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salads, stretching & sensibility


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On 4/18/2022 at 3:18 PM, W.L.K. Sarah said:

I dropped by the grocery store, bought asparagus and broccoli, then went home and immediately made myself a cucumber salad. It was SO satisfying - as though I've re-hydrated my body.

I want to go on the record as saying how big of a win I think this is. You have made the conscious choice and  taken steps to consistently give your body the fuel it really can use - and are doing it willingly and joyfully, not resentfully (as far as I can tell). I think  what you experienced is the natural result of that kind of commitment to ourselves. I love how satisfied I feel after eating real, simple food, especially vegetables, but I'm not quite at the level of being that on tune with my body that I'd like, yet. 
 

On 4/18/2022 at 3:18 PM, W.L.K. Sarah said:

In the meantime, I feel affirmed by how far I've come.

I think the human experience in many things (everything?) is this push/pull. I think accomplishing our goals doesn't always present in the ways we want/expect, when we want/expect. Sometimes that can be demoralizing. I have more thoughts about this, but not for today. We're here to support you in the struggle, though. And you're not alone  in struggling with this. 

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"You're not in it to get Most [Recognized Rebel Ever]. You're not in it to be eligible for prizes. You're in this because you made a promise to yourself and you refuse to let you down. Walk the talk. And even when you don't talk much, make the walk so powerful that it leaves no room for questions - from inside or out." -note to self Str7.5 Dex6 Sta5.7 Con11.8 Wis10.4 Cha2 Intro post~Challenge 1~Challenge 2~Challenge 3~Challenge 4~Battle Log 1 Ranger Level 3

 

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Updated workout:

 

*Jumping Jacks- 3-4 sets 30-40 reps

*Side-bends- 3-4 sets 10-12 reps — really bend right hip out, then left arm over the head; vice versa

*Forward kicks- 3-4 sets 15-20 reps — use both hands forward to touch toes

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* Twisting straight-arm planks- 3-4 sets 8-10 reps 

*Body crunches- 3-4 sets 20 reps

*Up-downs- 3-4 sets 10-12 reps — punch forward four times (like boxing)

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*Lunges w/ forward step- 12-15 reps — NOW it’s SQUAT, then right elbow touch left knee, vice versa

*Bicycles- (Abs) 3-4 sets 20 reps

*Alternating push-ups- 3-4 sets 10-12reps

 

**Hip lifts on the yoga block- 4 sets 10 reps each side

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Asking all of you to be kind as I share the following. I'm not asking for advice, just empathy for how I'm feeling. Thank you in advance. ❤️  These are snippets about my health journey that I shared with my therapist.

 

MY MESSAGE:

My health coaches got back to me with a new contract to continue forward with them. It’s basically the same contract for another 90 days — same cost. I was under the impression that they were going to charge less. I know, deep down, that I don’t want to continue paying them the same. So I think I’m going to tell them this Friday (after I workout with my fitness coach one final time on Thursday), that I plan on taking 1-3 months off from working with them. I’d like to look into using my health insurance for physical therapy so I can continue tailored movement routines to avoid injury. And I want to digest all of the knowledge and resources they’ve given me. They have made such a positive impact in my life these last couple of months. Now I want to see what I can do without them. Anyway, I’ll keep you posted on what I ultimately decide!

 

MY THERAPIST

About your health coaches, I feel it can be very wise to find one's own way and to digest, as you say, all the information and resources they have given you. Also you can go back to them at anytime you choose.

 

MY MESSAGE:

I had a wonderful movement session with my fitness coach this morning. My roommate was at the office today and decided to drop by the grocery store after. I took it as an opportunity to go for a walk with my dog and meet my roommate there. I’m really enjoying moving my body more and more. Unfortunately, my aches and pains have been coming back again — part of the reason why I stopped working out to begin with. I’m realizing I tend to get these aches and pains when I do movement routines outside of what my coach assigns me such as play pickle ball with my roommate or go for a light run. I’ve also decided to see my chiropractor once every three weeks rather than every two weeks. It’s getting me to consider renewing my contract with both of my coaches. But I’d have to wait until May to consider doing so since that’s when I’ll have the funds to do so. On the food side, my weekly produce also arrived so I enjoyed prepping my bell peppers, carrots, and asparagus for the week. I’m, however, feeling dissatisfied that I’m not losing weight as much as I thought I would. In fact, I feel like I’ve gained weight. It’s a bit frustrating since, I’d say, 95% of the foods I eat is plant based. Maybe I’m just stress eating too much. I appreciate the movement routines I’m learning from my coach. But maybe the plant-based diet isn’t for me. I recognize that it’s given me more energy, but I can’t understand why I haven’t naturally lost weight. I’ll eat a bowl of zucchini stew with beans, for example, and still be craving something more after. I’ll try to satisfy the craving with fruits, but eventually, I’ll just crave bread or other processed carbs. Maybe I’m not eating enough plants with protein in it. I don’t know. Just feeling frustrated. My coaches are saying that I’m doing so well, yet I feel like I’m even heavier than when I started with them.

 

MY THERAPIST

I am glad you had a good movement session today. I actually haven't asked you why you have these aches and pains. Or maybe you've told me and I didn't write it in my notes. About eating and weight gain, being plant based does not necessarily mean one will lose weight. In fact one can gain. Nuts, honey, fruit can have a lot of calories, like bananas and avocados do. Squash and pasta too, and if one uses sauces. I too found I craved something more when I was vegan. As you say, maybe more protein may help. I love dulse-seaweed, and miso. For myself I crave meat sometimes-just a small amount and organic. Also eggs sometimes.....it's hard to figure all this out. I feel the most important is not to eat refined and heavily processed foods. I also love the hard rye crispbreads, like Wasa and Rye King....Low calorie crunchy snacks.....rice cakes also. I also want to say how much I admire your determination and hard work with your self care. I am sorry also that you are feeling disappointed and frustrated right now with the results.

 

MY MESSAGE:

Last night, I told my coaches that, if I want to continue forward with them, I’d have to hold off services until May when I can budget for them. This morning, one of them told me that I can continue with them now, I just have to put in a lower deposit than originally proposed. Although I appreciate the gesture, I'm still contemplating if I want to continue with them. I am upset, however, that I feel like I’ve gained weight since working with them. It feels like a risk (especially a financial one) to consider working with them not knowing if I’ll just continue to gain more weight. However, I’ve really enjoyed the pain-free movement routines that my fitness coach has given me. So I don’t know yet. A lot to consider. In the meantime, I’ve decided that I’m going to slowly reintroduce intermittent fasting back into my life. I think it’ll be more effective this time because, in the past, I’d still eat unhealthy. But now, my taste buds enjoy nutritious foods. Overall, I’m optimistic that I have the knowledge to eat healthier when I break my fast. I guess this is why it’s often hard for me to see my success because I constantly feel like a work in progress. It constantly feels like I’m lacking in something, or falling behind, or getting worse. Although I can logically recognize my progress, today is just one of those days where I’m not feeling successful. In regards to my ‘aches and pains,’ my right hip is rotated causing my right leg to often feel shorter than my left. This is why I’ve been going to the chiropractor. With the adjustments, my fitness coach’s movement routine (that’s tailored around this issue), and consistent stretching, I can do a fairly good job reducing the pain. Part of my frustration is that I feel like I should have lost a good amount of weight by now — I believe that would especially help reduce the aches and pains, too. Thank you for your take on a plant-based diet. In addition to intermittent fasting, I’m planning on eating small amounts of meat again, plus drink protein shakes and fiber drinks when I have cravings. I guess I didn’t recognize how much calories squash could have. I’ve been eating squash or zucchini stew every day - sometimes twice a day. I also add black beans to my stew. I feel a bit deceived thinking that this could’ve helped me with weight loss. I plan on expressing all of my concerns to my nutrition coach should I decide to continue forward with her. The good thing is that my coach isn’t one to push a plant-based diet all of the way. In fact, she discourages against trying to go 100% vegan. In a way, she teaches intuitive eating. Really paying attention to how you feel after eating something. But either way, I’m feeling frustrated… maybe I tried to go 100% plant based too quickly — even though I’ve been working toward this for the last 90 days. Thank you for recognizing my hard work and determination with my self care. I have to remind myself that this is a journey, not a destination. I’m just unhappy that I haven’t lost the weight I thought I’d lose at this point. But it doesn’t mean I’m going to stop this health journey either. I have to continue to trust myself and trust the process, and be honest with my feelings/concerns to my coaches.

 

MY THERAPIST:

About your coaches and whether to continue or not, it is a hard decision because they have a 3 month contract. It would be easier if it was just one month. About eating-intermittent fasting can be really helpful. Squash and black beans are very nutritious. This may not be why you're actually gaining weight. Ask your coach as to why you are gaining weight. She is the expert. Are you eating more than you need to? Trauma survivors can do this because feeling empty and hungry can be triggering in so many ways. If there was poverty in our family system this can also contribute. Actually I have a thought now that may be helpful!! This may well have been a very big step with going vegan. Maybe a part of you felt that emotionally you would starve without meat. Of course logically you know this is not true but maybe emotionally you felt this. As I said, maybe you've been eating more than you need to. Maybe also you've been missing meat. Also whenever we make a big change (even if it's a desired change that we're excited about) it can trigger us-trigger our traumatised self. Then we have to do something to comfort ourselves, to compensate. What do you think?

 

To be continued. ❤️ 

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Thanks so much for sharing all this. I have confidence you will figure out what you want/need to change or do instead. It's SO not comfortable being in the "This isn't working quite the way I want. I wanted it to work!! Now what?!?" phase. 

 

14 hours ago, W.L.K. Sarah said:

Also whenever we make a big change (even if it's a desired change that we're excited about) it can trigger us-trigger our traumatised self.


That's a really good point and reminder. I think I've experienced that. I think you're brave for experimenting with these massively new  methods and habits! 

 

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"You're not in it to get Most [Recognized Rebel Ever]. You're not in it to be eligible for prizes. You're in this because you made a promise to yourself and you refuse to let you down. Walk the talk. And even when you don't talk much, make the walk so powerful that it leaves no room for questions - from inside or out." -note to self Str7.5 Dex6 Sta5.7 Con11.8 Wis10.4 Cha2 Intro post~Challenge 1~Challenge 2~Challenge 3~Challenge 4~Battle Log 1 Ranger Level 3

 

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So I'm feeling conflicted and would love to hear your thoughts. Let me just play out the situation in the order it happened.

  1.  Beginning of April,  I spoke with my coaches about possibly renewing my contract with them.
  2. The main coach said that they'd get back to me with two proposals tailored to my needs.
  3. About two weeks later, the main coach presented the same proposal from day one -- except that their prices have increased. They said, however, that they are happy to keep me grandfathered into what I was already paying for, I'd just have to put down a deposit.
  4. Being aware of my budget, I suggested that we take a break until May, possibly mid-May, when I'll likely be ready to hire them again.
  5. My main coach responds along the lines of, "We agree. Just pay this deposit (less than the original deposit they asked for) by the end of this week." They said this at the end of Thursday, which would make it really difficult to transfer money into my bank account to transfer to them.
    1. Frankly, I'm a bit put off by this. I originally verbalized that I wouldn't be ready to pay until May. They supposedly agree and now I'm feeling pressured to move money around to lock in this deal. Instead, I replied to them with the following, "Thank you for the generous offer. After much contemplation, I’d like to see how capable I am to run with everything you’ve taught me in the last couple of months. I understand that your prices have increased and I’d like to honor that when I can budget for it in the future -- hopefully the near future! I’m eternally grateful for everything you’ve taught me! In the meantime, let me know if there’s anything you need from me to close out our work together."
  6. Yesterday, they got back to me saying that they agree to my original proposal -- to wait till May when I can budget for them. I shared how I'm feeling about this to my therapist, "My coaches messaged me back and want to honor my original proposal to take a break until May when I can budget for their services. I am conflicted by this because when I first brought this up, they suggested that I had to pay a deposit as soon as possible to get grandfathered into their current prices. That caused a lot of pressure and stress for me, which is why I sent the message I shared with you to them to begin with. Although I'm happy to have gotten my way in the end with my original proposal, I feel a bit slighted. I understand that they have to sell their services, but I am put off by how they tried to rush me into paying them. I'm not sure if I am enabling their approach by agreeing to this or if I should just be grateful that I got my original proposal honored. In a way, I already had my mind set on exploring other ways to take care of myself. Or to at least run with what they have taught me so far. In the meantime, I'm going to contemplate about this and get back to them on Monday. It's also off putting that they are trying to negotiate with me on a weekend."

I plan on talking with them first thing tomorrow. Open to any thoughts y'all may have about this! The reason why this all feels so off putting is because the majority of our work together has been very gentle, encouraging, and patient. It also felt like my main coach was giving me ultimatums rather than trying to negotiate with me. It's causing me to feel confused and gaslighted. 

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I think I would feel unfairly pressured in your situation, too. I have no idea what you should do, but I encourage you to stick to your purpose of independently implementing what you've learned for a time, IF that's really what you want. If it's NOT what you want, give yourself permission in that direction, too. 
 

While they have been so helpful, I would think there are other helps out there - other coaches or programs or information. In other words - you have options and you don't owe them anything.
 

Basically, I think your feelings are valid, especially when the majority of your experience with them has been their gentle, understanding support. It's always a little disconcerting when people with whom we've had a consistent experience go and do something differently human. For me it triggers feelings/thoughts of mistrust, whether that's rational or not. 

 

It's possible they had something personal  going on which  motivated them to act seemingly out of character (and to not consider that they really weren't giving you adequate time), but understanding that doesn't mean you need to change your purpose or decisions to make life better for them.

 

I say stick to your (metaphorical) guns on this one. Then take the time to explore and decide what you want to do. If that's work with them again, then go for it. If not, then you can use the knowledge you've gained recently to explore other options. 

 

This is late, but hopefully it's helpful feedback. 

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"You're not in it to get Most [Recognized Rebel Ever]. You're not in it to be eligible for prizes. You're in this because you made a promise to yourself and you refuse to let you down. Walk the talk. And even when you don't talk much, make the walk so powerful that it leaves no room for questions - from inside or out." -note to self Str7.5 Dex6 Sta5.7 Con11.8 Wis10.4 Cha2 Intro post~Challenge 1~Challenge 2~Challenge 3~Challenge 4~Battle Log 1 Ranger Level 3

 

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9 hours ago, Emissary2Ornj said:

I think I would feel unfairly pressured in your situation, too. I have no idea what you should do, but I encourage you to stick to your purpose of independently implementing what you've learned for a time, IF that's really what you want. If it's NOT what you want, give yourself permission in that direction, too. 
 

While they have been so helpful, I would think there are other helps out there - other coaches or programs or information. In other words - you have options and you don't owe them anything.
 

Basically, I think your feelings are valid, especially when the majority of your experience with them has been their gentle, understanding support. It's always a little disconcerting when people with whom we've had a consistent experience go and do something differently human. For me it triggers feelings/thoughts of mistrust, whether that's rational or not. 

 

It's possible they had something personal  going on which  motivated them to act seemingly out of character (and to not consider that they really weren't giving you adequate time), but understanding that doesn't mean you need to change your purpose or decisions to make life better for them.

 

I say stick to your (metaphorical) guns on this one. Then take the time to explore and decide what you want to do. If that's work with them again, then go for it. If not, then you can use the knowledge you've gained recently to explore other options. 

 

This is late, but hopefully it's helpful feedback. 

This is all super helpful, thank you! I plan on responding to them today and will keep you all posted. 🙌

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Hello everyone!

 

Taking sometime today to deeply reflect on my health journey since the start of our challenge. I’ll do so by responding to some of your comments here! :)

 

On 3/20/2022 at 3:35 PM, Gemma said:

I'm so grateful to have a healthier mindset about my health journey. I love my body for what it is right now. ❤️

Gemma — I appreciate you reminding me when I said, “I'm so grateful to have a healthier mindset about my health journey. I love my body for what it is right now. ❤️” Unfortunately, I haven’t been feeling this way about myself for most of April… Even though I can see a lot of improvement from ‘within,’ I’ve grown impatient with wanting to also see the external improvements. Although I’ve dramatically (and joyfully) reduced consuming highly processed foods since increasing my plant-based foods, I’m not shedding the amount of weight I was expecting to shed. In fact, I feel like I’ve gained weight, despite following all of my fitness coach’s workout routines and nutrition coach’s advice on gently replacing unhealthy foods with healthier ones. Of course, I’m aware enough to know that plant-based foods can involve consuming a lot of natural sugars and carbs. Still, I thought that, somehow, someway, I’d still shed some weight by now. It seems as though I currently have to choose between nutrition over losing weight at this point in my health journey. Maybe I just have to accept that I can’t ‘have it all’ at once. I have to focus on the building blocks of good health, even if it means that it’ll take longer for me to see any external results. I also recognize that I’m putting pressure on myself now that I’m making new friends in person, and I have plans to attend a wedding in December. I have a clear vision of how I want to look like by the end of the year. But maybe this vision is stealing my joy from my current health journey. I’m recognizing that I’m going to have to make up my mind about this moment on what I want vs. what I need.

 

On 3/31/2022 at 8:37 PM, Emissary2Ornj said:

Definitely doesn't look like plateauing!

Emissary2Ornj - Thank you for your consistent support during this challenge (and even the last one)! Logically, I can recognize that I’m not plateauing. It’s just one of those months for me I guess... But like Scaly Freak said:

On 4/2/2022 at 9:49 PM, Scaly Freak said:

The trick with plateaus is to keep working, because eventually they end.

 

 

On 4/8/2022 at 10:21 AM, Rookie said:

I had to look up what pickleball was. That looks interesting! Do you play it as doubles or singles? 

 

Just singles! It's a ton of fun and easier on the joints (compared to tennis)!

 

On 4/8/2022 at 9:16 PM, Emissary2Ornj said:

I like reading about your meal prep, and how excited you sound to be giving yourself the good stuff. Lately, I've been thinking what adulting is at its most basic (I mean, it's complicated, but on a few fundamental levels, it's basic.): we basically take over doing what our parents did. We basically become our own parent. The Biblical commandment to love your neighbor as yourself... it seems like when they said "love" in the Bible, a lot of the time they just meant taking care of somebody's basic needs. Feed 'em, clothe 'em, shelter 'em. So our parents' purpose (whether they fulfill it or not; some of them are horrible at this, some of them are good at it) was to start out doing all that and more for us, then gradually teaching us how to do it so when we're adults, we can be independent and self-reliant. (Of course, it seems most of us have some RE-parenting to do as well, because we learned some really UNhelpful and UNhealthful ways of thinking about ourselves and treating ourselves.) But part of this whole focus, food, fitness journey (to borrow your words) is learning how to provide the best life I know of for myself - taking over from my parents, basically. And even if I don't have warm fuzzies about myself all the time, I know I can still love myself on a very real, practical level by providing the best fuel and movement I know of for my body and mind.

I love everything that you shared here! It's actually interesting how you mentioned that we are 'taking over doing what our parents did' because a lot of the cooking I do today reminds me of my mom! ❤️ My veggie stews smell very familiar to what my mom cooked for me. It's making me realize how much my mom valued feeding my siblings and I a plant-based diet. It's only taken me till this point, to cook for myself, to realize how much she valued our health. :)

 

On 4/11/2022 at 10:13 PM, Conquius said:

I think the answer is to trust the process, keep on trucking, and keep looking for ways to grow.

Yes I can agree. And even if it's hard to 'trust the process,' I'm learning to 'keep looking for ways to grow.'

 

On 4/12/2022 at 10:39 AM, Emissary2Ornj said:

Seems like you're moving different things in different ways, which I would think would continue to translate to every day life gains.

Yes, it's very true. My fitness coach gives me such an amazing fitness routine that's functional and pain-free -- compared to how I'd typically try and exercise. 

 

To be continued!

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On 4/19/2022 at 10:10 PM, Emissary2Ornj said:

I want to go on the record as saying how big of a win I think this is. You have made the conscious choice and  taken steps to consistently give your body the fuel it really can use - and are doing it willingly and joyfully, not resentfully (as far as I can tell). I think  what you experienced is the natural result of that kind of commitment to ourselves. I love how satisfied I feel after eating real, simple food, especially vegetables, but I'm not quite at the level of being that on tune with my body that I'd like, yet. 

Thank you for affirming my wins! :) 

 

On 4/19/2022 at 10:10 PM, Emissary2Ornj said:

I think accomplishing our goals doesn't always present in the ways we want/expect, when we want/expect. Sometimes that can be demoralizing. I have more thoughts about this, but not for today. We're here to support you in the struggle, though. And you're not alone  in struggling with this. 

Thank you for reminding me that I'm not alone. Even though I can 'logically' acknowledge my progress, I'm definitely feeling the struggle this month. 😕 More to unpack for later.

On 4/23/2022 at 1:13 PM, Emissary2Ornj said:

Thanks so much for sharing all this. I have confidence you will figure out what you want/need to change or do instead. It's SO not comfortable being in the "This isn't working quite the way I want. I wanted it to work!! Now what?!?" phase. 

 

Yep... it's definitely feeling like that kind of month/phase for me right now...

 

On 4/23/2022 at 1:13 PM, Emissary2Ornj said:

I think you're brave for experimenting with these massively new  methods and habits! 

Thank you for the encouragement. ❤️ 

 

23 hours ago, Emissary2Ornj said:

I think I would feel unfairly pressured in your situation, too. I have no idea what you should do, but I encourage you to stick to your purpose of independently implementing what you've learned for a time, IF that's really what you want. If it's NOT what you want, give yourself permission in that direction, too. 

I love and appreciate everything you shared. I finally reviewed my coaches' messages from this weekend. This is how I responded to them:

 

Thank you for your patience, your commitment to my success, and for honoring my original request. I'm deeply appreciative of you both. I will take this time to digest and run with all of your teachings thus far, and will reach out in mid-May to resume our work together! Chat again soon.

 

I mean every word that I said. In the meantime, I am looking forward to listening to my 'own voice.' As my therapist shared with me:

 

About your coaches and paid support, no matter how wonderful coaches and therapists and chiropractors are etc we also need to hear our own voice.....it can be overwhelming with so many professionals. I do admire you though Sarah doing all this work, and it is good. And then it's also good to take a pause and, as you say, "to have time on my own to process everything."

 

To be continued! :) 

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Yay, decision made! Cool beans. 

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"You're not in it to get Most [Recognized Rebel Ever]. You're not in it to be eligible for prizes. You're in this because you made a promise to yourself and you refuse to let you down. Walk the talk. And even when you don't talk much, make the walk so powerful that it leaves no room for questions - from inside or out." -note to self Str7.5 Dex6 Sta5.7 Con11.8 Wis10.4 Cha2 Intro post~Challenge 1~Challenge 2~Challenge 3~Challenge 4~Battle Log 1 Ranger Level 3

 

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On 4/25/2022 at 3:52 AM, W.L.K. Sarah said:

 

I plan on talking with them first thing tomorrow. Open to any thoughts y'all may have about this! The reason why this all feels so off putting is because the majority of our work together has been very gentle, encouraging, and patient. It also felt like my main coach was giving me ultimatums rather than trying to negotiate with me. It's causing me to feel confused and gaslighted. 

It sounds to me that their idea of negotiation is different to yours. Theirs is more like a used car salesman. They thought they would push you for the early deposit, because they have financial issues of their own. You pushed back. "Well done!" I say!  And they backed down. I would look at this as a big win for you. You asserted yourself civilly and decently and got what you asked for.  I would either walk away, because you don't like their way of doing business, but if everything else about them is constructive, go back with confidence, knowing that they must be acknowledging your authority even if only to themselves.

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On 4/25/2022 at 10:52 PM, chibi-nerd said:

They thought they would push you for the early deposit, because they have financial issues of their own. You pushed back. "Well done!" I say!  And they backed down. I would look at this as a big win for you. You asserted yourself civilly and decently and got what you asked for.

Thank you for your encouragement and affirming that I made the right decision. My coaches justified their initial request that I pay the deposit quickly because they wanted to 'keep the momentum going.' Whether that's true or not, their initial response to my original request made me feel like they weren't listening to me. Even though I have said that I'll continue with them in mid-May, it's still my choice if I want to re-hire them or not. Like you all are saying: I don't owe them anything.

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Sharing a snippet of my latest message to my therapist:

 

... Later, as I was getting adjusted, I told my chiropractor about my health journey struggles. Basically, he validated my plant-based diet (as he’s doing the same himself) and my fitness regimen. What he helped me to see is that, in order for me to reduce my stress eating, I need to incorporate more meditation and breathing exercises into my life. This makes complete sense to me. It’s not WHAT I’m eating that’s the problem, it’s WHY I’m eating that needs to be examined.

 

For whatever reason, I’m still intimidated to ‘slow down,’ breathe and meditate. But I am reminded that it doesn’t have to be a whole event. I can breathe and meditate for short lengths of time throughout the day. He mentioned this because he’s spent many years trying to figure out the best health regimen. And the biggest difference he made this year is incorporating more breathing and meditation exercises throughout his day. He also does intermittent fasting, which is what I plan on doing now. I actually used to do I.F., but my coach encouraged me to stop so that I can learn to trust my cravings. I partially resent her for telling me to stop I.F. because I feel like I’ve gotten heavier since taking her advice…. I also stopped drinking water less because I thought it was better to ‘eat my water.’ Now that I have a few weeks without her and her husband, I can really take this time to reevaluate what I think is best for me right now.

 

Talking to my chiropractor and having time away from my coaches is helping me recognize how much I’m fueled with stress and anxiety. Even though my coaches were helping me, being monitored so closely by them caused me stress and anxiety. Lastly, I told my chiropractor that part of how I started to take care of my health again was because I had experience an intense chest pain last October. I woke up to it and felt debilitated. The only reason why I was able to move again was because I focused on my breath until the pain went away. My chiropractor helped me see that what I experienced was, in fact, a heart attack. If this is true, then I definitely started to experience smaller versions of these heart attacks (maybe chest pain or anxiety attacks) toward the second half of 2020 (during the pandemic). I recognize now that I really have to get my anxiety and stress levels in order.

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Breathe. 🧘‍♀️🌬

 

Working from home today. Home is where I'm most tempted to stress eat. It's just so easy to take a few steps away from my computer (set up in my living room) and walk into the kitchen to grab something.

 

Today, when I notice my natural inkling to get food, I pause... and breathe.

 

In these moments, I'm reminded that I don't have to eat to ease my anxiety. I can hydrate with water or herbal tea instead.

 

Or, I can just breathe.

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On 4/26/2022 at 11:27 PM, W.L.K. Sarah said:

It’s not WHAT I’m eating that’s the problem, it’s WHY I’m eating that needs to be examined.

Sharing the latest convos with my therapist:

 

MY THERAPIST:

... You have an excellent chiropractor! And yes, as we were talking about, it is also why you are eating that needs to be looked at. Most people actually eat unconsciously. There are many ways to meditate. Meditation actually means to be with, to observe without getting lost in.....and without judgement. Therefore one can eat mindfully, one can walk mindfully, and so on. This means to be completely present instead of reactive. To observe compassionately. Eating mindfully means we actually taste and savour, and enjoy. We eat more slowly and therefore feel full sooner. To me it is a spiritual act of appreciation, it is a prayer....

 

Oh, I am so very sorry that you have actually experienced heart attacks. Yes it is very important for you to aware of what gives you stress and anxiety. As you say, too much help and advice is not relaxing. I know you are stopping with your coaches for a while. What else feels stressful in your life? How is it for you here? Does it feel burdensome having to check in here regularly? Would it feel helpful to write less often? Oh and well done after your heart attack in October with being able to recover by focusing on your breath. What a frightening and traumatic experience this must have been. Is this the first time now that you are realising that this was in fact a heart attack?

 

MY RESPONSE:

I love your take on how meditation is ‘observing my actions compassionately and without judgment.’ I worked from home today, which enables me to eat unconsciously. With this self-awareness in mind, I took today as an opportunity to compassionately observe whenever I felt compelled to walk into the kitchen (which is only a few steps away from my work station) to grab food. Today, I learned to breathe or hydrate first before grabbing food. I’m so proud of myself for making such a subtle, yet huge shift for myself. Personally, I’m resentful to my nutrition coach for encouraging me to stop intermittent fasting and to eat whenever I’m hungry. I think she was trying to teach me intuitive eating. But now, I’m relearning that I can do other things (like breathe/meditate or hydrate) before giving into my cravings. I really love how I had the opportunity to observe ‘why’ I eat. I don’t always have to ‘eat my stress away.’ Instead, I can pause, breathe, meditate, and hydrate. I felt so much love, kindness and appreciation for myself in doing this today. :) I’m looking forward to seeing how this new revelation will impact/reduce my stress and anxiety levels moving forward.

 

Messaging you doesn’t cause me stress at all. In fact, part of why I’m messaging you later in the evenings (as of late) is because I feel no pressure upon myself to respond to you as soon as possible. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if I find myself messaging you less and less — while still committing to paying you. Our asynchronous messaging is something that I’ve learn to apply to a lot of my relationships today. If I really think about it, it’s reduced my feelings of abandonment immensely. I have attracted new relationships (and evolved old ones) to practice asynchronous messaging. This has become very normal for me and the people I care about. Now, I’m feeling more and more secure, knowing in my heart, that people love me, need me, value me, and care about sustaining a healthy relationship with me.

 

I believe the real stress comes from having to schedule real-time calls with my coaches, especially because they are a 5-hour difference from me. Yes, my chiropractor helped me realize, for the first time, that what I experienced in October was a heart attack. I actually felt anxiety and my heart pounding as I was processing it yesterday. I suppose that’s why I decided to be more mindful of my breath today — especially when I’m tempted to eat.

 

These are all wonderful realizations overall, though. Even if it’s a huge financial burden to invest in my self-care, I recognize that it’s so very needed and very well worth it. When I finished my adjustments with my chiropractor yesterday, he said, “Your body will thank you 10 years from now.” I actually love how he said this because, even if I’m not seeing the health results I thought I’d see by now, I have full confidence that all of my efforts will pay off. I can truly envision a very healthy version of myself 10 years from now. Healthy in mind, body and soul. :) 

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