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1 hour ago, Athaclena said:

My problem with breakfast is that it interferes with that extra 15 min of sleep - so as much as I used to say I'd rather eat than drink my food - I gave up and now just do protein shakes. I get chocolate and mix with Almond Milk and coffee when at home. When I travel, a scoop of instant milk plus scoop of shake mix in snack bags so I mix with water and coffee - 2 things I can ALWAYS get at any hotel.

I think I posted my Vegan Shake Mix before is you'd like it again as an easy alternative if you forget to do overnight oats and are out of bagels. It's a great backup and doesn't go bad :)

 

You did, it’s the Garden of Life one right? I tried it and I liked it in and of itself, but it doesn’t work for me as a breakfast thing. My body doesn’t seem to recognize that drinking something like that can replace eating. It’s like “hey that was kinda tasty but also when is food.” Can’t make things too easy. :rolleyes: 

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The longer this goes on the more I suspect strep. Which isn’t fun but is preferable to covid on so many levels. My throat has gotten worse as the day has gone on and it certainly feels like the swallowing glass feeling of strep. Sucks that I won’t get results for that til Sunday evening. I asked my brother to get me cough drops 

 

aaaaand there goes my father with the yelling about not being able to sleep. goddamn. 
 

anyway. Asked my brother to get cough drops after work. He called and said they didn’t have the ones I asked for, they didn’t have much at all in fact, but they did have X and Y flavors. I said surprise me, idc so long as they’re sugar free. And the ones he got are not actually cough drops, they’re vitamin C supplements that look like and are packaged like cough drops. So that sucks. Honest mistake but ugh dude of all the things to screw up it had to be this? 
 

so I was lying down trying to sleep before I started writing this and I nearly threw up twice because somehow my throat is so irritated that that’s a thing. I can’t even wear my night guard because it’s making me gag so much. 
 

i know when I got strep two years ago I asked the nurse how that was even possible because it was like a month after the covid situation exploded and I hadn’t left my house that whole time. She said something like some people always have that bacteria and occasionally it flares up. If that’s the case for me then the timing right now makes sense given how I wrecked myself at the 5k plus all the stress from my father being a manbaby plus the general state of the world. 
 

there’s no point to this post. I think I’m trying to convince myself it’s strep. I’m not nearly as freaked out about the possibility of covid as I would expect to be but I’m still uneasy and would much rather deal with strep. 
 

Poor boobcat has inflammation in his gums so he eats weird, like chewing on the side of his mouth or something I guess, and it makes a weird wound and now because I’m so wound up about everything else I just want to cry for him. It doesn’t impact how much he eats or anything, and he has a dental appointment at the end of the month but man I don’t need this right now. 
 

okay. I took some tylenol half an hour ago (expired last year because of course it did) and it seems to be kicking in finally? Gonna try lying down again and seeing if my insides will stay inside. Wish me luck. 

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negative for covid. I'll take it.

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Today isn’t even happening. Slept like crap, not sure why. Throat has gone from swallowing glass to swallowing golf balls, which probably isn’t great. No word on the throat culture results yet; I called the number they gave me and they’re closed. Helpful. A couple hours ago I sat down and suddenly my knee started to hurt like a bitch and it’s swollen af. No idea why or what or how. But it’s hard to do anything when bending your knee hurts so that cool. My blood sugar has gone all over the map today too which is not helping with the feeling like shit thing. 
 

that 5k on June 5 is looking more and more like a bad decision. It took my all of last week to recover from the first one and now I can’t fucking walk for reasons probably unrelated. I was going to cook dinner tonight, took the meat out of the freezer and everything, but no way am I standing in the kitchen for any amount of time now. 
 

so yeah. I’m grumpy. Wasn’t planning on doing anything too physical until I find out what I’m sick with but right now I kinda just want to delete my whole challenge and hide in a blanket fort for the next five weeks. Send snacks. 

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I’ve been on a spiral about my health for the last several hours. There’s the mystery throat thing that has now turned into some kind of cough as well. The knee thing that came out of nowhere and now seems to have resolved itself just as quickly but is still concerning. The fact that the enamel on my teeth has visibly eroded to an alarming point. The normal aches and pains and conditions that aren’t getting better. Anger and guilt and frustration over all of it being self-inflicted due to poor habits and not doing anything to manage or prevent any of it. And just now I felt a bump or something above my eye that I can’t see in the mirror and it doesn’t hurt but the other side doesn’t feel the same at all and I don’t know what it is or what to do about it. It’s probably something that’s existed the whole time and I never noticed. But now I can’t stop thinking it’s something terrible. 
 

im so over my entire fucking life. My whole existence is a joke. 

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Negative for strep. Called my doctors office to say hey now what. Nurse agreed my symptoms are classic strep and wants me to go to the main hospital to be seen and tested again. (It’s some kind of pcp-referral-only urgent care kind of thing, idk.) So now I’m waiting for that call bc ofc it’s by appointment only even with the referral and I will have to drag my ass into Boston again. Bleh. 
 

i feel like shit. Worse than I have so far. This is a bummer. Clearly the universe is telling me never to do a 5k ever again. 

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On 5/4/2022 at 11:55 PM, fleaball said:

doing the nutritionist thing would be the smartest option for sure. I'm resistant to it for some reason though. meh. 

I can say from experience that 6 months of working with a nutritionist, I made next-to-no progress. I told her how I wanted to tweak it and then I started losing weight.  It's a learning process for both involved to a certain extent.

 

 

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Went to the urgent care referral place. Rapid Covid test still negative, yay. They also did a brain-stab Covid test, flu, and RSV which I can’t be fucked to look up right now. Doctor said it could be mono but we didn’t need to test for it right now - I asked him to do it anyway because that would live in the back of my head forever and I don’t need that at this point. I could also have a sinus infection since I woke up congested as fuck and didn’t get better; he could hear it in my voice at 7:30pm. Awesome. If my sinuses get worse he said to message my doctor and go from there. In the meantime I’ve gone through a box of tissues and there’s like no skin left on my nose. 
 

So at this point the throat pain is almost gone and now my head is going to explode from sinus pressure. I made some ginger tea and stood over the kettle as it steamed, which helped a bit. I don’t have any decongestants and I don’t have the spoons to go to cvs so tea will have to do. 
 

I am genuinely considering bailing on the June 5k. I might go to pick up my swag and then just not do it. Boo. 
 

I wanted to go out for Pokémon tomorrow too. Not sure that’s a good idea either. Argh. 

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Negative for influenza A and B, covid, and RSV. Throat culture and mono test take several days. Not sure how the fuck I would have gotten mono but he was pretty sure it could be a possibility so whatever. 
 

just ordered saline decongestant spray to pick up at target tomorrow. Hopefully that takes care of things. I don’t really want to take antibiotics that may or may not work. 
 

still not doing anything challenge related yet because breathing is kind of important for that. Plus I still kinda want to die. So my goals for tomorrow will be to email the GI liver guy some questions, email the endo about labs, cook some defrosted ground turkey before it goes bad, and clear accumulated crap off my futon because it’s going in the trash soon. That’s an easy enough list. 
 

and now sleep. Yay

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Negative for mono. Not entirely surprising but I’ve had a lot of sore throats in my life and no one has ever suggested mono before so I wasn’t sure what to expect. 
 

Felt like shit most of the day although the sore throat seemed to back off. Ridiculously fucking congested though. Asked my father to pick up my shit from target, was totally shocked that he actually did. And it made a huge difference. Yay. I did have a moment earlier today where I freaked out that I actually have something serious just like when I was in grad school, and it’s still simmering in the background a bit, so that’s annoying. I went to urgent care on Friday and the hospital urgent care thing Monday - no fever, normal bp, normal heart rate both times. No swollen lymph nodes anywhere. All good. There’s a different gremlin making noise too - my back has been hurting lately and I’m 100% sure it’s related to shitty posture and probably also weird sleeping positions. But this gremlin is screeching that the pain is actually my kidneys and I’m going to die. I don’t think my kidneys live between my shoulder blades so that guy can fuck right off, thanks. 
 

did the things I said I would do today, save for cooking because the turkey already looked gnarly and I wasn’t tempting fate. I hate that my phone capitalizes turkey automatically regardless of the context. Although iirc the country changed the spelling in English to match what it is in Turkish so suck on that, Siri. You’re wrong. 
 

Wednesday I will attempt to finalize my challenge. I’ll do the breakfast thing, pick a GMB program or routine to do to make my body hate me less, maybe set a walking goal idk if that’s a good idea rn, and I’m going to pick my therapist’s brain about one or two. 
 

and now bedtime. Much later than I wanted it to be but I was already lying down and got too comfy to get up and brush my teeth and whatnot. :rolleyes: Fat Kitty has been super cuddly and inviting himself under the covers the last two or three nights, which he hasn’t done in a while. I’m not sure if he knows I’m sick and is trying to comfort me, or if he’s just cold because the weather has been ridiculous. I’d like to say it’s the former but it’s probably the latter. I still get cuddles regardless so I’ll take it. (The sore throat and nasal congestion predate this happening so it’s not allergies, woo.)

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Can’t be fucked to update the first post right now bc I’m on my phone but goals:

 

1 - make my own breakfast every day 

2 - GMB resilience program every day

3 - walk at least half a mile 4 times a week - that’s to either of my Pokémon hunting grounds and back with no meandering, so totally reasonable 
4 - 5 minutes of purging, cleaning, etc OR one big-ish task every day

 

not what I planned on this challenge looking like but I’m still feeling extra shitty so it is what it is. Now I’m going to eat my salad and pretend it will fix all my issues. 

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  • fleaball changed the title to flea is not even trying.

I’m out. Something about this entire challenge round is triggering the fuck out of me. What I need to do right now is not think about goals, not attempt to interact with other humans, just fuck off and regroup. Wrecking myself doing that stupid 5k then rolling straight into being sick for a week has left me with no spoons, wound tighter than ever, just a whole ball of nope. Gonna try to figure shit out and come back slightly less of a disaster. 

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Take time for you. Learning when to bail\regroup is an important skill. Keep us posted when you're able so we don't worry (you know we worry - right?).

"Be not afraid of growing slowly; be afraid only of standing still." - Chinese Proverb

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Quick Bio: IT Consultant, Been in IT 25+ Years, Bounced around and landed as a traveling Consultant for a medium-sized Software Company. I love to cook & read, I travel for a living (although amount varies widely, sometimes I'm home for weeks, others I'm traveling for weeks on end), and trying to move out of Atlanta (plan in place, working to implement).

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On 5/11/2022 at 2:53 AM, fleaball said:

I don’t think my kidneys live between my shoulder blades so that guy can fuck right off, thanks. 

 

You haven't had the right copy of operation

 

 ucScrc6.jpg

 

 

Sorry to hear.  Heal up

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Just sending out a ping to make sure you're still out there, even if you're bailing on the challenge.

We're thinking about you!

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"Be not afraid of growing slowly; be afraid only of standing still." - Chinese Proverb

 My Recipe Thread

1st dozen-ish Challenges for the curious 12,11,10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,More attempts, #1 with Intro, Failed attempts

Spoiler

Quick Bio: IT Consultant, Been in IT 25+ Years, Bounced around and landed as a traveling Consultant for a medium-sized Software Company. I love to cook & read, I travel for a living (although amount varies widely, sometimes I'm home for weeks, others I'm traveling for weeks on end), and trying to move out of Atlanta (plan in place, working to implement).

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