[Defining]

11 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

Today sucked. I couldn’t concentrate on anything and I finished work really late and I’m still so so tired.

[Mad Hatter]

On 1/18/2022 at 9:24 PM, Defining said:

 

Today was a little more chill but my concentration bar is still tapped out. 
 

Also a wall hurt my my pinky. There I was, minding my own business and suddenly a wall squished it and now it’s all swollen and painful. And now I can’t go climbing tomorrow.
 

But I still have this time blocked out in my work calendar so I’m going to try and not get distracted and use it for something fun.

 

Sorry guys about the boring ass negative updates….

[Epsilonte]

Hope your pinky feels better soon. Might wanna check if it's fractured... 

Dumb killer walls out of nowhere...

 

But good to keep that time open!! There are plenty of fun things to do where you don't need a working pinky.

[Scaly Freak]

34 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

Sorry guys about the boring ass negative updates….

 

Reminder that the entire purpose of your thread, and of your updates, is not to be a bright spot of entertainment in someone else's boring day.

 

I hope you finger heals quickly. Those wall ambushes can be nasty...!

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

12 minutes ago, Scaly Freak said:

 

Reminder that the entire purpose of your thread, and of your updates, is not to be a bright spot of entertainment in someone else's boring day.

[KB Girl]

Also rogue walls aren’t boring  

did you do something fun?

 

I don’t want to go back and quote, but I do want to mention the tidy flat! Crazy what a consistent couple of minutes can do huh.

[Mad Hatter]

22 hours ago, Epsilonte said:

Hope your pinky feels better soon. Might wanna check if it's fractured... 

Dumb killer walls out of nowhere...

 

But good to keep that time open!! There are plenty of fun things to do where you don't need a working pinky.

Can you even do anything about pinky fractures? Either way it’s fine, still a bit swollen but I can move it so I’m not concerned.

 

So rude.

 
True, the only thing I use my pinky for is the shift key and as phone support (which incidentally I should stop doing)
 

22 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

Reminder that the entire purpose of your thread, and of your updates, is not to be a bright spot of entertainment in someone else's boring day.

 

I hope you finger heals quickly. Those wall ambushes can be nasty...!

I know I know, I just feeeeel both bored and boring and I hate it.

 

I swear it came out of nowhere!
 

22 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

 

@Scaly Freak is the smart one.
 

10 hours ago, KB Girl said:

Also rogue walls aren’t boring  

did you do something fun?

 

I don’t want to go back and quote, but I do want to mention the tidy flat! Crazy what a consistent couple of minutes can do huh.

No. I had a super grumpy day. I didn’t sleep that well - first I couldn’t fall asleep and then a spider crawled onto my phone (yes yes I know I shouldn’t have been on my phone) and I had to move it, but I lost it on the way. Spiders are fine but I don’t exactly want to share bed with them and I had to go hunting for it which woke me up even more. In the morning I discovered I had run out of coffee, which forced me outside after two days cooped up in the flat. I hated it. It was miserable, slushy slippery icy snow where every step is treacherous. I did take it very easy at work, but I was still sad about not climbing and life in general. Really hope I’ll snap out of this mood soon!

[Elastigirl]

23 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

It was miserable, slushy slippery icy snow where every step is treacherous. I did take it very easy at work, but I was still sad about no

That's the worst kind. Hoping you get some sunshine and cheer soon

[KB Girl]

Maybe you need some hugs? Are there some available? 

Sorry I'm half joking but also very serious. 

[Scaly Freak]

5 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

In the morning I discovered I had run out of coffee, which forced me outside after two days cooped up in the flat. I hated it. It was miserable, slushy slippery icy snow where every step is treacherous. I did take it very easy at work, but I was still sad about not climbing and life in general. Really hope I’ll snap out of this mood soon!

 

Mornings without coffee are miserable even under the best circumstances.

 

[Yasha92]

Coffee is a requirement of functioning. Hope your mood is on the upswing again soon and that finger gets better soon.

[Epsilonte]

23 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Can you even do anything about pinky fractures? Either way it’s fine, still a bit swollen but I can move it so I’m not concerned.

Taping it together with the ring finger maybe? xD But a bit swollen and able to move sounds good, it seems to be healing  

[tei_]

oh no, pinky injury seems like the kind of thing that is much more annoying and present in everyday life than it sounds. Bad wall. 

[Harriet]

On 1/20/2022 at 8:57 PM, Mad Hatter said:

No. I had a super grumpy day. I didn’t sleep that well - first I couldn’t fall asleep and then a spider crawled onto my phone (yes yes I know I shouldn’t have been on my phone) and I had to move it, but I lost it on the way. Spiders are fine but I don’t exactly want to share bed with them and I had to go hunting for it which woke me up even more. In the morning I discovered I had run out of coffee, which forced me outside after two days cooped up in the flat. I hated it. It was miserable, slushy slippery icy snow where every step is treacherous. I did take it very easy at work, but I was still sad about not climbing and life in general. Really hope I’ll snap out of this mood soon!

 

Having spiders instead of coffee sounds terrible. I hope things look better today.

I'm thinking of doing figuary again. You said you don't want to paint humans. Maybe you could paint figs. For every day of February. Or figlets (small furry pigs).

[Alanna]

2 hours ago, Harriet said:

I'm thinking of doing figuary again. You said you don't want to paint humans. Maybe you could paint figs. For every day of February. Or figlets (small furry pigs).

 

Or very decorate numbers?

 

 

Sorry this week has sucked and that your pinky has scuppered your plans. Remember you don't have to change everything at once - you're not disappearing and your flat has improved, which is a start! Let us know if you need a hug or a kick up the butt (or both).

 

[Mad Hatter]

 

On 1/22/2022 at 9:12 PM, Alanna said:

Sorry this week has sucked and that your pinky has scuppered your plans. Remember you don't have to change everything at once - you're not disappearing and your flat has improved, which is a start! Let us know if you need a hug or a kick up the butt (or both).

Oops I did disappear.  I need a new brain, got one of those lying around?

 

On 1/20/2022 at 10:43 PM, KB Girl said:

Maybe you need some hugs? Are there some available? 

Sorry I'm half joking but also very serious. 

In theory yes, in practice, well I'll elaborate in a bit.

 

On 1/22/2022 at 6:50 PM, Harriet said:

I'm thinking of doing figuary again. You said you don't want to paint humans. Maybe you could paint figs. For every day of February. Or figlets (small furry pigs).

It seems there won't be a figuary this year... But I do like figlets.

[Alanna]

1 hour ago, Mad Hatter said:

Oops I did disappear.  I need a new brain, got one of those lying around?

 

 

But you are back! (And before the end of the challenge!)

 

[Epsilonte]

[Mad Hatter]

So. I disappeared. Last Friday I had a bit of a brain meltdown and I didn't want to admit to it. Then work happened. Now I've swept it under the rug processed it for a few days and had a good night's sleep so we're all good. 

 

Mental health stuff (just please don't tell me to go see someone)

Spoiler

Still struggling with writing it out because in retrospect it seems almost silly. I don't have the right words. Basically I had another episode of I don't know what to call it except extreme boredom. Boredom + not being able to concentrate on anything for more than 30 seconds and hopping from thing to thing + trying to fight my more destructive ideas => extreme overwhelm and fear of doing something really stupid. It's like my brain was on fire. It got so intense I very nearly reached out to my neighbor friend, but in the end I noped out of it. While I've gotten more comfortable talking about brain stuff over the years, that level of vulnerability is apparently still a big NOPE. *shudder* The part that made this episode so uncomfortable though is that part of me wants to lean in to the crazy. Because at least it wouldn't be boring. But I also realize it's a hella slippery slope.

On Saturday I played games with friends and while I was still very... chaotic at least it was positive. I'm very grateful to have non-judgy friends!  Since then it's been stable ish except on Thursday when I accidentally picked a fight at work, and also went into zero-filter rant mode with someone else. Which to be fair is not much different from my regular low-filter rant modes, except that I can't remember what I said afterwards.  But overall WE'RE GOOD, nothing to worry about here!

 

The thing that does worry me more on a daily basis is my eating, which is going from bad to worse. So I've had on-off issues with eating since forever (of the bingeing variety) which I now at least understand and in theory know how to deal with (mainly it boils down to eating enough food). But now there's another layer of me hating everything about the eating process. The deciding what to eat, the shopping, the cooking, the cleaning up, even the eating itself. I'm having mini meltdowns multiple times a week because of it and, ahem, caffeinating to suppress my appetite. I thought I'd never, ever say this, but I wish I could take a food pill and call it a day. I still try to eat one food like meal a day, but even that is a struggle. I don't know what to do.

 

Good things:

 

Seeing friends!

My flat is still cleanish, which is truly mindblowing. The few minutes a few times a day really help in preventing the avalanches.

I've been pretty active! Done Vitamin maybe 4-5 times, been climbing twice and skated a few times (not including the times I've been doing manuals under my desk to stay focused in meetings. )

[Alanna]

1 hour ago, Mad Hatter said:

Seeing friends!

My flat is still cleanish, which is truly mindblowing. The few minutes a few times a day really help in preventing the avalanches.

I've been pretty active! Done Vitamin maybe 4-5 times, been climbing twice and skated a few times (not including the times I've been doing manuals under my desk to stay focused in meetings. )

 

That's great progress! How are you liking Vitamins so far?

 

1 hour ago, Mad Hatter said:

Seeing friends!

My flat is still cleanish, which is truly mindblowing. The few minutes a few times a day really help in preventing the avalanches.

I've been pretty active! Done Vitamin maybe 4-5 times, been climbing twice and skated a few times (not including the times I've been doing manuals under my desk to stay focused in meetings. )

 

I won't tell you to talk to a mental health professional, but can I ask why you don't want to see someone? (as that could maybe help us figure out some alternatives)

 

Spoiler

1 hour ago, Mad Hatter said:

Basically I had another episode of I don't know what to call it except extreme boredom. Boredom + not being able to concentrate on anything for more than 30 seconds and hopping from thing to thing + trying to fight my more destructive ideas => extreme overwhelm and fear of doing something really stupid.

Could you call it impulsiveness? Compulsiveness? It sounds really scary, whatever it is  . I hope you can find a solution for it and the food issues. Happy to help brainstorm ideas for making meals easier, but that's more of a coping strategy than a solution.

 

 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Sounds like burnout to me.

[Harriet]

3 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Mental health stuff (just please don't tell me to go see someone)

 

Never see anyone. Except for typhus or an amputated hand. Just wear an extra vest and you'll be right as rain.

But seriously, I'm sorry about the brain and food struggles. I don't know what the cause is, but I know it's not your fault. I hope you find some solutions soon. As for easy food... I can heartily recommend my regime. Lunchmeat with sauerkraut and melted cheddar for breakfast. Steak or braise with salt and nothing else for lunch. Coconut or cow yoghurt with nut butter for dinner. Free grazing upon chocolate and coconut oil, multiple teas with cream. I also struggle to eat without distractions, so I internet while eating. Sue me.

[KB Girl]

What are you eating besides your one food like meal a day? 
Would it be an option to reach out to your neighbour friend now that you’re doing better? Maybe you could dip your toe into broaching the subject now that you’ve got more filters in place (I’m guessing). Or alternatively get a couple hugs. Is your neighbour friend the hugging type of friend? It’s good for brain health, maybe it also helps with fire damage. 

I think it’s pretty cool you’re being vulnerable on here. Wish I could reward and positively reinforce with some hugs. 

[Epsilonte]

Spoiler

If you don't mind eating the same thing over and over: maybe try making one meal plan to rule them all?  For a whole week, so you have the same thing each Monday etc. Makes shopping easy since you just have to get the same things each week and be done with it. Make it as little time (and brain) consuming as possible. All that thinking about what to eat can be really taxing (I'm totally there with you. I almost only eat real food if someone else cooks it for me and basically puts the plate in front of my nose while I'm working/studying etc).

 

Also how was your food intake in Spain? Tank might be onto something with his burnout suggestion there... 

Food thoughts.

[sarakingdom]

Spoiler

Burnout is a poorly explored thing, and it was pretty rife even before a pandemic messed with our heads for two years. There may well be other stuff mixed in, cuz some of that I recognize from bad ADHD days, but I think Tank is spot on with the burnout. I had a lot of burnout low-moodery that looked like your food issues.

 

I think the first thing that helps is this: you're not alone in having some bad pandemic burnout. Whether it's triggering old issues or causing new ones, a ton of people are there with you. This is a known problem, and it is widespread, and it's not abnormal after the extra demands of the past few years.

 

One thing that helped me was treating more of my moods like a tiredness sign. I didn't feel tired. I often felt restless and eager to Get Something Done, but blocked mentally. But frequently as soon as I managed to get my body to relax (not always trivial), I was asleep. And woke up with more mental resources. So it may be useful to experiment with looking at some of these things as "I am out of mental resources and must refresh them" signs, and go for the nap. Worst case, no harm done, because sleep is good for us.

 

The food thing is hard. I cannot say I adequately solved it for my personal needs. However, I have read that European civilization is built on ham and cheese for winter protein preservation. Cheese and crackers is a fully acceptable meal. If your grocery list consists of cheese and crackers for a while, that's fine. If you manage to get it up to cheese, ham, crackers, pickles, bread, butter, coffee, and cream without screaming about the complexity, you are way ahead of the curve. Your ancestors lived for months on that shit, and you can, too. No decisions, no food prep unless you wanna get fancy and toast the bread. Eating... yeah, sorry. But you can also drink a lot of cream-heavy coffee. Sometimes watching cooking shows makes eating better, just via peer pressure.

 

Human contact is good, no doubt, but I do not underestimate how tricky this is for people who live alone, especially in physically reserved cultures. But if you can work in friend-seeing more times a week, no bad thing. Those of us who live alone got a little extra unmoored by lockdowns, and probably need a little more Vitamin People.