[fleaball]

In funk. Fat Kitty is a blanket hog so none available for fort. Will report back eventually.

[fleaball]

Switched today’s pcp appointment to virtual because I have a cough I can’t shake. It’s 99% likely it’s just allergies and my asthma won’t let go of it. But she wants me to get a covid test anyway. I understand the reasoning behind it and I’m pretty sure it’s not covid but I’m low-key freaking out anyway. Especially because my stomach has decided to act up today too. This is not something I need right now. Kinda kicking myself for not getting the booster shot yet. 

[athousandwords]

26 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Switched today’s pcp appointment to virtual because I have a cough I can’t shake. It’s 99% likely it’s just allergies and my asthma won’t let go of it. But she wants me to get a covid test anyway. I understand the reasoning behind it and I’m pretty sure it’s not covid but I’m low-key freaking out anyway. Especially because my stomach has decided to act up today too. This is not something I need right now. Kinda kicking myself for not getting the booster shot yet. 

 

There are some bad colds going around this fall. I think we were all so insulated last year that it's playing catch up with our immune systems. Hopefully your Covid test is negative and the cough resolves soon!

[Tateman]

I hate when I have allergies or something acting up, because I am thinking covid right away. I've been very on top of things though, so I feel like I will be ok. Even with flu season stuff.  Hopefully, you test comes back negative, and symptoms clear up quickly.

[fleaball]

Emailed my doctor after the float debacle to ask if she had ideas. “Make an appointment and we’ll discuss it then.” Emailed her immediately after the endoscopy to ask what to do about the hernia. “Make an appointment so we can discuss.” Asked about both those things at yesterday’s appointment. I got “sorry, no idea” and “focus on ab exercises to strengthen your core,” respectively. The fuck did you want me to make separate appointments for if that’s all you were going to say?! 
 

I couldn’t get a covid test appointment before Monday at any local pharmacy or hospital-affiliated testing site. So today I got up at 8:30 to go get a test at a van the hospital runs that parks at various sites for a few hours and does tests and vaccinations and was conveniently located at my doctors office this morning. Except it’s cold and rainy out and they can’t do tests in those conditions? So back to waiting until my appointment on Monday. Sigh. But the panic has now gone and I really honestly don’t think I have covid. If I do I will be shocked. Right now I’m mostly just inconvenienced because I’m obviously not going to go anywhere until I get a negative test, and for once I actually had things I wanted to do. Nothing terribly important but now I have to wait until at least Tuesday. Meh. I guess now I have no excuse not to clean my room?

[fleaball]

Okay people who can computer better than me. Question time. If I dump a shit ton of recipes into a word doc because I’m tired of having a million bookmarks to sort through, is it possible (or worth the effort) to link it to a spreadsheet with all kinds of info that I can sort by? Like by cook time and ingredients (eg oh crap these beets will expire soon, what can I use them for?) and whatnot? Or am I better off just using ctrl + f for ingredient names and not complicating things since I have no excel skills? I can learn it if I need to but I wouldn’t know where to start on something like this. 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Since you would have to learn excel skills it would complicate things. Since cooking is already a struggle I do not recommend something cooking related be how you learn spreadsheets. It would double the willpower needed for something already a struggle. 

[Sylvaa]

10 hours ago, fleaball said:

Okay people who can computer better than me. Question time. If I dump a shit ton of recipes into a word doc because I’m tired of having a million bookmarks to sort through, is it possible (or worth the effort) to link it to a spreadsheet with all kinds of info that I can sort by? Like by cook time and ingredients (eg oh crap these beets will expire soon, what can I use them for?) and whatnot? Or am I better off just using ctrl + f for ingredient names and not complicating things since I have no excel skills? I can learn it if I need to but I wouldn’t know where to start on something like this. 

 

I know there are recipe websites that you can do this with (I know I saw them when I was looking for meal planning resources), but for the life of me, I cannot give you any additional info at this time. (I just did a quick search and found Paprika, Recipe Keeper, and Recipe Box as potential ones to look at). 

 

Personally, I just use Pinterest to hold my recipes instead of bookmarks (because they are then all in one place), but that won't organize the way you want. How many recipes are you talking about here? I could throw something together for you in Google. 

[fleaball]

6 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Since you would have to learn excel skills it would complicate things. Since cooking is already a struggle I do not recommend something cooking related be how you learn spreadsheets. It would double the willpower needed for something already a struggle. 

Point. However, counter point: nerd brain could take over and make it a fun thing to work on despite the cooking thing.

 

6 hours ago, Sylvaa said:

 

I know there are recipe websites that you can do this with (I know I saw them when I was looking for meal planning resources), but for the life of me, I cannot give you any additional info at this time. (I just did a quick search and found Paprika, Recipe Keeper, and Recipe Box as potential ones to look at). 

 

Personally, I just use Pinterest to hold my recipes instead of bookmarks (because they are then all in one place), but that won't organize the way you want. How many recipes are you talking about here? I could throw something together for you in Google. 

lmao between online bookmarks and photos I've taken from library cookbooks I have literally hundreds of recipes to go through. I know I'll never actually make most of them right now, but I'm purging as I go through them. Like everyone and their mom has a black bean taco recipe, and 300 curries, and whatever. So I'll be getting rid of a bunch.

 

I googled the ones you mentioned and have found a couple other options to look through later though, thanks for the idea. 

[Mahalak]

First and foremost, how are you feeling today? Better, I hope.

As for the recipes, I use ctrl+F for all sorts of things and find (hah!) it very useful. I'd go that route rather than learning Excel for this particular thing.

[fleaball]

2 hours ago, Mahalak said:

First and foremost, how are you feeling today? Better, I hope.

As for the recipes, I use ctrl+F for all sorts of things and find (hah!) it very useful. I'd go that route rather than learning Excel for this particular thing.

Physically meh but still not convinced I have covid. It’s something?

 

I also ctrl + f everything because I have no patience lmao. I think I’ll stick with that for now. 

[fleaball]

Urrrrrrrgh there’s a Pokémon Go event from Monday morning - Tuesday evening and I just… don’t wanna. Nothing says I have to do it, of course, but there are some pokemon featured that I have few or none of so I want them. Womp. #lazyfleaproblems

 

I think for now I’ll stick with just dropping all my recipes in a word doc and go from there. No sense in trying organize a bunch of shit I may not use. Downloaded a couple different apps and deleted all but one because the free versions give the barest of bare minimum. Pass. 
 

I don’t want to get this covid test tomorrow morning. Not because I’m afraid of the results, it’s just a pain in the ass to get there and then it takes 30 seconds and then I drag my ass back home. 
 

I have not been doing well with my challenge goals. But doing poorly is still teaching me things, so it’s something?

[fleaball]

A couple weeks ago I said I ran out of my house to go catch a Pokémon I needed that never ever appeared nearby. Fucker just popped up in my room while I’m sitting around watching ghost shows. Fuck you too Cubone. 
 

If I get a reasonable amount of sleep tonight, I’ll hit starb- nooooooope bad flea. Damn. I was going to say I’d hit starbucks and then wander around a park after my covid test. But again, even though I don’t think I have it I’m not going to go be around people until I get the results back. Scratch that. New plan for Monday: do laundry, do dishes, order groceries, catch Pokémon from home. 
 

asking the audience again: is there a way to block any and all images on a Google search? And maybe on any links you click from that search? I want to find ways to kill all these fucking spiders but I cannot handle seeing any images of spiders. None. I learned the hard way when googling bed bug stuff that people put pictures on fucking everything and that was bad enough. I have literally thrown my phone across the room before when spiders pop up unexpectedly. Can’t do it. I’m getting creeped out right now just writing “spiders” so often. But anyway. We clearly have a problem with them in the house because there are webs fucking everywhere but i don’t know where they’re all actually hiding. I’m really hoping there’s something akin to the vinegar/dish soap fruit fly trap that I can use for spiders. My brother half assed googling for me and said you can make a spray of one part water, one part certain kinds of essential oils and it will kill them on contact, but fuck that. And I don’t think we’re actually at the point yet where we need an exterminator but lbr even if we were it would take my father another ten years to get around to it. 
 

speaking of which, I’ve been on him to call someone about the leaking porch roof because contractors are super busy and there’s a shortage of materials etc and it’s been fucking rainy lately. He insists on waiting until my brother’s room is completely clean because it would be embarrassing to have people see it. Or something. lol what are priorities

oh there’s a thing I can do after my appointment. Apply to all the fucking jobs in a hundred mile radius so I can get the fuck out of here. Good idea, flea. 

[fleaball]

“If I get a reasonable amount of sleep.” Lawl. Couldn’t get myself into bed before 2 because random anxiety. Didn’t fall asleep til after 4:30. Alarm went off at 8:20 and I had woken up at least 3 times before that. Fucking womp. Nothing of value is getting done today. 

[Sylvaa]

9 hours ago, fleaball said:

asking the audience again: is there a way to block any and all images on a Google search? And maybe on any links you click from that search? I want to find ways to kill all these fucking spiders but I cannot handle seeing any images of spiders. None. I learned the hard way when googling bed bug stuff that people put pictures on fucking everything and that was bad enough. I have literally thrown my phone across the room before when spiders pop up unexpectedly. Can’t do it. I’m getting creeped out right now just writing “spiders” so often.

 

My advice would be to ask someone else to Google for you and give you answers. Would incognito mode work? 

 

For the record, spiders don't bother me at all and it looks like the answers aren't any different than any other bugs; vinegar, citrus, mint, cedar, and lavender. But honestly, I think you are going to have to burn it all down and start again.

[fleaball]

5 hours ago, Sylvaa said:

 

My advice would be to ask someone else to Google for you and give you answers. Would incognito mode work? 

 

For the record, spiders don't bother me at all and it looks like the answers aren't any different than any other bugs; vinegar, citrus, mint, cedar, and lavender. But honestly, I think you are going to have to burn it all down and start again.

Ha, tried that with my brother and he stopped at “here’s one solution, I’m done.” I don’t think incognito mode would work but I’ll look for extensions or something when I’m bored. 

 

Ugh. Thanks for looking. I would absolutely burn it to the ground if i could. Zero hesitation. 

[fleaball]

Ten minutes ago I was fully prepared to get up and start doing shit. Got up, did one thing, zero energy left. Not entirely surprising because I slept like shit and am feeling the effects, but disappointing because I actually want to get shit done. I’ll try reading or something. That counts. 

[fleaball]

Confirmed: not covid. Huzzah. 

[athousandwords]

On 10/31/2021 at 1:23 PM, Sylvaa said:

I know there are recipe websites that you can do this with (I know I saw them when I was looking for meal planning resources), but for the life of me, I cannot give you any additional info at this time. (I just did a quick search and found Paprika, Recipe Keeper, and Recipe Box as potential ones to look at). 

 

I'm trying out Plan To Eat for this challenge since I saw it so highly recommended and I badly need to offload some of the mental load of meal planning/shopping/etc. I find the UI to be a little clunky, but I like that it has a million different sort/filter/tagging options. Also that it connects to my local grocery store and puts together my cart for me. It does cost money, but apparently they have an annual Black Friday sale, so I'm going to wait and subscribe then. 

[fleaball]

I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t  

 

i am done with these people. 
 

I literally do not even have the spoons to microwave a can of soup. 
 

Went to talk to my father about getting his ass in gear with the leaking fucking roof. Was prepared for a fight and it turned into a woe is me fest instead and I just want to punch him in the face. 
 

Later, boobcat does a weird poop and goes bonkers. I reluctantly check it out and Google it, then call the vet because it could be a bad thing. Obviously I won’t hear from them til the morning but I checked several websites and all of them just said “call your vet about it” and not “get thee to an ER” so that’s all that I’m doing with that. We’ll keep an eye on him but he seems fine for now. I explain to my father that it could be a digestive tract issue that needs attention (although I’m hoping it’s just a one-off response to fucking with his food so much) and we may need to consider where our cutoff point is with him. Not just because of cost, although that’s a big issue, but this cat is the definition of scaredy-cat. He gets jumpy if someone fucking breathes too loudly. Hates the vet, hates car rides, gets stressed. the fuck. out when being given pills despite our best attempts to keep him chill. If it comes to a point where he has a chronic condition that needs daily meds and regular vet visits, is it fair to him to make that a thing when we could just give him a can of tuna, wrap him up in a blanket, and send him off with lots of hugs? I’m getting way too far ahead of myself right now. I hope. But still. 
 

And then. While having this conversation my father says “oh yeah when he was in the hospital last night brother went on about ‘well flea just wants to kill him.’”

 

Excuse me?

 

And my father stumbles around trying to recover and just spits out a lot of word salad with no actual meaning, as he does. I just gave up. Fed the cats, had to walk back into the room to give fat kitty his bowl and asked my father if he at least defended me in that conversation. Tripped over himself a lot and was offended I even asked but I’m still not really sure. I’m so pissed. I’m not actually surprised my brother said that, but I’m still pissed. I am the one taking care of everything cat-related. I go to the vet and make the phone calls and order the food and am in charge of meds. They both leave it all up to me to handle. But I’m still the bad guy. I mean Jesus Christ when the vet at the ER told me straight up before even admitting him that plenty of people put their cats down for the urinary issue, that’s kind of a signal that in some circumstances it may be the best option. Maybe I come off as too pragmatic or something outwardly but while I would like my cats to live forever, I don’t see the point in putting them through constant hell for my own comfort? (As opposed to my father, who didn’t want to deal with Fat Kitty’s thyroid treatment in 2019 because “he’s already old anyway.”) I would spend anything to fix my cats and give them the best life possible, and I would much prefer to euthanize a human family member than either of them. And I absolutely fucking resent that my brother apparently thinks I don’t give a shit. While still leaving it all up to me anyway. 
 

And then there was another fun conversation where I asked my father if he followed up with the head plumber guy about the work that should have been done 5 years ago and he didn’t believe me about. Guy got back and said “yep, talked to the other guy about it. Needs to be done.” Or something. But didnt discuss timing or cost or what it entails. Idk if I’ve said before what it is, but we’re talking about the fucking waste pipe for the house. The big one that leads away from the bathroom. If it rots away before this gets done, we have a fucking problem. So he’s waffling on that. Waffling on the porch. Still saying he’s not even going to call someone about the porch until my brother cleans his room. I can’t seem to get through to him that contractors are hella busy rn, there’s a huge materials shortage, this is not something you can just say “hey do you mind coming to take a look at this tomorrow?” and then checking it out and coming back next week to patch it up. 
 

I don’t know what else to do here. As much as I would love to let my father crash and burn, I need to do everything I can to get these things fixed because I live here too. And that waste pipe? Right behind my wall. No thank you, there is more than enough shit everywhere without that becoming a thing. 
 

And now I’ve moved on from being pissed at the world and at my father and brother to bring pissed at myself for choosing humanities degrees that don’t lead directly into jobs and thus if I’d made “better” choices 15 years ago I wouldn’t be in this position because I’d have some great job that paid my bills and I wouldn’t be stuck here in this shithole applying for admin jobs that have been filled before they’re even posted online. Unrealistic, sure, because no matter what I majored in I’d still be the traumatized disaster I currently am. But holy fuck what I wouldn’t give for my life to be literally anything else right now. 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

I'm off the next two days. PM me if you want to video chat and hear a human validate your feelings.

[Owlet]

If it's any consolation, everyone here knows how much you love your cats and would do anything for them. I think it's really important to be pragmatic when it comes to pets' health issues for the exact reason you mentioned - sometimes it's not fair to keep them alive and suffering just for your own comfort. Obviously still crossing my fingers that they live forever, just like my little guy ❤️  I would be fuming if my brother said that about me, argh. 

[fleaball]

2 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I'm off the next two days. PM me if you want to video chat and hear a human validate your feelings.

thank you. I seriously appreciate this. But honestly right now I just don’t have the spoons for actual human conversation. For now it’s enough just knowing there are people in my corner. ❤️
 

1 hour ago, Owlet said:

If it's any consolation, everyone here knows how much you love your cats and would do anything for them. I think it's really important to be pragmatic when it comes to pets' health issues for the exact reason you mentioned - sometimes it's not fair to keep them alive and suffering just for your own comfort. Obviously still crossing my fingers that they live forever, just like my little guy ❤️  I would be fuming if my brother said that about me, argh. 

Thank you ❤️ sometimes I wonder if it’s weird how easily I say oh yeah we might have to put him down. But it’s like my brain separates the logical part (pet’s needs first) and the emotional part (nooooooo). I mean honestly when we put my dog down I was the one pushing for it because the poor thing was probably past her time (she’d gone blind, deaf, was bumping into walls and everything else, not great quality of life) but I was fucking bawling when the day came and couldn’t even go to the vet with everyone else. I regret that a bit now because none of them went in the room with her which is bullshit, but obviously I can’t say anything about that if I didn’t even go. But I digress. I love boobcat with all my heart and he is the most adorable fucking derp, but my brother can eat a dick. 

[fleaball]

Couldn’t force myself into bed before 4:30 despite that being all I wanted all day. 7:40 my brother wakes me up and tells me boobcat is having a bunch of other symptoms that may or may not include the urinary blockage again. Vet opens at 8 so guess who’s up and waiting around. 
 

idk y’all. I don’t want to say this is it for boobcat, but I’m not sure it’s looking great. He refused to eat the prescription food after the novelty wore off so he’s back on his regular wet food exclusively. If the issue came back he might be fucked. 

[fleaball]

Apparently Thing 1 and Thing 2 crossed paths while I was sleeping. My father said something about possibly having a decision to make and my brother snapped “what, so you just want to put him down?” That’s encouraging. This isn't going to be a problem at all. 
 

Vet has no openings for the next two days. Girl on the phone said just keep an eye on him and take him to the ER if he gets worse. I asked if I could talk to one of the doctors and she left a note so now I’m just waiting around for one of them to get time to call me. This blows.