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Hi there!

 

I'm terrible at following plans, yet I terribly need one right now. I tend to view our capacity for action as being fueld by 3 jars:

  • availability (time)
  • energy (mental and physical)
  • finances

 

The three are linked together, they can supplement or drain each other. I tend to identify the main draining factor in my situation as the financial one, though, using my job situation as a catalyst, that tends to affect my availability and then, through poor life hygiene, my energy levels.

 

Right now, I'm overwhelmed and don't know what to do so the point of this challenge is to figure it out. I'm going to do some reading, I'm going to try to implement a few things and, at the end of it, I want to have come up with a comprehensive plan that spells "care about your energy level first".

 

That means I won't worry about getting fired (it may happen and it may not).

I won't worry about people having to postpone their construction project and potentially taking us to trial.

I won't worry about my ex landlord once again postponing fullfilling his obligations and keeping money that he has agreed to free up and that I need for my peace of mind.

I won't worry about having no more holidays until the end of the year.

I won't worry about my reputation going down due to me not being able to perform properly at work and that closing the doors I need to escape this situation.

I won't worry about filling applications and staying at the top of my game for fear of loosing the opportunities I have until my batteries get fully depleted.

 

I won't worry about any of that because, you know what? My batteries won't get depleted, and that means I have time. My batteries won't get depleted because keeping them charged is going to be my single point of focus. Razor sharp, wet stone on steel.

 

This challenge is all about designing the blueprint, but getting the blueprint done also means testing prototypes: I'll have to go through what I want to get into motion later in order to see if it works.

 

Easy to identify areas that should get focus are:

  • sleep
  • food
  • hygiene
  • physical exercise
  • keeping a bare but functional home
  • cultivating friendship
  • setting and protecting out of network time
  • getting in nature

 

Now, here are the things that are cluttering my mind:

  • things to do at work and the impact they may have on other people's lives
  • how I'm getting trapped and the more time passes, the more my options close up
  • the state of my vineyard, slowly turning into a jungle
  • the state of my house, that I can't seem to keep decluttered, ever (it's very small but even then, I should be able to keep it in a working order)
  • my former landlord, may he be living interesting times
  • internships I have to do in order to finish my hiking guide training courses

 

I've written it here so I can forget them. It's now stored in several databases, so it can get out of my brain.

 

I don't really know what to do, because to get where I want to get, I'm afraid I'll have to just let go, and letting go is not something I'm used to doing. I guess I'll start by reading and, just to prove to myself that I'm dedicated to this, enforcing a "no network" area past 10 pm, along with a non-negociable sleep time of 7 hours a night. Tonight is going to be tough already...

 

I'm welcoming all ideas and inputs, I know many of you have already faced/are facing similar conundrums.

I'm currently thinking about sacrificing part of my financial stability to come to enlist a NF coach into helping me unravelling the secrets of being one with the universe. My old mind is fighting against it, arguing that I have accepted to be in my situation specifically because it was leading to a point where I could get in a safe financial place, that the tables are finally turning and that now is not a time to give in to my usual habit of finding a new skills building expense to put on the menu everytime some cashflow gets freed.

 

I may act like my usual self and give up 3 days into the challenge, though I will try hard not to do so.

First focus to reach freedom is to stop caring about everything in my job, and not care at all about targets people set to me. That means not giving a shit about what other people, including my boss and the citizens of our town think about my performance. Tough call.

 

Edit: ok, I know I won't manage to hold the sleep goal. That one is, for me, too tough a beast to tame at the time being. Here's my single point of focus for the week, following admiral McRaven's advice:

 

Every single morning: make my bed

 

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Legally bound to hug people in need.

 

Living life as a Druid is about walking with the beasts. It's about being scared, looking your fears in the eyes and going on anyway. Dread doesn't go away, you just learn to know it. It's still a beast, it still has fangs, but you walk among it.

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June 28th

Bed has been done, sleeping was not that bad though I seem to not allow myself to sleep back after my first waking up of the night, very early in the morning. That's a problem that I'll have to address at some point.

 

I am not overpowering this. There are so many things that are not getting done that I'm scared. I need to either let it go or have them done. Both have me terrified on an intimate level.

Legally bound to hug people in need.

 

Living life as a Druid is about walking with the beasts. It's about being scared, looking your fears in the eyes and going on anyway. Dread doesn't go away, you just learn to know it. It's still a beast, it still has fangs, but you walk among it.

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Out of curiosity, what is the sleep goal? To have a goal to simply "sleep" seems very vague, and with vague goals, it's impossible to know if you managed to meet them or not. 

 

I have a sleep goal of my own this challenge, so I'm obviously following for the sleep solidarity.

Book Riot Challenge 2021

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scaly Freak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31

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As of now, the sleep goal is more of a... guideline. I know I can’t follow a strict rule and I know I’ll sacrifice reaching that target everytime I feel like there’s any other goal that needs reaching and can’t be done in the amount of hours there is in a day. Night has somehow become time that belongs to me alone, it’s hard to sacrifice a spot where you feel at ease...

 

The guidelines are mainly to have the lights off, the window open and the computer off the bed. Small guidelines. Still hard to reach. The drive for self-destruction is strong in this one. Things being simple not meaning they’re easy, right ?

 

4 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

I have a sleep goal of my own this challenge, so I'm obviously following for the sleep solidarity.

Sleep solidarity, assemblate! Curious to see how you're handling it, I'll take a look later on.

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Legally bound to hug people in need.

 

Living life as a Druid is about walking with the beasts. It's about being scared, looking your fears in the eyes and going on anyway. Dread doesn't go away, you just learn to know it. It's still a beast, it still has fangs, but you walk among it.

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On 6/27/2021 at 5:50 AM, Jean said:

Right now, I'm overwhelmed and don't know what to do so the point of this challenge is to figure it out. I'm going to do some reading, I'm going to try to implement a few things and, at the end of it, I want to have come up with a comprehensive plan that spells "care about your energy level first".

Hey there, Jean - I'm glad to see you back for another challenge. I like the simplicity of your challenge. Figuring out what you need and want in a healthy way is a wonderful goal. I'm sure that you'll come up with a great plan by the end of this challenge.

On 6/27/2021 at 5:50 AM, Jean said:

I've written it here so I can forget them. It's now stored in several databases, so it can get out of my brain.

This reminds me of that Getting Things Done concept of storing your floating ideas/questions/whatever somewhere so that you can keep them from cluttering your mind. I like it.

 

Hope you're doing well today.

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Current NF Challenge: X

Level 3 Wasteland Traveling Merchant and Lamespren

Initial Character Build: S4 P5 E3 C5 I6 A3 L2 | Current Character Build: S4 P5 E4 C5 I6 A3 L2

Most recent perk earned: Life Giver

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6 hours ago, TrashcanCarla said:

Hope you're doing well today.

 

Thanks and welcome! Could have been better. I've taken the afternoon off to sleep because I was totally tired at noon. This isn't working as a life, hence the need for overpowering it...

 

So, I am going at it military style. Turns out the US Navy has designed a process to get the WWII pilots to sleep quickly and let their mind regenerate its abilities. I'll be trying that: https://medium.com/s/story/combat-tested-training-unwind-and-sleep-anywhere-in-120-seconds-27d5307b7606

 

What I take from my own military training is that tight discipline and schedules are very darn efficient, but not a life I'd want to be living outside of small periods required to get out of hardship. Maybe it's what I need now, or maybe I don't trust enough my ability to get toward a "normal" life and terminate the fighting program at some point to give it the energy it requires. We'll see.

 

So, when going to bed:

1) Close my eyes.

2) Breath slowly and deeply.

3) Relax the (43) muscles of my face.

4) Relax the (6) muscles of my eyes, let my eyeballs go limp and fall deep into my eyesockets.

5) Let my shoulders drop as low as they can.

6) Relax my right arm's biceps.

7) Relax my right forearm.

8') Relax my right hand and fingers, let them drop like dead weight.

9) Relax my left arm's biceps.

10) Relax my left arm's forearm.

11) Relax my left hand and fingers, let them drop like dead weight.

12) Tell my right thigh muscle to sink.

13) Tell my right calf muscles to sink.

14) Tell my right ankle and foot to sink, feel my whole leg sink into the mattress.

15) Tell my left right thigh muscle to sink.

16) Tell my left calf muscles to sink.

17) Tell my left ankle and foot to sink, feel my left leg sink into the mattress.

18) Keep a still mind for 10 seconds, focus on one single image, if necessary, repeat the mantra "don't think".

 

Practice until it works.

 

June 29th

Bed has been done.

 

 

  • Like 1

Legally bound to hug people in need.

 

Living life as a Druid is about walking with the beasts. It's about being scared, looking your fears in the eyes and going on anyway. Dread doesn't go away, you just learn to know it. It's still a beast, it still has fangs, but you walk among it.

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I'm loosing ground at work but I'm recovering, it's very hard to get a neutral picture of what's happening, it seems there are a lot of discrepencies between my behavior and expectations  and what needs to be done and/or may be expected of me. I could be becoming crazy and 100% of it would be on me, or it could be the insanity is around me and I'm one of the few who are still sane around. The good news is: my profile seems to still be competitive so if it comes to that, I should be able to get another job in a short enough timeframe.

 

The relaxation works. Not in 120 seconds, not even to sleep proper as of yet, but I could feel my limbs getting rest-ready, which is what I've been longing for for some time. The rest is a matter of training. The good news is, while I'm starting with my tanks empty and even at some kind of deficit, I now have a way of rejuvenating. It may mean 3 hours naps during the day, but it can set me back in motion when I'm drained.

 

I should be sleeping but there's yet one thing I have to do and can't muster the energy for. The way I'm handling my life is becoming ridiculous... or it could all bear fruits in the near future and I'm progressing toward the end of the tunnel. It's so hard to assess the situation when there are two completely contradictory ways to read it. I'll trust myself while trying to avoid the paranoia of thinking the world is against me. Obliviousness and stupidity can explain a lot of things. One thing I know: I'm not strong enough to protect all who would need protection, which means I have to redefine what "needing protection" means.

 

June 30th

Bed has been done.

Sleep training has been performed.

Legally bound to hug people in need.

 

Living life as a Druid is about walking with the beasts. It's about being scared, looking your fears in the eyes and going on anyway. Dread doesn't go away, you just learn to know it. It's still a beast, it still has fangs, but you walk among it.

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2 hours ago, Jean said:

One thing I know: I'm not strong enough to protect all who would need protection, which means I have to redefine what "needing protection" means.

 

This may also be a good time to consider whether everyone who needs protection needs it from you, or if you can leave some of them for others to protect.

Book Riot Challenge 2021

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scaly Freak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31

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17 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

This may also be a good time to consider whether everyone who needs protection needs it from you, or if you can leave some of them for others to protect.

I like using grand words for what I do but this is really just me doing my job. Since there's 200% workload on my plate, I get to choose which 100% gets done. There are people under me and I'm dealing with other people's projects. I guess it's time to figure out if I've been over-caring or, in the opposite, not dedicated enough.

 

It's funny, I didn't figure myself out as a control freak, until recently. Now, it seems everything I'm doing is in a grasp for control that I am reluctant to give up. It's hard to assess if I'm only imagining it (outside clues say I'm not) and/or how much of it comes from my environment. I mean, when the ground is falling under you, you do tend to hold on to what you can grasp...

 

July 1st

Bed has been done.

Sleep training is working but there's a whole lot more of it to do to become proficient in it.

As a bonus, I've distanced myself from what needs to be done enough to put more emphasis on sleep and not care about what needs to be done. We'll see where it takes me.

Legally bound to hug people in need.

 

Living life as a Druid is about walking with the beasts. It's about being scared, looking your fears in the eyes and going on anyway. Dread doesn't go away, you just learn to know it. It's still a beast, it still has fangs, but you walk among it.

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4 hours ago, Jean said:

I like using grand words for what I do but this is really just me doing my job. Since there's 200% workload on my plate, I get to choose which 100% gets done. There are people under me and I'm dealing with other people's projects. 

 

I would say my original point still stands - do you have to be the one who does everything, all the time? Is there someone you can delegate to? As a control freak myself, I struggled for the longest time with the notion that someone can do this task in a different way than I would have, and that's okay, because the task was completed and the end result works. Once I learned to embrace that, delegating became easier.

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Book Riot Challenge 2021

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scaly Freak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31

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2 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

Is there someone you can delegate to?

Tough one.

 

Part of the job can be delegated, though I tend to want to over-prepare it and never be ready to pass it further, which is something I need to work on. On the other hand, the person I'd be delegating it to already has her own plate full, so I'd have to fight for my share of it first, which I'm not eager to do.

 

Part of the job should be handled by other departments and not even land on my table but it's tough to say which one, or to which department it should go, since our mutual responsibilities are not defined and my job title is one of the broadest there is.

 

In both situations, we land on me having to fight the inner workings of our institution. While it's something I can do, it's also something I'm absolutely disgusted to have to do because the rest of my time is spent fighting outside circumstances and the demands of other institutions. I need a safe place where we're working together toward common goals and I am not willing to take it as a battlefield as of yet.

 

Thinking of it, a good part of my tiredness comes from not having common goals inside our institution (I've got 4 different sets of goals issued by 4 different people, none of which fits with field reality so I spend my time defending what I think needs to be done while explaining why what other people want to be done shouldn't be done).

 

To answer the question, part of my energy these next few weeks will go toward preparing a suggestion to hire someone to take on part of my workload so we'll see how that goes.

Legally bound to hug people in need.

 

Living life as a Druid is about walking with the beasts. It's about being scared, looking your fears in the eyes and going on anyway. Dread doesn't go away, you just learn to know it. It's still a beast, it still has fangs, but you walk among it.

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I've had my first shot of vaccine today, my cells are now officially building troyan horses for the sake of learning how to destroy them while gleefully mixing pigments for their coming war paints. Then, they'll be climbing into trees armed to the teeth until they get instructions for the training exercise in a month (second shot). Invaders beware!

 

Edit: I love this xkcd strip: We're not trapped in here with the coronavirus. The coronavirus is trapped in here with us.

 

July 2nd

Bed has been done.

Getting asleep is working though I'm still pushing it late and naturally waking up way too early.

Legally bound to hug people in need.

 

Living life as a Druid is about walking with the beasts. It's about being scared, looking your fears in the eyes and going on anyway. Dread doesn't go away, you just learn to know it. It's still a beast, it still has fangs, but you walk among it.

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41 minutes ago, Jean said:

I've had my first shot of vaccine today, my cells are now officially building troyan horses for the sake of learning how to destroy them while gleefully mixing pigments for their coming war paints. Then, they'll be climbing into trees armed to the teeth until they get instructions for the training exercise in a month (second shot). Invaders beware!

 

This will forever be the mental images I associate with vaccines now. Outstanding.

 

door gate GIF by South Park

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Book Riot Challenge 2021

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scaly Freak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31

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Soo, I've been watching a video about burgers stack order:

 

That has (astonishingly) given me a craving for burgers so I've made a few tries on my side yesterday and today. The correct order, from bottom to top is Bun/Tartar sauce/Tomato/Onions/Patty/Lettuce/Cheese/Tartar sauce/Bun. Anything else denotes a lack of taste (though I'll have to try a bunch of other ingredients :wub:).

 

July 3rd

Bed has been done.

Getting asleep routine works but needs practice.

 

 

  • Like 1

Legally bound to hug people in need.

 

Living life as a Druid is about walking with the beasts. It's about being scared, looking your fears in the eyes and going on anyway. Dread doesn't go away, you just learn to know it. It's still a beast, it still has fangs, but you walk among it.

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July 4th

Bed has been done.

Getting asleep routine is being practiced.

  • Like 1

Legally bound to hug people in need.

 

Living life as a Druid is about walking with the beasts. It's about being scared, looking your fears in the eyes and going on anyway. Dread doesn't go away, you just learn to know it. It's still a beast, it still has fangs, but you walk among it.

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On 7/3/2021 at 11:08 AM, Jean said:

The correct order, from bottom to top is Bun/Tartar sauce/Tomato/Onions/Patty/Lettuce/Cheese/Tartar sauce/Bun. Anything else denotes a lack of taste (though I'll have to try a bunch of other ingredients :wub:).

 

 

Hmm... I am not sure about that one, but okay. Personally, I use mayonnaise dressing rather than tartar sauce and humbly submit this order from bottom to top: bun, mayonnaise, tomato, lettuce, patty, cheese, onion, mayo, bun.

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Current NF Challenge: X

Level 3 Wasteland Traveling Merchant and Lamespren

Initial Character Build: S4 P5 E3 C5 I6 A3 L2 | Current Character Build: S4 P5 E4 C5 I6 A3 L2

Most recent perk earned: Life Giver

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On 7/6/2021 at 5:44 PM, TrashcanCarla said:

I use mayonnaise dressing rather than tartar sauce and humbly submit this order from bottom to top: bun, mayonnaise, tomato, lettuce, patty, cheese, onion, mayo, bun.

I am not used to mayonnaise and thought "well, it's got to have taste!" so bought a mustardy one. Wrong call, since that and delicious swiss cheese is all I've really tasted in that burger. I'll try again tomorrow with softer mayonnaise. Also, I've noticed this weird thing where I actually eat the burger upside down, reversing the actual order of ingredients. xD I'll also put the ingredients in reverse order to account for it.

 

As for my life, I've come to realize that I'm not tired, I'm weary, ever having something more to do after I'm done with one thing, my mind never being at rest and actively fighting the mandatory tasks falling upon it. It was strange to realize that this song actually resonates with me, beyond just the voice and melody: it's a grim view of humanity yet, somehow, for me, it gives sense to this all and I've somewhat lived my life under that light:

 

 

Rest is not being restful. The bed is being done, sleeping exercise is being practiced. I'm still waking up in the middle of the night, I'm still not able to rest more during weekends, I'm still considering night time to be me-time and day time to be "get pestered away by people" time. Everything seems to take energy. I'm building my exit but this too takes a lot out of me, and it's piling on other projects that need to be achieved too (the hiking guide courses which enter practice territory).

 

 

 

 

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Legally bound to hug people in need.

 

Living life as a Druid is about walking with the beasts. It's about being scared, looking your fears in the eyes and going on anyway. Dread doesn't go away, you just learn to know it. It's still a beast, it still has fangs, but you walk among it.

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On 7/6/2021 at 4:44 PM, TrashcanCarla said:

Personally, I use mayonnaise dressing rather than tartar sauce and humbly submit this order from bottom to top: bun, mayonnaise, tomato, lettuce, patty, cheese, onion, mayo, bun.

I've tried it again with a softer mayonnaise, it was better but lacked soem spice so I've made a final test where the patty was pan cooked (as has been unfortunately usual for the others too) with a mix of olive oil, fresh peppermint and garlic. I've added some pickles at the bottom of it too. It was very nice.

 

I think the big discovery was putting something between the patty and the cheese (lettuce is nice), it really splits the tastes, letting each of them shine. I'll run more tests next time I'm game for some burger (could be some time).

 

 

As for my sleep habits, quality is there, quantity is not. The exercise is working but I have to be willing to go to sleep, which I currently am often not (always thinking I have something to do, which I don't (do), so always have to). It seems I'm actively pursuing what makes me miserable and refusing to do what would actually feel great. I would say that I know my way in life, but I refuse to travel it.

 

Finding how to finally start going my way is a long way to walk, this will have to wait for next time.

 

 

Legally bound to hug people in need.

 

Living life as a Druid is about walking with the beasts. It's about being scared, looking your fears in the eyes and going on anyway. Dread doesn't go away, you just learn to know it. It's still a beast, it still has fangs, but you walk among it.

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