L'Art De Vivre -- Magdalena's year to create the Art of Living (#7)

[Jié Xī]

I joined NFR in Fall of 2019 and have failed every challenge.

 

Every. Single. One.

 

The last two challenges, I didn't even bother setting up because I knew it would be one two more fails. Nevertheless, I did attempt to lose weight during both. I've seesawed between 165 and 172 for over a year and a half.

2019: My lowest was 159 in May 2019, right before I went on vacation. I joined NFR in the fall at 178.

2020: My highest was 183. My lowest was 16

2021. In March, I was at my lowest at 162. Then I went on vacation.

 

June 2021 began at 168, had two binges, and ended at 165.4.

 

July 2021 began at 165.4, had one 5-day binge, and ended at 163.6. 

 

August began with an 8-day binge.

 

POSSIBLE SOLUTION

 

I wasn't even going to do this challenge, but I think I have finally found a solution to my problem. The reason I binge so often is because I haven't allowed carbs since 2021 when I actually hit my goal of 129 (from normal weight of 150) and maintained 134 on a low carb diet for a year and a half. (I gained 15+ pounds after binge eating carbs all summer). Then I got pregnant back-to-back, gained 60 and kept it on for 4 years. 

 

I need a diet that allows all foods, including whatever carbs there are. 2 months/challenges ago, I discovered Intermittent Fasting allows as much. I never would have considered fasting before, but I was desperate. The first I heard of was 5:2, which I thought sounded amazing for maintenance but seemed too slow for someone who is used to losing 10 pounds a month with Keto (if I don't binge, which I haven't successfully accomplished since 2012). So in June, I tried 16:8. It was hard. I can NOT cut out my first thing in the morning coffee and I can NOT not have creamer. So that meant I had to close my window at 6 pm. That cut out 6 hours of habitual snacking. I pushed through (except for weekends, and still ended up binging and only losing .6 a week even on weeks and weekends that I adhered perfectly.

 

Because the loss was sooooooo slow, and I'm tired of dieting/deprivation AND being fat (come on, at least if I'm deprived always dieting I should be thin), I tried Keto AND 16:8 in July. That's what ended up triggering the 8-day binge last week. On Sunday, I ate half a doughnut, then a couple slices of cheesecake after church and then later went to the store for a slice of tuxedo cake. Really? Even on a typical binge, I only have one dessert on a day. Even if I have several helpings of the same dessert (which is why I almost NEVER buy more than a slice), I've never had several helpings and then, oh, let's go get something else too.

 

So Sunday night (while eating the tuxedo cake), I read a book on Alternate Day Fasting which allows for eating bread and not counting calories every other day. But as I looked over a typical week, I knew I could never do it. One, the routine is always different -- 4 days one week, 3 days the next. Also, a Friday and Sunday or Saturday is always part of the mix. Not realistic. Not maintainable for life. The best I could tweak was  fasting (500 calories) on Mon and Wed and allowing 500 on a Friday night but 100% that would feel like a diet and something that I could (and would) cheat on.

 

But obviously, fasting 2x a day (4 times in a 14-day period) is NOT Alternate Day Fasting (7 fast days in a 14-day period). It's barely more than half. And even if I count both half-fast Fridays, that only 5x in a 14-day period. That can't possibly be enough to eat whatever I want every other day. So then I had to create calorie limits for the other days, which once again means it is not Alternate Day Fasting. 

 

That's when I realized that basically what I had created was the 5:2 plan. The one that inspired me to try IF in the first place. The one that I knew instinctively I could do for life to maintain. 

2 days @ 500 calories

5 days @ Maintenance Calories - 500 (for me, that's 1400) for weight loss or Maintenance Calories (1900).

 

It's probably the slowest of all the IF's, which is why I wasn't going to attempt it for weight loss. I want/wanted to lose 10 pounds a month, or at least 8. But looking back over the last several months, and realizing I am miserable/deprived all the time (or bingeing) and only losing 2-3 pounds a month, I may as well be happy/not deprived and not binging (because all foods are allowed in moderation) and lose 2-3 pounds a month (maybe/praying/hoping) 4 pounds a month. 

 

I wasn't going to come back to NFR until I could report a success, but I logged in today to check the challenge dates and realized it just started and that I would basically be skipping an entire challenge again. So I've decided to log my progress after all. 

 

CHALLENGE GOALS

 

My goals are EXTREMELY modest. 

 

1) Stick to 5:2 (eat mostly 500 / 1400 and NEVER more than 500 / 1900)

2) Yoga on Fast Days

3) Weights on Non-Fasting Days

4) Weight loss: Of course I would love to end this challenge at 159 (as I've wanted to end nearly every challenge I've ever done). And I don't really know my starting weight (due to the binge). So, I will consider this challenge / 5:2 a success if Sept 3rd's weight is 1.5 pounds less than this Friday's (8/14) weight.

[Jié Xī]

Day 1 (Monday/yesterday): Post-binge weight: 170.4.  (Pre-binge weight: 163.6.)

 

I was STARVING.  However, it's because of how I choose to divvy up my calories and because I forgot to drink water. My calories are as follows:

 

Breakfast (Coffee w/ cream): 100
Omega-3: 60
Lunch (Coffee w/ cream): 100
Supper (Red Pepper and Tomato Soup): 130
Dessert: 90% Chocolate: 64
Dessert: 1/2 Coffee w/ cream: 50

 

TOTAL: 504

 

Yes, I am addicted to coffee. It is my main "comfort food" which is why I can't go without it on a Fast day. Next time, I will try to drink water in place of the second coffee so that I can have a heartier supper. 

 

I did not do yoga, but only because it didn't occur to me until today that Fast days would be a perfect day to do so since I'm too scared to lift on days I'm not getting much protein. 

 

Day 2 (Tuesday/today):  166.0. (I knew some of my 6 pound gain was water, but I am stunned that I dropped 4.4. I feel much less discouraged!). 

 

2 slices of Panera bread (left over from binge) with honey butter.

2 Coffees

Omega-3: 60

Pork Rinds and Jalapeno Dip (left over from Keto July)

Small Lunchmeat sandwich on an actual roll! w/ potato salad

Pulled Chicken with a sweet bourbon barbecue sauce on a brioche roll!!!!!! (Never had one, have been wanting to try for YEARS).

3 blocks 90% chocolate

 

Total Calories: 1775

 

I didn't start tracking calories until AFTER I ate lunch or I would have had both lunch and pork rinds. So, I'm going to cycle the difference so I can count it as a weight loss day rather than a maintenance day. 

 

Oh, and I lifted weights.

 

 

 

 

[Jié Xī]

I realized something amazing today after eating the sandwich and potato salad (which I picked up last night since I knew today was an all-foods allowed day): I didn't even want it. I wasn't like, oh my gosh I looooooove this. It took me quite a while to figure out what I actually wanted to eat for lunch, but you know what it is?

 

Fruit.

 

Delicious, sweet fruit that I'm almost never allowed to eat because I'm always on a low-carb diet. Grapes and cheese. Or strawberries and maybe a sponge cake (60 cal) with whip cream or a drizzle of hot fudge (60). Or black berries and a scoop of sugar free cheesecake pudding.

Fruit is a treat you can eat when you are being "bad" and off your diet. It almost feels silly.  But this carbs are forbidden world is the world I've lived in for nearly a decade (because my first attempt at Keto in 2012 was the only time I actually ever made goal after 20+ years of dieting). It's almost as though finding Atkins and doing Keto and actually reaching goal in 2012 was bad for me, mentally.

Anyway . . . I've meal planned out the rest of my week. Minus my Chocolate (190 for 3 blocks) and Coffee (200), I can have a 350 cal lunch (if I even need all that for fruit) and a 600 cal supper, which amazingly includes some of my favorite "forbidden" foods:

Sweet Barbecue Sauce (forbidden) on chicken on a bun (forbidden).
Sloppy Joe on a bun.
Lightly Breaded Chicken (mostly forbidden) on a bun (forbidden) with air fried French fries (forbidden) and honey mustard (forbidden)
Cheese Burger with Bourbon glaze (forbidden) on a bun (forbidden) with sweet potato fries (forbidden).

You get the idea. Technically those last 2 are about 650-670, rather than 600, but I'll either cut my lunch back 50-70 calories those days, cycle them off, or just happily choose to eat 50-70 extra calories on occasion without (gasp!) feeling like food is an enemy.

Oh my gosh, I hope this diet works. Even typing all this, I'm thinking, there is no way I can eat all that and lose weight.

But if I can . . . I don't see why I would ever binge again. And maintaining a decent weight certainly seems VERY possible.

[Jié Xī]

Oh my gosh, brioche is delicious. It's tastes like a croissant just less flaky and much less calories. On holidays, I make sandwiches with croissants (such as everything on Thanksgiving dinner thrown onto a croissant). Not only is the brioche less calories, but it would be much easier to make a sandwich with.

 

I did not cycle off my calories. I ended going grocery shopping for 3 hours. (Does walking around Walmart for 3 hours burn 300 calories?) And my legs are so sore now (probably because today was lower body day). But I bought fruit -- grapes, and strawberries, and black berries! And Greek yogurt. Thin Crust pizza for Friday night. Carrots for homemade Sloppy Joe. 100 calorie packs of Oreos.  

 

I can't believe I can eat again tomorrow. I will eat less for sure (no pork rinds and dip or potato salad and sandwich or honey butter bread), so it will be a def weight loss day. The goal I think is sloppy joe on brioche for supper, fruit and Greek vanilla yogurt for lunch and maybe a few pecan crackers with pecan cream cheese, plus my two coffees and my blocks of 90% chocolate. That will be right around 1400 calories. I'm dumbfounded that I can eat so many "forbidden" foods and still be 500 calories under maintenance. I'm actually looking forward to Thursday (Fast Day) just because I'm a bit freaked out by all the carbs (I haven't even looked, though, in theory, I know it's below 150 grams so still considered healthy). But when you've lived at 20-50 grams for so long . . . Anyway, I am looking forward to Thursday simply so that I know I'm "making up for it."

 

I have no idea what my weight will be Friday morning. I suspect 168 tomorrow and the next day and then maybe 165 Friday morning (1 pound less than this morning). Obviously, I am hoping for 1 pound a week after that, but as I said in a different post, if I even make .5, it's the same as deprivation/binge so at least I know I'll get to the 150's and beyond eventually. 

[Harriet]

On 8/11/2021 at 1:32 AM, Magdalena Ravenclaw said:

Because the loss was sooooooo slow, and I'm tired of dieting/deprivation AND being fat (come on, at least if I'm deprived always dieting I should be thin), I tried Keto AND 16:8 in July. That's what ended up triggering the 8-day binge last week.

 

On 8/11/2021 at 1:32 AM, Magdalena Ravenclaw said:

But obviously, fasting 2x a day (4 times in a 14-day period) is NOT Alternate Day Fasting (7 fast days in a 14-day period). It's barely more than half. And even if I count both half-fast Fridays, that only 5x in a 14-day period. That can't possibly be enough to eat whatever I want every other day. So then I had to create calorie limits for the other days, which once again means it is not Alternate Day Fasting. 

 

That's when I realized that basically what I had created was the 5:2 plan. The one that inspired me to try IF in the first place. The one that I knew instinctively I could do for life to maintain. 

2 days @ 500 calories

5 days @ Maintenance Calories - 500 (for me, that's 1400) for weight loss or Maintenance Calories (1900).

 

Lots of people experience bingeing as a result of deprivation. There seems to be a pretty solid link. Which means a sustainable plan should not be high on deprivation, right? From everything you're saying, I don't see the sense of eating under maintenance on non fasting days. It may get you to lose weight faster but won't it eventually trigger binges?  I think you should stop focusing on how much weight you're losing as a short term metric, and start trying to find the most sustainable diet that doesn't trigger binges. Since you have been struggling with feelings of deprivation, I think it would make more sense to err on the side of eating more, and only reduce if you are binge free for, say, a month or two (anyone can do a very restrictive diet for a few weeks, so we need longer time periods to see if a style of eating is really sustainable).

Anyway, I wish you luck. Happy challenging!

[Jié Xī]

19 hours ago, Harriet said:

 

 

Lots of people experience bingeing as a result of deprivation. There seems to be a pretty solid link. Which means a sustainable plan should not be high on deprivation, right? From everything you're saying, I don't see the sense of eating under maintenance on non fasting days. It may get you to lose weight faster but won't it eventually trigger binges?  I think you should stop focusing on how much weight you're losing as a short term metric, and start trying to find the most sustainable diet that doesn't trigger binges. Since you have been struggling with feelings of deprivation, I think it would make more sense to err on the side of eating more, and only reduce if you are binge free for, say, a month or two (anyone can do a very restrictive diet for a few weeks, so we need longer time periods to see if a style of eating is really sustainable).

 

 

I would completely agree with you except that it's not been calorie restriction that has triggered my binges, it's been the nearly 10 years (since 2012) of restricting carbs to 20-50 grams a day depending on the diet at the time.  Granted, I restricted those as well, never going over 1200 on a "good day," and often trying to shoot for 800 to make up for my 2000+ calories Fridays-Sundays, but it is def the restricting breads that cause me to binge. Here is a great example of a recent success:  there are Oreos and Chips Ahoy in my house right now. I NEVER buy cookies for the kids because I will eat the entire package. I'll admit, there are 100 cal packs and not an open package, but I have never, ever, ever been able to do that in my life. I bought them Tuesday night, could eat them on Wednesday and didn't even bother to open them. Today (my second fast day), I can't afford to eat them, but opened a pack for the boys at both lunch and supper.  This is serious unheard of. 

 

Also, I am mostly tracking my calories to ensure I eat at least 1400 but not over 1900. I haven't eaten real food in so long, I don't know that I even know what a serving size is. (I've eaten proteins shakes and proteins bars for lunch and dinners for better part of 20 years unless I'm being "bad.") So I'm measuring and tracking everything, but mostly to see what portion sizes look like that fill/satisfy me.  While I am aiming for closer to 1400 than 1900,  I don't track any veggies, sometimes I count my 75 cal Omega 3's, but not always, and tomorrow, I'm going to start adding Collagen to my diet and don't really plan on counting that.  So in general, I'm eating 1400 + veggies + fruit + Omega's and plus collagen. If I hit a plateau or start crawling, I might starting including them in my 1400 goal, but for now, I'm just thrilled to be eating real food. 

[Jié Xī]

Fasting Day 2: 500 calories. 

 

It's 8:45 and only just now am I really starting to feel hungry. I cut one of my creamered coffee's in half as well as ate only half a block of 90% chocolate so that I could add a serving of beans to my soup. Not sure if that's what did it or not, but it did make my soup take much longer to eat. 

 

I did not do yoga, but that's mostly because 1) Husband called out of work and was home all day which through off trying to get into a new routine and 2) because he was home and couldn't run two errands for me on his way home from work, I ran them myself (which worked out well as it delayed my second cup of coffee lunch. 

 

But the best news of all was that this morning's weight was 165.0, which is what I was hoping to see tomorrow if I was really lucky and realistically was just hoping for 166.6, which is the low average I see most often when I've jumped on the scale for the past two years (my high average is 172). 

 

My weight the Friday before my 8-day binge was 163.6. I'm trying not to get my hopes up that I could actually see 163-something tomorrow, but it doesn't seem unrealistic after a day of fasting either. 

 

Anyway, just super excited that I'm learning not to be afraid of food. Super excited to eat bread again tomorrow. Super excited that I can eat bread tomorrow with no desire to binge on it since I can eat it again the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and only then skip a day, and then again the next day, and the next. Eat read food and lose weight??? Eat bread and lose weight??? This concept should not be so foreign to me. 

 

As soon as I can "prove" this diet works (by not only hitting 159 which I 've not seen since 5/2019 but also not binging) I'm going to tell my mom. She's struggled her whole life with weight and is a chronic yo-yo dieter herself. She binges even worse than me when she's "off" her diet. Anyway, I'll be thrilled if I've found something that can bring her peace around food as well!

[Jié Xī]

Oh my gosh, so I was on a weight loss forum I joined years and years ago and a really FAT picture of me under RANDOM MEDIA popped up from years ago from an account/log in I had forgotten all about. I mean, I knew I had an account before but couldn't remember it and so created a new one. (Am going to have to remember the log in and delete that album, lol). But anyway, I thought I would share. This was me from 2017 at my heaviest non-pregnant weight of 192 lbs. 

 

2016-2018 = 192 average weight

2019-2020 = 172-183  average weight

2021 = 166-170 average weight

 

Spoiler

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Harriet]

1 hour ago, Magdalena Ravenclaw said:

 I bought them Tuesday night, could eat them on Wednesday and didn't even bother to open them. Today (my second fast day), I can't afford to eat them, but opened a pack for the boys at both lunch and supper.  This is serious unheard of. 

 

This is fantastic!

 

1 hour ago, Magdalena Ravenclaw said:

Also, I am mostly tracking my calories to ensure I eat at least 1400 but not over 1900. I haven't eaten real food in so long, I don't know that I even know what a serving size is. (I've eaten proteins shakes and proteins bars for lunch and dinners for better part of 20 years unless I'm being "bad.") So I'm measuring and tracking everything, but mostly to see what portion sizes look like that fill/satisfy me.  While I am aiming for closer to 1400 than 1900,  I don't track any veggies, sometimes I count my 75 cal Omega 3's, but not always, and tomorrow, I'm going to start adding Collagen to my diet and don't really plan on counting that.  So in general, I'm eating 1400 + veggies + fruit + Omega's and plus collagen. If I hit a plateau or start crawling, I might starting including them in my 1400 goal, but for now, I'm just thrilled to be eating real food. 

 

I'm thrilled you're eating real food, too! I think living off shakes and bars would make any deprived, in the long run. Well, I hope it goes smashingly!

[Elastigirl]

What a great picture to remind you of all your progress. I think maintaining a weight loss is just as much(if not more) work than losing it, so big congrats!

[Jié Xī]

23 minutes ago, Harriet said:

 

This is fantastic!

 

 

I'm thrilled you're eating real food, too! I think living off shakes and bars would make any deprived, in the long run. Well, I hope it goes smashingly!

 

Thank you! I'm feeling pretty positive thus far.

[Jié Xī]

22 minutes ago, Elastigirl said:

What a great picture to remind you of all your progress. I think maintaining a weight loss is just as much(if not more) work than losing it, so big congrats!

 

Hmm, I wasn't really looking at it as a success that at least I wasn't still there, but you are right. Thanks for that perspective!

[Jié Xī]

So it's only been a week and half on 5:2 and tonight's supper was my first meal without bread. In fact, I ate 2 rolls for breakfast and 2 more lunch. At one point, I was afraid that all 1400 of todays calories would be consumed by my bread addiction. But then, after saying no to free ice cream (but both boys enjoyed some), I came home and ate chicken, fruit and veggies for supper (along with some chips). In addition, I bought tons of Asian stir fry veggies because I bought some teriyaki chicken, orange chicken, and General Tso's chicken -- all things that would only have been for "off diet" days and would have been take away size portions. I'm hoping this 1) means less money spent on take away, 2) healthier portion sizes, 3) lots of veggies as the main dish with chicken as the side. 

 

My weight Friday morning was 164.2. Not bad, considering how much I hate eaten over the 10-day period. This was going to be the week that would determine if the diet worked for me to lose weight but now TOM so that might skew the results. *sigh* I am not a patient person, lol.

[Harriet]

7 hours ago, Magdalena Ravenclaw said:

So it's only been a week and half on 5:2 and tonight's supper was my first meal without bread. In fact, I ate 2 rolls for breakfast and 2 more lunch. At one point, I was afraid that all 1400 of todays calories would be consumed by my bread addiction. But then, after saying no to free ice cream (but both boys enjoyed some), I came home and ate chicken, fruit and veggies for supper (along with some chips). In addition, I bought tons of Asian stir fry veggies because I bought some teriyaki chicken, orange chicken, and General Tso's chicken -- all things that would only have been for "off diet" days and would have been take away size portions. I'm hoping this 1) means less money spent on take away, 2) healthier portion sizes, 3) lots of veggies as the main dish with chicken as the side. 

 

My weight Friday morning was 164.2. Not bad, considering how much I hate eaten over the 10-day period. This was going to be the week that would determine if the diet worked for me to lose weight but now TOM so that might skew the results. *sigh* I am not a patient person, lol.

 

I guess every new intervention should be given a month to see if it works but darnit, I just want to try everything at once!

[Jié Xī]

Only .4 this week, but considering I ate at maintenance calories levels (1900) and I didn't work out, I can't really complain, lol. Going to stick to 1400 this week and have already meal planned for the week including for a church cookout Sunday. Am hoping to see at least 1 if not 2 pound loss next week. If I do, then this diet works better than even Keto for me. Which would be absolutely amazing, because I can eat real food and all food groups. What a concept,

[Elastigirl]

Very cool that you are finding a diet that you can sustain.

[Jié Xī]

On 8/20/2021 at 11:04 AM, Elastigirl said:

Very cool that you are finding a diet that you can sustain.

 

So far so good. It's def nice to not have off limit foods. I'm still holding my breath that it actually works. I feel I won't actually know until I get out of the 160's, since I've been stuck here for 2.5 years. If I in month on this diet, I'm in the 150's, yea, I will sing the praises of this diet for life, lol.

[Jié Xī]

So, I just checked a 2020 challenge to see what I weighed for vacation last year this time and I had made it out of the 160's. I got to 157, went on vacation, came back in the 160's and I don't think I've seen it since that point. 

 

This is so utterly frustrating. It makes me feel as though I am wasting my life and not enjoying food for nothing since I'm stuck in the 160's anyway. I'm glad I found the 5:2 diet, but I am not convinced that I will stick to it for life to maintain. I gained last week fasting 2x and eating maintenance 5x -- that doesn't really bode well. I've upped my fasting days and am losing better . . . I should be in the 150's just in time to go on vacation. I will meal plan but not going to fast. Ugh.

 

Here is my weight from 2015 right before 2 back to back pregnancies through now. The red circle is when I joined NFR. 

 

 

 

 

[Harriet]

21 hours ago, Magdalena Ravenclaw said:

So, I just checked a 2020 challenge to see what I weighed for vacation last year this time and I had made it out of the 160's. I got to 157, went on vacation, came back in the 160's and I don't think I've seen it since that point. 

 

This is so utterly frustrating. It makes me feel as though I am wasting my life and not enjoying food for nothing since I'm stuck in the 160's anyway. I'm glad I found the 5:2 diet, but I am not convinced that I will stick to it for life to maintain. I gained last week fasting 2x and eating maintenance 5x -- that doesn't really bode well. I've upped my fasting days and am losing better . . . I should be in the 150's just in time to go on vacation. I will meal plan but not going to fast. Ugh.

 

Here is my weight from 2015 right before 2 back to back pregnancies through now. The red circle is when I joined NFR. 

 

 

That's frustrating, for sure. I thought you were feeling as though this current diet could be sustainable long term... Has it turned out to be too difficult? I admit I haven't fasted for several days... don't always feel like it. It can be quite hard if you're not in the mood.

[Jié Xī]

On 9/3/2021 at 11:33 AM, Harriet said:

 

That's frustrating, for sure. I thought you were feeling as though this current diet could be sustainable long term... Has it turned out to be too difficult? I admit I haven't fasted for several days... don't always feel like it. It can be quite hard if you're not in the mood.

 

I'm not sure why I gained that week, but I am losing 1-2 pounds now that I am doing 3:4, so that's much more motivating to stick to it. I was 159.8 this past Friday and tomorrow we leave for vacation, so I am sure there will be a bit of a gain. But I do think that I will be able to maintain on 5:2 but I much prefer 800 calories on fast day rather than 500. So yes, I think I can maintain my weight loss o 5:2 since I am losing so well on 3:4. I'm pretty happy overall as I think I will reach goal by Christmas.

 

[Harriet]

3 hours ago, Magdalena Ravenclaw said:

 

I'm not sure why I gained that week, but I am losing 1-2 pounds now that I am doing 3:4, so that's much more motivating to stick to it. I was 159.8 this past Friday and tomorrow we leave for vacation, so I am sure there will be a bit of a gain. But I do think that I will be able to maintain on 5:2 but I much prefer 800 calories on fast day rather than 500. So yes, I think I can maintain my weight loss o 5:2 since I am losing so well on 3:4. I'm pretty happy overall as I think I will reach goal by Christmas.

 

Nice! And enjoy your trip!