenge

I took a shower. The end. I did attempt to go back to sleep but boobcat had other plans for me. As a result I hit a wall and have been a zombie all day. I’m going to bed shortly so hopefully it balances out. 

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