Are you Kidding!? Doe respawns...again!

[Doe]

When we last met, the very awkward Doe was wondering "is this real life?"

My first Nerd Fitness Challenge was back in 2015. Since then, I have a habit of popping back in every couple of years. Came back for the 10th anniversary challenge as the apocalypse unfolded like a slow-motion car wreck. Life got weird quick. Fall is fire season, we had awful air quality and a couple days where the sky was actually orange.  Luckily for me, I completed my long awaited Calexit to the South in October.  

 

 
I keep coming back, that's all that counts right? 

Despite the chaos, I've done okay with my health and fitness goals. Well, I'm getting to "okay".  This challenge truly feels like a respawn because it's my first not focused on dieting and weight loss. Spending so much time at home, it became clear I had some food/body issues. Started seeing an eating disorder dietician, support group, and told my therapist, "I know you mean well but stop telling me count calories".  

 

Focusing on two important areas for my overall well being: fitness and work. 
 

 

Fitness-wise, transitioning from gym to home work-out has been pretty cool. But without classes and dance practice, I only do stuff I want  to do. So now, I can do squats till next Tuesday but barely a lunge without feeling like I'm going to topple over. Also, I rarely stretch.  Since one of my lifelong fitness goals is to be able to do this move:

 

 

It's time to lunge low and stretch deep!

 

• Stretch for 3x a week, at least 10 minutes  
• Lunge Challenge 
   

One of my biggest regrets about my eating disorder is how much my career has suffered because of it. When I binged, my stomach hurt too much to work and I called in sick. When I restricted... I honestly think I could've passed Calculus 2 the first or  second time had I taken better care of myself. It is really hard to do math and stuff when you're hungry. 

 

At work, I have two papers that I've been procrastinating on for months. One needs to be completed by the end of this challenge, the other needs decent progress. I'm a stereotypical engineer in that I'm not a strong writer. I get side-tracked with my other work and don't get to this paper. Another advantage of being in South Carolina is most of my co-workers are back in Cali. Mornings are the perfect time to write, I keep saying that, time to do something about it!

 

• Spend 6 hours a week on papers, before 1pm Eastern
   

Added June 23:

Foodwise, I'm not counting calories or macros. My ED dietician uses an app where I log what I ate and how I feel. Being a  chubby bariatric, i'm so used to people judging everything I eat. Or I judge everything, tracking is hard. But I need to do it. As I'm socializing more it's becoming a challenge, so on the challenge list it goes.

 

• log meals and feelings into Healthie app

07/22 - dropped. Note to self. Stick to 3 goals. 

 

And that's it!

 

Trying to keep it simple for this first challenge back in awhile. 

 

 

 

[RES]

1 hour ago, Doe said:

So now, I can do squats till next Tuesday but barely a lunge without feeling like I'm going to topple over.

I have this same issue....I do not like lunges!

[Maigs]

1 hour ago, Doe said:

So now, I can do squats till next Tuesday but barely a lunge without feeling like I'm going to topple over.

This is why I specifically added lunges to my workouts. I can't do them weighted, not so much because of the extra weights but because I need my hands free for balance

[Jupiter]

These are great goals. Following!  

[Doe]

Day 1. June 20

Lunges Done. Had to hold on to something for the right side.

No stretching 

Writing 

Sunday, happy to say I didn't work. Instead hung out with my Dad. He really liked his Father's day gifts, 2 books about the Civil war. One is a day by day look, he's really intrigued by that. Took him to a Mexican restaurant that's been around at least 15 years but new to him. We were both very glad to be fully vaccinated, it was quite packed. 

Day 2 June 21

Stretched for 12 minutes Mostly focused on legs and back. Holding each stretch for at least 30 seconds. 

Lunges Done. Still holding on to my coffee table for the right side. 
Writing  0 hours Got caught up in the Bimonthly monday monotony known as UAT Testing. 
 

[Doe]

55 minutes ago, Maigs said:

This is why I specifically added lunges to my workouts. I can't do them weighted, not so much because of the extra weights but because I need my hands free for balance

That's so interesting, I'm the exact opposite. I can do them better weighted, think it's because I have a weak side and it helps my balance.  But I don't have any weights at the moment and well I can't hold a dumbbell and a Spiral Heart Rod 😅

[Alanna]

Love the focus on fitness goals! Following . Good luck with the papers as well - I just finished a lot of writing myself and it is not nearly as enjoyable as doing the science. I like your approach of getting the writing out of the way early in the day - hopefully your virtual workplace will be quiet due to the time difference!  

[Chesire]

12 hours ago, Doe said:

Since one of my lifelong fitness goals is to be able to do this move:

Now that is a power pose I can get behind. 

 

Following.

 

 

[Marauder]

ooof lunges.  Respect to you.  

 

Also, way to look out for yourself.  Food stuffs can get so complicated so fast.  Getting away from the calorie counting and food focus can be really hard work, but I think it's worth the effort.  I'll be cheering you on.

[Doe]

On 6/22/2021 at 5:51 AM, Alanna said:

Love the focus on fitness goals! Following . Good luck with the papers as well - I just finished a lot of writing myself and it is not nearly as enjoyable as doing the science. I like your approach of getting the writing out of the way early in the day - hopefully your virtual workplace will be quiet due to the time difference!  

Thanks! Yes, the report that's due is simply a chronology of work my team's done over the past 4 years. The work was way more intriguing, now that it's almost finish I'm kinda meh. But gotta push through. Mornings are  usually very quiet. 

 

  The irony that there's at least 3 yard power tools going on in my yard right now (7:45am) 😅 

[Doe]

Day 3  June 22

No Stretching

Lunges Done. Had to hold on to a chair in front for the right side.  
Writing  30 minutes Didn't realize I volunteered to be a note taker at a DOE public meeting. 

 

... actually, no. My handle is not "Doe" because I occasionally do work related to the department of the environment.  That didn't occur to me until now.  My Dad really wanted to name me Doreen, but my mother reminded him it was the 1980s, lol.  Even though he chose both of my middle names, one after his name and the other after his half Japanese heritage,  he still calls me Doe sometimes. I always assume I got my stubbornness from my mom, but holding onto a baby list name for almost 40 years, that's stubborn, haha. 

 

The ED dietician encourages me to use an app so she can see what I'm eating and how I'm feeling about it. The app does not like my android phone, so it takes a little more time than I'd prefer.  I've been slacking off on it, adding it to the challenge:

 

• log meals and feelings into Healthie app

I'm heading out to Cali tonight. Trip's objective is to get the last of my stuff from my exe's. Anyone who remembers me from before, it's the bouncer/security guard I dated for 6 years. He seemed on board to move to South Carolina, then 2 weeks after I moved said "This being alone thing is nice! I'm staying here...also you don't cook enough anymore. Or pack my lunch enough." Ugh. That's the last time I live with anybody I date. I knew it was a bad idea(for me) but I let pressure get to me.   We had some good times and he helped through some rough times like losing my mother. But I'm quite glad to be free. 

I'm also seeing some friends, working in my old office, and seeing co-workers for the first time since March 2020!

 

Leaving home this afternoon. I have 1000 things to do in the next 5 or 6 hours. Like find one of my suitcases 🙃

I've mostly packed my necessities but wanted to bring 2 empty suitcases that I could 'sandwich' into one suitcase, but I can't find this medium-large light pink suitcase. Only time I miss my studio apartment. 

[Doe]

Day 3 June 23

Lunges: 8 each side. Done. I was super tired, needed support on both sides

No stretching

No writing

Logged most of my meals

Travel days are always pretty rough but this one was a challenge. Maybe because it's the first time I've travelled in awhile, or the first time I didn't have any help from anyone else. SFO at night is so difficult to navigate. Took 45 minutes for the  bags to  arrive in baggage claim. Airtran was down and the bus took 3x as long. Airtran is regurlarly down at night after 10pm for 'maintenance' but I forgot.  Just an FYI if you travel out here, especially if you get a rental. Sometimes they announce it on the website but not with much notice. 

 

 

Day 4 June 24

Lunges: 9 each side. Needed support on the right side

Stretched for 10 minutes. 22/30 
1 hour on writing.

 

 

Yesterday, I saw my boss for the first time since last March. It was the first in-person meeting either of us have had  in 15 months! We're both fully vaccinated so we kept the door open and masks off. 
I never thought I'd miss a meeting so much, lol. Our weekly 30 minute check-in lasted an hour. While we do a good job of connecting socially, there is something unique about actually being in person. 

Then I saw a good friend of mine and her 5 month baby, that was exciting.  We hugged!  We couldn't hug when I last saw her, December when things were intense and she was very pregnant.  As much I hate people, wow have I missed the people I care about.  

 

Challenge-wise I'm quite behind in my writing. So going to make that a focus this morning

 

... when I take BART (the commuter rail) for the first time since February 2020!  I felt so weird for not wanting to take BART in late February. Luckily my job was understanding.  I work in energy efficiency, we're all about saving the world. But when Covid-19 was really new, many of us started driving to work to avoid public transit. Company was like " if it's a choice between driving your GHG-emitting car or working from home, stay home. "🙃

 

Sometimes it really hits me what we've all been going through.  There's so much I took for granted that truly thrills me now. I hope I can keep that energy even when this is finally over. 

[Chesire]

On 6/25/2021 at 10:39 AM, Doe said:

As much I hate people, wow have I missed the people I care about.  

 

On 6/25/2021 at 10:39 AM, Doe said:

There's so much I took for granted that truly thrills me now

 

this def how I'm feeling this summer.  

[Doe]

I'm still in the game y'all. Just traveling and in bad need of an update. It'll happen soon.

 

 

[Doe]

Day 5  June 25

Lunges: 9 each side. Needed support on the right side

Stretched for 15 minutes. 37/30 ⭐
2  hours on writing. 3.5/6

Logged most of my food
 

Day 6 June 26
Lunges: 9 each side. Needed support on the right side

No stretching
No writing - weekend

No Food Logging

 

Day 7 June 27
Lunges: Rest Day

No stretching
No writing - weekend

No Food Logging

Week 1 Recap
Considering it's a week of travel, I'm proud of myself.  Adjusting my stretch goal to not having a minimum. Anytime stretching is worth it, no need to be so prescriptive. Lunges were getting easier but I think jetlag and lack of stretching erased some but not all the progress. Logging my food is really hard, not because of what I eat.  Potential ED trigger in snippet (overanalyzing what i eat. no mention of pounds or calories) 

 Just years of eating disorder, gastric bypass and lifelong chubbiness, I'm used to people (and myself) criticizing whatever I eat.  And I know the ED dietician isn't judgemental, but it's a hard feeling to shake. I look at the pictures of what I eat and think "there should be less  of this, there's not enough vegetables". I've seen the glares when I order dessert, the scoffs when I order a salad. Even with friends that aren't trying to criticize me, hearing things like "oh no bread, I'm keto this month" or "I read this article how starbursts are 32.65% plastic" (not real but y'know what I mean).  I internalize all of it. 
What's supposed to be a slightly thought provoking step on the road to more intuitive eating sometimes leads me to overanalyzing every. single. bite. And none of it's perfect so I always find fault. 
It really takes the fun out of eating and not in a good "not binging" way. In a "can I enjoy nothing?" way. 

Now that I'm back from California, I'll try to update daily. But I'm getting all the logs in.
As Minako (Sailor Venus) would say "No use crying over spilt caviar" 😅

 

On to week 2!

 

[Doe]

Day 8 June 28
Lunges: None

No stretching
1.5 hours of writing

No Food Logging
 

Day 9 June 29
Lunges: I tried for 10 but only completed  8 on each side. Needing support for both sides.
10 minutes of stretching 10/30

1 hour of writing 2.5/6
logged  2 of 6 meals. 
 

[Doe]

Day 10 June 30
Lunges:  12 on each side.  No support needed! 
11 minutes of stretching 21/30

2 hours of writing 4.5/6
logged  0 meals. 

 

 

Yesterday my housecleaner came, she's a saint. It's so nice to know my house won't get totally out of control with her around.  I hope that I'm over my jetlag.
When it comes to lunges, I realize that when my body is more limber from stretching, it's easier to lunge. Although, having very knocked knees makes it a challenge. I'm starting to see improvement.

Writing to add details is hard and I strongly dislike it. My engineering professors greatly undersold how much writing I'd have to do in my career. 😅

 

[Doe]

Day 11 July 1
Lunges:  13 on each side.  No support needed! 
no stretching 21/30

2  hours of writing 6.5/6⭐
logged  4 of 5  meals. 

 

Day 12 July 2

No lunges

No stretching

1.5 hours of writing 9/ 6⭐

logged 3 of 5 meals

 

Yesterday was a tough day mentally. Travelling again and feeling some body image issues. I was really hoping seeing my extended family after 18+ months wouldn't make me want to look perfect but here we are. 

On a positive note, I'm really recognizing and trying to fight it. This might just be depression or PMS, I haven't had a good workout in a while because I've been super tired from jetlag. When I was out in Cali, it was so great to have friends to hang out with every day I was there. Moving back home after a decade...during a pandemic has been lonely. Starting to realize I may have to make new friends rather than simply reconnect with old ones. 

 

 

[Alanna]

I'm glad the lunges are going well! Are you interested in trying different lunge variations, too, once you have a solid foundation?

 

On 7/1/2021 at 5:36 PM, Doe said:

Writing to add details is hard and I strongly dislike it. My engineering professors greatly undersold how much writing I'd have to do in my career. 😅

 

 

It really is, I'll often leave gaps when I writing so I don't have to interrupt my thought process to look up my exact methods... but then I have a bunch of stuff to add later.

 

On 7/3/2021 at 7:14 PM, Doe said:

Yesterday was a tough day mentally. Travelling again and feeling some body image issues. I was really hoping seeing my extended family after 18+ months wouldn't make me want to look perfect but here we are.

 

Family can be tough - I hope they are supportive and simply glad to see you after such a long time.

[Doe]

Day 13 July 3
Lunges:  15 on each side.  No support needed! 
10 minutes of stretching  31/30 ⭐
no writing 9/6⭐
logged  2 of 5  meals. 

 

Day 14 July 4

No lunges

No stretching   31/30 ⭐

no writing writing 9/ 6⭐

logged no meals

Week 2 wrap-up: Looking back as I'm mostly through week 3, Week 2 was a pretty succesful week. I'm feeling more comfortable lunging. I can start to feel some of my old flexibility coming back. Before the apocalypse (yea, I'm gonna keep calling it that) I went to dance weekly and stretched for 30 minutes. plus at least 10-20 minutes of stretching at the gym. At home I don't tend to stretch much before my workout, they aren't as intense. 

 

[Doe]

On 7/7/2021 at 4:07 PM, Alanna said:

I'm glad the lunges are going well! Are you interested in trying different lunge variations, too, once you have a solid foundation?

 

Definitely am interested in variations. For whatever reason my body is a natural with side lunges. It's these forward lunges that prove a challenge

 

On 7/7/2021 at 4:07 PM, Alanna said:

Family can be tough - I hope they are supportive and simply glad to see you after such a long time.

 

It was overall a really great time. So much fun seeing my family after such a very long time. Forgot how much I missed them 😃

[Doe]

Day 15 July 5
No lunges
5 minutes of stretching 5/30
No writing
Food log? Ha. 

Day 16 July 6
32 lunges

no stretching
1 hour of writing
no logging


Day 17 July 7
34 lunges
13 minutes of stretching 18/30
2 hours of writing 3/6
no logging


Day 18 July 8
nothing, just nothing. 


Day 19 July 9
34 lunges
5 minutes of stretching 23/30
2 hours of writing 5/6
logged 2 of 5 meals

Day 20 July 10
20 lunges
7 minutes of stretching 30/30⭐
no writing

logged 1 of 3 meals

Week 3 recap: I guess this week wasn't terrible goal-wise. Sometimes I'm too hard on myself. During my paper check-in, I conceded I had no more tricks up my sleeves to turn these bullet points to researchy sentences.  This has all had me thinking about how I don't write as much as I used to in general. Back in the day,  I journaled and used livejournal. I miss the livejournal community. There's nothing really quite like it anymore. 

I digress. 

 

When it comes to food logging, my main issue is the app that the dietician uses. At home, I try to fix a plate that I can finish but as I go out more that gets harder. The app she uses only allows for one picture so I often find myself trying to make a collage of the before and after (since she doesn't appear to ever read when I write what I ate 🙄) Me and this dietician just really haven't meshed well and I'm thinking of looking for another one. We've worked together for almost 4 months so I think that's a sufficient time to determine connection. Her attitude always strikes me funny. I'm not sure if it's my eating disorder or rational dislike. Either way, I hope to find someone I can connect with a bit better.

week ahead: In order to have time to exercise in the morning. I'm setting my alarm clock...back to 7:00. It's been at 7:30 for most of this year, I'd be too sleepy to talk to my Dad when he left work. But he's retiring from his part-time job this week so should be around earlier. He's brought up moving to a senior apartment and I didn't receive it well. The one he mentioned just feels so elderly to me but he always supports my random endeavors so I'll do matter if it comes up again.

 

Also clean my kitchen so I can eat decently this week and have actual meals to log. I think my intake was okay but I grazed allot. 

 

[Novaurora]

On 6/21/2021 at 8:10 PM, Doe said:

but barely a lunge without feeling like I'm going to topple over.

When I did a program called body pump, we were encouraged to use our "bar" to steady ourselves to help us get used to the full range of motion.  It helped my lunge stability a lot.

On 6/21/2021 at 8:10 PM, Doe said:

Mornings are the perfect time to write, I keep saying that, time to do something about it!

If you need a writing accountabilibuddy...

 

On 7/3/2021 at 2:14 PM, Doe said:

On a positive note, I'm really recognizing and trying to fight it.

Yesssss!!!!!

 

1 hour ago, Doe said:

Back in the day,  I journaled and used livejournal. I miss the livejournal commun

guuuurlll, my livejournal was an angsty thing of BEAUTY when I was in high school.  I looooved it.

 

1 hour ago, Doe said:

We've worked together for almost 4 months so I think that's a sufficient time to determine connection.

yeahhh, sounds like time.  Hope you find a new one!!

 

Looks like you're working hard and doing your best!!!

[Elastigirl]

Great job on the lunges.Cool that not only did you increase in number, but now you can do them without support. Seems to me that trying the dietician for 4 months is long enough to see if she is a good fit, so it might be a good idea to try someone else. 

[Doe]

On 7/11/2021 at 2:13 PM, Novaurora said:

On 6/21/2021 at 8:10 PM, Doe said:

but barely a lunge without feeling like I'm going to topple over.

When I did a program called body pump, we were encouraged to use our "bar" to steady ourselves to help us get used to the full range of motion.  It helped my lunge stability a lot.

So much coincidence in this. Today's my mom's birthday, she would've been 65. and she loved body pump, we would go together when I came to visit. And I totally remember that. I'll have to keep that in mind for range of motion. Thanks for the suggestion and bringing up the fond memory. 

On 7/11/2021 at 2:13 PM, Novaurora said:

On 6/21/2021 at 8:10 PM, Doe said:

Mornings are the perfect time to write, I keep saying that, time to do something about it!

If you need a writing accountabilibuddy...

I'll keep that in mind, Thanks!

 

 

 

On 7/11/2021 at 2:13 PM, Novaurora said:

On 7/11/2021 at 12:45 PM, Doe said:

Back in the day,  I journaled and used livejournal. I miss the livejournal commun

guuuurlll, my livejournal was an angsty thing of BEAUTY when I was in high school.  I looooved it.

 

 

Angsty thing of beauty is the best description of Livejournal, I've ever seen! 

 

 

 

On 7/11/2021 at 4:21 PM, Elastigirl said:

Great job on the lunges.Cool that not only did you increase in number, but now you can do them without support. Seems to me that trying the dietician for 4 months is long enough to see if she is a good fit, so it might be a good idea to try someone else. 

 

 

Thanks much. Yea, she's been helpful in getting started but I'm looking for a new one.