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Defining's 2022 ABC's : A Breath of Confidence - Ch4


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I am starting this challenge pissed off with myself. Who knows, maybe that will help.

 

This next week, 0 week, I'm finishing up helping out at an office (which contributed to, but was not responsible for, derailing my last challenge). I'm going to start my challenge stuff right away, but mostly expect to fall on my face for this first week still, thanks to the disruption

 

Let's call these 'aspirational adulting' habits, ie. shit I should already be doing, know how to do, and have the tools to do, but haven't been doing:

  • at least 150g of protein a day, at least 5 veg/fruit servings/day
  • at least 3 portions of low sugar ferments/day 
  • sun salutations and at least 500ml of H20 to start the day
  • 2.5L+ water/day
  • weights x2-3/ week
  • C25k x2-3/week
  • in bed by 11pm, no reading in bed
  • at least 2hrs outdoors a day 

 

 

Strategy #1 - Accountability: BUJO every morning, remind myself what I should be accomplishing

 

Strategy #2 - Reward: Roll a die once for each adulting habit accomplished every day; every time I get a 5, I can add $5 to a slush fund to buy a new DVD series 

 

Strategy #3 - Discipline: I am not allowed to watch ANY movies/TV shows unless I'm walking on a treadmill or tidying; I am not allowed to read a book on anything with a screen (if I do either of these, I lose a roll)

 

Strategy #4 - Follow Bad with Good: Any time I open any social media, or want to watch a YT video, I need to do 20 of a bodyweight exercise first (and/or for every 10min spent)

 

Stretch goals/bonus points (each time I do one of these, I get 2 rolls of the die instead of 1):

  • declutter for more than 30min
  • sign up for/do a C++ course (minimum 30min)
  • work on a short film (minimum 30min, watching YT tips doesn't count)
  • experiment with 'self hypnosis/meditation' (minimum 10min)
  • singing or piano (minimum 20min)
  • stretch, and/or extra yoga (minimum 20min)
  • less than 100g of carbs/day and all my vit/min RDAs (I have a meal plan for this, but I keep getting lazy about it)
  • get sunlight in my eyes (ie. go outside) for at least 10min within the first hour of waking up
  • try 8:16 or 10:14, just for shits n giggles

 

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11 hours ago, Defining said:

 

Let's call these 'aspirational adulting' habits, ie. shit I should already be doing, know how to do, and have the tools to do, but haven't been doing:

 

That's a wholesome looking list. I like the idea of splitting the challenge into goals and strategies--sometimes I mistake strategies for goals. Which they can also be.

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Let cheese and oxen and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination - Harriet the Viking

Just be bold, fluid and unapologetic, not small, hairy and indecisive - Harriet the Artist

You can absorb me! - Harriet the Contextless Guru

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Failed on all counts today, but I knew that was going to happen. On the plus side, I'm only tired and not quite 'feel like shit' territory after a VERY long day.

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May 01 - Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron

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May 02 - When you put love out in the world it travels, and it can touch people and reach people in ways that we never even expected. - Laverne Cox

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May 03 - You only go around once, but if you play your cards right, one is enough. - Frank Sinatra

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Another broken day. There is something soothing in knowing I won't hit my goals for most of this week, and that it's ok, because I've expected it and kind of excused myself. But I also don't want it to start a bad streak for the rest of the challenge.

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May 04 - Do not let what you think they think of you make you stop and question everything you are. - Carrie Fisher

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14 hours ago, Defining said:

Another broken day. There is something soothing in knowing I won't hit my goals for most of this week, and that it's ok, because I've expected it and kind of excused myself. But I also don't want it to start a bad streak for the rest of the challenge.

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May 04 - Do not let what you think they think of you make you stop and question everything you are. - Carrie Fisher


I hope there is something good for you in tomorrow, even if it's not the goals.

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Let cheese and oxen and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination - Harriet the Viking

Just be bold, fluid and unapologetic, not small, hairy and indecisive - Harriet the Artist

You can absorb me! - Harriet the Contextless Guru

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11 hours ago, Harriet said:

I hope there is something good for you in tomorrow, even if it's not the goals.

I bought a cinnamon bun on the way home as a reward for keeping my cool at the incredible stupidity I witnessed today. Does that count? 😅

 

Tomorrow is the last day though, and the hours I've worked have paid for a new camera for work. So that's fun! And it's been a very useful experiment in terms of pain management, which is really the reason I agreed to the whole thing in the first place.

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May 05 - At the end of the day, we can ensure much more than we think we can. - Frida Kahlo

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7 hours ago, Defining said:

I bought a cinnamon bun on the way home as a reward for keeping my cool at the incredible stupidity I witnessed today. Does that count? 😅

Totally! 😄

 

7 hours ago, Defining said:

Tomorrow is the last day though, and the hours I've worked have paid for a new camera for work.

Ooh shiny!!! By "for work" you mean for your short film? 😜

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15 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Ooh shiny!!! By "for work" you mean for your short film? 😜

I do actually mean work, I needed something that could go a bit wider for real estate photos. But, I DID pick a model with some funky video features as well.  I'm actually considering entering this contest, since it adds a bit of external structure for my goal: https://contests.gearfocus.com/

 

I am still sore after days of sitting at a desk, but whatever the physio poked last week seemed to have really made a difference. I don't want to call it too soon, but I'm super hopeful about this one. In the meantime, it's going to rain all weekend, so that might be a good opportunity to take a closer look at my 'adulting' habits, and see what I can do to streamline access and/or design my environment better to reinforce those patterns. Or I might just sit on my bum tomorrow and enjoy some quiet time with the dogs. Both, or either, would be time well spent.

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May 06 - I attribute my success to this - I never gave or took any excuse. - Florence Nightingale

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On 5/7/2022 at 7:02 AM, Defining said:

I do actually mean work, I needed something that could go a bit wider for real estate photos. But, I DID pick a model with some funky video features as well.  I'm actually considering entering this contest, since it adds a bit of external structure for my goal: https://contests.gearfocus.com/

Exciting!

 

On 5/7/2022 at 7:02 AM, Defining said:

but whatever the physio poked last week seemed to have really made a difference. I don't want to call it too soon, but I'm super hopeful about this one.

I'm happy you got poked good by the phyisio. Errm. 

 

8 hours ago, Defining said:

I had an excellent day walking dogs and visiting with a friend, but did very little useful otherwise.

 

Sounds lovely!

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Have had terrible focus, and didn't hit any of my 'official' goals for my challenge, but I also didn't do the things I told myself I wouldn't, so.... win?

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May 08 - We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give. - Sir Winston Churchill
35% of the year is gone (eep!)

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8 hours ago, Defining said:

Have had terrible focus, and didn't hit any of my 'official' goals for my challenge, but I also didn't do the things I told myself I wouldn't, so.... win?

Of course that's a win, especially on a bad focus day! 

 

Just a thought, but if it bothers you to not have any clear wins maybe one of the goals could be made stupid easy for a confidence boost?

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On 5/9/2022 at 5:00 AM, Mad Hatter said:

Just a thought, but if it bothers you to not have any clear wins maybe one of the goals could be made stupid easy for a confidence boost?

That's actually my 'bed by 11pm' one, since I typically actually aim for 10-10:30 instead. I'm stumbling a bit on the 'no reading in bed' bit though, because that's the hinge habit that sees me still awake at 3am sometimes.

 

New camera arrived late yesterday, so now I need to get my ass in gear and make sure I can use it well enough to stop needing to book in photographers for listings! 

 

I've mostly been focusing on what I don't want (ie. to be the same a year from now), but I think I also need to maybe remind myself of a few things I DO want:
- to feel competent (or at least like I have the potential to be) in a chosen field/interest

- to be excited with what I have planned for most days

- to feel financially secure from sources I feel personally responsible for

- to feel stable in my housing (which I always have had, and always will - but my gut doesn't feel it even though my brain knows)

- to feel comfortable in my body, and confident in my health,  strength, endurance, and mobility

- to sort out a career/business/job where I don't feel anxious when I have to check my phone

- to feel that I'm contributing to friendships in a positive and equivalent way

- to continue to love and take joy in my puppies, because they are excellent puppies

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May 09 - Life isn't a matter of milestones, but of moments. - Rose Kennedy

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May 10 - Surprise is the greatest gist which life can grant us. - Boris Pasternak

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On 5/10/2022 at 8:43 PM, Defining said:

I've mostly been focusing on what I don't want (ie. to be the same a year from now), but I think I also need to maybe remind myself of a few things I DO want:

Great list!

 

On 5/10/2022 at 8:43 PM, Defining said:

That's actually my 'bed by 11pm' one, since I typically actually aim for 10-10:30 instead. I'm stumbling a bit on the 'no reading in bed' bit though, because that's the hinge habit that sees me still awake at 3am sometimes.

Oops. :) Anything binge reading worthy lately?

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On 5/15/2022 at 10:14 AM, Mad Hatter said:

Doing ok?

22 hours ago, Jupiter said:

Seconding this. Hope you're doing okay. 

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I'm ok! Promise.

 

This is dumb, but I was gearing up to get into ANOTHER argument with someone last week.....

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Spoiler

But I paused, and sat with my rage at the misinformation, and asked myself 'is this conversation likely going to end with a constructive conclusion?' and then 'does continuing this conversation help me, or someone else?'. To a certain extent, correcting bad info DOES help other people. But only if they're paying attention/understand the correction/care to follow along. Which, let's be honest, doesn't happen that often.

 

Then I stepped back. And just... observed myself for a bit.  For someone whom has always identified as a 'know it all', I find myself in 'well, askshully' moments more often than most, I'd guess. But those conversations very VERY rarely end up either with me learning something new (which I always welcome), or having someone understand the distinction. When it happens, when someone goes 'OH, that's cool, I didn't know that', it's GLORIOUS. I've helped! I feel productive and useful and have made a difference. But that's, by far and away, the less common outcome. There are several communities that I'm part of online (and/or have been in-person in the past), where I originally joined to learn, and found myself sharing that same info to new newbs as I stay . This community is a good example of that! 

 

I've realised though that when people refuse to do their own basic research (like, first result on google search) or aren't willing to learn even basic principles (and just want spoon-fed answers), I get SO frustrated. And that doesn't really help anyone, least of all me. That's not new information, but this instance of 'arguing online' really brought it home: most of the time, it's just not worth engaging with someone who is SO sure that they are right.  And it's not worth it, for me, to 'help' people who aren't willing to help themselves.

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The TL;DR is: that I've pared back a TON of my online engagement in the last week or so, hopefully in a permanent way. I have better things to spend my energy on.

 

On that note, I've been pondering a quotation I encountered recently (by Ethan Hawke via TED talks): "What do you love?  [If] you get close to what you love, who you are is revealed to you, and it expands."

 

I have wasted a LOT of time in the past trying to 'figure out my identity', or 'find my why', or a 'purpose', or some kind of bullshit along those lines. And I've always struggled to find a meaningful answer. But for whatever reason, THIS way of thinking of things really seems to resonate. So I'm going to spend a bit more energy meditating on 'what do you love', in the next few weeks. 

 

 

I'm also debating trying a kind of 'radical' intervention, as a re-set to try to pull my own head out of my ass.

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What if I tried eating 'too much'? My maintenance intake is pretty effortless, though I could do better with getting in enough protein without 'cheating' with 4x scoops of protein powder. BUT. Maybe I stop worrying about 'cheating' for a while, and go even further with it: what if I ate in an excess, with a fair bit of 'extra' protein as well? I'm thinking 3-3.5g/kg, which is WELL above 'necessary' intake even beyond normal 'fat loss/muscle gain' needs. But there are some examples where eating that much in excess can potentially accelerate either/both goal. It's been... well, years, since I've been consistent with my weight lifting, so I'm essentially still a beginner, despite knowing exactly what I SHOULD be doing. 
 

My thought process is that if I try eating MORE, a different way of putting the cart before the horse, it may help to improve my energy levels and NEAT. Which would make things like working out, walking goals, and general 'go do stuff' motivation easier, in theory. And if most of the surplus kcal are from protein, that should in theory mitigate the worst of the potential fat gain?

If that means using more protein powder for a few months, just to see what happens (and to keep my tummy ok, since I seem to do just fine with lots of it), that's ok with me. Long-term, obviously I'd prefer to shift to more of a 'whole food' approach, but conversely that might be easier at a lower bf% & lower weight (ie. need less protein for maintenance, ironically).

2,200kcal and 260g+ of protein each day? It's a good time of year to try it out, I suppose, since it's easy to go out for a couple extra hours of dog walks a day (though that'll need to be more morning/evening to avoid the worst of the heat). Hey, maybe that dovetails in nicely with 'get more sun outside' in the morning? 

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Spoiler

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May 11 - Change your life today. Don't gamble on the future; act now, without delay. - Simone de Beauvoir
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May 12 - I praise loudly. I blame softly. - Catherine the Great, Empress of Russia
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May 13 - My optimism wears heavy boots and is loud. - Henry Rollins
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May 14 - Goals that are not frightening are not worth having. - Tina Brown
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May 15 (full moon) - Those who are happiest are those who do the most for others. - Booker T. Washington

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May 16 - Don't you ever let a soul in the world tell you that you can't be exactly who you are. - Lady Gaga (Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta)

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22 hours ago, Defining said:

2,200kcal and 260g+ of protein each day? It's a good time of year to try it out, I suppose, since it's easy to go out for a couple extra hours of dog walks a day (though that'll need to be more morning/evening to avoid the worst of the heat). Hey, maybe that dovetails in nicely with 'get more sun outside' in the morning? 

 

Try it out, see how it goes. :) 

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On 5/17/2022 at 5:12 AM, Defining said:

 

I have wasted a LOT of time in the past trying to 'figure out my identity', or 'find my why', or a 'purpose', or some kind of bullshit along those lines. And I've always struggled to find a meaningful answer.

 

OMG I go through a journey of identity and reinvention like every two months 😂

Sometimes you have to wander to find your way home…
🇺🇸 Adventurer 🇬🇧

🌳🦉🌳

Epic Quest: Tales of Owlshire 

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On 5/17/2022 at 7:12 AM, Defining said:

So I'm going to spend a bit more energy meditating on 'what do you love', in the next few weeks. 

Thought - thinking about what you love is much less effective than feeling what you love.

 

On 5/17/2022 at 7:12 AM, Defining said:

2,200kcal and 260g+ of protein each day?

Geez that amount of protein seems absolutely unfathomable to me. :D I'm a little confused though - are you trying to lose weight or recomp, it sounded like you are eating at maintenance? Just curious about your goals. :) 

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10 hours ago, Ann of Owlshire said:

OMG I go through a journey of identity and reinvention like every two months 😂

RIGHT?! For myself, I tend to end up right back at square one though. Plus a bit of extra existential doubt to throw into the mix.

 

2 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Thought - thinking about what you love is much less effective than feeling what you love.

 

Geez that amount of protein seems absolutely unfathomable to me. :D I'm a little confused though - are you trying to lose weight or recomp, it sounded like you are eating at maintenance? Just curious about your goals. :) 

Sometimes it's useful for me to think rather than feel, in order to understand where the spark is though. Like, yeah, I like movies - but WHY? :P 

I'm eating at maintenance, but eventually - at some point - need to lose about 20lbs of fat. I refuse to try any proper fat loss campaign though until/unless I have workouts and protein intake dialed in, because that way lies madness and ending up in a worse place than where I started. I'd rather stay fat than lose 10lbs of muscle because I was being an idiot about it.

 

BUT, I'm very very very bad at staying consistent with my workouts and/or protein for longer than 2-3 months at a time. And recently I've been struggling to get started at all. My thought process is that if I eat MORE, it will be a way to add extra energy which in turn should help to kick my ass into gear for the warm months, and then I can either continue with what I'm doing (assuming I don't gain a TON of weight) or when I'm ready just drop down to 'normal' protein levels which coincidentally should then take me into a deficit without needing to change much.

 

 

I'm also noticing a pretty major mid-day energy slump, which kicks in around 2pm and doesn't recover for the rest of the day - I'm off caffeine entirely right now, and I'm only on moderate carb intake so it shouldn't be any spike/crash cycles from that. The thing I'm coming back to is sleep quality, but I've even been feeling lately that my sleep has actually been improving (at least in terms of how often I'm waking up during the night). I typically walk the dogs around this time, which forces me to get up and move, since I know that otherwise I'll just sit for the rest of the day. It's also the reason I've been trying to get into the sun earlier in the morning as well, to support my circadian rhythm. I don't nap well, but at this point I'm feeling pretty defeated with the 'I'm doing everything properly, why is this still an issue' side of things. :( What else is the on the list, smelling salts?
 

 

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May 17 - The future belongs to those who prepare for it today. - Malcom X (el-Hajj Malik el-Shabazz)

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May 18 - Success isn't about the end result; it's about what you learn along the way. - Vera Wang

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8 hours ago, Defining said:

RIGHT?! For myself, I tend to end up right back at square one though. Plus a bit of extra existential doubt to throw into the mix.

 

 

This is me, too. I’ve dug around my journal while having an identity crisis and see that I had the exact same identity crisis like 3 months prior. 

 

For me, it’s usually in trying to rationalize all the different aspects of myself and my life into one pithy phrase. I can sometimes come up with something I’m happy with for a while (or eventually decide that I don’t need a damned label), but then it doesn’t quite fit and I’m off again…

 

I’m going to watch that video later ^_^

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🌳🦉🌳

Epic Quest: Tales of Owlshire 

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Ejok.gif.0e0762324a5b31f3fc908fed6a02ecf8.gif

MY STUPID $#%&ING SHOULDER. 

I thought things were getting better, but my fingers went numb yesterday. That hasn't happened since the initial collision which was more than two years ago. FFS. But I have a couple prescriptions for nerve stuff to see if something like that might help. Better late than never?

I'm currently up to 18 rolls for 'rewards'. I had planned to roll on a daily basis, to cement the 'random reward' thing, but I keep forgetting. I don't want to tally up for the end of the challenge either. But also: that number, out of all of habits from 10+ days of tracking, does not make me happy. Might need to try for a little push of 'bonus habits' to boost things up a bit. And then from there will try to remember to tally every couple of days.

_____________
May 19 - Among the many values in life, I appreciate freedom the most. - Haruki Murakami

 

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May 20 - Success is a science; if you have the conditions, you get the result. - Oscar Wilde

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17 minutes ago, Defining said:

MY STUPID $#%&ING SHOULDER. 

I thought things were getting better, but my fingers went numb yesterday. That hasn't happened since the initial collision which was more than two years ago. FFS. But I have a couple prescriptions for nerve stuff to see if something like that might help. Better late than never?

 

I'm sorry. :( I hope you feel better soon. 

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