[Heidi]

Ah, Spring.

Last challenge I spent nearly every day incapacitated, which was ironic since I had planned to have it be a clearing of decks, titled the kNOwing, focused on NO. It turned out that I even said NO to the challenge that round.

As fate would have it, this morning, the first full day of Spring, has dawned with a sense of restoration of body and spirit. I’m not going to go wild with activity or anything, but the positive outlook and energy is very welcome indeed.

Spring, forward

This challenge sees a lot of nurturing of growth, on all fronts.

 

Mind Academically, I’ve found the framework for my whole dissertation, just this morning, and the cosmic irony is that it has been there the whole time. My mentor and I talked about this at length while he was developing his book, published in 2012 and largely overlooked in favor of his alignment with the Stoic tradition, and here I am, using his framework as my own, as his theory was intended. I miss him, and the conversations we had, and having his framework to guide me feels solid and right. This is “extra reading,” but I’m looking forward to it. Along with class assignments, I’m about halfway through the doctoral program, and I need to get my roadmap in order. I don’t come from an academic family, so I have no clue what lies ahead. Asking for advice is the answer, in this as in so much.

Body. When it comes to my physical fitness, I am walking a path of acceptance. I spent two weeks in outright suffering and a few days of exhaustion after that. This was a rough space. It’s also difficult to address the idea of “being better” or “getting better.” Having a condition means I can be wonky and out of commission at any time, without warning and without recourse. Acupuncture, sleep, exercise, and good food all help create optimal conditions.

 

Spirit. Acupuncture, food, sleep, good friends, the sauna, and time in the sun. These help restore me. There is no “better” in so many ways, but at times there is optimism and enthusiasm, and ability, and this is everything.

 

It wouldn’t be a Heidi Challenge without a nod to a court date, and the next one is set for April 25. I’m looking forward to it, actually, and I have a sense that there may be an end in sight for restoration of a normal relationship with my daughter. Spring forward, indeed, as this happened very quickly once the changes started in January. I’m hopeful that this new growth can be nurtured.

 

There’s always a bonus project, too, and this challenge is no different. The storage unit is now history, and that means that the things I decided to keep are all in the apartment somehow. A little more organization would go a long way. The current assumption is that Vivian will be spending the night at some point, so I’d like to rearrange the furniture in a way that is more friendly for a longer term visit. This would be easy in the Before Times, when I was strong-bodied, but now it takes planning and coordination of schedules. I’m blessed to have a friend who wants to help.

 

This is Spring.

May we find the path Forward.

 

[Heidi]

Challenge Nuts and Bolts

• Weekly Discussion Posts
• Weekly Acupuncture
• Weekly Visit or Session with Vivian
• Roadmap Conversation - March 22
• Pinball Tournament - March 27
• Images of Organizations Paper - March 28
• Book Club presentation and notes - April 5
• Pinball League - April 11
• Policy Panel Roundtable - April 24
• Final Research Paper - April 25
• Court - April 25
• Pinball League - April 25
• Policy Brief - May 2
• Pinball league - May 9
• Read Habilitation, Health, & Agency and make notes for analysis framework, operating glossary, etc.
• Rearrange Vivian’s Loft and get the apartment ready for Spring Visits and Farm Day Cooking.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

I'm glad you feel better my friend.

[Sloth the Enduring]

[DarK_RaideR]

I, uh... left my spring gifs in my other pants. But I'm still following!

[Heidi]

5 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I'm glad you feel better my friend.

Thank you. Good health days are a blessing.

4 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

I didn't know anyone was videoing!!

*Blush*

2 hours ago, DarK_RaideR said:

I, uh... left my spring gifs in my other pants. But I'm still following!

I got you, friend.

😎

[darkfoxx]

This was just too bizarre not to post. Glad to see you back!

[Heidi]

Zero Week Report:

• Weekly Discussion Posts happened at the Very last minute™️ and friends, that's what the last minute is for.
• Weekly Acupuncture on Tuesday ✅
• Visit with Vivian was again amazing
• Roadmap Conversation - March 23 was super helpful. We also talked about the dissertation. I feel really good about this.
• Pinball Tournament - March 27 was scrapped because it would have been a long drive from the dogsitting house, and especially night driving is bad 
• Images of Organizations Paper - March 28 turned in with while minutes to spare!
• I emailed my professor for clarification about the upcoming Book Club presentation and notes. It's due April 5 and I haven't heard anything (over a week now). This is concerning.
• Read Habilitation, Health, & Agency and make notes for analysis framework, operating glossary, etc. I'm only 20 pages in. But it has begun. The kind of notes I'm taking make this slow going.

The week saw a lot of days out of commission. I am really satisfied with what I accomplished. I'm at the dogsitting location for this whole week, and it's a nice space.

 

I've started watching Salvation. I'm on episode 4 and the amount of philosophy in each episode is excellent. I could do a while ethics syllabus around this show, and I think I might put it together and see if anyone wants to play along this summer, doing classes at the library.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

2 hours ago, Heidi said:

Weekly Discussion Posts happened at the Very last minute™️ and friends, that's what the last minute is for.

In high school I was convinced I did better essays if I did them the night before they were do than if I'd start them in advance.

[Heidi]

7 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

In high school I was convinced I did better essays if I did them the night before they were do than if I'd start them in advance.

 

You're not wrong, friend. Oftentimes we get in our own way when we start too far in advance, especially those of us with imposter syndrome (meaning me, not you of course )

 

I am currently registered for classes this fall. I'm looking forward to it, and also giving myself permission to take Fall semester (and maybe even longer) off, depending on how I feel around half-past August.  One of the classes I'm most excited about is held on Zoom, which can be a hardship for me, visually. We'll see. 

 

"If we want to truly endure, we can't just focus on what it takes to merely survive. We have to focus on what it takes to truly live. And that doesn't just come from the head; it comes from the heart. So the non-essentials, as you call them, the writers, the artists, the dreamers--they are essential, because in our darkest hours, they give us the most essential ingredient to the survival of our species: Hope. And in the end, it is hope, and only hope, that will save us."

----Jillian, Salvation, S1:E4

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

6 minutes ago, Heidi said:

You're not wrong, friend. Oftentimes we get in our own way when we start too far in advance, especially those of us with imposter syndrome (meaning me, not you of course )

 

It's why Bruce Wayne had to jump without the rope to get out of the pit.

 

7 minutes ago, Heidi said:

"If we want to truly endure, we can't just focus on what it takes to merely survive. We have to focus on what it takes to truly live. And that doesn't just come from the head; it comes from the heart. So the non-essentials, as you call them, the writers, the artists, the dreamers--they are essential, because in our darkest hours, they give us the most essential ingredient to the survival of our species: Hope. And in the end, it is hope, and only hope, that will save us."

[Heidi]

2 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

 

It's why Bruce Wayne had to jump without the rope to get out of the pit.

 

I'm not crying, you're crying

[Scaly Freak]

57 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

 

 

 

Greatest. Movie. Ever.

[Heidi]

So I went to the new acupuncturist today, a guy from India who has been hired by the "official clinic" where I live. He's really nice. We spent the whole time talking and he didn't do a treatment yet -- he was figuring out if he could do anything for my condition. He thinks he can, and I'll be put into the new rotation in a couple months or so.

 

He also went over my labs. I need to bump the vitamin D and B12 even more than it is now, and over the last six years it has declined again (27 now, from a high of 42 in 2014). (Back in 2012 my vitamin D level was 12, and no one wants to go back to that.) Additionally my kidney labs are worrisome, so we went over diet and exercise stuff to help with that. 

 

I'm looking forward to vegetable delivery and Tuesday night cooking with Jenna-- she has already scheduled cooking classes with me because she has no clue and wants to learn. I have knowledge but very little motivation, so it seemed like a good fit. Thank you, Universe.

 

Water intake and daily step goals are recommendations that give me 2013 challenge deja Vu. I see a new Fitbit in my future, along with daily trips to the gym for a steam room and sauna visit. I'll be exploring these things over this challenge and formalizing them into the next challenge -- no one wants dialysis in her future.

 

After coming back from the appointment, I dealt with very nice neighbors coming over. They were helpful investigating the tv issue (the display just stopped 🤷) and the conversation was excellent in the process. 

 

I met with my Jedi Council this afternoon, again with excellent conversation.

 

I am a little flattened by all this activity, honestly. It's going to be an early bedtime.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Dialysis scares me more than chemo.

[Heidi]

13 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Dialysis scares me more than chemo.

Same. 

 

I am tired today, and the headache I'm having feels like weather in the way. I'm still here at the Dog House (until Saturday afternoon), so no sauna until after I get back. Lots of water and naps, though. That much I can do. I was told to increase my water I take to no less than 80 ounces a day, so I have started keeping a 16 ounce glass nearby that I fill up whenever I get up. I'm pretty sure I drank 5 glasses yesterday and am on my third for today. 

 

Emails for ongoing legal stuff have been sent. Naptime.

[Heidi]

Naptime was good, but the headache/weather issues were still there when I woke up. Maxalt and a rice sock were in order.

 

While I waited for the Maxalt to work, I tended to the dogs and made lunch: a salami and white cheddar sandwich with mustard on whole wheat bread, salad of chopped broccoli and kale with some cranberries and walnuts and a poppyseed dressing, an apple and a couple clementines. A big glass of milk went with it. (Half the salad and half the apple have been set aside for later with tea.)

 

Rain ☔ is in the forecast this evening and all day tomorrow, but the dogs and I are enjoying the sunshine that's here today. 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Hope the head stops hurting soon.

[Heidi]

On 3/30/2022 at 2:36 PM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Hope the head stops hurting soon.

Thank you friend. I've felt like I keep licking a 9volt battery for a couple days now. 1 star--do not recommend.

 

Some lines from Star Trek have been coming to mind lately.

 

"It Is Possible To Commit No Errors And Still Lose." - Picard

 

"If Something's Important, You Make The Time." - Scotty

 

"There Are Four Lights!" - Picard

 

"The First Duty Of Every Starfleet Officer Is To The Truth." - Picard

 

And, of course, my favorite:

"They would choose freedom, no matter how fleeting.  . . .  Survival is insufficient."

 

I think I could turn each of these Star Trek moments into a discussion seminar on How Are We To Live? 

 

Anyone out there have other moments for consideration?

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

"How we face death is at least as important as how we face life."

 

"Resistance is NOT futile."

 

"Good Tea. Nice House."

[Heidi]

40 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

"How we face death is at least as important as how we face life."

A movie about death and grief that gives us what we so deeply need: perspective for living.

 

And also: KHAAAAAAN!!!

[Heidi]

1 hour ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Resistance is NOT futile."

When I watched this clip, I cheered out loud (much to the chagrin of my friends and fellow students in the common room that evening). We see the solidarity of self-determination from within the collective, compassion for an outsider, and defiance of authority (in the form of the chillingly assimilated Picard, who has difficulty with the pronoun I). Also, the choice of "Hugh" is excellent. We are Hugh becomes heard as We are you.

Seminar topic: even if resistance comes to nothing immediately, is it futile? Is resistance its own valuable act? What solidarity do we owe to those who are disadvantaged/oppressed even if we are not? 

[Heidi]

1 hour ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

 

"Good Tea. Nice House."

A seminar on how etiquette and hospitality function to allow us some guardrails for ethical interaction, not exclusive to but especially in alien situations.

[Scaly Freak]

1 hour ago, Heidi said:

Anyone out there have other moments for consideration?

 

"Villains who twirl their mustaches are easily spotted. Those who clothe themselves in good deeds are well-camouflaged."

[Heidi]

There are FOUR lights.

In this episode, Picard admits that in the end, torture prevailed. He would have been willing to say anything, but, even worse, he had come to see five lights, despite knowing the truth that there were only four. Oppression warps reality and our own ability to perceive the truth. It is the presence of the rescue team that allows him to issue the iconic line. 

 

What is being offered to Picard is particularly appealing to me: a life of comfort, with time to pursue philosophy. This offer -- and the ability to withhold it-- is what corrupts the lizard brain to comply with the oppressor. 

 

While survival may, in fact, be insufficient, it must also be safeguarded at all costs. What does this mean for the creation of a just society?