Chesire vs The Heavy Silence

[Chesire]

This time of year in my dark time.  Odd given that it is still full on summer here.  I used to think it had to do with anxiety about impending darkening of the year, yaknow, as anxiety does it's stupid crap preemptively.  But I identified the actual trigger.  The birds!  The birds!  The song birds fall quiet August into September, and even insects seem to go quiet.  The silence is so very heavy for me. 

 

I know this is coming very soon, and I will be ready to face it. 

 

Partly this will involve reminding myself that I am part of a larger, wonderful world, regardless of how the silence makes me feel weighed down and small.  I had great success being surprised on a daily basis last challenge, so that will continue as it draws me into a greater awareness of all things. 

 

Follow through and doing what I tell myself I will is a goal.  Especially not getting sucked into stupid internetting.  If I get off the computer and stay away from it, I actually do stuff very happily.  It's the inertia that is problematic. 

 

I'm kind of framing this as a 'little bit of Wen and a little bit of Granny Weatherwax."  He was always happy and surprised, she did the job that needed doing.  I will try to flesh this out more.  But can you imagine if they met?  She would think he was such a daft man.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

The concept of the silence of the birds and bugs is intriguing. Do you know why that is? 

A challenging time of year is tough to get through. I offer what support I can give.

[sarakingdom]

7 hours ago, Chesire said:

I'm kind of framing this as a 'little bit of Wen and a little bit of Granny Weatherwax."  He was always happy and surprised, she did the job that needed doing.  I will try to flesh this out more.  But can you imagine if they met?  She would think he was such a daft man.

 

He spent quite a bit of time with Nanny Ogg, as I recall...

 

7 hours ago, Chesire said:

I had great success being surprised on a daily basis last challenge, so that will continue as it draws me into a greater awareness of all things. 

 

I will have to pay more attention this time around. I failed to learn your history monk secrets last challenge.

 

7 hours ago, Chesire said:

Partly this will involve reminding myself that I am part of a larger, wonderful world, regardless of how the silence makes me feel weighed down and small. 

 

I think Wen would probably say that feeling small was delightful, because that's the only way to appreciate just how large and full of wonders that made the rest of the world.

 

7 hours ago, Chesire said:

The birds!  The birds!  The song birds fall quiet August into September, and even insects seem to go quiet.  The silence is so very heavy for me. 

 

Granny Weatherwax is probably just grateful when September comes and she can stop listening to every damn thing in creation chirping all day long about how much sex they want to have.

 

I actually love the silence of autumn. It frees you up to smell the leaves and the chill in the air. Autumn smells of things. Putting a little bit of a sensory dampening field around everyone shifts their focus to nesting in before winter, the same way that rainy or snowy days do, but on a broad scale. And in September, that comes with one last burst of warmth and plant growth and sunshine. It's definitely witching weather.

[Chesire]

8 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

The concept of the silence of the birds and bugs is intriguing. Do you know why that is? 

I've never looked into it, but I've assumed it has to do with the birds aren't calling for mates anymore.  May their also busy packing up, as it were?  They haven't left yet; I still see a great variety.

 

3 hours ago, sarakingdom said:

He spent quite a bit of time with Nanny Ogg, as I recall...

True, true....  but I think he had some things on his mind.

 

3 hours ago, sarakingdom said:

I will have to pay more attention this time around. I failed to learn your history monk secrets last challenge.

I think I even have MrC joining me in daily surprises this time!  I obviously needed someone to share them with, he was my lucky victim.  He quietly started paying attention to his little world too. 

 

3 hours ago, sarakingdom said:

I actually love the silence of autumn.

I love that too.  It's so hard to explain that this time isn't the same as that.  This is the silence that seems artificial in it's magnitude, especially given I still see critters, but don't hear them. Hardly any rustling in leaves, even!   By mid-September the new crew is coming in, squirrels are padding nests with ridiculous mouthfuls of leaves, the crows are chattering, and you get those glorious cool, crisp mornings that evolve into beautiful warm days.

 

3 hours ago, sarakingdom said:

I think Wen would probably say that feeling small was delightful, because that's the only way to appreciate just how large and full of wonders that made the rest of the world.

Thank you for this reframing.  I'm actively going to try to shift my perspective from "pressed down into a very small locked box" too "reminded I a small part of this amazing whole."

[Chesire]

The situation is dire.  A 3 mile walk, only 2 birds heard.  Ok, a bit melodramatic, I agree     Actually I decided it was just a thing I noticed but not a thing to press on me. 

 

More importantly, I have a plan.  ✊

 

I will continue my workout schedule from last time, with a weird set-up of Tues as a rest day.  Strength will be combined with play and trying to advance my pull-ups and crow pose, only if my body and brain are up for it.   Otherwise basic strength in on the plan.  Running is just running.  Get out and do whatever I feel like that day, preferably with one day of music/audio-less run.

 

The surprises will continue until morale improves. 

 

I started a big knitting project last month and I plan to finish it in this challenge.  My first sweater.  Eep.  So far, so good.  I will try to average about 20 min/day, which will probably actually be 1 hour on the weekend and a little during the week.   I have another project lined up in the wings. 

 

I slacked eating for iron content a few months ago.  That will be in mind for food planning this time. 

 

I think that's the basics for now.  Updates and adaptations are always allowed.  

[juliebarkley]

On 7/27/2021 at 6:19 PM, Chesire said:

Partly this will involve reminding myself that I am part of a larger, wonderful world, regardless of how the silence makes me feel weighed down and small.  I had great success being surprised on a daily basis last challenge, so that will continue as it draws me into a greater awareness of all things. 

I am intrigued.

[Chesire]

On 8/1/2021 at 9:44 PM, juliebarkley said:

I am intrigued.

It serves to encourage me to actually pay attention to and engage in my surroundings, not just drift through with blind familiarity.   Just my own form of mindfulness

[Chesire]

So far, so good.

 

Surprises!

• The best one yet!  A thank you for being a good friend!  I know she appreciates my friendship, and it wasn't necessary, but always lovely to hear.
• feeling more invigorated to create since I'm feeling more welcome at my new job (local yarn and fabric store)
• how good it feels to step away from the computer and just sit outside
• I haven't spotted it yet, butthere is some plant in bloom right now that smells like a cucumber body spray I used in my teens
• how very surprised people were that I offered for a time-crunched woman to go ahead of me when giving blood.  I'd rather lose a bit of time in my day and they get 2 units.
• I was struck how eye-catching two white birch were in a reflection when I had to actually seek to see them directly
• managed a 60 sec right side star plank!  I've been rehabbing that shoulder and didn't expect to be able to do more than 30 sec

 

If you've read for content, you will notice I was able to give blood, which means eating for iron content has worked out. 

Knitting work took a bit of a back seat as I was trying to make a skirt.  Results are not thrilling, but I have a plan to adapt it for me.

 

And I'm actively reminding myself that I'm part of a great big whole when the silence is pressing.  Also, seeking other signs of life, like looking for the critters, not listening.  It's helping.  Especially since I saw a squirrel fall out of a tree.  What?!  Josie thought it was a gift from the heavens, but it recovered very quickly

[Chesire]

Project success!  I was able to wear my skirt to work!  Now we return to our regularly scheduled knitting.  Or we will try it but the heat and humidity might make a no go right now.

 

Two weeks in a row grocery stores were sold out of chicken liver.  I tried beef/calf and at least it didn't go to waste but no thanks.  For now I've turned to potions, iron pills, to keep the RLS at bay until I can stock up again.  I'd really rather eat real food, but I'll take what I can get.

 

Surprises!

-ripe wild blueberries on a walk.  mmmmmmm.....

-how good it feels to immerse in a project

-funny one;  we were trying to find a parking spot for a local trail that wasn't clearly marked on any map.  So I just dropped a pin in the map at my best guess which was 221 xyz rd.  Lo and behold!  The mailbox next to the parking lot was 221 xyz rd.

-Went for a run.  Didn't want to run.  I gave myself permission to shorten in my taking the first turning if I really wanted that.  Once permission was granted I happily did the full original planned run.  Brains are weird.

-a rainy early morning walk was fun

-How strong the pull is from a cell phone and how much it really keeps me from fully participating in my world even when I only have it with me for emergencies.  Mine wasn't working right, so that pull was gone.  I checked in to my world so much more in that time.  Trying to leave the phone home now.

[Chesire]

Good but exhausting weekend.  Had a memorial cookout for MrC's best friend who past last year.  Closure is finally here, but phew I'm wiped.

[Chesire]

Grumble grumble grumble   Poot, even!   I seem to have injured my foot in a way that I shouldn't run for a bit.  I really should rest it completely but that is pretty darn hard to arrange.  So focus on upper body work, legs are on break, discounting walking with very supportive shoes and a contained pace.  boo. 

 

I'm sorta getting away from the computer.  It's just so hard when it is more efficient to pre-shop online before going to the store.  Or any number of things, like bank accounts and credit cards for budget tracking.   Those are necessary and I need to remind myself that is ok as long as doesn't devolve into surfing. 

 

I'm mostly almost satisfied with my efforts to do the thing that needs to be done because someone needs to do it. 

 

 

[Chesire]

To start with, my foot is improving with rest, but I'll be taking it easy for another week and making sure to do self care.

 

Granny has been present at work with me as I've simply done what needs to be and taking over a few tasks that were stressing the owner.  I already know her weaknesses so I can slip in and catch what falls through her planning before she even realizes it slipped.  Becoming more comfortable in general and finding my place in the group has helped.

 

I've not specifically focused on surprises this week, no real reason.

 

A work related surprise:  I put forth the idea for knitter/crafter/etc self-care kits as stocking stuffers with massage tools and such which was very well received, to the extent that she asked if I'd be willing to run a self-care class.  Yes!  That totally fits my comfort and skill level!

 

And a touch of humor that made me chuckle.  MrC was watching a silly show about heavy metal bands.  I recognized a fair bit of the bands mentioned, certainly way more than he did, from my finding myself, tough girl 20's.  So I talking about being on the edge of the ubiquitous pit at concerts, and my general experiences ....  while middle-aged me is sitting, knitting, drying out from walking the dog in a incoming hurricane.  The juxtaposition seemed to classic for me to not laugh at myself.  

 

Was reminded yesterday just how healing it is to spend time with friends, just hanging out. 

[Chesire]

Well, apparently we know what was the Impossible Thing this month.  Logging in here.

 

I didn't exactly blow off this challenge, but I didn't succeed in working toward my goals as stated.  Vacation starts bright and early on the 4th so I'll do a wrap up now.

 

The heavy silence did not win this month, thanks to mindful surprises and SaraKingdom's re-framing that being small shows I'm part of a large and wonderful world. 

 

On 7/31/2021 at 7:41 PM, Chesire said:

only if my body and brain are up for it.   Otherwise basic strength in on the plan.  Running is just running.  Get out and do whatever I feel like that day, preferably with one day of music/audio-less run.

It turns out my body and brain were not up for it.  And that is ok.  I think I know why on both counts so I'm not worried that this will become a trend.  I like be active and feeling able, there has just been a huge mental and emotional load for both me and MrC (which also means for me,) both of which take time and energy to overcome.  One of these days I will feel like I CAN EVEN do the things, and I will.

 

A wonderful last surprise the other day.  There are Little Free Libraries around my city and I found a hard cover copy of the Bromeliad Trilogy! 

 

See you all next challenge, maybe with more energy to participate beyond dailydares.