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Bean Sidhe Vs Chaos – Tries to rest and recharge


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Hi all

For those new to our story,

 

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I am Bean Sidhe. I am married to a wonderful Hubby, mom to 2 Agent’s of Chaos (Eldest (18 Autism) and Youngest (14)).  I have 3 cat Agents (Agent Black, Agent White and Agent Twilight). We have my mom’s dog (Yappy Dog) has been with us almost 2 years now. We also got a new Puppy Agent Ninja (3 mo) last challenge.  Mom has a bad hip as well as other arthritis issues and is not really taking care of herself. She is not the nicest of people and well, there was a blow up. I have backed way off in dealing with her, but I am awaiting her disapproval of the situation. I started taking care of her 2 years ago when my dad died suddenly, thinking she would start taking care of herself but she takes less care of herself now than she used to. I also work a job I enjoy, but there is some serious drama going on there and it is setting off my anxiety to boot. Oh and my depression is a mess, so FYI.

 

So update for all. The last challenge was full of drama and chaos. I am still awaiting Mom’s reaction to my refusal to talk to her. Hubby fell and got hurt, we lost our Agent K9 (all in 24 hours).  At the end of the challenge, Hubby got hurt a different way, I am even more out of shape than I can be and things are starting to hurt that shouldn’t and work decided to get even more stupid with 2 os

thumb_in-knives-out-2019-ransom-says-sto

 

I am tired, I am drained and there is no good way to put it. That being said, I am trying to find a way to get past this point so maybe I can make progress. There are 2 parts here. A) 0 Week I am on spring break so no work, and no school for Youngest Agent. Tuesday was “National Goof off day” and also a planned sloth day. The bigger part of this is that Friday through Sunday I will be going to see my chosen family. It will be a short trip, but we will see at least a couple of my sisters, my neicelings and hopefully recharge there. Seeing my family that loves me always helps. So week 0 will be mostly a “real” week, but with a few days (Tues, And the trip) where boxes do not count

The second part is going to be trying to get back on a real schedule. One where there are bedtimes, and routines and not being so “What is going on?” This will help me get a solid idea of what is going on. This has started to happen last challenge, but there were too many chaos moments that we couldn’t control that affected this. Having Hubby get hurt seriously didn’t help. So big thing here will be stay on target.

So yeah, this whole challenge will be about resting, recharging and getting myself where I feel I can make progress and maybe get my anxiety and depression back under control.

I am still doing my boxes, I added a couple more per day, but basically it is very similar to last challenge. Now to not give up and just nope out.

Goal

Value

Description

Strength

1

Calf raises

 

1

Squats

17

1

Wall Sit (sec)

 

1

Side kicks

Do 4

1

Leg lifts

4

1

Reverse sit ups

 

1

Sit ups

 

1

Knee to Elbows

 

1

Raised Arm Circles

 

1

Torso Twists

 

1

Bicep Extenstions

 

1

Table plank

 

1

Bicep Curls with Weights (3 lb)

 

1

Backward Leg Raises

 

1

Step ups

 

1

Side Lunges

 

1

Desk Push Ups

Flexibility

1

Wrist Extension Stretch

 

1

Wrist Flexion Stretch

23

1

Upward dog/Child pose

 

1

Meditating Groot

 

1

Lord of the Dance Yoga (ankle above head)

 

1

Lower back stretch (One leg across body)

 

1

Chair Pose

 

1

Butterfly

 

1

Tricep Stretch

 

1

Wall Stand

 

1

Bridge

 

1

Calf stretch

Do 6

1

Ballet

 

1

Toe Touch

 

1

Cresent Moon pose

                                                6.00

1

Sitting Fix/Shoulder Stretch

 

1

Warrior 1

 

1

Ankle Circles

 

1

Warrior 3 (Eagle bird thing)

 

1

Shoulder Rotations

 

1

Quad Stretch

 

1

Side Stretch

 

1

Forward Bend

Life and Family

1

Floss in morning

 

1

NF status update

 

1

NF reply one other thread

 

1

Take Morning Vitamins

 

1

Find one way I am not like mom

 

1

Brush Yappy dog

 

1

Brush Puppy

 

1

Check Dad's email

34

1

Check ordering account

 

1

Japanese Practice

 

1

Check Seedlings

 

1

Only play game on phone one time a day at home

 

1

Text/Talk to one Choosen family member a day

 

1

Relax my shoulders

 

1

Read a book

 

1

Soak up the sun

 

1

Plan

 

1

Nightly downtime

 

1

Be in bed by 10:30

 

1

Put lotion on legs

 

1

Spend time with Agents

 

1

Floss after work

Do 13

1

Floss before bed

 

1

Talk to Hubby

 

1

Water 1 inside plant

 

1

Take Bloodpressure

 

1

Do one "do that already" jobs

13

1

One good thing

 

1

Walk garden once a day

 

1

Puppy Preparing/Training

 

1

Weed for 5 minutes

 

1

Use Breathing app for Anxiety

 

1

if headache, put on headache salve

 

1

Play with Cats

Fight Chaos

1

Pennisula

 

1

Island

 

1

Table

Clean all these daily

1

Half wall

16

1

Desk

 

1

Computer room ottoman

 

1

Bathroom up

 

1

Clean off file cabinet

Do 6

1

Bathroom down

6

1

Clean off door to basement

 

1

Grandpa's table

 

1

Clean off Stairs and landing

 

1

Clean off tall dresser

 

1

Clean off nightstands

 

1

Clean off Dresser

 

1

Counter over dishwasher

At least 5 minutes per room (at least one)

1

Garage

 

1

Dust one surface

 

1

Computer room

13

1

Basement

 

1

Random organizing project

Do 4

1

Pick up one furtumbleweed a day

 

1

Empty out car daily

 

1

Clean our bathtub

 

1

Family room

 

1

Wash window or mirror

4

1

Clean 2 papers out of paper organizer

 

1

File 1 thing a day

 

1

Purge 1 thing a day

Walking

1

Walk 10000 steps

8

1

Walk 15 minutes a day

 

1

Walk 5 minutes at lunch

 

1

Walk 5 minutes after dinner

 

1

Walk  5 minutes in morning

do 3

1

Take Puppy for a walk

3

1

7 hours with 250 steps

 

1

Walk to Mordor

Fuel

1

No eating after dinner

17

1

No stupid sugar

 

1

Track breakfast

 

1

Track Second breakfast

do 4

1

Track Elevensies

 

1

Track lunch

 

1

Track Dinner

 

1

Track Supper

 

1

Eat A Salad

 

1

Take Probiotic

4

1

< 4 bottles of tea

 

1

Eat Dates Daily

 

1

Eat dried Apricots

 

1

Eat Breakfast

 

1

Eat Lunch

 

1

60 oz of water

 

1

Record sugar in G

 

 

  • Like 5

You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream - C.S. Lewis

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Just for sanity's sake, I did start on Sunday. I got all the boxes on Sunday and 59 pts with 13,473 steps. Monday I did better with all boxes, 66 pts and 15546 steps. We had errands to run we didn't do over the weekend, cleaning happened.  Agent Ninja was in full puppy mode, so there were lots of walks and the Tomato seedlings into pots since they were getting huge. I love the smell of tomato plants. If days were like this, maybe I wouldn't be so crazy. I did also get ahold of the dr to get my Blood pressure meds ordered. I thought we took care of this 2 weeks ago, but I guess not. My meds won't be ready for another week, so lets see how this goes.

IMB_X1yP7U_grande.GIF?v=1507406168

 

Tuesday was my planned sloth day. I didn't even look at my tracker, I didn't want to look at a anything. Youngest and I watched Moulin Rouge and then Velocipastor (The latter movie was HORRIBLE, but you knew it was going to be before you go in. I mean look at how real the Dino is).

the-velocipastor-run.gif

It was a full on PJ day on the couch being a slug. I as much as I wanted to get this up, and do things, I didn't because I really needed the downtime. Now to get everything else done.  Did I feel guilty, yes, Did I tell myself I should do more, oh yeah, but in the end, I feel better for it. Oh, and I do not regret the Whiskey Dark Chocolate Oatmeal cookies. 

Today was a back to some sort of normal day. I have gotten some stuff done, got my new lettuce from the nursery in. Just in time for the snow on Friday night. Thankfully I put it in pots that can come inside in the winter

200.gif

 

 

  • Like 5

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Omfg that gif is from an actual movie???? It would have been better with one of those inflatable orange t-Rex costumes. Jesus. 
 

anyway. Here to cheer you on and support however I can. ❤️ 

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7 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Omfg that gif is from an actual movie???? It would have been better with one of those inflatable orange t-Rex costumes. Jesus. 
 

 

Yep, that is an actual piece of the movie. The whole movie is that a pastor goes to China and ends turning into a Dinosaur. It was BAD... The first 2 minutes, there is a scene where a car explodes well, here is the scene

 

Veloci Pastor Vfx Car On Fire GIF - Veloci Pastor VFX Car On Fire -  Discover & Share GIFs

 

7 minutes ago, fleaball said:

anyway. Here to cheer you on and support however I can. ❤️ 

Glad to have you.  I am always grateful for your support.

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Following and here for support!

I think it'll be NEXT weekend before I can put together my container garden on the deck....

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21 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I'm professionally interested in Velocipastor, but haven't seen it yet. Having read your comments, it may remain unwatched.

Following.

 

I only recommend the movie if you watch movies where you go "I am only watching this to see how bad it gets" and I don't think the professional interest is at all worth it. The priestly robes tie around the back of their necks like a Halloween costume.

 

 

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8 hours ago, Athaclena said:

Following and here for support!

 

Glad to have you.

 

8 hours ago, Athaclena said:

I think it'll be NEXT weekend before I can put together my container garden on the deck....

 

Yeah, i got a bit overexcited and have lettuce outside now. That is going to have to come in until I get back from the trip. Its getting cold this weekend. The problem is, my tomatoes take up 3 shelves on my wire bakers rack at the moment and the bottom shelf Agent Ninja has claimed as her bed. (I swear that puppy got a cat patch somewhere).

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7 hours ago, Sylvaa said:

 

Based on these gifs, this movie 100% made it onto my watch list. I'm super excited now. 

 

If you love the "how bad can this get movie" its amazing. Youngest Agent professed it her favorite movie for bad movies. It outranked even Cowboys and Dinosaurs where she learned if you take off your shirt, you die.
THE%20VELOCIPASTOR-2018-3.jpg
Enjoy.

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So I came here to make a real post, then got distracted by the Velicopastor discussion.

 

Wednesday went okay. I didn't make step goal, but things were acquired for neicelings and the trip. I did take my blood pressure and it wasn't great, but I am out of meds (157/104). which is better than it could of been. I did get all the boxes and 70 pts total.

 

I did have an almost interaction with Mom. Apparently it is not even worth coming into the room I am in when I come to do trash. She yelled "Hi" from one end of the house, and then Bye when I told her we were leaving. Part of me wants to be like "Why do you not care  your child is no longer talking to you" but at the same time, I am at the "At least she is not throwing a tantrum" but it still gets me anxious. Not as bad at it used to, but more just "Seriously, I mean so little".

All in all, a good day. I wish the weather would get better, but I have given up on that.

Tomorrow, We ride to see family. I am so excited to see my (chosen) Sisters. I will have to tell the one that mom's tantrum will upset the most what happened, but I don't know how to not upset her with this. It may be good that she is recovering from surgery or she would go beat my mom up for what she said. The other cut her mom off long ago, so she has been my guide in "this is okay and you are doing it right". 

 

5bf.jpg

 

tumblr_mdcs0udCBb1qgzdhjo9_r1_250.gifv

 

This sounds way cooler than "Drive forever"

  • Like 6

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28 minutes ago, Bean Sidhe said:

 

I did have an almost interaction with Mom. Apparently it is not even worth coming into the room I am in when I come to do trash. She yelled "Hi" from one end of the house, and then Bye when I told her we were leaving. Part of me wants to be like "Why do you not care  your child is no longer talking to you" but at the same time, I am at the "At least she is not throwing a tantrum" but it still gets me anxious. Not as bad at it used to, but more just "Seriously, I mean so little".

It's probably a combination of:

  • Can't admit she was wrong
  • Won't admit she was wrong
  • Want's you to be the first to cave so she can "win"
  • Sadly, people only matter to her insofar as they pay attention to her

Also, they think the silent treatment is a punishment, but it's really a reward.

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24 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

It's probably a combination of:

  • Can't admit she was wrong
  • Won't admit she was wrong
  • Want's you to be the first to cave so she can "win"
  • Sadly, people only matter to her insofar as they pay attention to her

Also, they think the silent treatment is a punishment, but it's really a reward.

Came here to say all of this. 

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Hey Bean, how's it going?

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On 3/24/2022 at 7:16 PM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

It's probably a combination of:

  • Can't admit she was wrong
  • Won't admit she was wrong
  • Want's you to be the first to cave so she can "win"
  • Sadly, people only matter to her insofar as they pay attention to her

Also, they think the silent treatment is a punishment, but it's really a reward.

 

 

On 3/24/2022 at 8:32 PM, fleaball said:

Came here to say all of this. 

 

And this is all true. I am aware of this, but sometimes I just wonder how you can act like this. And part of me is going to say "Its not helping the relationship when you can't even admit you cared.

Whatever, I am taking it and enjoying the lack of responses. Plus I have Sister Power from seeing my sisters who all said "Your mom is a crazy Psycho B (adn not the cute crazy psycho type) and we are all amazed you dealt with her for this long. We love you and are proud of you"

More on that in a bit. Updates, I am supposed to do those.

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First off, Youngest Agent and I made to to see my chosen sisters. It was a wonderful time of nieces and 5 minute hugs that were honestly the "Let me squish your soul back in with love" The drive was okay. The people were amazing. Downside is that I had a MASSIVE panic attack in the hotel since I have never been in one by myself before, always with Hubby or a family member. Set off Youngest Agent's anxiety, couldn't find the sleepy tea, no sleep was had Friday night. We did better Sat night, but it was still not a good nights rest.


The trip was amazing. I got to spend time with my youngest niece who is 2 and I have only met one other time. I am now a beloved Auntie to her. She loved Youngest Agent adn were were able to help out her mom since she had surgery and can't bear weight on her leg for awhile

 

Saw other sister who I haven't seen in 4 years. Adore her, remembered why I can't live in the same town as her, and had a great time.

Saturday was spent with Sister S the one who is best for me and my mental health. We talked and she reminded me I am doing right, told me my mom was lots of not nice words and was proud of me. We went on a hike here

2614.jpggiant-city-nature-trail.jpgGiantCity.2621.360600.Y.jpgce466a690c8c8ff4d2f84cbcb403903a?w=1200&

And while I now remember I am fat and old, it was only 1.25 miles, but the elevation changes were killing me.  I did the whole thing without needing to be the one to stop. I did fall once and bad knee is all bruised up and a bit unhappy, but no more swollen than usual. It was a perfect place I wish I could see more of, walk more of, play int he trees when they had leaves, ect. Sister S also asked Brother M (He lives with Sister S and her family, but is a roommate for the last.... 10 years or better and is late Little Sister K's mom)'s mom to adopt me, and she was fine with it. She told Chosen Mom "Her mom is stupid and they are not talking. Will you adopt her and it gives you more Grand-babies." Chosen Mom understands since she collects people like me from our family. We stayed there late but had a great time. Sister S said they may come up over the summer for a long weekend or something.


Sunday got up, saw all 3 sisters again before returning the 4 hours home.  All I can think is "why don't i live where there are trees instead of corn fields everywhere. Ugh"

Of anything that has recharged me and relaxed me and made me feel like me again, this was it.  even with work being dumb yesterday or today. I have a new bit of peace and while I am exhausted from the trip, my mental side is better.  this is what I need and why I can't be cut off from my family. No one ever pushed the "You should forgive her." Since all of us, most of my chosen family comes from crappy bio families.

Today of all days, I got a random text from Brother I who lives north and we haven't seen in 2+ years or more. He is driving through and wanted to stop by and say HI and see us on his way somewhere for work. I am actually considering calling in a personal day that morning and letting Youngest Agent skip school to see him.

So while I am tired, and sore and many other things, I did get the rest/recharge of seeing my chosen family. I only saw (starts counting on fingers)  10 of my chosen family instead of all 30+, but it was definitely needed and Youngest Agent and I may try going down on a long weekend again when we both have off if we can deal with the "Hotel issue" again.

Monday was back to boxes and reality, and I did them. so update done.

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Absolutely BEAUTIFUL! I'm so glad you got to have some good, quality time with the chosen fam!

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"Be not afraid of growing slowly; be afraid only of standing still." - Chinese Proverb

 My Recipe Thread

1st dozen-ish Challenges for the curious 12,11,10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,More attempts, #1 with Intro, Failed attempts

Spoiler

Quick Bio: IT Consultant, Been in IT 25+ Years, Bounced around and landed as a traveling Consultant for a medium-sized Software Company. I love to cook & read, I travel for a living (although amount varies widely, sometimes I'm home for weeks, others I'm traveling for weeks on end), and trying to move out of Atlanta (plan in place, working to implement).

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Replies in a minute. I am having a panic moment. I was sitting here working on the nerd board. Texting one of my sisters that I missed her and Mom is texting now. I didn't read it, but it has the words "Bury the hatch" and "trying to be more independent" showed up in the preview.

 

Note, I was over there this evening doing Trash and she got all crying at me in the 3 minutes I was there.

A) I did nothing wrong, I should talk to her, as an adult. However, I really just don't wanna. She is going to act like nothing is wrong.
B   ) Hubby is not home right now, so I can't panic to him and have him deal with it.

C) And this is going to be a giant guilt trip I don't need.


Hubby came home and I panicked to him. I texted Sister S and had Hubby send her the messages. I have not read them, but Sister S and Hubby did. According to them there is no apology, but more a "I know you are still hurt and angry from my tantrum" and guilt trip about how she misses us. I am no okay. My anxiety is through the roof. I know I was confused by the lack of response, and I am angry at myself for my first reaction to be fear and tears. I have not responded. I have no idea how to respond to any of this besides "You honestly think any of this is going to help." 

So there goes my good mood from my trip. I have the strength of my sisters from the visit, and from both of their support tonight, but I just want to run away and be like "Later"

So yay, I have to deal with guilt trip and my feelings aren't valid. Can I just run away and never deal with her again?
 

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22 hours ago, Athaclena said:

Absolutely BEAUTIFUL! I'm so glad you got to have some good, quality time with the chosen fam!

 

It was so pretty. It didn't have leaves out there yet, but I could imagine them and I felt so at home. I miss that now.

 

22 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Those trails are beautiful. I'm glad there were emotionally healthy people for you to see.

 

it was the best thing for me to have my family. These are the people who I want in my life and why I will never say that blood family is the most important thing.


 

15 hours ago, Chesire said:

Gorgeous trails.  It is wonderful to hear you had such a good time with your chosen family.

Thank you. It was a great time. I just wish it hadn't been so short

 

6 hours ago, Countess D&#x27;If said:

Lovely. Good for you for calling on your chosen family. And wow about your brother. 

In this case, this is a chosen Brother and not idiot Bio brother. I am so happy to see chosen Brother I. I took off work for the morning, so that will be nice. I need that visit now.

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19 minutes ago, Bean Sidhe said:

Can I just run away and never deal with her again?

Yes. If you are willing to let go of what people will think for going no contact, you can block all her abilities to contact you and never see her, talk to her, or read a written communication from her for the rest of her life.

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