[fleaball]

Yay, another secret challenge! I'm trying something completely fucking different than I've ever done here, and I have no idea how it's going to work out. Honestly I could even be 100% successful and still hate it at the end. But I can't share anything about it or the shiny appeal of it will go away and I'll just bail on it like I do everything else. I do have to take my starting stats on day 1, which is going to suck balls. I probably should have planned this out sooner than the night before. 

 

So since I'm not officially reporting anything until the end of the challenge this thread is here in an attempt to keep me engaged and not hiding in a blanket fort for five weeks. We'll see how that goes. 

 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

I feel I should point out your wifi works inside blanket forts. You could engage here and hide in a blanket fort. 

[fleaball]

Stupid freakout of the day: muscle in my left upper arm is twitching, lower left arm seems slightly swollen and is tender in spots as is that hand. Cue “omgwtfbbq im dying.” But that shoulderish area hurts too, right up between my neck and the actual shoulder joint. Actually pretty much where a bra strap lands. So explanations are (1) I slept weird, (2) my bra sucks and my boobs are wreaking havoc again, (3) my posture is shit and playing video games isn’t helping. It’s most likely some combination of the above. Angry nerve, muscle, or both. I’m pleased I didn’t immediately decide I was having a heart attack but I’m definitely annoyed by whatever it is. Ugh. Maybe I should just go back to the float place and try to chill out. The amount of stress I’ve had for the past two weeks is not good for any part of me. But I also just don’t want to go because that’s also stressful. Womp. 
 

1 hour ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I feel I should point out your wifi works inside blanket forts. You could engage here and hide in a blanket fort. 

We are approaching winter in New England. If I retreat to a blanket fort it’s going to be for hibernating purposes and you won’t hear from me until spring. 

[RES]

9 hours ago, fleaball said:

We are approaching winter in New England. If I retreat to a blanket fort it’s going to be for hibernating purposes and you won’t hear from me until spring. 

I would be sad to not hear from you (though having been in New England during one week of winter many years ago, I get it)

 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

15 hours ago, fleaball said:

 

We are approaching winter in New England. If I retreat to a blanket fort it’s going to be for hibernating purposes and you won’t hear from me until spring. 

If you can fix it so the other people in the house can't get to or communicate with you I'd still support it. 

[Bean Sidhe]

16 hours ago, fleaball said:

Stupid freakout of the day: muscle in my left upper arm is twitching, lower left arm seems slightly swollen and is tender in spots as is that hand. Cue “omgwtfbbq im dying.” But that shoulderish area hurts too, right up between my neck and the actual shoulder joint. Actually pretty much where a bra strap lands. So explanations are (1) I slept weird, (2) my bra sucks and my boobs are wreaking havoc again, (3) my posture is shit and playing video games isn’t helping. It’s most likely some combination of the above. Angry nerve, muscle, or both. I’m pleased I didn’t immediately decide I was having a heart attack but I’m definitely annoyed by whatever it is. Ugh. Maybe I should just go back to the float place and try to chill out. The amount of stress I’ve had for the past two weeks is not good for any part of me. But I also just don’t want to go because that’s also stressful. Womp. 
 

We are approaching winter in New England. If I retreat to a blanket fort it’s going to be for hibernating purposes and you won’t hear from me until spring. 

 

 

So I have noticed over the years that the first thing that happens when my bra is going is shoulder pain. If I let it go to bad without changing bras, I will get the arm pain and even numbness in my fingertips. So that maybe the cause. At the same time, it could be a combination of all three. I am right there with you with having no idea what the hell I am doing either so lets make a club of it.

I say hibernate if you can, maybe put an electric fence around your room that cats can get in but not humans?

[athousandwords]

A secret challenge?

 

[fleaball]

3 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

 

 

So I have noticed over the years that the first thing that happens when my bra is going is shoulder pain. If I let it go to bad without changing bras, I will get the arm pain and even numbness in my fingertips. So that maybe the cause. At the same time, it could be a combination of all three. I am right there with you with having no idea what the hell I am doing either so lets make a club of it.

I say hibernate if you can, maybe put an electric fence around your room that cats can get in but not humans?

yeah that's def happening to me with the bra thing. goddamn I hate shopping for bras. why are they a thing. 

 

and man if I could make that electric fence thing work I'd be all over it. 

 

52 minutes ago, athousandwords said:

A secret challenge?

 

hahaha only secret because I've realized if I share what I'm doing, especially if I'm excited about it to start with, I lose all motivation and feel way too much pressure when other people know about it. my brain is broken lol

[fleaball]

first day went well. food choices could have been better; I did more than I was planning on today so the food I wanted to make for dinner didn't happen because there were no spoons left. I'm going to have to suck it up and meal prep or just cook a few things ahead of time, I think. like challenge or not, I can't count on having enough spoons at the end of the day to prepare and cook something. womp.

 

can someone make boobcat eat his fucking food? he has no interest in wet or dry food that he's been prescribed, even though he's hungry. he comes over and sniffs it and then nopes out. jerk. 

[Emma]

I totally get the secret goal thing. I have a couple of goals that I haven’t shared because I know as soon as I do, I’ll give up on them.

[fleaball]

The gremlins have decided that Fat Kitty’s death is imminent. There is no reason for this whatsoever. He’s old but has no obvious issues right now. This is the stupidest fucking thing and I hate gremlins. 

[fleaball]

My father just informed me that our shitty little afterthought of a covered back porch has a leak in the roof. There is a nor’easter happening Tuesday-Wednesday, with epic rain and the kind of wind that blows trees over. That’s awesome. Even better? If my father ever actually calls someone to fix it they’ll need to get through my brother’s hoarder nest of a bedroom to get to it. 
 

and just like that any and all motivation I may have had for doing anything beyond playing video games today has been sucked away. I was half thinking about going to cvs to get my flu shot and covid booster but it’s gross out and honestly I don’t need any help feeling miserable right now. 
 

on the good news front, I think I may have finally found a prescription food boobcat will eat. It’s too soon to tell whether he likes it or was just hungry and hated it less than the other kinds we’ve tried, but I’m gonna stay cautiously optimistic for now. 

[fleaball]

Good news. We don’t have to worry about the porch thing anymore. I’m just going to burn down the whole house because there are so many fucking spiders. I found one in the fucking silverware drawer in the kitchen. Why. 
 

Anyway. Challenge day 2 did not go as planned. I’m not aiming for 100% because I knew I’d need to build in some bad days. But I’m a little bummed my first nope was day 2. Oh well. 33 more I can do better. 
 

Boobcat is still eating his newest new food. Fingers crossed he sticks with it because we’re running out of things to try. And yes, we’ve mixed it all with his old food to get him used to it; he picks out the old stuff and leaves the rest. Little shit. 
 

Shoulder issue and related twitchy muscles have scaled back but not fully resolved. I’ll ask my doctor to test my magnesium level again on Friday; I’ve doubled my reflux med since the endoscopy and that can lower mg levels which can lead to twitching and shit. Also the top of my stomach started hurting earlier and I was confused as to wtf it could be. Lie down to go to bed, poke around, oh it’s actually my ribs, not my stomach. I’m just so fat that when I was standing up and poking I couldn’t tell I was poking my ribs. Ugh. Feels like fucking costochondritis (angry cartilage) again. Yay. At least I saved myself a trip to urgent care. It’s likely due to terrible posture and possibly wearing a bra much more often since I’ve been going out for Pokémon more often. I know my bra doesn’t fit right and wouldn’t be surprised if it’s pissing things off.

 

I rage cleaned my room today. Didn’t know what else to do with the angry energy (cold and rainy outside, not good for an angry walk) so I just cleaned. Plenty more to do because I was trying to avoid kicking up too much dust in the process. But I was literally saying out loud “okay, what is a small thing I can do right now for an easy win?” And then I’d do that and ask again and do another thing. It’s almost like years of therapy have taken hold and I’m learning how to deal with myself. Who’d have guessed?

 

anyway. Tuesday is going to be stressful as hell because of this storm and its 50+ MPH wind gusts. I hate wind. Will crank up the noise cancelling headphones and attempt to find a job, I guess? I had a few I wanted to apply to but then the boobcat saga distracted me and now I think it’s too late for some of them. We’ll see. 
 

man I’m already stressed out. It’s 2:45 in the morning and I want gooey cheesy comfort food. Terrible choice health-wise and also my body actually hates dairy so extra terrible choice. I still want it. Here’s an idea flea, maybe go the fuck to sleep and some of the stress will go away?  

[athousandwords]

6 hours ago, fleaball said:

Boobcat is still eating his newest new food. Fingers crossed he sticks with it because we’re running out of things to try.

Good boobcat. Stick with it.

 

 

6 hours ago, fleaball said:

I rage cleaned my room today. Didn’t know what else to do with the angry energy (cold and rainy outside, not good for an angry walk) so I just cleaned. Plenty more to do because I was trying to avoid kicking up too much dust in the process. But I was literally saying out loud “okay, what is a small thing I can do right now for an easy win?” And then I’d do that and ask again and do another thing. It’s almost like years of therapy have taken hold and I’m learning how to deal with myself. Who’d have guessed?

 

Well that's good progress! I'd much rather rage clean than rage eat, which is what I normally do.

[Mahalak]

9 hours ago, fleaball said:

I rage cleaned my room today. Didn’t know what else to do with the angry energy (cold and rainy outside, not good for an angry walk) so I just cleaned. Plenty more to do because I was trying to avoid kicking up too much dust in the process. But I was literally saying out loud “okay, what is a small thing I can do right now for an easy win?” And then I’d do that and ask again and do another thing. It’s almost like years of therapy have taken hold and I’m learning how to deal with myself. Who’d have guessed?

If you're going to feel rage, might as well do something productive with it, rather than destructive!

[fleaball]

17 hours ago, athousandwords said:

Good boobcat. Stick with it.

 

 

 

Well that's good progress! I'd much rather rage clean than rage eat, which is what I normally do.

omg I want this cat. He’s adorable. Rage cleaning is definitely better than rage eating, but I only did it because there was nothing in the house worth eating lol. I am bad at buying snacks and for once it worked out in my favor. 
 

15 hours ago, Mahalak said:

If you're going to feel rage, might as well do something productive with it, rather than destructive!

True. Being destructive is great until you have to clean up the mess you make. 

[fleaball]

I wrote up a big post and then my iPad ate it when I hit submit. I am a grumpy motherfucker right now. Someone remind me to re- word vomit about why I’m proud of myself right now. I’m too tired and too freaked out by this wind to write it all up again this very moment. Fucking storm seems to be getting worse as the night goes on and I am not pleased. 

[fleaball]

To do list for Wednesday:

 

- email a place about donating cat food 

- email my doctor a list of questions I have for our appointment on Friday; maybe she’ll actually address them this way?

- laundry ugh

- fml I forgot the actual importantish stuff I wanted to put here

- pull out my weighted blanket from the closet and hope it’s not full of spiders

- get my shit together challenge-wise

 

 

okay people who are adultier than I am: if a job was posted 3 weeks ago is it too late to apply or should I give it a go?

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

2 hours ago, fleaball said:

okay people who are adultier than I am: if a job was posted 3 weeks ago is it too late to apply or should I give it a go?

There's no way to know. If the job posting is up, go ahead and apply 

[athousandwords]

6 hours ago, fleaball said:

okay people who are adultier than I am: if a job was posted 3 weeks ago is it too late to apply or should I give it a go?

 

Definitely - they'd likely take it down if it was filled. My current job I applied 4 weeks after it was posted, 2 days before the deadline. 😅

 

7 hours ago, fleaball said:

I’m too tired and too freaked out by this wind to write it all up again this very moment. Fucking storm seems to be getting worse as the night goes on and I am not pleased. 

 

Fuck the wind is nuts this week. Actual screencap of trying to walk the kids to school:

 

[fleaball]

10 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

There's no way to know. If the job posting is up, go ahead and apply 

 

7 hours ago, athousandwords said:

 

Definitely - they'd likely take it down if it was filled. My current job I applied 4 weeks after it was posted, 2 days before the deadline. 😅

 

okay I’m glad I asked. The nutritionist I was seeing earlier this year basically yelled at me for even looking at postings that were over a week old. I was pretty sure that was bullshit, but that kind of stuff gets in my head anyway. 

 

 

7 hours ago, athousandwords said:

Fuck the wind is nuts this week. Actual screencap of trying to walk the kids to school:

 

Omg that sounds awful. I’d be just as pissed as that fox. 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

17 minutes ago, fleaball said:

okay I’m glad I asked. The nutritionist I was seeing earlier this year basically yelled at me for even looking at postings that were over a week old. I was pretty sure that was bullshit, but that kind of stuff gets in my head anyway. 

 

What the bad word does a Nutritionist know about job searching? 

[fleaball]

2 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

What the bad word does a Nutritionist know about job searching? 

Okay yeah, when you put it like that…

[fleaball]

Had food delivered an hour ago. Was really looking forward to it, plus it’s reasonably healthy.

 

Right now it’s still sitting in the bag at my feet and I kinda want to cry at the thought of eating. 

 

my mental health is totally fine. Totally. 

[Emma]

Hugs.