Bulking h3r0

[h3r0]

Let the bulking begin!

 

 

So I'm back on my bull$&#*

 

I've tried numerous times to add a significant amount of muscle to my frame and I have never been able to. Don't get me wrong, I am much more muscular than I was 2-3 years ago when I first started working out but if someone saw me on the street they would think: trim, takes care of himself, possibly athletic, but muscular is not one of the ways that I would be described. Going to give it another shot.

 

I found a 12 week muscle building kettlebell workout program online that seems like something that I would enjoy. The only thing I don't like is that it's just three days a week. I like working out more frequently but perhaps that is part of my problem. As someone having a ectomoroh frame I probably should be doing less rather than more so I will follow the program as written.

 

Eat like you mean it!

 

 

Other than too much work and too little recovery I know that I usually fail in the kitchen. I see the bulking / muscle diets and I really just don't know how anyone can eat that much food but I'm going to try. 

 

Calories = 15 X bodyweight 

30/40/30 macro split

 

Looks like I am going to be eating a lot of chicken and multiple small meals a day. I will decide on a tracker later. 

 

 

My anxiety has been high lately. I go through cycles where it is low level and other times when honestly it feels out of control. Regardless of what phase it is currently in I know that it will eventually swing to the other side. Right now I am in a high phase where I feel anxious for no discernable reason whatsoever and I usually throw in some completely irrational fears and worries that I consciously know are not real but that my anxiety still loves to dwell on. 

 

I need some tools and strategies to help me when I am in these phases instead of silently suffering through them, pretending it's not happening, and waiting for the phase to pass as I usually do. 

 

Anxiety triggers for me are doom scrolling news and political sites. Lack of sleep which is a bad one since it makes me more prone to anxiety and then the anxiety causes insomnia which is a feedback loop. And too much isolation inside. 

 

Anxiety busters for me is consistent sleep, deeply feeling music, reading, certain kinds of video games surprisingly, and nature time / walks outside. 

 

So action plan is a news and Twitter fast. None during this challenge and see the difference. Daily outside time or music. Instead of doom scrolling spend that time catching up my book backlog. I have 3-4 downloaded I have been meaning to get to. 

 

[Harriet]

Sorry about the anxiety. But news fasting sounds like a great move. Good luck with your bulking!

[h3r0]

 

Training 

 

90/90 

Halos 

 

4 Rounds of 1/2 Ladders 

Double KB Press 16kg

Double KB Front Squat 16kg

 

Sphinx Pose 

Child pose 

Pigeon pose 

 

Good workout, been awhile since I have done squats. I downloaded a food tracker and about to cook some eggs and wash it down with a chicken leg I grilled last night. 

 

I have removed Twitter from my phone and as is my habit when I woke up I found it missing and remembered that I am news fasting. I typically scroll through 3-4 sites first thing in the morning. Suddenly going to have a lot of free time. 

 

[Big_Show]

Happy bulking!

 

I've found a similar approach helped my mood - I deleted Twitter so I wouldn't be told what to be outraged about, and now I've started limiting my FB use as well.  Definitely helps remove the doom-scrolling.

[h3r0]

 

Training 

 

8x4 KB Swings 24 kg 

Sphinx Pose 

Child pose 

 

Groggy and out of it this morning. Back is a little stiff. 

 

Calories 

 

I ate like crazy Monday but I only hit around 2,000 kcal well short of my goal and yesterday was a off and weird day and I only got 1,600 kcal. Need to step that up. The good thing is that I was way over 100g of protein both days. 

 

Sleep 

 

Ugh, so bad insomnia hit me Monday night. It wasn't anxiety, it was that weird thing that sometimes happens to me where I am tired and fall asleep for 20m and then wake up and can't go back to sleep. Ended up only getting 3 hours and I was a complete zombie all day and it was a really busy day at work which was fun. Last night I popped a melatonin and passed out. I really could have slept longer this morning and now I am all groggy and hung over feeling. 

 

Reading around online a couple of articles suggested keeping a sleep journal to look for patterns. I've never thought about it but I am going to give it a try. Throw in a workout log with it. 

 

Anxiety 

 

Hasn't been a problem the last two days. Stress was high yesterday but I was so exhausted that I didn't feel it. I have kept my news fast so far and it is weird. It has freed up a lot of time. I knew that I did it a lot but I honestly didn't realize how much I was doom scrolling multiple sites multiple times a day over and over. Not sure what to do with myself now. Apparently that was what I was doing whenever I had 5-10 minutes free. 

 

 

 

[h3r0]

 

Training 

 

Halos 

90/90

 

8 Rounds:

2 x Double KB Press 16 kg

2 x Double KB Squat 16 kg

 

Decent workout. My form started to break down on cleaning the bells up towards the end. 

 

Work

 

Work is sending me out of state next week. I don't know if the hotel gym will be open or not. Last time they said a week and it turned into a month. We'll see. Going to mess up the program progression. Ugh 

 

[Harriet]

17 hours ago, h3r0 said:

Work is sending me out of state next week. I don't know if the hotel gym will be open or not. Last time they said a week and it turned into a month. We'll see. Going to mess up the program progression. Ugh

 

Hmmm I hate it when travel interferes with lifting. And it's quite rude that they sent you away for a month!

[h3r0]

 

Training 

 

Halos 

Shin Box with hip extensions 

 

10x5 KB Swings 24 kg 

 

Sphinx Pose 

Child pose 

Pigeon pose 

 

Good workout. I used chalk for the first time and wow does that make a difference. I can't believe I haven't tried it sooner. Better and more secure grip all around, easier to focus on what you are doing. 

 

Heading to the airport in a few hours. 

 

[KB Girl]

Chalk is the best! Hope you’ll have access to a gym at your hotel. Safe flight!

[Scaly Freak]

On 9/8/2021 at 5:42 AM, h3r0 said:

I have kept my news fast so far and it is weird. It has freed up a lot of time. I knew that I did it a lot but I honestly didn't realize how much I was doom scrolling multiple sites multiple times a day over and over. Not sure what to do with myself now. 

 

Didn't you say you had a back log of books to work on...?

[h3r0]

On 9/12/2021 at 11:19 AM, KB Girl said:

Chalk is the best! Hope you’ll have access to a gym at your hotel. Safe flight!

 

Thanks! The hotel did have a gym that was open with a nice selection of dumbbells but unfortunately I couldn't find the time to actually use it. A lot of really early mornings and late nights. It's alright though, I probably didn't need the extra load on the body with everything else going on. 

 

On 9/12/2021 at 10:12 PM, Scaly Freak said:

 

Didn't you say you had a back log of books to work on...?

 

Yes. First up I am trying to finish Harrow the Ninth. I read half of it and never finished it, now I am starting over. About a quarter of the way through and have about three books lined up after it. 

 

I'm back home now! I don't have to go back next week but I will be heading back out at some point soon I'm sure. 

 

[h3r0]

 

Training 

 

Shin Box with hip extensions 

 

3 rounds of 1,2,3 Ladders 

Double KB Press 16 kg

Double KB Squat 16 kg

 

Sphinx Pose 

Child pose 

Pigeon pose 

 

Felt good to workout again. Stress the body in the way I want to instead of crammed into a airplane seat. Post cool down stretch felt stiff. I wasn't able to go as deep as I normally would. 

 

The black coating is coming off my cap kettlebell. Grrrrrrrr

 

[h3r0]

 

Training 

 

Shin Box with hip extensions 

9x6 KB Swings 24 kg 

Sphinx Pose 

Child pose 

Pigeon pose 

 

Decent workout considering that I was a little lite on sleep last night. 

 

I weighed myself yesterday and I have gained 3 pounds so the eating is working so far. Obviously not all muscle but hoping some of it is. Staying on course. 

 

[h3r0]

 

Training 

 

Halos 

2 x Getups 16 kg 

6x3 Double KB Press 16 kg

6x3 Double KB Front Squat 16 kg

Sphinx Pose 

Child pose 

Pigeon pose 

 

Decent workout 

 

I'm late to the party with home fermentation but trying out making some beet Kvass. I made up a batch last night and now it is sitting and hopefully it will ferment correctly and I will not give myself food poisoning. 

 

[h3r0]

 

Training 

 

Halos 

Shin Box with hip extensions 

 

5x5 Bench Press 115# 

12x4 KB Swings 24 kg 

 

Sphinx Pose 

Child pose 

Pigeon pose 

 

Good workout. Felt strong. The 24 kg is starting to feel light. Bench Press is not in the program I am following but just wanted to do them. I am so glad I found the Sphinx Pose. I think it is the only thing keeping my low back in the game. I can just feel it unclinch and decompress after a workout. 

 

I don't know if I am bulking or not. I have gained a few pounds but don't look any bigger. I have about another two weeks of the first phase and two more phases after this so we will see. I am enjoying the workouts and I am getting stronger so you can't ask for much more than that. 

 

Anxiety is doing better. No major flare ups but still have the low level background hum of it like it is waiting. Other than the fast I haven't spent much time working on this goal. I will give it some thought. 

 

Kvass Update:

 

I let it ferment for 3 days. It is beyond dark red, a lot of CO2 generated, smells like beets, and no signs of mold. A little bit of yeast on top but supposed to be normal and scooped it off. Taste test and I added too much salt. Cut it with water and it is fine. I expected it to taste like beets and I guess it does a little bit. Definitely earthy. I guess I will find out if I just gave myself food poisoning later today but I don't think so. Poured it into a bottle for storage and set up a new batch using the same beets. Only one tablespoon of salt this time. If I get no stomach irritation today then I will take a morning shot of it every day. 

 

 

 

 

[Scaly Freak]

3 hours ago, h3r0 said:

Anxiety is doing better. No major flare ups but still have the low level background hum of it like it is waiting. Other than the fast I haven't spent much time working on this goal. I will give it some thought. 

 

Physical activity, like regular lifting, is very effective for managing anxiety. My first therapist, who diagnosed me and helped me understand my anxiety better, was very clear that she thinks of it as a treatment to prescribe, because of what a big difference it makes. Our mind really are connected to our bodies and impacted by how our bodies are doing. so with that in mind, it's not surprising that your anxiety is doing better as your training progresses. 

 

Happy for you.  

[h3r0]

1 hour ago, Scaly Freak said:

 

Physical activity, like regular lifting, is very effective for managing anxiety. My first therapist, who diagnosed me and helped me understand my anxiety better, was very clear that she thinks of it as a treatment to prescribe, because of what a big difference it makes. Our mind really are connected to our bodies and impacted by how our bodies are doing. so with that in mind, it's not surprising that your anxiety is doing better as your training progresses. 

 

Happy for you.  

 

Physical activity definitely helps. Tends to dampen the highs down. I have been active for a while now and I'd hate to see what it would be like without it.

 

The news fast has starved my anxiety of anything to fixate on and spiral out but I know that it is not a long term solution.

 

Life happens and eventually something will happen at work or a awkward social situation or something will come up and I will be triggered. I'll fixate, make it something that it's not, and lay in bed thinking about it and taking it to the most extreme worst case scenario of a situation that doesn't even exist. Knowing the entire time that none of it is real but feeling nothing but panic about it anyways and can't stop thinking about it no matter how much I try to or distract myself. 

 

I have found that ashwagandha helps. Things will happen and I tense up knowing that I am about to be triggered and I feel it almost wind up but then just not. Like a mild pharmaceutical which I probably should be on. I am against doing so, not for any philosophical reason, I am just stubborn and don't want to admit that I probably need to. Ironically the thought of calling a doctor, making a appointment, and talking about my anxiety is in itself anxiety producing. 

 

The honest truth is that other than this forum I have never told anyone about my anxiety or discussed it. Only once with one close work friend and only because they saw me completely freaking out about a problem at work that I instantly believed myself fired and a much bigger issue than of course it really was.

 

Most people just assume that I am cold and distant because I don't say much while the real reason is because I am scared of saying the wrong thing and will spend the next month obsessing about it. And I am praised and promoted at work because mistakes don't happen under me and I always achieve the objectives because they assume that I am a perfectionist but the real reason is because I have taken steps to insure none of my crazy never going to happen scenarios do not occur and of course cover the real ones as well and my anxiety is never going to let me fail or not complete a project because I would spiral out. 

 

Don't get me wrong, I don't actually spiral out all the time and when I do it has degrees of how bad and how long it lasts but I am starting to realize that I spend a lot of my time and energy on avoiding the spiral outs and it is exhausting. 

 

[Scaly Freak]

Yes, all of this is familiar... especially the part where thinking of doing something about the anxiety triggers the anxiety.

 

For me, any hints of being out of control, or of a change I can't predict 100%, tends to be what sets off the really bad anxiety episodes. I procrastinated and post-poned seeing a new therapist for a couple of months, despite knowing that I badly needed the help, for just those reasons.

 

13 minutes ago, h3r0 said:

Most people just assume that I am cold and distant because I don't say much while the real reason is because I am scared of saying the wrong thing and will spend the next month obsessing about it. And I am praised and promoted at work because mistakes don't happen under me and I always achieve the objectives because they assume that I am a perfectionist but the real reason is because I have taken steps to insure none of my crazy never going to happen scenarios do not occur and of course cover the real ones as well and my anxiety is never going to let me fail or not complete a project because I would spiral out. 

 

 

A friend of mine found this a couple of weeks ago. It's is an excellent anxiety translator.

 

[h3r0]

39 minutes ago, Scaly Freak said:

Yes, all of this is familiar... especially the part where thinking of doing something about the anxiety triggers the anxiety.

 

For me, any hints of being out of control, or of a change I can't predict 100%, tends to be what sets off the really bad anxiety episodes. I procrastinated and post-poned seeing a new therapist for a couple of months, despite knowing that I badly needed the help, for just those reasons.

 

 

A friend of mine found this a couple of weeks ago. It's is an excellent anxiety translator.

 

 

100%. I am always on time, have a strong work ethic, good at planning, and super helpful. 😛

 

[Harriet]

23 hours ago, h3r0 said:

 

Physical activity definitely helps. Tends to dampen the highs down. I have been active for a while now and I'd hate to see what it would be like without it.

 

The news fast has starved my anxiety of anything to fixate on and spiral out but I know that it is not a long term solution.

 

Life happens and eventually something will happen at work or a awkward social situation or something will come up and I will be triggered. I'll fixate, make it something that it's not, and lay in bed thinking about it and taking it to the most extreme worst case scenario of a situation that doesn't even exist. Knowing the entire time that none of it is real but feeling nothing but panic about it anyways and can't stop thinking about it no matter how much I try to or distract myself. 

 

That sounds very familiar to me, too. I got a little relief from some specific recurring worries by talking them through with a therapist and doing some things like CBT and EMRD with her. Practice has made my social anxiety slightly more manageable (not less painful, I am just better at coping with the pain,  I think?). But the generalised anxiety has not been helped by therapy at all. Nor by the various drugs they gave me. I think my current diet and meditation are helping. Unguided meditation didn't help much (I would get distracted), but the longer guided one seems to be working better. And an allergy medicine--pseudoepinephrine--made the anxiety extremely bad until I stopped it. So I think there's some underlying physiological aspect to it.

 

23 hours ago, h3r0 said:

I have found that ashwagandha helps. Things will happen and I tense up knowing that I am about to be triggered and I feel it almost wind up but then just not. Like a mild pharmaceutical which I probably should be on. I am against doing so, not for any philosophical reason, I am just stubborn and don't want to admit that I probably need to. Ironically the thought of calling a doctor, making a appointment, and talking about my anxiety is in itself anxiety producing. 

 

Talking to doctors sucks, and talking to therapists is definitely not fun. It might be worthwhile, though. They can at least tell you about treatment options and you can try them. You wouldn't want to miss out on a cure or a dramatic improvement just because you felt resistance to trying different things, right?

 

23 hours ago, h3r0 said:

Don't get me wrong, I don't actually spiral out all the time and when I do it has degrees of how bad and how long it lasts but I am starting to realize that I spend a lot of my time and energy on avoiding the spiral outs and it is exhausting.

It is hugely exhausting, and very painful to be in that anxious state all the time. You deserve to start feeling better. The only question is what path to take in your treatment.

[h3r0]

 

Training 

 

2 rounds of 1,2,3,4 Ladders 

Double KB Press 16 kg

Double KB Squat 16 kg

 

Sphinx Pose 

Child pose 

Pigeon pose 

 

Good workout. I was feeling tired and sore but got into it by the middle of the workout. 

[h3r0]

So kvass is a very powerful probiotic. If you make some go easy on it...

[h3r0]

 

Training 

 

Halos 

Shin Box 

 

5x5 Bench Press 115# 

10x5 KB Swings 24 kg 

 

Sphinx Pose 

Child pose 

Pigeon pose 

Figure 4 with rotation 

 

Good workout. I missed two this week due to various reasons so shifted schedule up a day this week. Last week of phase 1! Phase 2 ups the volume so should be fun. 

 

Weight is still holding at 194 lbs but I have definitely gained some mass on my shoulders and back. Nothing crazy but I can tell. Looking soft but haven't gotten fat. Is it finally working because I have scaled my workouts back to 3 days a week instead of my usual 4-5? Or is it because I am eating everything in sight? Bit of both most likely, keep going. 

 

My system has finally gotten used to the kvass. It was a rough transition for a few days but good now. It also helps to drink it with food. 

 

[h3r0]

 

Training 

 

Shin Box with hip extensions 

Halos 

 

6 rounds of 3/4

Double KB Press 16 kg 

Double KB Front Squat 16 kg

 

Sphinx Pose 

Child pose 

Pigeon pose 

Figure 4 with rotation 

 

Good workout. Missed my planned workout earlier this week. I had some sleep issues and a alarm not set. 

 

Bulk Updates

 

Put on some shorts that I haven't worn in a while earlier this week and they were super tight. Not in the waist but in the butt. So that was exciting. I guess from the Swings with the heavier bell? My weight is still holding steady at 194 lbs. Need to bump the protein up a bit. 

[h3r0]

 

Training 

 

Halos 

Testing Double KB Press 16 kg - 10 reps

4x6 Bench Press 115# 

8x6 KB Swings 24 kg 

 

Sphinx Pose 4 minutes 

Child pose 

Pigeon pose 

Figure 4 with rotation 

 

Nice workout. I was out of town for the weekend so wasn't able to hit my usual time. This was the last workout of phase one. I actually finished a workout phase as planned. Did some quick max testing on the press and I have almost doubled my reps, last time I tried I lost form around 6 reps. I will start phase 2 on Wednesday which bumps up the rep ranges on the workouts.