[Gemma]

Quest: Develop physical autonomy to move through daily life without pain
Side Quests: Reinvigorate faith; re-establish writing habit w/out pressure to produce fiction on demand
Allies: Regular and consistent accountability; goals that are so small it is easier to do them than not do them until the habit forms; ADHD meds; journaling guides

Mentors: GMB programs: Elements, Resilience, and Recovery; assorted journaling prompts and guides

Gatekeepers: rheumatologist; prescribing psychiatrist 

Antagonists: Perfectionism; ADHD; chronic pain; easy availability of non-satisfying dopamine 'quick fixes' 

 

1. I Am Finding my Core: add this 5 minute core routine or this one to the end of my workout at least 3x per week
    

2. I Value Spiritual Growth: replace games on my phone with scripture reading during 15 minute light therapy in morning routine
    

3. I Value Creativity: open my current short story every day, before settling in to watch YouTube videos or play iPad games. Seriously, that's it. Just open it, look it over, acknowledge that it is. If I choose to then write more, great. If not, at least I am not actively avoiding it and creating ridiculous anxiety around a file on my computer. 
    

4. I Value Peace: 10 minutes of journaling/day. I have been collecting underpants with journaling/self reflective books and prompts. 
   
   10 minutes per day (as regular part of evening routine) can include, but is not limited to:

   1. Exercises from Your Head is a Houseboat: A Chaotic Guide to Mental Clarity

   2. Pages from Burn After Writing

   3. Free-form stream of consciousness writing

   4. Recap of the day/gratitude notes in bullet journal

   5. Scripture meditation thoughts
       

5. I Value Connection: Check in here for accountability at least 5x/week
    

Tracker

Core: 🔲 🔲 🔲 🔲 🔲 🔲 🔲 

Spirit: 🔲 🔲 🔲 🔲 🔲 🔲 🔲

 

Creativity: 🔲 🔲 🔲 🔲 🔲 🔲 🔲

 

Peace: 🔲 🔲 🔲 🔲 🔲 🔲 🔲

 

Connection: 🔲 🔲 🔲 🔲 🔲 🔲 🔲

 

 

[Harriet]

48 minutes ago, Gemma said:

Seriously, that's it. Just open it, look it over, acknowledge that it is. If I choose to then write more, great. If not, at least I am not actively avoiding it and creating ridiculous anxiety around a file on my computer.

 

[Scaly Freak]

The titles of the books in your 4th task/goal are... intriguing.

[Alanna]

I'm glad you have more support and a clearer path on your quest now - look forward to following along! 

[Gemma]

I love zero week, it gives me a chance to 'test the waters' and see if I've gotten myself in to deep or if I've chosen what is doable. So far so good. 

I gave myself credit for completing the core workout this morning, even though I didn't do three full cycles. Just learning  how to do the movements properly and safely took me a full five minutes, but I've got them now so doing timed cycles in future workouts should not be a problem. 

 

Just opening the short story was a good plan, and I did work with it for a few minutes. It felt better when I wasn't putting so much pressure on myself to write a certain number of words or for a specific time. Remembering to do this will be a challenge, for now I am just adding it as a task in my bullet journal every day. 

 

Ten minutes of journalling last night was a brain clutter exercise from Houseboat. 

Tracker

Core:  🔲 🔲 ✅ 🔲 🔲 🔲 🔲

Spirit:  🔲 🔲 ✅ 🔲 🔲 🔲 🔲

 

Creativity: 🔲 ✅ 🔲 🔲 🔲 🔲 🔲

 

Peace:   🔲 ✅ 🔲 🔲 🔲 🔲 🔲

 

Connection: 🔲✅  ✅ 🔲 🔲 🔲 🔲    


 

22 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

The titles of the books in your 4th task/goal are... intriguing.

They say you can't judge a book by its cover, but I have a five decade history of picking ones by how well their title grabs me, and it's worked pretty well so far. 

 

18 hours ago, Alanna said:

I'm glad you have more support and a clearer path on your quest now - look forward to following along! 

 

 

[Mad Hatter]

39 minutes ago, Gemma said:

I did work with it for a few minutes.

Nice!

 

 

How's Your Head is a Houseboat? It looks cute!

[Scaly Freak]

1 hour ago, Mad Hatter said:

 

How's Your Head is a Houseboat? It looks cute!

 

...and it prompts the most hilarious mental images...!  

[Gemma]

1 hour ago, Mad Hatter said:

 

How's Your Head is a Houseboat? It looks cute!

 

12 minutes ago, Scaly Freak said:

 

...and it prompts the most hilarious mental images...!  

 

 

It is both cute and hilarious. Campbell Walker (YouTuber 'struthless') is emphatically not a psychologist or counselor or social worker, he's just a dude with art talent who has been through a big bunch of crap and figured out some ways to deal with it.  He takes the stuff he's learned from psychologists and counselors and general life poop and puts it all into super-simple layman's terms using a giant memorable metaphor full of comedy-gold characters, punctuated with journaling prompts to help the reader deal with the mess inside their own houseboat.  As self-helpy type books go, this is different than anything I've ever experienced before. I swear I've never laughed out loud to the point of tears while simultaneously thinking about the boy who bullied me in first grade - until now. 

[Mad Hatter]

1 hour ago, Gemma said:

swear I've never laughed out loud to the point of tears while simultaneously thinking about the boy who bullied me in first grade - until now. 

that's fantastic!

[Gemma]

Tracker
Core:  🔲 🔲 ✅ 🔲 🔲 🔲 🔲
Spirit:  🔲 🔲 ✅ ✅ 🔲 🔲 🔲
 Creativity: 🔲 ✅ ✅ 🔲 🔲 🔲 🔲
 Peace:   🔲 ✅ ✅ 🔲 🔲 🔲 🔲
 Connection: 🔲✅  ✅ ✅ 🔲 🔲 🔲  

 

 

Today's Elements workout included Bent Arm Bear and Monkey Stall. To avoid the frustration of being nowhere near strong enough for a Stall yet, I just transposed the word in my head and made it a Monkey Toe Pull - a movement in which I do feel like I am gaining both in strength and control. 

 

The story is ... still there. I've written the beginning and one version of the end, and my resistance is to writing the middle. Still don't know why. But I am happily tweaking the parts that already exist, and it is less intimidating now that I am not avoiding it and feeling guilty about avoiding it. I think I was just putting too much pressure on myself to have it done, edited, beta-read, revised, and ready to submit to publisher by the end of February. I seem to do better with more of an "it'll be ready when it's ready" attitude. This sounds bad for productivity, but better for mental health, so that's what I'm going with.  

Journaling is going well. Last night was a hodgepodge of stream of consciousness, a relatively quick Houseboat exercise, and a few prompts from Burn - but it was engaging and I went on with it for more than ten minutes. 

 

[Gemma]

This morning I worked on ankle strengthening, which made me realize how much I need to work on ankle strengthening. Then I spent some time on core work, which made me realize how much I need endurance/conditioning work 🥴. I did one set each of leg threads and mountain climbers, and then spent the rest of the time on variations of hollow body hold so I wouldn't be starting my day off already exhausted. 

Significant progress on story last night, I am really happy with how this low-stakes low-pressure approach is working out for me. 

I'm in a huge lull at work right now. My faculty don't really need me for anything at present, the director is out of town, and I'm finding myself deliberately doing my tedious paperwork as sloooowwwwly as possible so it will last me a while before I completely run out of busywork. This can't be healthy. But at least it is making it possible for me to keep up on the forums better than I did last challenge. My job is awesome, but it is absolutely feast or famine, workload-wise. 🤷‍♀️  

Tracker

Core:  🔲 🔲 ✅ 🔲 ✅ 🔲 🔲

Spirit:   🔲 🔲 ✅ ✅ ✅ 🔲 🔲

 

Creativity: 🔲 🔲 ✅ ✅🔲 🔲 🔲

 

Peace:   🔲 ✅ ✅ ✅ 🔲 🔲 🔲

 

Connection:   🔲 ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ 🔲 🔲

[Emissary2Ornj]

The non-avoidance plan for your short story is genius. Happily following!

Re work feast/famine: sometimes taking what we're given is the path. Sounds like you're prepared for it.

[Harriet]

2 hours ago, Gemma said:

Significant progress on story last night, I am really happy with how this low-stakes low-pressure approach is working out for me. 

 

Yesss! I'm glad it's working.

[Gemma]

I'm feeling pretty darn good here lately. My sleep is still disturbed, but I've knocked out two major snooze-thieving monsters. One to go, and I have a doctor's appointment next month to begin addressing that last (I hope) DreamDemon. In the meantime what improvement I have acheived is pretty darn awesome.  I feel ... functional. 

To be fair, I have now had a consistent month of 15 minutes a day with a full-spectrum light to fight off the S.A.D.s, so that's probably a big part of it. Come to think of it, that's probably helping out on the sleeping front as much as the ADHD meds and the pain management. Well, whatever is making me feel better, I'm grateful. 

 

 

 

 

It's looking like the weather might be relatively nice this weekend, maybe I'll get outside a bit. I'm bad at outside in wintertime. I spent many years of my life snowbound from December to March,  now my official position is "I've gotten chilled to the bone enough for one lifetime, thankyouverymuch!" 

 

 

Tracker

Core: 🔲 🔲 ✅ 🔲 ✅ 🔲 🔲 

Spirit:  🔲 🔲 ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅🔲   

 

Creativity: 🔲 🔲 ✅ ✅ ✅ 🔲 🔲  

 

Peace:  🔲 ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ 🔲   

 

Connection:  🔲 ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅ 🔲     

[Alanna]

Congratulations on the sleep progress - getting enough sleep to be functional and have energy helps everything else so much!

 

How do ankle strengthening and ankle mobility differ out of curiosity? And how do you assess ankle strength? (apologies if the answer is in the links you've already given me!)

[Mad Hatter]

On 2/11/2022 at 8:07 PM, Gemma said:

I'm bad at outside in wintertime. I spent many years of my life snowbound from December to March,  now my official position is "I've gotten chilled to the bone enough for one lifetime, thankyouverymuch!" 

I'm feeling this hard this year. I used to force myself to go out to keep sane, but now the dontwannas are too strong and all I can think about is escaping again...

 

On 2/11/2022 at 8:07 PM, Gemma said:

I'm feeling pretty darn good here lately. My sleep is still disturbed, but I've knocked out two major snooze-thieving monsters. One to go, and I have a doctor's appointment next month to begin addressing that last (I hope) DreamDemon. In the meantime what improvement I have acheived is pretty darn awesome.  I feel ... functional. 

Yay, that's wonderful! Sleep is pretty cool.

[Gemma]

I tend to lose the plot a bit on weekends unless something other than work adds some structure to my time. If I have 'all day' to do something, I probably won't do it.  So my zero-week closeout looks almost exactly like my last update, except I did do a core workout on Saturday.  No journaling, no opening of much less working with story.  I did, however, complete a craft project that has been occupying my dining room table for three weeks (because I did all the 'fun' part three weeks ago, then petered out doing the boring 'finish it up' bits.) So, pretty happy about having that done with. 

 

On 2/11/2022 at 2:57 PM, Alanna said:

 

How do ankle strengthening and ankle mobility differ out of curiosity? And how do you assess ankle strength? (apologies if the answer is in the links you've already given me!)

Second question first - how to assess. Real answer is I have no idea. Except as I see progress on the exercises, and if I develop the magical ability to step on uneven pavement or a rock or my own shoelace and *not* sprain my excessively sprainable left ankle. 

First question - strengthening seems to be focused on all the little muscles and attachments that we don't think about often, and supporting our weight with our feet in weird positions or moving it in unusual ways.  Not stretchy ways, just ... weird. Different from how you usually use your foot and ankle. 
 

Two examples: 

From GMB Resilience - the "Foot Blade Squat." In the full, intensely Ryanized version, this is a deep squat, unsupported - and then you basically intentionally roll your ankles. In other words, rotate your foot laterally so that you are supporting your weight on the outside edge of each little footsy. 😲

Progressions for this start in crab, then moving hands closer and closer to butt (essentially moving more and more of your weight to your feet) - also, starting with just one foot at a time. I am up to having my hands right up behind my butt, so the point right before you would push yourself over center in Walk Into Squat. 

 

From my yoga teacher mom - windshield wipers. Sitting on the floor with legs extended and foot flexed, toes towards ceiling - rotate your toes out, then in, then out - for a minute. Then point your toes to about a 45° angle (she says "Barbie Point" your toes) and repeat the windshield wipering for another minute. 

Mom had an equally super-sprainable ankle, and she swears that since she has been having every class that she has taught for the past 20 years do this as part of their warm up, she has rolled her ankle multiple times but never sprained it.  :shrug: 

 

 

 

On 2/12/2022 at 2:52 PM, Mad Hatter said:

I'm feeling this hard this year. I used to force myself to go out to keep sane, but now the dontwannas are too strong and all I can think about is escaping again...

 

 I am ridiculously blessed and lucky to live in a climate where, yeah, it gets stupid cold and sometimes has ice storms, but it doesn't last long and is punctuated by periods of perfectly mild weather, like this past weekend, in which going outside in short sleeves is a reasonable thing to do. Hubs and I have pledged to each other to never live anywhere again where the winters are truly harsh. We are coldness wimps and not even ashamed of it. 

We're back to cold now, though; turtleneck and wool cloak and gloves in full use. Sigh. It'll be spring at some point. 

 

 

 

I didn't work out on Sunday. I was scheduled for an Elements workout but my right shoulder was feeling sore and strain-y so Bent Arm Bear seemed a terrible idea. This morning was back to Resilience, this time for wrists.  

 

[Harriet]

24 minutes ago, Gemma said:

I tend to lose the plot a bit on weekends unless something other than work adds some structure to my time. If I have 'all day' to do something, I probably won't do it. 

 

If I have all day to do something, I will probably spend the day on the internet.

 

24 minutes ago, Gemma said:

So my zero-week closeout looks almost exactly like my last update, except I did do a core workout on Saturday.  No journaling, no opening of much less working with story.  I did, however, complete a craft project that has been occupying my dining room table for three weeks (because I did all the 'fun' part three weeks ago, then petered out doing the boring 'finish it up' bits.) So, pretty happy about having that done with.

Looks like you did a few writing sesssions, though! More next week?

[Mad Hatter]

26 minutes ago, Harriet said:

If I have all day to do something, I will probably spend the day on the internet.

Same.

[Alanna]

2 hours ago, Gemma said:

From my yoga teacher mom - windshield wipers. Sitting on the floor with legs extended and foot flexed, toes towards ceiling - rotate your toes out, then in, then out - for a minute. Then point your toes to about a 45° angle (she says "Barbie Point" your toes) and repeat the windshield wipering for another minute. 

 

Haha that is a fun and very descriptive name! (I'm trying to track my mobility work and I'm finding remembering/coming up with names is the most challenging part.) Thank you for the explanation and exercise examples! The Foot Blade Squat sounds exactly like a crazy hard but useful thing that Ryan would do.

 

I find I'm more productive if I have some constraints on my time, too. I hope your shoulder feels better soon so you can get back to Bear. 

[Gemma]

It's Wednesday of Week 1 and I haven't checked in with progress at all. I'm doing okay at keeping up with other's challenges, and I've posted in my battle log, but somehow I forgot about that thing I committed to do regularly. #facepalm 

 

I'm still alternating Elements and Resilience workouts, and it is going well. I am definitely getting stronger. Slowly. Very slowly. Still, though, stronger. 

 

Creatively, the short story is a bit of a slog (I've got the beginning and the end written, struggling with what is often called 'the muddy middle').  But I have actually finished two other semi-creative projects in less than a week. This is huge. Also weird. In classic and annoying ADHD fashion, I am really really really good at starting projects I will never finish. Like, if I sewed together all of the crochet projects that I got 20% of the way through and then shoved in a drawer and forgot about, I could make a blanket big enough to cover my car.  So, I think that means the meds are working? 

Project descriptions/photo behind the box (just because it takes up a lot of space and not everyone is interested in craftsy stuffs):

Spoiler

My grandmother died over 30 years ago, and I have been hauling around a ridiculous amount of sentimental stuff ever since.  One such thing was a steno notebook that she had written recipes on the first 10 pages of,  but that was otherwise blank. The notebook itself was old, yellowed, stained (she obviously used it in the kitchen while cooking) - but I had saved it all those years because I was sentimental about her zucchini bread recipe in her handwriting.  Umm.. and apparently stained with a splash of her zucchini bread batter!

 

I got a piece of wood, broke out the woodburning tool and the ModPodge, and decoupaged the sentimental recipe to hang on my kitchen wall. Then I threw the notebook away. 

 

 

Project #2 was also about minimizing the boxes of old stuff. Grandma had literally thousands of pictures of me as a child, and I wound up with boxes of them. Large boxes, that take up considerable space in my life, of photographs that I never look at. 

I picked out 15 good ones, spanning from infancy to high school, and put them in a collage frame. Some of the others will go in albums. Many have gone in the round file, with more to follow.  The Hubs already has such a collage that his mom made for him many years ago, now mine hangs in the hallway opposite his.  And the boxes are slowly but surely disappearing from my office, leaving behind actual, usable floor space. 

 

 

Tracker

Core:   ⬜ ⬜ ⬜ ✅ ⬜ ⬜ ⬜

Creativity:  ⬜ ✅ ✅ ⬜ ⬜ ⬜ ⬜

 

Peace:   ⬜ ✅ ✅ ⬜ ⬜ ⬜ ⬜

 

Connection:    ⬜ ⬜ ⬜ ✅  ⬜ ⬜ ⬜

[Harriet]

That's a nice idea with the recipe. And picking fifteen photos out of thousands demonstrates industry and decisiveness. Excellent work.

[Alanna]

Yay for finishing things! 

 

That is a lovely way to remember your grandmother. Going through sentimental things is always hard - there's a reason Marie Kondo usually left them til last - so finishing these projects in particular is really impressive. I love how you've figured out ways to display your favourite things so you can see and enjoy them every day.

[Epsilonte]

13 hours ago, Gemma said:

But I have actually finished two other semi-creative projects in less than a week.

Love your projects, the Zucchini Bread one is soooo cute and lovely!! 

[Mad Hatter]

On 2/16/2022 at 8:54 PM, Gemma said:

But I have actually finished two other semi-creative projects in less than a week.

Yay, that’s very impressive!