[Novaurora]

22 hours ago, Rookie said:

It made me giddy to read you reclaimed the space as your own! Very proud of you!

Tuesday sounded like a good day

 

I love AJR My current favourite songs from them are pretender and next up forever. 

Thanks!  He's back in town now, so, depending on his plan, we might be making some big moves soon (getting rid of furniture, feeling up more space, etc).  Though we need to get in touch with a mediator just so we have a written agreement on paper.  And YAY!  MORE AJR!

 

 

21 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

This one is a great balance of melancholy and a drive to persevere. It acknowledges the relationship is over but it isn't a bitter breakup.

 

Country music is replete with these:

Thanks!  These are great.  I love me some Reba!

 

Good Morning nerds,

 

I just feel like everyone needs to know that Diamond is licking my foot so aggressively that she is currently licking my (slip on) slipper off my foot.  Such a weird dog. 

 

Anyhoo, yesterday was fine.   The highlight was attending another equity meeting for the county.  The school board is in the midst of doing some strategic planning, and our equity group was tasked with coming up with a smart goal and some strategies to put things in motion.  It feels good to be involved at a level that is outside of my classroom.  I was able to make some really good points about community engagement/understanding about equity  and a strategy I suggested got added to the plan, so that was cool.  Currently, our local community does not trust our school board, BUT its not without cause in some respects,  (I mean, I trust like 2 of them...but one of the 7 has tried to gaslight me about something I watched in a meeting THAT THEY SAID, sooooo).  There's a part of me that wants to get involved in school politics, but there's another part of me that knows I would HATE IT because I'm an idealist who would not be able to work within the confines of the current system (and I HATE our current superintendent and would cuss him out the first chance I got, so there's that)

 

After the meeting, I sat my ass on the couch and watched the Olympics.  And it's so refreshing to admit that the main stress/anxiety I felt yesterday was watching the lower placing men's ice skating competitors in the free skate.  After the first one fell twice, every time someone jumped I expected a fall.  I should have been more productive, but whatever.

 

A came back to town yesterday.  I'll have to reach out this week and see if he wants to get together next week and start talking about what our timeline is moving forward.  I'm not hopeful because he's already said things like "we have a year to figure this out..." (legally, in NC, you can't divorce until you have been separated for a year), but I'm going to push for at least a PLAN.  I'm not going to throw his shit out on the curb, but I would like to know when the space will be mine to start messing around in without feeling like 
I'm pushing him out of it.  Even if he said something like, "please give me until April to get X sorted out," I'd be down.  He could always wait until March.  I'll be gone for a week, so he would have free reign.  I just want to see him start thinking about the moving forward process that he has been able to thus far avoid because of clients and trips.  I likely won't start to do anything major (painting, building) until the summer anyway, as that's when I'll have the uninterrupted time.

 

Also, question to the nerdverse:  if we are splitting the equity of the house, should he have to split any repairs to the house that we do before it gets appraised?  I can see it both ways. Yes, because that will raise the value of the home which benefits him, but also No because the appraisal price will most likely be lower than a selling price, so he is getting less by just taking the buy out equity??  I'm not sure.  I'm trying to be fair because keeping the house is a big win for me, and he didn't have to be so chill about it.

 

But I won't be dealing with that shit for a bit, so that's just some thoughts into the universe.  

 

• I hope everyone has a great day!!!

 

BEAU

• 2 gym sessions per week
  • Can replace with a home session of at least 45 minutes as needed
• 1800 calories a day
• Yoga x3
• Meditation after yoga (1 minute, with a 30 second build each week)

AMY 

• Meal Prep With HelloFresh
• Use the wall calendar and COMPLETE the daily and weekly chore lists
  • AM:
  • PM:
  • Daily Chore: (can get this check if I do the chore by Friday...that's catch up day)
• Take my meds EVERYDAY:

Make preparations where I can for financial independence in March

• Put things on auto draft (by end of month)
• Set up a summer saving account to help bulk up my savings without having to think about it. (by end of Month)
• Turn in Direct Debit form (by 2nd of week 2)
• Track spending:

Spoiler

$34: house/groceries

 

ELSA

 

Let go of who we thought we had to/should be at 33, and welcome who we CAN BE 

• Try a new (or forgotten) hobby or gym class
• Visit somewhere in town I’ve never been
• WRITE daily for at least 15 minutes (finish draft 3 of Children’s Book, revisit your novel, or one of the million short stories on your drive) 
• Keep a journal about new adventures and self discovery and write in it at least once a week (does not count toward writing goal). 

[Shello]

I was in very similar shoes 4 years ago when I started 2018 with a separation and divorce.  What a year that was!  I got so much support from the folks here.  Following to support you!  

 

8 hours ago, Novaurora said:

Also, question to the nerdverse:  if we are splitting the equity of the house, should he have to split any repairs to the house that we do before it gets appraised?  I can see it both ways. Yes, because that will raise the value of the home which benefits him, but also No because the appraisal price will most likely be lower than a selling price, so he is getting less by just taking the buy out equity??  I'm not sure.  I'm trying to be fair because keeping the house is a big win for me, and he didn't have to be so chill about it.

One thing I learned the very very hard way is that the monetary value is not the only thing to consider.  Take into account the mental payment of negotiating something when there isn't mutual agreement.  If he's resistant to it consider how much it's worth it to you.  As far as the value is concerned not all repairs really increase the value that much so I'd consider that too.  

[Sloth the Enduring]

Holy Hell you do not want to get involved in school politics.  Especially if you don’t have an exit plan from teaching or at least from the district.  

[deftona]

Here to watch Nova get her groove back  

[Salinger]

Hey Nova, how are you today? So proud of you xx

[Novaurora]

14 hours ago, Shello said:

I was in very similar shoes 4 years ago when I started 2018 with a separation and divorce.  What a year that was!  I got so much support from the folks here.  Following to support you!  

Thank you!  I have lots of great support IRL too.  I'm hoping everything will work out, but we haven't even scratched the surface really because he has been out of town for 2 weeks (and its only been a month since we decided)

 

14 hours ago, Shello said:

One thing I learned the very very hard way is that the monetary value is not the only thing to consider.  Take into account the mental payment of negotiating something when there isn't mutual agreement.  If he's resistant to it consider how much it's worth it to you.  As far as the value is concerned not all repairs really increase the value that much so I'd consider that too.  

This is a really good point.  Thanks!

 

8 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

Holy Hell you do not want to get involved in school politics.  Especially if you don’t have an exit plan from teaching or at least from the district.  

This is the right answer.  Haha.  I would only get into it if I thought I could make the system better, but its really just too broken.  I like my equity gig, that's close enough for now.

 

2 hours ago, deftona said:

Here to watch Nova get her groove back  

 

Good morning, nerds!

 

Yesterday was pretty good.  School was uneventful.  Had a really good conversation with one of my co workers (who is also a neighbor) about divorce tidbits (mostly housing because he too bought the equity from his wife).  He had some good advice and some ideas that were less complicated than what I had been thinking, so that was good.  A stopped by the house while I was at work to check on his motorcycle, and he will be back today.  I just texted him to let him know I would be home early for a telehealth appt.  It's not that I care if he's around, I just don't want him around during my therapy session.

 

I have been noticing small changes in the dogs' behavior lately.  I think they are starting to realize that daddy is gone for good, and they are responding by (gently) resource guarding ME.  I had friends over yesterday, and Piglet climbed into my lap (50 pound dog) and curled up on top of me.  Generally, she just sits on her "pillow throne" or harasses my friends for love.  She has also been following me to the bathroom and sitting in front of the door while I pee.  They all have to touch me while I sleep.  Even now, Diamond is under the desk on the dog bed (which is normal) but her head is resting on my foot.  It's kinda sad for them, but everyone is getting EXTRA LOVE.

 

It was good to have my friends over, but did mean that my daily chore didn't get done and I was over calories, and I didn't write....oops.  But today is make up day, so I can still catch at least the chore up.  

 

BEAU

• 2 gym sessions per week
  • Can replace with a home session of at least 45 minutes as needed
• 1800 calories a day
• Yoga x3
• Meditation after yoga (1 minute, with a 30 second build each week)

AMY 

• Meal Prep With HelloFresh
• Use the wall calendar and COMPLETE the daily and weekly chore lists
  • AM:
  • PM:
  • Daily Chore: (can get this check if I do the chore by Friday...that's catch up day)
• Take my meds EVERYDAY:
• Make preparations where I can for financial independence in March
  • Put things on auto draft (by end of month)
  • Set up a summer saving account to help bulk up my savings without having to think about it. (by end of Month)
  • Turn in Direct Debit form (by 2nd of week 2)
  • Track spending:

Spoiler

$34: housing/Grocery

$46: Fun money/eating out

 

ELSA

 

Let go of who we thought we had to/should be at 33, and welcome who we CAN BE 

• Try a new (or forgotten) hobby or gym class
• Visit somewhere in town I’ve never been
• WRITE daily for at least 15 minutes (finish draft 3 of Children’s Book, revisit your novel, or one of the million short stories on your drive)
• Keep a journal about new adventures and self discovery and write in it at least once a week (does not count toward writing goal).

[Rookie]

Good luck with getting that plan made. I don't know much about the whole equity thing but as another 33 year old who is not even close to the person she thought she would be... You got this! I am curious what hobbies you might want to revisit? 

 

 Dogs are so precious

[Defining]

5 hours ago, Novaurora said:

I have been noticing small changes in the dogs' behavior lately.  I think they are starting to realize that daddy is gone for good, and they are responding by (gently) resource guarding ME.  I had friends over yesterday, and Piglet climbed into my lap (50 pound dog) and curled up on top of me.  Generally, she just sits on her "pillow throne" or harasses my friends for love.  She has also been following me to the bathroom and sitting in front of the door while I pee.  They all have to touch me while I sleep.  Even now, Diamond is under the desk on the dog bed (which is normal) but her head is resting on my foot.  It's kinda sad for them, but everyone is getting EXTRA LOVE.

It's also entirely possible that they are just getting the 'extra stress' vibes from you, and want some animal closeness to try to help. It wouldn't be unusual for pets to know we're going through some stuff, and choose to be closer.

[fearless 2.0]

I second Defining! your dogs are secret therapy dogs, like all dogs are!  

 

[Salinger]

Hope all is ok Nova? xx

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

You there?

[Rookie]

Hey Nova  Hope everything is alright!

[Novaurora]

Thanks for the pokes, guys.  I'm okay.  Work and life have just been very busy.  When I got sick at the beginning of the month I got really behind and I have been doing a lot to get caught up. The dogs are also being super needy with the transition, so I'm spending a lot of time with them.  I currently don't have a laptop, so if I'm on a computer, I'm ignoring dogs in the office on the desktop...they are not fans of this.  I'm currently updating on my phone with a dog in my lap and another snuggled right up on me.  I'm trying to keep busy, so between Girls nights, county equity meetings, therapy, and grading essays every morning for a while, I just haven't made it back.

 

Though, to my credit, I have been pretty consistently taking my meds, I have been working out at least once a week and eating well overall (down 6 pounds), my house has stayed reasonably clean without too many days of ignoring dishes (just don't look in my sink today), I have rearranged a few things and cleared out some stuff, and really started claiming the space as my own.  I have secured a lawyer and A and I are getting together Friday to create a separation agreement, hopefully getting both of us what we want as best we can and making everything very easy moving forward.  I haven't been nearly as sad lately, just exhausted.  I'm ready for it to all be over.  Focusing on my job has been hard, hence why I am behind, but I'm letting myself be okay with that as best as I can.  

 

I almost updated a few times this week, but just didn't know where to start.  I'll be gone this weekend too.  Diamond and I are taking a trip to my uncle the vet to get a tumor removed (a big sac that hangs off her belly).  I'm very excited and am sure she will appreciate it once she realizes it's gone.

 

Case as point, I just fell asleep on the couch.  I will do my best to be more consistent, but also...I love sleep

 

[Sloth the Enduring]

 

If you need sleep, more sleep makes everything better and easier.  Good luck with everything coming up.  

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

You've got a lot of transition going on right now, so get the sleep you need.

[Shello]

12 hours ago, Novaurora said:

I'm letting myself be okay with that as best as I can. 

This! 

[Novaurora]

On 3/2/2022 at 9:49 PM, Sloth the Enduring said:

 

If you need sleep, more sleep makes everything better and easier.  Good luck with everything coming up.  

 

On 3/2/2022 at 11:50 PM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

You've got a lot of transition going on right now, so get the sleep you need.

I have been sleeping SO GOOD.  Very happy.  We had a workday today which was also very helpful for my soul.  Another 4 day week next week too.  Spring break is on the horizon as well.  Living for these breaks.

 

On 3/3/2022 at 9:47 AM, Shello said:

This! 

 

Look at me, updating two weeks in a row like I'm keeping my shit together  ha.

 

So, I'm behind on all sorts of shit, but I have started making moves to move forward on the important shit.

 

1. I have a lawyer and A and I have started talking about and working out a separation agreement.

2. I borrowed some money from my parents to pay for this lawyer catch up a few bills we had perpetually been paying late so I could stop paying late fees and panicking about one mistake ruining my credit

3. I paid my car registration that hadn't been paid since 2020 (small miracles that I never got pulled over)

4. I have continued decorating and organizing parts of the house

Spoiler

5. I got Diamond a surgery that she has needed for a long time (blurry picture of large tumor in spoiler, but also a cute doggo after picture)

Spoiler

She has been growing this for a few years, but we could never afford to get rid of it

After, at my parent's house.  She is wearing a suitical to protect her belly.  It works like a cone, but better.  She has no issue with it.  We stayed the night at my parents house because my uncle did the surgery for cheap in another state.  She is the first dog allowed in the house because she's old and my mom felt bad making her sleep in the garage.

 

Actual Goals:

 

BEAU

• 2 gym sessions per week 
  • Can replace with a home session of at least 45 minutes as needed
• 1800 calories a day  (I wanted cake today and let it happen)
• Yoga x3 
• Meditation after yoga (1 minute, with a 30 second build each week) 

AMY 

• Meal Prep With HelloFresh
• Use the wall calendar and COMPLETE the daily and weekly chore lists
  • AM: 
  • PM: 
• Daily Chore: (OOOPS)
• Take my meds EVERYDAY: 
• Make preparations where I can for financial independence in March (Now, REALISTICALLY, April...due to A)
  • Put things on auto draft (by end of month)
• Set up a summer saving account to help bulk up my savings without having to think about it 
• Turn in Direct Debit form (by 2nd of week 2)

 

[Salinger]

You are doing so well Nova  proud of you xx