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Scaly Freak searches for a sleep spell


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A flock of sheep that leisurely pass by
  One after one; the sound of rain, and bees
  Murmuring; the fall of rivers, winds and seas,
Smooth fields, white sheets of water, and pure sky —

I've thought of all by turns, and still I lie
  Sleepless; and soon the small birds' melodies
  Must hear, first utter'd from my orchard trees,
And the first cuckoo's melancholy cry.

Even thus last night, and two nights more I lay,
  And could not win thee, Sleep, by any stealth:
So do not let me wear to-night away.
  Without thee what is all the morning's wealth?
Come, blessed barrier between day and day,
  Dear mother of fresh thoughts and joyous health!

 

- To Sleep, by William Wordsworth

 

MCguSE0.png

 

 

As hinted by the title of this thread, I am carrying over my goals from the previous challenge period, and continuing my quest for better sleep, and more of it. Thanks to insights and pointed questions from my therapist, insights and snark from various members of this community, and some introspection of my own, I've managed to identify the two biggest obstacles to meeting my sleep goals:

 

1. Sleeping is not enjoyable. With exercise or other activities there's often some kind of joy or pleasure to be had just from the activity itself (walking or barbell lifting comes to mind), but if sleeping is enjoyable to do I haven't noticed, and it's unlikely I ever will, since I'm sleeping while it happens. Reading a book or watching my current favorite show, or playing more of my video game, that on the other hand is very enjoyable.

 

2. I have an established evening routine that is informal and super-easy to maintain. Any little change at all, be it setting up the coffee pot for tomorrow morning, or picking out pieces of my outfit for tomorrow, takes a lot more effort than to simply float along with the existing routine. The reason this is an issue is because I don't have a lot of energy in the evenings these days. More often then not I max out my mental energy bandwidth by making dinner.

 

So I need to figure out how to overcome these.

 

The first obstacle is the most difficult one. Thankfully I already started making some progress in my last challenge, and I have noticed that when I get more sleep at night, the following day is easier. This will be my focus: Sleep is a means to an end.

 

Another hurdle for overcoming the first obstacle is that the universe has decided that there was not enough stress in our life this summer, and arranged to have a couple of things break around the house, along with the sprinklers watering our lawn, right in time for someone to back their car into my car while I was out picking up a grocery order. This is relevant because stress give me bad dreams, everything from merely uncanny valley levels of weird, to full-on nightmares. This makes sleep even more Not Enjoyable. Strategies for managing the stress are under development.

 

The second obstacle is easier. I need to start small by building my new routine one thing at a time, and the parts of it that use up more energy simply need to be done earlier in the evening. For as long as mental bandwidth is scarce, I will try to avoid becoming too ambitious with this goal, and simply continue to do what I was doing in the previous challenge period. We can branch out later.

 

And that is it. Onward!

 

ARISE, GO FORTH, AND CONQUER! | Hugs quotes funny, Entertaining funny, Funny  animal pictures

 

Lastly, those of you who don't know me very well yet:

 

Spoiler

 

I cheerfully approach all my challenges as video game quests, with boss fights and level grinding, I have reframed my anxiety into pyromancy, because it's very destructive when it flares up and gets out of control. But like the pyromancy flame, if the chaos is embraced and can be harnessed, all that energy can be used against against my enemies. In fireball form.

 

I don't really have a good track record in my boss fights so far:

 

  • Self-Sabotage reflects every attack or spell I throw at her, and it hurts. She also drains levels and health, and heals herself with what she drains from her opponent.

    • Current strategy: Run and hide and hope she won't find me (but she always does).

  • Procrastination is good at hiding and then hitting me with a back-stab when I least expect it.

    • Current strategy: Ignore; deal with her later.

  • Self-Indulgence was gradually convinced it would be easier for her to reach her goal if we worked together. Before the alliance fell apart on its own, Self-Indulgence was viciously attacked by a very angry unicorn.

    • Current strategy: Dance on her grave

  • Stress-Hydra spawns whenever too many things are happening at once, or when something really big and overwhelming happens, and cutting off one of her heads makes no difference because it respawns almost immediately.

    • Current strategy: The Herakles Technique: Ask a trusted friend to help

 

I'm currently dual-classing as a Warrior Druid, because meditation is a great way to quietly build Endurance and Resilience stats while waiting for the gym to become a safe option for me again.

 

 

  • Like 9

Reading Challenge Thread 2022

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scalyfreak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31; Ch 32; Ch 33; Ch 34; Ch 35; Ch 36; Ch 37; Ch 38; Ch 39; Ch 40; Intermission V

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Even video game characters have to rest. In some games it buffs the number of experience points you get while adventuring. It's a question of quality questing, you know? Good luck finding the path.

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Let cheese and oxen and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination - Harriet the Viking

Just be bold, fluid and unapologetic, not small, hairy and indecisive - Harriet the Artist

You can absorb me! - Harriet the Contextless Guru

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f1dfe755ff76960d5ea7f2f7cec252f4.jpg.3dcadad7dc7f094dfc219281b9ef4e96.jpg

 

Sleep is a key enabler that allows for every other goal to be accomplished. I look forward to watching your journey and will shamelessly steal any idea that you find to apply to my own sleep struggles. 

 

In other words, Following! 

 

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2 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

I somehow missed the parts about nightmares, that can definitely wreak havoc with sleep enjoyment. 😕

 

You didn't miss anything, I haven't mentioned them before. They have gotten worse in the past week and a half, most likely due to increased stress, which is why I decided to call them out as a sleep quality factor.

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Reading Challenge Thread 2022

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scalyfreak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31; Ch 32; Ch 33; Ch 34; Ch 35; Ch 36; Ch 37; Ch 38; Ch 39; Ch 40; Intermission V

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I'll be doing my usual hopping in and out, stealing ideas for that great battle of acceptance that getting some decent sleep turns out to be.

 

As usual, I have full confidence you'll struggle at first, then prevail and befriend the Void of the Sleep monster to make it a trusted sidekick in your other battles. Looking forward for your insights (and those of your therapist).

 

 

13 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

Procrastination is good at hiding and then hitting me with a back-stab when I least expect it.

  • Current strategy: Ignore; deal with her later.

You've made my day. That way to put it is awesome, thanks for the burst of joy I've felt reading it. 🙂

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Legally bound to hug people in need.

 

Living life as a Druid is about walking with the beasts. It's about being scared, looking your fears in the eyes and going on anyway. Dread doesn't go away, you just learn to know it. It's still a beast, it still has fangs, but you walk among it.

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25 minutes ago, Scaly Freak said:

You didn't miss anything, I haven't mentioned them before. They have gotten worse in the past week and a half, most likely due to increased stress, which is why I decided to call them out as a sleep quality factor.

 

Very sorry to hear about the nightmares. I only get them when I'm too hot. Stress induced nightmares sound very crappy indeed 😕

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Let cheese and oxen and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination - Harriet the Viking

Just be bold, fluid and unapologetic, not small, hairy and indecisive - Harriet the Artist

You can absorb me! - Harriet the Contextless Guru

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I like this challenge for you!

Does your bedtime routine involve a set bedtime? If so, does that help? I also have a sleep piece this round, which is funny, because in the last week I seem to be defaulting to sleep all the time.

 

Here to cheer you on!

🦋

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24 minutes ago, Jean said:

As usual, I have full confidence you'll struggle at first, then prevail and befriend the Void of the Sleep monster to make it a trusted sidekick in your other battles. Looking forward for your insights (and those of your therapist).

 

You have a lot more confidence in this than I do then. But that's no reason to give up! I anticipate confidence will build as I start finding small victories along the way. :) 

 

23 minutes ago, Harriet said:

Very sorry to hear about the nightmares. I only get them when I'm too hot. Stress induced nightmares sound very crappy indeed 😕

 

They very much are. I've been told it's my brain's attempt to process the anxiety-fueled fears of all the worst case scenarios it can think of. Regrettably, my anxiety has a very vivid imagination.

 

22 minutes ago, Heidi said:

I like this challenge for you!

Does your bedtime routine involve a set bedtime? If so, does that help? 

 

Not anymore, because it did not help. Anticipating the bed time and trying to figure out how to make my attempted routine to  match it, caused me stress. I'm going to try and reverse-engineer this  instead, and get the routine done first, and then try to find a bedtime for myself.

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Reading Challenge Thread 2022

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scalyfreak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31; Ch 32; Ch 33; Ch 34; Ch 35; Ch 36; Ch 37; Ch 38; Ch 39; Ch 40; Intermission V

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1 hour ago, Scaly Freak said:

I'm going to try and reverse-engineer this  instead, and get the routine done first, and then try to find a bedtime for myself.

Very Zen.

#DruidApproved.

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&Heidi

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3 hours ago, Jean said:

As usual, I have full confidence you'll struggle at first, then prevail and befriend the Void of the Sleep monster to make it a trusted sidekick in your other battles. Looking forward for your insights (and those of your therapist).

Seconding. You are talented at framing your problems in original ways that make them easier to approach, such as:

 

16 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

This will be my focus: Sleep is a means to an end.

 

That's brilliant. Simple and true.

 

I also am sorry to hear about the nightmares. Anyone wound shy away from sleep in the face of that. I hope that my describing bloody murders right before bedtime has not been contributing.

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36 minutes ago, juliebarkley said:

I also am sorry to hear about the nightmares. Anyone wound shy away from sleep in the face of that. I hope that my describing bloody murders right before bedtime has not been contributing.

 

The content of the nightmares directly relates to to stress-factors in my daily life, so I highly doubt that.

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Reading Challenge Thread 2022

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scalyfreak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31; Ch 32; Ch 33; Ch 34; Ch 35; Ch 36; Ch 37; Ch 38; Ch 39; Ch 40; Intermission V

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Coincidentally, I just started an audiobook on dream yoga*... I'll let you know if I find anything interesting or applicable.

 

I'm sorry you don't get to enjoy your sleep. I was just now trying to think of what makes sleep enjoyable, and for me it starts with how I feel about going to sleep. Tonight is going to be glorious when my head hits the pillow because I worked all day and it was productive and I'm physically and mentally tired and satisfied... so I can see how having stressful days can cause stressful sleep... i.e. I imagine when we have a difficult day with unfinished, unsettled business and that carries over into sleep.

 

The other half is feeling refreshed when you wake up... which you're only gonna get from a good night's sleep.

 

Have you kept watch over these things?... looking for the little signs of good quality sleep either pre- or post-sleep?

 

*Not at all like the first thing that probably comes into mind.

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=====================================================================================================

 

--Stronkey Kong--

 

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2 minutes ago, Stronkey Kong said:

Tonight is going to be glorious when my head hits the pillow because I worked all day and it was productive and I'm physically and mentally tired and satisfied

 

That doesn't happen to me. I think this is a large part of my problem. 

Reading Challenge Thread 2022

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scalyfreak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31; Ch 32; Ch 33; Ch 34; Ch 35; Ch 36; Ch 37; Ch 38; Ch 39; Ch 40; Intermission V

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1 hour ago, Scaly Freak said:

That doesn't happen to me. I think this is a large part of my problem. 

 

What happens for you? I noticed if I work out too close to bedtime, I have trouble falling asleep. And on days with a lot of information to process, too (especially social events). But exercise earlier in the day seems to be good.

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Let cheese and oxen and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination - Harriet the Viking

Just be bold, fluid and unapologetic, not small, hairy and indecisive - Harriet the Artist

You can absorb me! - Harriet the Contextless Guru

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On 8/1/2021 at 7:31 AM, Scaly Freak said:

The second obstacle is easier. I need to start small by building my new routine one thing at a time, and the parts of it that use up more energy simply need to be done earlier in the evening. For as long as mental bandwidth is scarce, I will try to avoid becoming too ambitious with this goal, and simply continue to do what I was doing in the previous challenge period. We can branch out later.

Sounds smart! 

 

It's a bit of a vicious cycle, lack of sleep makes anxiety worse, anxiety makes sleep quality worse.. it sucks.

Tbh even with being 5000% convinced of sleeps value, it can still be hard to get enough of it. 

That sense of accomplishment that @Stronkey Kongmentioned, now that I think about it, that does help me get to sleep when I got it. When you said; 

8 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

That doesn't happen to me. I think this is a large part of my problem. 

did you mean the gloriousness of hitting your pillow or did you mean that sense of accomplishment? If it's the second then maybe you could find small things to get that feeling? 

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9 hours ago, Harriet said:

What happens for you?

 

Mostly this:

 

10 hours ago, Stronkey Kong said:

a difficult day with unfinished, unsettled business and that carries over into sleep

 

 

2 hours ago, KB Girl said:

did you mean the gloriousness of hitting your pillow or did you mean that sense of accomplishment?

 

Yes.

 

Sense of accomplishment sounds like it should be an easy thing to find, but The Flame burns it away by pointing out all the many things it could have gone better (if not for me, of course - Self-Sabotage likes to whisper in the night), and all the many things that are left still to do.

 

This becomes worse when there are adult things that actually need to be done, like dealing with auto-insurance companies and trying to schedule repairs of the damaged car, or scheduling contractors to come repair broken thing on the house and in the backyard, and thing like that. When one of these bigger things is present and outside of my control, little things I can control are built up into a Really Big Deal and cause disproportionate stress, which keeps me awake at night.

 

Meditating at bed time helps, so I have been doing that, but it would be nice if it helped a lot more effectively than it feels like it does.

  • Like 6

Reading Challenge Thread 2022

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scalyfreak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31; Ch 32; Ch 33; Ch 34; Ch 35; Ch 36; Ch 37; Ch 38; Ch 39; Ch 40; Intermission V

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3 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

Sense of accomplishment sounds like it should be an easy thing to find

 

It's not for me. What seems to matter aren't the goals that we set, or what seems realistic, it's the things I think I should have performed to handle what I figure as external pressures (but are really mostly imagined potential pushbacks that don't really seem to materialize most of the time, though they do hit really hard when they do). Feeling like I haven't done nearly enough pushes me toward less sleep. Less sleep destroys my efficiency, meaning I have done even less of what should have been done by the next evening, and so on...

 

I don't see an easy solution. It's not without reason that many people have a breakdown where their body has to tell them that "hey, you've gone far enough, this ends here! Rest NOW!".

 

Sleep really is a mean to an end. We should respect and take care of our means, they carry us through our endeavours.

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Legally bound to hug people in need.

 

Living life as a Druid is about walking with the beasts. It's about being scared, looking your fears in the eyes and going on anyway. Dread doesn't go away, you just learn to know it. It's still a beast, it still has fangs, but you walk among it.

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5 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

Yes.

 

Sense of accomplishment sounds like it should be an easy thing to find, but The Flame burns it away by pointing out all the many things it could have gone better (if not for me, of course - Self-Sabotage likes to whisper in the night), and all the many things that are left still to do.

 

This becomes worse when there are adult things that actually need to be done, like dealing with auto-insurance companies and trying to schedule repairs of the damaged car, or scheduling contractors to come repair broken thing on the house and in the backyard, and thing like that. When one of these bigger things is present and outside of my control, little things I can control are built up into a Really Big Deal and cause disproportionate stress, which keeps me awake at night.

 

Meditating at bed time helps, so I have been doing that, but it would be nice if it helped a lot more effectively than it feels like it does.

I'm sorry you have to deal with that too. I can unfortunately relate. The irony is that sometimes I have an objectively great day- did things I've been putting off, cleaned a bunch of stuff etc- and those will often be when I feel the worst, because why didn't I just do those things before/earlier? or silly thoughts like that. 

But it does work for me to do some easy menial task in the evening.. like laundry, or sweeping the floor. Maybe it's the movement that helps me sleep better? I dont know. Just thinking out loud in the hopes it can help. 

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2023 Battle Log: over here

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14 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

Sense of accomplishment sounds like it should be an easy thing to find, but The Flame burns it away by pointing out all the many things it could have gone better (if not for me, of course - Self-Sabotage likes to whisper in the night), and all the many things that are left still to do.

 

This becomes worse when there are adult things that actually need to be done, like dealing with auto-insurance companies and trying to schedule repairs of the damaged car, or scheduling contractors to come repair broken thing on the house and in the backyard, and thing like that. When one of these bigger things is present and outside of my control, little things I can control are built up into a Really Big Deal and cause disproportionate stress, which keeps me awake at night.

 

Meditating at bed time helps, so I have been doing that, but it would be nice if it helped a lot more effectively than it feels like it does.

 

I was reading, and discussing with my brother, the Buddhist idea that there are two or three layers to our experiences. There are the objective physical sensations and facts. Then the emotions we have about them, and then the stories we tell ourselves to explain the world. I have been trying to pay attention when I feel bad because sometimes it's the sensations, but often it's the stories that make things a lot worse. So I've been trying to imagine myself untying the story like a thread, opening my hands to let the emotions go, watching them drift off, and focusing on the sensations and facts about the moment. It is already helping a little, though I need practice. I can see that stories are hurting you--things you could have done but didn't are stories, not sensations--so maybe it could help to bring a similar mindfulness experience to non-meditation parts of your day? Just a though because it's what I'm working on right now, too.

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Let cheese and oxen and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination - Harriet the Viking

Just be bold, fluid and unapologetic, not small, hairy and indecisive - Harriet the Artist

You can absorb me! - Harriet the Contextless Guru

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22 hours ago, Jean said:

It's not for me. What seems to matter aren't the goals that we set, or what seems realistic, it's the things I think I should have performed to handle what I figure as external pressures (but are really mostly imagined potential pushbacks that don't really seem to materialize most of the time, though they do hit really hard when they do). Feeling like I haven't done nearly enough pushes me toward less sleep. Less sleep destroys my efficiency, meaning I have done even less of what should have been done by the next evening, and so on...

 

This is disturbingly familiar. 

 

19 hours ago, KB Girl said:

But it does work for me to do some easy menial task in the evening.. like laundry, or sweeping the floor. 

 

I've started experimenting with something similar to this, but it's too soon to say if the experiment is a success or failure.

 

11 hours ago, Harriet said:

There are the objective physical sensations and facts. Then the emotions we have about them, and then the stories we tell ourselves to explain the world. I have been trying to pay attention when I feel bad because sometimes it's the sensations, but often it's the stories that make things a lot worse.

 

This is spot on. The Flame of Anxiety is fueled by the horror stories the mind invents in an effort to justify why the strong emotion came into existence to start with. And yes, it's true that mindfulness can slow down the stories and bring them to a halt, and sometimes even stop them from starting up in the first place. I've noticed that when using Mindfulness in the past, but it's not working as well as it used to. I'm starting to think that my mental resilience overall is less than it was earlier this year, and I am not sure if it is because having the car and various house appliance need repair is making my brain jump straight back into what life was like during The Kitchen Flood, or because 17 straight months of never-ending stress has finally started to wear me down.

 

Either way, something needs to change. 

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Reading Challenge Thread 2022

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scalyfreak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31; Ch 32; Ch 33; Ch 34; Ch 35; Ch 36; Ch 37; Ch 38; Ch 39; Ch 40; Intermission V

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1 hour ago, Scaly Freak said:

This is disturbingly familiar. 

 

That's why I'm confident you'll break through and come out triumphant. ;)

 

Also, what @Harriet  wrote. That is wisom, right there (thanks!).

 

 

1 hour ago, Scaly Freak said:

And yes, it's true that mindfulness can slow down the stories and bring them to a halt, and sometimes even stop them from starting up in the first place.

 

I find that summoning positive, heroic imagery, that is, filling my mind with a "hero's journey" type of story keeps the negative framing away. There's a lot of power in storytelling, just as much as in music. Speaking of which, music can turn anything upside down or downside up in my life, that's a powerful tool too.

 

You've gone through a lot this past time. I know it's far from easy to implement but you can use all the kindness you can get. Please, be kind with Scaly Freak, I enjoy following her adventures very much.

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Legally bound to hug people in need.

 

Living life as a Druid is about walking with the beasts. It's about being scared, looking your fears in the eyes and going on anyway. Dread doesn't go away, you just learn to know it. It's still a beast, it still has fangs, but you walk among it.

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2 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

This is spot on. The Flame of Anxiety is fueled by the horror stories the mind invents in an effort to justify why the strong emotion came into existence to start with. And yes, it's true that mindfulness can slow down the stories and bring them to a halt, and sometimes even stop them from starting up in the first place. I've noticed that when using Mindfulness in the past, but it's not working as well as it used to. I'm starting to think that my mental resilience overall is less than it was earlier this year, and I am not sure if it is because having the car and various house appliance need repair is making my brain jump straight back into what life was like during The Kitchen Flood, or because 17 straight months of never-ending stress has finally started to wear me down.

 

Either way, something needs to change. 

 

Alas, that is not good that it isn't working as well as it used to. 😕 I hope you can build some calm and resilience back after all the chaos.

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Let cheese and oxen and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination - Harriet the Viking

Just be bold, fluid and unapologetic, not small, hairy and indecisive - Harriet the Artist

You can absorb me! - Harriet the Contextless Guru

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