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obax

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Keep on keepin' on.

 

Goal 1 ~ Movement

 

Going to continue with my move 5x/week goal. This can include walking, running, mobility/physio, swords, playing with my barbell. Most likely to be walking, swords, and mobility/physio, I haven't had the mental bandwidth for the other stuff, but I suppose you never know.

 

Goal 2 ~ OMG Go to BED!

 

I've been less bad lately, but this can always use work. In bed by 10:30 on work nights, 11 on non-work nights.

 

Goal 3 ~ Manage the Macros

 

This has been going really well and I want to keep it up. I'm actually starting to see just the barest hint of a difference on the scale too, and the last couple of days I noticed my body armour fit a little looser, so yay!

 

Goal 4 ~ Balance the Wants and Shoulds

 

A bit nebulous, but I struggle with not having infinite time and also having RangerBrain. I have books to read and stories to write and a Mandalorian helmet to (try to) build. I also have work and adulting and no bones days, and finding a balance between it all can be hard. I'm a very all-or-nothing kind of person, so balance does not come naturally, but I'm working on being satisfied with what I can do, even if what I can do isn't as much as I want to do.

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49 minutes ago, obax said:

Movement

Here to feel inspired on this... 

49 minutes ago, obax said:

OMG Go to BED!

I just feel you on this... 

 

49 minutes ago, obax said:

difference on the scale too, and the last couple of days I noticed my body armour fit a little looser, so yay!

whoot whoot!

 

49 minutes ago, obax said:

Balance the Fun Stuff

Being mindful on time to do what you love and what you need to do is the toughest, may you find peace in it!

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Fresh Druid Graduate Lvl 0

"It’s not what we say is a priority, but what we actually DO that’s a priority.”

(Quote from J.D Roth/ @Steve's Article https://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/priorities/)

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Zero Week ~ Thursday

 

Went on a walk after work. It was fine, and I did not get rained on.

 

I was only 10 minutes late for my bedtime last night. Guys, that's so close! But then I lay there not sleeping for a while, so I'm not sure it translated into more sleep. I had a bit more energy through the day than usual, but I'm absolutely beat tonight.

 

Macros managed, mostly. Overdid it a little on fat, I may have made a poor decision about my takeout, or rather, about eating all of my takeout, hopefully it doesn't undo too much of my meagre progress. I was just so hungry...

 

Not feeling very balanced on the fun stuff. I should go cook the chicken that's thawing in my fridge for dinners for the next few nights (adulting), but I want to write (fun). And I'd even be ok pushing off the chicken cooking, that's what I planned when I got home from work, to do my should (walk) and then my want (write), except my brain doesn't want to indulge me in creativity right now... So I guess I'll go do more shoulds and make disappointed faces instead...

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3 hours ago, obax said:

Goal 2 ~ OMG Go to BED!

 

I've been less bad lately, but this can always use work. In bed by 10:30 on work nights, 11 on non-work nights.

 

 

2 hours ago, Fairly_Bouncer said:

I just feel you on this... 

 

I'm joining this club, too.   My body does not want to go to sleep at 10:30, and it really, really, really doesn't want to wake up at 6:30, but I don't have a choice in the matter.  Ugh. 

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Level 30? who the hell knows anymore? Direwolf Assassin/Ranger - current challenge

 ACL rehab thread      2016 parkour

My tutorials:

handbalancing: crow, flying crow, side crow, crow->headstand->crow  Bo staff: strikes 1 2 3, spins 1 2

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8 minutes ago, Nymeria said:

 

 

I'm joining this club, too.   My body does not want to go to sleep at 10:30, and it really, really, really doesn't want to wake up at 6:30, but I don't have a choice in the matter.  Ugh. 

 

Same. Ugh indeed... I've been hitting the snooze a lot lately too, which might be something I need to work on in future challenges.....

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1 hour ago, Nymeria said:

 

I'm joining this club, too.   My body does not want to go to sleep at 10:30, and it really, really, really doesn't want to wake up at 6:30, but I don't have a choice in the matter.  Ugh.

 

52 minutes ago, obax said:

Same. Ugh indeed... I've been hitting the snooze a lot lately too, which might be something I need to work on in future challenges.....

 

Honestly I started a new job and ended up requesting to work 2nd shift (for at least awhile) to give myself a break at bedtimes. 

Downside if I want a life  (or pre-working appointments) during the day I do have to go to bed right away when I get home. 

Finally seeing the results recently of using meditation and music where it helps quiet down my brain so i can get some rest. 

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Fresh Druid Graduate Lvl 0

"It’s not what we say is a priority, but what we actually DO that’s a priority.”

(Quote from J.D Roth/ @Steve's Article https://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/priorities/)

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16 hours ago, obax said:

a Mandalorian helmet to (try to) build.

I am really intrigued and excited about this.  I hope we can get pics as the process comes along!

 

I too suffer the brain wanting several things at once and then failing on this or that once I have time for it.    It goes back to my thing always wishing Shadow Clone Jutsu was real.  Then I could do it all at once, and each clone WOULD share the experience and knowledge with the main entity!

 

But, following as always my friend!

 

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Level 75.5 ~*~ Ranger

Deviant Art Gallery   ||  YouTube Channel

Current Challenge

"It is difficult.  All things worth keeping are."  Thane Krios - Mass Effect 2

"Maybe it's not as simple as you imagined, Seeker."  Varric Tethras Dragon Age 2

"Staying within your limits is no fun, Ryder."  Vetra Nyx - ME: Andromeda

Spoiler

 

::PAST CHALLENGES::

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 20 | 21 | 22

23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | 38 | 39 | 40 | 41 | 42

43 | 44 | NEIN | 45 | 46 | 47 | 48| 49 | 50 | 51 | 52 | 53 | 54 | 55 | 56 | 57 | 58 | 59 | 60 | 61

62 | 63 | 64 | 65 | 66 | 67 | 68 | 69 | 70 | 71 | 72 | 73 | 74 | 75 | 76 | 77 | 78 | 79 | 80 | 81

 

 

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8 hours ago, Starpuck said:

 It goes back to my thing always wishing Shadow Clone Jutsu was real.  Then I could do it all at once, and each clone WOULD share the experience and knowledge with the main entity!

 

 

I do not understand this reference (beyond your explanation) but I'm 100% here for it. What scientists do we need to contact to make it happen?

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Zero Week ~ Friday

 

Guys, I'm so tired... It's the end of my 7-day stretch, and I've never been so happy to see a Friday.... To bed on time last night, though I did dick around on my phone a while, I was texting with a friend I hadn't heard from in a while. And then I had ALL the insomnia and terrible sleep and WTF dreams. My brain is a real dick sometimes...

 

Probably not going to walk today, which is fine. I was looking at my habit app thingy that I track my movement on (among other things) and realized that I have technically moved every day this week, according to my definition, so an off day is fine. It feels a bit like slacking, but I'm purposefully making that goal a bit easier to hit because I feel like I need momentum more right now than I need intensity, or whatever. Swords tomorrow anyway, and that's always exhausting.

 

No idea on the macros right now, I haven't logged dinner yet, but it wasn't a tonne of food so I'm sure it's fine. Might be a bit short on protein but I'm not overly worried about that particular macro, I get a decent amount generally. Been tracking long enough that I have a general idea of where I'm at even without MFP and just use MFP to fine tune my days.

 

Gonna try for some writing tonight but I dunno if my tired brain will co-operate. In the past I've always gotten bogged down in editing and revising as I go, and I'm really trying to just get the damn thing written from start to finish right now and worry about making it good later, but my brain revolts at that and I'm constantly thinking about what I've already written and reading it over and such. Sometimes that's fine, it'll get the juices flowing a bit, but sometimes I get stuck on a problem that falls very firmly in the category of 'later's problem', and I know it, and I fixate on it anyway. Often this has to do with my world-building process being a bit seat of my pants, in as much as I create as I go. I do need to sit down and rethink my pantheon and work on the mythology, but that's, like, so much work.... I like my characters so much I just want to write their stories, but their stories need a background sometimes and I haven't created the background yet... Jeeze, it's almost like writing a book is hard, who knew?

 

I also keep thinking about if I'll be able to print out the design for my Madalorian helmet on the cardstock I bought 'cuz I don't know if my printer will take it, so I think if writing ends up being a bust I might see about that. I'm notorious for starting and then never finishing projects, but at least cardstock will stack nicely in a corner and not fly around like paper does when I turn on my fan...

 

And I started a book last night that's really good, so I might do some reading too/instead. I don't really know if 'do ALL the things' counts as balance, but here we are...

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31 minutes ago, obax said:

I don't really know if 'do ALL the things' counts as balance, but here we are...

Whatever you do choose, I hope you enjoy it or at least find the joy. 

Fresh Druid Graduate Lvl 0

"It’s not what we say is a priority, but what we actually DO that’s a priority.”

(Quote from J.D Roth/ @Steve's Article https://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/priorities/)

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Zero Week ~ Saturday

 

100% a no bones day for me today, but I had some extra caffeine and got to it anyway.

 

Swords today, it was pretty good. Did my first bit of semi-actual sparring. It was a game called 'cudgels', except we did it with sabres instead of cudgels. The rules were overhand strikes only, head hits only, first one to get bopped is out and you pass the sword onto the next. I did not score any bops, but only got bopped once, and tapped out a couple times because my arm was tired (I probably would have been bopped more than once if I didn't tap out, but I was going long enough that I didn't get bopped right away, so yay?) Anyway, it was fun and I wish I had a friend to do it with regularly, but sadly I do not. That said, I could smack a pell in much the same way as a form of endurance training, so now I'm feeling a bit more motivated to try to build one. Sadly, this was the last class 'til January, most likely, the group can't get indoor space until then. There will be some sparring events which I might try to go to, since I can borrow all the gear I need. The first is in Barrie which isn't too far so I'll maybe try that and see how it goes.

 

Not even close on bedtime last night. I was watching TikTok videos and lost track of time, and though I was tired I wasn't even a little sleepy. Also slept terribly, lots of weird dreams, and then woke up early and couldn't get back to sleep, though I did beditate for a good long time (one of my favourite things).

 

Macros managed, more or less. I'm short on protein, but don't have enough carbs left to mix a protein shake (the disadvantage of using hot chocolate mix to flavour my protein). Might see if I can use less hot chocolate and make it work, but I ate dinner later than usual and I'm not overly interested in stuffing myself just to meet my macros.

 

I did end up getting a little writing done last night but it was like pulling teeth. Gonna try some more tonight, though I'm tired again today, so we'll see. Maybe I'll embrace the no bones-ness and just watch more Criminal Minds.

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1 hour ago, obax said:

I did not score any bops, but only got bopped once, and tapped out a couple times because my arm was tired (I probably would have been bopped more than once if I didn't tap out, but I was going long enough that I didn't get bopped right away, so yay?)

 

That's really good though! You're new at it!

 

1 hour ago, obax said:

I could smack a pell in much the same way as a form of endurance training, so now I'm feeling a bit more motivated to try to build one.

 

That would be so B.A. to have, do it

 

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I must control my THOUGHTS...
THOUGHTS become WORDS
WORDS become ACTIONS
ACTIONS define your CHARACTER
CHARACTER determines your DESTINY
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Week 1 ~ Sunday

 

OMG I hate skunks so much. I don't even know what happened, my mom let the dog out to pee at like midnight, and he came back in not smelling of skunk but somehow brought with him the entirety of the skunk spray that did occur and now the dog smells fine but the house just reeks. Skunk smell legit makes me cranky and I hate everything right now.

 

Which is to say, I may or may not get some movement. I could do some physio stuff or go for a walk, and I might, but hoo boy am I in a bad mood, so I might not.

 

Macros not managed. Bad mood, so hungry, the kitchen is in the part of the house that stinks (ie. the whole main floor, I think my combo of Febreeze plug-in, an open window, and a closed door has made my room more or less a smell-free oasis, except when the furnace comes on and circulates the air), and I ordered takeout which is decidedly not healthy.

 

Bedtime was a joke last night, first I bathed my dog at midnight, then I was wide awake, probably a combo of skunk-induced anger and the extra caffeine and it was after 3am when I finally tried and failed to get to sleep. No idea when I drifted off eventually but I didn't get up 'til 11.

 

Not sure about fun stuff. Thinking about going to a movie to get away from the stink, except I'm afraid I stink also, despite copious amounts of laundry and showering, might just stay holed up in my room with Netflix and/or try to write a bit.

 

Ugh. What a Day 1...

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A bit late to this! (sorry) 

 

I just found the no bones pug on TikTok the other day. Sooo cute and relatable. 

 

You have reinforced my wanting to learn how to sword fight. Barrie is close to meeeeee ... I mean kind of lol..... its within 2hrs and I drive past it a few times a year. But I know nothing about sparring or sword fighting and I have no time T_T 

 

RUH OH....... skunkssss nooo....... I once had to drive through skunk spray (car infront of me almost hit a skunk T_T).... my car smelt turrible for awhile. 

 

I hope your bad mood gets better~ Though I want to also say that your bad mood was completely justified. 

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6 hours ago, Rookie said:

You have reinforced my wanting to learn how to sword fight.

 

The club I train with is in the Burlington/Hamilton area (their indoor space is in Grimsby), if that's any closer for you than Barrie. And their whole purpose is to teach people to fight with swords and spar, beyond swinging a stick around as a kid pretending to be a knight, I knew nothing either. There is also a branch of HEMA involving fighting with swords on horseback (my club doesn't teach that, but it's definitely a thing). Just, y'know, fyi :)

 

The bad mood got a bit better after we boiled some vinegar, which the internet said would help neutralize the skunk smell (it did). I was so tired I continued to mope, but I was at least less irritated about it all.

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Week 1 ~ Monday

 

No movement yet. It's raining and cold today so I didn't get out for a walk. Feeling kinda tight, so physio/mobility sounds like the right choice.

 

Macros not managed yet. I had kind of a stupid day and didn't eat through most of it, so I'm way under. I may or may not have a snack before bed, I doubt it'll be perfect but it'll be fine.

 

No bedtime last night, I got caught up in the combo of bad mood and Criminal Minds.

 

The Shoulds from today were groceries and cooking, the Wants so far are a bit of map-drawing. Might do a bit of writing after doing some physio/mobility.

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4 hours ago, obax said:

 

The club I train with is in the Burlington/Hamilton area (their indoor space is in Grimsby), if that's any closer for you than Barrie. And their whole purpose is to teach people to fight with swords and spar, beyond swinging a stick around as a kid pretending to be a knight, I knew nothing either. There is also a branch of HEMA involving fighting with swords on horseback (my club doesn't teach that, but it's definitely a thing). Just, y'know, fyi :)

Much much closer 😂 I may private message you for more details. Ohhh horseback you say???? 

 

4 hours ago, obax said:

The bad mood got a bit better after we boiled some vinegar, which the internet said would help neutralize the skunk smell (it did). I was so tired I continued to mope, but I was at least less irritated about it all.

Geez vinegar is amazing. I’m glad it got a bit better for you. Sounds exhausting either way. And this rain is just yuck. The horses field was waterlogged and I stepped in a puddle that went over my boots 😂

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Ugh, what an awful stink!  Literally.   That's bad enough to ruin even a perfect day's mood, so don't feel too bad about it derailing some things.     Stink happens.

 

Nice job on the bop-avoidance!   And just hearing you talk about your writing has me excited to hear more about!  And ya know, eventually read something maybe someday!

 

Level 75.5 ~*~ Ranger

Deviant Art Gallery   ||  YouTube Channel

Current Challenge

"It is difficult.  All things worth keeping are."  Thane Krios - Mass Effect 2

"Maybe it's not as simple as you imagined, Seeker."  Varric Tethras Dragon Age 2

"Staying within your limits is no fun, Ryder."  Vetra Nyx - ME: Andromeda

Spoiler

 

::PAST CHALLENGES::

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 20 | 21 | 22

23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | 38 | 39 | 40 | 41 | 42

43 | 44 | NEIN | 45 | 46 | 47 | 48| 49 | 50 | 51 | 52 | 53 | 54 | 55 | 56 | 57 | 58 | 59 | 60 | 61

62 | 63 | 64 | 65 | 66 | 67 | 68 | 69 | 70 | 71 | 72 | 73 | 74 | 75 | 76 | 77 | 78 | 79 | 80 | 81

 

 

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On 10/22/2021 at 3:59 PM, obax said:

And then I had ALL the insomnia and terrible sleep and WTF dreams. My brain is a real dick sometimes...

 

Ugh.  That is the worst.   Or those times when falling asleep is no problem, but then the 2AM insomnia hits.   

 

On 10/23/2021 at 5:02 PM, obax said:

Swords today, it was pretty good. Did my first bit of semi-actual sparring. It was a game called 'cudgels', except we did it with sabres instead of cudgels. The rules were overhand strikes only, head hits only, first one to get bopped is out and you pass the sword onto the next. I did not score any bops, but only got bopped once, and tapped out a couple times because my arm was tired (I probably would have been bopped more than once if I didn't tap out, but I was going long enough that I didn't get bopped right away, so yay?) Anyway, it was fun and I wish I had a friend to do it with regularly, but sadly I do not. That said, I could smack a pell in much the same way as a form of endurance training, so now I'm feeling a bit more motivated to try to build one.

 

That sounds like so much fun!  Either a pell would be great, or getting a weighted practice sword.  Both will help you whip up your strength and endurance.

Level 30? who the hell knows anymore? Direwolf Assassin/Ranger - current challenge

 ACL rehab thread      2016 parkour

My tutorials:

handbalancing: crow, flying crow, side crow, crow->headstand->crow  Bo staff: strikes 1 2 3, spins 1 2

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15 minutes ago, Nymeria said:

 

That sounds like so much fun!  Either a pell would be great, or getting a weighted practice sword.  Both will help you whip up your strength and endurance.

 

The sword is heavy enough as it is, I think the sabers are around 650g or so, which doesn't sound like much 'til you hold it over your head and swing it around vigorously. And actually, just swinging it around a bit isn't too tiring, it's the hitting other solid things that seemed to make the real difference. I admittedly don't have a saber analog, my hockey stick longsword is light enough to swing one handed but too long to control properly. I'm this close to pulling the trigger to buy my own saber, but they're not cheap, so I'm hesitating. I have disposable cash now that I have a Real Adult Job, but I've been living paycheque to paycheque for so long, my mind hasn't adjusted to the idea that I can afford the occasional want as well as all my needs now...

1 hour ago, Starpuck said:

 

Nice job on the bop-avoidance!   And just hearing you talk about your writing has me excited to hear more about!  And ya know, eventually read something maybe someday!

 

 

My current Chapter 1 under the spoiler for you. I say current because I've already come to the conclusion that this isn't quite the right place to start, but I'm focusing on getting it written first, and redoing the opening falls into revising, so I'm just making a note for myself and trying not to think about it yet. Except that I spend a fair amount of time thinking about it whether I want to or not...

 

 

Spoiler

 

Wren was in a fowl mood, and the empty snare lines slung over her shoulder weren't helping. Though really, they were well stocked for now and not in any immediate need of meat, and anyway, she had just needed to get away, so perhaps the snares, empty or not, should not have been as infuriating as they were. She frowned up at the gathering clouds as she emerged from the woods. Weighed down by exhaustion and still a few miles from home, she grimaced at the ache in her ribs, which also wasn't helping. She sighed and started across the high mountain meadow, and then stopped dead, her mind catching up to the idle thoughts stumbling about in her head.

 

When had she started thinking of this place as home? Did she even know what home was? There was nothing to compare it to, really, other than a filthy courtyard with a scraggly thorn bush and oilcloth lean-tos, so far away in both distance and time. This was better than that, certainly, but that courtyard had led to nothing good, in the end. What, then, would this lead to? She frowned again and snatched at a piece of grass, waving in the wind. The grass gave way part way up its stalk and she wove the spindly strand between her fingers as she resumed her march towards... towards home. The idea made her distinctly uncomfortable and only deepened her frown. This was not at all how she had expected this year to go.

 

A motion above and she glanced up to see a vulture soaring in the distance. It dipped one wing and angled away towards the woods. So something was dead in there somewhere, it seemed. Just not dead in her thrice-damned snares. She scowled at the retreating vulture, then immediately sent up a prayer of apology in its direction. Yrin might have abandoned her people all those centuries past but she wasn't about to risk angering their messenger regardless. She snapped the grass stalk in two and jammed one half between her teeth, the seed head bobbing, unfocused, in the periphery of her vision. That would stop her from chewing at her nails, at least. Amari didn't need to know how bad things were today.

 

The wind continued to pick up as she walked, and the clouds to gather and darken until afternoon took on shades of night. In the distance thunder began to rumble, warning of a wicked storm to come, though her aching ribs had given ample notice already. She crested a hill and looked down into the valley, split by the winding seam of the River Ceren, dark now like its namesake, reflecting the turmoil brewing overhead. And there, on the lee side of one of the endless mountain foothills, no more than a dark smudge against the golden meadow grasses: her destination. She was not ready to use that other word again, not yet. Not ever, perhaps. She contemplated the smudge a moment longer, the grass going bitter and gritty in her mouth, then started down towards the river. The old cow would have returned to the barn for milking by now, Amari squatted down beside her, bucket in hand, probably surrounded by the few sheep she had left, in search of grain or a few wrinkled apples. Wren frowned a third time and spat out the grass. It was the place she had to go to, and now was not the time for any further contemplation on that topic.

 

The first timid raindrops began to fall as Wren entered the yard. A string of curses exited the barn, followed closely by a puffy sheep, bleating indignantly. Despite herself, Wren felt a smile tug at her lips and found her feet angling her away from the house. She leaned against the door frame, the musty, musky smell of animals filling her nostrils. It was as she had pictured: Amari squatted down on a rickety wooden stool, dented bucket between her knees, circled by curious sheep. “No luck today.”

 

Amari jumped and cursed again. “By the Three, Wren, don't sneak up on me like that!”

 

One of the sheep bleated in Wren's direction, hopeful for pockets full of apples, and she spread her empty hands. “All apologies borne on the shifting winds,” she said to both, giving voice to the same prayer she had sent after the soaring vulture, though now it was tinged with amusement and considerably less solemn. Amari glanced back over her shoulder, eyes sparkling even in the dim light, then turned back to her work. Wren pushed off the door frame and hefted the snares. “Smoked fish tonight?” she asked, and took Amari's silence for approval.

 

As she emerged from the root cellar, Wren could hear the rain had begun in earnest. She assembled a simple meal of smoked river trout, hard cheese, a generous chunk of Amari's wonderfully dark rye bread spread with some of the summer berry preserves, and a bowl of the broth that had been simmering since morning. Amari would burst in shortly, cursing again at the rain, warm milk sloshing about in the bucket, enough to boil and drink after the meal but not much more. Wren sat heavily and let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding, and stared at the steaming bowl. Perhaps she was exhausted enough for sleep tonight, though not likely a dreamless sleep. Would that be better than none? The room around her was warm and she felt a bead of sweat trickle down her temple. She wiped it away, then drove the heels of her hands into her eyes, and saw only flames. She sat back and let her hands drop to her lap. No, she thought. It would not be better than none.

 

“Wren?” Amari stood dripping in the doorway, bucket forgotten at her feet. “Are you all right?”

 

Wren stared at her for a moment, then reflexively grabbed the bread and took a bite. Amari pulled a chair around and sat close beside her. “Wren, talk to me. You've looked so tired, but I thought -” She sat back and Wren glanced at her quickly before taking another bite of bread. She knew. Maybe not all, but she knew. She always did.

 

“Are you having dreams again?”

 

Wren closed her eyes and set down the bread. “It's been so long, I thought maybe -” She didn't dare finish the thought, for fear it might never come true.

 

Amari scraped her chair closer. “When? How long since you've slept?”

 

“The night before you got back from the merchant stop.” Three days. Their weight bore down, oppressive. “I slept a little in the woods, I think, but it was cold and mostly I just listened to the wind.” She felt Amari's cool hand atop her own and flinched back, eyes snapping open. Immediately she regretted it, but could not have stopped it, could not take it back. She met Amari's gaze, saw the hurt there, the worry, the doubt, the love.

 

Amari reached out and took Wren's hand, held it tightly. “Tell me.” Wren shook her head. “Tell me,” in that voice that broached no argument.

 

And she almost did. She wanted to, it had helped a little when she described some of the others, but this... It was too much, too new, too raw. Just thinking of it made her skin prickle as if it burned, as it had that night, and every night since, when all she had was the memory of this terrifying, agonizing dream, and the fear, and the darkness. Wren pulled her hand away, forcefully. “You don't want to know.”

 

They sat like that, Amari leaning close, imploring, Wren staring steadfastly at her dinner, silent, until the coals in the hearth popped, making them both jump. Wren suppressed a scowl, disgusted by her own weakness. Amari sighed and dragged her chair back to the other side of the table and began to eat. Wren followed suit. Her appetite was all but gone, but she didn't need Amari nagging her about something else.

 

“I'll make you a tea,” said Amari as she finished the last of her bread. “You need to sleep.”

 

“No.”

 

“Wren, don't -”

 

“I said no!” Wren closed her eyes again, reined in her anger. In truth, the idea of sleep caused her stomach to clench in fear, and the deep restful sleep brought on by Amari's herbal concoction even more so. What if the dream came again and she couldn't wake up? What would happen if she burned to death in her dream, every inch of her aflame? Instead, in an attempt to placate, she softened her tone and said, “Tomorrow. If I don't sleep tonight.” She opened her eyes, looked Amari straight in the eye. “I promise.”

 

Amari compressed her lips, then began to clear the remains of dinner. “All right.” Her tone was unconvinced, but at least she wasn't arguing.

 

Wren rose from the table. “I'm going to throw down some extra straw, in case the rain gets in,” she said, and, not waiting for a reply, went out into the storm. Lightening streaked across the sky, followed closely by a crack of thunder so loud she flinched. The icy rain was a welcome respite from the warmth of the house. She should have stayed out in the woods another night. She might have slept then, and might have dreamed, but at least her screams would have only woken the birds roosting nearby. As it was, she had no intention of sleeping tonight, though the exhaustion tugging at her mind and body both implied there would be no avoiding it.

 

The barn was dry but she did as she said anyway, it was a legitimate concern when it rained this hard, and Amari would notice if she didn't. She sat on the milking stool, head leaned back against the wall, and closed her eyes, listing to the gentle rustle of restless sheep, the rhythmic breathing of the sleeping cow, the clatter of rain on the roof. She would just wait until Amari went to bed, then sit in front of the hearth with the latest book from Lorn the copper merchant, who gleefully indulged her in the trading of stories and histories. Amari was usually early to bed, it wouldn't be long.

 

In her dream, there were, for once, no flames. Around her she saw the spindly remains of burned trees, scattered piles of broken branches, an endless blanket of dull grey ash. She looked down at her hands, saw they were black with soot but intact. A breeze blew through, raising puffs of ash and bringing with it an unnatural warmth that nonetheless made her shiver. The trilling of birdsong from behind, and she spun, suddenly afraid despite the cheery melody. A tiny bird fluttered to perch on a crooked, blackened nail. Not trees, then. Houses. A village. And not branches but bones, grey and brittle. The bird watched her with frantic curiosity, head twitching this way at that, upright tail flicking in time to keep its balance. A wren, her namesake, streaked in shades of brown, smudged here and there with soot and ash. She reached out and it flitted away, but before she could follow a shadow loomed overhead. She ducked instinctively, tripped and fell into a pile of bones, felt them crumbled beneath her. A vulture perched now on the same post the wren had chosen. Head smeared with gore, it peered down at her with bright black eyes. The covenant lives there, within thine hands, within thine heart. The voice was little more than a whisper, borne on the shifting winds, swirling away before it could be properly heard. She opened her mouth to speak but the vulture spread its great wings and was gone into the night, leaving only swirling clouds of ash in its wake.

 

Wren woke with a start, felt herself falling, and panic gripped her. Before she had a chance to cry out she hit the ground with a soft thud. All around her was silent, except distant, echoing thunder, the storm gone past but still raging. A sheep bleated quietly in its sleep and motes of straw dust danced in the shaft of moonlight slanting through the open barn door. She lay for a time, until her heart ceased its pounding, then raised her head and saw the milking stool, one leg laying a few inches away from the rest. She laughed weakly, then rose unsteadily. The world veered around her and she staggered across the muddy yard, head swimming as if drunk. At the door to the house she struggled out of her boots, and grabbed for the water pitcher, hands shaking. As she poured she saw the image of a great bird looming above her, and nearly dropped the pitcher. She drank the water down in a single gulp, then gripped the edge of the table, eyes squeezed shut, willing the room to stop spinning so wildly around her. Gradually it did so and she opened her eyes. “Sweet Mother protect me,” she said softly, a prayer she had once heard Amari offer to her own goddess Ceren. She was certain it would go unanswered, but still, it didn't hurt to try when one's own deity suddenly appeared and spoke after nearly four hundred years of silence.

 

Amari shifted slightly when Wren finally crawled into bed beside her, but did not wake. Certain she would sleep no more that night, she stared at the ceiling and tugged the blanket over her naked body. Amari rolled closer and snuggled in beside her, and all at once the fear rushed away, leaving her feeling weak and light headed. Her whole body ached and the weariness crashed down, and before she even had time to think about what might await her, she was asleep.

 

 

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Dare mighty things

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Week 1 ~ Tuesday

 

Tuesday? Feels like Thursday... Oi...

 

Went for a walk after work even though I didn't want to. Put on my big person undergarments and my headphones and got 'er done. Probably do a bit of stretching later, after my shower when I'm all nice and warm.

 

Macros will be managed, more or less. I'm eating what my parents are making for dinner, which will be hard to track, but they eat healthily so it'll be fine, if not exact.

 

I actually *gasp* went to bed early last night! I was watching Criminal Minds and all of a sudden I was like, holy cow I'm tired, and it coincided with the end of an episode, which I think is what saved me, so I ignored my impulse to watch just one more 'cuz it wasn't bedtime yet and went to bed. Read a bit of a magazine and fell asleep fairly readily. Sleep was ok, quality-wise, and good, length-wise, though still not enough, because apparently my body and/or mind is a princess, but I definitely noticed a difference in my energy level during the day, especially the evening. Funny how that works.....

 

Not much on the fun scale today, I might write a bit later. My sister is coming for dinner so I have to be social (not a complaint in this case), so I don't want to get all wrapped up in writing stuff, and by the time she leaves it'll probably be too late to start if I want to get to bed on time. Might scribble a few things that have been rattling around my head by hand. In the meantime I've been researching salt marshes (my Wikipedia search history has been even more random than usual since I've gotten back to this writing thing...)

 

Also, if anyone's interested but didn't notice, I posted my current Chapter 1 in the post before this one. Comments and critiques welcome!

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Dare mighty things

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Oh oh oh, tagging to read when I have a little more time.

Nice job on the listening to body signals with bed time.  I too sometimes fall into that 'but it's too early for bed time' trap.  UGH!

 

Level 75.5 ~*~ Ranger

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"It is difficult.  All things worth keeping are."  Thane Krios - Mass Effect 2

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