Salinger's forty second challenge!

[Salinger]

48 minutes ago, 18ck said:

Good morning, lady, how are things? Why did i just say lady, am I two years old? Anyway, hello. What are your plans for this damp Monday? I hope they are good plans. 

 

Morning!

 

Things are ok, i watched the cricket last night then made horlicks and went to bed. Was chuckling to myself about how life is now. Without sounding bad, if a girl was ever in my bed, it was for one thing only. And now, im sitting sipping horlicks with one before cuddling and sleeping   never thought it would happen this way, you know!?

 

Slept quite well i think, only woke a couple of times in the night. 

 

Today yes, its wet and wild, windy and crap. 

 

Yesterday i didnt do my intentions for the week so i will do that now!

 

- Take medication daily

- Work hard on the funding application edits

- Find out about postgrad funding

- Sort out council tax direct debit

- Meeting for potential venue space on Tuesday at 11am

- Sort out website fees (change date they come out)

- Keep plants alive by watering when needed

- Find a nice handmade bowl for tomatoes

- Read for 30 mins minimum, on three days of the week

- Exhibition preview on Thursday 12th (6.30pm) 

- GO to the gym (at least one day!)

- Mainly, take time to relax and be kind to myself

 

This week is hard, The first anniversary of my dad dying, is Wednesday creeping up on me really as i try to keep busy. Rox is very kind and booked that day off work. We may go for some drinks on Tuesday eve with a couple of my friends. Then relax on Weds together. Maybe a little walk, and a nice tea. 

 

*sigh*

 

Also need to call my mum and sister. I didnt want to meet up with them, dont know why. I just feel too overwhelmed.

 

Anyway....quite a busy week really. Im trying not to panic about exercise this week. Its fucking stressful as it is. But i know some exercise WILL / MAY help my mental health so....

 

xx

 

 

[fearless 2.0]

great goals for the week! Thinking of you!!!!

 

[18ck]

Hi there

Thinking of you this Tuesday. I hope you're doing OK. How's that list looking? Crossed a few off? 

On 8/9/2021 at 7:18 AM, Salinger said:

sipping horlicks

The thrill of new love fades, but horlicks lasts forever. 

[Harriet]

On 8/9/2021 at 8:18 AM, Salinger said:

Anyway....quite a busy week really. Im trying not to panic about exercise this week. Its fucking stressful as it is. But i know some exercise WILL / MAY help my mental health so....

 

Maybe something easy like walking if you're too stressed for anything else? But no panic

[fearless 2.0]

just checking in on you. How are things?

[Artemis Prime]

Hey Sal, thinking of you today. 

[Salinger]

Thanks to you both. 

 

A year since my dad died. Very very tough. But also, almost numb emotion. 

 

 

[Salinger]

Morning. 

 

4.30am and cant sleep much. I feel tired though?! Overthinking likely. 

 

Feel disgusted at myself like always. 

 

Feel like i need to make drastic changes, like always. 

Dont know where to start. 

 

Feel i have no support. etc etc

 

x

[Harriet]

4 hours ago, Salinger said:

Feel disgusted at myself like always. 

 

Feel like i need to make drastic changes, like always. 

 

No! Not drastic. Gentle and sustainable, and motivated by love if possible, or caretaking if not.

 

4 hours ago, Salinger said:

Dont know where to start. 

 

What do you most urgently want to achieve?

[Salinger]

1 hour ago, Harriet said:

 

What do you most urgently want to achieve?

 

I guess, lose weight?! x

[Harriet]

1 hour ago, Salinger said:

I guess, lose weight?! x

 

Alrighty. Next question, if I may: What stopped your previous efforts from working?

[Salinger]

1 hour ago, Harriet said:

 

Alrighty. Next question, if I may: What stopped your previous efforts from working?

I think not getting results (quick enough) leading to lack of motivation and frustration and ultimately  giving up 

[Rookie]

Coming in hot for a drive by hug -HUGS-

[Maggie-Miau]

8 hours ago, Salinger said:

I think not getting results (quick enough) leading to lack of motivation and frustration and ultimately  giving up 

 

May i suggest re-adopting your habit of marking a calendar each day that you do something to further your goal? That way you can have a visual and see your progress even while you wait for the physical results.

 

I would also suggest focusing on tiny goals, something so small that you can do it quickly and move on with your day, or tic it off at the end of the day. Go steady with it just to get in the mindset of keeping a habit going, and then build slowly from there.

[Salinger]

12 hours ago, Rookie said:

Coming in hot for a drive by hug -HUGS-

 

Needed that, thanks mate xx

 

4 hours ago, Maggie-Miau said:

 

May i suggest re-adopting your habit of marking a calendar each day that you do something to further your goal? That way you can have a visual and see your progress even while you wait for the physical results.

 

I would also suggest focusing on tiny goals, something so small that you can do it quickly and move on with your day, or tic it off at the end of the day. Go steady with it just to get in the mindset of keeping a habit going, and then build slowly from there.

 

Thanks Mia, yes i think smaller goals (like the ones i posted a page back) are the way to go. Its just starting this. 

 

Hate excuses but this week has been horrendous for me  i can barely move sometimes im so paralysed in grief. Its horrible and scary. 

 

xx

[Salinger]

Hello all. 2.30am. 

 

Cant sleep  feel tired but had to get up as i couldnt stop fidgeting in bed. 

 

Then i spent 20 mins looking through pics of my girlfriends ex, tormenting myself

 

STUPID. 

 

Im going to wreck this relationship with my fucking insidious, pathetic mind. Im so insecure. I know ill end up pushing her away. 

 

Spoiler

Spoilered cos its sexy stuff....

i wont take my top off during sex, never have with anyone since i gained weight. 

Rox wanted to have a   joint shower at the hotel on Saturday, and i wouldnt. 

What a fucking mess. 

 

 

Anyway. Just wish so fucking much i liked myself. x

[Harriet]

18 hours ago, Salinger said:

I think not getting results (quick enough) leading to lack of motivation and frustration and ultimately  giving up 

 

Ah. Well perhaps you need a different metric to measure success by? If you measure success by kg, it can be frustrating because it's not directly in your control (only indirectly and imperfectly). But if you measure by habits, that can be more encouraging because you choose every day whether you succeed or not. So perhaps a good plan would be to pick some habits that will sustainably lead to a lower weight, and work on implementing them very consistently? I'm doing the same thing, technically. I can't aim directly at low inflammation and low anxiety but I can meditate daily to give myself a better chance. I can't directly acquire perfect sleep and energy but I can be in bed at 9:30 daily. I can't immediately control whether I have excellent health and weight but I can eat a healthful diet daily. And so on. If you pick habits you really believe will lead to the desired results in time, then focusing on them as the metric can be better than focusing on the eventual outcomes you want, which are somewhat unpredictable and slow in coming.

 

4 hours ago, Salinger said:

Then i spent 20 mins looking through pics of my girlfriends ex, tormenting myself

 

 

STUPID. 

 

Im going to wreck this relationship with my fucking insidious, pathetic mind. Im so insecure. I know ill end up pushing her away.

 

It's not inevitable. If you believe this behaviour is harmful, you can change it with practice and courage. I wish you great strength and valour.

[Rookie]

9 hours ago, Salinger said:

 

  Hide contents

Spoilered cos its sexy stuff....

i wont take my top off during sex, never have with anyone since i gained weight. 

Rox wanted to have a   joint shower at the hotel on Saturday, and i wouldnt. 

What a fucking mess. 

 

Spoiler

 

I’m sorry. Could this be a 20 seconds of courage thing? Or next time block the mirror and go for it. I find I’m less self conscious if I can’t see myself. The one good thing about weight gain is it makes the girls more voluptuous and sexy usually. Could you try experimenting with clothing? Get a high waisted skirt that goes to your knees and flares out a bit at the bottom… and maybe some suspenders and go shirtless. Or a extra long button down top and leave the top unbuttoned. #releasethemelons !!!!! (Sorry lol couldn’t resist hahaha it made me laugh) 

 

[Salinger]

1 hour ago, Rookie said:

 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

 

I’m sorry. Could this be a 20 seconds of courage thing? Or next time block the mirror and go for it. I find I’m less self conscious if I can’t see myself. The one good thing about weight gain is it makes the girls more voluptuous and sexy usually. Could you try experimenting with clothing? Get a high waisted skirt that goes to your knees and flares out a bit at the bottom… and maybe some suspenders and go shirtless. Or a extra long button down top and leave the top unbuttoned. #releasethemelons !!!!! (Sorry lol couldn’t resist hahaha it made me laugh) 

 

 

Spoiler

Thank you Rookie. Yes i need courage and your ideas are good. In fact, i just bought this..... my horrible legs will still be vulnerable but tummy will be covered.....I think i could feel sexy in this!?

 

[Echoceanic]

Hi Sal! Another drive by hug coming your way. :))

 

It's okay to have times where everything is on hold due to strong emotions. If you let yourself feel them they do less damage.

 

She picked you. She likes you. You can talk about at least some of it with her, at least she'll be aware of it and know it's an issue. But yeah liking yourself is really hard. 

[Salinger]

6 hours ago, Harriet said:

 

Ah. Well perhaps you need a different metric to measure success by? If you measure success by kg, it can be frustrating because it's not directly in your control (only indirectly and imperfectly). But if you measure by habits, that can be more encouraging because you choose every day whether you succeed or not. So perhaps a good plan would be to pick some habits that will sustainably lead to a lower weight, and work on implementing them very consistently? I'm doing the same thing, technically. I can't aim directly at low inflammation and low anxiety but I can meditate daily to give myself a better chance. I can't directly acquire perfect sleep and energy but I can be in bed at 9:30 daily. I can't immediately control whether I have excellent health and weight but I can eat a healthful diet daily. And so on. If you pick habits you really believe will lead to the desired results in time, then focusing on them as the metric can be better than focusing on the eventual outcomes you want, which are somewhat unpredictable and slow in coming.

 

 

It's not inevitable. If you believe this behaviour is harmful, you can change it with practice and courage. I wish you great strength and valour.

 

Yes you are totally right Harriet about measuring success differently.  I will think about this over the weekend

And also i will practice better behaviour. I never really show Rox how im feeling and ive never explicitly said to her... i feel very sad and vulnerable because your ex is cooler, sexier, thinner than me....... but yeah... ugh. i will do my best to work on this xx

[Harriet]

20 minutes ago, Salinger said:

Yes you are totally right Harriet about measuring success differently.  I will think about this over the weekend

And also i will practice better behaviour. I never really show Rox how im feeling and ive never explicitly said to her... i feel very sad and vulnerable because your ex is cooler, sexier, thinner than me....... but yeah... ugh. i will do my best to work on this xx

Awesome! And yes, a little honest talk is good. But also maybe

 

Spoiler

show her your boobs!

 

[Rookie]

6 hours ago, Salinger said:

 

  Hide contents

Thank you Rookie. Yes i need courage and your ideas are good. In fact, i just bought this..... my horrible legs will still be vulnerable but tummy will be covered.....I think i could feel sexy in this!?

 

Oh love that saucy little number. And I am sure she will too

 

I agree with Harriet

Spoiler

Show her your tiddies.

 

[Salinger]

Thanks for making me smile guys x

[Maggie-Miau]

Heyoo Sal, another thing I'd like to point out is, hasn't Rox been with you since about mid February? And has moved in with you, and came up with inviting you into the shower of her own volition. Nobody made her do those things, and none of them sound like the actions of someone who isn't attracted to you. Even if you don't fit your own standard of beauty, it seems to me that you meet R's just fine

 

Wear what you want, love. Wear whatever appeals to You. Your body is yours alone and you get to make the rules, so do have fun with it, yeah?