[Harriet]

Monday

I meditated, got groceries, wrote, and walked. I should be lifting today, but it was a long weekend with the shops not open, so I was outta food. Gotta lift tues/thurs/sat this week instead. I felt like I could have done a lot more than ten minutes on the writing, but that's the point; to generate positive experiences with writing instead of the hesitation and anxiety. Walking isn't currently a mandatory part of my programme because a strict requirement interferes with intuitive pacing, but I felt like a short walk was within the budget and likely to improve my wellbeing today. And so it was.

[Mad Hatter]

19 minutes ago, Harriet said:

I felt like I could have done a lot more than ten minutes on the writing, but that's the point; to generate positive experiences with writing instead of the hesitation and anxiety.

Wish I could absorb your wisdom by osmosis.  Must apply this to art.

[Silmarilliane]

Just catching up - good goals  I like your way of keeping things positive rather than just because. Something I definitely need to work on!

[Aquarii]

14 hours ago, Harriet said:

That's an excellent idea, and I will. Gonna start with just adding a piece of fruit to my breakfast, and swapping cream for whole milk in my tea, maybe a little low carb veg with my meat. Takes me from about 15 to maybe 35g.

 

It is also a good way to notice if one (or a few) particular types of carbs are more problematic than others. Adding in back a little at a time gives you a chance to see how you react to each thing individually, or if there is a certain point where carbs become more of a problem for you, like if you have a ceiling for it.

[Jupiter]

15 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Wish I could absorb your wisdom by osmosis.  

 

Same here. I need to remember this for my own writing. 

[Harriet]

20 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Wish I could absorb your wisdom by osmosis.  Must apply this to art.

 

You can absorb me! Just sit down and breathe innnnnn. We're all interconnected through the ether.

 

18 hours ago, Silmarilliane said:

Just catching up - good goals  I like your way of keeping things positive rather than just because. Something I definitely need to work on!

 

Hi and thanks! Gotta stay positive or we'll... we'll stare straight into the eyes of futility and despair.

 

5 hours ago, Aquarii said:

It is also a good way to notice if one (or a few) particular types of carbs are more problematic than others. Adding in back a little at a time gives you a chance to see how you react to each thing individually, or if there is a certain point where carbs become more of a problem for you, like if you have a ceiling for it.

 

I think so. When I changed to keto I switched so many things it was hard to figure out what was causing the heartburn. Big and small changes both have their upsides, but small changes at least mean you can trace any effects to their likely cause.

 

4 hours ago, Jupiter said:

Same here. I need to remember this for my own writing. 

 

Yes! I think it could help with the procrastination.

[Yasha92]

I was stalking but don’t think I announced myself… so…

 

Following~

[fearless 2.0]

waves hi! ❤️

 

[Scaly Freak]

8 hours ago, Harriet said:

You can absorb me!

 

So we are just going to add this to the list of Quotes Not To Be Taken Out of Context really quickly, and then move on, okay? Okay.

[Harriet]

5 hours ago, Yasha92 said:

I was stalking but don’t think I announced myself… so…

 

Following~

 

Hello hello! You are very welcome 😊

 

37 minutes ago, fearless 2.0 said:

waves hi! ❤️

 

Hi! ❤️ Bit of a wet day here, with fireworks leftovers all over the ground, all soggy.

 

3 minutes ago, Scaly Freak said:

So we are just going to add this to the list of Quotes Not To Be Taken Out of Context really quickly, and then move on, okay? Okay.

 

I could add it to my signature in its complete form so it would always arrive with context?

[Harriet]

Tues

I meditated, lifted, and wrote.

I didn't feel good about hitting the gym but lifting was easy and I felt okay immediately afterwards, though I lost energy and felt very tired later, had to sleep. Something upset my stomach and I have indigestion today. I think it's the incredible inedible chewy pork. I am not motivated to eat the last piece. I felt reluctant to start writing but it was fine. Mood is pretty chill thanks to the increasingly lengthy meditations. I think it could be a winning habit.

[Scaly Freak]

1 hour ago, Harriet said:

Something upset my stomach and I have indigestion today. I think it's the incredible inedible chewy pork. I am not motivated to eat the last piece. I felt reluctant to start writing but it was fine.

 

Life is too short for food that isn't a pleasure to eat.

[Yasha92]

Are you doing a specific meditation set? I could do with some more chill in my life 😂 

 

Sounds like you are kicking booty!

 

and I agree, pork that’s no fun AND maybe gives you indigestion… it’s a no from me dawg

[Mistr]

On 12/31/2021 at 3:42 AM, Harriet said:

Thank you for the hug. And yes, the paleo and keto type people talk a lot about lectins and non-gluten celiac sensitivity. Of course, other people say it's bunk, but we'll see. Some of these contested things turn out to be true in time, and some don't. I might look into the possibility of anxiety and wheat. I know there was one case study of schizophrenia that completely resolved on a gluten free diet, which is very interesting.

 

I heard of a similar case with schizophrenia several years ago. Not gluten-free specifically, but all the members of the family were eating the same food and seeing symptoms. That suggests a genetic susceptibility rather than a straight-up genetic cause of the mental illness.

 

It is really hard to get people to stay on an unfamiliar diet for long enough to get good study results. Add in the challenge of different genetics and lifestyle, and it is amazing we have any data at all. I think your approach of testing things yourself is the only reasonable way to go.

 

On 1/1/2022 at 4:11 AM, Harriet said:

That's interesting to know! I keep trying to find the theoretical reasons for things, but maybe I should simply prioritise experience. I feel like doctors would scoff if you told them an inch of milk made you anxious, but they don't have to live with it, do they? If we don't yet have the science, we have to figure it out for ourselves through observation.

 

A person can have an emotional reaction from just the aroma of a food. The body is very good at associating those chemical signatures with past experience. It does not mean you have consumed enough to make you sick, it means that your body remembers a previous bad response. Not to say that a small amount of a food cannot cause a physical response, that can certainly happen too. 

 

On 12/31/2021 at 3:42 AM, Harriet said:

Thank you. Hearing you mention communication helped me today. I was hurt last night and was tempted to say nothing and just withdraw, because I didn't want *another* conversation with Mr Harriet not getting it. But You emphasised communication at the right time, and it gave me the push to talk about it this morning. It was hard, but helpful.

 

It's really interesting to see two of you have had a similar experience! Yeah, he's stopped commenting on the meat so much and is now just saying things like that I'm not doing that much better, or the diet is causing the acid reflux so it's not very good. Now, those might be perfectly reasonable observations to make IF we had some trust on this issue and IF I hadn't already decided that he wants the diet to fail and is just cherry picking. Last night when I said the anxiety had returned after the pannetone, he said I didn't *look* anxious, and then I murdered and ate him and now I feel fine. I thanked him for the observation and changed the topic, but unfortunately still felt angry all night and we talked about it this morning. He will not be able to be supportive, because he hates talking about diet stuff, and his "objective" observation is that I'm not doing better, and he cannot be forced to agree with me. Therefore, we have decided to put a total moratorium on diet talk, but that means I need to resist the temptation to bring it up with him, too. I will seek support from my brother, father, and nerds.

On 1/1/2022 at 4:11 AM, Harriet said:

I told him what for. I didn't use the term gaslighting because that's a very specific judgement about his intentions, and I prefer to keep the focus on how I feel as a result of our interactions. I told him I felt very hurt, and that an opinion without information or education is in fact the expression of a wish or preference. I reminded him that I have a lot of anxiety around food (I asked him if he remembered that) and told him there is a large deficit of feelings of trust and safety around this issue. When he objected and said that he is trustworthy I reminded him I was expressing how I feel.

 

Good for you on using your communication skills in a difficult situation.

 

I have to be very careful talking about food with Dumbledore. We are at different places in our healthier lifestyle journeys. Right now we are in sync about not snacking, which is a relief. He has asked me for support before, and so I try to cook food with protein and veggies and remind him about things he has said he wants to do (or not do, like snacking in the evening). There is a ton of cultural baggage around food choices, meals and cooking. Best to avoid those traps if you can.

 

On 12/31/2021 at 3:42 AM, Harriet said:

 I'm trying. I am also trying to recognise myself as a divine creation of nature and a reflection of the goddesses so I can unlock some love and kindness towards myself.

 

You are amazing and inspiring. You deserve all the love and kindness, from yourself and all the people around you. 

 

On 1/1/2022 at 4:11 AM, Harriet said:

Right. I now regret not complaining bitterly about my anxiety every minute of every day, because apparently no one realises how bad it was.

 

 

 

On 1/1/2022 at 4:11 AM, Harriet said:

Indeed. Food is one problem, lack of attention/affection/nice time together is the other. Mr Harriet has been quite grumpy (covid depression, I think) and extremely busy--he works all day including after dinner, because he is a rather slow and thorough worker and has more work than time--and I have been feeling neglected. So giving up dinner time would exacerbate our other major problem.

 

I'll try to do other stuff with him, when he has time. He likes restaurants and movies, travel and outings, and we haven't done that much since covid.

On 1/2/2022 at 4:58 AM, Harriet said:

Alanna is right, Mr Harriet is an academic. His boss is not pressuring him directly. But he needs to finish his habilitation (like a second PhD) and mark the student works (already two months late). I have been trying for years to get him to say "no" more often to reviews and other favours that benefit other people more than they do him, but he keeps saying yes. He is, unfortunately, a slow worker. People do seem to appreciate his work--I'm saying nothing about the quality--but he just reads and writes slowly and therefore would never be able to get all his work done in a normal 40 hour week. It's lucky I'm an introvert who doesn't require much, but I do need SOMETHING and recently, during covid, the balance has tipped from enough to not enough.

 

So Mr. Harriet is stressed and is working indoors all the time. Not getting much exercise and eating too much sugar. If you heard one of us saying those things, what would you tell us?

 

Not that he will listen to reason at this point. Anything you can do to get him to walk outside will help. If the weather is miserable, walking in a museum might be an alternative.

 

The German academic system sounds just as screwed up as the US system, just in a different way. The age limit on junior professors would be illegal here. I understand that Mr. Harriet has put a huge amount of work into his career and wants to finish his project. It sound much better to say "I finished my habilitation and would like to put my skills to use in the real world" than to say "I just wanted out of academia". I know I was no fun to be around when I was trying to finish my PhD. I hope he realizes that he is asking for a lot of forbearance from you and will make amends when he is finished.

[Silmarilliane]

59 minutes ago, Yasha92 said:

Are you doing a specific meditation set? I could do with some more chill in my life 😂 

 

I could do with this info too! I always seem to be preoccupied and meditation often lets the brain weasels in...

[Scaly Freak]

3 hours ago, Mistr said:

So Mr. Harriet is stressed and is working indoors all the time. Not getting much exercise and eating too much sugar. If you heard one of us saying those things, what would you tell us?

 

I obviously can't speak for Harriet, but if you asked me, I would tell you that this is exactly what I was doing when I had my anxiety meltdown in the late spring of 2020. It was ugly.

[fearless 2.0]

how are you today?

leave that stupid pork to your cats!  

[Harriet]

17 hours ago, Yasha92 said:

Are you doing a specific meditation set? I could do with some more chill in my life 😂

 

Yeah, I decided to try insight timer premium, and am doing David Ji's forty days of transformation. But I love his free tracks, too. I just needed to commit and get some structure.

 

16 hours ago, Mistr said:

I heard of a similar case with schizophrenia several years ago. Not gluten-free specifically, but all the members of the family were eating the same food and seeing symptoms. That suggests a genetic susceptibility rather than a straight-up genetic cause of the mental illness.

 

It is really hard to get people to stay on an unfamiliar diet for long enough to get good study results. Add in the challenge of different genetics and lifestyle, and it is amazing we have any data at all. I think your approach of testing things yourself is the only reasonable way to go.

 

Thanks! It's tempting to change everything at once, and also to believe that the right combination will cure all problems... probably not though.

 

16 hours ago, Mistr said:

A person can have an emotional reaction from just the aroma of a food. The body is very good at associating those chemical signatures with past experience. It does not mean you have consumed enough to make you sick, it means that your body remembers a previous bad response. Not to say that a small amount of a food cannot cause a physical response, that can certainly happen too. 

 

Good point! I hadn't thought about conditioned emotional responses to food.

 

16 hours ago, Mistr said:

Good for you on using your communication skills in a difficult situation.

 

I have to be very careful talking about food with Dumbledore. We are at different places in our healthier lifestyle journeys. Right now we are in sync about not snacking, which is a relief. He has asked me for support before, and so I try to cook food with protein and veggies and remind him about things he has said he wants to do (or not do, like snacking in the evening). There is a ton of cultural baggage around food choices, meals and cooking. Best to avoid those traps if you can.

 

You are amazing and inspiring. You deserve all the love and kindness, from yourself and all the people around you. 

 

Thank you!

 

16 hours ago, Mistr said:

So Mr. Harriet is stressed and is working indoors all the time. Not getting much exercise and eating too much sugar. If you heard one of us saying those things, what would you tell us?

 

Get off the goddess accursed twitter machine and touch some leaves? Eat an artio blessed steak and stop poisoning yourself with edible foodlike substances?

 

16 hours ago, Mistr said:

I know I was no fun to be around when I was trying to finish my PhD. I hope he realizes that he is asking for a lot of forbearance from you and will make amends when he is finished.

 

I hope so. He's encouraging me to be more independent. Let's see if I need him for anything when this is over.

 

16 hours ago, Silmarilliane said:

I could do with this info too! I always seem to be preoccupied and meditation often lets the brain weasels in...

 

Lets them IN? It's meant to put them to sleep...

 

13 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

I obviously can't speak for Harriet, but if you asked me, I would tell you that this is exactly what I was doing when I had my anxiety meltdown in the late spring of 2020. It was ugly.

 

Species inappropriate treatment, bound to create distressed humans.

 

7 hours ago, fearless 2.0 said:

how are you today?

leave that stupid pork to your cats!  

 

I am super tired today, and have indigestion from everything. Alas. But I got my stuff done in the morning. I threw the remaining pork out, which is a pity because I hate wasting meat.

[Harriet]

Wednesday

Meditated, got groceries, walked, wrote.

I feel bad today, but I did all the things. I didn't feel like writing, but once I got started it was good (this keeps happening). Felt really tired after my food. Hopefully just a blip.

[Scaly Freak]

30 minutes ago, Harriet said:

I threw the remaining pork out, which is a pity because I hate wasting meat.

 

Being forced to throw out food, especially meat, is always a little painful. At the same time, if eating it was literally painful, then discarding the pork and moving on was the lesser of two evils.

[Mad Hatter]

On 1/4/2022 at 5:41 PM, Harriet said:

I could add it to my signature in its complete form so it would always arrive with context?

I think you should add it to your signature completely without context. 😄

 

2 hours ago, Harriet said:

I didn't feel like writing, but once I got started it was good (this keeps happening). 

💪

[Yasha92]

7 hours ago, Harriet said:

Wednesday

Meditated, got groceries, walked, wrote.

I feel bad today, but I did all the things. I didn't feel like writing, but once I got started it was good (this keeps happening). Felt really tired after my food. Hopefully just a blip.

I love that it keeps happening! Such a good outcome for a budding habit!

[Rebel Pilot Gar]

8 hours ago, Harriet said:

I didn't feel like writing, but once I got started it was good (this keeps happening).

Way to go!

 

I noticed similar feeling this morning for my daily 5 min bike. Did not want to start, but ended up being glad I did it. It’s like brain wants to rebel against the thing but once you start it’s like “oh, yeah actually this is cool.”

[Salinger]

Harriet, well done on the writing, way to go ❤️ 

 

Hope today is a better one xx

[Harriet]

11 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

I think you should add it to your signature completely without context. 😄

 

💪

 

Who can resist a little context, though?

 

7 hours ago, Yasha92 said:

I love that it keeps happening! Such a good outcome for a budding habit!

 

I know! I'm a slow learner but I hope it will eventually translate into *not* feeling unwilling to get started, but eager.

 

5 hours ago, Rebel Pilot Gar said:

Way to go!

 

I noticed similar feeling this morning for my daily 5 min bike. Did not want to start, but ended up being glad I did it. It’s like brain wants to rebel against the thing but once you start it’s like “oh, yeah actually this is cool.”

 

Yes, we have to tame the resistance monster. It sits on the surface of activities we want to start and makes them seem harder than they are.

 

2 hours ago, Salinger said:

Harriet, well done on the writing, way to go ❤️ 

 

Hope today is a better one xx

 

Thanks, Sal! A beautiful day to you, too ❤️