Bravery. Humility. Living in reality.

[Emissary2Ornj]

I have been doing some serious work lately. No formal workouts. I'm still ruminating on all that. I think the floor locomotions are really helpful in maintaining mobility and providing ways to stretch. This evening, locomotions really sounded good, so I prepped a bit and slid right into Bear, Frogger, and Crab. Even got a couple reps of Basic Monkey in. Stretched afterward. Didn't time myself, didn't plan the movements. Felt really good to move joints in ranges of motion they don't get at work. Bear felt the best; A-frame is an aMAZing stretch. 

 

Front hip flexors seem consistently tight; I'm up and down ladders a lot. Hoping to gain even more strength in my shoulders and back; I could use it when moving milk crates around. Stocking milk is actually a cardio workout for me. 
 

I still need to learn to pace myself at work.  Reality is that I have a job to do, not a job to realistically get done (thanks to my husband for that wisdom). While I need to work steadily, I don't need to be tense and  rushed in every movement. Opportunity for discipline and attention practice!

[Emissary2Ornj]

No formal workouts to report.
 

Had a really good week at work. Inventory is next week. I'm so new I don't even know what that means, but I worked an extra day to help get ready for it. 😄There's still lots to be done. 

There is way more work than  any one person can handle, but that's just the way it is. There are some visiting crews from other stores to help with prep, and I was able to pick the brain of one of the visiting managers. He probably spent 15 minutes with me, which is more than my managers are able to do. (That's not a dig at them; it's the reality of their responsibilities versus time to  accomplish them.) I've learned a lot already, but I'm really impatient to get a top-down  understanding of the processes the company employs. His input helped with that. 
 

I am surprised at and love the fact this job is mentally stimulating and seems such a good fit. I hope it stays that way.
 

I am still figuring out how to be energized enough when I get home to accomplish some things. I have faith in the housecleaning schedule, but it's going to have to be scaled down. Husband always steps up bigtime when I'm working, so there are some major things I don't have to think about. He's kind of maxed out, and I don't want him overburdened. Therefore I need to:

- Prioritize my current list of house maintenance tasks 
- List any other activities I'd like to accomplish routinely and prioritize them
- List ideas to clean up my sleep habit 
- List things I'm already doing that are working 

- Brainstorm ideas for upping my energy after work

 

I welcome any tips for getting things done after work when you're already tired. 

 

[Emissary2Ornj]

On 3/18/2023 at 5:50 PM, Emissary2Ornj said:

Therefore I need to:

- Prioritize my current list of house maintenance tasks 
- List any other activities I'd like to accomplish routinely and prioritize them
- List ideas to clean up my sleep habit 
- List things I'm already doing that are working 

- Brainstorm ideas for upping my energy after work

 

Midweek Elements Frogger Stall & Swing Set 36 min

Prep: Standing straight leg hip circles, Wrists - palms down fingers facing knees, 4ped wag tail, 4ped spinal circles, Frog stretch

Practice 5 min each: Frogger Stall (one toe up at a time and Toe Pull) & Swing set

Play 5 min: Twisting Bear

Push: 2x 1min Circuits Frogger & Crab Walk F&B, Kneeling back flexion to prone lying back extension, Seated clasped hands extension w/towel, 3pt bridge, General kneeling lunge

Ponder: Felt tightest in wrists and hip fronts. Didn't feel left elbow twinge (a couple days old) until clasped hands extension w/towel. All felt rough and challenging. Swing Set felt smoothest. LOVED getting to work out. I want to frame this as something I look forward to every week.

Plan (subject to tweaks)

• 1-2 lunch breaks/week, watch new Elements sessions; take notes
• 30 minute workout on weekdays I'm off - one per week. 
• 15 minute movement session other 5 days I work.
  • 3 of those are to be mobility sessions. Current mobility priorities: wrists, hips, and feet.
  • Remaining 2
    • pick 1 skill to Practice after Prep. (Option A)
    • do Locomotion circuits for time after Prep (Option B )
• Further thoughts/reasoning
  • Days I stock milk or both milk and eggs count as cardio/strength sessions and mean I need a mobility session after work.
  • Days without  extended periods of heavy lifting mean I can do locomotion or skill work that evening.
  • I may be able to anticipate which days I "lift heavy", given my teammates' schedules. 
  • 15 minutes is a perfect session length for after work, but Elements 15 min sessions (as prescribed) pack in too many moves while sacrificing time under "attention". Simplified, focused sessions should resolve this.
  • I can continue to learn new variations by watching tutorials and taking notes while on WiFi.

Sleep quality & length seem to improve if I don't go to bed quite so early. I enjoy a cup of chamomile tea most nights but it isn't necessary. Our RV park is very noisy; husband is exploring other options. His sleep and life quality are very affected by town living. It affects me, too, but I am in "doing what we have to for the time being" mode. I fully support his search for a different place to park our house.

 

Came up with a cleaning strategy I think is doable. It does involve putting some time in on my week day off, but the results will be worth the minor time investment. Using a stopwatch for each task reminds me how little time the chores actually take. I plan to choose tasks for a day based on what I feel up to; if I'm extremely tired, I do a couple easier things. If my work day wasn't exhausting, I'll choose from the more labor-intensive tasks. I'll trial this starting tomorrow.

[Alanna]

It's great to see you picked up the Elements program since we last spoke (and kudos on being so consistent with your workouts)! Stalls are indeed ridiculously difficult. The other tip I've heard/discussed is that they can be steered more towards balancing (vs brute strength), too - for example, with monkey, I've been focusing on getting my hips higher so I'm airborne longer. It's not a stall yet, but you could imagine that as your balance gets better, you can potentially pause in a handstand-like position.

 

Sorry sleep has been poor due to your environment - hope you can find a better site soon.

 

In case it helps, I like the Tody app for tracking cleaning tasks. 

[Chesire]

You are so good at considering all the things impacting your life and how it interacts with what you need and want to do. 

 

And those stalls are rough!  I always feel super worked at the end

[Emissary2Ornj]

On 4/2/2023 at 4:11 PM, Alanna said:

they can be steered more towards balancing

That would be a good focus to play with.

 

On 4/2/2023 at 4:11 PM, Alanna said:

I like the Tody app

Thanks for the tip! Will check that out.

 

Thanks, @Chesire. Sometimes it seems like just when I've got a semi-handle on things, it all changes! Oh, well - life, right?

 

I haven't felt up to workouts all week. I had one mobility session, but most evenings I have been too physically tired and/or mentally fatigued or stimulated to process through a workout. I got a lot accomplished house-wise on my midweek day off, and took a nature walk, which included a short hike down to the river and back. I basically ran out of time for a workout. Given how I used the day to rejuvenate and rest, I'm happy with how that turned out. I may back off, once again, on how hard I push myself to get workouts in. I still want mobility sessions. I still REALLY want the workouts, or at least some kind of workout, but declaring a formal schedule with if/then statements may be past my limit.

[Emissary2Ornj]

On 4/7/2023 at 7:04 PM, Emissary2Ornj said:

Sometimes it seems like just when I've got a semi-handle on things, it all changes!

That right there 👆🏼was a hint.
My two weeks' notice has been served, and shortly after that we plan to make the cross-country trip to those other mountains one more time. 

How I really feel:

Spoiler

We are not actually upset about this, believe it or not. Surprised, bewildered, scratching our heads, but not angry.
 

Both of us were committed to sticking it out here to accomplish what we wanted to accomplish. But we received a really strong sign we're supposed to go out again, one more time. So we're going!
 

I'm actually really looking forward to the trip out (the sights) and to camping in the forest again (the neighbors should be MUCH further away!). With the fact that I really think this may be our last time doing this, I think I'll be paying a different kind of attention to the experience. 
 

The first trip out and back we made together, I remember being in awe because I was seeing things I'd only looked at in National Geographic. I was so conscious of the privilege I had to experience it all. Yeah, travel's common these days - but there may be millions  of people just here in the states who will never have the same privilege. I think I lost sight of that in all the challenges of the trip and just making it work in the woods for 5-6 months. It's nice to feel the wonder again, and the anticipation. 

 

Job reflection:

Spoiler

I really enjoyed the job itself while I had it. I'm not sorry to leave the huge retail machine, but I won't rule out seeking employment there again. (Never say never!) They've been cutting hours store-wide, without notice. They already asked me to do more than what my initial job description entailed, while cutting my hours. It was a valuable experience, and I'm confident my skills  will translate to other grocery retail companies with possibly better management and employee treatment, if needed. 

So, I am not worried about workouts at the moment. I do try to keep a handle on mobility from day to day. Sometimes I stretch at work if I need to. 
 

We've made it a habit to walk the nearby rail trail every midweek day off. This week we did 7.2 miles, a record for us! It's a subtle elevation change -- seems flat but you can tell it's uphill all the way back! Hoping to enjoy it a couple more times before we leave. 

 

Goals

1. Stay motivated at work (I want to finish a couple biggish projects before I leave). 

2. Prep for leaving (store list, get-out-of-storage list, etc.). 

Haha! Here we go!

[Chesire]

Wow!  Really a last time doing it?!  But I almost judge the seasons by your moves    

 

May all go smoothly

[Emissary2Ornj]

23 hours ago, Chesire said:

Really a last time doing it?!

Pretty sure! Here's why (lots of words behind double spoilers, if I did it right): 

 

Spoiler

I am generally a skeptic and distrustful. I prefer to prove things for myself and I find it extremely difficult to take anyone's word for it. I also am stingy with sentimentality. I am reluctant to attach unnecessary meaning to events or objects. 

 

That said, have you ever witnessed something so inexplicably unnatural, something so out of the ordinary, you questioned whether it really could have happened as you saw it?

 

My husband and I saw something 8 months ago like that. If just he'd seen it, I would have thought, "Mmmm- really? There's probably a reasonable explanation for that." If just I had seen it, I would have doubted the experience and talked myself out of thinking it was significant. 

 

Gather 'round (virtually speaking), if you like. I have a story worthy of a campfire for you! If mentions of faith in a higher power, a Bible reference, or geese bother you, better skip it. 

 

Spoiler

8 months ago, we were winding down the season at our summer spot. We had a month and half to go but husband was starting to prep and plan for the trip back. We wanted that to be our last visit for a long while. The trip out & back and cost of living are making less and less financial sense; along with various challenges of dry camping. The area is getting more commercialized, and the culture is changing. We'd done everything we thought we wanted to do. We wanted to "shut the door". 

 

I came home one evening to a very upset, unsettled, near-tears husband non-stop pacing around our campsite. All day he'd been troubled by the thought, "You're going to miss this," accompanied by feeling desolate and alone. All his attempts at escaping, ignoring, or avoiding the thought and feelings were fruitless. Finally he googled the phrase, and his phone returned the Trace Adkins song of that title. 

 

That really got him. 

 

By the time he was able to articulate all this to me it was dusky. In the middle of it all, our attention was turned skyward. A small V of maybe ten geese flew southeast at treetop level, silent except for wingbeats. Suddenly, one goose near the back made the most abrupt, graceful U-turn and flew straight back the way they'd all come, at full speed, honking the whole way. No other goose followed it; no other goose answered its calls. 

 

My head whipped toward my husband: "Did you SEE that?!?" I wanted confirmation it really happened, and it was as unnatural and astounding as it seemed to me. He was in a state of astonishment, too. The goose acted like it was on reins. It seemed as bewildered by its direction change as we were. 

 

We took this as a sign, but we had no insight as to its meaning. Husband settled down, continued to feel like he was mourning the place, and tried to appreciate it all a bit differently. We made the trip back east, occupied ourselves in various endeavors through the winter, and ended up in the Appalachians in late winter with a pretty sweet full time job for me. We made financial progress and were on track to accomplish some things we'd been putting off. It's not an idealsituation, exactly, but we were making the most of it and committed to sticking it out. We'd each think about the Sign of the Goose (always capitalized thus in my mind) occasionally, and each came to the separate conclusion that we'd know the meaning of it someday, down the road, when/if we needed to. 

 

One day a few weeks ago, my husband had some quiet time after taking me to work, watching the  amazing sunrise. In that time, the meaning of the Sign was shown to him. "Yes, you're leaving [the place out west], but you're going back one more time." The geese were leaving [that place], and one went back. One goose = one more time. 

 

!!!!!

 

Bewilderment! Angst! Doubt! "But! But! But!... It doesn't make sense!" Meanwhile, some odd, unsettling things happened to me at work which I related to him. They served as confirmation. Every time he'd start doubting, something else would happen to confirm the reveal was real. As he told me later, "How many times do you put the fleece out?" (Judges 6:36-40)

 

So that's our experience. That's why we're so convinced that this time is really it. We're clueless, but as my husband says - either we trust or we don't. We're choosing to trust. 

 

[Chesire]

At this point I assume you know I will think on all of what you said, but for now I can definitely understand sometimes you need to heed the Sign of the  Goose.   I'm curious to see how the Goose will sink in for me.

[Emissary2Ornj]

We lead a life that defies conventional wisdom on several levels, I readily admit. This has been emotionally uncomfortable many times, but rewarding overall. More or less rewarding than a conventional life? Eh, I'd rather not debate it. There are so many ways to live a conscious life, and most have their rewards. I don't chase feelings, but when we're living in line with our highest values, "fulfillment" is a good description of the emotional reward. Some values change, others don't. Learning/deciding what our values are is an important foundational step to being an individual, I think. (And then giving them freedom to morph as needed.)

 

Update:  no formal workouts. Still loving the weekly gorge walk on my off day. I'm doing an interesting "just noticing" thing where I see I'm not prioritizing workouts or mobility sessions, and I'm okay with. I suspect it's a mental energy thing (i.e., I'm spending it elsewhere right now).

Daily work activity seems to be maintaining mobility and range of motion at acceptable levels. Feet seem to be the tightest right now. I prefer flexible, flat shoes. I rotate 3 pairs: 7 year old youth Columbia trail/hikers (worn knobby tread, medium-wide toe, high flex), 7 year old classic low top Chucks (narrow toe, flat sole, medium ground feel/flex, and 2 month old budget brand minimal trail shoes (wide toe box, knobby tread, big flex). The Cons squish the toes but still let the sole flex a bit.

 

Foot notes (definitely intended): Focusing on foot/ankle mobility back in fall of '21 had the side effect of strengthening my feet which I believe allowed me to increase my time wearing minimal (high flex, low support, low cushion) footwear.  I'm not a disciple of the "minimal is the way to go, everyone!" movement, but I do believe traditional shoe shapes tend to restrict designed function, weaken, and possibly deform feet. So I'm in favor of people rehabbing their feet (doing foot/ankle work) and then wearing whatever shoes make them happy.

[Emissary2Ornj]

Hmm...  scheming about least achievable effort (to increase likelihood of accomplishment) in the next phases of life-plan.

Phase 1: travel west

Ideal: 1 walk after every day of travel. 15min mobility AM & PM.
Least achievable: 1 short walk after travel. 4minute mobility session once a day (design 3-4 to choose from).

 

Arrival/Set-up

Ideal: snow is all gone from intended campsite. It will be dry enough that we can immediately move in and set up for the summer. Weather is nice enough to immediately enjoy outdoor walks and working out.

Possible: snow is not gone, and/or site is too wet to get where we want. Temps too cold/ground too wet to begin activity as soon as we arrive.

 

Phase 2: live in woods and work in store

Ideal: Long purposeful walk on off day. 15min mobility AM & PM. Choose month-long practice & play themes (1 movement each) plus 5 min locomotion circuits for off days.

Least achievable: Purposeful walk midweek off day. 4min mobility once a day (design 3-4 to choose from). Rest ditto.

 

Practice options: L-sit (Swing Set, Crab, Crab transitions) Scales, Front & Back Hollow hold Squats (A-frame to, Leg Sweep, Shrimp)

Play options: Bear (Bent Arm, Leg Thread) Frogger (Toe pull, Stall Prep, Straight Arm Baby, Single Arm Baby) Monkey (Long-legged, Straight Leg, Stall, Toe Pull, Crab (Combos, Transitions)

 

[Emissary2Ornj]

Someday, I will log how movement happened on the trip out here. Today is not that day.

Today is just a check-point log.
We're here and settled in.

Snow was still piled high on arrival.

No problem, found a perfect temporary site. Wind and sun worked quickly and moved to Temp Site #2 in less than a week. (It had been snow-buried on first arrival.) Snow melt continued rapidly; moved to long-term site 8 days later. Still snow in the forest and covering some roads.

Job: excellent.

New store has been built and we are and open. Not fully functioning, but 85%. Construction still happening inside and out and there are definitely kinks to be worked out. But to be in a purpose-built building versus trying to fit a store (physically and functionally) in something not intended for that is AMAZING. Like trying to drive 70mph on a two-track gravel path then finding the on-ramp to the four lane highway. Management and staff are essentially the same, so some quirky/chaotic "ways of doing" may not change.... good thing I got comfortable with all that "accepting reality" at the last job, then.

Back to the trip:

Easiest, most enjoyable trip west we've ever had. Plans changed multiple times (always do), and we enjoyed more surprises and treats than I ever remember. Best trip west so far.

I always, always will recommend I-90 over I-80, especially pulling a camper. I-80 is a windy, windy corridor through western Nebraska and Wyoming. The northern route is lovely calm by comparison (in our experience). We've been on I-90 at least twice now.

[Emissary2Ornj]

Out of 10 total travel days

 Walked: 👟 👟👟🔳👟👟🔳👟🔳🔳🔳

Mobility:  🥨🥨🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳

I am satisfied with the activity I got in. I don't recommend traveling every day, even though it worked out fine.  If you're like me, travel is wearying, even if you're just riding shotgun. Staying put in each place for at least 2 nights allows for a bit more let-down and recovery. Keeping the mileage down to around 300 miles a day (give or take 50 miles) is the sweet spot - not too much but you're still making progress.

 

Trip high points

🗺️ Getting to tour the site of Laura Ingalls Wilder's childhood home sites. Wow! Never dreamed while reading as a child that I'd actually visit it. Wow!

🗺️ Staying in a large campground near there, and having THE WHOLE CAMPGROUND to ourselves. There were several seasonal campers parked there, but nobody stayed. Quiet!

🗺️ The many, many waterfowl we got to see in the Dakotas. Saw several life birds this trip (water birds and otherwise).

🗺️ Hand-dipped ice cream for lunch one day; then excellent, affordable personal pizzas the next day. Both in small South Dakota towns.

🗺️Everything GREEN. Especially from Tennessee to southern SD, the color theme was GREEN. Finally we caught up to the edge of spring further north. Fields and roadsides had greened up even there, so we never got into total brown.

 

Out of 13 activity-possible post-arrival days

 Walked: 👣👣🔳🔳👣👣🔳🔳👣🔳🔳👣👣

Mobility:  🔳🔳🥨🔳🔳🔳🔳🥨🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳

I am not ready to box myself into a routine yet. Every day at work is different. On freight days, and maybe every work day, I will probably be working harder than at previous job. Mobility will be important. It's a better morning activity for me than evening.
Was extremely tired on my weekday off, but felt good to get some light housecleaning in.

 

Work acclimatization is still in progress. We got an almost-full truck in Thursday (prep for holiday weekend), and we didn't have enough people to get it put up in one day. Still working out kinks of new procedures. I have more responsibility. I like that, except for the discomfort of the learning-curve phase. Also some interpersonal newness to navigate. Good development opportunities.

 

[Emissary2Ornj]

A brief update:

A consistent workout schedule is really out the window. I'm getting plenty of physical activity at work - strength and motion, mostly - and really all I feel up to outside of that is a walk or two most days. I did enjoy a mobility session with a tiny bit of locomotion thrown in (a round of Bear, Crab, Monkey, and Frogger). Felt good.

I wonder if I'll be restarting Elements instead of picking up where I left off when the time comes to revisit consistent workouts. I am somewhat disappointed at the idea, but at the very least I'll need to do a basic assessment to gauge where I am.

Nutritionally, I feel like I'm eating quality food still. More bread and dairy, probably. It's a challenge to get the timing between meals right, and to not wolf down my food. Definitely a less leisurely lunch break than the previous job.

Working on one mindset thing which I'll report on in the future.

[Chesire]

On 6/10/2023 at 10:02 PM, Emissary2Ornj said:

I wonder if I'll be restarting Elements instead of picking up where I left off when the time comes to revisit consistent workouts. I am somewhat disappointed at the idea, but at the very least I'll need to do a basic assessment to gauge where I am.

Did you see that they added a new feature?  You can choose an accelerated pace.  I'm not yet 100% how that works since restarting I find that I just do a more advanced version anyway.  No one said I have to do the intro version when I know the more advanced! 

 

I'm sure you will find more consistency in all things as you further settle in.

[Emissary2Ornj]

On 6/19/2023 at 7:25 AM, Chesire said:

Did you see that they added a new feature?

I did! Thanks for the reminder, b/c that email was a while back. I'll explore that further.

 

Asked for and received permission to tweak my work schedule: I've split my days off so I never work more than 3 days in a row. Having a recovery day midweek means I have more energy for the last 3 days I work. Also, I'm not so exhausted on my days off that I can't enjoy them. Working 5 straight meant any off-day activity was done in a mostly-exhausted state. So far, this is a positive change. Yay for rest!

 

Work is fascinating. Newest challenge: developing ways of training across language barriers, and training people how to train other people. A major barrier to training is what my boss calls "when someone's confidence exceeds their abilities". Another way of putting it is "they don't know that they don't know". It's interesting how this inhibits learning. It's not necessarily an ego thing - but it can be, I think. For my part, the biggest challenge is slowing down : purposely forgetting that I have a massive amount of work that needs done in order to make sure people are getting the knowledge that will empower them to be assets.

 

All kinds of life-skill expansion going on over here.

Complacency doesn't have a chance.

[Emissary2Ornj]

I've been wanting more veggies lately, and have really been enjoying spaghetti squash in my lunches this week. I think it's been a big fiber boost. I have a butternut squash on hand; that may get cooked on my off day next week. I've been tweaking my veggie-to-meat ratio in my lunches. More beans and squash, plus the usual kale. Occasionally some chicken or a cut up hot dog.

 

Actually had a couple slower days at work; this enabled me to get some extra organization and catch-up work done. I am getting fatigued - the early July holiday rush was brutal. We have two more major holidays in this region before the season's over.

 

If I can, I need to focus on mobility. I'm getting plenty of activity and plenty of heavy lifting. Coordination, movement control, and flexibility don't get purposefully practiced, so I get stiff pretty easily once I'm home and resting. I still enjoy walks many evenings to unwind and get some purposeful movement in but mobility work hasn't been consistent. I think if I aim for a minimal amount daily it would help. I'm pretty mentally tired, so putting a constraint or schedule for myself is not the best practice right now. I'll use another method - probably gentle aiming at a general goal  - to kindly nudge myself into this.

 

Really happy to report that I've slept 41 nights without my phone. (What a world, and how it's changed! That statement would have made zero sense not so very long ago... .) I was using the phone for boredom and dopamine hits, and to help myself get drowsy to go to sleep. It became disruptive in a few different ways:

1. I was consistently waking up around 1am, reaching for the phone to read or scroll news or play Sudoku in order to fall back asleep, and then basically nap until morning. I was not getting quality rest.

2. I was consuming a lot of inane news. I was choosy as far as only reading a few articles here and there, but I was scrolling headlines habitually, still taking in a lot of drama and negativity.
3. The cult-ish religious sect I got out of several years ago is undergoing a crisis which is being documented online through various victim and ex-member support sites. I am so very happy to not be involved any longer, but following along has been like watching the metaphorical dumpster fire. I found it extremely difficult to "look away". So I was daily checking those sites for updates, and it became invasive/obsessive. I don't want all the hard work that's gone into obtaining my freedom to be undone. I most often used my phone to keep up, including during the night.

 

Steps I took:

I blocked all the cult sites (having my husband create a Screentime passcode which I don't know accomplished this without having to download/spend money on another app), and most of the news sites. I check in on the "dumpster fire" once a month. (Still flaming, as of the first of July). I categorized the sites and apps I visit/use by purpose (anti-boredome or dopamine hits) and listed some that I was free to use/visit any(day)time, and others I needed to limit or delete/block. I picked a couple reputable news sites to have access to, and I put my phone a good distance away at night, turning it off if I don't need the alarm the next morning. I allow myself to do whatever else I want on it, but I put it up before bedtime and don't reach for it until I'm awake for the day. I haven't gone completely screen-free: If I wake up and really, truly can't get back to sleep, I'll get on my laptop and do some offline Bible studying. Currently, this is an acceptable alternative.

 

Definitely happy with the results so far. I plan to continue this as a life-habit. I want my future home's bedroom to be screen-free, and I'd rather get the behavior settled now. I have no set goal number, just a continuous line of squares I'm coloring in my planner journal.

[Chesire]

That boredom-driven screen time is so, so easy to slip into.  When did I switch from picking up a book to grabbing the phone?  Impressive streak, and may it continue.

 

Always looking for veggie/bean driven lunch ideas... so ya know, if you are inclined to share any It's not the making them, its the coming up with the plan that's the hardest!

 

Have you been able to recover at all yet?  Or has it still been go, go, go?

[Emissary2Ornj]

On 8/2/2023 at 6:46 AM, Chesire said:

Have you been able to recover at all yet?  Or has it still been go, go, go?

The pace has slowed down a bit, but I'm still tired.

 

The store has finally gotten less busy. We actually have slower times now. There's plenty of work still, but there's actually time to catch up and the amount of back stock needed has somewhat lessened. Therefore, it's easier to deal with and actually work through in between freight loads.

Otherwise nothing much has changed. I'm in the grace period of supporting myself as best I can given my energy levels, and not worrying too much about the particulars. Drinking plenty of water with tea or decaf coffee here and there. Taking a bowl of rice or quinoa, baked & mashed sweet potato, some vegetable, and a bit of protein for most lunches; a dash of soy sauce adds flavor. My norm is eating a few processed foods here and there - I keep potato chips on hand, and supplement or replace my lunch maybe 4-7 times a month with some manufactured quick food out of the freezer section. Pork egg rolls, or a cheap burrito. This is acceptable for now.

 

Fall-type weather usually shows up in August, and several signs say it's arrived. Rain, cooler temps, the fireweed, grasshoppers and late summer insects - it's nice. Trying to enjoy it all (especially since the clock is winding down on probably our final summer here), but the mental "fuzz" inhibits that a bit. Still sleeping through the night; loving that.

[Emissary2Ornj]

Mental exhaustion continues; it's started to affect self-perception/-esteem and how much energy I have to give to the spousal relationship, self care, getting quality nutrition, etc. Fuel quality has somewhat decreased - the ratio of junk to quality food has increased. I'm going for easiest, low effort meals. This includes instant noodle bowls to which I add protein and veggies. I'm in minimal-maintenance mode. I'm not able to enjoy every experience to the fullest right now; I'm doing what I can to finish out the season in the best state possible. That's not to say I can't take pleasure in things, but my capacity for enjoyment is kind of shallow right now.

 

It's an interesting lens to experience the world through, and I'm glad it's transient.

[Emissary2Ornj]

Have tried to update several times and couldn't seem to put it together. Here's a hodge-podge:

THEMES

• winding down our time here
• Maintain lowest possible functional levels until we leave (food & movement).
• recup'ing form the Ick
• fall is beautiful
• I need/want some serious walking just-me time.
• Put the phone down!
• Communication exchange: authentic self-expression (fearless) instead of passive-aggressive digs (fearful)

• Body fuel: whatever is available; some good choices, some less than. That's okay for now.

• Movement: walks, sometimes stretches; mobility is decreasing b/c lack of attention. That's okay for now.

I scheduled an extra day off last week and came down with a severely sore throat and severely irritated sinuses. Worked two days, became fevered, tested Covid-positive. Off the rest of the week. Scheduled to go back tomorrow, having tested negative and feeling MUCH better. Whew - don't remember a sore throat like that since I was a kid and was having them nearly constantly with mono.

 

Fall is amazing. I enjoyed a loooooong walk yesterday (my calves are enjoying it today, after several days' inactivity previously). I am very ready for the opportunity to spend time alone and recharge. Don't know exactly when that's going to happen but I am trying to prepare my husband that it really does need to happen at some point. I'm maintaining, and still able to enjoy interaction with him at the moment, but the capacity is very, very low. I see this as being normal given the summer of work I've put in.

 

That nighttime phone habit has started back again. Pretty impressed with the earlier stint I had - over three months' of no nighttime phone usage. So I can do it again. Coloring squares in my journal helps.

 

My communication styles have been on my mind for a while. (These things often come to awareness slowly with me; it's best not to rush or force them.) Right now I'm at the stage where all the ideas are swirling together, and we'll see what gels.

Ideas:

• awareness of passive-aggressive style,
• why I use it (fear),
• what I'm afraid of (lack of control),
• whose behavior/words/actions am I actually responsible for? (just mine; whew, that's a relief),
• what else do I fear (powerlessness),
• passive-aggressive style is not authenticity or speaking truth,
• Matt 12:34 "out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh,"
• 1 Peter 3:10  "For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile:"

and likely some other as yet unknown things. This phase seems to move at lava lamp-speed. No hurry; let it be.

 

A sore throat makes for very painful speaking, and really concentrated my thoughts on how to be careful about what I say, and how to use my words to authentically express my needs, and to nobly get what I want instead of through manipulation or deceit. Communication is probably the single biggest challenge of my adult life (Isn't in everybody's like, top 5, at least?). This past summer made me aware of some concerning behaviors in this area, and that sore throat kind of increased the feeling of urgency to deal with it. I'm glad for awareness, and the ability to change/improve.

[Emissary2Ornj]

Mega journey from Northwest to Southeast: completed!

Arrived: yesterday

Basic setup tasks: complete

Incidental side quests: 1 complete (husband's mother's leaking hot H2O tank repaired; in-house hot showers now available), 1 initiated (small building project; plans made, space rearranged, materials obtained)

Routines initiated: daily smoothie, Elements session/mobility session,

Routines to initiate: house maintenance schedule, sleep routine, food log

Readjustment to suburbia: not even close to complete. Culture shock is real. Jarringly obvious we are no longer in beautiful forests near mountains, in a much more populated region (at every scale: region, state, county, city/town, neighborhood).*

Current self-parenting themes: "You'll never wish you worried more," and the awareness of how much I allow brain's fear of what might happen overshadow the glorious experience of what is happening. (I am so extremely tired of that fear default, and I refuse to let my life be dictated and crippled by it.)

Summer shine: I got to exercise my organizational/managerial skills this summer, and it felt amazing. I basically got to have my way with the dairy/meat section of a brand new small/intimate grocery store - organizing, stocking, coordinating with managers, training new stockers, coordinating with other section leaders, giving feedback on which products were moving/not moving. I got to design systems and workflows, and implement them with my coworkers then see how they organically changed as needed.  My experience and opinions and voice were valued. Wow. That's heady stuff.**

 

Elements assessment

Hips limited throughout, as you'd expect after all the time spent sitting on our recent trip. Felt good, as always. Glad I assessed instead of starting where I left off. Looking forward to getting at it. Impatient brain wonders if I can do a 30-minute session every day. Life and reasonable brain will likely win out: 3 days a week plus plenty of walks and mobility work on off days is proven to get results, and plenty ambitious. Just remembered I need to explore the 3 different tracks now offered in Elements. Also now I may have time to explore the new Elements+ thing.

 

*A friend told me this past summer, viewing the pictures I shared with her and reading the stories I told her of our time, "These are the halcyon days of your life. Be sure to love them dearly." I experienced them as deeply as I knew how, and as far as my senses and attention would let me....

There is definitely a pang now - not of regret, but the knowledge of something now out of reach. I didn't dream it. I didn't dream it. I lived it, and it was a treasure.

Loss and letting go - never easy, is it?

 

**The balance/shadow side of all that is I'm really glad the job has only been seasonal: investing that much of myself into a retail job year-round is not in line with my values. I want my time and energy balance leaning more toward personal life. I haven't yet been able to dial down caring so much about the job I do.... so I'd rather not have the job all the time and be able to focus on the areas of life that are my foundation.
In short, humans are funny.

[Emissary2Ornj]

Elements 1 A-frame & Bear 30 minutes: Done

• Putting joints through unusual (for summer job) ranges of motion again feels great. Have I lost some shoulder strength in pushing back & down? Unsurprising. Hamstrings and calves are tight, wow. Hips will become less and less limiting as I'm consistent with stretches and movements.
• Decided not to change track from general to accelerated yet.
• Plan: Give myself the daily option to do the next Elements session if I want. Option B is a series of GMB-sourced stretches, based on weekly/daily needs (if stiff shoulders: include shoulder stretches; if hips are limiting; include hip work; etc)
  • If I'm worried about time, these next-day sessions can be 15 minutes.

Building project: Significant progress!

• Foundation, floor, 3 walls up and sided, 4th wall framed & door mostly hung.
• Remaining: Door header, roof joists, roof covered, roof sealed and shingled, 4th wall sided, seams caulked, exterior painted, steps built or placed, door cleaned & painted
• My role here is helper with occasional input. Input is mostly appreciated, especially if it prevents mistakes or encourages project manager to drink enough fluids. Always interesting dynamics, being the spouse but in the go-fer role. In short, humans are funny. I'm enjoying the time with the spouse and trying to learn by watching his methods. (I've constructed a few things before; always good to observe someone else with significant experience.)
• Project means I don't spend time/attention on home maintenance. Trade offs; oh, well. This is necessary for now.

[Emissary2Ornj]

Elements 2 Squat assessment & Monkey Prep 15 minutes: Done

I like this approach (doing back-to-back Elements sessions but taking the shorter option).

I like how I'm not obsessing over understanding the movements perfectly this time around. Since I'm familiar with them (Monkey, for instance), I can notice how I'm loading my wrists or concentrate on tensing core muscles as if I was going to do the full movement.

 

On 11/2/2023 at 8:18 PM, Emissary2Ornj said:

Project means I don't spend time/attention on home maintenance. Trade offs; oh, well. This is necessary for now.

Wahoo, I got to focus on house stuff today. A bit of cleaning here and there but mostly meal prep for the next few days. Really nice to spend some time cooking again.