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Salinger's forty second challenge!


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8 hours ago, Maggie-Miau said:

You alright, Mon Amie?

 

Hey Mia, thanks for checking on me. 

 

Been a nice but also quite tough weekend. 

 

Yesterday around midday Rox started feeling down and upset. She has spoken to a doctor (last week) and been put on beta blockers for her mental health. I think she needs anti depressants tbh and that the doc doesnt realise how bad she can get...

 

She couldnt stop crying yesterday and was saying how she sometimes feels she has no personality or identity etc there was lots of stuff said and i tried hard to be there best i could, listen to her, cuddle her. 

 

Its tough when we both experience bad mental health. She thinks she burdens me, i dont but its also sometimes hard to focus on someone else and not something im totally used to....

 

Anyway. I made a roast dinner and we watched the football. I had a long hot bath which was relaxing. 


 

Spoiler

 

Then i put on my lacy leotard!!! Rox came up and got a surprise hehe

 

We then had pretty amazing sex :)

 

She defo loved seeing my boobs hahahaha

 

 

 

 

We cuddled in bed all night as we slept. And this morning. 

 

Shes at work now and i have a lot to do today work wise. Im stressing a bit about money as always, especially as its Roxy's birthday next Sunday and we were meant to be going out on the Friday. 

 

Need to make a weekly plan for stuff as getting very overwhelmed with work as ever. Bleurgh. 

 

Need a fucking break xx

 

 

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4 hours ago, Salinger said:

 

Hey Mia, thanks for checking on me. 

 

Been a nice but also quite tough weekend. 

 

Yesterday around midday Rox started feeling down and upset. She has spoken to a doctor (last week) and been put on beta blockers for her mental health. I think she needs anti depressants tbh and that the doc doesnt realise how bad she can get...

 

She couldnt stop crying yesterday and was saying how she sometimes feels she has no personality or identity etc there was lots of stuff said and i tried hard to be there best i could, listen to her, cuddle her. 

 

Its tough when we both experience bad mental health. She thinks she burdens me, i dont but its also sometimes hard to focus on someone else and not something im totally used to....

 

Anyway. I made a roast dinner and we watched the football. I had a long hot bath which was relaxing. 


 

  Hide contents

 

Then i put on my lacy leotard!!! Rox came up and got a surprise hehe

 

We then had pretty amazing sex :)

 

She defo loved seeing my boobs hahahaha

 

 

 

 

We cuddled in bed all night as we slept. And this morning. 

 

Shes at work now and i have a lot to do today work wise. Im stressing a bit about money as always, especially as its Roxy's birthday next Sunday and we were meant to be going out on the Friday. 

 

Need to make a weekly plan for stuff as getting very overwhelmed with work as ever. Bleurgh. 

 

Need a fucking break xx

 

 


Sorry Roxy's not doing well, but yay for your nice evening and little valiant step forward!

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Let cheese and oxen and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination - Harriet the Viking

Just be bold, fluid and unapologetic, not small, hairy and indecisive - Harriet the Artist

You can absorb me! - Harriet the Contextless Guru

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1 hour ago, Harriet said:


Sorry Roxy's not doing well, but yay for your nice evening and little valiant step forward!

 

Thanks Harriet, it was a good step in the right direction i think. Im trying hard. 

 

Also, thanks about Rox. We are going to spend a little time this evening, to write down the main points that she is struggling with. Then will speak to the doc again tomorrow or Wednesdy hopefully. And try to explain the seriousness of this. 

 

I fucking love her and hate to see her suffering. She feels like she doesnt support me enough, but she doesnt realise that she really does support me!! SO MUCH. The most any of my ex partners have. 

 

Anyway. 

 

Just working on funding app as always, panicking about it. It sounds amazing but there could be something not good enough etc....

 

Doing my best guys, its so so so fucking difficult right now though xx

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Hey all. it is 3am, i'm up listening to the rain, drinking tea, sat with Maisy the cat on the sofa. Yawning but also kind of wide awake. 

 

Just trying to take it easy. 

 

Today will be a busy one. Need to take my paints and canvas to the studio. Will head there around 10.30am. 

 

Then need to work on funding app as always, got some edits to do, and to add the marketing plan. Its almost ready to go i think.....By the weekend i hope. 

 

That will take up most of the day, but also got to discuss website building stuff with a client. They want to change the site platform ... so its going to be a big job. 

 

Then I will pick up Rox, and we may go back to my studio, and stretch some canvas! I have the frames already so should be ok. Depends how exhausted we both are i suppose...

 

But i would like to get it done asap because then i can start to PAINT. I have some sketches ready so just need to get on with it really :) 

 

I set up a shop on etsy... to sell some work. Or try to. Thing is, my painting is kinda very weird haha and not something people may want in their house :P

 

Anyway. May as well try hey?!

 

xx

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Hey all morning. 

 

almost 6am here, RAINING.... as always! haha 

 

I need to drill some holes into some of the plastic pots because the plants are bloody drowning :( nightmare. Meant to be summer!!!!

 

Yesterday was alright, i was at the studio all day, and got a lot of work done which is good of course. When i picked up Roxy, we just went home because both exhausted. So i still need to stretch the canvass. Maybe Friday...

 

Want to start painting asap!

 

Put a new painting (done a few months ago) onto my shop. People 'liking' it but no purchases. Thats ok, i didnt expect to sell. 

 

Anyway, today is another full on day. 

 

Need to call the doctor this morning, try to speak to them with Roxy. We wrote down symptoms and problems so we can discuss more easily with the doc. 

 

Call council to set up direct debit. 

 

Change billing date for a few things. 

 

Funding application EDITS ... and start to input into online portal. *IMPORTANT THIS GETS DONE*

 

Get letters of support together. As well as marketing plans. 

 

Meeting with gallery about application. 

 

Put some washing on, and then on radiators to dry. 

 

Then pick Rox up from work.... also could do with getting some food in (even though i have barely any money) any ideas for meals on a budget? We have some quorn mince so i could make a spag bol i suppose!!

 

Feel very full on right now but trying not to keep saying I am stressed and overwhelmed. Saying it wont help and maybe just enforces it?

 

Oh we also made a cleaning list last night, for over the next few days. Its Roxy's bday on Sunday and we want it nice for then. Also her mum is going to pop round so we want a clean house!!!

 

So, I may hoover, if i have time. But its likely i wont hahahahahaha

 

xx

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Hello all. 2.15am. 

 

Last night was pretty awful. Roxy is on the verge of a mental health breakdown and i feel totally helpless. 

 

We also are likely to have to move house. 

 

When we moved, because i am now living with someone, my benefits were decreased (which i wasnt expecting) so budgeting became a problem. 

 

Its not sustainable, its pretty impossible actually. We are totally poor and its getting us both down. 

 

I feel embarrassed and ashamed. We have made this place our home and the thought of moving again makes me feel sick. 

 

I feel embarrassed because if only i had been successful with my funding, then we wouldnt be in this situation. I failed. I am constantly failing these days. 

 

I dont know what to do/where to turn. x

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5 hours ago, Salinger said:

Hello all. 2.15am. 

 

Last night was pretty awful. Roxy is on the verge of a mental health breakdown and i feel totally helpless. 

 

We also are likely to have to move house. 

 

When we moved, because i am now living with someone, my benefits were decreased (which i wasnt expecting) so budgeting became a problem. 

 

Its not sustainable, its pretty impossible actually. We are totally poor and its getting us both down. 

 

I feel embarrassed and ashamed. We have made this place our home and the thought of moving again makes me feel sick. 

 

I feel embarrassed because if only i had been successful with my funding, then we wouldnt be in this situation. I failed. I am constantly failing these days. 

 

I dont know what to do/where to turn. x

 

I am so sorry about Roxy's ill health and the financial stress! It sounds like a lot of hard things have been coming at you, and it's not your fault.

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Let cheese and oxen and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination - Harriet the Viking

Just be bold, fluid and unapologetic, not small, hairy and indecisive - Harriet the Artist

You can absorb me! - Harriet the Contextless Guru

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Hi

I haven't been around in a while. The last update there seemed pretty bad. I'm sorry to hear Roxy's going through a bad patch, and equally sorry to hear your finances are making it hard to stay in the house. I didn't realise things had got that bad. 

Are there any economies you could make that would keep the wolf from the door? I mean, for a start, I'm conscious that you restarted your gym membership a couple of weeks ago partly as a result of us twisting your arm to make exercise plans. I wonder now if it would have been a better friend move to remind you that those things cost money and twenty quid or whatever it is will make a real difference on rent day. Maybe that's one to reconsider whether the benefits you get from going (have you been?) outweigh the pressure it's likely to add to your bank balance. That daily walk is still an option (and more likely to get done) 

Not sure what else to suggest: thinking abiut budgeting is nobody's idea of fun but it sounds like it might be something to grapple with with if you're faced with the prospect of losing your gaff. Boring but necessary thoughts to have while you're hoovering and preparing for the visit I guess! 

 

On 8/18/2021 at 5:55 AM, Salinger said:

Feel very full on right now but trying not to keep saying I am stressed and overwhelmed. Saying it wont help and maybe just enforces it?

Definitely agree. Telling yourself you don't have time to do something or too overwhelmed, too stressed usually makes you feel powerless to make changes. I mean, you can't help the way you think, so don't feel bad if you find yourself saying these things inside your own noggin, but maybe when you do it's worth stepping back and realising you have choices and yiuve chosen to spend your time the way you're spending it, and you could make other choices if you just put your mind to it. Even if you don't actually make those changes its a good way to remind yourself that you're in the drivers seat and not just being carried along by uncontrollable forces. This is one of the very few pieces of good advice I've ever had from a self help book. Not normally a genre I would touch with a ten foot pole, but there are OK ones. 

 

Fwiw, I'm really impressed that despite everything you keep powering on. I see you doing stuff on Insta, and I know that's just a small window into what you're up to, but you're promoting your work and the work of those around you, and you're making a home. You've obviously got a lot of internal motivation, and that's a precious resource. 

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Thank you for your post @18ck really nice of you to drop by and i appreciate you a lot. 

 

Its actually been a good weekend...Friday ... Roxy had half a day at work, so I picked her up and we went to my studio. We bickered a lot tbh, I really think the stressful situation of our mental health issues, plus financial stress, is taking its toll.

 

I got mad and we went home instead of stretching canvasses.

 

The doctor then rang me at about 4pm, getting permission off Roxy for me to chat to her.

 

Thing is, Rox finds it really tough to articulate just how bad its been for her. I had written some notes down in prep for chatting to the doctor, and was on the phone for 30minutes!

 

Long story short, Rox is starting some medication, low dose for now.

 

She was extremely grateful and we hugged and cried and i think we both felt a weight had been lifted, somewhat.

 

Friday night was lovely, we saw some of her friends and had some drinks.

 

Saturday we chilled out then drove to her dads in the evening. That was nice and they have a new dog so we met her too.

 

Sunday (today i guess) it is Roxy's birthday!!!!

 

This morning her mum and sister came round. Remember i mentioned Rox wanted to get into rug making? But felt she could never get the equipment etc, well me and her mum went halves and bought her a tufting gun! She sobbed so much when she opened it haha ❤️ 

 

It also came with a hand punching stick, and we spent some time this afternoon practicing. 

 

This was my first ever attempt....

 

237498596_256897832763117_7402207860198592848_n.jpg?_nc_cat=104&ccb=1-5&_nc_sid=ae9488&_nc_ohc=1J6LgJ-XwYUAX_hL_8a&_nc_ht=scontent.fman4-1.fna&oh=bcfc80ba3f4479caf9f6884d01e5c530&oe=61474DE6

 

 

We watched a lot of Colombo episodes :P  and some football and ate pizza and sweets and drank tea. Its been a lovely day and a more positive weekend for us both. 

 

 

I wrote my weekly plan out and its a real busy one. I NEED to submit the funding application asap (hoping Tuesday or Weds) the woman who is the art marketing person, is brilliant and she has helped a LOT with the public engagement stuff. Its a very strong application i think. Its just a lot of money to go for and its more than double what i usually get...so its a huge risk. 

 

Anyway. I am also going to start PAINTING tomorrow AAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHH im so nervous haha but also pretty excited too. Just need to relax and enjoy the process and not put so much pressure on myself. 

 

I have lots of sketches ready to turn into paintings! So better get cracking :)

 

House news, still looking, barely anything about atm .. so much grim shitty places - so depressing. 

 

Its 1am almost, im drinking Horlicks mmmmmm and will try to wind down xx

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5 hours ago, Harriet said:

I love the tufted Rox! So cute. I hope your painting is very enjoyable and productive tomorrow.

 

Thank you Harriet ❤️ 

 

Ive been in the studio for 4 and a half studios, painting ! Forgot my bloody speaker to play music but its been nice in silence tbh. 

 

Its a super strange painting.... not technically brilliant, but im starting to accept my style. its not pretty but my fellow art friends all seem to love it. 

 

If interested, i will post on here :)

 

xx

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3 hours ago, Salinger said:

 

Thank you Harriet ❤️ 

 

Ive been in the studio for 4 and a half studios, painting ! Forgot my bloody speaker to play music but its been nice in silence tbh. 

 

Its a super strange painting.... not technically brilliant, but im starting to accept my style. its not pretty but my fellow art friends all seem to love it. 

 

If interested, i will post on here :)

 

xx


Yes! I love weird art. Post it here! I'm glad you had some nice concentrated paint time.

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Let cheese and oxen and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination - Harriet the Viking

Just be bold, fluid and unapologetic, not small, hairy and indecisive - Harriet the Artist

You can absorb me! - Harriet the Contextless Guru

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Oh my goddess I love that bird! And the cat. And the feet. Keep sharing! It's inspiring because I get stuck practicing literal, representative stuff and feel too self conscious and unprepared to start composing and creating my own work, you know? I need to see more stuff like this. It's feels so evocative and fearless.

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Let cheese and oxen and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination - Harriet the Viking

Just be bold, fluid and unapologetic, not small, hairy and indecisive - Harriet the Artist

You can absorb me! - Harriet the Contextless Guru

Link to comment
4 minutes ago, Harriet said:

Oh my goddess I love that bird! And the cat. And the feet. Keep sharing! It's inspiring because I get stuck practicing literal, representative stuff and feel too self conscious and unprepared to start composing and creating my own work, you know? I need to see more stuff like this. It's feels so evocative and fearless.

 

Thank you so so much Harriet ❤️ really appreciate you saying this!!

 

Spurs me on to keep painting, for sure xx

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Hey all. NOT A GOOD DAY :(

 

Was meant to hammer out the application but instead.... I have mostly slept?!?!!!!!

 

Awful. Yes ok i likely needed (?) it.... but i also need to work ....

 

I feel guilty, my head hurts, not enough water drank, or food eaten. blah blah blah. 

 

Its 6.45pm. 

 

To try and salvage some of the day, im thinking of getting the following done. 

 

- Change bedding so nice and fresh for tonight

- Wash the dishes and put the bins out

- Go to the shop for salad bits

- Eat tuna pasta salad

- Watch Everton

- Have a shower

- Pick up Roxy from town

 

 

Ill feel likely a bit better if i get this done. Tomorrow NEEDS to be a million times better work wise. I HAVE to send the app tmoro :(

 

Fuck sake. 

 

ALso houses are struggling and may have to move further out from Manc :( i feel so fucking stressed right now xx

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Hello. I hope things are going better today. Good luck with the application 

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Level 20 Ferret Demon Scout

STR 43 | DEX 21 | STA 49 | CON 30 | WIS 45 | CHA 21

Challenges: #1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6 #7 #8 #9 #10 #11 #12 #13 #14 #15 #16 #17 #18 #19 #20 #21 #22 #23 #24 #25

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Valeu a pena? Tudo vale a pena Se a alma não é pequena.

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23 minutes ago, 18ck said:

Hello. I hope things are going better today. Good luck with the application 

 

Thanks mate. 

 

Got those things done last night so felt a bit better. xx

 

 

______

 

Morning all. Its almost 11am here, been up since 7am. Dropped Rox at work, came home and been working full on, on the application for 2 hours. Got A LOT done, having a break now, cup of tea and some toast. 

 

Feel bit better regarding this as I have motored through the editing. 

 

Will likely take another 3/4 hours this afternoon... then wait for one last feedback review from the person doing the art marketing. THEN SUBMIT.... then 16 weeks wait :o 

 

Damn. 

 

I have an exhibition proposal to write and submit, once this is done , and to look for open calls too!

 

But ill DEFO have a more relaxed evening, watch the footy, eat something nice (salad and chicken prob) maybe even have a bath haha 

 

Need to put some washing on and then out to dry as well, and put the dishwasher on at some point. 

 

xx

 

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Hey 2am. Went to bed around 10pm but struggling to sleep :(

 

Ive had to get up. I feel very nauseous so thats not helping. 

 

Didnt manage to send the application last night, but maybe another 2 hours work and it will be done. Ill likely do some now, then try to sleep again. 

 

Aghhh stressed. 

 

Trying hard to keep calm but feeling very overwhelmed atm xx

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