[Salinger]

mmmmm id also love an apple right now but my mouth is too sore 

 

Eat one for me, will you? ❤️ 

 

Lots of love this morning Harriet xx

[Alanna]

4 hours ago, Harriet said:

I suppose it would be, but I'm started from the lightest possible weights! Once, I lifted 90. Now I am lifting 45 😕 But last time, I got there by pushing hard all the time, and I don't think I can reproduce that feat again a second time. So this time we're going slow.

 

 

Then 5 kg is an even larger proportional jump! Maybe convert things to pounds if you need a boost - 11 lbs sounds bigger psychologically, doesn't it?

 

4 hours ago, Harriet said:

Thank you. I do like coconut oil. Not sure about carrots, though. Maybe something else? Maybe I can fit in some fruit?

 

To be clear, I am not necessarily advocating coconut oil and carrots as a snack - more just noting that I've had similar tiredness-fuelled atypical snacks 😅

 

4 hours ago, Harriet said:

The chocolate I eat is 100% dark, so it has about 5 carbs in the amounts I eat it in. I think I was maybe missing the caffeine? I will reintroduce tea. It's too hard.

 

 

Caffeine is a tricky one to cut out suddenly - I hope you feel better with tea!

 

4 hours ago, Harriet said:

Interestingly, I did feel better (temporarily) after the panettone, so clearly I can benefit from at least some carbs for energy, though when my diet was about 40% carbs I still had the anxiety. Why? (hypothesis 1: grains cause anxiety because of celiac or non-celiac sensitivity? hypothesis 2: grains, legumes and tofu cause anxiety because of lectins or some other plant mischief hypothesis 3 excess carbs cause anxiety and the boundary of excess is more than 5% but less than 40% possibly depending on whether I'm lifting and walking much hypothesis 4 fast acting carbs cause anxiety through blood sugar instability, and rolled oats are fast acting carbs despite lies to the contrary hypothesis 5 ketones are independently helpful for anxiety regardless of whether carbs are helpful in other ways).

 

That is a nice list of hypotheses! I'll add on a 3b/4b hypotheses - your carb tolerance depends on the amount of other macronutrients eaten at the same meal (e.g., oatmeal might be fine if you have some meat on the side for the same meal).

 

Did you eat a lot of potatoes in your old diet? 

 

[fearless 2.0]

morning! ❤️ dont have a clue which hypothesis is true, sadly. but we will find out if you keep going.....

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Pannetone is awesome! I wouldn't know what to tell you about your hypotheses, nor would I k ow how to test them. I would say if you had celiac you'd know it after 4 slices of Pannetone. 

[KB Girl]

3 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Pannetone is awesome! I wouldn't know what to tell you about your hypotheses, nor would I k ow how to test them. I would say if you had celiac you'd know it after 4 slices of Pannetone. 

Someone who knows they have celiac and has been avoiding gluten will have a strong reaction, but if your reaction to gluten is normal for you then you won’t necessarily notice. That’s why they do blood tests + bowel biopsies to confirm celiac. 

[Harriet]

8 hours ago, KB Girl said:

Delicious crisp apple 🍎 go for it 😁

Really wish i could help you figure out which of those hypothesis is true… fingers crossed ditching just the chocolate will make your acid reflux go away! 

 

I had half and apple and it was gorgeous!

 

6 hours ago, Salinger said:

mmmmm id also love an apple right now but my mouth is too sore 

 

Eat one for me, will you? ❤️ 

 

Lots of love this morning Harriet xx

 

❤️ Love to you this fine evening, Sal! I hope you can get someone to look at the tooth soon!

 

4 hours ago, Alanna said:

Then 5 kg is an even larger proportional jump! Maybe convert things to pounds if you need a boost - 11 lbs sounds bigger psychologically, doesn't it?

 

haha, yeah. "I added 12.5% to my deadlift this week. No sweat."

 

4 hours ago, Alanna said:

That is a nice list of hypotheses! I'll add on a 3b/4b hypotheses - your carb tolerance depends on the amount of other macronutrients eaten at the same meal (e.g., oatmeal might be fine if you have some meat on the side for the same meal).

 

Did you eat a lot of potatoes in your old diet?

 

Could be, could be. I typically ate oats or fruit and salad for breakfast. Often meals with vegetables and tofu or lentils/beans.

 

4 hours ago, fearless 2.0 said:

morning! ❤️ dont have a clue which hypothesis is true, sadly. but we will find out if you keep going.....

 

Evening! ❤️ I hope so!

 

3 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Pannetone is awesome! I wouldn't know what to tell you about your hypotheses, nor would I k ow how to test them. I would say if you had celiac you'd know it after 4 slices of Pannetone. 

 

It was delicious but I'm not well today. Yeah, so two German doctors (who don't have my medical history) basically said no diarrhea=no celiac. But I was officially diagnosed on the basis of nutrient deficiencies, antibodies and gene tests (so, not the gold standard biopsy, which was negative, but an interpretation of the other, merely suggestive tests). Some people are saying there's such thing as silent or latent celiac disease without typical symptoms, but others are saying that's rubbish. Not sure what to think, yet.

 

45 minutes ago, KB Girl said:

Someone who knows they have celiac and has been avoiding gluten will have a strong reaction, but if your reaction to gluten is normal for you then you won’t necessarily notice. That’s why they do blood tests + bowel biopsies to confirm celiac. 

Ja, they tested and all. It's just the doctors don't agree on what the results indicate. One doc says I either have it (or will develop it) even without typical damage (and I should avoid gluten premptively), and the others say no damage, no disease.

[Harriet]

Thursday

I meditated, got groceries, wrote, and am going to a restaurant for dinner tonight with my brother and husband. Yay! I was a little reluctant to write, but I remembered from previous ten minute sits how easy it is. I set the timer, and of course although the only requirement is sitting in front of the essay without doing anything else, I did in fact write.

Nerdsssss, I had dramatic gut upset and powerful anxiety this afternoon. I still feel physically anxious, though it took me a few moments to identify the feeling (it could be mistaken for anger with a different emotional interpretation). It's like... broiling heat in my chest and this shaky feeling all over, plus unpleasantly knotting stomach. I'm not too bothered by it because I've had a lot of time off from the anxiety, and therefore I am able to view it a bit more objectively without the emotional layer (of *believing* the anxiety and feeling that something *must be* super wrong). Hmmmmmmmmm. Let's just note that down. It's not conclusive by itself (was it the carbs, the sugar, the wheat, or the sudden change of macros?) but it's one datum.

 

relationship stuff/feels ugh

Spoiler

You know, I noticed that Mr Harriet seemed happy when I ate the Panettone. I guess he just has some emotional reason of his own--maybe he feels judged about his consumption of junk? Or lonely in his new vegetarianism? Anyway, I am very frequently upset by our interactions of late. Not just about the food, there has been some other negative stuff as well. But I want to take responsibility for my emotional state, so I worked out the strategy I want to use if there is an upsetting conversation/interaction. I will thank him for the information/opinion, end the conversation, express love and reassurance, and take some time out for myself. Then (by myself) I will choose which emotions I want to cultivate, and use the powers of intention and attention to create them.

 

[Gemma]

9 hours ago, Harriet said:

Friends, I ate three prunes, about 2 tablespoons of coconut oil, and no fewer than four slices of panettone (I think it's an italian fruit cake thing) with butter. I think taking away my tea and my chocolate at the same time was too cruel. I think chocolate is the likelier culprit regarding the acid reflux, so I'm going to put the tea back in for now, but not too close to bed time.

 

Interestingly, I did feel better (temporarily) after the panettone, so clearly I can benefit from at least some carbs for energy, though when my diet was about 40% carbs I still had the anxiety. Why? (hypothesis 1: grains cause anxiety because of celiac or non-celiac sensitivity? hypothesis 2: grains, legumes and tofu cause anxiety because of lectins or some other plant mischief hypothesis 3 excess carbs cause anxiety and the boundary of excess is more than 5% but less than 40% possibly depending on whether I'm lifting and walking much hypothesis 4 fast acting carbs cause anxiety through blood sugar instability, and rolled oats are fast acting carbs despite lies to the contrary hypothesis 5 ketones are independently helpful for anxiety regardless of whether carbs are helpful in other ways).

I wonder if free floating fats aren't worse than fats integrated into whole foods, for the reflux. I can actually afford to have milk with my tea instead of cream, so I'll do that. I'll throw the prunes out today (my brother and I bought them to wrap in bacon at Yule, but they're 5 carbs... EACH. Dark, wrinkly little temptation-betrayal-packets). I'd be better off with a real piece of fruit as an afternoon snack. In fact, I could probably do that and still stay under thirty grams. I'd really like an apple.

 

Your application of scientific method and rational examinations of options is as impressive as always. I've missed reading your posts, I'm glad to see you are still here. 

 

9 minutes ago, Harriet said:

Thursday

Nerdsssss, I had dramatic gut upset and powerful anxiety this afternoon. I still feel physically anxious, though it took me a few moments to identify the feeling (it could be mistaken for anger with a different emotional interpretation). It's like... broiling heat in my chest and this shaky feeling all over, plus unpleasantly knotting stomach. I'm not too bothered by it because I've had a lot of time off from the anxiety, and therefore I am able to view it a bit more objectively without the emotional layer (of *believing* the anxiety and feeling that something *must be* super wrong). Hmmmmmmmmm. Let's just note that down. It's not conclusive by itself (was it the carbs, the sugar, the wheat, or the sudden change of macros?) but it's one datum.

 

relationship stuff/feels ugh

  Reveal hidden contents

You know, I noticed that Mr Harriet seemed happy when I ate the Panettone. I guess he just has some emotional reason of his own--maybe he feels judged about his consumption of junk? Or lonely in his new vegetarianism? Anyway, I am very frequently upset by our interactions of late. Not just about the food, there has been some other negative stuff as well. But I want to take responsibility for my emotional state, so I worked out the strategy I want to use if there is an upsetting conversation/interaction. I will thank him for the information/opinion, end the conversation, express love and reassurance, and take some time out for myself. Then (by myself) I will choose which emotions I want to cultivate, and use the powers of intention and attention to create them.

 

 

Sounds like a useful datum indeed - also, the step of not *believing* the anxiety is so huge! 

 

Spoiler

Mr. H might well be feeling threatened or judged. Mr. Gemma has, in the past, reacted unpleasantly to news that I was planning to engage in health behaviors that he did not feel ready for, as if my desire to give my body appropriate nutrition somehow reflected poorly on his preferred level of junk food consumption. Or worse, as if he thought my nutrition habits meant that I thought worse of him for his choices, and he felt defensive about criticism that he assumed I felt but that I had not offered.  He has gotten steadily less judgey and more supportive over the years. In any case, your plan for dealing with Mr. H's commentary seems spot on to me. 

 

[Rurik Harrgath]

This is how I imagine you using all of that skirmish equipment to handle your battles 

 

 

And I fully support that  

[Alanna]

46 minutes ago, Harriet said:

Nerdsssss, I had dramatic gut upset and powerful anxiety this afternoon. I still feel physically anxious, though it took me a few moments to identify the feeling (it could be mistaken for anger with a different emotional interpretation). It's like... broiling heat in my chest and this shaky feeling all over, plus unpleasantly knotting stomach. I'm not too bothered by it because I've had a lot of time off from the anxiety, and therefore I am able to view it a bit more objectively without the emotional layer (of *believing* the anxiety and feeling that something *must be* super wrong). Hmmmmmmmmm. Let's just note that down. It's not conclusive by itself (was it the carbs, the sugar, the wheat, or the sudden change of macros?) but it's one datum.

 

 

Oh no, it sounds like something (or multiple things) definitely upset your system. At least it's a data point, as you said - now the hard part is narrowing down the cause(s) of the upset...

 

Sorry that the celiac tests have been inconclusive. Gluten doesn't seem to play well with a host of other metabolic, hormonal, and autoimmune disorders either, so even if you don't have celiac's it's very possible you're sensitive to it for another reason.

 

Spoiler

Sorry you're having relationship stress on top of the food and fatigue issues - I don't have any advice, but want to send you a virtual hug and say that your strategy for managing your own emotions is really impressive.

 

 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Spoiler

Whatever the issues going on, communication is a big part of the solution. I applaud your plans to take ownership of what you feel and communicate within those plans by ending the conversation where necessary and expressing love and support.

 

[KB Girl]

4 hours ago, Harriet said:

Nerdsssss, I had dramatic gut upset and powerful anxiety this afternoon. I still feel physically anxious, though it took me a few moments to identify the feeling (it could be mistaken for anger with a different emotional interpretation). It's like... broiling heat in my chest and this shaky feeling all over, plus unpleasantly knotting stomach. I'm not too bothered by it because I've had a lot of time off from the anxiety, and therefore I am able to view it a bit more objectively without the emotional layer (of *believing* the anxiety and feeling that something *must be* super wrong). Hmmmmmmmmm. Let's just note that down. It's not conclusive by itself (was it the carbs, the sugar, the wheat, or the sudden change of macros?) but it's one datum.

 

You know, this is a good thing   it's very clear evidence that what you're doing has been working- even if why is a little unsure. That's great! 

[Scaly Freak]

I can't believe I missed this thread earlier!

 

Spoiler

With regards to emotions and relationships, no one is perfect and neither are relationships. The approach you describe, of stepping away, making intentional decisions and deciding which emotions you want to own, is healthy and important. Bravo for arriving at that mental place on your own.  

 

As for what others have said, I have had the same experience Gemma described in my past. I was doing my best to make healthy decisions about my food and activity levels, and Husband who was not yet at that point in his personal journey, begun feeling very defensive about his own choices. It was very difficult for me to find the balance between supporting his right to make his own decisions about what he was eating (even though I disagreed with the decisions he made), while setting boundaries around my rights to make my different decisions, without inadvertently coming across as "oh, no you don't have to make the same decisions I make just because mine are better and wiser" even though I didn't mean to. Talking about it and putting our intentions and how we feel about them into words, was critical for us working through that part and moving into a better and healthier approach to food and drink for both of us.

 

I think you're also quite correct that Mr Harriet has a very strong emotional attachment to vegetarian and vegan diets on a personal level that's maybe not healthy. There has been a lot of talk in your threads in the past about the almost cult-like culture around these ways of eating, and I think it would be neglectful not to consider that Mr H has joined in a lot of the moral values around vegan eating. Most especially, the ones that equate your eating decisions with your moral integrity and your value as a person. He might be genuinely distressed about your constant choice to eat meat because of what that implies about your personal integrity, and if he is I'm willing to bet nearly anything that he is completely unaware of this belief of his.

 

But all of that is a moot point. You've found that eating meat reduces your anxiety and helps your energy levels. This is great and fantastic news! It might be worth asking Mr Harriet to reflect on why he choses to focus on the meat as an evil, instead of being happy for you that the meat is an effective way to manage your chronic medical condition. If you had a fatal illness, and eating meat was the only way to save your life, you two wouldn't be having this dilemma, because he loves you and he would never want you to die if it could be prevented.

 

A chronic illness is not automatically a fatal illness, of course, so it's a bit of apples to oranges. But loving someone means wanting what is best for them and it means helping them achieve it. In your case, that includes letting you eat meat without giving you grief about it. 

 

[fearless 2.0]

I read here and think how brave you are. Its good that you take responsibility for how you feel and are so dedicated to your goals... just make sure you are super nice to yourself. In my experience that makes a big difference. It does not mean you leave your goals, just some super friendly self talk. It might help with mental upsets.

go you!!!!  

[Harriet]

17 hours ago, Gemma said:

 

Your application of scientific method and rational examinations of options is as impressive as always. I've missed reading your posts, I'm glad to see you are still here. 

 

Aww, thanks! And welcome back!

 

17 hours ago, Gemma said:

 

  Hide contents

Mr. H might well be feeling threatened or judged. Mr. Gemma has, in the past, reacted unpleasantly to news that I was planning to engage in health behaviors that he did not feel ready for, as if my desire to give my body appropriate nutrition somehow reflected poorly on his preferred level of junk food consumption. Or worse, as if he thought my nutrition habits meant that I thought worse of him for his choices, and he felt defensive about criticism that he assumed I felt but that I had not offered.  He has gotten steadily less judgey and more supportive over the years. In any case, your plan for dealing with Mr. H's commentary seems spot on to me. 

 

 

 

Oh, that's useful to know I'm not the only one who has experienced this!

 

16 hours ago, Rurik Harrgath said:

This is how I imagine you using all of that skirmish equipment to handle your battles 

 

 

And I fully support that  

 

Oh yeah. Machine gun of meditation, flamethrower of positive relationships, grenade of sleep quality. I'm going to murder the shit outta my problems.

 

16 hours ago, Alanna said:

 

Oh no, it sounds like something (or multiple things) definitely upset your system. At least it's a data point, as you said - now the hard part is narrowing down the cause(s) of the upset...

 

Sorry that the celiac tests have been inconclusive. Gluten doesn't seem to play well with a host of other metabolic, hormonal, and autoimmune disorders either, so even if you don't have celiac's it's very possible you're sensitive to it for another reason.

 

  Hide contents

Sorry you're having relationship stress on top of the food and fatigue issues - I don't have any advice, but want to send you a virtual hug and say that your strategy for managing your own emotions is really impressive.

 

 

 

Thank you for the hug. And yes, the paleo and keto type people talk a lot about lectins and non-gluten celiac sensitivity. Of course, other people say it's bunk, but we'll see. Some of these contested things turn out to be true in time, and some don't. I might look into the possibility of anxiety and wheat. I know there was one case study of schizophrenia that completely resolved on a gluten free diet, which is very interesting.

 

16 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

  Hide contents

Whatever the issues going on, communication is a big part of the solution. I applaud your plans to take ownership of what you feel and communicate within those plans by ending the conversation where necessary and expressing love and support.

 

 

Thank you. Hearing you mention communication helped me today. I was hurt last night and was tempted to say nothing and just withdraw, because I didn't want *another* conversation with Mr Harriet not getting it. But You emphasised communication at the right time, and it gave me the push to talk about it this morning. It was hard, but helpful.

 

12 hours ago, KB Girl said:

You know, this is a good thing   it's very clear evidence that what you're doing has been working- even if why is a little unsure. That's great! 

 

Thank you!

 

12 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

I can't believe I missed this thread earlier!

 

  Hide contents

With regards to emotions and relationships, no one is perfect and neither are relationships. The approach you describe, of stepping away, making intentional decisions and deciding which emotions you want to own, is healthy and important. Bravo for arriving at that mental place on your own.  

 

As for what others have said, I have had the same experience Gemma described in my past. I was doing my best to make healthy decisions about my food and activity levels, and Husband who was not yet at that point in his personal journey, begun feeling very defensive about his own choices. It was very difficult for me to find the balance between supporting his right to make his own decisions about what he was eating (even though I disagreed with the decisions he made), while setting boundaries around my rights to make my different decisions, without inadvertently coming across as "oh, no you don't have to make the same decisions I make just because mine are better and wiser" even though I didn't mean to. Talking about it and putting our intentions and how we feel about them into words, was critical for us working through that part and moving into a better and healthier approach to food and drink for both of us.

 

I think you're also quite correct that Mr Harriet has a very strong emotional attachment to vegetarian and vegan diets on a personal level that's maybe not healthy. There has been a lot of talk in your threads in the past about the almost cult-like culture around these ways of eating, and I think it would be neglectful not to consider that Mr H has joined in a lot of the moral values around vegan eating. Most especially, the ones that equate your eating decisions with your moral integrity and your value as a person. He might be genuinely distressed about your constant choice to eat meat because of what that implies about your personal integrity, and if he is I'm willing to bet nearly anything that he is completely unaware of this belief of his.

 

But all of that is a moot point. You've found that eating meat reduces your anxiety and helps your energy levels. This is great and fantastic news! It might be worth asking Mr Harriet to reflect on why he choses to focus on the meat as an evil, instead of being happy for you that the meat is an effective way to manage your chronic medical condition. If you had a fatal illness, and eating meat was the only way to save your life, you two wouldn't be having this dilemma, because he loves you and he would never want you to die if it could be prevented.

 

A chronic illness is not automatically a fatal illness, of course, so it's a bit of apples to oranges. But loving someone means wanting what is best for them and it means helping them achieve it. In your case, that includes letting you eat meat without giving you grief about it. 

 

 

It's really interesting to see two of you have had a similar experience! Yeah, he's stopped commenting on the meat so much and is now just saying things like that I'm not doing that much better, or the diet is causing the acid reflux so it's not very good. Now, those might be perfectly reasonable observations to make IF we had some trust on this issue and IF I hadn't already decided that he wants the diet to fail and is just cherry picking. Last night when I said the anxiety had returned after the pannetone, he said I didn't *look* anxious, and then I murdered and ate him and now I feel fine. I thanked him for the observation and changed the topic, but unfortunately still felt angry all night and we talked about it this morning. He will not be able to be supportive, because he hates talking about diet stuff, and his "objective" observation is that I'm not doing better, and he cannot be forced to agree with me. Therefore, we have decided to put a total moratorium on diet talk, but that means I need to resist the temptation to bring it up with him, too. I will seek support from my brother, father, and nerds.

 

9 minutes ago, fearless 2.0 said:

I read here and think how brave you are. Its good that you take responsibility for how you feel and are so dedicated to your goals... just make sure you are super nice to yourself. In my experience that makes a big difference. It does not mean you leave your goals, just some super friendly self talk. It might help with mental upsets.

go you!!!!  

Thank you! I'm trying. I am also trying to recognise myself as a divine creation of nature and a reflection of the goddesses so I can unlock some love and kindness towards myself.

[KB Girl]

59 minutes ago, Harriet said:

I murdered and ate him and now I feel fine.

Can’t stop laughing about this 😅

[Salinger]

34 minutes ago, KB Girl said:

Can’t stop laughing about this 😅

 

Same....giggling like a right idiot at this bit!!!!!!

 

Love you Harriet x

[Harriet]

Friday

I did meditate and write, but I skipped lifting and did some pushups at home since I got up/got started so late. I was so anxious last night I had trouble sleeping, but it has worn off today.

[Happienumber]

6 hours ago, Harriet said:

then I murdered and ate him and now I feel fine.

 

 

6 minutes ago, Harriet said:

I was so anxious last night I had trouble sleeping, but it has worn off today.

 

😭😥 but I'm glad you're feeling better today! 

 

6 hours ago, Harriet said:

I am also trying to recognise myself as a divine creation of nature and a reflection of the goddesses so I can unlock some love and kindness towards myself.

 

You're very good at handing out this tea but it's definitely time to drink some yourself. You are worthy and precious and deserve to feel good. 

[Harriet]

9 minutes ago, Happienumber said:

You're very good at handing out this tea but it's definitely time to drink some yourself. You are worthy and precious and deserve to feel good. 

Awww sascha is such a ravenous cutie ❤️

 

Thank you for this message. I am working on it deliberately (doing meditations on it and all), but that doesn't mean it comes automatically, at an intuitive/emotional level. Not yet. So it's nice to hear the message from others, too. ❤️

[Aquarii]

On 12/30/2021 at 1:41 AM, Harriet said:

Interestingly, I did feel better (temporarily) after the panettone, so clearly I can benefit from at least some carbs for energy, though when my diet was about 40% carbs I still had the anxiety. Why? (hypothesis 1: grains cause anxiety because of celiac or non-celiac sensitivity? hypothesis 2: grains, legumes and tofu cause anxiety because of lectins or some other plant mischief hypothesis 3 excess carbs cause anxiety and the boundary of excess is more than 5% but less than 40% possibly depending on whether I'm lifting and walking much hypothesis 4 fast acting carbs cause anxiety through blood sugar instability, and rolled oats are fast acting carbs despite lies to the contrary hypothesis 5 ketones are independently helpful for anxiety regardless of whether carbs are helpful in other ways).

 

I have issues with foods I am sensitive to or foods I have not had in a long time causing anxiety spikes. Things like gluten (sensitivity), sometimes dairy (mild sensitivity?), steak (rarely eat it), fast food (rarely eat it), and greasy foods can all cause anxiety spikes for me. Once, when my sensitivity to dairy was worse and I had gone a really long time without having any of it, Starbucks used the wrong milk in my drink, and I drink maybe an inch or so out of the cup, and it nearly triggered a panic attack. So, sensitivity can definitely contribute to anxiety issues in my experience.

[Alanna]

I am impressed that you still got a workout in on an off day instead of just skipping strength training altogether. I hope the anxiety calms down as you recover from the diet perturbation.

 

I also got a laugh at the idea of adding Mr Harriet to your diet - maybe if you propose that he won't think a highly carnivorous diet is as extreme 😂. On a more serious note, I got angry on your behalf when he said you didn't look anxious - anxiety can look very different from person to person as well as over time for the same person, and you are the best judge of your internal state!!

[Scaly Freak]

10 hours ago, Harriet said:

Last night when I said the anxiety had returned after the pannetone, he said I didn't *look* anxious, and then I murdered and ate him and now I feel fine. I thanked him for the observation and changed the topic, but unfortunately still felt angry all night and we talked about it this morning.

 

What you look like is completely irrelevant. I hope your discussion this morning included and clarified his complete lack of rights to tell you if you look/are anxious or not. And that you then moved on into explaining how suggesting you are wrong when you tell him your anxiety is back is the opposite of helpful and fits the definition of gaslighting behavior.

 

10 hours ago, Harriet said:

He will not be able to be supportive, because he hates talking about diet stuff, and his "objective" observation is that I'm not doing better, and he cannot be forced to agree with me. Therefore, we have decided to put a total moratorium on diet talk, but that means I need to resist the temptation to bring it up with him, too. I will seek support from my brother, father, and nerds.

 

This is not a bad compromise at all. At this point it is beyond obvious that Mr Harriet has his own deep seated issues around diet and food choices and even though he may try he is, at this stage in his life, not capable of talking about another person's choices without allowing his own issues to get in the way. Knowing which topics to avoid is an important part of successful communication. 

 

Suggestion: Do you have to eat your meals together? If watching you eat meat triggers Mr Harriet's food issues, and triggering them causes him to say something that triggers your issues, eating in front of him seems a bit counter-productive. Why put the two of you in a situation where you spend every moment waiting for him to judge you while he spends every moment struggling with his own inner voices screaming condemnations at him? Why put yourself, and him, in this situation, when you can so very easily avoid creating unnecessary conflict by simply taking your meals in different rooms?

[Rebel Pilot Gar]

Still reading through recent thread updates. But I love your application of the scientific method in adjusting your nutrition approach.

 

Spoiler

I sympathize (emphathize?) with what you are experiencing with Mr. H. No specific advice to give (because I honestly am soaking up all the advice in this thread for navigating different health goals between partners, kinda having a version of this right now).

 

I hope you and Mr. H find balance in how you both choose to / to not discuss the food reaction experiments.

 

[Alanna]

40 minutes ago, Scaly Freak said:

Suggestion: Do you have to eat your meals together? If watching you eat meat triggers Mr Harriet's food issues, and triggering them causes him to say something that triggers your issues, eating in front of him seems a bit counter-productive.

 

On that note, have you been more stressed around meal times because of these confrontations and judgements, Harriet? Even if it's not the cause of your acid reflux, the extra stress while eating certainly wouldn't help resolve the digestive upset!