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Jean gives up on Perfect and won't blink when Good enough seems out of reach either


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Hi there!

 

I'm keeping this very simple because there are a very few metrics I need to make important in my life and pretending I'm tracking them tends to make that happen. I want to teach myself to be kind to myself, to forgive me when I don't reach the targets I set, to learn to set appropriate targets and not to settle for bad when I miss one of them but to still consider myself a good person, worthy of things like sleep and food.

 

They may evolve but my metrics for this challenge are, at this point:

  • Go to bed by 9:30 pm.
  • Eat 2 meals a day.
  • Drink 4 half-bottles of water a day while at work (the goal is to keep me away from the coffee machine).
  • Don't work more than 9 hours a day at work so as to have time for other things.
  • Go out and have a walk/exercise 1/day. Going to the vineyard and having a beer qualifies for this.

 

Time to get some food and take note that none of what I think I have to do this night matters and I can go to sleep at 9:30 and be fine (and even better off for it).

 

Have fun and take care of yourselves!

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Legally bound to hug people in need.

 

Living life as a Druid is about walking with the beasts. It's about being scared, looking your fears in the eyes and going on anyway. Dread doesn't go away, you just learn to know it. It's still a beast, it still has fangs, but you walk among it.

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One thing that helped me overcome my destructive perfectionism is to not see my goals in all-or-nothing terms. If my goal is to work out three times per week and I only manage to do two workouts, I used to look at that as a complete failure because I missed my goal. The fact that I made two out or three, a majority of what I set out to do, somehow eluded me and when it was pointed out to me I dismissed it as nonsense, because that third workout that I missed was all that mattered to me.

 

Then I grew older and was forced to learn that even one single light workout makes a huge difference to joints and muscles over 40, and every little thing really matters and counts towards the big picture. And I'm glad I learned this, because now I can stop cheating myself out of recognizing that effort matters, and that partially meeting my goal still counts and is still something to celebrate.

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  • That's Metal 1

Reading Challenge Thread 2022

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scalyfreak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31; Ch 32; Ch 33; Ch 34; Ch 35; Ch 36; Ch 37; Ch 38

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6 hours ago, Jean said:

I want to teach myself to be kind to myself, to forgive me when I don't reach the targets I set, to learn to set appropriate targets and not to settle for bad when I miss one of them but to still consider myself a good person, worthy of things like sleep and food.

Yes, this! Following to remind you that you are worthy and good enough.

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RES...and I want to live days worth dying for

Current: RES: CUTE isn't cutting it!

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Magickal, Eclectic, Goddess, Level 69

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Growth happens when you care more about the well being of your future self than the comfort of your present self!

"Pass on what you have learned. Strength, mastery. But weakness, folly, failure also. Yes, failure most of all. The greatest teacher, failure is." -Yoda

 

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  • Jean changed the title to Jean gives up on Perfect and won't blink when Good enough seems out of reach either

@Scaly Freak: I can relate to that. Here's to working out that keeping on one step at a time still takes us where we want to go.

giphy.gif?cid=ecf05e47petg04ymhel4lpwsce

 

@RES: Thanks! Remind away!

 

 

Soo... "end of day" and I am:

  • overexcited because I've drank too much coffee (only drank 2 bottles of water).
  • tired because I didn't sleep enough (turns out some of the things I had planned to do for myself still had to be done, though I could definitely have done better here).
  • Hungry because I haven't eaten enough.

As a result, I am thoroughly unproductive and will not do any of the things I had planned to do.

 

Immediate corrective steps:

  • Cook some delicious chicken stir-fry and eat it.
  • Go to bed on time by 9:30.
  • Remember how I've felt tonight and drink more water (and less coffee) tomorrow.
  • Like 1

Legally bound to hug people in need.

 

Living life as a Druid is about walking with the beasts. It's about being scared, looking your fears in the eyes and going on anyway. Dread doesn't go away, you just learn to know it. It's still a beast, it still has fangs, but you walk among it.

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24 minutes ago, Jean said:

As a result, I am thoroughly unproductive and will not do any of the things I had planned to do.

 

Immediate corrective steps:

  • Cook some delicious chicken stir-fry and eat it.
  • Go to bed on time by 9:30.
  • Remember how I've felt tonight and drink more water (and less coffee) tomorrow.

 

My goodness, that sounds familiar. You are making choices that will fix the problems of today and set you up to have a better day tomorrow. That is a win.

 

I know how hard it can be to let go of wanting to do what you planned. Even if the things you do instead are enjoyable, there can still be a feeling of loss. Implementing your backup plan is far better than staying up late because you had too much caffeine and repeating the cycle the next day. 

 

You might not be feeling happy with yourself right now, but think what you can do to make life better for Future Jean, who will appreciate the help.

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Level 62  Viking paladin

My current challenge   Battle log 

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Just now, Mistr said:

My goodness, that sounds familiar.

Delicious chicken stir-fry should sound familiar to anybody in need of comfort and energy. Thanks for your precious insights and standing by. :)

 

Just now, Mistr said:

think what you can do to make life better for Future Jean, who will appreciate the help.

One thing with my life is that I'm feeling that Future Jean will be fine, and that it's Present Jean who needs some support. I'm leveraging some of Future Jean's influence, wisdom and energy to that purpose, it should turn out allright but gosh! What we could accomplish if we weren't tied by such things as needing a shelter, and food, and clothes and maybe some medicine once in a while! ^^

 

I wish I was running and flying but walking a good stride is fine. :)

 

Edit: For some context, I'm also pretty disappointed with childish homebuilders' behaviors around here messing up with my work and making things tougher for everybody by wanting to push things way too far but that's outside of my control and I should rather work on myself. I'm spending way too much time blaming the outside world already.

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Legally bound to hug people in need.

 

Living life as a Druid is about walking with the beasts. It's about being scared, looking your fears in the eyes and going on anyway. Dread doesn't go away, you just learn to know it. It's still a beast, it still has fangs, but you walk among it.

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On 3/28/2022 at 12:43 PM, Jean said:

One thing with my life is that I'm feeling that Future Jean will be fine, and that it's Present Jean who needs some support.

Have been there. Recently even. Sometimes a present crisis just takes precedence over future plans, improvement efforts, and whatnot. And you have been in that place of survival for a long time, it seems. That's hard and exhausting all on its own.

 

I hope that Present Jean is getting some sleep, eating regular meals, drinking water, and otherwise taking care of his body and spirit. If there's anything that you need to help you along your path, you have only to ask.

 

 

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Thanks. :)

 

Present Jean is kind of in a dead end and letting himself getting overwhelmed again, Perfect isn't the only thing he is letting go of. xD I'd be glad to ask for help but unless you can change people, fix their uncertainties and take away their need for immediacy and feeling that they are qualified enough to decide on their own on topics without taking input from the specialists they have hired for this specific purpose, there's nothing I see you can do. ;)

 

I'm confident in my abilities and know I'll move forward, but this is getting incredibly ridiculous...

 

Take care and have fun. :)

 

  • Like 3

Legally bound to hug people in need.

 

Living life as a Druid is about walking with the beasts. It's about being scared, looking your fears in the eyes and going on anyway. Dread doesn't go away, you just learn to know it. It's still a beast, it still has fangs, but you walk among it.

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12 hours ago, Jean said:

I'd be glad to ask for help but unless you can change people, fix their uncertainties and take away their need for immediacy and feeling that they are qualified enough to decide on their own on topics without taking input from the specialists they have hired for this specific purpose, there's nothing I see you can do. ;)

 

If you figure out how to do this, please share with the rest of the class! ;) 

 

More serious comment: If you can continue to find the situation ridiculous rather than infuriating, that will go a long way towards protecting you from the more nasty effects of burnout and long-term stress. Your focus on sleep and its importance will also serve you well I think. 

 

Remember, this is not forever. You have already done a lot of work to change your situation, and you will get there. 

  • Like 1

Reading Challenge Thread 2022

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scalyfreak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31; Ch 32; Ch 33; Ch 34; Ch 35; Ch 36; Ch 37; Ch 38

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1 hour ago, Scaly Freak said:

Remember, this is not forever. You have already done a lot of work to change your situation, and you will get there. 

The seeds are there for pretty thriving times ahead, but we're not there yet. I gotta walk the walk first, it's rocky and slippery but I'm not down a cliff yet so I can keep putting one foot in front of the other. :)

 

Wish I was doing more, there's need for exercise and hikes and good eating habits in my life, I've still got to figure that part out.

  • Like 4

Legally bound to hug people in need.

 

Living life as a Druid is about walking with the beasts. It's about being scared, looking your fears in the eyes and going on anyway. Dread doesn't go away, you just learn to know it. It's still a beast, it still has fangs, but you walk among it.

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On 4/6/2022 at 6:24 PM, Defining said:

 

Spoiler

1440266012_200(5).gif.87fc6414081a25d4bd554b17a1f95819.gif

 

Aand, I've missed that one. Thanks for the check. I've droped off after catching some sort of a cold and now have to get back on track. Not sure what kind of restart I'm wanting to do yet.

  • Like 2

Legally bound to hug people in need.

 

Living life as a Druid is about walking with the beasts. It's about being scared, looking your fears in the eyes and going on anyway. Dread doesn't go away, you just learn to know it. It's still a beast, it still has fangs, but you walk among it.

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6 hours ago, Jean said:

Not sure what kind of restart I'm wanting to do yet.

This close to the end of the challenge period, I vote for experimenting with what you might want to do next time. Or something totally different for pure novelty and fun.

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Well, I know what I want to do, which would be to go trailing/hiking in the morning, but I don't expect to have the will to do any of it. The fact that I'd tackle it on a willpower perspective alone is a big warning sign that something is off.

 

The real thing to do would be to take steps toward moving in a more human friendly appartment but I'm just starting actually having savings at the end of the month and am not particularly willing to sacrifice that and get back to paycheck to paycheck for quality of life just yet, even if it is necessary quality of life.

 

That leaves sleep and food as realistic targets, though I'd be pretty disappointed to still be at that level and not make more quick progress though I'm well aware that there are no shortcuts and the only way to reach my life goals is the slow and consistent one.

 

All in all, it's my personality I want to build. I want to have more confidence and to, for once, be proud of the quality of what I do (because I'm doing it right instead of rushing from one thing to another to try and put off the fires). Maybe the way to do it would be not to do it alone, though I'd not have the energy for big commutes and I don't have real accaintances in my current area. I'm still at a bit of a loss regarding the way to move forward from here.

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Legally bound to hug people in need.

 

Living life as a Druid is about walking with the beasts. It's about being scared, looking your fears in the eyes and going on anyway. Dread doesn't go away, you just learn to know it. It's still a beast, it still has fangs, but you walk among it.

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19 hours ago, Jean said:

Well, I know what I want to do, which would be to go trailing/hiking in the morning, but I don't expect to have the will to do any of it. The fact that I'd tackle it on a willpower perspective alone is a big warning sign that something is off.

How about something smaller then, to help feed the deep inner desire that will pull you to your life goals? Something like having breakfast on the porch or outside to remind you of how much you love being in nature and help you relax without taking any extra time out of your day?

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5 hours ago, juliebarkley said:

How about something smaller then, to help feed the deep inner desire that will pull you to your life goals?

Gotta think about that and potentially come up with an idea. Breakfasts have been an unofficial goal that I've consistently missed for quite some time so I don't think it would work (but thanks for the idea!). Moreover, the real purpose is more physical activity than going outside per se. If I wasn't full of coffee and hungry by the end of the workday, I could use time just after work for that. We're back to nice and warm enough days so using my lunch break to go running some bit could be an option, though I'll have to arrange a shower to make it work.

 

Food for thought.

 

Edit: Ok, I think what I really need is to let go, I'm working on a plan for that.

  • Like 2

Legally bound to hug people in need.

 

Living life as a Druid is about walking with the beasts. It's about being scared, looking your fears in the eyes and going on anyway. Dread doesn't go away, you just learn to know it. It's still a beast, it still has fangs, but you walk among it.

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On 4/26/2022 at 10:05 PM, Jean said:

All in all, it's my personality I want to build. I want to have more confidence and to, for once, be proud of the quality of what I do (because I'm doing it right instead of rushing from one thing to another to try and put off the fires). Maybe the way to do it would be not to do it alone, though I'd not have the energy for big commutes and I don't have real accaintances in my current area. I'm still at a bit of a loss regarding the way to move forward from here.

 

It sounds like you have made some strategic decisions that have trade-offs. You have an affordable apartment with a short commute, but you are far from your friends. It makes sense to save time and money during the week. You can take more time and use some of the money you saved to go do fun things on weekends.

 

12 hours ago, Jean said:

Moreover, the real purpose is more physical activity than going outside per se. If I wasn't full of coffee and hungry by the end of the workday, I could use time just after work for that. We're back to nice and warm enough days so using my lunch break to go running some bit could be an option, though I'll have to arrange a shower to make it work.

 

Hmmm, sounds like you might benefit from substituting another beverage for some of the coffee and picking up some food on your lunch break. Just getting out and going for a walk is better than staying at your desk. You could do running after work.

 

12 hours ago, Jean said:

Edit: Ok, I think what I really need is to let go, I'm working on a plan for that.

 

Yay for putting together a plan!

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Level 62  Viking paladin

My current challenge   Battle log 

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Putting it here until the next challenge round starts: there is ONE thing I REALLY need to do:

 

Whenever I feel like what I'm doing isn't bringing value to my life, I stop and go out for a 5' walk. I can do that at work, I can do that at home, I can do that almost whenever.

 

Edit: Other ideas:

 - Darebee challenge/story (stolen from @Scaly Freak, thanks!)

 - Taking charge of my environment at work: listening to music through one ear while still keeping the other available for my colleagues.

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  • That's Metal 1

Legally bound to hug people in need.

 

Living life as a Druid is about walking with the beasts. It's about being scared, looking your fears in the eyes and going on anyway. Dread doesn't go away, you just learn to know it. It's still a beast, it still has fangs, but you walk among it.

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Late is better than never.

Never is too long a time for anyone to know the final score.

Once more unto the breach, dear friends!

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Legally bound to hug people in need.

 

Living life as a Druid is about walking with the beasts. It's about being scared, looking your fears in the eyes and going on anyway. Dread doesn't go away, you just learn to know it. It's still a beast, it still has fangs, but you walk among it.

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