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Keeping up with the Tanks and am smiling at the huge ring of support that is "circling the wagons" around ya. :)  Makes my heart happy to see you so loved, and be part of a community that is so willing to SHOW love.   (You guys, we really kind of seriously rock here.)

I don't have much else to add amidst all the great advice.  Other than I too would love to come down, buy you a brisket and crack open a hefeweizen with you while we eat something that someone else cooked for us.   Hope Little Bit feels better and that the Crud Quarantine gets over with quickly and with no hiccups.

 

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Hope Little Bit feels better soon, and class isn't closed too long for her.

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10 hours ago, sarakingdom said:

Japanese Garden is also a great one.

 

Japanese Garden is my default for overwhelmingly busy workdays. It's fascinating how effective it is.

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Reading Challenge Thread 2022

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

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12 hours ago, Elastigirl said:

Aw, poor Little BIt.Hope she feels better soon

We hope so too.

10 hours ago, sarakingdom said:

 

I very much want to like Discovery (and may yet, I haven't seen it), because it looks awesome. (Michelle Yeoh, Jason Isaacs, Tig Notaro, etc? I want it to be awesome.) But, just... they took a character who was very interesting, somewhat nuanced, and very sympathetic, and kind of made him the asshole who actively messed up everyone around him, especially the small children? It's the Enterprise problem on a small scale, trying to Up The Drama by increasing conflict with all the aliens, which is both a weirdly anti-Trek sentiment and not necessary, because the smaller, more ambiguous father-son drama was actually more interesting and realistic, and more relatable, than upping the stakes to neglect and borderline child abuse, or whatever.

 

Anyway. I have feelings.

 

Now Streaming Star Trek GIF by Paramount+

 

 

Japanese Garden is also a great one. I am required as a monk to endorse it.

DSC gets better with each season. You can get away with reading episode summaries on Memory Alpha to skip the first season, which is by far the roughest first season of any of the series so far.

2 hours ago, Starpuck said:

Keeping up with the Tanks and am smiling at the huge ring of support that is "circling the wagons" around ya. :)  Makes my heart happy to see you so loved, and be part of a community that is so willing to SHOW love.   (You guys, we really kind of seriously rock here.)

I don't have much else to add amidst all the great advice.  Other than I too would love to come down, buy you a brisket and crack open a hefeweizen with you while we eat something that someone else cooked for us.   Hope Little Bit feels better and that the Crud Quarantine gets over with quickly and with no hiccups.

 

Thank you for those kind words. You, along with many others, are welcome for a visit.

2 hours ago, Jarric said:

Hope Little Bit feels better soon, and class isn't closed too long for her.

Thanks.

23 minutes ago, Scaly Freak said:

 

Japanese Garden is my default for overwhelmingly busy workdays. It's fascinating how effective it is.

It's very peaceful. Sra. Tanque likes it too.

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"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

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On 1/10/2022 at 5:12 AM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

A part of my issues in the past have been that my faith started out very cognitive, a common criticism of the flavor of Christianity in which I grew up (Baptist). Over the last few years my emotional intelligence has grown and I've become more emotionally connected to my faith. Here I think we see the next big learning for me, how to take my spiritual formation (receiving the pouring in from God) beyond the cognitive into the emotional and spiritual. The next important thing to consider is, by design, I CAN'T figure this out on my own. I need help, and that's not only ok, its required. Prerequisite to that is a growth in humility on my part. I've spent quite a bit of time too satisfied with my knowledge and my perception of wisdom, now I can humble myself and ask for help from another. Along with that is the idea of placing myself under the direction of another, which is a physical world manifestation of a core principle of believing in God the way I do, that with all our freedom, we are to live in obedience to God. Asking for help from others is the part that engenders the most resistance in my heart, which means it's likely the most important thing on which to focus.

 

I know this is scary, but it also sounds really exciting, like the start of a new section of untrodden path that will lead somewhere beautiful. Do you know whom you'd like to ask for help?

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16 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Today is a DAY. While nursing in the morning, Little Bit coughed so hard she threw up.

 

Oh no! I hope Little Bit recovers soon. That sounds awful and exhausting.

 

 

Edit: Oh, while nursing. I was worried she was really sick but did she just choke on her drink? I do that, too.

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Let cheese and oxen and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination - Harriet the Viking

Just be bold, fluid and unapologetic, not small, hairy and indecisive - Harriet the Artist

You can absorb me! - Harriet the Contextless Guru

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28 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

by far the roughest first season of any of the series so far.

 

Oh My GIF by Omaze

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48 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

DSC gets better with each season. You can get away with reading episode summaries on Memory Alpha to skip the first season, which is by far the roughest first season of any of the series so far.

 

That's a horrifying statement. Seriously.

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Reading Challenge Thread 2022

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scaly Freak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31; Ch 32; Ch 33; Ch 34

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3 hours ago, Harriet said:

 

I know this is scary, but it also sounds really exciting, like the start of a new section of untrodden path that will lead somewhere beautiful. Do you know whom you'd like to ask for help?

I have a counselor with whom I have a very helpful therapeutic relationship I can call, and I want to set up the Ignatian retreat I mentioned earlier, but beyond that...*shrugs*. I'm kinda hoping that the first two will show the way on the third.

3 hours ago, Harriet said:

 

Oh no! I hope Little Bit recovers soon. That sounds awful and exhausting.

 

 

Edit: Oh, while nursing. I was worried she was really sick but did she just choke on her drink? I do that, too.

She has been coughing a lot lately. I think it's drainage from her sinuses making her cough.

3 hours ago, sarakingdom said:

 

Oh My GIF by Omaze

Pretty much. 

2 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

 

That's a horrifying statement. Seriously.

It helped that I didn't start watching DSC till season two was finished cause I wanted to get caught up on everything prior to Picard premiering. I was able to get through S1 and got the benefit of Captain Pike in S2. S2 will make you long for Strange New Worlds to come out as quickly as possible.

 

Sra. Tanque decided Little Bit needed a doctor visit due to a persistent low grade fever (kept popping back up to the 99 range after the tylenol wore off) and low appetite. They are there now, so we'll see what comes out as a result of that visit.

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31 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

but beyond that...*shrugs*. I'm kinda hoping that the first two will show the way on the third.

 

If one could see the whole route out, it probably wouldn't be burnout.

 

As a professional tech person, I can say that divide and conquer is a very official (and effective) problem solving strategy. You don't have to have an answer on the third to work on the first two. You just solve the bits you can solve, and the problem gets smaller.

 

3 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

That's a horrifying statement. Seriously.

 

But also somewhat freeing. If it's that bad, I'm justified in thinking they didn't know what the hell they were doing when they wreck a character I love, because look at all the other shit they pulled, and also in writing it off as fanfic rather than canon if I choose.

 

(I did that with most of Enterprise. Although, to be honest, they kind of did it themselves in their final episode, soooooo... "it was all a holodeck program" is always on the table. It made sense of a lot of the flaws of Enterprise. No one had a characterization and three of the four dudes had the exact same daddy issues because they were recreations based on very patchy primary sources. Someone let a Ferengi program T'Pol. And it may make sense out of Discovery, including the issue of why everyone is always a previously unmentioned sibling of Spock. I bet Quark's bar rents precisely two Spock stories to the ladies. This is the one for the more uptight girls who are too classy to bang holodeck characters. Season 1 Janeway played this one, I'm sure.)

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3 hours ago, sarakingdom said:

 

If one could see the whole route out, it probably wouldn't be burnout.

 

As a professional tech person, I can say that divide and conquer is a very official (and effective) problem solving strategy. You don't have to have an answer on the third to work on the first two. You just solve the bits you can solve, and the problem gets smaller.

I completely agree. I often use the metaphor of "This bit of insight you just got is not going to solve your problems, but it is a piece of the puzzle" followed by encouragement to find someone to talk to long term about whatever it was we just discussed. 

3 hours ago, sarakingdom said:

But also somewhat freeing. If it's that bad, I'm justified in thinking they didn't know what the hell they were doing when they wreck a character I love, because look at all the other shit they pulled, and also in writing it off as fanfic rather than canon if I choose.

 

(I did that with most of Enterprise. Although, to be honest, they kind of did it themselves in their final episode, soooooo... "it was all a holodeck program" is always on the table. It made sense of a lot of the flaws of Enterprise. No one had a characterization and three of the four dudes had the exact same daddy issues because they were recreations based on very patchy primary sources. Someone let a Ferengi program T'Pol. And it may make sense out of Discovery, including the issue of why everyone is always a previously unmentioned sibling of Spock. I bet Quark's bar rents precisely two Spock stories to the ladies. This is the one for the more uptight girls who are too classy to bang holodeck characters. Season 1 Janeway played this one, I'm sure.)

It's an easy way to transition between S1 and S2 of DSC. They fixed a lot of things between the seasons, including walking back the Klingon redesign. You still deal with Sarek not being what we remember, but you get to see young Spock (played very well) and I cannot overstate just how wholesome Captain Pike is. It's why I'm so excited for Strange New Worlds

 

Today is a good day. Little Bit does not have strep, and they did a nose swab and are testing for multiple things (including CoVID). They said we should get a call with the results tomorrow. Dinner was good. I roasted some potatoes that didn't turn out the way I wanted (they were fingerling, and of different sizes. The littlest ones were fully cooked, the less little one not so much, but we were hungry and tired of waiting). The main dish, however, was good. I cooked chicken thighs and bacon (both chopped) in their own fat with some salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, and white wine vinegar. Once most of the liquid cooked off, I drained it, and kept cooking. When they were done I added a bottle of Mark's Good Stuff Honey Bee BBQ Sauce and let it warm up, then topped it off with Cheddar Jack cheese and let that melt. I then served it and topped it with chopped tomato and dried chives. It was very good. Plenty of steps today at work too.

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1 hour ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

you get to see young Spock (played very well) and I cannot overstate just how wholesome Captain Pike is

 

These are good things. It does feel like recent Trek (and ST5) has been leaning a bit too hard on Spock to make it work, though. That has two issues: first, it's lazy, and second, Spock (like Scotty) is not a miracle worker, so at the end of the day, it's not a great strategy. It looks a bit desperate, and hangs some real baggage around Spock's neck.  It's like throwing away the ace in their pocket in the first game of the championship; wasteful, and signals they likely don't have the chops to be in the game.

 

Trek since 2009 is kind of like the constant series of Spiderman movies that are just the origin story of Peter Parker over and over again every few years. "Let's reboot Spock!" "Sold!" "Let's reboot Spock!" "Sold!" "Let's reboot Spock!" "Sold!" I cannot point out enough that none of the successful spinoffs of TOS included Spock in the premise, let alone rebooted him, no matter how much we all wanted more Spock and collectively begged them for more Spock. They didn't even have Vulcans till the third one out because of the long shadow of Spock. They denied us what we wanted because it made for a stronger show and forged an identity apart from the insane popularity of Spock.

 

(It's not that I don't like being pandered to, you understand, it's just that I don't respect them for it afterwards. And they could have prevented that if they'd just avoided that generic Father Drama 101 hatchet job on Spock's parents and pandered a little fucking harder, because even I have my price.)

 

I am glad about the new Pike, because he did look very promising, and that is a bit of Trek backstory ripe for filling in. It was always the road not traveled in Trek history. The what might have been.

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Sending good vibes for Little Bit, our darling mascot of the Rebellion, and actually very glad you guys kept her home on The Day. 

 

Sending good vibes for you, too. You went to work. You cooked good meals and ate them with your family. You are doing great things, and you are enough. 

 

Leveling up can be its own challenge, because once we get to a new level it sometimes feels as though if we’re not involved in heroic effort that we aren’t doing anything, certainly not doing enough. Learning how simply to be is an art.

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11 hours ago, sarakingdom said:

 

These are good things. It does feel like recent Trek (and ST5) has been leaning a bit too hard on Spock to make it work, though. That has two issues: first, it's lazy, and second, Spock (like Scotty) is not a miracle worker, so at the end of the day, it's not a great strategy. It looks a bit desperate, and hangs some real baggage around Spock's neck.  It's like throwing away the ace in their pocket in the first game of the championship; wasteful, and signals they likely don't have the chops to be in the game.

 

Trek since 2009 is kind of like the constant series of Spiderman movies that are just the origin story of Peter Parker over and over again every few years. "Let's reboot Spock!" "Sold!" "Let's reboot Spock!" "Sold!" "Let's reboot Spock!" "Sold!" I cannot point out enough that none of the successful spinoffs of TOS included Spock in the premise, let alone rebooted him, no matter how much we all wanted more Spock and collectively begged them for more Spock. They didn't even have Vulcans till the third one out because of the long shadow of Spock. They denied us what we wanted because it made for a stronger show and forged an identity apart from the insane popularity of Spock.

 

(It's not that I don't like being pandered to, you understand, it's just that I don't respect them for it afterwards. And they could have prevented that if they'd just avoided that generic Father Drama 101 hatchet job on Spock's parents and pandered a little fucking harder, because even I have my price.)

 

I am glad about the new Pike, because he did look very promising, and that is a bit of Trek backstory ripe for filling in. It was always the road not traveled in Trek history. The what might have been.

They have been going to the Spock well often, I'll give you that. Have you checked out Prodigy? It's got Mulgrew as Hologram Janeway, no Vulcans, and a bunch of ragtag kids who stumble on a Starfleet Ship. It's not perfect, but it's Trek, and it's got Janeway drinking coffee (and no Vulcans).

59 minutes ago, Heidi said:

Sending good vibes for Little Bit, our darling mascot of the Rebellion, and actually very glad you guys kept her home on The Day. 

 

Sending good vibes for you, too. You went to work. You cooked good meals and ate them with your family. You are doing great things, and you are enough. 

 

Leveling up can be its own challenge, because once we get to a new level it sometimes feels as though if we’re not involved in heroic effort that we are doing anything, certainly not doing enough. Learning how simply to be is an art.

See below for Little Bit. And thank you on the stuff about me. Agreed that BEING is the next step for me.

 

We got the results from the swabs the doctor did for Little Bit yesterday when Sra. Tanque took her to the doctor. Little Bit does NOT have CoVID. It's a common cold. We are relieved. 

 

Last night I read the first chapter of the Burnout book that had been recommended earlier in the thread. It was very helpful. Basically stress and stressors are related, but seperate things. Sometimes dealing with the stress is more important than the stressor. There are things to be done to complete the stress cycle which include:
Physical activity

Purposeful Breathing

Interaction with others

 

While I might have been inclined to be frustrated at being told things I already know, the book actually did a very good job contextualizing why those things help complete the stress cycle and help. To whit, Sra. Tanque and I hugged purposefully (not a euphemism) and I did a five minute meditation with the Japanese Garden from mynoise before getting in bed. I could not believe how deeply I was breathing after I laid down and had stopped meditating. Stuff works yo. Now the trick is to be consistent with physical activity again and make habits of the other two. I also do not wish to neglect setting up counseling and the retreat either. All this stuff together works in harmony to help.

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On 1/13/2022 at 2:25 AM, sarakingdom said:

Japanese Garden is also a great one. I am required as a monk to endorse it.

Japanese Garden is great, as is Irish Coast, and there’s one with a real Twin Peaks vibe as well. Don’t laugh, but my favorite one is:

https://mynoise.net/NoiseMachines/customMedievalLibrary.php 

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7 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

They have been going to the Spock well often, I'll give you that. Have you checked out Prodigy? It's got Mulgrew as Hologram Janeway, no Vulcans, and a bunch of ragtag kids who stumble on a Starfleet Ship. It's not perfect, but it's Trek, and it's got Janeway drinking coffee (and no Vulcans).

 

I've seen the trailer, and it's not bad, though possibly a bit young for me. (They've signed Beltran for a return as Chakotay, I hear.) Lower Decks clips also look pretty fun, and they go for a lot of random deep cuts rather than for Spock, which is surprisingly cool.

 

 

(I have nothing against shows having Vulcans; I love Vulcans and Tim Russ is great. But they're just a bit too Spock-fixated for it to work really well at the moment. And I gather DSC has also been hitting the mirror universe pretty hard, too. It's starting to feel like they're trying to bottle someone else's magic cuz they can't imagine how to make their own, and that is the thing TNG and DS9 worked so hard to avoid. Just... guys, stop,  don't cut that particular corner, it won't help you in the long run.)

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Current Challenge: #24 - Mrs. Cosmopolite Challenge

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7 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Little Bit does NOT have CoVID. It's a common cold. 

 

And The Rebellion breathed a collective sigh of relief.

 

I'm glad the book is giving you tools that work and are helping! I hope it continues to  help.

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“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

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2 hours ago, Heidi said:

Japanese Garden is great, as is Irish Coast, and there’s one with a real Twin Peaks vibe as well. Don’t laugh, but my favorite one is:

https://mynoise.net/NoiseMachines/customMedievalLibrary.php 

I'll try and contain my amazement that something Library caught your fancy.

37 minutes ago, sarakingdom said:

 

I've seen the trailer, and it's not bad, though possibly a bit young for me. (They've signed Beltran for a return as Chakotay, I hear.) Lower Decks clips also look pretty fun, and they go for a lot of random deep cuts rather than for Spock, which is surprisingly cool.

 

 

(I have nothing against shows having Vulcans; I love Vulcans and Tim Russ is great. But they're just a bit too Spock-fixated for it to work really well at the moment. And I gather DSC has also been hitting the mirror universe pretty hard, too. It's starting to feel like they're trying to bottle someone else's magic cuz they can't imagine how to make their own, and that is the thing TNG and DS9 worked so hard to avoid. Just... guys, stop,  don't cut that particular corner, it won't help you in the long run.)

Lower Decks is absolute Gold. I was uncertain about the first episode, but gave the second a chance. In the first season each episode is better than the one that proceeded it. The second season is also strong, but it's not a continuous rise. It is the NuTrek that truly loves the fans.

11 minutes ago, Scaly Freak said:

 

And The Rebellion breathed a collective sigh of relief.

 

I'm glad the book is giving you tools that work and are helping! I hope it continues to  help.

Thanks for the recommendation. 

 

Its hard tanking care of a sick two year old. Sra. Tanque was pretty worn out by the time I got off work. Once she found out Little Bit didn't have CoVid, they went to a park, where I met them. I took Little Bit on some errands so Sra. Tanque could get a break. Dinner was pizza. I'm tired y'all.

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4 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Its hard tanking care of a sick two year old. Sra. Tanque was pretty worn out by the time I got off work. Once she found out Little Bit didn't have CoVid, they went to a park, where I met them. I took Little Bit on some errands so Sra. Tanque could get a break. Dinner was pizza. I'm tired y'all.

 

I don't suppose the kid is open to playing the hibernating bear game? First you make a blanket fort with your dad, and next you both sleep in it till spring. Or dinner. Whichever comes first.

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I felt like I could run forever, like I could smell the wind and feel the grass under my feet, and just run forever.

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7 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Its hard tanking care of a sick two year old. Sra. Tanque was pretty worn out by the time I got off work. Once she found out Little Bit didn't have CoVid, they went to a park, where I met them. I took Little Bit on some errands so Sra. Tanque could get a break. Dinner was pizza. I'm tired y'all.

 

Wishing you so much restorative rest. The book on burnout sounds great and I'm glad your meditation worked so well. I started reading a Brene Brown book, by the way. The Gifts of Imperfection. I'm just reading it in small bits because you don't quaff a book like that, you sip it slowly and consider in between sips.

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On 1/10/2022 at 10:11 PM, Heidi said:

Does your faith community have a Walk to Emmaus group or analog? I went on one and it sounds like a very helpful thing for where you are right now — spirituality, letting others lead, being in the emotional lane, cultivating that relationship with God, then also with other real people. I know with the Pandemic Era that we are doing everything as virtually as possible, but this is one of the few things that I would advocate for an in-person event. If you have something like this, I highly recommend it. Also, the Walk is a three day event, and that might be something that fits well into a real-life family schedule without causing as much worry-baggage that a longer trip might bring with it. When I left the Walk, I was plugged pretty closely into a real community, and that made a difference, too.

 

I am sending you a ton of good vibes. You are enough, and God loves you beyond your imagining. You deserve some time to heal.

 

I'm a little behind on this thread, but I've done an Emmaus-style retreat and it was truly transformative. It was, without exaggeration, the only time in my life when I have truly felt the love of God in a wordless, not-cognitive, bones-and-guts-deep way. It also was the only time in my life when I have felt fully convinced that I can be loved without giving anything at all in return. For both of those reasons, I highly recommend the experience if you can find it / afford the time.  ❤️ 

 

Now to catch up on the rest - but I wholeheartedly concur with all the caring and wise encouragement that you've received here, and I am so grateful that you choose to share your weariness with us. It is our privilege to be a part of your circle and to remind you that, were you to never have one more success, one more person helped, one more kind word said - you would still be deeply, and irrevocably, loved. Of course, getting that from your head into your heart, that's a different story, and a journey we each have to take alone.  ;)  But we're rooting for you all along the way. 

 

---

 

Edit: After catching up, hooray that Little Bit just has a cold (which I hope she recovers from quickly); and I adore Lower Decks and can't wait for more.  :D 

 

Also, when we were little, we played a game called "horseshoes", which was basically the kid who laid the most still for the designated period of time (about 20-30 minutes) would win a prize. For devious children like myself, this was a chance to see if I could move so slowly that the teachers wouldn't notice I had moved - which still kept me quiet and occupied and was the main point anyway.  ;)  Little Bit might be a little too young to do the full 30 minutes, but it might be worth a try!

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SKY ELVENWORD NOBLEHEART

The Silver Archer, Ranger Level 48

Jesus-follower | Writer | Encourager | Resident Myers-Briggs and Enneagram Geek 

"Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people." - Fred Rogers

 

2022 Books in Progress:

When Strivings Cease  |  Happiness Workbook The Gifts of Imperfection  |  Mistborn  |

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16 hours ago, sarakingdom said:

 

I don't suppose the kid is open to playing the hibernating bear game? First you make a blanket fort with your dad, and next you both sleep in it till spring. Or dinner. Whichever comes first.

It's worth a shot.

13 hours ago, Harriet said:

 

Wishing you so much restorative rest. The book on burnout sounds great and I'm glad your meditation worked so well. I started reading a Brene Brown book, by the way. The Gifts of Imperfection. I'm just reading it in small bits because you don't quaff a book like that, you sip it slowly and consider in between sips.

I read the Gifts of Imperfection last year. Good, solid stuff. I've recommended it to people before.

9 hours ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

Yay for Lil' Bit just having a cold! Colds are still no fun, and I hope she's feeling 100% soon. 

 

That's wonderful that you are finding relief in those stress management techniques!

 

 

 

If I can get on top of regular physical activity, I can really lock in the destressing part. That's not the whole puzzle, but it's a corner piece. 

5 hours ago, SkyGirl said:

 

I'm a little behind on this thread, but I've done an Emmaus-style retreat and it was truly transformative. It was, without exaggeration, the only time in my life when I have truly felt the love of God in a wordless, not-cognitive, bones-and-guts-deep way. It also was the only time in my life when I have felt fully convinced that I can be loved without giving anything at all in return. For both of those reasons, I highly recommend the experience if you can find it / afford the time.  ❤️ 

 

Now to catch up on the rest - but I wholeheartedly concur with all the caring and wise encouragement that you've received here, and I am so grateful that you choose to share your weariness with us. It is our privilege to be a part of your circle and to remind you that, were you to never have one more success, one more person helped, one more kind word said - you would still be deeply, and irrevocably, loved. Of course, getting that from your head into your heart, that's a different story, and a journey we each have to take alone.  ;)  But we're rooting for you all along the way. 

 

---

 

Edit: After catching up, hooray that Little Bit just has a cold (which I hope she recovers from quickly); and I adore Lower Decks and can't wait for more.  :D 

 

Also, when we were little, we played a game called "horseshoes", which was basically the kid who laid the most still for the designated period of time (about 20-30 minutes) would win a prize. For devious children like myself, this was a chance to see if I could move so slowly that the teachers wouldn't notice I had moved - which still kept me quiet and occupied and was the main point anyway.  ;)  Little Bit might be a little too young to do the full 30 minutes, but it might be worth a try!

When I was in Kindergarten it was "the quiet game." It took us a few years to see through that one. Thank you for the kind words. My self-esteem issues have always stemmed from not feeling like I belonged, so you saying what you did is particularly poignant. 

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Today is a good day. Little Bit seems to be feeling better. She actually took a nap. We stayed in all day. I made beef and broccoli for dinner.

I cooked some beef strips in sesame oil. I removed them then put broccoli florets and garlic in the pan, then a mixture of 1 quarter c beef broth and 1 tbsp cornstarch, then 3/4 c teriyaki sauce and 1 ¹/⁴ c beef broth. I let that all simmer for ten minutes then added the beef back in, and served it over rice.

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So glad Little Bit is on the mend!  I can't imagine having children in these covid times.  I'd be an anxiety ball 100%.

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i am not waiting for a hero.  i saved myself long ago.

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"Well...in the end, it boils down to two simple choices. Either you do or you don't.

You'd think with all the problems in this world, there'd be more answers. It's not fair...
...But that's the way things are. The choice is yours."

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