Bravery. Humility. Living in reality.

[Emissary2Ornj]

I'm really glad all this isn't mutually exclusive, and I agree, it doesn't make sense initially. But I'm proving the contradiction: as I let go of the need to achieve and perform, I feel more free to grow - to explore my limits and challenge them.

I wonder if it's the difference between forcing something and letting it happen naturally. Foot binding is an extreme analogy I think of: damage and harm and pressure to achieve an ideal that is basically just an opinion agreed upon by a group of people. The alternative is letting the foot grow naturally and being okay with how it turns out, preserving optimal function in the process (which is really the primary purpose of a foot anyway: support and mobility, not decoration). I think child development is the same.

 

As an adult, I feel very delayed but also really excited that given the right circumstances, it seems my brain still can develop in healthy ways. I don't feel in control of the process but I think I can control some things supporting it. Like you, I know these healthy concepts are probably true, but I don't always know the dial or switch to actually believe them. My best practice is to get aware of the unhealthy patterns that are based in falsehood and keep reminding myself that the thought patterns aren't in control of my actions; I am. 

On 4/9/2022 at 7:06 PM, Gemma said:

And yet. 

Yes. And yet. This  feels like a very slow-going uphill slog. 

 

On 4/9/2022 at 7:06 PM, Gemma said:

I'd love to hear updates on how the bullet journaling is working for you.

Are you sure? 😆🤓 I nerd out on this topic, too. Tl;dr: mine is mostly functional, geometric, a research tool, and a constant experiment. I really enjoy setting it up and using it. 

 

I've dabbled in it before, so I was familiar with the concept. Committing to an actual portable-sized (A5) dot grid and not just using a notebook I already had made it much more enjoyable.

 

I'm testing several things. It has 3 main purposes: data collection, life record, and creative outlet. My most-of-the-time style is heavily functional: open space/single lines vs enclosed boxes, one subtle color each month, and simple art (geometry or lines, so far). All of that is subject to change with my whims and needs, because it is whatever you want it to be, like you say. 

 

I like setting up  spreads so much that I bought a cheap dot grid refill just to doodle in. Otherwise I would set up several months in advance for the pleasure of drawing, and my future needs or tastes might change. 

 

I'm currently experimenting with a rolling weekly, adding daily logs as I go, so each day has exactly the space it needs but not more. 

 

I also have a few collections that serve as reminders related to self-growth stuff - communication/attitude with husband, a page of life values. 

 

The only achievement/productivity thing I want to attempt with the journal is a housecleaning schedule. I'm semi-wanting more structure in that area instead of winging it. Still in planning stages with that. 

 

Of course I've enjoyed the YT & IG inspiration channels, and am at peace with my own brand of imperfect aesthetic. I thought about posting all my awkward spreads to combat the curated perfection IG serves up. But my journal's purpose isn't really to be seen. 

[Gemma]

20 hours ago, Emissary2Ornj said:

Are you sure? 😆🤓 I nerd out on this topic, too. 

 

 Committing to an actual portable-sized (A5) dot grid and not just using a notebook I already had made it much more enjoyable.

 

 LOL - the A5 dot grid is one of the (several) things I nerd out about. I'm a fountain pen nerd, so paper quality is as important as functional features (bookmarks, pocket, etc.  I tried a lot before I found one I like. I also experiment with layouts - this year I tried a new combination of future log and monthly but I don't like it so next year I'll try something else. I only have a few collections but it took me a few years to figure out which ones are important to me. Mine is also highly functional, I doodle wherever I feel like it, and it isn't really meant for IG or YT -it's for keeping me on track with whatever today's delta/most important task is and capturing thoughts quickly before they ghost me  

[Emissary2Ornj]

Quick update - I'm tired! We're on our big springtime trip west with the camper, headed out to my summer mountain job. This is the plan, anyway. Not there yet. Husband drives, I support. Today was dealing with typical I-80 winds. Yay for parallel, smaller, slower non-interstate roads instead. 

I'm rambling - the point is, no workouts are happening. I try to get a decent walk in at the close of every travel day. Too tired this evening but I spent some time outside, at least. Appreciating my mobility/warm up routine some days, and various stretches when we make rest stops. 
Fighting wind is no fun. 
G'night. 

[Emissary2Ornj]

Felt really good to get a mobility session in last night. Hopefully today is our last long haul. 

[Chesire]

I hope you made it safely westward.

[Emissary2Ornj]

On 4/22/2022 at 6:57 AM, Chesire said:

 

I hope you made it safely westward.

 

We did! Thank you. 
 

It's still snowy here, but I finally got to work out. First time outside, though I did most of my warmup in the camper. Ground was still mostly frozen, and that was interesting for my knees. Also very uneven, which added a new element. 
 

Briefly:
Mobility warmup, A-frame to squat and Calf raises, then 2 loose circuits which had some Bear walk, hollow body hold, L-sit practice, Frogger, and Monkey. I didn't time anything except the 2 hollow body holds (1m, 45s). Didn't want to spend time taking my gloves off to record times or notes. 

[Chesire]

7 hours ago, Emissary2Ornj said:

Didn't want to spend time taking my gloves off to record times or notes. 

💯 Like doing my winter running!  I need to keep my phone buried under all the layers so I am not opening up my coat to get to it! 

 

Are you in another picture-worthy location?

[Emissary2Ornj]

2 hours ago, Chesire said:

Are you in another picture-worthy location?

Yes! In a caldera, so surrounding mountains are nearby, but there's wide open spaces and plenty of sky. ~6500ft elevation. 

[chibi-nerd]

12 hours ago, Emissary2Ornj said:

Yes! In a caldera, so surrounding mountains are nearby, but there's wide open spaces and plenty of sky. ~6500ft elevation. 

Fantastic! Do we get to see??

[Emissary2Ornj]

17 hours ago, chibi-nerd said:

Do we get to see??

No promises, but maybe 😄

[Gemma]

On 4/25/2022 at 9:58 AM, Emissary2Ornj said:

Yes! In a caldera, so surrounding mountains are nearby, but there's wide open spaces and plenty of sky. ~6500ft elevation. 

 

I'm not jealous at all 😜

 

I moved from very high mountains to flat flat flatlands a loooong time ago. I don't miss ice and snow that much, but I do miss the mountains in spring and summer. Enjoy! 

 

 

[Emissary2Ornj]

4 hours ago, Gemma said:

Enjoy! 

Thank you! Summer mountain climate was the initial appeal to the area (lovely low humidity, and relatively moderate high temperatures). 
 

Unfortunately, we've watched the village change over the past few summers. Tourist numbers are increasing, more big investors are moving in instead of private mom & pop type businesses, and increasing short-term rentals. Those all have positive/negative aspects to them, and I'm not invested enough in the area to argue one way or another. (Of course I have my opinions!) But the atmosphere/culture  is definitely changing, from our perspective, and I would say something is certainly being lost, even if it's intangible. 

 

We love all the mountains, too! Our favorites are the Appalachians, though. We consider them to be our home, even though we haven't settled there yet.

[Emissary2Ornj]

1 mini-workout this week plus 1 session of the mobility routine I like (basically my warmup for workouts). Also a good amount of incidental work: carrying water jugs and firewood, loading the truck b/c we moved camp, digging, lots of walking. Really enjoyed all the activity.

So the plan is to start work Monday. I'm supposed to start out w/ 40 hr workweeks, hopefully increasing as the tourist season gets busier. There are some things I've been thinking about which I'd like to see happen:

• Clean something in the camper every morning before work.
• Deal with an interpersonal situation Monday (requires 20SofC).
• Do mobility routine every evening.
• Maintain a quality fuel system most of the time while working:
• Mix up protein powder and water most mornings and drink it or take with me.
• Batch cook quinoa/rice as often as needed and put in work freezer.
• Either batch cook a protein and do the same, or take cooked protein every day.
• Take some bags of frozen veggies and stash in work freezer.
• Make a few sauces or batch mix some of my fave Thai satay-style sauce, and take some to work every day or stash in the cooler.
• Every day, nuke and eat a lunch assembled from stashed freezer goodies.
• Reboot and maintain a couple self-care habits I like.
• RELAX. Be aware of but not slave to the performer/achiever brain, and be way okay with good enough and my own approval and standards.

 

These aren't hard and fast. These are experiments to see what works. I don't think I'm going to be offering any checklists here. I don't even know if I'll report back on how it went. I have to be really careful with stuff like this, and stay aware of when to establish the structure regardless of what it triggers, and when to back off. I'm looking forward to the physical labor, and the opportunity to prove in the real-world the strength, flexibility, and mobility I've gained and maintained this past winter.

[Chesire]

On 5/7/2022 at 3:24 PM, Emissary2Ornj said:

These aren't hard and fast. These are experiments to see what works.

This is perfect.

 

I hope work goes well and that your 20SoC worked out

[Emissary2Ornj]

On 5/10/2022 at 6:59 PM, Chesire said:

 

I hope work goes well and that your 20SoC worked out

Thank you! 

 

Tl;dr: Plan's working well and middling-well, gains, warmer/drier weather will help, mountain weather: if you don't like it just wait 5 minutes, picture!, animals, just gonna keep settling in and adapting. 

 

 

First day off update: My loose goals are working out. I would say the lunch plan and the interpersonal thingy have been the most successful. Obviously, "success" with the interpersonal issue means I spoke up about an undesired behavior and set a boundary as clearly as I could. Reality is I have no control over whether the behavior actually stops. It feels like unfinished business, but I have done what I could, and now my job is to coach my brain: I am safe, I have the resources to deal with whatever happens next as it happens, and I can live free of fear and obsession over whether it happens again. 🙄 Brains! Especially ones shaped by trauma.

 

I do notice gains - I think all the calf raises and foot/ankle work paid off. The stairs are easier to climb this year, and I have way more range of motion in my feet and ankles on the descent. More confident balance and posture, too - I feel upright and stable on the way down, instead of feeling like I'm about to fall forward and have to lean back. That will all come in very handy as we get busier.

 

I was 1/2 successful with the other routines. Got something cleaned that's been bugging me for a while, which was a win.

 

Also, the weather is very much a factor here. I'm really looking forward to warmth and less mud. Apparently they had a really nice warm-up in the weeks before we got here. Then it snowed about two feet, mostly melted, and we've had snow or some other form of wintry mix just about every week since. People are Fed. Up., I can tell you. We've still had some brilliantly sunny days, which is lovely:

And the moose, raptors, and pronghorn have all made appearances. Gophers are near-constant entertainment. Pelicans, gulls, sandhill cranes, and owls add to the mix. Never boring!

 

This week was a refresher on store systems, and relearning/configuring my stocking routine. Also learning new-to-me coworkers' work styles and adjusting.

 

So, plan: stay with it, settle in, adapt when needed, and wait for the hordes to descend. (Won't be long. Advance scouts are already moving  in.) 

[Emissary2Ornj]

Work out day! Dry enough to unroll my mat on the forest floor and work on a new routine. 
 

Warm up: I've pared this down, keeping what I felt was essential to the workout.

Wrist circles 

Finger stretch: backwards facing, palms down 

Wrist stretch: backwards facing, palm down 

Wrist stretch: backwards facing, palm up 

Elbow rotations 

Quadruped scapular shrugs 

Quadruped shoulder rotations 

Quadruped spinal circles 
Frog stretch 
Quads stretch: lunge to hamstring/calves stretch 

Toe/ankle lifts, side to sides, & rolls 

Heel rolls 

 

Skills practice:

L-sit, hands on ground, knees bent, toes pointed 

Front and back scales 

Deep squat roll back and forward (pistol squat progression)

Step back lunge (shrimp squat progression)

 

2x circuits:

Bear to Monkey to kneeling pushups 

 

Thoughts

L-sit: Have gained pushing strength since I first attempted this last fall. Holding four time, concentrating on wrist to shoulder alignment and chest up. 

Couldn't roll up into the squat while holding onto ankles. Will add an A-frame to squat to the Warmup. Also might find more level ground. I think I'll work on shrimp squats exclusively for a while, instead.  

Locomotion is so different on uneven ground! More challenging for my wrists. 

In general: so good to get a workout in, and prove I can work a shorter amount of time but still accomplish something. Also good to know that workouts can fit into my work schedule, and aren't too much activity on top of working. 

I plan to switch a few things that out each week. 

 

Planning to get a mobility session in most evenings. Maybe it will combat some of the stiffness and soreness from work. 

 

The lunar eclipse was worth staying outside for. 

[Emissary2Ornj]

Adaptation:

It looks like, realistically, I can do a mobility/stretching session at least once on days I work. If I get to do two (AM & PM) that is superb. More of our seasonal workers came back this week, and I noticed not being as physically tired as the 3 weeks prior. Possibilities: my body's adapting to the workload (yay!), or I didn't have to work nearly as hard by myself versus having 3 or 4 other people there helping (also yay!). Either way, I'll take it.

 

Nerdiness:

Having such a physically active job keeps me wondering about recovery. I wondered about this last year, too. I'm working really hard physically: lifting, carrying, up and down ladders, up and down stairs, pushing things over my head, getting down on my knees and back up, walking. I know I'm pushing my body most days. If I had a personal coach (from what I understand), they'd probably be scheduling active recovery/rest days in between scheduled workouts - which, in turn, would be scaled to a periodization model of some sort, and have built in scalability based on how I felt on a given day. But that's not how a job works. I'm guessing, here that my body will adapt. I know from previous years and jobs that I definitely gained strength just by working. I'm also guessing that it might not be the most efficient gains, given I'm working every day but 2 out of 7. My days off are consecutive, too - which I LOVE and don't plan on asking to be different.

I think there are 3 Big Deal things I can do to maximize recovery:

1. Eat quality food most of the time. This one's pretty much in the bag. I leave batches of rice or quinoa, a protein, and sauce/a flavoring at work. I also keep broccoli and kale in the work freezer. That's lunches done. Larabars serve as extra work snacks. Most mornings, I eat a couple steam-fried eggs, 2 sausage links, ~1/2 a sweet potato, with a scoop of vitamin veggie powder mixed in. Supper is leftovers from whatever the husband has cooked through the week. I was surprised at how hard the cravings hit every so often, though - I guess I haven't been around all the lab-engineered and cleverly-marketed/-packaged products for so long that I was extra susceptible? I mean, we shopped, but I wasn't around the stuff for hours. Weird. I indulge occasionally and that's cool. Ha - this weekend I totally actually bought junk food. I think that was some hormones kicking in. I'm enjoying the junk food, but looking forward to all the yummy veggies and meat and quinoa, too.
2. Get at least one mobility/stretch session in a day. This is harder than it sounds. Up until this week, I'd usually come home so tired and over-stimulated it was all I could do to sit on the couch for 15 minutes just winding down, then get a bite of supper then get ready for bed. And mornings were the same - I'd be rested from the night but only really feel like getting ready for work. But! Warmer, drier weather has (tentatively) arrived and I'm much more apt to roll out my mat outside in these temps. I've done it inside a few times too, and I'm always glad I do. I'm not upset if I don't get it done, but I think it will help me out this summer if I do. And if I know the benefits, I'm more likely to do it.
3. SLEEP. WELL. This is about 80% of where I'd like it to be. If I'm tired enough, I can get to sleep fairly easily. If I'm tired enough, I'll stay asleep until 5:30 or so. Occasionally I'll wake up around 2 or maybe 4:30 then go back to sleep. If I'm tired enough, I can fall asleep without reading something. If my mind is working too hard or my brain gets going down a rabbit hole that stirs up all the emotions, I will practice conscious avoidance by giving it something else to do. Usually that's reading featured or unusual Wikipedia articles until I fall asleep. I really like the knowledge that my body and brain know how to go to sleep without any help - I was born knowing that! And giving the brain "something to do" is the opposite of rest. But this is okay for now, until I figure out the rest of it.

Workout:

I like to add a little extra (if I feel up to it) to the mobility/stretching routine. This usually only happens on Sunday or Friday AMs (1st day of work and 1st day off, respectively).So maybe three times total since we've got up here? Extras include:

1. some locomotion (Bear, Monkey, or Frogger)
2. L-Sit practice (bent knees, toes on ground, able to push off ground a few inches now)
3. Good ol' A-frame to squat just to keep up the motion
4. Some Front-loaded Bent-arm work while in A-frame
5. Front & Back scales if I remember

It's pretty informal and I'm not really pushing myself. Just trying to maintain mobility and work on a couple newer things to keep it interesting.

 

[Chesire]

Oh, man.  It's all well and good to say you need recovery days but when your exercise(work) is something you have to do it's almost impossible.  Sounds like you have a good plan for survival though.

[Chesire]

How are you holding up?

[Emissary2Ornj]

On 6/16/2022 at 11:25 AM, Chesire said:

How are you holding up?

 

,

they said.

 

So I drank: persistently, defiantly, even when it changed color🤦‍♀️ after the extremely wet spring we had, knowing it tested bad last summer 🤦‍♀️, knowing the employers supply plentiful free bottled water for the employees 🤦‍♀️, thinking I was somehow special and would dodge any water-borne ick by virtue of... sheer stubbornness? 🤦‍♀️ plain idiocy? 🤦‍♀️ I don't even know what - I drank.

 

The last few days I am gratefully drinking bottled water & Pedialyte, am missing 2 1/2 days of work and we'll see about more after today's rest, finally starting to eat solid foods and add a little fiber again, and have brought more awareness to one particular set of muscles than anybody ever should have to.

 

I can't say for certain that's what did it, or pinpoint exact organisms w/out testing (which wouldn't change my treatment, so I'm not bothering), but all signs point to that. Now the focus is hydrating, resting, managing pain, and metaphorically eating humble pie. I'm actually not beating myself up badly; but definitely rueful and accepting responsibility for my choices. Yes,  I was told the store had several negative test results since last summer and that one of the managers drinks the water without problem - but that doesn't excuse my persistence in ignoring the evidence before my eyes. It's a good growing-up experience, mentally - an opportunity to explore that tendency toward defiance and stubbornness (protective? independent?). Physically, it's a Big Fat "Let's do everything within our power to make sure we never do this again, okay, sweetheart?"

 

I also think this episode is slowing me down, letting me relax a little bit of the tension I was carrying, the unnecessary responsibility I was bearing in my job and as a wage-earner for our household. I'm not as important as I was stressed out about being, if that makes sense. I'm not the One keeping it all together, I'm not the One in ultimate charge. Kind of nice to surrender into that reality. I think work will more enjoyable with that mindset, too.

 

Shout out to anybody dealing with chronic lower GI stuff. I'm sorry.

[Chesire]

oh.  my.  I hope you mend quickly

[Emissary2Ornj]

Feeling SO much better. Such a relief! I'm at like 95% strength, and 85-90% stamina. I believe it'll come, especially since I'm eating normal food again.

 

Hopefully I'll be able to get back into the regular work schedule this coming week. I worked a few hours on my off day yesterday to recoup some missed time. Crashed really hard yesterday evening - napped for ~2 hours then slept really hard through the night. Resting today, per usual, and hopefully the restorative trend continues.

 

Being afraid of the food you eat - what it might do to you - is just horrible. So glad to be past that.

[Alanna]

Your summer (?) home looks beautiful! I agree that your approach to maximising recovery looks good, too. 

 

Sorry to hear that you got taken down by suspect water - I'm glad you're mostly feeling better now.

[Chesire]

Still hanging in there?

[Emissary2Ornj]

On 7/9/2022 at 2:15 PM, Alanna said:

Your summer (?) home looks beautiful! I agree that your approach to maximising recovery looks good, too. 

 

Sorry to hear that you got taken down by suspect water - I'm glad you're mostly feeling better now.

It is! We've moved camp a couple times since, but it's still pretty. Definitely appreciating the weather, especially given the extreme heat most of the rest of the country's gone through.

 

2 hours ago, Chesire said:

Still hanging in there?

Yes! Mostly. So grateful for days off. The store has been very busy; didn't slow down much after the 4th and this weekend is a big holiday for the Mormons. It seems like Utah invades Idaho for a couple months every summer. Feeling good physically. I get a mobility routine in once or twice a week. Maaaaybe we'll slow down in the next couple weeks?