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Rhovaniel looks Inwards, to change Outwards


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Hello there, adventurer! If you’ve come here, it’s likely you remember me in the Before Days, when I was a regular here. Lurking in one of the famously many mysterious rangery corners of the Guildhall.  Alas, how times did change. And somehow, I struggled to return. I think because so much changed. Here, yes. But also in me.

 

In part, this is why my challenge is so focused on inwards. Because change is once again afoot in my life. As a wise Elf once said, ‘I feel it in the Water. I feel it in the Earth. I smell it in the Air.’ Change has this strange habit of making you forget the person you were, the thought patterns that dominated your life, the life goals you held to with such force that now – now you know were not meant to be. I hardly remember me from five, six years ago. The road was hard and painful in places. The mistakes were many. And even though I despaired of it at the time, slowly I grew. I changed. I got stronger. I got healthier. Physically, not so much. But mentally? It’s a whole different landscape up there. Not that I’m done, of course. I am still healing from the trauma that seems to rear up every time I think I finally quelled the demons. I am still hurting in places. But I am stronger.

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A word of warning. Things may get rambly in here, or I may go a little radio silent. My default position when things are bad is to stop talking. Here, in person, to the people around me. It is not good. It’s quite a dangerous coping mechanism, all told. But it happens and sometimes I can’t stop myself doing that.

 

Anyway, inward focused challenge. Is Rhovaniel putting aside the fitness goals?? Nope. In fact, one of the inward looking parts to this is to work out what my new fitness goals will be. Fitness used to be a means to an end. Obstacle Course Races. Running. Getting a certain skill, like push-ups. Because not having them made me feel inadequate. Because I hated how weak and unfit I felt not being able to complete obstacles. I wanted to be better, faster, stronger because those things would make me feel worthy. When I joined CrossFit, I landed a whole heap of other inadequacies on top. Double Unders. Pull ups. Snatches. Burpees where you don’t want to throw up or die after the first 10. Not using the smallest weights in the whole class. Even though progress is what’s important, even though plenty of people told me those things didn’t matter, they did to me. They still do. I have some push-ups, I feel inadequate that I don't have more. I PB a lift, I feel down that my numbers are still low, feel like I should be better. It doesn't end those feelings of inadequacy. It just changes the goalposts.  But we’re working on that. Me and Brain. Body gets a say, too. Body gets injured a lot. Brain gets angry that Body gets injured. Fitness takes a hit. Cycle repeats.

Frustrated GIFs | Tenor

 

Goal 1: BREAK THE CYCLE.  

I am so sick of being injured. Of hating/dreading running because it invariably hurts. Of getting back to where I was only to get myself another issue, another niggle. It’s time to look at what I want, why I want it, and what needs to change.

Is this a SMART goal?  I mean, I think it’s wise. But we’ll leave the acronym out of it this challenge. My goal is simply to work out what I want out of fitness, and take actions to get on that path. So, how will I measure this? No idea. But it’s out in the world now, so there’s accountability now and I’ll aim for a weekly check in at the very least.

 

 

Goal 2: WHERE ARE YOU GOING, RHO?

This one is more career focused. Right now, I’m looking at getting the heck out of low-level healthcare and into something more – me. I miss using my brain. I miss history, I miss actually focusing on work that mattered to me. I’m working on a few things for this. Education is the main one. Getting back into the thing I love, because no one knows how many turns of the sun we get and I’m through thinking in terms of practical, sensible options. I’m following my heart damnit. The other one is to find a job that gels more with what I want and who I want to be. Do I know what that job is right now? No. Well, I got the long term ideas for that, but ya know. Education. I mean something for the interim years.

The goal here – continue the Plans for Education and begin the search for new job. This one is actually quantifiable. At least 1 job applied to each week, but the catch is, it has to be a job I am genuinely interested in and that will work with the plans for furthering study.

http://25.media.tumblr.com/78859c399fabd59425ff094d90bfc40f/tumblr_mf1bqqF60D1rm7v00o1_500.gif

 

 

 

And that’s me. Keeping it simple, and hoping to stick around.

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"What does your heart tell you?" - Aragorn

 

Epic Quest: In the Footsteps of the Dúnedain: Aragorn's Journey

Current Challenge: The Chronicles of Rhovaniel, Volume I: Courage

Previous Challenges: 1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9|10|11|12|13 1415|16|17|18|19|20|21|22|23|24|25|26|27

 

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1 hour ago, Rhovaniel said:

Alas, how times did change. And somehow, I struggled to return. I think because so much changed. Here, yes. But also in me.

 

Remember what didn't change. All of us that are still here. We, who do remember you, and new that will accept you unconditionally. That, then, now and in the future we will have your back. The Ranger Corps as well as the rest of the Rebellion. We will always be waiting to aid both new as returning rebels.

 

But most of all, I'm glad you are back friend!!!

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... a little odd in the head ...

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Welcome back. It's really good to see you here.

 

On 10/19/2021 at 9:28 PM, Rhovaniel said:

My goal is simply to work out what I want out of fitness, and take actions to get on that path.

 

I can't really offer any advice, but I can talk about how I feel and that will either be informative or it won't!

 

I've never really got to the 'big why' thing. Not with fitness, not with my career, and I don't have an idea of where I want to be in 5/10/20 years. For me, fitness is about picking a fun goal, and working towards it for a while, until it stops being fun. Mostly I'll have goals for the year, say to compete in x event or lift x amount. And quite often I'll come up short on those goals, and that's ok because the goals were never really the point of the exercise. The goals are always more of a direction than a destination, they tell me where to aim for, not when to stop.

 

ETA: I guess if I had to sum up my approach, it would be: 'do cool shit, look good doing it'.

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To echo what Willes said, you have a lot of people here who are happy to see you return and ready to cheer you on. To speak for myself, I am not sure I ever even post in your challenges, but I read a lot of them. I remember you, and I'm happy you're back and finding your way again. Stick around; we like you. ;)

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On 10/19/2021 at 10:46 PM, Mr_Willes said:

 

Remember what didn't change. All of us that are still here. We, who do remember you, and new that will accept you unconditionally. That, then, now and in the future we will have your back. The Ranger Corps as well as the rest of the Rebellion. We will always be waiting to aid both new as returning rebels.

 

But most of all, I'm glad you are back friend!!!

This is very true. Thank you so much. It is good to be back. 

 

 

On 10/19/2021 at 10:54 PM, Mr_Willes said:

I just wanted to get that out of the way. Now that i have read the rest of your challenge...

 

Come Here I Love You GIF

 

I also gained some wisdom I want to share with you. But i want to do a proper reply for that. So that will have to wait till tomorrow, sleepy time now.

 

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On 10/20/2021 at 12:43 AM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Welcome Friend. I'm glad you're here.

Tank! I'm so glad to be here, and glad to see you!

 

On 10/20/2021 at 9:46 AM, Salinger said:

RHO :D so so so good to see you here. So proud of you always, so in awe and inspired by you. 

 

Wonderful, kind, lovely Rho ❤️ 

 

So good to see you back here, Ranger xx

Hey Sal!! Thank you, it's wonderful to see you too!

 

19 hours ago, Jarric said:

Welcome back. It's really good to see you here.

 

 

I can't really offer any advice, but I can talk about how I feel and that will either be informative or it won't!

 

I've never really got to the 'big why' thing. Not with fitness, not with my career, and I don't have an idea of where I want to be in 5/10/20 years. For me, fitness is about picking a fun goal, and working towards it for a while, until it stops being fun. Mostly I'll have goals for the year, say to compete in x event or lift x amount. And quite often I'll come up short on those goals, and that's ok because the goals were never really the point of the exercise. The goals are always more of a direction than a destination, they tell me where to aim for, not when to stop.

 

ETA: I guess if I had to sum up my approach, it would be: 'do cool shit, look good doing it'.

Jarric!! Hey! 

 

Actually, that does sort of help. I feel like my 'Big Why' was wrong, and that's where I start to falter.  Doing cool shit sounds like a far more fun approach!

 

4 hours ago, juliebarkley said:

To echo what Willes said, you have a lot of people here who are happy to see you return and ready to cheer you on. To speak for myself, I am not sure I ever even post in your challenges, but I read a lot of them. I remember you, and I'm happy you're back and finding your way again. Stick around; we like you. ;)

Thank you! I like you all very much too!

 

 

You guys are all super awesome, you did know that right? It's amazing to hop back on and immediately be surrounded in a Collective Internet Hug! 

Group Hug! — The Daily Otter 

 

 

Goals will need a slight edit. I wasn't going to add a nutrition one at all, but I had a bit of a health issue the past two days and I am eager to not see the inside of a hospital again (apart from the one I work in). I have to temporarily cut out coffee, coke, chocolate and spicy foods. Caffeine is on the fence, but so far I've tolerated one cup of tea, drunk slowly,  a day and that seems to be okay. I gotta talk to my GP before I work out anything further though. 

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"What does your heart tell you?" - Aragorn

 

Epic Quest: In the Footsteps of the Dúnedain: Aragorn's Journey

Current Challenge: The Chronicles of Rhovaniel, Volume I: Courage

Previous Challenges: 1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9|10|11|12|13 1415|16|17|18|19|20|21|22|23|24|25|26|27

 

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1 hour ago, Salinger said:

Hope everything is ok Rho ❤️ xx

 

I'm okay. Got hospitalised for a couple days till I finally had enough and self-discharged (around 29 hours in but whose counting... me. I was counting) with stomach issues. I'm much better now. Not 100%, but I was going spare in the hospital, and getting no where. Decided it was better for my mental state to get the heck out and rest and recuperate at home. Gotta speak to the GP today though. 

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"What does your heart tell you?" - Aragorn

 

Epic Quest: In the Footsteps of the Dúnedain: Aragorn's Journey

Current Challenge: The Chronicles of Rhovaniel, Volume I: Courage

Previous Challenges: 1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9|10|11|12|13 1415|16|17|18|19|20|21|22|23|24|25|26|27

 

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On 10/19/2021 at 4:28 PM, Rhovaniel said:

Hello there, adventurer! If you’ve come here, it’s likely you remember me in the Before Days, when I was a regular here. Lurking in one of the famously many mysterious rangery corners of the Guildhall.  Alas, how times did change. And somehow, I struggled to return. I think because so much changed. Here, yes. But also in me.

 

Welcome back! I was just nostalgically reading a bunch of old NF posts and kept seeing your name pop up on my threads. I love having old friends back - it makes me feel like no matter how much I change or struggle, NerdFitness is like my hometown. Sometimes we want to avoid it because it reminds us of who we were, but if we're very very lucky it's also our support bubble that we can fall back on when we want to be the best versions of ourselves.

 

On 10/19/2021 at 4:28 PM, Rhovaniel said:

At least 1 job applied to each week, but the catch is, it has to be a job I am genuinely interested in and that will work with the plans for furthering study.

 

SO important! Love your challenge goals. I wish you all the best on finding out the best career and fit for yourself and getting into a job that you want  to show up for everyday.

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On 10/20/2021 at 4:28 AM, Rhovaniel said:

it’s likely you remember me in the Before Days

NGL, even now whenever I hear the word "courage" the image that first pops into my mind is the one of you on that rope.

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On 10/21/2021 at 9:31 AM, Jarric said:

I've never really got to the 'big why' thing. Not with fitness, not with my career, and I don't have an idea of where I want to be in 5/10/20 years. For me, fitness is about picking a fun goal, and working towards it for a while, until it stops being fun.

You said the thing in my head!

 

 

 

On 10/19/2021 at 4:28 PM, Rhovaniel said:

Alas, how times did change. And somehow, I struggled to return. I think because so much changed.

Ugh.  yes.  All the things.  

Following.

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On 10/22/2021 at 4:18 PM, athousandwords said:

 

Welcome back! I was just nostalgically reading a bunch of old NF posts and kept seeing your name pop up on my threads. I love having old friends back - it makes me feel like no matter how much I change or struggle, NerdFitness is like my hometown. Sometimes we want to avoid it because it reminds us of who we were, but if we're very very lucky it's also our support bubble that we can fall back on when we want to be the best versions of ourselves.

 

 

SO important! Love your challenge goals. I wish you all the best on finding out the best career and fit for yourself and getting into a job that you want  to show up for everyday.

Same - no matter how long I'm away, the Rebellion is for life. I always feel like I'm coming home. 

 

And thank you! 

 

13 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

NGL, even now whenever I hear the word "courage" the image that first pops into my mind is the one of you on that rope.

That may be one of the highest compliments anyone has ever payed me. *blushes* 

 

4 hours ago, Chesire said:

You said the thing in my head!

 

 

 

Ugh.  yes.  All the things.  

Following.

So glad to have you!

 

 

 

So, the challenge starts Monday (because that's how I roll and no one can stop me). I had hoped to have my nutrition goal sorted, but at the moment it seems to come down to: Build back up to eating proper food. So, for now, that'll be the goal until my digestive tract sorts its shit out. 

 

Eating is problematic for me right now. It's - it's got me a little down, I'll admit. Tuesday, I was ecstatic that I managed to get multiple rope climbs at CrossFit, happy that I finally made progress. Wednesday I was in the hospital, and here I am four days later, still in no condition to return to the gym, hoping my stomach settles soon and I don't lose too much strength. Nutrition would be key but it hurts to eat. So far, I'm managing to get liquid calories in without too much issue, but premix protein shakes, water and cup a soups do not constitute proper nutrition. The closest I've come to proper food is plain rice with steamed veggies and that - yeah. Ouch. Might have to try rice on its own first. 

 

 

On the bright side, it DOES force me to re-evaluate my diet. Things did need a heck of a shake up, and whilst I don't appreciate my body's way of telling me, it is a chance to wipe the slate clean, and build up to a healthier 'normal'.

 

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"What does your heart tell you?" - Aragorn

 

Epic Quest: In the Footsteps of the Dúnedain: Aragorn's Journey

Current Challenge: The Chronicles of Rhovaniel, Volume I: Courage

Previous Challenges: 1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9|10|11|12|13 1415|16|17|18|19|20|21|22|23|24|25|26|27

 

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Sorry to hear that you're struggling so much with this; I hope it clears up soon. In the meantime it's a good time to rest as you say - it's good to hear you having a positive outlook on it.

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Don't say "I don't have enough time", say instead "that's not a priority right now" and see how that makes you feel.

Current Challenge: Muscle Wizard: Origins

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4 hours ago, Jarric said:

Sorry to hear that you're struggling so much with this; I hope it clears up soon. In the meantime it's a good time to rest as you say - it's good to hear you having a positive outlook on it.

It's getting there for sure. Managed to eat some meat and veggies today (in-laws birthday) and whilst it wasn't comfortable, it didn't hurt! Small portions are definitely key here. 

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"What does your heart tell you?" - Aragorn

 

Epic Quest: In the Footsteps of the Dúnedain: Aragorn's Journey

Current Challenge: The Chronicles of Rhovaniel, Volume I: Courage

Previous Challenges: 1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9|10|11|12|13 1415|16|17|18|19|20|21|22|23|24|25|26|27

 

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Oh wow, that sounds awful! I hope you're able to build up to proper food soon. 

 

Also congrats on the rope swings at CrossFit - that sounds strong AF. Sorry that your stomach made that victory less satisfying. :( 

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10 hours ago, athousandwords said:

Oh wow, that sounds awful! I hope you're able to build up to proper food soon. 

 

Also congrats on the rope swings at CrossFit - that sounds strong AF. Sorry that your stomach made that victory less satisfying. :( 

Thank you! Yeah, I'm most worried about loss of fitness than anything at this point. Well, that the ongoing pain issue, but seriously - I worked hard for those gains!

 

 

So, First Day of the Challenge and I am lying on my sofa because that's where I'm most comfortable. Still in pain, in fact it got bad enough last night that I hauled myself back to the doctors and since I am still resistant to the idea of going back to A&E (ER for US folks), they signed me off work for a week with more tests and the instructions that should I get even slightly worse, there is no other option but to go back to the hospital. I am like a bear with a sore head. I don't know what to do with myself. I want to be at the gym, I want to be doing my usual walk, I want to be making progress and instead I'm on here moaning about my issues. I'm really hoping that the medication kicks in soon and I start feeling like myself again. 

 

Nutrition wise, I've bought a stock more protein shakes I know I can tolerate. I'm hoping if I can keep my protein intake as high as I can manage, I stand a good chance of maintaining muscle and recovering quicker. Toying with the idea of getting some probiotics for after I've finished taking the course of meds I'm on, but idk. Kinda pricey if they don't work. 

 

Goal 2 may also be on hold. Job searching is literally the last thing on my mind right now. 

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"What does your heart tell you?" - Aragorn

 

Epic Quest: In the Footsteps of the Dúnedain: Aragorn's Journey

Current Challenge: The Chronicles of Rhovaniel, Volume I: Courage

Previous Challenges: 1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9|10|11|12|13 1415|16|17|18|19|20|21|22|23|24|25|26|27

 

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On 10/25/2021 at 12:43 PM, Mr_Willes said:

I can tell you even if you lose some gains, getting back gains is much easier than initially getting them. I have found this is true for both running and powerlifting. Hopefully that will cheer you up  a bit. IMHO it's not worth fussing about! Getting status quo with your body is much more importanter!

I really hope you're right about those gains. But I agree, getting my body back on track is the important thing here.

 

 

So, I woke up pretty damn happy. I had no pain. None. Got out of bed, all good. Still no appetite, but hey - no pain in almost a week! Goal! 

 

Until I tried to get some food in me, and got hit with a wave of nausea so bad I didn't even attempt it in the end. Just had a cup of tea and nibbled a much dunked ginger biscuit. This seems to be the extent of my tolerance for solid food, because at lunch, I felt I really should try something now I had no real pain, and cooked some broccoli and green beans till very soft, and some boiled potato, likewise. Added a slice of pre-cooked chicken. I managed half the slice, a few florets, one bite of potato that did not sit right and some beans before...

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Meal attempt abandoned. Pain was so bad, it was almost like it was at the start, when I ended up getting hospitalised. Took some painkillers and curled up with a blanket. It passed, but my abdomen is still very unsettled and not particularly comfortable. Resorted to the protein shake a few hours ago, and that will have to be that for now. 

 

On the bright side though, the doorbell rang just as my stomach was throwing it's hissy fit and it turned out to be a flower delivery. My work colleagues had got together to send me a bunch of lovely flowers. It even contains my favourite flower, roses, by chance or if they knew, I don't know. But it brought a smile and raised my spirits no end. They're very lovely!

 

Goal: I'm calling the nutrition thing a win for today. I mean, I tried proper food. Not my fault by stomach is being a little drama queen b**ch about it. I ordered some more shakes, but I do know I have to try again tomorrow. I stepped on the scale this morning and I'm down two kilos. Sure, most of that is water probably (though I'm drinking water fine) but it's a little alarming. Before this, I would have said I'd like to lose 5 - 10kg. But properly. Not like this. This is the equivalent of a crash diet I can't help and I'm hoping I even out soon. 

 

Oh, I also managed to catch up on the Season 3 opener of Critical Role today. As someone who abandoned the many, many unwatched hours of Season 1 after around 50 episodes and didn't watch Season 2... holy crap. So damn good. Dropped a major spoiler of Season 1 in there, but hey. I already knew that, so no biggie. 

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"What does your heart tell you?" - Aragorn

 

Epic Quest: In the Footsteps of the Dúnedain: Aragorn's Journey

Current Challenge: The Chronicles of Rhovaniel, Volume I: Courage

Previous Challenges: 1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9|10|11|12|13 1415|16|17|18|19|20|21|22|23|24|25|26|27

 

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2 hours ago, Rhovaniel said:

On the bright side though, the doorbell rang just as my stomach was throwing it's hissy fit and it turned out to be a flower delivery. My work colleagues had got together to send me a bunch of lovely flowers. It even contains my favourite flower, roses, by chance or if they knew, I don't know. But it brought a smile and raised my spirits no end. They're very lovely!

 

This is so sweet! ❤️ 

 

Your stomach pain sounds so awful - I cringed just watching that gif and imagining it! So sorry you're on this crash diet from hell. Hope you have more pain free days (and that they last past mealtimes!)

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I hope your stomach gets feeling better soon.  Not being able to eat is rough.

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Other Challenges: 12345, 6, 7, 89, 10, 11, 1213, 14, 15 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 3132, 33Humbug[Current]

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11 hours ago, athousandwords said:

 

This is so sweet! ❤️ 

 

Your stomach pain sounds so awful - I cringed just watching that gif and imagining it! So sorry you're on this crash diet from hell. Hope you have more pain free days (and that they last past mealtimes!)

I know, it got me in the feels because it was so unexpected!

 

Thank you - me too! It's so weird not having an appetite.

5 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

I hope your stomach gets feeling better soon.  Not being able to eat is rough.

Thanks Ghost :) 

 

5 hours ago, Salinger said:

oh no Rho, this isnt good :(

 

Do they have ANY idea what this could be? (sorry if i missed this info) 

 

Sending lots of love xx

They're floating a few idea out there, but I have to wait for the test results to come back before (hopefully) getting definitive answers. I think they're of the belief its a stomach ulcer or similar, but at this point, I don't know for sure. 

 

Thank you!

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"What does your heart tell you?" - Aragorn

 

Epic Quest: In the Footsteps of the Dúnedain: Aragorn's Journey

Current Challenge: The Chronicles of Rhovaniel, Volume I: Courage

Previous Challenges: 1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9|10|11|12|13 1415|16|17|18|19|20|21|22|23|24|25|26|27

 

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